Lest we get so caught UP in our own day to day lives(and I’m guilty of that…) that we forget things going on in OUR world/country; are just as important..I had a surreal conversation with my youngest son today that made me pause for a minute to wonder out loud@Is this really 2014???? My son commented on the latest NON verdict regarding Eric Garner..He said WOW there are some police out there who really hate Black folks!! I found myself, again, telling him the what-to-do’s on IF ever stopped by the police for random traffic stops..NO sudden movements..Don’t get out of the car unless asked to do so..Don’t get angry, just listen & be patient..WtH & OMG is this 2014 or the 1940’s??? And while I know I’m not the only Black parent to feel this way; it sure IS a heavy feeling..Heart-wrenching to say the least..I’m asking everyone who reads this who has a wordpress blog site, facebook page, or who twitters to spread the word for our ‘new cause’ @BlackLivesMatter..Doesn’t it seem like we’ve had to say this alot more lately? Because we HAVE…Police brutality against Black folks(and with no punishment/penalty), no MEN, is on the rise..IF we all stand together certainly our voices will be heard! I’m posting a couple letters from NAACP(yep folks they’re still alive , well , and working for US) and another organization I’m a member of ASALH(Association for the study of African American Life & History..) that have further motivated me to speak OUT & stand UP for the cause @ Black lives matter & police brutality must end..I can only hope/pray it helps to motivate y’all as well..Peace & light always , the One & Only Berna
This is an excellent write & a piece very worthy of a re-blog.. My eldest son forwarded this piece with the simple message@ WE must change the narrative! Enjoy/Learn/Share the facts & not the dismal media & widespread societal myths, 4ever sincere Berna>> (Credit to Youtube for pictures & video clip)
Last week Long Island teenager Kwasi Enin captured national headlines after becoming part of an impressive club: high school seniors who have been accepted into all eight Ivy League schools. However, while many celebrated Enin’s achievement, a bitter minority griped that the teenager had somehow gamed the system. The racial subtext was obvious: Enin couldn’t have actually have gotten into all those schools by himself. Why? Well, because he’s black..
This type of harmful and wholly inaccurate narrative has been constructed around African-American male student achievement for years. Enin is just the latest high-profile example of how it hurts all young men, high school high achievers or not, by implying that the majority of African-American boys are hopelessly behind and may never be able to narrow the achievement gap.
There are, of course, legitimate issues that African-American male students face due to a confluence of factors. But even data that show the more dire aspects of black male achievement do not exist in a vacuum, with researchers misrepresenting or not calculating for the experiences of African-American male students.
The good news is that bright spots like Enin may help raise the profile of America’s African-American young men. However, there is a lot of work to be done, beginning with rethinking the way we use these seven common “facts.”
1. There are more African-American males in prison than college.
African-American men are grossly overrepresented in the penal system; however, there are more African-American males in college than in prison, as of 2011. Howard University professor Ivory A. Toldson found in his research that there are about 600,000 more African-American males enrolled in higher education than are in jail.
This myth has been used by education experts, the media and even the president, despite the fact that over the last decade, African-American boys have largely avoided the “school-to-prison” pipeline.
2. African-American males believe academic achievement means they are “acting white.”
African-American males are not anti-intellectual. In fact, researchers have shown that African-American boys show more positive feelings toward school than do their white counterparts. University of North Carolina professor Roslyn Arlin Mickelson found, “Many black youth and adults express a high regard for education” and that there are a multitude of factors that shape black students’ educational attitudes.
3. Less than 50% of African-American males graduate from high school.
The high school dropout rate for African-American males has actually hit a historic low. According to a 2013 Education Week study, about 62% of African-Americans completed high school in 2010 (the most recent year for which the necessary data was available), compared to 80% of white students. The increase represents a 30% narrowing of the gap between black and white high school students.
Indeed, African-American males are graduating at historic levels. According to the Schott Foundation for Public Education, “In 2009-10 the national graduation rate for black male students was 52%. The graduation rate for white, non-Latino males was 78%. This is the first year that more than half of the nation’s black males in 9th grade graduated with regular diplomas four years later.” At the same time, overall high school dropout rates have fallen steadily since 1990, and there is no indication that the rates won’t continue to fall, given the trend over the past two decades.
4. African-American males don’t go to college.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, from 1976 to 2010, “the percentage of black students [enrolled in college] rose from 9% to 14%. During the same period, the percentage of white students fell from 83% to 61%.”
The Congressional Black Caucus report “Challenge the Status Quo,” meanwhile, found that there are 12.5 million African-American adult males living in America,who make up 5.5% of the total population, and 5.5% of the students on college campuses across America are black male students. The percentage of black male students enrolled in college is proportional to the 5.5% of African-American men college-age or above living in the U.S. today.
5. African-American student-athletes graduate at higher rates than their non-athlete black peers.
Often college coaches boast about how teamwork and sportsmanship translate to academic success. However, according to a University of Pennsylvania report on black male student-athletes in NCAA Division I college sports, 50.2% of African-American male student-athletes graduate within six years, compared to 55.5% of black undergraduate students overall. And the disparity is even larger if black male student-athletes are compared to other student athletes: 66.9% of overall student-athletes graduate within the same six-year period, representing an 11.4% gap between black student-athletes and their teammates.
6. African-American male students have the same opportunities as their peers.
This is an important one, part of the narrative that allows casual racism like the kind experienced by Kwasi Enin. In fact, a recent U.S. Education Department’s 2011-2012 Civil Rights Data Collection survey noted that the American school system treats African-American boys unfairly. African-American male students receive a disproportionate number of suspensions, detentions and call-outs, and have a much higher rate of being expelled from school. In addition, schools attended by African-American males have less access to experienced teachers and advanced placement classes, according to the survey.
At the same time, the Casey Foundation recently found that African-American students face the highest barriers to opportunities. The foundation’s researchers measured success toward 12 benchmarks, including literacy proficiency, rates of employment, income and several other factors. The report concluded that African-Americans. when compared to other racial groups using these benchmarks, fare the worst due to disparities they face from birth.
7. African-American male students are underachievers.
Coded language and misused statistics have constructed this idea that African-American male students are underachievers. But ignoring the fact that some of America’s brightest minds are African-Americans, recent research shows that a lack of critical feedback and demonstrated high expectations is stifling black confidence in the classroom.
In three double-blind randomized field experiments, researchers at the University of Texas found that African-American students improved their grades after having the assignment expectation reinforced by their teachers. These results point out that a cycle of mistrust and lower expectations is a likely culprit in cases of African-American underperformance.
I never thought back-in-the-day that a day would come I’d hear the words @ OMG who has a library card these days?? The comment was made in reference to an experience I’d just had..Did I tell y’all about it yet? Well it happened a couple of months back>>
Few months back on my lunch I went to pick up an online order from a popular eatery..This is a TRUE story folks I could never make this ‘ish UP..So anyways ran up to the front of the line(yay! there are advantages to pre-ordering..) past a long line of folks waiting to get in..Was HOT as heck outside & I was flustered from the heat & rushing cause I was starved! Wound up chatting with the clerk serving me & quickly handed her my card for payment..Said a few parting words & laughter/grabbed my receipt from here /and off I went back to the office..Soon as I got there one of my co-workers was cracking up as she said , “Did you LOOK at your receipt?” I had to admit that I hadn’t..So I dug down into the bag of food & looked at it. To my surprise & shock it said DECLINED..Wth?!? Next my co-worker said the eatery had just called to say I needed to come back to pay for the food..Ouch!, how embarassing..BUT there is NO way my card should’ve declined..Then I reached into the front of my wallet where I had quickly put the card I’d paid for the food with..It wasn’t a debit or credit card..IT WAS MY LIBRARY CARD I’d whipped out by accident. Jeeeez who does this kind of stuff by accident? And how is it possible the clerk had run the card & hadn’t noticed it? And how is it possible she just handed me my receipt & bid me good-bye??? Guess this sort of stuff can(and it DID) happen when in a very , crowded eatery & rushing..The extra shock the comments I got from co-workers..Oh, of course it was the LAUGH of the week for everyone..Yet, the one comment that stuck in my mind was ” OMG, who still has a library card these days??” Well I’ve got MY hand raised up high & waving..As hip as I think I am I’m proud to say I’m a library-card-carrying-& USING-chick!>>
Last night I was ordering a couple of books online from the LIBRARY & it brought this topic to mind..Could it ever be possible for public libraries to become a thing of the PAST? Oh, the horror! I can’t speak for anyone else but there is a feeling I get when I’m in the library..Just makes me FEEL smarter around all those books..I even love the smell & feel of books..Honestly? I study my best when I’m sitting in a quiet library..Its almost as IF the words leap off the page into my mind. >>
I think of all the things this generation & the ones behind it won’t have that I was able to partake in..Things that have become extinct..For instance the experience of family outings to the drive-in movie..WOW..Anyone remember those times? Good times for real..BUT is the public library soon going to be added to that list @things nevermore? Proof positive of things NOT used; you lose IT..Slowly but surely library hours are being shortened & library personnel laid off..Isn’t knowledge & education STILL a priceless thing in our country? Long ago my Daddy taught me to READ; before I could even speak properly..I followed by doing the same with my sons..It was a treasured outing! Heck, I thought I was raising scholars! (come to find out I was…) Money wasn’t something I had alot of during my short stints of single Mom/divorced Mom; but I could provide them with a place to READ. So glad I was taught that what I put into MY head; could never be taken away..Oh, the places I’ve gone by reading books! Places I’ve added onto my must-go-one-day-list. Oh, the things I’ve self-taught myself by reading books! >>
Bottom line IS if WE don’t use public libraries they’ll close one by one..Funds will simply be diverted to other things; perhaps things we can’t benefit from. I sure hope that day NEVER comes..So hopeful I am that people reading this will venture out & take their children to the library. Teach! them to use it to their advantage..It is FREE. A wealth of information..One can’t google up something they can’t SEE. Or least that is the way I see it. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed, 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
I can almost clearly recall back-in-the-day trying my best to be a perfectionist..In ALL that I did or said..For some reason I’d convinced myself that being “perfect” was what I had to do & be..I had the perfect husband who did only perfect things & would NEVER cheat on me like other women’s husbands..Oh NO not my husband! (By the way he was a nearly perfect & fine as heck hubby; and I’m not saying that just cause he’s a reader either lol! I’m serious..) I had the perfect children who I swore be danged weren’t going to have temper tantrums like other folks kids/were going to be scholars that read & read & weren’t allowed to listen to negative rap, etc etc…I kept the perfect household that was clean enough to eat off the floor..No small achievement with 3 small sons romping about..I was a hyper ball of energy juggling a cazillion balls at a time at the pace of the energizer bunny..From the outside looking in I had it ALL..Perfection to a T. And yet it wasn’t perfect..Nothing is ever as perfect as it looks. Even when it is US viewing the given situation at hand>>
As I reflect back, briefly, on those days I realize that I’m nearest “perfection”; when I’m NOT trying to reach perfection. Took me many moons to come to that realization..First & foremost a state of perfection simply does NOT exist. In ANYTHING. Admitting that to myself was the first step to my perfectionist recovery..I was holding myself to a standard that was a set-up for failure from the onset..Hand in hand with that I was also holding my loved ones to the same unreachable standards. Perfection doesn’t exist/A state of perfection does NOT exist/Nothing in this life is perfect/I am not perfect. Over and over and over again I had to let the words rain down on me & soak into my being>>
It isn’t easy to acknowledge one’s own faults/flaws..Truly takes much self-reflection to learn what makes us tick..Learning what truly makes us; happy. I learned I don’t desire being perfect..Being perfect takes too much work! And it isn’t FUN..I’m enjoying life far more now that I’m just allowing myself to BE. In turn I was able to relay to my sons to learn from their mistakes…I think its a mistake to try to STOP children from making mistakes..That is impossible. And long ago I quit wasting time on things that weren’t realistic nor feasible>>
IF this were a perfect world & life I think it would be called something entirely different..It would be called HEAVEN. And since it isn’t? I’m just glad I’ve learned to accept me & others for who they are..Imperfections and all..It is a state of being that takes far less effort than attempting to reach perfection. This way is effortless! I’m still juggling a cazillion balls; but I’ve learned that the key isn’t making sure no balls drop. It is knowing what can bounce back if you drop it & what can’t..Or least that is the way I see it.
***Life is full of Poetic Verse***I am fine. I will B fine. I am living my life out LOUD..in Color. Yesterday, I had one of those days & experienced but a mere “moment” in a space of a long, long! beautiful life..I’m just about 1/2 a century NEW. My life, inofitself has been what all of our lives are..yet some of us fail to realize..it IS a miracle , indeed! what we live through, climb over, run around, and Leap OVER while experiencing this thing called Life. Filled with moments bittersweet but also overflowing with so, so , so many moments of utter JOY..that it can set us on a momentum that forward propels us hurdling(for lack of a better word) with baited breath & excitement! into each brand new day. I move , alot, in a very brisk , electric filled pace; trying with all my might to squeeze the UTmost out of each moment , each experience, each! day..But sometimes I also STOP to literally smell the roses; for none of us know(honestly) when we or IF we’ll re-experience any of what we embark on daily. When I decided to blog & share my real-true-life “happenings” out in front of the world; I promised myself I’d do it with an open nature so that I might leave my journey behind to mark a life journey. My life journey..for my 3 beautiful Black princes , for my grandchildren whenever they come to B, for anyone out there who just might gain something positive from what I’ve lived. What is this life really ABOUT if we don’t in the process of living..touch many? It is my sincere desire to let ALL of the love in my heart overflow , always, releasing what I call Liquid Love..Words can touch many. Words are powerful. Words can heal. Words can help one get through ‘Ish..And 2nd to actions; words can express Love in remarkable ways. I’ve been humbled beyond the realm I thought possible; by my WordPress experience..its given me confirmation of what, I think, I already knew. People represent Love..and when they reach out 2 others, from across countries no less, it brings to my full realization why I’m such a people-loving social butterfly. For the many that reached out to me last night? YOU wow’ed me/Blew my hair back/Rode through “it” with me/Showed a stranger love, love , love..Those that have known me a lifetime know I’m a fighter..Never hit a person with my hands out of anger, yet!, I’ve fought my entire Life to get TO my God given potential..Its when things have “seemed” the darkest to me; that have motivated me to “see” light..Like in a dark room & one strains their eyes to make out the shadows in the darkness while slowly proceeding forward(because stubbing a toe! hurts like heck) I say all of this to say@ I am fine. I will B fine always; even when I think I’m not! Like my yesterday..I am living my Life out LOUD..in Color. I am rich when it comes to Love in my Life..I am Blessed. God hears my Prayers & HE hears YOUR prayers. This is a brand new day & WE woke up this morning..And that inofitself is a Blessing and cause to celebrate. I’ll be back tonight on my usual word grind & my kool-aid smile! Until then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)
iJust think of how very different communication would be if..Leonard Kleinrock hadn’t wished something wild & NEW? A novel idea that NO one before him put down on paper. Folks probably thought he was crazy to even think of it. Folks probably told him it couldn’t be done in a million years! And yet look at how the Internet has grown from 1961 to 2013..It all began with a wish in the head of Kleinrock. A wish that has changed the entire WORLD. It began when he penned ‘Information Flow in Communication Nets’ in 1961..Even I’d not yet been born! But from the wish of Kleinrock that is when the Internet was born. WOW. Aren’t you glad he dared to wish & dream? >
What IF Alexander Graham Bell hadn’t dreamed? I’m more than sure folks that he had LOST his mind ; when he first introduced his idea. Think of how very different our lives would be without our cell phones?!? OMG I feel naked if I even think of walking out the front door without mine..Most days if I know where nothing else IS; I know where my cell phone is. Far more that I, we, do on cell phones than just talk. But aren’t we all thankful Bell acted on his dream? What IF he had let his doubts overshadow his vision? (or all of the naysayers doubts) When I think of such things from that perspective..it makes me THINK & reflect on wishes/ideas/dreams that I have>
To be driven & motivated to do anything..isn’t always easy. Some of us just thrive on creativity! Even something as simple as creating a blog site/with one’s own ideas; and to keep it going isn’t always as SIMPLE as it looks. But I’m in a phase of life that I strongly believe; nothing is impossible. If we can dream IT; it can be done. Wishes DO come true..There are things that can be accomplished withOUT a set of directions to do so. Folks that are afraid of failure; are human. Those that dare to push past those fears become..innovators.>
Many that have accomplished giving life to their dreams; failed many times before it came to fruition! One only has to google up such folks as Disney, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, even Karl Benz..the list goes on & on. But one of the beautiful things in this life; is the chance for 2nd chances. The opportunities to live one’s dreams these days is limitless..but one first has to believe in their own capabilities. WE only get one shot at this life..Live IT. Wish IT. Dream IT. Do IT.>
>>All day long! I couldn’t get this off my mind..Itched 2 write the idea down yet had such a non-stop busy day that I couldn’t find the time..IF you don’t have a theme song in mind for yourself; then put your thinking cap ON and..think of 1. Going to dig up the video clip or lyrics from mine(yep! I’ve got my very own theme song..) and then I’ll give this “topic” the time/attention it deserves..
*When *IS*THE*LAST*TIME*YOU*TOOTED*YOUR*OWN*HORN?* Hmmmm, well IF you don’t do it everyonceinagreatwhile; how will you teach your special ‘the ONE’..how to do it properly? Ready? Get set…Really ready? I am..
*Anyone out there realize that just as we can be our own worst enemies(used to be my own..); we can also be our best form of advertisement? Otherwise known as branding..One has to feel good about themselves from the INside out; in order to attract the same. Or least that is the way I see IT. Took me a very long time to get “it”..we truly are what we eat . Same difference as we project what we feel on the inside & without a doubt attract mirror images of self.
^Sounds like a simple enough formula, right? Yet , for some of us took many moons to truly master it. And now that I’m here; there is no turning back..Being here feels fabulous. Fits. I’ve worked hard to get here and survived alot of ‘ish! to earn a Masters in life…still working on getting my PHD in it>
Getting back to the topic at hand behind all of that..Personal theme songs. Remember the movies from backintheday? The ones when the main character walked into the screen shot; you knew they were coming because of the music. Every single time it was time for their grand entrance into the scene; the same song was played. Their theme song..music has an awesome way of serving so many purposes. I personally don’t do much without music in my background..Poetess that I am music is a form of poetry set to tunes; so of course I’d love it. And when I’m not listening to music? I’m vibing to my own tune in my thoughts…
Which leads me to the introduction of my very own theme song…At least for the time being until my status changes from ‘single’ & almost ready to date 2 attached/involved/in love with my ‘the one’..This song perfectly captures my essence/my desires/my vibe. Could hardly believe it when I discovered it a couple months ago. I’ve played the vinyl off of it, lol. Well, I would’ve if records were still sold instead of CDs..in other words I like this song. Alot. Just fits. To a T. So without further delay here is my theme song..Have ya’ll picked one for yourselves yet? Well when you do , let your hair down, post it here so we can all check it out. Until then listen in and enjoy mine…and oh until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the one & only)
Just today someone whose met my parents..told me how lucky I was to have such awesome, loving parents AND that they were both still alive & well. The person who said that lost her father at a very, very young age..She said it so softly ; I had to lean forward to hear her. It made me pause to reflect hours later. Here are a few of my thoughts on a topic, which I feel, is highly important these days..Hang onto your hats & wigs this road might get a little bumpy>
In a perfect world, or as perfect as things can BE..and when folks let nature do what it does naturally; it takes TWO to make a baby. Takes two to bring into the world another perfect creation..in my minds eye’s this process(the 9 months in which it takes baby to flourish in the womb) is THE most beautiful event on this earth. I’m sure anyone out there that has or is experiencing it..can relate. I fell in love with each of my 3 sons long before their kicks pummeled my tummy. Once I saw them as they came splashing into the world, shiny like a brand new penny, I was hooked for LIFE..
There was a time backintheday, before I was as evolved as I am now, that I felt I was the “perfect” parent to do most of all for my son…I had a stint as a single mother for a bit; and I’d gotten used to doing it ALL. Once I became married and part of a beautiful love union; I didn’t quite know how to let go of the reins of one-parent-parenting. I can be honest about it now that I’ve realized it. At the time I just thought I was “right”. At the time I didn’t realize that my “parental micro-managing” was cutting my husband out of the parenting process..or least a part of it. An important part of it. How fortunate & blessed I am/was; that he was strong enough and loved me & our sons enough to SHOW me(not even did he tell me..) that I was “wrong”>
When I began to observe how our sons NEEDED their Dad’s nuturing/guidance/words of discipline; was when I finally began to let go of the reins I’d held on one-parent parenting. Honestly, I can’t recall exactly when that was..my best guess is about 1/3 of the way of our middle sons’ life. (which at that point our youngest son was still a toddler; and coincidentally when we divorced) I think what made that a pivotal life-changing decision for me; was when I noticed how much our sons missed their Dad living in the house with us. Love for my sons forced me to face reality. They needed him to be very present in their lives; even if I didn’t want him to be present in my heart. Which by the way it was/and has been impossible to erase him from my heart anyway…>
Thankfully because of this great ephiphany! I had; our sons never had to go through the tug-of-war that some children of divorce have to endure..I wanted him to spend time with them! Early on during our 2 yr divorce proceedings and process; I discovered I not only did NOT want to raise our sons alone..it just was NOT fair to our sons for me to have to. So, I encouraged their Dad to come pick them UP to visit. IF it looked like he was going to change plans or dates to pick them UP; I called him and convinced him it wasn’t fair to them. They missed him and they needed him; COME get them and fulfill your parental duty & responsibility. Exclamation point. Period. I think sometimes folks can get caught UP, for a brief minute, in this life journey..and we can forget the things that matter most to us. Since then? He has thanked me for staying firm during that time frame..he loves his sons immensely. I think both of us were a bit lost without each other during that timeframe..Mothers, however, have no choice but to be mothers 24/7 365 days a year from the birth of the child until death. And my belief? Fathers should have NO choice but to do the same. It takes 2 to make them AND it rightfully takes 2 to co-raise them properly. Anything less is a great dis-service to the child..>
I think also because I’d always had 2 loving parents in my life time; it was quite easy to want the same for my/our sons..My now ex-husband hadn’t had that; for his own Father died when he was quite young. Having said that however..he is one of the BEST Fathers/Daddies/Pops!/Papa’s..that I know. Matter of fact I’d go as far as saying he ranks number 2; number 1 of course is my own Daddy. I can’t imagine my life without my Daddy in it; not in the yesteryears nor now. It is my belief that God created 2 parents for a reason..1 of each gender. But what I’ve also learned is that both genders can nuture. I used to think that was only something that Mom’s could DO. That just isn’t the case..WE do it well and we do it quite naturally due to the instant bonding that takes place while the baby is growing in our womb. I’ve never felt anything more natural than being & becoming a Mother. It IS in my opinion the single most important JOB on this planet. It should rightfully always be..or least that is the way I see IT>
*It takes a while village to raise a child* ..Origin is from Igbo & Yoruba(Nigeria) proverb. Translation =it takes a communal effort to raise a child. > If there is even a tiny shred of proof that this is true(which it is my belief it is…) than at the least don’t children DESERVE to be co-raised by both parents? Whether parents divorce or never marry; the job still remains to raise children once they’re born. Somehow these days that just doesn’t appear to be happening consistently. Often times I feel perhaps folks should have to obtain a license to have children…I could really go off on a tangent with that thought process; but I won’t. Thats another topic for another time. There are many books on child-rearing from an array of viewpoints; yet, matters not if the arrangement of parenting isn’t agreed upon from the onset. And then kept during the duration…No one ever said a child’s upbringing would be an easy task. Matter of fact it is probably the most difficult job we hold in life. There are no trial runs either. Once the baby is born the clock starts & doesn’t stop ticking until…death. Unfortunately, for children, they can’t request from their parents to do right by them. To give them a fighting chance in life by raising them properly..Society suffers when it isn’t even attempted. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t make a person a parent. Putting one’s own needs aside & loving them enough to parent them does..and that takes at the least the 2 that brought them into the world. >Until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
For anyone out there that lives in a spot, where fireflies exist, I wish I could see them! I recall backintheday loving the way their light lit UP the night ..My bro and I fondly called them what they were@lightening bugs.(well we were little at the time & thought everyone called them that) I think as people , like moths, many of us are drawn to the light..This is true without many even knowing it; we’re drawn to light just as day’light’ affects our moods & energy levels. (affects our chronobiological system) Now that I’m living “an intentional life”; and not just letting life happen 2 me..such things interest me far more than ever before. And learning more about it has impacted my life in immeasurable positive ways, countless, and the number is still climbing…
I’m of the belief we can speak(or think) things in or out of existence…I said this to someone recently; and being the wonderfully inquisitive person she is she asked me” Do you really believe that?!? ” My answer was/is yep, I sure do! Why? Because the mind is a trip…literally. WE can convince our selves of things no one else can! For instance, have you ever walked into an interview knowing/feeling/exhibiting like YOU are the best candidate for that position?? I don’t give a dang if there are a cazillion other candidates that applied for that ONE job..you just know & feel deep down in your bones/spirit/mind that YOU were created to do that job the BEST? Well, IF you walked in thinking the opposite; just think how that would impact your attitude thus affecting how you interview. In a negative manner…
For the record my disclaimer & my truth I live IS..I believe every single word my fingertips stroke here. I don’t paint a picture this vividly that I can’t see. My paintbrush is enormous! And I am living my life in bold, bright(yep I love bright colors) fabulous colors..Just yesterday I got a double-dose of bad news..News that were I the person I usedtoB could’ve/would’ve floored me. But I’ve learned, yearn to learn more, and am learning..myself and to live an intentional life. WE all have choices in this life. With concerted effort we can overcome and ride through ANY storm. I’m relentless now and majority of days my inner light flows out effortlessly..There is a song I don’t have time to dig up for ya’ll right now; thats called “I’m gonna let my little light shine” (or something close to that..) And I believe we all have the power within US; to do just that. Can’t we be the light we want to see in the world? I think we can and I think it will make the world a much better place..if we do just that. So today , and even on days (like this day is for me…) ; when you just don’t feel like you can muster UP the strength to let your little light shine..let it shine anyway. Know why? Because someone out there that usually shines so effortlessly, like lil ole me, might just need to vibe off the warmth of your light..So just bring IT. Time to prepare for church so until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Ever think about your existence in direct relation to the rest of the universe? Or in regards to the rest of the planet? One step further..Do you often wonder how your actions can(or do they? ) impact others in your family?/in your country?/at work?/in the world? Yep, I’m IN the midst of a wave of deep thought..and trying to ride it gracefully.
~We’re often told, by the infamous “they”, that living in the here & now is all there is…I’ll dig a little deeper. One time in my life a person, that I hardly knew, told me that I was right where ‘I’ was supposed to be at that very moment. I didn’t want to acknowledge what she was saying; because it wasn’t a very bright spot in my life journey. Last thing I wanted to believe was that it was meant to BE..but now? I see things differently, total-180-degree-type-of-differently
What is IT about humans that we’re far more prone to either ..a. re-play thoughts in our head(as well as verbally & written) about the past or b. create things in our mind about the future..i.e. fantacizing ..and sometimes even in our sleep..i.e..dreams. Not realizing at those times that doing so takes us away from the “present experience”; the now. Likewise wouldn’t this also mean when doing this we’re not fully “engaged & present” to interact with others in our life? Not fair to them when looked at that way ; especially IF they’re already fully living in the right now..
I’ve learned living in the past and/or the future; meant I was missing out on the freedom and peace in the right now..My awareness of this is SO real now that is almost tangible. I swear somedays I can almost taste it…I think we all know by now; its far easier to learn something than it is to UNlearn something. Including ways of thinking..I literally have had to ‘force’ myself to see the pure and utter beauty in the now. I stop to smell “alot” of roses now. Alot.. And it is so far beyond liberating that even I can’t find the proper way or word to express it fully
I could see how “the past” was creating /molding my present & future…Once I became conscious of that; I chose to make another choice. I chose to forgive the past; and fully embrace the now. And quite frankly I wake UP each morning and leap, almost literally(head rush alot of times doing this; so be careful! ) in anticipation and excitement of a brand new day/beginning. Its like you wake up excited as a child on Christmas Day every morning! With the feeling of “What did I miss and if I sleep one more minute I might miss something”…which could explain why most mornings(even weekends when I’m off work) I wake at O’dark thirty. I never need to use an alarm..ever.
I used to think life was happening “to me”; instead of “for me”. And I’m here as a witness to say one(including you if you want to..) can totally change the way you perceive things..but it takes a great deal of work(daily and consistently) and an immense desire to wish to change. Even deeper than the old adage@Nothing changes until something changes, is, one must change their way of thinking before anything can change…I believe in this , not because I’ve heard or read it(which I have..) but because I am living it.
I think we all have a purpose we were born/created to fulfill. A God-given life purpose..for me knowing that gives life meaning. Without such beliefs I think life would be beyond dull and would probably be similar to how a gerbil feels…running around & around a wheel all day long! Day after day after day year after year after year; until death. As IF! I don’t even want to imagine that type of existence..As I reach different levels of consciousness(and I’ve still a ways to go…) through meditation, reflection, prayer, and as I interact with people from different cultures/from different countries/from different backgrounds; what is no longer in alignment with where I’m “at” (my now and my present) is falling to the wayside. Like old hurts from the past. Thus making it easier to forgive and yep, to eventually forget. That being factual inofself has been immensely beneficial for my now; and for my future. I dig the fact that by living in the “now”; I am being all I can be right now. Not tomorrow. Not planning for when I’m going to do this or that for a rainy day. But right now. And I try very hard to remember this and it helps me to keep things in perspective. ” Whatever is happening in my current experience, on any given day or moment, was meant to BE or it wouldn’t BE”>Until I write/read ya’ll again stay uplifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to know all the answers..to anything. But what I do speak on I’ve lived. Through trial & error; and this theory is what works for me. In every aspect of my life it is working; only exception is my last love relationship. Which honestly I’ve not applied the time it deserves..but the right time for that is coming. Soon. Very soon. Anyways I say all of that to say I practice what I preach. Moving right along>
Keep it moving means exactly what it implies. Stay busy reaching/striving for your goals/dreams! This is a conscious “choice” we can make. And it is necessary; if one wants to make sound, progressive choices instead of excuses. Ever met a person that just goes on and on about would’ve , should’ve , could’ve? They’re probably also a couch potato ..as IF that will help them do some of those things they wish they could’ve done. Staying busy , productive, and progressive keeps my mind clear of unnecessary clutter and B.S.! I simply don’t have time for it..and the rest of the time I’m sleep. But still working on getting more of that. But anyways moving right along>
Kis..yep, almost just as good as kiss! Keep it simple..Choose what you want to do. List the things it will take to get the job done. And one by one knock down the things on that list..before you know it..mission accomplished! Keeping it simple allows one to NOT get distracted(or delayed) by unnecessary complications. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” Quote by Albert Einstein
I used to live by chance..Trying to do everything in a perfect manner. Wound up feeling disappointed in myself alot because..a state of perfection doesn’t exist! When I chose to grab life and my goals..by the cajones and just do IT..I’ve been a cazillion times more effective in achieving what I set out to do. And a heck of alot happier/comfy in my own skin/content 100% with my choices/decisions. Sometimes you just have to step out on FAITH. Been there and doing it. Alot. It is never an easy walk; but waiting for others to decide my fate left me feeling unfulfilled. NO one person , nobody, can make the best choices for an adult that will leave that person feeling wonderful. But making a choice that is right for me(you); regardless of whether it fails or not..has been awesome for my soul and self-esteem. When the choice, my choice, works!..I feel like I’m walking on air/gives me more confidence to make more choices & decisions/and motivates me to strive higher. The impossible truly is possible..ya’ll will just have to trust me on that one. Or try it for yourselves.
IF there is something about your life you’re not content with; work to change IT. We all know the type of folks who whine about this or that..yet do nothing to change it. That is their choice..however for those that truly want to make a change..just DO it. 17 months ago I took a leap of faith(for the 1st time in my life journey) and I’ve never looked back…Change? It is possible if you want it badly enough. Even at almost 50 yrs of age.
Last but not least most of us have a very, very strong relationship with our “inner voice”. That “gut” feeling. I call mine my “vibe radar”..when I feel good vibes from a person or an environment..99.9% of the time it is spot on. Same for the vibes I get when I’m making a decision or choice. Its called intuition. With most women it is strong; problem is we don’t listen to it half as much as we should. Until we get older/wiser/stronger/BETTER..or maybe that is just how its worked out for me. Word of advice? Learn yourself. Learn what you’re skilled at. Learn what you do BEST. Strive to figure out your GOD given talents. We ALL have them; just some of ya’ll don’t use them or don’t know what yours are. Learn your flaws and your faults. Admit them and work on improving them. Daily..Learn your weaknesses. Try to either stay “away” from them or get stronger so they won’t be a weakness. Its my belief the more one learns themselves; the more one’s inner voice can be heard and felt. Real talk. It works if you work it. Least that is the way I see IT…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
I am so high on life..
Deliciously and naturally smashed
*My old way of thinking/feeling/BEing?*
Somewhere far away backintheday…
I’m reaching higher and higher
Called my own cease fire
From my old worst opposition
In a forever state of remission
The she that used to be me..
I am so high on life!
Stressing less & less
Didn’t get here on my own
Even though I’m quite grown
Finally ! learned I’d never walked alone..
But no more talk of days gone by & yester-years
Long forgotten past haunts ,pursuits and fears
Manipulating A,B,Cs with my pen to the max
Vibing floetically my mental is set on: relax
Sashaying thru life while to myself staying true
Free at last! to do what only I can do as I do
I am so high on life that I can kiss the sky
Any higher I might just think I really can fly
Laughing out loud so much from the inside out
No longer restrained and free of self doubt
Wrapped UP in my uniqueness & originality rules
Bringing it back till its once again “in” ; even cool
My eyes lifted up to the heavens so thankful my God is patient
HE walked beside me all the while and long before I believed..
I’ve left behind all the things I thought I knew and perceived
High on life
Did you know what YOU think; is what YOU attract? Let that sink in for a minute..and take this thought with you also. @ ““The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her/his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
**Remember all the passion, drive, ambition, goals, DREAMS ya’ll had when leaving the “nest”? That all encompassing feeling of thinking , I can DO it all and I know it all! ; and I’m going to do this, and travel there! , etc etc, yada yada..And then life happened. Bills, marriage, more bills, house with a picket fence, more bills!, children, more bills, children’s education, more BILLS..and in between off to work we go….Its all too easy to get SO caught up in co-raising children and holding down a marriage/love relationship plus taking care of the household; to forget one’s OWN dreams. Or least it was for moi(me) My dreams took a major back seat…by design. For once I became a Mother; it became my full time job. And the most important JOB that I’ll ever have..When I became an empty-nester; I honestly didn’t know how to handle IT. It didn’t come easy to me as many would think it should..It was traumatic. Thoughts of “What do I do NOW?” “OMG my sons don’t neeeeed me anymore” etc…Suddenly it seemed as if my days lasted forever. I didn’t know what to DO with all the extra time. I had forgotten my dreams. And I was totally clueless how to “desire” my old passions/dreams/goals as I once had. But now, thanks to a mighty GOD, and an extremely loving family/friends; I can remember my dreams. And daily I’m working on attaining them one by one. I dream BIG and I dream in living COLOR>
I think one of the main keys to staying progressive IS; staying positive! We have to keep ourselves UPlifted. We have to believe in ourselves before anyone else will. And we have to know we can achieve ANYthing we desire. IF we can dream it; we can do IT. Or least that is the way I see it..and I’m living it. I’ve come to believe that nothing easily gained is worth it. Nada..I’m a worker bee..And if you spend time around me; I’ll put you to work also. Nothing changes; until something changes..and that means keeping it moving. Was Rome built in a day? Absolutely not..but it took a TON of folks to build Rome UP. And I’m willing to bet it began with a dream that it could happen..
The Laws of Cause & Effect are strong in our lives..Once we truly realize that; any goal can be accomplished. Are you at cause so you give yourself the power to make the choice about how you think, feel and act and you create the life you want or are you at the effect of everything life throws at you so you see everything as negative and are always looking for something or someone to blame for your what happens to you in life? Let that sink in for a minute. And being honest with self in answering that helps..
And last, but certainly not least..HELP someone else reach their dream while you’re striving towards yours. Lending a helping hand to others , for me, has brought me joy..it just feels good! And, believe it or not, when you least expect it..it comes back tenfold. Amazing how that works out
Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
In dedicating this week’s posts to ALL things pertaining to Black America..in honor of Black History Month..I’d be remiss in not giving proper attention/adulation/RESPECT to BLACK FATHERS. I should’ve begun and ended with this topic; but I needed time to gather my thoughts to give this topic the HIGH regard it deserves. I can only pray I give it the DUE justice it so rightfully earns. Here is my very best attempt to stand UP and pay homage to the Black MEN whose positive side is notoriously ignored by the media, the paparazzi, often times by Black WOMEN themselves..
**This is a subject near & dear 2 my heart as a 4ever & very LOVED Daddy’s Girl. I dedicate this piece as a tribute to the MAN who gave me life/has been my life-line in my darkest of days/and who has been the voice in my life journey that could instantly bring me comfort when I needed it the most/and beloved lifemate & lovemate of my Mom.. I love you always, Daddy!**
~”Mothers can not be Fathers…Fathers can not be Mothers” EACH role is distinctly important and that is far too often disregarded by the Black community. In the same regard a FATHER’s role is CRUCIAL in a child’s development; no different than it takes both sexes to make a baby…it should rightfully take BOTH to properly raise a child. Exclamation point. Period..Nonetheless many a Black woman has HAD to take on both roles. Or in some cases , far too many, overlooked and under-mined a Father’s role in their child(rens) lives. Which, in my opinion, is a GREAT disservice to the child. Because society does its best to depict Black Fathers as UNneeded; Black Mothers/Women have got to play double -duty letting them know they’re ESSENTIAL. It is a part of our unspoken JOB even though we fall short at times doing so…
>For far too long the “rumors” that resonate as so called “facts” in American society about Black Fathers hasn’t been defended OUT LOUD by anyone…including the Black community. Harsh and sad as that sounds we all know it is true. But what is NOT true is the UNtruth that Black men don’t care /don’t want to care about their children . I’ve lived and seen quite the opposite with my own Father(aka Daddy) , my exhusband, and a host of friends who are Black Fathers/Dads/Pops!/Papa..
NOT only do Black men LOVE their children , and want to spend time with them, but many have had to go to great lengths(and expense of attorneys) to secure what should be their “right”; as a parent. Which is to participate and BE involved in their child’s life; & faced much resistance from racially/gender biased court systems. I personally witnessed a friend of mine endure this for 3 years! The entire time over $800 a month deducted from his salary monthly; yet he had to fight the courts/& child’s mother for visitation rights. Honestly, had I not witnessed it I’d not have believed such a thing could happen…What I feel needs to happen so this can cease is Black mothers have GOT to stop manipulating the court system. Why stop a well-intentioned Father from spending time with their child? And shouldn’t we ask ourselves WHY the court system would allow such a thing?!? But one only has to know the detriment to a child without their Father in their lives..just maybe the infamous “they” don’t want Black Fathers involved in their childrens lives for a reason. Nevertheless the courts would NOT be able to dictate such things; IF mothers respected the importance of the Father’s involvement. Black relationships without a doubt need a major overhaul when courts are this involved in “their” childrens lives…WE can and must do better or our childrens future will be bleak.
The positive impact an actively engaged Father has on a child’s life is beyond priceless…#1 . Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their child #2. Indirectly the relationship between child’s parents will IMPACT the child for life. So even when parents split maintaining a cordial environment is MANDATORY. Just look at it as working on a mutual major project together; your child. Mature folks who love their child can manage this(and helps if you once loved each other)…#3. Children with involved, caring Fathers have better educational outcomes. Higher IQs, better linguistic & cognitive skills(if you don’t believe me google it..) #4.Children with involved Fathers are more emotionally secure,confident to explore their surroundings, less likely to get into trouble at home , school , or anywhere!, and have better social connections/skills #5. Children with involved Fathers are far less likely to experience depression issues, less likely to exhibit disruptive behavior, MORE likely to exhibit pro -social behavior #6. LESS likely to get involved with DRUGS, gangs, or violent behavior..
I’ve personally lived out loud the benefit of having been born into an active 2 parent loving(and IN love with one another)”nuture” team..Fortunately I no longer live over 3,000 miles from them; and loving every moment I get to spend with my parents. Parenting is a JOB that lasts for a LIFEtime. It never ends folks…. I’ve also been part of a 2 parent parenting team with my now exhusband; and its been(and still is) an experience I’ll cherish forever. My exhusband fully understands and promotes the importance of BOTH of our roles; and I give him his much deserved DUE props on a regular basis. He’s known to say there is nothing like “mama love” ; and likewise with “Pops love” We’ve shared duties and “huddled” over major issues. Even though we’ve been divorced for years. Having watched the nuturing love he has given to our sons; has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I’ve got another treasured friend who raised his children on his own basically…never once bad mouthing his children’s mother. Just stepped UP and took the reins in his hands and raised 3 awesome people. Single & GREAT Black Fathers DO exist. Though they ask for no applause; the applause should be thunderous! Enough of just the negative stories about our Black Fathers being plastered across screen and newspapers..the same light should be shown on the outstanding ones. And IF this isn’t done then Black Women need to step UP and do the JOB they were created for@Be supportive of Black Men when the rest of the world is NOT…Or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)
~I am NOT my hair. I am NOT this skin. I am NOT your expectations no, no. I am NOT my hair ! I am NOT this skin….I am a SOUL that lives within~Lyrics by India Aire. India Aire’s song suggests we aren’t our hair..While I can understand the point she’s making; I can’t personally relate. I do indeed feel our hair IS a reflection and self-expression of WHO we are; and whats going on inside of us. And while the Bible says that a woman’s hair is her GLORY; with BLACK women I feel it is FAR more than that. IT defines us in ways that don’t just meet the “eye”; but also reveals our ESSENCE.
First things first..For many moons I’ve said the following @ The Black hair care industry is a multi-million dollar industry; and the Black community is the LEAST to see any revenue from it! Ya’ll can google UP whose got the major control over the industry(cause I think most of us already know…); and also note the fact they’ve a. excluded non-Koreans(yep, you guessed it!) from the industry by refusing to distribute to them b. raised prices higher when distributing products to non-Koreans c. do NOT put revenue back into Black communities but INSTEAD put the revenue back into theirs….Now the question that is just begging to be answered is?!? WHY didn’t Blacks corner the market on their own hair products in the first place???? And now? Everyone has got their hands into the pot of gold regarding Black women’s hair care; except Black women. *slapping forehead* But there are alternatives…
The new hot debate is Natural vs. Relaxed or Weaves…and it can get quite heated! Not in the conversations I’ve engaged in though…Natural is the being called the New Black. I’ve even heard sista ‘s that went natural say they feel its disgusting when a sista either relaxes or wears a weave. WOW. and omg! as if we need yet another thing to divide us. Lawd! Personally I feel it is a woman’s choice to do what SHE pleases with her hair..IF she wants to wear a wolly mammoth atop her head; her business! IF she wants to pay upwards of $500 or more for really good natural fake hair; her business! If she wants to chop it all off and strut it bald; her business! And IF she wants to chemically relax her hair/hot comb it; her business! OUR hair is already scrutinized, styles stolen( Bo Derek took OUR braids to a whole new level…) and critiqued by everyone else as it is. Last thing that needs to happen now is in-fighting..so knock it off! Chill out and do your thing with YOUR hair; and respect others to do the same with theirs. Some sista’ s want to try to micro-manage everything and everybody..jeeeeez. Can’t we all just get along?!?
Here is my opinion regarding natural vs relaxed vs weaves vs bald. The bald state is an easy & quick answer. Hecks NO! I dig being versatile far too much to even consider it..Backintheday my exhusband used to say I’d be beautiful to him even if I was bald! Aww gotta love him but still NO WAY. I’ve seen beautiful Black women sport the bald look ; but not my style.
I’ve also seen beautiful sista’s rock weaves..Beyonce is NEVER without a weave. Ever…her natural hair is boy short. It is quite the norm now for anyone to go from boy short to waist long hair over night. And also quite costly. There are weaves you can’t tell aren’t real hair…Love the idea of being versatile as an option. But I like my scalp being able to breathe…I don’t even wear hats! When I want to run my hands through my scalp; I don’t want to pull back thread. Or worse; not have the freedom to run my hands through my hair. Different strokes for different folks and this just isn’t my style.
I’ve got MAD respect & regard for sista’s that sport their natural hair! The cost is lower than weaves/wigs and I hear it is very liberating….I’ve got male Black friends who will NOT date a woman who wears weaves/wigs/relaxers. They want it all natural…from head to toes.
And while the numbers of Black women who go natural is rising; the majority are still relaxing or semi-relaxing their hair. It is convenient and when maintained with natural conditioners/relaxers the hair is very healthy. I’ve been on the verge of going all natural; but I’ve not dived in with both feet yet. I’m semi there and I use double natural conditioners in my hair to keep it healthy & vibrant. Which takes more time but to me its worth it. I love my hair long…and since its naturally thick I have an awesome time being able to wear many different styles. I don’t get angry when people ask if its real….Actually I think its very amusing “others” are SO obsessed with OUR hair enough to ask such a question. Bottom line is it is our hair/ our choice. And that is the way I see it…Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
**This is one of my fave topics in the entire world. In this life time. LOVE..So kick back, get comfy, grab a snack because I’m on ONE this morning! And I’m ready to talk about love; the way I see IT. Sorry folks but I can’t think like a MAN. Though I’ve got the “Act Like A Lady” part well practiced & lived for years. Why can’t I think like a MAN? Quite simply because I’m not one! And though I can “appreciate” my bro Steve Harvey’s “opinion” on love matters…I’ve got my own. Comes quite naturally for me 2 think with my heart & its mandatory that my future man be capable of doing the same. Here I go! I’m diving IN head first…
**For the YOUTH I hope, and pray! ya’ll don’t let the mass “failure” , yep! I said it, of love relationships scare you from falling IN love. I hope you find a good example out there, somewhere, of a solid, true love relationship to have some guidelines @what a loving relationship even looks like. As I’ve matured & trying to age oh! so gracefully I’ve come to learn alot of folks don’t have that..I’ve met far few people who are from homes that weren’t broken; than not. I’m blessed in many, many ways..took me so long to come to realize that. Might sound like bragging but it is simply the truth. Fighting the urge to digress ….Simply said as a child of life long parents IN love/still married/life partners; I had no excuse to fail at marriage. Right? Mayhaps…so instead of beating self UP(done enough of that over the years..) I’ve decided to look back on my love relationships, briefly, to discern what the lesson was/IS. My sum UP(a Berna’ism) from experiencing being “in love” 3 times; is that I’m pretty dang fortunate. Only married one of them and friends still with all 3 of them…Let love begin with friendship. Why? Because love that is allowed to grow from a friendship; never ends. You’ll no longer desire to be in a union with them; but you’ll always care for them as people. Lovers lesson #1=Choose good people with good hearts…It matters!
^There is NO substitute on this planet, in my humble opinion, than being IN love. A close runner UP to giving birth/life! to being the number 1 type of love one can experience on earth. Letting go of one’s heart strings is worth risking possibly being hurt…It has taken me years to truly believe that and to be ready once again. Being ready to love means trusting someone with your prized possession..Your HEART. For some of us that are so used to being control freaks; letting go to BE loved is not an easy task. Especially when one has been hurt before…If you’re young and have already been hurt you must first forgive whoever hurt you. And then let that hurt and pain GO. There is no chance for new love if you’ve not done that first…Exclamation mark. Period!
Love IS how you feel when in the company of the object of your affections! That is how one falls IN love..When someone else’s heart links UP with yours. Sometimes very quickly. Yep, I’m a believer in love at first sight. Not just from a visual perspective but when 2 hearts and 2 souls link UP from the onset…Has happened to me once and it was as real as real can BE. With love even the impossible is quite possible…
I think women and men are as different as any two things on this planet…I feel GOD made us soooo different to always keep things exciting/fresh; and far from boring. Just trying to link UP 2 such different ways of thinking takes alot of effort/time/patience/trust/RESPECT/understanding/COMMUNICATION..and when alll of that syncs UP it is something that NO one(no man, no woman!, nor creature) can break apart. Solid as a rock; Ashford & Simpson wrote a song about that once. But! thatsbackwhentheymadeREALsongswithREAL lyrics…
Think with your heart and trust the feelings that come about because of it…Try hard to remember IF it is meant to be; it will BE. So don’t attempt to force love. Don’t settle for ANYTHING less…if you think with your heart it is easy to discern real love from lust. For the younger woman out there never forget this=ANY man can lay down with you and have SEX…Takes “the man” your “the ONE” to make love 2 you; he will take you 2 heaven mentally! He’ll fill your thoughts ALL throughout the day and every single one of your dreams at night…I wish for ya’ll the same thing I’ve prayed for & know will enter my world this year. I can feeeeeel IT coming…Instead of just saying I’m waiting on my “the ONE” I’ve got a new name for it. I’m waiting on *MY BARACK OBAMA * to find me! Not Michelle’s(she better be glad she snagged him first cause there is a longggg line of us who wanted to be #1 ) but a different one with the same qualities(ohhh he loooooks at her with such LOVE) ; one that was created/born! just to love ME. And on that note I’m signing off….Until I read ya’ll/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)
~~I’ve decided to post a ‘Thought 4 the Week’ . Going to jump start things by starting with one near N dear to my heart. It is my true BELIEF that what we intake (whether it is what we hear, see, or ingest into our bodies..) can and DOES have an impact on us! That includes what we see or hear from others. What we see or hear in our environment.(including what is on the BOOB tube ) It only makes sense that if one intakes alot of negativity; it can impact even the most positive of people. In a negative way! And negative vibes will seep out in some form or another. So what is Karma? This is the way I see IT…I’m currently reading two books; one of the books is a reference guide @Philosophy by Steven Law. I’ve always had an interest in the Hindu concept of Karma. I’ve learned quite a bit more about it(as well as opposing viewpoints & concepts) by reading an array of books. But, before I go further just one more quote that I feel is relevant.
>>>Karma= the Moral Capital. Karma=the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence. Karma=Effect from Cause; from one’s own actions. Karma=Whatever we do with our body, mind, or speech will have a corresponding RESULT.
*Recently I’ve found myself saying that GOD makes no mistakes; no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. Could then some of that “reason” be based on our very thoughts, our actions, and our WORDS? Of course…If one believes that such a things as “karma” exists; then they also believe that nothing happens by accident. From that line of thinking it can stand to reason that; there are cosmic influences at work that determine our lives. Thus good deeds bear sweeeet fruit . Bad deeds bear fruit that is beyond bitter…One has to have an open mind ~N~ think far outside of the box to even begin or want to grasp this concept. Having said all of that what could it hurt to THINK, ACT and SPEAK in a positive manner? Especially when the results of doing so have such potential to yield positive things?!? Don’t we all benefit more from positive light than negative darkness? The words inof themselves@ light and dark have great meaning. Objects are ATTRACTED to light! Like a moth….Objects can not been seen in the dark. Hmmmm. One more quote …
“In simple terms, what does karma mean? It means that whatever we do, with our body, speech, or mind, will have a corresponding result. Each action, even the smallest, is pregnant with its consequences. It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree. And as Buddha said: “Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.” Similarly he said: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.” Karma does not decay like external things, or ever become inoperative. It cannot be destroyed “by time, fire, or water.” Its power will never disappear, until it is ripened.”~Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
~ ~One of my fave sayings IS “IF U can’t talk about it with me ; then I guarantee we’ll never have SEX!” ~Parents should rightfully B discussing SEX with their children LONG before their children have SEX~WHY parents afraid 2 discuss SEX with their children set them UP to feel SEX is dirty for life; when it is NOT~The rule @No glove/No love should RULE these days…>>Those are just a few of the things I feel like talking about …I’ll keep it tasteful BUT with the mindset that SEX is natural N beautiful..Are ya’ll ready for me? Get ready. Get set…Lets rap!
>>”Sex and romance may seem inextricably linked, but the human brain clearly distinguishes between the two, according to a new study. The upshot: Love is the more powerful emotion.
The results of brain scans speak to longstanding questions of whether the pursuit of love and sex are different emotional endeavors or whether romance is just warmed over sexual arousal.
“Our findings show that the brain areas activated when someone looks at a photo of their beloved only partially overlap with the brain regions associated with sexual arousal,” said Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook. “Sex and romantic love involve quite different brain systems.”
The study, announced today, will be detailed in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.<<
**Trying to tackle this topic from several angles so bear with me as I work my way into it..
“~Any feeling is both mental and physical~”
― Deepak Chopra, Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life’s Greatest Challenges
*Although far too many people think the entire importance lies between one’s legs…that simply is NOT true. Sex begins with mental seduction. When the mental seduction is mutual sex turns into making love= Real love. One of the highest of highs @ Orgasm happens between one’s ears..*In the Mind/Brain*..Am I breaking it down or what?? Moving right along so stay tuned<
Since 1992 California public schools have been required by law to teach HIV/AIDS education at least once during middle school and once during high school . To follow a list of guidelines including age appropriate ..BUT what is to determine what any of those guidelines actually mean?? As a parent I was never comfy “not knowing” exactly what was being taught to our sons. And even though I read the literature I requested from the school beforehand I still wasn’t comfy…yet I signed it. I felt the more info our sons had the better..In addition I discovered sex education is NOT required by law to be taught in California public schools. YET 96% of California public schools do provide sex health education classes as an option from grades K- 12..though there are NO guidelines by law until the 7th grade..Which is when I signed the consent forms for our 3 sons to take the course. When my eldest took the course I was still very, very nervous about talking about SEX to him. So I welcomed any and all information or outside sources teaching him sex education. Including my now ex-husband…By the time our youngest was in the 7th grade I was well informed N confident to teach him alot more at home myself as did my now ex-husband..We were pro’s on the topic by then & had added sex education to our very hands-on n N involved parenting style. 10 years prior I’d never have dreamed! that I’d engage or advocate giving a teenager condoms..BUT no one ever promised that parenting would be an easy job. It is by far the most “difficult” job I’ve ever held and yet by FAR the most rewarding & important! Furthermore I advocate allowing an environment in which youth can talk to their parents about ANYthing..and our sons have. (the beauty of having 2 involved parents is if they can’t talk to one about something ; they’ve got another parent to talk to ..awesome arrangement!) I’m not yet a grandparent and all 3 of my sons are alive N healthy..One of my worst parental fears is they’d experience sex and catch something that could kill them! Or become parents before they’d reached their educational goals..Neither of those things have happened. Thanks to my mighty GOD and an outstanding co-parent/male role model. IF you truly love your child talk to them about sex very early on…And if need be give them condoms! Be thankful they could come to talk to you honestly about the topic. Provide condoms even before they do…those just-in-case-the-first-time-comes-before-prepared-with-safety-items has yielded in many teenage pregnancies..In my opinion in this day N age teenage pregnancy rates should NOT be at the high rate they’re at. Condoms are handed out like lollipops now! In California you can get them at alot of clinics for FREE…
*SEX-Positive Liberals advocate that sex BEfore marriage IS a valid choice for “nearly” everyone…or at least for 95% of Americans. Hmmm, who knew? Or , really?!? IS sexual morality truly about how long one waits? Or should it be about how one treats themselves/carries themselves/respects themselves ~N~ the people they’re with.
Question: Are long lasting love relationships made through intimacy? Is teaching the youth abstinence ONLY working out? Or are the youth STILL having sex before marriage? What is the percentage of single adult parents practicing abstinence? What leads to the most stable marriages; feminist values or traditional ones? These are some of the questions I’m going to attempt to tackle. My words/my uncensored thoughts….
>First, here are the proven benefits of SEX..Sex releases STRESS. Boosts immunities. It helps to keep one’s heart healthy. Helps you sleep. Lowers blood pressure rates. Burns a ton of calories and is a GREAT form of exercise. Boosts self esteem. Boosts endorphins. (including aids with PMS) Makes prostrate cancer less likely(yep, google it if you don’t believe me..) Youthful glow. Lighter menstrual periods with less cramps. Cures world hunger. (Just kidding! ) Now for where I stand regarding abstinence prior to marriage or between marriages..The Moral Case 4 Abstinence Before Marriage VS. The Moral Case 4 Sex Before Marriage…>>Here is the QUESTION of a LIFEtime that begs to be answered=
>>IS MONOGAMY A REALISTIC RELATIONSHIP GOAL? IS IT NATURAL TO BE MONOGAMOUS? IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAINTAIN MONOGAMY IN A LONG-TERM LOVE RELATIONSHIP?!?
**In conclusion my bottom line is as follows: Teaching abstinence-only to today’s youth is NOT working. Exclamation point. PERIOD. As someone very dear to me & my co-parenting partner taught me years ago WE as parents must deal with reality and NOT our own fairy tale sugar coated versions of reality …and especially preaching to our youth B-sISH that WE didn’t even practice in our youth! Yep, I was one of those parents that wanted to only teach abstinence until marriage. However, IF as parents we don’t teach children ALL options and realities; then we aren’t giving them the information/insight/ammunition they’ll need for all given situations. And as a parent that just isn’t responsible…not in my opinion. For those parents that want to teach this one-method type of way. Have at it! Your children, your right to teach them whatever you please..just don’t come crying to me or anyone else when your child winds UP with an early pregnancy they’re UNprepared for(and not mature enough for) Or worse! stricken with an STD that can take their very lives. This is our reality and it IS what it IS. On a moral level? Of course the ideal criteria is to wait to have SEX until married to someone one is IN LOVE with. And yep, as parents one often has to preach/teach things that wasn’t followed by self..Because we are to teach what is right! But for some of us less than perfect people(got my hand help UP high) teaching sons from a stance of “learn from my mistakes” kind-of-way is working just fine…
**Maybe folks had the right line of thinking backintheday…the 60s Flower Children era. Didn’t it seem(or least from pictures I’ve seen…) that everyone was soooo FREE back then? Live N let live! Make love , not WAR. Peace signs were posted all over the place. Folks singing “What the World Needs Now, is LOVE sweeeeet LOVE…Right? So, what happened to change that mindset? What really happened that veeered the sexual morality views in our country to be what they are in the here and NOW? Here is the way I see IT..
Way back in the 60s least majority of Americans were HONEST about how they felt SEX..Now? We’ve become a society of “closet” sex-lovers. And only GOD knows what truly goes on behind people’s closed doors..Truth is sex is a beautiful act that was created not just 2 populate but also as the BEST natural anti-depressant. Mayhaps IF more folks were having SEX ..there would be NO need 4 all of the drugs being taken to alter moods out there. Depression has become a very serious issue in our country.(another deep topic for another time..) Pharmaceutical companies globally are worth an estimated $300 BILLION ..Omg & WOW.
In an ideal world /situation, youth, it is BEST to wait until marriage to share all of the beauty that sex was created for..Some might ask , “What if I’ve decided I don’t want to get married or have children?” Excellent question! Which is one of the reasons why the “wait for marriage theory” isn’t always a good message to preach. Except from a parental viewpoint….I feel the best way to inform the youth(or anyone..) about a topic; give them all sides. The good, the bad, & the ugly. The whole truth. Which is what I’ve tried 2 do from my perspective in my words here. I don’t believe sexual morality is about how long one waits to have sex..It is moreso about the level of respect a person has for themselves & others. How they carry themselves overall..Youth need to be aware of the dangers of sex and its consequences(which can be lifelong) In the same manner we teach youth the dangers & safety tips on how to drive a car; the same should be done in how we teach them about SEX. When we teach abstinence-only the youth are tuning us OUT..The statistics of the amount of youth having sex makes that evident. My sincere belief? I don’t feel that long-lasting love relationships are established when SEX is introduced early. In rare cases, yes. But overall in my heart of hearts I don’t think so. Yet, I do believe that long-term love relationships are for sure enhanced by sex N without a doubt can’t survive without IT..or least in my world !
Monogamy. Who in their right mind created that?!? Must not have been someone who truly enjoyed good sex…However, having expressed that, I do feel monogamy is the BEST type of long-term love relationship. And it is the only type of relationship for me..I do not feel it is a “natural” state of being though. We’re hormonal creatures by nature. Some of us moreso than others..(hand held UP high) Men are biologically created & driven! 2 have and 2 want SEX..Lest women ever, ever forget that. (and I think sometimes we do…) So given those 2 facts alone makes it highly difficult to maintain a monogamous relationship. BUT the best things in this life aren’t easily attained nor kept. It IS worth it..True love is worth it. Maintaining the sacredness of a marriage is worth it. And it just feeeeeels right 2 know one’s love partner/mate/spouse/lover; is saving ALL of their special loving for YOU. It causes such a euphoric feeling that there is NO substitute for. Exclamation mark. Period . I’m ending on that note yall. As always stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)
**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.
**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..
**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?” N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus, his reply is NO. I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one of the biggest mistakes WE as women do/or can make. From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that he is NOT the one. RUN.
**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…
**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”
**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.
For the most part last year I winged IT! Luckily , for me the year ended up being a pretty progressive one..One in which I had a loose plan set for myself. But had I strategically planned from the onset of 2012..the year for me would’ve been even more progressive N productive. So, since I can’t rewind time what I can DO is make a plan for this year NOW. I’m trying a totally new concept. A concept to help me better focus on my goals N streamline my efforts. A plan for goal-getting instead of goal-setting. To test this concept one has to choose words that encompass their entire plan. I want to begin to finally! practice brevity this year..so I’m choosing only 4 words. Or going to attempt to. Here are my 4(four) words for this concept of goal-getting for me in..2013.
1. SLEEP= I’ve GOT to focus on getting more sleep. I sleep well..very much so. Deeply. And I’m asleep almost literally before my head hits the pillow! However, when I finally sit still..its all she wrote! Mayhaps because my active regime + the energy amping glowing green smoothie= turbo speed so much that it isn’t allowing me to want to sleep. Bottom line is though it isn’t healthy to be sleep deprived. And being that I’m growing more health conscious by the day; its time to practice it in all ways. #1 word for me in 2013 is overwhelmingly ..sleep.
2. LOVE=There is a ton of love in my life/my world/my heart/my being. The type of love I’m referring to right now is regarding a love life. I have none right now! Not only that I’m going to have 2 make time for one(& start at least dating) …I’ve been busy! And have even more I’ve got on my 2do list for 2013. I was recently told though that sometimes being too busy isn’t setting the stage for my “the one” to find me. So since I’ve self professed this year as the one I’ll allow myself to finally fall IN love again; I’m making it a priority. Thus it earns the #2 spot on my words for 2013.
3. EDUCATION=This is a close runner UP for the #2 spot on my list. I’d planned on heading back 2 college in 2013 midway into 2012. I’m on schedule to do just that. School selected. Field selected. Enrolled. All I’m waiting on now is the start of the semester.
4. COLLABORATE=I’ve got alot I want 2 accomplish. Alot of ideas…Some I can attain by myself. Some I’ll need to find & select people who can help to accomplish. (and finish creating the format) With proper networking, which I’ve already begun to work on here, this should fall into place soon.
**So those are my 4 words to assist me in reaching my goals/resolutions I set for 2013. Sleep*Love*Education*Collaborate. Anyone out there want to share what yours are? Lets rap…
I saw this prompt on WordPress this morning N could hardly believe my eyes! A chance to write, solicited, about my journey of Faith. A journey which spans an entire lifetime, mine, N a myriad of phases. From wannaBbeliever/attending Mass all the while over the years, yet not feeeeeeeling IT/starting 2 grasp IT/seeking 2 fully believe/Believer in every bone of my body and HUNGRY to learn more N more. Going to take a few moments to gather my thoughts so that my keystrokes can relay what I’d like to share. ^2 B Continued Soon^
Where do I begin a topic such as Faith? A topic that has become so very personal 2 me that I’m excited just being about 2 write about IT. Saying that, keystroking it rather, still amazes me because a mere 5 years ago I’d not have felt such excitement over the topic of Faith. I was IN a different time N space then. A different mindset. And yet, I’ve been LED to right where I am now. The here N now. Present in the moment N oh! so content , pleased, HAPPY, to B in this moment. Any1 who has known me for a decent length of time knows that is a miracle inofitself…
I can not promise this will B a post of brevity. But I can promise it will B sincere N hope it is received as such. Never do I profess to be an expert in anything..though I’m experienced in ALOT ..I possess a PHD in life. From extreme moments of joy 2 being down in valleys so deeeeeep I didn’t think I’d make it out..alive. Real talk. There once was a time I didn’t think I’d live to see 50 yrs of age. There once was a time I did NOT want to live to see the age of 50 yrs of age. There once was a time my own actions /feelings were indicative that I didn’t like myself very much. And yet by my outward appearance people thought I loved ME. But on the inside I was lost…a part of my inner being was murdered when I was a teen. An action that even my own Daddy couldn’t *stop* from happening to ME..and yet here I stand on the brink of making IT to 50 yrs of age. I am in AWE of that and that is tough! to express to people. So I no longer try…I just AM . Trying to live UP to my GOD given purpose. Far from that goal yet I’m so very , very much closer than I ever have been in my life. And you know what? I just feeeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOD about 99% of the time! Real talk. Alive, vibrant, and leaping out of bed each day @O’dark thirty hours eager! to start each new day. I say all of this to attempt to express to ya’ll how very GOOD that my GOD is allll the time. I’d not have wasted these keystrokes to say such personal things if not trying to show you just how FAR my GOD has brought ME..through things I didn’t think I’d ever make it through. Once something I yearned to believe IN(because those I loved dearly@my parents believed so strongly…) and now? I believe so strongly that at times the feeling of goodness feeeeeels so good I get overwhelmed. Ever felt something that good? So good it scared you? And yet even that scared feeling of butterflies about to burst out of your tummy felt good?!? That is how I feel most of the time now…I can’t properly describe it any other way.
After experiencing a very unexpected spiritual awakening in a state I’d lived in & loved! since 1989..I found MYself led, guided, to move cross country. 2 beginning anew. At 48 yrs of age…I was simply put, terrified to do that! Yet everything happening was urging me/gently pushing me towards making such a bold move. I was afraid to do it. I was afraid not to do it. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll as it still 2 this day makes 2 me. Shortly after relocating cross country I was fortunate enough to attend my very 1st(but certainly not my last..) National Black Catholic Conference in Indianapolis with my parents & new church friends. AND MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED. Over a period of 4 days I for the 1st time in my life felt I belonged NOT just to the religion I’d been a part of since birth..but I began to feel remarkably different. I began to see things differently. I began to say things differently. It happened so suddenly! I had begun to believe in GOD fully and almost overnight. Not forced nor reaching to believe as I had my entire 40 some odd years…Bam! I believed. My life, the years past of my life/events of my life/people who had entered my life/circumstances that happened in my life/…began to rewind in my mind. Over days N days..as IF someone was playing a movie of MY life. I couldn’t STOP it..seriously thought I was losing my dang mind. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not even my Mom. Sounded far too crazy to try to explain..or did IT?
My entire outlook on things changed..Instead of feeling sorry for MYself about things I’d left behind..Stead of lamenting about people /loved ones! I couldn’t see daily(that I missed as if it were the AIR I had to breathe..) I threw myself head 1st into becoming the type of person I so admired. I began to WORK on tweaking/changing every facet of myself that I did not care for. Tough job to do at almost 50 yrs of age…I didn’t consult anyone. But I began to PRAY for guidance. I simply had a chat with GOD N asked him to please let me seeeeee the me that everyone else loves! Let me begin to love…ME. Heal me from things that happened long ago that were NOT within my control. Allow me to learn to lose the tight, oh so tight! control, I have held over my heart. Let me live life to the potential I know you’ve plotted out for me since before my conception. And then! I realized I was talking to GOD..and I fully believed he was hearing me. Just so happened the exact way I just wrote it. I became a full believer without the least amount of effort. A process of things over a lifetime brought me..here. So I’ve decided that it must’ve ALL been a part of HIS plan. That had my life happened any other way I simply wouldn’t have gotten IT. Once I was so very blind; but now I see EVERYthing so clearly. I kid you not. N I’m as serious as I’ve ever been about anything.
Now? I’m like a sponge. I am on a personal pilgrimage..Still journeying to get closer to my GOD. So much I’ve yet to learn . I don’t confess to have Bible scriptures memorized. Nor do I profess to be a perfect Christian. I am NOT a perfect anything. I am just me..the one and only creation of what my God created me to B. I don’t even long to be perfect! I think that would make me boring as heck…What am I? I am perfectly imperfect.
I’ll leave ya’ll with this final thought. Fear not if you don’t yet believe 100%…just wanting to believe is a start! WE are ALL loved children of GOD..whether we believe or not. This is what I feel. This is what I’ve come to know. And if we just stop trying to follow our OWN will N let HIS will for us B and go with the flow when we are LED by him…life gets SO much easier! I stress and worry so much less than I used 2..that is yet another miracle! inofitself. Not saying I don’t still worry about things; but its FAR less than I used to. Progress…for Rome wasn’t built in a day. And it is ridiculous to think anything, including a person, especially one almost 50 lol! would change totally overnight…but I’m getting closer. I am WISER. I am STRONGER. I am SO much better than I used 2 B. Can’t ask for much more than that. And? If it can happen to me, and I can assure you my words R true, it can/WILL happen to anyone. You if you want it 2. All you have to do is ..BELIEVE. Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count each and every one of your blessings 2day N every day. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
From now till the New Year comes in I figure we might as well have some fun with our list of New Year resolutions..Yep, most of us have them! But the question IS will YOU keep your promises to yourself? Hmmmm I’ve got to admit 2012 was one of the very 1st years I kept every single resolution/self vow/& goal I made for myself for the year. And kicking off the list for 2013’s New Year resolutions for me IS..staying FIT. Be back shortly to have fun with this topic…
Alright going to have to complete this topic in increments..doing alot on this end due to holiday prep..BUT I promise 2 things. I’ll finish this segment AND hopefully can give ya’ll some good TIPS on how to begin & more importantly KEEP a good fitness routine UP..Cause any of us can “say” we’re going to get fit, right? But with oh so busy schedules of holding down an 8-5 M-F, plus church activities, other random projects ..i.e..extra work projects , reading, socializing, writing!, family time, gardening, chores, routine dr. appts, ..I’ve found I had to MAKE time to exercise and eat right…but if I can do it, which I can assure you I did..anyone can do IT. I worked hard this entire year to “tweak” my physical being..from the inside out. (and mind you I wasn’t overweight when I began…) With 50 yrs of age rushing upon me I decided I am/will B the best dang(translation dayum!) >50< I can possibly B. From head 2 toe. Inside N Out. I took it one day at a time, without any direction from anyone else..just winged IT. Final result? Well, I lost so much weight so quickly my pants were literally falling off me! Real talk (thankfully my GodMom can sew awesomely well and tailored my clothes for me, whew!..bummer about losing weight is the high cost of clothes replacement) Loving what I see in the mirror N just as important I feeeeel great. Probably better than I did in my 20s. Now I’m just trying to maintain the size I am because if I lose 1 more inch or pound I’ll loooook anorexic..and that isn’t cool, nor healthy, N is not the look I want. So lets see if I can break this down for ya’ll soon as I come back I’m going to dive INto this topic. Oh, the pressure LOL . Had special requests for this topic so hope I can deliver..
First things first! And , in my opinion, and from my experience first STEP in doing anything..is deciding one wants to do something. Mentally picturing the final result. And figuring out what it takes 2 get..there. Then exerting extreme will power and DISCIPLINE to attain that end result. That is what I did 2 go from being “just in shape” to being totally fit. My doctor has co-signed on that by the way..I’ve no health issues nor health concerns. Just had full lab work to confirm . No meds nor need for meds. For anything. What I do take, as I have for the past 35 yrs. is a multivitamin a day. A really good one for women 50 yrs & UP..I also take a probiotic packet every day(which I began taking almost 6 months ago when I began drinking a raw veggie smoothie. ) I also take a all natural Ginseng capsule every day(which I’ve done for 20 yrs) I also take a fish oil capsule every single day. Also I gave UP my love of Diet Pepsi a few years back.(now I drink no carbonated drinks at all) I drink ALOT and I mean alot of water. Gave up drinking alcohol socially about 10 years back. Desire of mine to be healthy from the inside out is very strong…
First, I started walking. Alot! I was new to the state N didn’t yet have friends here so I began walking by myself..Fast walking almost the pace of a light jog. During very hot months I was walking at O’dark thirty hours. Sometimes on weekends while it was still hot outside I’d walk the full length of the mall. I still do alot of walking during my work lunch breaks at the mall, alot! The great thing as the added bonus is I love window shopping N shopping ..So anyways what needs to be remembered is walking is a fantastic way to drop pounds! Add scenery to the walk and fave music on your Iphone/Ipod(I don’t walk without my tunes..) and you can add the miles up quickly. What also counts is every , single step one takes during the day..so its good to remember that while at work in an office environment to add walking/climbing steps(when possible). Instead of clicking to email coworkers; try getting UP to walk to deliver the message from timetotime. Long prolonged periods of sitting make ones’ fanny spread! And again, each step one takes during the day adds UP ..After months of walking last year and amping my pace UP..I began to jog. Now I’m up to a full run for short distances and alternate with fast jog in between.
Next, figure out what type of exercise routine you want to take on…I started off slowly. I knew I needed to add to my walking routine; so I began with morning situps, squats, dumbbell arm workouts…Was important to me to get my arms firm/toned/slight muscle definition again. Got it now! But it took consistent working out and slowly adding more to my routine. I’m up early in the mornings so its the best time of the day for me to do most of my exercise routine. Total morning work out time is about an hour. Now though I’ve also added a mini work out in the evenings..I’m working on defining different parts of my body now and I do a section every other night. All it takes is about 20 mins every evening. My suggestion to anyone starting fresh with exercise is FIRST check with your Doc. Don’t do anything new without first doing that…then slowly add little by little to your routine. As you see results it will get SO goood to you it will motivate you to..continue. Or least it did with me. Motivation is key in my opinion. And also always keep in the background of your mind what you want your end result to loooook like…that will keep driving you and driving you.
Next, out of the blue the introduction of a raw veggie drink called, The Glowing Green Smoothie, entered my life! And all I can say about the results is WOW. And WOW one ‘mo time. See a full description and explanation in the post I did couple nights ago called ‘Berna’s Book Reviews’..the book the recipe for the smoothie comes from is called ‘The Beauty Detox Solution’ N I’m living proof it works IF you work it. It is a drink I’ll make & drink for the rest of my life. Energy level is amped way UP..I feeeeel as if I could climb tall mountains! (and I was already a naturally hyper person so can you imagine after this veggie smoothie??? OMG..energy galore) My oily acne prone skin(which I’ve had my entire life) is absolutely GLOWING. I can’t think of another word for it..so muchso that there are times I don’t wear make UP because I don’t want to cover my skin up. Yep, this smoothie and its results has been that gooooood 2 me and for me. Imagine every day getting an instant shot of about a cazillion vitamins???? That is the best way I can describe being on this smoothie for the past 6 months…
The bottom line is for all of us eating well & exercising should rightfully B a part of our daily routine. Earlier we implement such a plan, and stick 2 it!, it becomes so routine that it doesn’t seem like alot of things to recall or DO. It isn’t about being on diet after diet after diet(which btw has an awful impact on a womans’ body..) in my opinion we have to learn to make eating right/exercising daily a part of our lifestyle. IF we can do that it won’t be something that we have to add to our list of New Years resolutions year after year after year! Lets hope from this day forth that our resolutions from here on out will B to…stay FIT/maintain our fitness/and strive to consistently improve on a great foundation. Ready? Get set…GO
NOT going 2 give any teasers , clues or hints with this 1..You’ll just have 2 wait 2 see what is on my mind ..Stay tuned because it only gets better from here.. *HOT TOPIC COMING SOON..It is O’dark thirty Saturday morn N I can’t resist the urge 2..write..
>>”**The most beautiful people we know are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deeeeep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen…** Quote from Elizabeth Kubler Ross>>
I ran across the above quote somewhere I was reading (I read everything & anything..) a few months back and found it SO deeeeep I had to keep it/save it/reflect on it..I’ll get back 2 it but for now lets move on. Deep alert though because I can feel it coming.
About a month or so ago I had the opportunity to hear an OUTstanding motivational speaker! Petite in stature N yet her words resonated in a HUGE way. As I sat there in an audience of my coworkers I kept loooooking around wondering IF her words/her message! was hitting H*O*M*E with any1 else as it was with ME..Ever wonder things like that??? Mayhaps that is just part of me being me, lol! Here I was sitting there, totally captivated by her words..and yet wondering am I the ONLY one getting this? Let me explain a little what her presentation was about and why..
Her presentation was simply about IMAGE. It was about our company desiring/commanding that it(including its employees) to BE exactly what the company is. In every possible way. The company I am OVERjoyed (have I said for the upteenth time I loveeeeeee my job?!?) to be a part of wants to reflect a mark of excellence. The company I work for wants its’ mission statement to resound loudly/smoothly via its employees dress/behavior 24 hrs a day/and of course in their job performance. Enough so they hired a motivational speaker to come speak to ALL of us. Wow..who wouldn’t want to work for a company that is willing to do that?! I’ve got my hand held UP high..but anywayz trying to STOP from digressing. So there I was one person sitting at the very, very back of the large room as this speaker was giving her oral & powerpoint show. And somewhere near the middle of her presentation it hit me. Ephipany! For all of my life but especially the past 15 months that IS what I’ve been doing..hoping that my words/actions reflect the love & light that I feeeeeel inside. For those that might not be following I’ve flipped the script to translate to SELF image.
Do others see YOU as you wish to be viewed by others? Are YOU actually the type of person you desire to BE? Do your words/actions reflect 2 others what YOU wish? Do YOU assume others see you as you wish; or have YOU asked them if you do? Hmmmmm let me dig a little deeper if I may..Do YOU care if others feel what the intent of your words are ? (N for the record I’ve always asked MYself all these same questions & nope I don’t answer myself LOL..thank you GOD for letting me have majority of my marbles still at almost, 50) Isn’t it important to reflect in words/actions/what we WEAR to the outside world? Before I go any further all of these questions are highly important to me. Totally in every , single way imaginable. Period.
For instance: IF you see someone dressed in firemans’ outfit; wouldn’t you expect them to come running if you yell out FIRE! On the flip side of that coin..if you see someone dressed in flip-flops, a bikini, and a beach ball ; wouldn’t you expect them to be heading to the beach? So, on a professional front should not our dress reflect a business savvy look? I mean is that NOT just something that need-not-even-be-expressed-to-folks-that-are-working-in-an-office-setting?!? And YET these dayz we must have very detailed dress codes. My question is WHY???? Because as I expressed at the very presentation I mentioned above EVERY single day I walk out of my home door I know I first represent my family..and not just MYself. Which means when YOU or anyone else views me physically I’m representing:my parents/my sons/my deceased grandparents/all of my deceased ancestors/all of my living relatives/MYself. That is how I look at myself every morning I wake up and depart to where ever I’m headed..Even if I go to the grocery store I’m NOT going out in furry, floppy house slippers and a shower cap. I mean , really?? I’ve seeeeen that. OMG. I bet their ancestors are doing flip-flops in their graves…Certainly folks weren’t taught this style of dress. Or were they? Know where I think it all goes back to? SELF ESTEEM. Which is why , in my hearts of hearts, I still think it is highly, and I mean highly!, important that children in their “primary years” are LOVED/taught&showed that they’re special/encouraged!/and R stroked emotionally in positive ways. There is NO substitute for that…and it is something that will impact that child 4 ever 4 their entire life. For as much as I believe in a persons’ right to express themselves as they please(and I do believe in that…) there is a time N place for some of certain types of self-expression. Right? I might feeeeel like expressing myself by BEing in the most natural state. Naked. But can I go to work like that? I think not! Well not if I want to be employed…
Moving right along..What are WE reflecting in our words/actions/dress 2 our children? Hmmmm…for those that feel it is alright to self-express themselves dressed inappropriately! do they not realize their children are WATCHING & LEARNING from them? For any1 that has been a parent for a longggg arse time(and I qualify my eldest is 30 yrs of age…WOW) knows that children learn MORE from what we do; than from what we say. Just IS the way it ’tis..So , for instance. I’ll use me as an example. Don’t I qualify as a hypocrit if I tell my sons do NOT text and drive N yet they catch me doing IT? I stand guilty as charged..I’m queen of texts! I am physically having to break myself from the addiction of texting while driving. I used to have that bad..very. Caught myself several times with my head down when I was still in Cali..texting! That is not just UNcool it is not smart nor is it responsible! We can take that example and insert it into the space available________for a host of things I’m sure of it. But what we can DO is change the negative things. BEginning 2day…but first one has to first admit they can improve. I believeeeeee that is the case with any1 N anything. I have a host of simply outstanding loved ones and friends..and yet NONE of them are perfect. I for sure KNOW I am not perfect(and personally I think if I was I’d be boring but thats another topic for another time…)
Bottom line IS if it matters 2 YOU that you reflect to others what you perceive YOURself as..work on it! Daily. I can personally attest to the fact that it IS possible. I’ve come to the realization that I am not changing who I am(I don’t want to do that) but at almost 50 I am working ON smoooooothing out the rough edges. I’m my own worst critic; always have been. My Daddy has told me that for years & years & years! Toooook all those years for me to realize he was right. Lolll lawd. Now that I’m no longer my own worst enemy (I’m now my own very, very BESTest friend..) I work diligently and consistently on moi. I’m also open to positive criticism from my loved ones/extended family of friends..I’m sensitive! though and they know to give it to me with a spoooonful of sugar. All except for my Daddy. LOL . We all have those people we know are going to be straight-shooters in our lives. Don’t you? Well I do and its my beloved Daddy. When I want to know the down & dirty answer/black with NO sugar/on-the-rocks answer to something; my Daddy is my go-to person. Hands down..I loveeeee that I have that! And that it is someone who loves ME and would kill a rock over me. Yep, he has told me that since I was a very little girl…
I feel if we work on our self image in a positive manner IT can impact every aspect of our lives! Can impact our children. Who we attract as spouses/significant others. The type of job we can land by how we interview & conduct ourselves on the work front. Who we attract as friends…But most important(nope , I can’t leave this out) IF we call ourselves Christians..should we NOT try with-all-our-might to mirror the love & light of our creator???? At the beginning and end of each day that is honestly what I *now* think about when I think of who I am/what I reflect/the words that come out of my mouth/my actions. Real talk…I’m going to leave ya’ll with that as my last expressed thought in this write. As always I hope/pray my “words” have had a positive impact on you in some small way. Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n ONLY)
Any1 who knows/loves me knows I make the BIG 5*0 this coming July 4th..Yep, firecracker for sure out the gate. N though I’m not yet quite 50 yrs old I’m ready 2 talk about the anticipation of making IT. Almost there should qualify me as able to speak on it or least thats the way I see IT. Another 1 to stay tuned for N it will be well worth the wait..~Coming Soon but not soon enough..~Alright I’m back! N going to let the words/my vibe flow..
Listening to Quincy Jones Ultimate Collection & for younger folks reading this that translates to REAL MUSIC..Hope ya’ll go retro sometimes with your music selections 2 truly enjoy how gooood music used to be. But anywayz onto the topic at hand. I’m going to try to properly express why I (a) HATE when I hear the term@50 is the new 40s or even 30s(what the heck?) (b) why knocking on 50 yrs of age doesn’t suck.
WHY is it that people simply can’t enjoy the NOW? As IF being in the “right here N now” is a bad thing! Oh, but how I’ve personally evolved(and am still evolving..) since my 20s. Lawd only knows! (as do my parents /loved ones/including 2 friends who have known me for 20 plus years) For I cried, literally, the entire day of my 29th birthday. As If somehow that was going to stop me from turning 30. I felt such a sense of loss leaving my 20s behind…and yet now? I wonder with awe how I could’ve been so terribly naive and afraid of aging. Now? I’m doing my very DA*Mdest to age with grace…gently gliding into the next phase of my life journey. 50! An entire 5 decades older. Half a century…WOW. When I was in my teens 30 was OLD. When I was in my 20s 40 was OLD. Now that I’m on the very doorstep of 50..it just IS. Its not OLD. Its not over-the-hill either(hate that phrase too!) It simply just IS the next phase I’m moving onto. The things that I cherish now are the very same things I took for granted in my 20s..I’m more appreciative of simple things now. Like the mere fact BOTH of my parents are alive N well. I am STILL 2 this day learning from my parents(take note of that younger folks…) As independent-mode-minded as I went crashing out into the outside world from home at almost 20 yrs of age..I! never would’ve thought 1 day I’d stilllll be learning from my parents at dang near 50. Soaking UP their wisdom/experience like one would sopp up gravy with a biscuit(don’t ya’ll do that?? I do…) I’m guessing 1 of the benefits of making it to 50 is learning that one NEVER stops learning. Once-upon-a-time I was naive enough(the audacity of being youthful/young!) to think I knew it ALL. Pfft. Still 2 this day I don’t know it all; and thank God(& my lucky stars) I finally came to that realization.
50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. Period. N yep, big ole exclamation mark. The beauty of making it to 50 is finally feeeeeling the freeeedom to say what I truly feel. Still try to say it with RESPECT(for thats part of my nature..) however, there was a time I was such a people-pleaser(still am in alot of ways) that I’d worry about how they’d feeeel if I said what was really on my mind. NOT anymore. Now? If you don’t want 2 know my true opinion please do NOT ask me a question. An outstanding brother & lifetime friend of mine once taught me”Never ask a question that you don’t want the answer to” Hmmm lets think about that for a minute. WHY do people ask questions yet their hair is blown back when we answer HONESTLY? Don’t they really want to know our thoughts when they ask us a question? Most times I’ve found folks really don’t…But thats their problem; not the person they ask the question of. Or least thats the way I see it now. Personally I’ve learned in my almost 50(yep FIFTY) years is I learn SO much when I ask questions N usually I ask them of people who can give me a sound/experienced answer. I’m thirsty for knowledge still at this age! Its almost as if I’ve reverted back to the primary years in the amount of “stuff” that I am soaking up. From every angle, direction, resource..including from other folks behavior/actions/words. IF there is anything “new” about turning 50 for me it is that . In my 20s & 30s I thought I knew it all so I could’ve honestly cared less to seeeeek others out for knowledge. I felt I was getting that from books..(I’m a lifelong avid reader) How much I thought I knew and in reality knew so little..
Again, 50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. And inofitself that is a beautiful thing! Personally? As fit as I was in my 20s & 30s I feeeeeel better physically NOW then I have in my entire life. And thats a mouthful folks…I might not be able to climb tall mountains; but I dang sure feel like I can! I didn’t reach my peak like some people do in their 40s..I am there right NOW. N I’ve not even reached the top of the wave yet..In surfer-dude terms I’m riding the waveeeeee. And I am attempting to DO all I said I was going to do waybackinmy20s. Finally! 2 be able 2 have finally arrived at that point, this phase, is for me “almost” too overwhelming to even try to describe in words. It IS that good 2 me. I could give some advice now to the younger folks reading this. I could try to explain what they’ve got to loooook forward 2 at 50 yrs of age. But honestly? I feel everyone’s experience is different. As different as we are as individuals so are our life experiences. And how we perceive our life experiences..I will say this. 2 anyone reading this but especially those generations behind me. ENJOY every moment of your life! Realize early on that every single, day! is a gift to YOU from GOD. Don’t take it for granted even though in our youth taking things for granted IS what alot of us do…including me. Listen!/learn/respect your parents always…their love/support will sustain you for LIFE. Remember as you become parents that parenthood is a LIFElong committment. It never ends…And take ALOT of pictures of your children when you bear children..for they’ll grow faster than you want them to. GET your education so that you’ll be armed to support yourself and your dreams. Surround yourself always with people you admire/respect/have good morals/make sound judgements. Walk away from people who yearn to pull you down or away from your goals. Gain an early knowledge/regard/honor to the Father that created YOU. And sustain that relationship throughout your entire life. It is the ONE relationship in your life you can’t do without..N last but not least LOVE,LOVE,LOVE and LOVE hard and deeeeply! Starting with YOURself..for love is the true meaning/basis of what life on this earth is about. Or least that is my most sincere and heartfelt feelings on that matter..
Finally 50 is 50. Its a beginning of a different phase of life for me. A phase I’m very cognizant of N that I look 4ward to with the energy N joy of a small child on CHRISTmas morning! If there is anything new about turning 50 it is my new appreciation of every facet of life. I’m looking back alot less these dayz. Looking backwards will cause one to fall down N I’ve no intention of doing anything except standing firmly and moving ONward and UPward. I’ve yet 2 reach the max of my God given purpose. I’m far from finished..When I do reflect on the past 5 decades I reflect on the beautiful memories! The THREE beautiful, Black, young , gifted, intelligent, artistic, brothers I helped to create & co raise. My Black Princes for life…I reflect alot on their smiling childish faces, their 1st steps!, their 1st haircut, teaching them how 2 drive, studying with them till wee hours of the morning hours, watching them play an array of sports, attending PTA meetings for their success/joining school boards for their success/watching them play in bands/watching them accept honor roll awards yr after yr after yr/experiencing their mishaps WITH them/listening to their 1st love stories/driving them 2 their 1st college and having to leave them there..OMG that was tough for me../watching them with PRIDE graduate from high school and college after college after college..progress!..50 is 50 for a reason. To begin anew & fresh and leave the bad memories behind. Finally! To take all the lessons we learned from our mis-steps and realize God 4gives all mistakes and actually doesn’t call them mistakes. I think he calls them…LIFE. I can’t speak for anyone else that is 50 but for me I’m living my dreams N loving my life. Every single minute of it…I wish I could bottle this feeling UP and give it to others. I can’t. But I can share of me with my words…and I hope my words have made someone else’s day a little bit better . Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Acts of kindness..Thoughtful acts done for strangers ..Anonymous gifts 2 those in need..Gifts given 2 friends in need that won’t ask for it ..I recently did something for someone and felt really good about it! Something they thanked me for profusely when I told them their wish had been granted..It wasn’t even something that took me great effort other than 2 ask a favor of someone else I hold in great regard/respect..Then just now I saw something on the news, a good story for once!, about a policeman who bought a pair of boots & gave them to a homeless person in need(someone he ran across often & knew needed boots) Brought on this line of thought…
Do NOT think before acting on thoughts you have of spreading gooooodNESS..just go with the flow. For often we can talk ourselves out of doing such things! So when you see a homeless person with a sign that says need money, do NOT think or worry they’re running scam, just GIVE what you can! For who knows you just might be providing them with the only meal they’ll eat that day. When you physically see/hear of someone you know/love that is in need of something, do NOT think it out, just GIVE what you can! When you have an opportunity to help someone at work by doing a little extra, do NOT think, just GIVE of your extra time to help them out! When it comes time to donate time/money for families in need(Thanksgiving/Christmas or any time) do NOT think, just GIVE freely of your time and what you can monetarily! The list could go on N on but the point has been made…Do NOT give expecting a thank you or reward; give freely from your heart. It comes so naturally from mine I don’t even stop to think nor can I resist the urge to give…It has been said(another old priceless adage..) that when one gives freely they receive back TEN fold. I can hold my hand UP high as a testament that that is very true…I’ve been blessed and I am blessed.
I do hope that sharing this flow of thoughts moves some1, anyone!, out there 2 give freely to someone in need. Just knowing that my words could possibly make that happen gives me great JOY. Have a wonderful , blessed day full of love N laughter..4ever Sincere the 1 N only, Berna
First & foremost sending out sincere wishes 2 my family/mi familia/coworkers/friends/extended family of friends a beautiful, loving, relaxing, fun, & BLESSED Thanksgiving! Woke UP as usual @ O’dark thirty(a Bernaism ..) feeling full of energy, excited, and eager to start the day..As I’ve stated before each N every day has become for me a totally new adventure..I feel like I’m a child on Christmas morning and leap! out the bed ready to run down the stairs to unwrap presents..Remember those days ya’ll? Blessed I am with an excellent memory I can still remember that FAR back…I feel compelled to share what I’m about to say for 2 reasons: 1. To give thanks to my God , again, in a public forum thereby adding to the sincerity of my gratitude 2. To hopefully encourage someone else to STOP for a moment and count their blessings as well.
The truly ironic thing about this is that just a mere 4 years ago..I’d not have stopped to count my blessings nor even recognized my blessings. Which in-of-itself means you can at this very moment begin to “change” so that you can also “see” your blessings N give thanks. What better day to begin than on this day of Thanksgiving? Anywayz fast forwarding to the message I’d like to share..a very BIG blessing that recently happened in my life. I tell ya’ll when God’s hand is IN a situation in our lives he does things in a BIG way. And it is my belief that we/one must acknowledge/give God his props/and be N act thankful. Period. Exclamation point.
About 3.5 months ago I was BLESSED with a JOB that I not only love..but I’ll go as far as to say it is the BEST career opportunity I’ve ever had. Hands down..and I’ve held/had some really good jobs ya’ll. But this one stands at the #1 spot. Many of ya’ll out there know people who actually LOVE what they do from 8 -5?? If a poll was taken right now how many would hold their hand UP? I’m not talking about just loving the salary/benefits. I’m not talking about just loving working in a beautiful environment. Nor am I talking about loving vibing with or working well with coworkers. What I’m talking about is LOVING every single aspect of what one does as a means of self-support for 40 hours a week. What I honestly love the most about my job is knowing without a shred of doubt that what I “do” every day at work..is helping to improve clients lives in a positive/progressive manner. I never even knew how much that meant to me..until I was BLESSED ..with this position. And the ironic part about it all? I knew nothing of the position when I applied online. Nor did my church sister who mentioned to me I might want to check out the organization’s website for “possible” openings. So I did. And on the very same day I went online at approx 2 pm…the position was closing at 5 pm! Wowww. So anywayz I submitted my resume & filled out the online application. For a position I knew nothing about! Real talk folks…For an organization I “thought” I knew what it stood for(I’ve since learned it stands for FAR more than I knew prior) Fast forwarding…out of alot of applicants there was a final top 3. I was the runner UP out of the 3. Now I never aspire to be anything but number ONE..but this time it paid off for me being #2. For reasons unbeknownst(not a Bernasim but love being able to use this word!) to me after being chosen. And after showing interest in being chosen. #1 choice all of a sudden poof! just didn’t come through. WOW. After I’d been told I didn’t have the position all of a sudden I was called and asked if I’d come in to begin the screening process. (which consisted of a full background check, full Lifescan & criminal history check,drug testing) Well my hair was blown back! I’d just licked my wounds over not being #1 and not being chosen…So of course I said I’d love to come in and do that! And I kid you not I almost ran from place to place over a span of 3 hrs to get it all done quickly as possible . And here I sit 3.5 months later in a position I didn’t think I had & a position that I wasn’t the #1 pick for..but that I now feel I was THE perfect choice for. Wowwww.
This is just one example of things happening in my life lately in which I’ve learned that..When something is for YOU it will happen. Regardless of how much it looks like it..won’t. It will! Now some out there might say it just happened to work out for me…But I don’t believe that! I believeeeee God’s hand was in it. Period. Exclamation point. And though its already been near 4 months I am STILL giving thanks N props to my God. I think that is important. Or least it is in my world these dayz..So on this Thanksgiving Day I want to say one ‘mo time. THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH MY JOB! And also thank you for the other many blessings in my life now and for allll the times that I did not give you the glory. Because now that I “see” with clarity with my spirit instead of trusting only what my eyes see it has changed my entire walk. For now every day I feeeeeel like I’m walking on air. And yet I am still staying grounded…
If I may ask all of ya’ll to STOP for a moment today. Try to find a quiet place in the house. Close your eyes. Speak with your heart/spirit and call upon the Holy Spirit. Conjure UP thoughts of allll the loved one in your life, allll the friends who grace your life with gooooodness & positive words, alll the coworkers who help you to feel welcome and/or to do your job better, allll the people you encounter while handling business affairs or shopping that offer customer service(rare these days but it still exists..) , allll the strangers who give off such a good vibe when you meet them they become instant dear friends/confidants..Just take a moment 2 recognize, acknowledge that God brought them into your world and then..Give God the glory and the sincere THANK YOU that is deserved.
Again ya’ll have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family/friends..N remember to count your blessings 2day and every, single day. Sincerely, Berna(the 1 N only)
*Disclaimer: I am not in any form or fashion advising to reach out N touch strangers…Nor is it something I practice on a regular basis; actually far from it! But for the sake of recanting this very true story I’ve included what truly happened. Enjoy the read..*
Oh, I am SO happy God blessed me with a life in which events/happenings occur that make it so storytellable!(this word is a Bernaism for those just joining in) Why? Because I enjoy there never being a dull moment. Beyond making* life* colorFUL(N I love color..) it keeps life from being..boring. When one sits and thinks about it every, single day interesting things or conversations happen to all of us..Just a matter of how we look at it, right? Isn’t it said also, a very old adage, that we live N learn every day? Or we are supposed to(says who?) or we aren’t really living life to the FULLest. Hmmmm..let that sink in for a minute.
So anywayz last week I bought a new car. N for the record I simply could not love it more..The car deal I finally closed on was a 3.5 day experience full of alot of ups N downs virtually speaking & on the phone with a person I never laid eyes on until the evening I went to pick my car up. The connect was found online by my very own Daddy & I took it from there..N though this isn’t the first new car I’ve purchased it is the very first time I’ve hung on past the first offer I liked(advice from my Daddy) I was ready to say SOLD after the first grrrreat deal the internet salesman offered me. Mayhaps I am the typical woman buyer (sucker) salesmen love to deal with. Mayhaps I am just naive and take people based on their “word”..whatever the case waiting for the 5th offer (and the BEST) from the salesman was an experience I really don’t want to relive anytime soon. Ever if I can help it. Ugh , yuck, and OMG I went through a rollercoaster of emotions & frustrations in the many emails, texts, and conversations with my salesman. By the time we met in person the night me and my Mom went to pick the car up I felt emotionally..spent. I had not even seeeeen the car I had decided on & was going to sign the paperwork to buy. The deal was so sweeeet I couldn’t wait to fast forward with the day to get to my car. Color absolutely RED . I love it. I wanted to rush to sign the paperwork before for some reason the salesman realized how incredible the deal was N changed his mind(because there was very minimal profit for him in the deal) So finally signed the final, jeeeez a ton of paperwork, paper. Walked outside on the lot to drive off in my car and when I saw it..emotions just swept over me in a wave of uncontrollable joy. WOW I had a sweeeet deal and was going to drive off in this oh, so cute, absolutely red car! I struggled for a minute whether to hug my Mom or the salesman. Or both. N though I knew how hard this man had worked for this deal, and had a TON of patience with alll the questions(my questions had questions!) I’d asked N confronted him with over 3.5 days..he was still a stranger to me. Comfy as we’d gotten on the phone still until this night I’d never laid eyes on him before. I didn’t know him at all …And yet before I could stop myself I’d run over to him and hugged him! OMG Not a full body embrace but still a hug. And I think he was shocked for a moment; but then he hugged me back. Briefly we connected. Fast forward to after I got home about an hour later…
My cell rang N it was my salesman..Oh crap! Did he realize he wasn’t going to make a penny from the deal and wanted my car back?? I almost didn’t answer my phone. But I did…N he said “You know I had a really, really tough day day. Been up since O-dark thirty. And all I had to eat 2day was a bowl of cereal about 7 am and then got to work about 830 am..you arrived at almost 6pm. About midway 2day I got a call from someone from back home. My very best friend, since childhood died today. And all day long I dealt with those feelings, plus sold 4.5 cars, your car was the half car cause the deal profits you more than I. And all day no one really made me feel comforted from my loss..until you hugged me. A total stranger. And I just need you to know how much I neeeeeeded that on this day! And thank you for such acts of kindness are rare. If there is anything you feel I can ever do for you please don’t hesitate to call me…”
Wowwww how can a simple hug, that I had struggled to even offer, mean so much to a…stranger? But then again is not human touch essential to us all just as sunshine is necessary for plants to grow? Are we not blessed with hands to..touch? Why are some so hard-pressed on the simplest of gestures as a hug ? Is it NOT natural to want to connect with other people ? Weren’t some of our best friends once…strangers? Hmmmm Well this is the way I see IT. It is normal to touch. That is why I feel it is SO important to embrace babies and continue to do so as they grow up. It is a normal human reflex that is often taught and sometimes come from within..the need to be touched. I have encountered people in my life journey who feel odd when touched. I was raised being hugged, kissed and my Mom held hands with my brother and I whenever we went places. To me touch is..normal. After 50 years of marriage my parents stillll to this day hold hands often when they go places. Seems so normal to me I don’t question it. To me touch is..normal. So normal to me to touch in a positive way I never could find it possible to discipline my 3 sons with physical harm. Just doesn’t seem right to me..to touch someone in anger. What IF we could start a movement? A Touch Someone in a Positive Way Day! Not in a sexual way . But a simple hug. A light touch of their arm as you speak.( I speak with my hands anyway LOL..it is my way) A gentle kiss in the middle of an arguement with a lover(try that it will immediatly END the arguement if your partner is human) On my mission to spread LOVE and warmth and a positive vibe this is but one element to add. And oh how beautiful it would be to know that anyone, someone, out there feeeels the same way. This world needs more laughter. This world needs more positive touch. This world needs more LOVE. And its my inherent belief that one person can begin a movement. One person can start a momentum to move mountains..All major movements/events began with a dream someone had that it could happen. I hope sharing my story has in some way “touched” your day in a positive way. Have a fabulous Sunday and remember to count your blessings 2day and every , single day. Sincerely, Berna(the 1 N only)
We all know its happened. A slew of root causes can be listed. Bottom line is its beyond time to actively work to repair it..Is it too late to repair? Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Why is it or should it be an important topic? Have I or you had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and Black Male/Female Relationships? These questions N more on my mind regarding this topic..
*First let me open this up by answering my own questions. 1.Is it too late to repair? Nope, sure isn’t too late. In this lifetime we’re afforded 2nd chances, and sometimes 3rd ones to get ‘ish right! And though time may seem to be moving faster N running out..its never, ever to late to work on anything. Period. 2. Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Yep, my hand is UP and I’m ready to discuss it..3. Why is it or should it be an important topic? It IS an important topic. And it is because the future of Blacks in America is at stake. And its serious..As a mother of 3 Black Beautiful Brothers it matters almost more than life itself to me. For their futures and the futures of ALL the Black youth in America its time to work towards solutions. As well as offer those solutions to OUR youth to arm them for their futures. We owe them that…4. Have I had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and/or Black love relationship? Ugh. this is the toughest of all questions. Which is why I left it for last…In all honesty I guess I have played a part in the breakdown..Not something I’m proud about. I failed at marriage..child of parents now married for 50 years..and yet I’ve not yet been able to maintain one. However, to my credit I did/have/and will always maintain an excellent co-parenting partnership with my exhusband and to our credit we’re also very good friends. Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how dearly we want them to..I think in spite of our divorce learning to focus on co-parenting instead of our divorce “issues” led us to a really good place as friends. Lifetime friends. And because of working through the “ish I can’t say that I’ve added to the breakdown of Black love relationships. I still and always will believe in Black Love..there is no other love for me that will suffice. Exclamation point. Period. ~To B Continued..