Posted in Cancer, cANCER, Health Matters*, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Coming out about having cANcer

>>Talking about having cancer doesn’t get easier …One just gets used to it .>>

***********

Once I was able to wrap my brain around being diagnosed with cancer ; I felt an irresistible urge to share my journey with my family and closest friends .

My main hope in sharing was to provide cancer prevention tips to my loved ones & collect insight from others as well . Also I’ve discovered the more I talk (& learn ) about cancer , the less scary the topic is for me to cope with . After all hearing the words @You’ve got cancer ; is something the majority of us fear ‼️

Any tips you’d care to share with others for coping with having cancer ?

*Let’s rap !

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Health Matters*, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*A Problem Shared Is A Problem Lessened?”..Is Venting Good For The Ventee?

We all need a good vent every now and then..Some of us more than others..Having done my fair share of venting, I’ve got wagon loads of compassion for those in need of a good vent..But what about the flip side of the coin? Does the ventee walk away with a warm , fuzzy after-glow? Or is it normal for the ventee to often feel like an emotional bag of bricks was just laid on their shoulders??

Posted in LOVE, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>>What EVERY Child Should Hear From Their Parent At Least Once In Their Lives…



There is no fail-proof manual that comes with raising children…Know why? Because no two children are alike, not even twins, let alone siblings..What I do feel IS universal is parental love..My free flow of thoughts on this near & dear topic is dedicated to my parents… These are a few things I think every child should hear from their parents at least once in their lifetime>>>

I love you always! Unconditionally. From the womb & forever..

I am proud of you!

What do you think? Or, what is your opinion? (and then listen..)

Thank you! (whenever applicable..)

I am human..(we must teach our children, at all ages, it is ok to admit fault & try again..)

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Defining Moments of Clarity..

What defines us to ourselves? Is it our intentions? Is it our thoughts? Is it our actions? Is it our attitude? Is it our outlook on life? Some of us don’t like to admit it(hand raised high in the air! ) but we want our existence to be remembered..I think we all want to matter..We want to define ourselves with something that is LASTING..Whether it is a published book, successful business or goodwill towards others..Some of us also pour a great deal of the best parts of ourselves into our children..I’ve very guilty of that! Why? Because they’ll be my living legacy long after I’m gone..Yet, isn’t it the little moments quilted together that define us? I believe it is..

Who we spend time with defines us>> Who we keep close are the people that will most influence us..When I close my eyes & reflect on the BEST moments of my life? More times than not those were moments that had someone else in them..Someone close..Dear ‘trusted’ friends who have been there for us in all types of weather..Family members who love us unconditionally to the very core of our being..And those we’ve loved deeply , who care for us even after seeing us at our worst..I’ve learned & am still learning to be ‘conscious’ about who I spend time with ; for they have a say in defining us..Many moons ago I used to tell my sons pick & choose your friends wisely! At 51 years of age that still remains true..Mayhaps even more so now>>

Acts of Kindness>>Corny as it sounds it can make a loved ones’ or stranger’s day! We aren’t always aware of the impact our simple presence has on others..A smile…An unexpected tip(recently happened in my world that I tipped someone whose establishment provided horrific overall service) A comforting ear..A hug..WE have the power to restore someone’s faith in humanity..

We choose our perception of the World>> I heard someone say very recently that the world is full of mostly evil people..Made me a little sad that they’d feel that way..I quickly realized I couldn’t change their mind..I think it is an individual decision we can choose to make every minute of the day..Is the world revolving around us or can we step out of ourselves & see the world from a more realistic viewpoint? If we can’t ever see the world from another’s perspective what does that say about us? There is alot to be said for that old adage@ Walk a mile in my shoes..>>

Addressing naughty habits>>I found myself saying , just today, perfection is boring..There are many things we may dislike about ourselves..None of us are above anyone else..We are human & will make mistakes..Throughout our lives we forms habits, attitudes and even addictions that can be detrimental, but to let them define us would be the greatest misfortune..We must and should strive to dust ourselves off, do better, work on self-improvement/progression and move onwards and upwards>>

What have been some of your life-defining or life-altering moments? Who have you chosen to BE?

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

*Watercooler Chat* Whose Your Sounding Board?

Who are the people you can rely on for counsel or motivation? Who gives you feedback that you can put to good use? Who helps you resist the temptation to shy away from deep personal reflection and/or positive change? These are the some of the purposes that those who serve as my sounding board fulfill..My life wouldn’t be the same without them! Whether self-appointed or just fell into the role; I appreciate them to the fullest..Again and again thanks y’all for always answering my calls..

Most of us need people to give us support, advice, and motivation from time to time..Someone we can run things by or just to vent & release…Whether one’s sounding board simply just listens or offers advice/insight; they get YOU. I’m of the belief that this process has helped me to grow , in ways I wasn’t even aware I needed to change or improve..In addition knowing I’ve got folks I can confide in is highly comforting..In a world as complex as the one we live in that is a priceless!-stress relieving fix..Have you ever felt the need to release to someone who genuinely cares/appreciates you? If so ever thought about if you didn’t have them in your life? Do you have anyone you can call to say I just needed to hear the sound of your voice ? It can be almost as comforting as sitting by the waters edge..Even if you don’t feel like sharing here why not give them a call/text/email/or smoke signal to say thank you & I appreciate YOU. Alright y’all all input is welcome ..Never know whose day you might make from simply sharing your experiences. Lets rap!

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Memories of being 50 years YOUNG* Thanks y’all for being part of my journey..

Waving y’all! Quick break in a VERY busy day..It IS my 51st bday..Wooooohooooo!!! Extremely humbled by the amazing amount of Bday calls, texts, emails, ecards, gifts ..Blown my hair back & as I reflect on this year past? Flew far faster than I anticipated it would..Yet as I count off the goals I accomplished this year? Almost completed all of them..Progresssive year indeed..What was most important to me? Living IN the moment; and making those I consider dear feel as special as they are to me. Nothing more special to me than time spent & enjoyed! I learn & I yearn to learn even more. Thanks to all who have added to my journey. Thanks to all who taught me lessons I’d not have learned had you not entered my world. Most of all thanks be to my God for allowing me to learn the lessons a tad bit quicker..Embarking on a new adventure as we speak; and I am READY. Be back asap to share ..Till then live, love , laugh! Have a fun & safe 4th. 4ever sincere & still standing, Berna(the 1 & Only)

Posted in ~Poetry A Berna Original~

>>He Calls Me *Ma*>>

He Calls Me Ma..

My firstborn..

Inquisitive from the start

Not afraid to make his mark

Never often out of place

One step ahead in any race

Humble in every possible way

Yet..

Not afraid to have his say

I watched with pride as he took his first steps

Even more so when he eased through college prep

Rose to his defense when he was late to utter words

But..

When he began to speak he properly used verbs(& nouns)

In full sentences!

Was never an average child from birth until

Now..

Somehow I just knew he’d reach any goal he chose

And over the years he just rose and rose and rose


An outstanding mentor he’s been/IS to his brothers(and so many others)

No mother could’ve wished for a more perfect firstborn; no other!

With tear-filled eyes I watched his defense of his dissertation

Mere words couldn’t express my awe & fascination

Wow! I kept thinking>> that is MY son!

As we embark upon the few days left till his ‘last’ graduation

I feel compelled to write out my undying love & admiration

Thank you son for an amazing ride and plenty of adventures

You’ve worked so, so hard & diligently!

I’ve learned so much with you and from you..

Looking forward to vicariously enjoying all your future ventures

Your new dream job(woo hoo) & eventually your own family unit

Just..

Never stop calling me those two letters I adore; that only you call me

Ma..

And with private joy! for fun

I’ll call you those two letters that carry a beautiful melody

Dr.

Posted in LOVE

Why I’ve Enjoyed My Last Christmas Being *Single*

**For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven**

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life either: dating a man/marrying a man/pining over a man/SACRIFICING my own needs for a man/crying over a man or getting over a man..Finally, at long last!, my personal identity isn’t centered around feeling significant; only when I have a significant other..That is saying a mouthful! So let me say it one ‘mo time for emphasis..I’ve finally reached a place in my life that I’m very comfy with me & I do NOT need someone to complete ME..Having said that it doesn’t, by any means, mean that I don’t desire being married and LOVED..I really DO>>

This will be my 3rd and last Christmas SINGLE..I feel it in my bones & spirit..I’ve enjoyed, to the fullest, the company of my parents..People might find it odd(and I know they do..) that I so love spending time with/around my parents. I don’t expect other people to understand why..Nor is anyone else’s understanding required..There are things other folks do , that I don’t ‘get’ either. But for the sake of this piece; here is the brief explanation. With the exception of this past 3 years; I’ve lived cross-country from my parents. Always after a visit I’d miss them so badly! Now that my parents are nearing mid 70s; I am taking full advantage of our time spent together..I know God makes NO accidents; and my now residing in the same city was/is a Godsend..

It is my belief that the most precious & priceless gift a person can give..Is quality time..Or acts of kindness that require time being put into them..This Christmas was special to me because I spent quality time, with the two people who brought me into this world. In my mind? That is a blessing! And the man who was created to love me & only me? Will totally understand that without me having to explain..I’ve got such faith! that I’m right where I should be~~in every aspect of my life. All the pieces of my life are falling right into place..so my lifetime love is next! It is so very close I can taste & feel it…Woooo hooooo & yay! Anyone out there have a story of being single at Christmas that you’d like to share?

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**THANKFUL**

**Still I Rise** By the Infamous 1 & Only>> Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

>> I’m thankful for SO many things this Thanksgiving..And in all honestly, every single day I rise..I wanted to share , from my heart, how thankful I’m feeling right now..But all that comes to mind is Maya’s poem which I’ve come to live; daily. Pushing past all past hurts/pain/DISAPPOINTS/transgressions/and mistakes; every day I still wake UP feeling blessed! Feeling renewed! Feeling so, so thankful to see another day..And? Second thing I thank God for after I wake??? That I get another chance & day & opportunity to love, love, LOVE my family & extended family of friends. So this Thanksgiving what I’m most thankful for is, FAMILY. I’d like to wish y’all a very , very blessed Thanksgiving full of peace, hugs, kisses and LOVE. 4ever Sincere, Berna (the 1 & Only)

Posted in **RELIGIOUS**, @Cultural, LOVE, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words

From BOY to MAN

I simply could NOT pass up re-blogging this write..This young man gets IT

Let's Talk About It

Image

From BOY to MAN

Living under the roof of a two parent house hold, you learn the value of love. Life as a boy for me was mostly all about learning how to become a man. It’s nothing like having a father figure to help you understand how to walk, talk, treat a lady and firmly shake hands as well as look another man in his eye as respect. Understanding at a young age how to honor God and follow his commandments on top of respecting morals brings an abundance of wisdom and discernment to escape peer pressure and scope out trouble from miles away. Having morals and following his commandments proactively helped me as a boy think with my brain and not with my man hood. If I would have thought with my man hood it could have created issues that could have followed me when I became a…

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Posted in FABulous 50th B-Day!

****I Made it to 50!!! on this B-DAY.! Happy 4th All. Be Safe. Be Blessed.Have FUN

imadeitto50
imadeitto50
imadeitto50

....I’m “almost” speechless..Note I said almost..I’d NOT be true to myself IF I didn’t say a few words..But I’ll use brevity(I’m still working on that; even at 50 yrs old..OMG I am 50 years old today..WOW) as I attempt to express(this might be an important thing for our sons to read 1 day/or our unborn grandchildren/or whoever) how I feel right this moment. Or better yet how I felt when I woke UP this morning at O’Dark Thirty on the day that marks the 50th YEAR I’ve been alive..Y’all ready for this??? >>

I’m almost in fear of writing too many words right now..What I am feeling is ALOT of emotions..Alot and very. What majority of y’all reading this do not know IS..There was a time onceuponatime ago; I did NOT think I’d make it to see my 50th birthday! And that is one of the many, many reasons this birthday is so, SO very special to me. I am very elated to be here. Still. Still standing. I am very blessed to be here! Still able to share, and to loveeeee, and to share love, and to try to give, give to others mayhaps a tidbit or 2 from my vast lifes’ experiences that just might make their journey a tad bit easier..(yep, I know thats an awful run -on sentence but right now not feeling like proofing) When I first woke this morning I first thought wooowwww I made IT. I am 50 today. Thank YOU my God for “allowing” to still be here. And then? Now this may sound crazy ; but I don’t care this is true stuff! I began looking at my fingers, my toes!, my legs, I reached up to touch my nose, my eyes, my ears!, I ran to the mirror…I just had to make sure ALL of my body parts were still there & in working order. I just had to SEE if I looked any different at 50 yrs old. I stood there in the mirror thinking , “Ok, this is what 50 yrs old looks like. I can deal with that. I am ready to do this 50s thing!” Now I won’t bore y’all with what came after that..Lets just say I balled like a baby. Nor am I ashamed to admit it. I am that happy. I am feeling that filled with emotion. They say sometimes pictures capture a million words..So I’ve found a few pictures to finish this special post. I’ve got a busy, busy day greeting our SONS at the airport..Yay! They are coming to celebrate 50 years of their Ma’s/Momma’s/Mom’s Life..From as far as California & Michigan; and I’m so excited I can barely see straight. I wish each & everyone reading this a very SAFE and fun 4th of July. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)

..here are a few more I could not resist adding..I got carried away; BUT it is after all my birthday and I can do whatEVA I want today. Lol, lol!

AFTERthought= Because I blog without censoring and honestly without proofing..I tend to from time2time leave something out..So I’m piggybacking myself with this special sentiment..The MOST important & valuable LESSON I’ve learned at 50 years of Lifes’ Experience? Nothing and I mean NOTHING can replace nor even come close to being a substitute for FAMILY and LOVE. Luckily I’m Blessed; so those 2 things come hand in hand in my Life. I USED to take that for granted; until I met folks in my Life Journey who has neither. I’ll go one step further to say this..It was NOT until Life has stripped me BARE and NAKED of all MATERIAL things! that I came to truly! appreciate the things that matter most to ME. When I had absolutely NOTHING , literally had given away or sold allll of my material possessions(car, house, furniture, everything…) except for the clothes on my back(well and suitcases full and a ton of shoes, but everything else) and a very, very BIG box of 50 years worth of pictures of my sons, my parents, my husbands, my extended family of friends..When I had the very least, which was 0, did I begin to feel RICH. And I mean that will all of my heart, my soul, my being. It matters less than a hot dayum what type of car a person drives. Nor how expensive one’s home is NOR how many square feet in their home..Matters nothing to me what brand of clothes a person wears. Or how much one paid for a pair of shoes or purse or jewelry..Or anything. I don’t care how much money a person makes! What I RESPECT and need from those that I love/adore is to know who they are WITHout any material possesion..That to me is what matters. For? There are times in this Life we might just have no material possessions; and we still at those times have to love & respect Self. If WE get too connected to material things! we just might lose sight of that..The things that matter in this Life, I feel, are the things we can NOT see. Love, Fellowship, Togetherness, Love!, FAMILY, Friends & Friends & Friends, Laughter, Smiles! and LOVE.
Ilovemyfamily

Posted in FABulous 50 Bday anticipation..

the CountDown Begins..Farewell to my 40s

..When I woke UP this morning the 1st thought I had was..These are the last days I’ll be 40ish..I’m eager and oh so ready to experience my 50s. NEVER in this life journey did I, of all people, think I’d be capable of embracing my 50s. My story continues; and yep, we all have a story. A story behind all of our lives that makes us who we ARE. As I say good bye to my 40s? I realize how much GROWTH transpired over those 10 remarkable years. WOW, wow, and omg wow. Time really does fly when one is caught UP; living/learning/stumbling/leaping hurdles/crawling under stuff!/and making a way when NO ONE else saw a way around things..The past 2 years? Its moved at warp speed! Good thing after awesome happening upon mind-blowing positive miraculous experiences for me! Whoa, I’ve had to hold on to the imaginative handrail so I didn’t fall or slip..Its good. Life is so good when one opens their eyes & their heart and hands things/all things over to; God. There is no other way to express it. There is no logical explanation. But that is my reality. I stand. I stand. I stand. So the countdown begins to the day I make 50 years of age. I’m thankful , so thankful, for all I’ve lived/loved! so much loveeeee/learned/seen/heard; and last but not least I thank God for allowing me to give life to the most amazing sons a Mother could have. God gifted me with 3 awesome MEN who will love me forever..IF there is but one piece of unsolicited advice I can offer to young married women out there? Try hard to co-raise the same type of MEN you’d be proud to marry. Real talk for real..I could go on & on & on about that topic; but I won’t . Anyways farewell 40s! Goooood bye 40s . Waving bye bye to my forties..Feeling unexpected emotions! Until I read/write y’all again many thanks for reading me this past-not-even-a-year-yet-that-I’ve-been-blogging. I thank YOU and YOU for all that you’ve shared , WOW..y’all have made my blogging experience here on W.P. just beautiful. Very. Thank you sincerely. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

goodbye

goodbye

Posted in FABulous 50 Bday anticipation..

Are We Supposed to Know it ALL at this Age?

..I made a comment recently and I’m standing by it..50 is rushing up on me; and I’m in much anticipation for it. I’m ready! Aren’t I? Shouldn’t I be? What are my options if I’m not? …Well by now I’m sure y’all are ready to hear the actual comment I made! It for sure pushed the person’s buttons I was speaking to at the time; however, having said that..IF a person can’t say whats REALLY on their mind at almost 50 yrs of age(such as myself..) when in the heck IS the time to be able to keeeeeep it real?!? The way I see IT there is no time like the present..Hope y’all are ready for some real talk. This is for grown folks ONLY>>

…1st this BROADcast(yep, that’s a play on words that only those 50 & over will catch..) For allll those people who scared the beeeeejesus out of me about making 50..By telling me that one’s body starts literally falling apart with ailments/issues/organ’s failing/and caving in to gravity..Unless the day AFTER I make 50 yrs of age(July 5th..) this happens instantly; y’all lied. Lol, lol! It takes ALOT of consistent work, every single day(and I mean every day) but by the grace of a mighty good God; I’m SO thankful I don’t look like the stuff I’ve lived through at this ripe age. I’ve said it often; and I’ll say it one ‘mo time..Thank YOU God for blessing me. Now if the day after I make 50 yrs of age stuff starts dropping/sagging/and an organ fails; I’ll have to retract this comment. And I’m building up the cajones(figure of speech! cause I am all woman..) to post a picture of me here on WordPress; in my Bday dress after my Bday party. After all seeing is believing for some folks..Enough said & back to the topic at hand>>

....So last week I was having a conversation with someone I hardly knew & had just met..I talked to alot, and I mean ALOT, of people while I was in Phoenix last week..Anyways , somehow or other, we got on the topic of making 50 yrs of age..And for some reason or other; he says ” Well, I have a friend who does NOT know yet HIS purpose or direction, and he’s 50 yrs old already..” I stood there looking at him waiting for the and..And?!? There wasn’t an , and, folks that was IT..I’m not too sure I’m proud of what flew out of my mouth next. BUT , this is what I said(before I could censor it/sugar coat it..>>

In a very steady voice & with a straight face I said, ” WOW, well I feeeeel a person should know where they’re headed/what they’re doing/what their purpose IS/should be progressively moving forward by 50! I mean jeez 50 years old is a longgggg time to be LOST or clue less..” After I said that? He got that wide-eyed look of ” Did SHE just say that?” And he didn’t get time to counter the comment because class went back into session..Later I felt mayhaps that was a harsh comment. Ever make a comment & then later wonder IF you should’ve made it? But it got me to thinking..Isn’t 50 the age one should know it ALL? Or least know enough/have learned enough..IF not 50 yrs old exactly how OLD must one be to know enough to have a PHD in..Life? Does one ever get to that point in life? Or is this life journey just one long process of continual learning? 50 yrs of learning & living! qualifies a person as knowing ALOT, right?>>

the TRUTH is , or rather the truth as I know it, as a person on the doorstep of making 50 yrs old..I do NOT know it all. And honestly? It was a harsh comment..but in my heart of hearts I honestly feel a person should know what direction they’re headed or be in IT. As luck would have it(and I thank God & my lucky stars..) a couple of years before I was this close to 50 yrs old..It became to vividly CLEAR to me what my God-given path was; that I would’ve had to be blind not to have seen it. I could see it clear as day..It took following blind faith to get nearer to it though. And truth be told; I’m not all the way there yet. But I’m a heck-of-alot-closer than I’ve ever been to getting; there. My direction has been on fast-forward motion since then. Very fast..So fast its at times been over-whelming. And all positive..Having said that would I still stand by my comment; IF this wasn’t the case? Probably so..If it wasn’t the case I’d have felt I wasn’t where I was supposed to be by 50 yrs of age. Which leads me back to my first question. Aren’t we supposed to know it ALL by 50 yrs old? Or least enough to account for having lived 50 yrs?!? When I sat down & did some real soul-searching on the matter..AFTER, I’d spoken without thinking to the aforementioned person..Honestly? I don’t feel there is a SET amount of what we should know by 50 yrs of age. I think we know what we know due to the experiences of what we’ve lived through to this point..Some just know more than others. I think life is an ever-changing and evolving event..Like a very BIG stage. We’re all the actors. Our part isn’t determined by US..Its pre-determined. Our free will affords us the opportunity to get to the finish line; at different time periods. IF I could have a do-over of the earlier conversation I mentioned; that’s the response I wish I’d said. Unfortunately in this life journey we don’t always get do-overs though..Living IN the moment is something I attempt to do every, single day..I can only hope the person I said that to reads this & accepts my final & well – thought out answer. What I’ve learned at 50 yrs of age is …WE never stop learning. WE will never know it ALL. And I think learning that is one of the beautiful things about making it to 50 years of age! Now..I tell you one thing about 50 I’m still not used to ; yet. It’s as if overnight I changed from a Miss to a Ma’am. Lawd! When did that happen?? Lol, lolll Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna (the 1 N only) P.S. I might also post a picture of my birthday cake after my party…I want ALL 50 candles on my cake..I don’t care IF it looks like a bonfire! I EARNED every one of those years..Truth be told my Mama probably won’t allow it. Lol, lol! I can just see her face if I even request 50 candles. The look on her face of “Do YOU want to burn the place down?”

Posted in ~Poetry A Berna Original~

The ONE~Fathers Day Tribute 2 My Daddy

A Berna Original Poem **The One**

Daddy, I learned what a real man is from watching you..

Over the  years you’ve shown me you’re proud of all I do

Always saying remember ‘ Your Daddy loves YOU’

As I headed out into the world full of great BIG dreams

You taught me tough lessons; that all isn’t always as it seems

Yet ..

In my innocent naiveté

And..

My vision blurred by a rose-colored monocle

Even in present tense..

You rose to my defense

No matter the offense

Your words ‘I’d kill a rock over YOU’ rang always in my ears

My Daddy loves me! became my silent mantra on my darkest nights

And there have been many..

Your Alphaness/Your Leadership/Your Compassion/Your unwavering discipline/Your knack for figuring out the tough stuff!/Your intelligence/Your avid love of reading & knowledge!/Your hearty laughter/humor

ALL of that sums UP to what I want in a man, nope!, it is what I neeeed in my ‘The One’

Nothing less will do or I’d rather have none

The lessons you taught me without ever even trying

Lawd!

IF I think about that long list now I’ll for sure start crying

As the tears flow

I certainly know

You’ll gently stand by till they cease~

The strength I feel now within my heart

Earned from Life’s heavy! hammer upon my back

From

time to time..

Whilst in my background you always reminded me of where I’d come from

That there was nothing I couldn’t survive or DO if I set my mind on IT

You see..

Its because YOU believed in me always that I now STAND

Even sans my ‘The One’ , yes! you taught me I CAN..

So I’m all grown UP now & have finally found my way

All that you’ve given me; I could hardly ever repay

But just find comfort that I’m sincerely happy doing ME

I’m ever evolving into the person God created me to B~

And even once I’m again my ‘The One’s ‘ loving wife

You’ll forever & always be the #1 man in my Life.

Happy Fathers Day Daddy!

Love always and always, Bernadette

 ~~My UNsolicited AfterWord~~ EVERY little girl deserves from BIRTH not only a Father; but a Daddy! A girl’s first impression of what a man IS..stems directly from her own Dad or lack OF. Think about that for a minute & the impact that can have on a girl-to-woman’s life. The relationship between a girl/woman and her Daddy WILL(not maybe..) affect every love relationship she has with a man in her life. Exclamation point. Period. Thus, I feel its highly important for men to be engaged Dads..for doesn’t the lack of impact all of society in the long run? Yes! it does in far too many ways to list here. IF you make them; tend to them! Would one make a cake? Then walk away from it & leave it unattended in the oven? Hecks no..and a child is something that does not ask to be created. ANY man can bring a child into the world; it takes a REAL man to raise them. Regardless of happenstance of the relationship that the child was born of; children need to be raised by , at the least!, both parents. One thing I can’t respect is a man who did NOT have a hand in raising their child. In my world there is a word for that; and I won’t disgrace my poem tribute to my Daddy by printing it here. But if the shoe fits; U already know. I hope Fathers out there reading this realize YOUR importance. Material things, above a child’s needs, do NOT matter. When said child is grown? They won’t recall the Iphones, Xboxes, or over-priced designer clothes you purchased or couldn’t afford to purchase..what they will forever recall is your LOVE. I’ve found its when we have the least material possessions that the preciousness of  Love is recognized in our lives..Or least thats the way I see IT. 2 All the Daddys/Fathers/Pops/Pa’s out there heres wishing you a very , very HAPPY FATHERS DAY. *You are appreciated/needed!/honored/adored..LOVED*

Posted in FABulous 50 Bday anticipation..

~~~Daily Prompt: R.S.V.P.~~~

The Ultimate Celebration for the person closest to moi? I’ve got the perfect & I mean perfect event to write about . The scoop on the planning of my upcoming  Fabulous 50th Bday party….

For a little over a year now I’ve been planning my 50th birthday celebration..Mostly in my mind of so many different ideas & invite list & food list & party theme ..And of course what I’d like my party dress to look like! A woman’s 50th birthday party is special ; it marks something for me that mere words can’t properly describe. This will be the 1st time my birthday wasn’t just associated with the 4th of July..It will mark a major milestone in a very colorful life, indeed. I have arrived, finally! I’ve yet to decide IF I’ll wear long & flowing or short & sexy..all I know is it will be ultra feminine and I’ll own the “look”. That is as soon as I find the dress, OMG, I never thought finding a dress(the dress) would be this difficult..I’ve been looking for months & months & months..And now I’m less than 30 days away and still! haven’t found “the dress”. Far too many choices is the problem…>

dressofdreams1As the actual party date nears..Plane flights are being booked & many friends & family are pitching in with GREAT ideas & suggestions & its all falling into place. This party IS going to be fabulous..Yet? I still don’t have “the dress!” It wasn’t even this difficult for me to find a wedding dress; I just knew the one when I saw it. I can’t tell y’all how many! dresses I’ve looked at over the past year..countless. None of them is calling out my name  though. Should there be this level of pressure in selecting ONE dress? >>

I don’t want to lose sight of the things that truly matter in my hearts of hearts..Like the fact my sons are flying cross country to share this special time with me, yay, YAY, yayyy. Like the fact my Beloved parents will see their daughter celebrate a birthday she didn’t think she’d live to see. WOW God is good all the time; even times we don’t see that. Like the fact of all the awesome friends offering their services with love(my cake & a line UP of international foods & the oh-so-lovely invitations! I was gifted with..the WOW factor keeps rising & rising) I’m blown away by the outpouring of love; literally blown away. And yet? I still can NOT find “the dress”! I want to look like, well like..I want to look in the mirror in “the dress” and think ‘ Wowwww this is what 50 looks & feels like…’>>

As the date nears the butterflies in my tummy are going wild..I’m ready for 50. I’m ready to party, party, dance & dance & dance with all of my family & extended family of friends..I’m ready to jump with both feet into my 50s & the rest of my life. Life is good; really really GOOD. I know I’ll be full of awesome details to blog about afterwards too..And hopefully I’ll be able to report to y’all I wasn’t butt naked sans “the dress”! But the good news? If it follows suit with everything else this past couple years; “the dress” will be found just in time for the party. 28 days to go…

Posted in Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic

My Quote of the 1/2 Century^^^

***Life is full of Poetic Verse***I am fine. I will B fine. I am living my life out LOUD..in Color. Yesterday, I had one of those days & experienced but a mere “moment” in a space of a long, long! beautiful  life..I’m just about 1/2 a century NEW. My life, inofitself has been what all of our lives are..yet some of us fail to realize..it IS a miracle , indeed! what we live through, climb over, run around, and Leap OVER while experiencing this thing called Life. Filled with moments bittersweet but also overflowing with so, so , so many moments of utter JOY..that it can set us on a momentum that forward propels us hurdling(for lack of a better word) with baited breath & excitement! into each brand new day. I move , alot, in a very brisk , electric filled pace; trying with all my might to squeeze the UTmost out of each moment , each experience, each! day..But sometimes I also STOP to literally smell the roses; for none of us know(honestly) when we or IF we’ll re-experience any of what we embark on daily. When I decided to blog & share my real-true-life “happenings” out in front of the world; I promised myself I’d do it with an open nature so that I might leave my journey behind to mark a life journey. My life journey..for my 3 beautiful Black princes , for my grandchildren whenever they come to B, for anyone out there who just might gain something positive from what I’ve lived. What is this life really ABOUT if we don’t in the process of living..touch many? It is my sincere desire to let ALL of the love in my heart overflow , always, releasing what I call Liquid Love..Words can touch many. Words are powerful. Words can heal. Words can help one get through ‘Ish..And 2nd to actions; words can express Love in remarkable ways. I’ve been humbled beyond the realm I thought possible; by my WordPress experience..its given me confirmation of what, I think, I already knew. People represent Love..and when they reach out 2 others, from across countries no less, it brings to my full realization why I’m such a people-loving social butterfly. For the many that reached out to me last night? YOU wow’ed me/Blew my hair back/Rode through “it” with me/Showed a stranger love, love , love..Those that have known me a lifetime know I’m a fighter..Never hit a person with my hands out of anger, yet!, I’ve fought my entire Life to get TO my God given potential..Its when things have “seemed” the darkest to me; that have motivated me to “see” light..Like in a dark room & one strains their eyes to make out the shadows in the darkness while slowly proceeding forward(because stubbing a toe! hurts like heck) I say all of this to say@ I am fine. I will B  fine always; even when I think I’m not! Like my yesterday..I am living my Life out LOUD..in Color. I am rich when it comes to Love in my Life..I am Blessed. God hears my Prayers & HE hears YOUR prayers. This is a brand new day & WE woke up this morning..And that inofitself is a Blessing and cause to celebrate. I’ll be back tonight on my usual word grind & my kool-aid smile! Until then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ~Poetry A Berna Original~

~~Love is NOT just a VeRb~~**Self-Challenge**Poetry a Berna Original

loveexpressionsIt feels so good to B..Loved! Coming  at me  from every angle of my life thus feeding me with desire to express lyrically..Challenging myself to stretch higher & higher in poetic verse. >>COMING SOON..Going to have to shelf this one for a minute, its not coming to me quick enough to write out. Good things can’t be rushed. Stay tuned<<

Posted in =Self Discovery=, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*The Long Way Home..*

longestwayhomeBased on the true story(& learned lessons)   which is my Life..>>What those that know me personally, that also read my blog(hugs,hugs! , & more hugs) are privy to is that at almost 50 yrs of age; I moved cross country to my parents home. I no longer live there though & have nothing but fond, loving memories from the life-altering experience.  What that same group of people knows is that …very shortly I’ll be drafting my very first book. A book I’ve planned on writing for the past-longer-than-I-care-to-mention-number-of-years..Haven’t yet dreamt of the title; it won’t actually be titled, The Long Way Home…and its foundation though based on life(specifically mine..) will be to serve as a guide for other young girls/women out there on their Life Journey..Not a self-help book; but a self-DO book. But anyways I digress for I was driving home yesterday & I got lost..Which led me to the idea of this post. For you see I’ve gotten quite used! to getting lost(with a GPS that I seem to keep on off mode) ; and I think its been the BEST way for me to never forget my way to wherever the heck I was headed in the first place..Heck of a run-on but I can’t break that line of thought UP..In short while some folks feel getting lost OR being lost is a bad thing; for me? It has brought me to where I needed to be; every single time. That might not make sense to y’all ; but it makes perfect sense to me..Question. Do you know what your center IS? Took  me almost 50 yrs but I know, and part of me always knew, what mine was/IS..Lets see if I can dig a little deeper & explain..>

^Your “Center”= I’m going to borrow this definition from Wiki..its FAR better than even I can write out. Afterwards I’ll move forward with this post; just want to first make sure y’all are up-to-speed .

**Within each person, there is a “center” where “you”, the essence of who you are and consider yourself to be, is located. It is not a physical place, rather it is where the certainty of your confidence is. When you are distressed, it is good to contemplate this “essence place” in order to reconnect with the calm certainty that is your self.

So “finding your center” means to understand within yourself that the distressing circumstance will pass, you will learn from it, and you will remain yourself. This is important when events make you crazy. When your world falls apart, the “center” of you reassures you that the event will pass, but you are still the same person you have always been.

In religion, this “center” is where you and your God connect. In some religions, this center can be called the soul..it is the “connecting place” between this physical plane and the Eternal. It is a place of calm, a place within you that can give great strength and resolve when you take the time to “return to your roots.” It is the place of refreshing and renewal.

So if you are in emotional distress, “find your center” reminds you that you are stronger than you realize and that you need to reconnect with your God and your essential being.** Moving right along…>>

What I’ve learned is the more in tune with Self I get..the less I give a dang!(and I mean that in the most respectful way..) of what other folks think about what I do/what I say/how I act. Who are they to say what it takes for ME to live UP to my God given potential? To be all the me I can? Its my belief when we let other folks “define” who we are; we become who they! want us to be..Think about that for a minute & let it sink in. I’ll take this line of thought one step further @ When I fully realized what my “center” was/is; the less insecure I became. And? I didn’t fully come to this realization until I came full circle and  went home almost 2 years ago.. I was lost (figuratively) until I found myself and my way home…>>

So, as I was saying when I first began this post..I got lost yesterday driving home. Returning from a bruncheon at adored friends house ..and! the funny thing is I’d just, and I mean just told them, oh nooo need to worry about me I know exactly how to get home. Plus, I told them I’ve got my GPS so if all else fails I’ll finally use it..I didn’t want them to worry. Anyways, I went skipping out to my car & bam! almost immediately took the wrong route. Went North on the freeway(they call them highways here; but I refuse! to give up all my Cali terms or way of life..) instead of South. And OMG I had to go for what seemed like forever for a turn-around spot..I’d known I was lost & headed the wrong way about 10,000 miles( exaggeration but it sure seemed like that far..)  before I could double back to go the right way..What heck kind of State doesn’t make a turn -around spot sooner than..as far as I’d driven? *slapping forehead* Yep, I’m still getting used to living outside of Cali..As I was driving along admiring all the green , lush(now thats ONE thing this place has over Southern dry brown Cali..) I realized how many times I’d gotten lost since moving here. Then my mind began to wander how many times I’d been lost , period, in my life journey…Times I just felt like-IF-this-or-that-I’d-be-a-little -bit-happier …times that I either still wanted something smaller or bigger..times I wanted either more or less of whatever…times I wanted my loved ones who love me dearly to love me a little bit; deeper..times , when all the world looking IN figured I was totally happy, that I just felt I neeeeeeded something “else” to be totally happy..Yet, I didn’t know quite what was missing. As my eldest son shared with me about 3  years ago; I needed to find my “center”. At the time? I didn’t even know what the heck that meant..>>

Ever feel like something is missing from your life? Feel like a gerbil running around & around & around a wheel; on a daytoday grind of routineness? Wonder what the purpose of life is? I read on a W.P. blog the other day someone said ” Contrary to what religious folks think! ; there is no purposeful meaning to our existence or life. ” WOW , reading this now blows my hair back. Why? Because there is nothing further from the truth..How sad for anyone to feel like that. Wouldn’t their life then be as boring as that gerbil running circular laps around his wheel? Until I found my way home that is how I felt..alot. My oasis in the middle of that jacked UP barren desert? My 3 beautiful Black princes. Not only did they add meaning to my life; without them life just wouldn’t be the same. True blessings from God..Also my beloved & loving parents. When God handed out parents; he gave me the BEST. My right-hand man & co-parenting partner. Actually divorced but I swear we get along better than some of the married folks I hear about..and the list goes on & on..I’ll save some keystrokes by saying my center IS..My family/Mi familia/My extended family of friends. Its them that I think of & smile! on days that I just feel I need a bright light to look forward to or I’ll explode. They are my center. Loving them & being loved by them ..and knowing that their love IS unconditional(that I never , ever have to doubt it..) keeps me grounded. Feeling loved IS the number 1 best feeling on this planet. For me. And yep, it even outranks the feeling of an orgasm. Barely..but still outranks it…>>

These days? I feel alot like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz..Everything seems SO new. Experiences. Projects. Friendships..For I look at things in a totally different manner. I believe its called , Appreciation. I no longer take things for granted. Not only that I’m quite verbal about letting the folks that I appreciate them; aware that I appreciate them. For far too many years I ASSumed folks knew how much I loved, adored, appreciated & even needed them in my life..and while actions speak volumes telling someone these things doesn’t hurt either. I feel a neeeed to express myself these days. In every/any form possible. I say all of this to say this. I am home. Not literally anymore because I’m in my own place now once again. Yep, I’m all grown UP now again. Lol, lol! But I am at home within myself. At long last & finally. And if its taking U a long way to get home? Don’t lose hope for you can get there..if you wish to. The first step will be the hardest step to take. Your feet may feel like they’re stuck in cement..but lift one after the other to step by step & day by day striving to get home. Striving to reach your Center. Striving to BE purposeful and to get the full meaning out of Life. Life might be short; but my days are long  & full..Hope yours are also. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ~Poetry A Berna Original~

^^^^SURREALITY^^^^

Bookmarking this spot..this is a Self challenge to attempt to express where I’m at, in the here & now, this is the best word I can use to describe it…Never been here before yet its a feeling SO beautiful; I only wish I could bottle it up to save some for all tomorrows & share it with all of my loved ones, extended family of friends & y’all..Hopefully before  weekends’  end I’ll have penned it..No guarantees on that , for I’ve learned not to rush creativity. Just letting it flow freely..

**Surreality**As defined or re-defined by lil ole me= A state of being in a place ~N~ time in which reality is met full-ON by things I prayed for , dreamt of, wished for!, dared to reach  for  and most certainly worked hard for… A state of constant  resisting pinching myself to check if I’m really awake. A state of dealing even with “crisis” with a brand-new grace-that-isn’t-quite-perfect-but-a-major-improvement-of-the-way-I-used-to-overstress-over-crisis. A state of not being able to complain about a thing! & more often than not. ** Hoping I can  get lost in the translation as I mark this place in time poetically..

^^^^SURREALITY^^^^

 

~~~God brought me out of darkness into rays of sunshine SO  bright I have to blink

And walking shakily/steadily! with quickness of pace further away from the brink

Here I stand

Happy! even sans a man

Who knew?

Exhaling    Inhaling deeply   Taking a moment to catch my breath..

Breathing

Lacing together all the pieces , the lovely remnants & memories of my life

Please don’t dare wake me if I’m traipsing while asleep

I pray! the Lord my soul to keep

Always in His hands

Here I stand

Trying not to get overwhelmed by the overwhelmingness of it all

Refusing to back up /can’t go back/won’t look back/catch me if I ..

Fall

Exhaling     Inhaling deeply   Taking a moment to catch my breath..

Breathing

Perfect  ,ever so perfect, in my complete & utter imperfection

Waiting patiently, sort of… on my very last Love connection

The final step towards the embrace that will hold me for life

Oh! how I yearn to once again be my ‘the 1’s’ coveted wife

He is close, so close I just feeeel it deep down in my bones

So..

Here I stand

Inhaling all that is good /feeling just like I thought it would except..

Better!

Who knew?

Flanked by my beloved parents whose adoring love lifted me UP

Loved all the hurts & pain away

I’m finally having my say

Does life get much better than it is today?

If so..

Please, please don’t wake me if I’m traipsing while asleep

I pray! my soul always my Lord to keep

Not afraid anymore ..there is nothing to fear.. ‘cept living UP to my potential

Still a ways 2 GO

Learning along the way, loving! all in my path. Main lesson? GOD is essential

Here I stand

Smiling even when I feel pain ,knowing, that too will pass

One has to know pain to truly appreciate joy in this life

I swear I can see the light

This time and place seems so surreal

My excitement I can’t hardly conceal

Lusting for life and all that it brings

Most days my heart is full..I just feel like singing!

Out loud

Here I stand

Exhaling    Inhaling deeply   Taking a moment to catch my breath..

Breathing in my surreality~~~

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

OPEN Doors*What Glitters Has Just as Much Chance of Being Gold as NOT*Walking in..>

May 18, 2013..A door is opening for me..All of my being is in anticipation..The butterflies in my tummy are going wild! To say I am excited!  is an; understatement. Are you ready when doors OPEN in your life? Do you recognize when a door is opening?(and quite often when another closes..) I am ready. Are U? I feel like the little girl in this picture..floodgate of thoughts/sensations/emotions are flowing through my mind/my spirit/my BEing. Not sure if I can express this better poetically or written verse; all I know is I’m going to let it flow..

Remember the moment or time frame in your life; when you realized you were truly grown? When you realized you’re now officially part of the “elder” group; the group the ‘young folks’ look UP to? Actually listen to?!? And if you’re really fortunate /blessed tell you they admire you? That moment in time for me is .. here & now. Funny thing about is just the other day , after I told someone my latest good news, they actually said to me.”Awwwww you’re allll grown UP now!>

In all honesty I’m not talking about just grown UP regarding age..For we all know some really old grown fools, right? What I’m speaking on is deeper than that..personal evolution. Inner revolution in short means IF you don’t like something about your life, don’t blame anyone else or life’s pitfalls, just dig deeeep within yourself to change IT. Sounds simple enough , right? It isn’t; but I can attest to the fact it can be done. Even when you’re knocking on 50’s door…I wish I could bottle this feeling/experience up and share it with the world..>

We’ve got options when doors are slammed in our face..a. Fall apart b. Cry alot c. Complain alot d. Fall apart! e. Blame it on the system/the infamous “they” /or whoever.. f. be patient until another door opens (OMG thats difficult sometimes..) About 21 months ago I had so many doors closing that I began to take it personal..I wasn’t used to rejection; honestly? I’m still not used to rejection. But  with jobs in the housing market drying up rapidly; rejection became quite the norm. A drastic change was eminent. I walked through a new door; one that I traveled cross country to walk through. It was the most difficult decision I’ve made in my entire life. The result? I’ve become a believer in miracles..>

I won’t waste keystrokes explaining each detail of the past 21 months..But I will say this. When doors open; they open wide. And I mean wide. You just have to recognize it; and quickly walk through the door before it closes. Use discernment(& alot of prayer works for me) & just do IT. I no longer feel that anything is impossible. For I’ve seen impossible things happen..mainly because I believed they would happen! And of course because my GOD’s hand is so very much in my life..Undeniably so. Almost everything in my life right now is brand new. Built of course on a sturdy foundation; but sort of re-modeled! I can’t think of any other way to express it. Digging deep to even try. I probably should’ve written this out poetically…Simply said next month I’m entering a new phase of my life. Brand new surroundings/brand new stuff!/Brand new car/Awesome brand new career/Brand new friends, extended family of friends/Brand new titles/community involvement..and I can  hardly contain my excitement. My cup is over-flowing with joy..I am ready. Certainly if it can happen to me, especially at almost 50, lol! (OMG its so close now) , then it can happen to & for anyone. YOU’VE just go to believe that it can. (whatever it is that you desire..)  My next project?  A brand new man, my last “the one” man. Finding & making time for a social life…because guess what I’m betting my next big good news will BE? THAT I’M NO LONGER SINGLE(though I’m not complaining for the self-inflicted  single time has been good for me & to me)..so making time for that is a must. Soon, very! soon. I am ready to be part of the love-union that I was born to be in..  Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Calling out all good women of VIRTUE..last of a dying breed?

I first feel a need to have a disclaimer for this topic..Don’t want to ruffle any feathers. I know many women of VIRTUE; or least what I define virtue as. My Mom is one. She is THE one that I gauge all others from; tough shoes to fill indeed! Especially for me; her only daughter>

Nevertheless as I reflect about  young girls(& women)  I see out & about; its become clear to me many have forgotten, or worse! mayhaps never knew, what true beauty is. It has nothing to do with being beautiful. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with what one owns or can acquire. It honestly has nothing to do with being sexy OR having SEX OR being celibate.. It has nothing to do with going to church every Sunday>

So one might ask what is my definition of a woman of VIRTUE? I thought you’d never ask>

This, to me, is the make-up of a virtuous woman>

SHE has a sincere desire & dedication to the growth of others..She voluntarily helps others WIN.

SHE moves, acts, thinks with  a positive & distinct purpose.

SHE has a genuine warmth & love for herself..which can’t help but flow to others.

SHE touches whoever she encounters with kindness and encouraging words. Negativity just isn’t her thing..nor idle gossip for she knows gossip of others is like raping their spirit.

SHE sees with her heart to meet & often exceed the needs of the moment.

SHE is a woman of vision..she uses her skills & imagination to see the tomorrows beyond today. Building UP brick by brick.

Mothers Day is quickly approaching..That fact is what actually brought this topic to mind..As I marvel at the woman that is my own Mother. My Mama! I’ve been known to say, quite often, IF I could be half the woman my mother IS..then I’d be as hellified as I already think I am. As I look around at some of the young women coming up behind me; I realize!, how awfully BLESSED  I am to have the Mother I have. For, how can a woman even begin to half-ass attempt to BE a virtuous woman..IF she has no example to mimic? Or to even aspire/strive! to emulate. Being that it IS a given that little girls learn from their Mothers; what to do when their Mother example is piss-poor? Or so strung out from drugs that she can hardly tend to her children? Or what about working so many hours just to feed/clothe/provide shelter for so called FATHERLESS children..that she can barely tend to her own needs let alone think of being virtuous. I can certainly understand how some women can be ‘bitter’ & fed UP & ready to give UP. As happenstance & circumstance I too could’ve been that type of woman>

I’ve been a victim of a ‘situation’ or happening; that could make a grown man openly weep..Which then caused me to feel emotionally “bankrupt”. And when a person feels like that they may as well be dead..or least that is what they begin to think . But for the grace of a mighty GOD; I woke UP. One day I just simply decided to stop living on the , fringe of happiness. I tired of being a victim, simply because I had been a victim, and decided I was NOT going to let anyone nor anything steal my JOY. And with every ounce of my being..I meant that. It is my sincere desire to express to ANY young woman this sentiment. YOU are special. YOU can do anything your heart desires. YOU deserve to be happy. YOU were created by a GOD that loves you more than you can fathom. YOU possess a uniqueness that only YOU can share with the world. YOU are strong enough to band-aid your scraped knees(from falling) & RISE above any expectation you even have for yourself..YOU are a loved child of GOD as such nothing is impossible. YOU can be your own worst enemy or your very own best friend. Choosing the latter is a very conscious & worth while effort. Exclamation point. Period>

I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that gave me life..I’m so thankful for the women of virtue that mentor me spiritually(you both know who you are..) I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’ve called my BFF for 27 yrs..I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that is my new GOD Mom..I’m so thankful for the 2 women of virtue who are my exMom & exSisinLaw. I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’m fortunate to call my Boss. I’m so thankful for the many women of virtue in my Church Family. I’m so thankful for the women of virtue who are my Aunts/cousins/& multitude of friends from Coast 2 Coast. I’m so thankful my GOD loved me! so much to have put you in my life journey..And this Mothers Day? I’d like all of you to promise one thing. Reach out and mentor a young girl that needs guidance…think of the impact that could make on a life. Just like mine…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only!)

Posted in FIST BUMP Moment

Now that IS cause for a FIST BUMP..good news at long last^ Fist Bump Moments..

Not sure about ya’ll ; but my spirit has tired of hearing ONLY bad news. Why come good news doesn’t cover the front pages of newspapers? In light of all the awful, shocking! news..don’t we need to read/see news that warms our hearts from time 2 time? How about more often than not? Doesn’t sell papers nor fuel reality shows though..So this spot will be reserved for the many ‘fist bump moments’ ..they don’t get half the attention(our attention..) that they deserve>

**I woke UP this morning with several ‘fist bump’ topics on my mind..Trying to figure out which was the best to properly get this category opened..I had no intention of making it personal..And then epiphany! Why the heck not? It is after all my style to make things; personal. In a world filled with images & beliefs! that collecting material objects & wealth matters more than things that warm the heart..I refuse! to live that type of life. And so with that said I recently got FABULOUS news..It couldn’t be more personal. Hang onto your hats & wigs here I go>

~~It is official! My eldest son will receive his Doctorate, yep PHD(on a FULL academic fellowship), May 2, 2014..Not quite sure if even my penned words can fully capture the thoughts in my head & certainly my heart. But I’m going to try with all my might to break this down..This is the way I see IT>

What a journey, an awesome ride its been..From inside the womb YOU changed my life. Instantly. And since then? Your positive  words/your presence/your essence/your helping hand to the generation behind you/Your scholastic outreach to people of color/Your research in higher education/Your LOVE..has touched, changed, helped!, others and now? You’ll change the world progressively>

For all the times you were told what you couldn’t DO/For all the financial sacrifice over the years!/For all the times you watched friends marry &  have children/For all the times you wondered the many IFs you stopped at your Masters/For all the times you had NO family to talk to for guidance who already had their PHD/For all the times you just wanted to be doing other things besides studying/For all the times you traveled to places for research ..D.C., Cali, Ireland, South Africa, Chile, etc..and longed to be HOME/For all the times you missed your family yet couldn’t afford to get over-emotional about it/For all the times you faced the bitter cold in Michigan winters..YOU SURVIVED, you did IT..and your Momma couldn’t be any more prouder of you than I am and will always BE. I knew , always knew, you would do it..>

Forever humble & always keeping it REAL you’ve managed to do it all..Total well-rounded person..When next I see you I’ve got the worlds biggest hug, tons of kisses on your cheeks, heck of a lot of big kool-aid smiles, plenty of uncontrollable tears of joy and a FIST BUMP reserved just for son & Momma. GO Christopher & GO BLUE(I’m bringing my gold/blue pompoms!)

 

Posted in Positive Movement Topic, ^Encouraging Words

~Perfectly IMperfect~ the 2 Parent rule

Just today someone whose met my parents..told me how lucky I was to have such awesome,  loving parents AND that they were both still alive & well. The person who said that lost her father at a very, very  young age..She said it so softly ; I  had to lean forward to hear her. It made me pause to reflect hours later. Here are a few of my thoughts on a topic, which  I feel, is highly important these days..Hang onto your hats & wigs this road might get a little bumpy>

In a perfect world, or as perfect as things can BE..and when folks let nature do what it does naturally; it takes TWO to make a baby. Takes two to bring into the world another perfect creation..in my minds eye’s this process(the 9 months in which it takes  baby to flourish in the womb) is THE most beautiful event on this earth. I’m sure anyone out there that has or is experiencing it..can relate. I fell in love with each of my 3 sons long before their kicks pummeled my tummy. Once I saw them as they came splashing into the world, shiny like a brand new penny, I was hooked for LIFE..

There was a time backintheday, before I was as evolved as I am now, that I felt I was the “perfect” parent to do most of all for my son…I had a stint as a single mother for a bit; and I’d gotten used to doing it ALL. Once I became married and part of a beautiful love union; I didn’t quite know how to let go of the reins of one-parent-parenting. I can be honest about it now that I’ve realized it. At the time I just thought I was “right”. At the time I didn’t realize that my “parental micro-managing” was cutting my husband out of the parenting process..or least a part of it. An important part of it. How fortunate & blessed I am/was; that he was strong enough and loved me & our sons enough to SHOW  me(not even did he tell me..) that I was “wrong”>

When I began to observe how our sons NEEDED their Dad’s nuturing/guidance/words of discipline; was when I finally began to let go of the reins I’d held on one-parent parenting. Honestly, I can’t recall exactly when that was..my best guess is about 1/3 of the way  of our middle sons’ life. (which at that point our youngest son was still a toddler; and coincidentally when we divorced) I think what made that a pivotal life-changing decision for me; was when I noticed how much our sons missed their Dad living in the house with us. Love for my sons forced me to face reality. They needed him to be very present in their lives; even if I didn’t want him to be present in my heart. Which by the way it was/and has been impossible to erase him from my heart anyway…>

Thankfully because of this great ephiphany! I had; our sons never had to go through the tug-of-war that some children of divorce have to endure..I wanted him to spend time with them! Early on during our 2 yr divorce proceedings and process; I discovered I not only did NOT want to raise our sons alone..it just was NOT fair to our sons for me to have to. So, I encouraged their Dad to come pick them UP to visit. IF it looked like he was going to change plans or dates to pick them UP; I called him and convinced him it wasn’t fair to them. They missed him and they needed him; COME get them and fulfill your parental duty & responsibility. Exclamation point. Period. I think sometimes folks can get caught UP, for a brief minute, in this life journey..and we can forget the things that matter most to us. Since then? He has thanked me for staying firm during that time frame..he loves his sons immensely. I think both of us were a bit lost without each other during that timeframe..Mothers, however, have no choice but to be mothers 24/7 365 days a year from the birth of the child until death. And my belief? Fathers should have NO choice but to do the same. It takes 2 to make them AND it rightfully takes 2 to co-raise them properly. Anything less is a great dis-service to the child..>

I think also because I’d always had 2 loving parents in my life time; it was quite easy to want the same for my/our sons..My now ex-husband hadn’t had that; for his own Father died when he was quite young. Having said that however..he is one of the BEST Fathers/Daddies/Pops!/Papa’s..that I know. Matter of fact I’d go as far as saying he ranks number 2; number 1 of course is my own Daddy. I can’t imagine my life without my Daddy in it; not in the yesteryears nor now. It is my belief that God created 2 parents for a reason..1 of each gender. But what I’ve also learned is that both genders can nuture. I used to think that was only something that Mom’s could DO. That just isn’t the case..WE do it well and we do it quite naturally due to the instant bonding that takes place while the baby is growing in our womb. I’ve never felt anything more natural than being & becoming a Mother. It IS in my opinion the single most important JOB on this planet. It should rightfully always be..or least that is the way I see IT>

*It takes a while village to raise a child* ..Origin is from Igbo & Yoruba(Nigeria) proverb. Translation =it takes a communal effort to raise a child. > If there is even a tiny shred of proof that this is true(which it is my belief it is…) than at the least don’t children DESERVE to be co-raised by both parents? Whether parents divorce or never marry; the job still remains to raise children once they’re born. Somehow these days that just doesn’t appear to be happening consistently. Often times I feel perhaps folks should have to obtain a license to have children…I could really go off on a tangent with that thought process; but I won’t. Thats another topic for another time. There are many books on child-rearing from an array of viewpoints; yet, matters not if the arrangement of parenting isn’t agreed upon from the onset. And then kept during the duration…No one ever said a child’s upbringing would be an easy task. Matter of fact it is probably the most difficult job we hold in life. There are no trial runs either. Once the baby is born the clock starts & doesn’t stop ticking until…death. Unfortunately, for children, they can’t request from their parents to do right by them. To give them a fighting chance in life by raising them properly..Society suffers when it isn’t even attempted. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t make a person a parent. Putting one’s own needs aside & loving them enough to parent them does..and that takes at the least the 2 that brought them into the world. >Until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, ^Encouraging Words

~MAKE Choices *or* MAKE Excuses~

This ‘write’ is inspired by..Life. And will be written from the ‘mental notes” I’ve taken along my journey>

Disclaimer: I don’t claim to know all the answers..to anything. But what I do speak on I’ve lived. Through trial & error; and this theory is what works for me. In every aspect of my life it is working; only exception is my last love relationship. Which honestly I’ve not applied the time it deserves..but the right time for that is coming. Soon. Very soon. Anyways I say all of that to say I practice what I preach. Moving right along>

Keep it moving means exactly what it implies. Stay busy reaching/striving for your goals/dreams! This is a conscious  “choice” we can make. And it is necessary; if one wants to make sound, progressive choices instead of excuses. Ever met a person that just goes on and on about would’ve , should’ve , could’ve? They’re probably also a couch potato ..as IF that will help them do some of those things they wish they could’ve done. Staying busy , productive, and progressive keeps my mind clear of unnecessary clutter and B.S.! I simply don’t have time for it..and the rest of the time I’m sleep. But still working on getting more of that. But anyways moving right along>

Kis..yep, almost just as good as kiss! Keep it simple..Choose what you want to do. List the things it will take to get the job done. And one by one knock down the things on that list..before you know it..mission accomplished! Keeping it simple allows one to NOT get distracted(or delayed) by unnecessary complications. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” Quote by Albert Einstein

I used to live by chance..Trying to do everything in a perfect manner. Wound up feeling disappointed in myself alot because..a state of perfection doesn’t exist! When I chose to grab life and my goals..by the cajones and just do IT..I’ve been a cazillion times more effective in achieving what I set out to do. And a heck of alot happier/comfy in my own skin/content 100% with my choices/decisions. Sometimes  you just have to step out on FAITH. Been there and doing it. Alot. It is never an easy walk; but waiting for others to decide my fate left me feeling unfulfilled. NO one person , nobody, can make the best choices for an adult that will leave that person feeling wonderful. But making a choice that is right for me(you); regardless of whether it fails or not..has been awesome for my soul and self-esteem. When the choice, my choice, works!..I feel like I’m walking on air/gives me more confidence to make more choices & decisions/and motivates me to strive higher. The impossible truly is possible..ya’ll will just have to trust me on that one.  Or try it for yourselves.

IF there is something about your life you’re not content with; work to change IT. We all know the type of folks who whine about this or that..yet do nothing to change it. That is their choice..however for those that truly want to make a change..just DO it. 17 months ago I took a leap of faith(for the 1st time in my life journey)  and I’ve never looked back…Change? It is possible if you want it badly enough. Even at almost 50 yrs of age.

Last but not least most of us have a very, very strong relationship with our “inner voice”. That “gut” feeling. I call mine my “vibe radar”..when I feel good vibes from a person or an environment..99.9% of the time it is spot on. Same for the vibes I get when I’m making a decision or choice. Its called intuition. With most women it is strong; problem is we don’t listen to it half as much as we should. Until we get older/wiser/stronger/BETTER..or maybe that is just how its worked out for me. Word of advice? Learn yourself. Learn what you’re skilled at. Learn what you do BEST. Strive to figure out your GOD given talents. We ALL  have them; just some of ya’ll don’t use them or don’t know what yours are.  Learn your flaws and your faults. Admit them and work on improving them. Daily..Learn your weaknesses. Try to either stay “away” from them or get stronger so they won’t be a weakness. Its my belief the more one learns themselves; the more one’s inner voice can be heard and felt. Real talk. It works if you work it. Least that is the way I see IT…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only) 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words

>Got dreams 2 remember? Come step off the hamster wheel 4 a minute & re-claim it..

definition of HThat message is SO  profound; I had to post it twice..amping myself up to let my thoughts flow on this one. Very deep & personal subject matter for me. Ready? Get set…

Did you know what YOU think; is what YOU attract? Let that sink in for a minute..and take this thought with you also. @ ““The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her/his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

**Remember all the passion, drive, ambition, goals, DREAMS ya’ll had when leaving the “nest”? That all encompassing feeling of thinking , I can DO it all and I know it all! ; and I’m going to do this, and travel there! , etc etc, yada yada..And then life happened. Bills, marriage, more bills, house with a picket fence, more bills!, children, more bills, children’s education, more BILLS..and in between off to work we go….Its all too easy to get SO caught up in co-raising children and holding down a marriage/love relationship plus taking care of the household; to forget one’s OWN dreams. Or least it was for moi(me) My dreams took a major back seat…by design. For once I became a Mother; it became my full time job. And the most important JOB that I’ll ever have..When I became an empty-nester; I honestly didn’t know how to handle IT. It didn’t come easy to me as many would think it should..It was traumatic. Thoughts of “What do I do NOW?” “OMG my sons don’t neeeeed me anymore”  etc…Suddenly it seemed as if my days lasted forever. I didn’t know what to DO with all the extra time. I had forgotten my dreams. And I was totally clueless how to “desire” my old passions/dreams/goals as I once had. But now, thanks to a mighty GOD, and an extremely loving family/friends; I can remember my dreams. And daily I’m working on attaining them one by one. I dream BIG and I dream in living COLOR>

I think one of the main keys to staying progressive IS; staying positive! We have to keep ourselves UPlifted. We have to believe in ourselves before anyone else will. And we have to know we can achieve ANYthing we desire. IF we can dream it; we can do IT. Or least that is the way I see it..and I’m living it. I’ve come to believe that nothing easily gained is worth it. Nada..I’m  a worker bee..And if you spend time around me; I’ll put you to work also. Nothing changes; until something changes..and that means keeping it moving. Was Rome built in a day? Absolutely not..but it took a TON of folks to build Rome UP. And I’m willing to bet it began with a dream that it could happen..

The Laws of Cause & Effect are strong in our lives..Once we truly realize that; any goal can be accomplished. Are you at cause so you give yourself the power to make the choice about how you think, feel and act and you create the life you want or are you at the effect of everything life throws at you so you see everything as negative and are always looking for something or someone to blame for your what happens to you in life? Let that sink in for a minute. And being honest with self in answering that helps..

And last, but certainly not least..HELP  someone else reach their dream while you’re striving towards yours. Lending a helping hand to others , for me, has brought me joy..it just feels good! And, believe it or not, when you least expect it..it comes back tenfold. Amazing how that works out

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Myth or Truth?* The Splintering of BLACK America..*my last* Black History Month 2013 Tribute

I’ve decided to wrap UP my series of Black History Month tribute posts for this year. Not because it is difficult to meet the post a day challenge plus write with content/passion; though it is tough! But because I refuse for my posts to just became..random. Many a blog & article already exists listing notable folks in our/America’s history; I wanted mine to be different. I’ve written on subject matter I’m passionate about..its what I do when I do what I enjoy doing. In any aspect. Ending with this topic because someone has to say IT..and it might as well be me. With love & the highest regard always for my Black brotha’s & sista’s……….Sometimes asking questions can serve as a way to reach others/open one’s 3rd eye/or provoke people to look at self to make a change for the better; IF the shoe fits. So here are a few questions I’ve contemplated. WHY do we, Black folks, continually find ways to divide ourselves? WHY do we think “we” have a right to say what BLACK enough IS? WHO in their right mind thought of the phrase, ACTING White while being BLACK? (this goes hand in hand with sounding  White..wth?! IF one more person says this to me I’ll scream!) WHY is it acting “bougie” if someone wants to get educated, do better, and progress? WHY is it anyone’s business what someone else is wearing on “their” head?! (i.e..wig, weaves) HOW many years is it going to take post-Jim Crow for Black folks to drop the good hair/bad hair/light skin/dark skin hang UPs?

hatersgonnahateDon’t ya’ll think it rather odd that when the phrase@Crabs-in-a-barrel is used; most people just KNOW its preceding a comment regarding Blacks folks?!? As a Black woman I don’t just find that odd; I think its very sad…

WHY were there ANY funky comments about Gabby Douglas’s hair last year?? And why in the HELL were those funky comments from Black folks??!??? At 16 yrs old , in front of a billion! watching people(as IF that wasn’t enough pressure…at 16!) , that young sista became the very FIRST Black woman to achieve the HIGHEST prize in gymnastics. TOP of her game/already faced much adversity in her young, young life; and then! Black folks tried to tear her down! I found that beyond disgusting and UNACCEPTABLE. What are we teaching our youth??? OMG

WHY when Oprah Winfrey has given more assistance in the form of MONEY; than any of us will even begin to imagine or possess..do Black folks continually talk smack about her?! As IF she owed any of us a brand new school ; it is HER money. Jeeeez , if she chooses to make a pile of money in her yard and set it on fire she can. It is hers! Oprah has survived a horrific childhood; and rose above like a rose among weeds…and yet! for some reason the only folks tearing her down are her OWN. (no pun intended…) Shouldn’t we be proud of her? Shouldn’t any American be? Should not she BE an example for anyone Black , or everyone!, that from any background one can reach their dreams & goals? Lawd!

And last but not least…President Barack Obama is BLACK. I’ve grown about sick & tyeeeed of the some of us; that act as IF they’re appointed governors over who IS and is not Black enough. Pfft! All of society views him as what he IS…A Black man. Mixed or not(as majority of us here are; even those of us who won’t admit it) Black IS Black. Exclamation mark. Period.

There was a time when Blacks had each others backs. There was a time when even Sista’s, but especially Brotha’s, wouldn’t walk past each other without nodding. Or something! Brotha’s still do it with one another; and with me lol! ..but why is so hard to do the same with Sista’s? Just because we don’t know one another; doesn’t mean we’ve got to act like strangers. And NO amount of money or possessions a person makes; makes you any BETTER than anyone else. Wise folks know that when you’re good to others, in sincerity!, it comes back tenfold to you. Its called helping others WIN; and in doing so you win. It is just the way it is…And isn’t the world a much better place when everyone looks out for one another?! Isn’t that the way it is supposed to BE? IF we look out for someone today; IF we need it tomorrow it will be returned. In my heart of hearts I feel when things were really, really bad for Blacks..they stuck together. Like glue. And family meant so much back then! ALL we had was  each other in those days…Look at the overall state of Black America these days. Take a long look…it has got to get better. WE can do better. I say that often; because I believe it.

Until as a whole we begin to LIVE ; what is preached at the pulpit..then matters will continue to decline. I’d like my future grandchildren to be born into a country; that Black men aren’t non-existent. I’d like my future grands to be born into a country; where the numbers of Black men in prison is less than in college. Far less…I’d like my future grands to be born into a country; where Blacks encourage each other to WIN. Help each other even after so called *making it big* themselves. Instead of stepping all over one another to get to the TOP. Its very uncool and it just isn’t right. We are one people. One race. The Human race…I’m sorry I’ve just tired of hearing the awful stats regarding US. I embrace & love ALL people; but I can’t lie I’ve a special bond/affection! for those I look like! (even THOUGH many of ya’ll keeeeep asking me what I am; I am BLACK not Puerto Rican, not Latino,etc ) We can and must do better…The good thing about this life? Where one is today; doesn’t have to be where they stay. Translation= There is still HOPE for things to change in a positive manner. But first one, or as a people, have to admit! there are issues…Nothing changes; until something changes. Exclamation mark . Period.

 

Until I write ya’ll /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)

 

 

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., Motivational!, Post a Day 2013

*50 Fabulous Things About Turning 50* ..

1. #1 thing about turning 50 is that I learned & am living that with GOD and LOVE in your life..nothing is impossible. Absolutely nothing at all.

2. I am going to have the BIGGEST party of my entire LIFE for my 50th this summer..Couldn’t be more excited about that!

3. I’ve got far  more than 50 loved ones(including both of my parents!) /close friends/dear friends that are still living whose company I can enjoy/laugh with/hang out with/hug/kiss/talk to. NO material object on earth can compare..

4. I can recall when the majority of music involved lyrics that meant something; they just don’t make that type of GOOD music like backintheday.

5. I was around to enjoy(and then enjoy with my sons..) playing games as a family that involved the ENTIRE family. Not like the 1 or 2 player video games or internet games. Card games like Monopoly, Scrabble!, Trouble, Headache, Uno, Twister(wow what fun!) , Hopscotch, Jumprope(do little girls even do these things anymore???) Oh , how I bet parents out there wish gifts were as cheap now as backintheday…and the time spent as a family? Priceless

6. Taking to heart “my word is bond” & living by it daily. And expecting the same from those in my circle of friends/loved ones. Anything less is unacceptable. The results? Dependability rocks!

7. Focusing on things I can DO and not things that I can’t do anymore..I can still do front flips/cartwheels/the splits!/handstands/touch my toes with ease/see my toes with ease lol!

8. I’m stronger, wiser, BETTER than I’ve ever been..and ever is a very long time

9. Recall fondly the days when mobile phone meant walking around with a corded phone..and the cord was LONG enough to wrap around 4 city blocks! Dang sure didn’t have to worry about the battery running out in the middle of a steamy conversation..

10. Recall the days when leaving a cell phone at home did not  felt like leaving behind a limb! Matter of fact I’ve never left home without mine…anyone out there remember when we used to wait till we got home to discover what we didn’t buy at the store??? Today’s convenience is something I’ve grown to love but there is a certain beauty in being able to recall  the good ole days..

11. The saying about women peaking in their 40s is a LIE..I’ve yet to reach mine.

12. No chronic health issues or meds needed . No batteries either! And thanking GOD/my lucky stars/and trying to do all I can to maintain good health. If there is one word of advice for the youth that is worth gold it is.. take care of your body daily. And FLOSS after every meal..

13. I’ve no enemies..that I know of anyway! I greet even strangers like they are friends. And I treat my family & friends like GOLD. Its returned 10fold..

14. I can /and do speak my mind freely…

15. Still have most of my marbles left and no memory loss issues; or least I think so. Lol!

16. Got over the stage of thinking “I know it all”, whew! Now I’ve learned that the more I learn the more there is to learn…I’ve aligned mentors(even some that don’t know they are my mentors in any subject area I want to learn more about) Another tip for the youth= Attain mentors; you’ll need them.

17. Learned not to give unsolicited advice. Sort of…still working on fully mastering that.

18. Finally learned to be a “glass is half-full ” type of person; instead of the opposite I once used to be. And technically the glass is always FULL…unless you’re in a vacuum of space. Yep, google that one..

19. One gets OLD; when they stop playing/being playful/ or knowing how to play. I am never going to get OLD; just older & better

20. Dancing! becomes an art that when the music comes on your body just takes over & disengages from the brain. So dance, dance, dance and dance; even if it means you’ve got to dance by yourself. Dance!

21. I learned the hard way that the email “reply all” button…can yield embarrassing results IF you don’t intend to use it. Be mindful when replying to ALL emails..

22. You can learn anything at any AGE. And I’m hoping I also learn you don’t forget how to do things just because you’ve not done them in a while…more on that when I finally do IT

23. Maturity means= Even up to my 40s I took life so seriously! (especially when I was co-raising sons) Finally as I’m closing in on 50 I’m laughing more daily than ever before..

24. 50 really doesn’t feel anything like I thought 50 would feel like when I was in my 20s or even my 30s..50 doesn’t feel OLD as I thought it would at all. 50 just feels fabulous!

25. I’ve learned to drop my fears…bad things are going to happen cause life happens. But I’ve been over/under/around/and THROUGH such mindblowing, deeeeeep valleys/and just downright shiiiite and survived that its given me confidence that there isn’t much I can’t handle or live through. There is much comfort in knowing/feeling that

26. I’ve learned that sometimes NO answer is about as good as it gets. And that is just fine..I used to think life was all black and white. Or I’d just have to know the answer to the many questions I ask(I’m inquisitive by nature) But I’m learning that isn’t the case. Gray area does exist..and sometimes you just have to let things GO in order to get to the next level. And sometimes? After you let it go; the answer finally becomes clear

27. I try very, very hard to put principles BEFORE personality. This was something a very dear friend on the West Coast taught me…priceless lessons he taught me. There are times we have to interact with folks that we do NOT agree with on a consistent basis. Or something about them is so different from our beliefs/behavior…Agreeing to disagree alot works in these situations. Or in some cases just giving in works too …and this is necessary sometimes if on a team(for lack of a better word) worker towards a mutual goal. Might not be easy to understand now but when you get into situations as I’m referring to; you’ll understand

28. Small stuff DOES matter! Time spent with my parents. Priceless. Time spent doing labors of love; like a garden for my Daddy. Priceless. Time spent chatting with old friends on the West Coast. Priceless. Time spent over a quick lunch with new friends. Priceless. Laughing with new/old friends or loves ones. Priceless! Watching the sun rise. Absolutely priceless..Life is full of moments that we just have to stop to enjoy

29. Simplify. Simplify. SIMPLIFY. That IS the word of the day. Every day…

30. I’ve learned to COUNT my blessings every single day..and testify whenever possible to whoever will listen. I find myself doing this more than I ever thought I would..never thought I would actually.

31. I’ve always been a dreamer. And I dream BIG..as I near 50 I’m DOing more things I’d always said I’d DO. Living ones dreams is better than living to dream. Not getting any younger and there is NO time like the present

32. The things that yield the best results in life= Do NOT get caught up in gossip. It can be lethal…So be fair. Be HONEST. Be consistent. Be GENEROUS. Be Trustworthy. Respect others and yourself. And smile alot! It is contagious..

33. I’ve learned it is better to be KIND than RIGHT..another very close West Coast friend taught me this. And he was so right…

34. I’ve learned a broken heart can mend. Over time. Alot of time. I’m praying though I don’t have wait for mine to mend ever again though

35. Admitting you don’t know how to do something yields better results than pretending you do! The good news? Usually , or least has been the case with me, you’ll quickly find after admitting it someone will teach you what you didn’t know. I love IT when it works out that way

36. Generic store brands? Just as good as the name brand more expensive versions. Saving money is awesome!

37. Saving for a rainy day or necessity(like a new car..) just makes sense. Saving pennies or even coins does add up…Literally

38. Wear what YOU like to wear & what you feel you look best in. I never was one for following “fads”….bottom line is DO and BEing yourself just feels great. I don’t want to walk around looking like a carbon copy of everyone else..

39.Compliment. Compliment. Compliment! I always let people know I like what they’ve got on or a new hair style. Why do we think these things but don’t say them out loud? Saying them usually brings out a smile..

40. Be early. Saves alot of frustration and stress from rushing to get to places

41. Floss! I can’t say that enough…and I might say it for a 3rd time to get to the end of this 50 list

42. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I don’t take myself near as serious as I used to…result? I stopped being my own worst critic/enemy. Discovered it was impossible to reach perfection . I stopped even reaching for perfection. Now I just do my best. At anything I do

43. Stay true to MYSELF. I don’t let anyone define who I am anymore. I like me after long last. Either accept me as I am or move on…and I’ll do the same

44. Failing at some things is normal. If we don’t fail we’re not pushing our own limits. Many people first failed at things , and yet kept striving, are now considered major success stories. Life is full of ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things..I’m one of them

45. Being on time matters. If I can’t get there early I’m at the least on time. Early bird really does get the prize…

46. Floss! Omg its harder than I thought to think of 50 things..but I refuse to not finish this list

47. Not sure when I became a “ma’am”! OMG when I first starting hearing it from strangers I’d look around to see who the heck they were talking to..I’ve finally adjusted to it. Sort of…lol

48. A good debate from time to time is still good for a “rush”; but anything other than that even closely remote to having an arguement is SO over-rated and just not necessary. I’ve grown old enough to know you can talk anything out …even when not in agreement. If I’ve got to fight with you consistently I don’t care to spend precious time with you. Period. And I mean that…I’ve no drama in my life NOR do I want any

49. IF a person judges me, or anyone else, by the type of car they drive /how much money they make/or what they own…they’re NOT the type of person I want to spend time around.

50…Wooooo hoooo I made it to 50. Keeping ones’ word is important to ME. So glad I was able to with this list. Was alot harder than I thought when I chose this topic..but nothing easy is usually worth it.

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

@Celebrate: Being BLACK in America@

February is Black History Month in America…The controversial question that still begs 2 be answered IS= Does America really NEED a Black History Month? And if so, why is it important? Also, is ONE month tribute ENOUGH? For those that are BLACK; aren’t ya’ll BLACK every single day? For those that aren’t Black ; do you attempt to learn anything new regarding Black History during February? One last question I’ll give my views on= IS Black History Month just a “token” given to Blacks to put a band-aid on old wounds? WHY is it so difficult to have a decent, honest, OPEN dialogue about RACE still in America today? ~~~~~ First, a brief history lesson on how Black History Month came to be. Or do ya’ll already know? Oh well , for those that don’t know it began because of the efforts of Dr. Carter G. Woodson & Rev. Jessie E. Moorland. Dr. Woodson was the former son of SLAVES and the SECOND Black person in history to receive a degree from Harvard University. Because Dr. Woodson felt preserving one’s heritage was important he urged the fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, to create ‘Negro History and Literature Week’ in 1920. He “chose” February to honor two men who had a great deal to do with altering the future of Black Americans. President Abraham Lincoln and Abolitionist Frederick Douglas(both men were born in February) Thus the creation of what we now celebrate as Black History Month in America was born…

I’ll briefly answer my own questions I posed earlier..Later, I’ll dig deeper. First of all , NO, Black History Month, isn’t a “token” given to Blacks in America for any old wounds caused by years & years & years & YEARS of slavery…As I’ve briefly explained earlier Black History Month was created by a Black man for Black American citizens to feel a sense of PRIDE about themselves..Something that was badly neeeeeeded when he first worked so diligently to have it created. Next, do I feel America still needs a Black History Month? Yes, I sure DO…Why is Black History Month important? I’ll dig deeper into that later. Aren’t Black Americans Black & proud every day and not just during Black History Month? Well , I sure AM. Every morning when my feet hit the floor and I look in the mirror I know several things for sure. I AM BLACK. I am a WOMAN. I am a loved child of GOD. Not necessarily in that order but being Black is always first…and I make no apologies for that. But later I will try to explain why. And the last question=WHY in the heck is it so very difficult to have an open & honest dialogue(among Blacks , Whites, and any other race/color/creed) about RACE in America??????! Especially when WE all know it is still very much an issue in our country….

For the naysayers, Black and White, who want to keep their heads in the sand; and think RACE issues don’t still exist in our country…Ask President Obama’s good friend Henry Louis Gates, Jr if it does. A highly! educated Black man who in recent years was reminded that NO matter how educated he was/is..he is still BLACK. Not even being the close friend of the President of the United States could save him from public humiliation. Just because WE don’t discuss race issues doesn’t meant it isn’t still an issue…And mayhaps IF we did discuss it more(in a civil fashion..) it could finally begin to solve the issue. Unless you were blind and deaf you certainly have seen RACE raise its ugly head just prior to and since President Obama became President of the United States…I don’t have enough time to list all the ways but ya’ll can google all the incidents/things said/happenings if you don’t believe me..

In my opinion , Black History Month, is necessary to educate ALL American citizens..Quiet as kept there are MANY Blacks who don’t even know their own history! For IF they did why would “some” feel Black History Month is no longer necessary? Begun by a Black man to give Blacks a sense of pride; I truly think it is still needed for that very reason..and more. Mayhaps if other races are educated about Blacks the race issues would cease! As I’ve said many times before we are ALL far more alike ; than different. And often times ignorance about a topic can cause people to have distorted beliefs/thoughts about said topic. Note to parents: IF you’re depending on the American public educational system to teach your child about being BLACK or about other races or Black History …it won’t happen! Get them books, share their family tree with them/ share with them family history stories..etc..KNOWLEDGE is POWER. My sincere hope/prayer is that people are indeed learning something new every single time Black History Month rolls around…As much as I’ve studied Black History including my own family history; I’m still learning new things my dang self. It is closed minds that will take far longer to move past the old ways of thinking…

~~As a person I love ALL people…of all races/creeds/beliefs. As a Catholic Christian I know we are ALL loved children of GOD. I don’t understand how any Christian could with good conscience call themselves a Christian and yet HATE with the level of hate I’ve seen/witnessed/experienced! ; simply based on the color of one’s skin. Matter of fact there is no one on this planet I hate. There are a handful of people I ‘ve run into that I don’t care for; real talk. But I don’t hate them. I just don’t care to spend ANY of my precious time being around them nor speaking of them. And only one of them isn’t Black.. I’m still praying on how to get past that…never said I was perfect.

Quite honestly  in recent years I’ve heard the N word used more by Blacks than anyone else..As a word of affection no less! What kind of shiiite is that?!? You can’t turn a WORD thats past is so negative that Blacks died cause they REFUSED to be called that word; into a positive word. I don’t care if it is JUST a word. I don’t allow it to be said in my surroundings . And I didn’t allow our sons to say it either…the ignorance has to stop somewhere. And I draw the line there. There is enough ignorance about what is or isn’t racism to wrap around our country a cazillion times..For the record there is a difference between racism and prejudice. Every time any of us labels a person by race, unless asked to describe someone by their race, we are exhibiting our prejudice. I’ve got my hand raised high; I’ve done it. And I try to catch myself but I’ve done it…I’m still working on that too. More proof I’m not perfect. In closing my sincere hope is that we can open up honest exchanges about RACE our country…Its past time. We’ve just TOGETHER put into office , for the 2nd time, the first ever Black man in the highest position of our country. That alone wasn’t enough to stomp out racism..Anyone who thought that was going to be enough wasn’t thinking logically. Rome wasn’t built in a day…nor can something so monumental be solved in one day or action. BUT we’re making progress…and that is wonderful! Like any good parent my DREAM is for my sons to live in a country that they are considered EQUAL…judged based not on the color of their skin..but ALLL of their years of education, their experience, their HEARTS, and all of their hard work. I co-raised my sons to LOVE all people and they do! I refused to teach them to hate..What we did do was teach them to be PROUD of who they are. Which includes embracing their Black heritage. One can’t know where the heck they’re going in life; if they don’t know who they are & where they’ve come from. And while I do have  a preference for who will be my love mate/life mate; I’m not racist. Though! I’ve had White guys who have asked me out say they felt that was racist. It isn’t . It is a preference. I just happen to be HONEST about my preference from the jump…Chalk it up to the level of highest respect I have for my highest male role model. My Father/Daddy who is Black..Little girls either are attracted to men like their Fathers or the opposite…I fall into the first category. Think about the preferences people have with who they’re attracted to??? Blondes. Women with big boobs.(even if they’re FAKE) Women with small waists & big butts. Women with small waists/big butts & big boobs! How about women who won’t date a man under 6 foot? Or won’t date anyone that isn’t fit or fyneeeee as heck. My preference just happens to involve skin color. And I absolutely LOVE chocolate skin..and the swagger of a confident brother??? Omg, no substitute for that…. Also, if anyone out there reading this has anything to add or correct me on things I’ve written; feel free. I’m ready to rap if you are…4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~150th Anniversary*Jan.1,2013* of the Emancipation Proclamation~DP PostaDay..Berna’s Way~

~Did YOU know that January 1, 2013 marked the 150th Anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation?  Me neither. I slept it and as a Black American, American period!, that is awful..Thankfully the date is NOT too far past to pay tribute to it here on my blog. I am a very proud Black woman. I am a very proud American. I celebrate life daily and in doing so pay homage to my GOD, my ancestors , my parents, and myself..There is a project in the Black Voices section of the Huffington Post(I’m a subsciber and read it on a regular basis) that is called “Letters to Our Ancestors” It is in tribute to the 150th Anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation. Huffington Post asked leading members of the Black community to share their own letters to their(our) forefathers. With these letters, it is hoped to look back on the progress our community has made & give thanks to those who paved the way for US…They were a generation of BRAVE souls who embarked into a NEW world after hundreds of years of subjugation…You’re free to pull up the Huffington Post site and read the many letters there in the section of this project. For the sake of this post and tribute in my blog I’ve selected a letter from The Rev.Dr . Otis Moss III to post. He is a descendant of enslaved African named “Tinko”. I found his letter to his forefather very inspiring and heartfelt..So I chose it out of all the other letters I read there. This is an excerpt from the actual letter…

A authentic actual postage stamp*….”Dear Tinko, …..Much has been achieved in these post-emancipation years, however, what has been achieved has been hard won by named and unnamed men and women of courage.

I wish you could visit Harlem and hear the songs and sounds of  who took the genius of your contemporaries and created poetic works and literary songs of a new “Negro” renaissance. I wish you could walk the campuses of Tuskegee, Morehouse, Spelman, Howard, and Hampton, and witness ideas blossoming in the mind of the grandchildren of slaves yearning to be men and women . I wish you could witness Marcus Garvey speaking to us as God’s children and not “the wretched of the earth”, or read the essays of W.E.B. Dubois, as he reflects on life post-reconstruction, or sit in on an organization meeting with A. Phillip Randolph as “Pullman Porters” claimed their dignity through organized labor. Atlanta, Georgia the citadel of the genteel south produced a prophet named Dr Martin Luther King, Jr., who forced the Constitution to repent and America to reflect upon her creed.

I know I am leaving out much more:yet, the triumphs are too vast and tragedies are too numerous to count. I must also share an unbelievable moment in our history. Our current President and First Family are people of African descent! As unlikely as it may sound, democracy and history collided and produced a moment you or our ancestors only dreamed was possible….

There are those who claim we live in post-racial society and others who claim we still live in a racist society. I say we live in a race-consciousness society, fearful of class and apprehensive about color. We are NOT post-racial, nor are we soley defined by the social construction of race. We are post-emancipation, but, we are still a pre-promised land nation still looking at the future from the mountain-top and not the plain of realized dreams. Gains have been made in this nation, but the beloved community still waits in the harbor of our prophetic imagination. Maybe ONE day we will reach it but as of now we still dream….

I thank you for your courage this day, and look forward to meeting you one day in our Father’s house, when time and space cease to be weights upon our temporal existence.

Sincerely,

The Rev. Dr. Otis Moss III(Descendant of enslaved African named “Tinko”)

**I found this letter to be close to what I feel to this day….I’ve read books from every single author he noted(starting when I was a child in my own Daddy’s house..) I’ve read in history books, NOT the ones I was given in school, on dates/events the Rev. Moss speaks of..Reading his letter has inspired me to follow up on the family roots(he has done extensive work on “my” family tree:maternal & paternal sides)  that my own Daddy  has  worked on for over 30 years!(collecting data from records from long ago isn’t easy by far)..And I’m hopeful to also encourage/employ my 3 sons to help with completing the task. One needs to know  where their  roots begin. Yep,  including me!/my 3 sons/my future grandchildren. How many of us as Blacks here in America(born & bred here..) know IF we are descendants of slaves? How many of us as Blacks here in America know with certainty we hailed from Africa? Stumbling upon this tribute to the 150th anniversary of the emancipation proclamation re-awakened an internal spark inside me to know.  Mayhaps it just might have also done the same for one of ya’ll reading this. Until I read you/write you stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, BUSINES$, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^Political, ~To B Continued

~~2013 New Year~New DreamsNGoals 2 LIVEoutLOUD~DP’s*PostADay

**2013 COME AT ME because I am so ready…**

First on the list of things to hope for in 2013..I hope to see more people, especially YOUTH,  stop trying to fit your square peg into round holes! There is nothing wrong with being different , U N I Q U E . Granted we all have alot more in common than differs..I don’t care if you’re Black/White/Puerto Rican/Latino/Asian/or Purple, etc .. We were all created as loved children of GOD..or so is my belief. My honest opinion? I think we were created in different colors/hues from different regions/cultural backgrounds 2 keep things/LIFE from getting boring or mundane. One of the beautiful opportunities in this lifetime, or so has been my experience, is to learn about so many different cultures when meeting people! I’m always amazed the many similarities as well in cultures..With an open mind one can broaden their scope of knowledge/tolerance/understanding just by accepting people for who they are. No matter who they are or where they hail from.  Daily my mind is opening wider N wider…real talk. I’m a people person , a social butterfly, with a gift 4 gab. I’ve not met many people that I couldn’t find something to chat  with…from paupers to princes…I’ll( & have! )talk 2 anyone. And the things I’ve learned in the span of my lifetime from people I’ve met, some just met!, has simply been PRICEless.  I’d like to see the YOUTH use less virtual forms of communication(text, email, facebook, twitter, etc…) and actually learn to communicate orally. Face2Face COMMUNICATION is the BEST COMMUNICATION.  exClamation mark. Period. It certainly has its advantages… Alright moving right along here are my predictions for 2013.

The good news. JOBS are finally coming back. According to the National Association for Business Economics, by December 2013 , our American economy should be adding up to approx 174,000 jobs a month. That is up from this years’ 157,000 . Slow but steady is better than the standstill we’d been at.  Businesses are in a holding pattern ; but in much better shape than they were since the credit crisis MESS

Housing market is on the way back upwards…Inventory of  homes on the market is down 20% or more in, many areas of the U.S., from just a year ago. Sales of single-family homes jumped 11% in the 12 months preceding September 2012. As long as the Feds keep buying bonds(so mortgage rates  stay low..) demand should remain elevated. And new construction of homes is making a comeback, finally! For instance I work for an organization that is building MEGA housing subdivisions. Such growth is a very, very good sign …Also each new home built adds an average of 3(three) jobs for a year. The ripple effect? Folks will buy furniture , appliances, etc from retailers for their homes…Bottom line housing starts were UP to an annual rate of 872,000 ! That is the highest since the financial crisis. Those numbers are predicted to rise to 900,000 or higher in 2013. IN addition consumer debt is shrinking. Consumers have been working down their levels of installment debt; coupled with low rates for cars & houses has greatly eased the payment burdens.

Well, its official as of tonight. We’re not going to make the deadline; BUT from the latest rumblings I’ve read & heard on the news the results aren’t going to cause any deeper of a recession…I’ll comment more on this when the facts are solid.

Moving forward…2012 was a good year for me. Progressive in many ways. In a new place after moving cross country(from a state I’d lived in for bulk of my adult life..and that I adore!) I’ve gained several awesome trusted friends here already! Also gained an entire brand new church family(including an awesome crew on the choir..love ya’ll!) that welcomed me with open  arms…I’m thankful to GOD N my lucky stars! for gifting me with a job that I absolutely LOVE/in an excellent organization/with AWESOME coworkers. I see this upcoming year as one of much continued growth for me. I’m excited! I’m loved/adored/blessed and content. BUT I’ve got a feeeeeeeeling that 2013 , the year of my fabulous 50th Bday, is also going to be the year I fall IN love after long last…**2013 COME AT ME because I’m so ready**

Posted in =Self Discovery=, ^^Thought Provoking^^

SETTLE?!? I think NOT; not even at almost FIFTY(yep, 50!)

Settling is NOT an option

Alright I’m on 1 tonight..translation here comes a BIG rant. So buckle up, lean back/get comfy/kick your shoes off/enjoy the smell of the scented candles because I’ve heard the very, and I mean very last comment@when women get a certain age they better think about re-evaluating their options for a love relationship. As IF! and Pfft! It is time 2 respond to all of those comments. Revving UP but I’m coming back soooon and releasing this train of thought. ~2 B Continued~

1st things 1st..DISCLAIMER: 4 the sake of this line of thought I’m going to use examples said by women, some of them married woman. These are actual accounts and not heresay..Know while reading this for me marriage is the ultimate love relationship; so I mean NO disrespect for the viewpoint I’m getting ready to lay down. However, in response to the aforementioned comments this is my response. And I’m more than sure some of my  single over 35 N up sistas/sisters feel the same way..Although I’ve no issue standing alone with this stance. As I have on many of the things I feel. I can only always speak for myself N this is the way I see IT..

Example#1..Some out there might recognize these lyrics. Song by a woman, a Sista!, and one of my fave singers btw..

“Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Aint no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr Wrong”

Ok, what is wrong with this picture?? Well , for starters, everything! This is from a popular song from a popular singer. Mary J Blige. Who I dig, alot. BUT what isn’t coooool is that young girls/teens/women listen to this song probably over and over again. And have we not learned that the youth can be easily influenced by things they hear/see? Heck, grown adults are! It is a matter of what we intake that is negative or positive and the impact that can/WILL/does have on our psyche. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out..that is why you’ll find a great deal of academians aka intellectuals don’t even have a “boob tube” in their house(isn’t called a boooob tube for nothing..) I personally know folks that censor what their children hear/see on the tube /radio, etc…I was one of those parents! I recall vividly being in favor even of ratings on video games backintheday…because I hated! buying/renting a game for our sons and turning it on and it had naked/half naked women portrayed or rap music on them…anywayz I digress. My point IS (yep, there is a point ) when did women begin to lower their OWN standards enough to sing it in lyrics?!? I mean come on now…really? Is this the level we have sunk to??? Has anyone else noticed this is becoming more and more the norm? WHY? I can take a man saying such dribble in regards to women, cause they’re men! I don’t expect them to see it from OUR viewpoint, but now women are saying such things with ease…Lawd!

Example #2.”“I just want someone who’s willing to be in the trenches with me,” my single friend Jennifer told me, “and I never thought of marriage that way before.” Two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes aren’t even straight, and while Jennifer wouldn’t have made that choice a few years back, she wonders whether she might be capable of it in the future. “Maybe they understood something that I didn’t,” she said.”

Ok, what is SO wrong about this picture? A wholeeeee lot. Hope you caught it ; but just in case ya’ll didn’t and I quote”two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes AREN’T EVEN STRAIGHT…” Whoa! What???? This was a totally new one I’d not heard of and yep, this was taken from a real account. Matter of fact I’m pulling from the very text of the picture I used for this post up above..So now it has gotten that bad that women aren’t just settling but they’re settling for men they don’t even believe are heterosexual???? UNdangreal..I am beyond not getting that!

Here are just a few real live comments I’ve heard indirectly and directly on the topic. “Over 40 a single woman might just want to drop some of the things on her list of standards..” this was said by a married woman to other married women. Women I respect btw…”I’d rather keeeeep my wooden nickel, than trade it in for another wooden nickel” this was said by a disgruntled married woman complaining to other women that were complaining about their husbands. My comment and thoughts..I do NOT want a wooden nickel at all! A wooden nickel can’t be spent and is worth nothing to me. “You’re not getting any younger; and neither am I N we both want to get married..” this was recently said to ME  by a man. Hmmmm first of all MY biological clock isn’t ticking. I’m finished forever with having children..my last tick tock was 20 years ago. Sorry,  but I can hold out a little longer. For what? The ultimate prize! A happy, fulfilling, marriage with a man that LOVES me as I LOVE him. And for the record that is how I’m going to say it from now on in my prayers to God..Since I realize that sincere prayers are answered I am no longer just praying to get married. I’ve now added subtitles to that request to God. Had to apparently…but anywayz here is another one. “Over 40 and with 2nd or subsequent marriages you no longer marry for love..you marry for security”..this was said to me by a male friend  about a year ago who is on  his 2nd marriage. So then I asked him. “Does your wife know that you married her so  you wouldn’t grow old alone or does she think you married her because you loved her?” I mean IF we’re going to keep it real than that should go both ways. I’m sick and tyeeeed of people giving advice and YET they don’t /haven’t followed it themselves. Isn’t that what they call a hypocrit? Not that I mind folks experienced in something that I’ m not giving me great advice..I welcome it! But let it be something that was actually something experienced by the advice giver…for otherwise you trivialize my situation. In my opinion anyway.

And what is the harm If I want to hang around waiting on the ONE long enough to collect dust on myself anyway? Why do folks seem to feeeeel they have to comment , critique or give advice? I certainly haven’t asked for any, yet. Matter of fact all I’ve done is stated quite openly the goals I set for myself regarding marriage. A date. An expectation I have for myself when I’ll be engaged by…however there is no expiration date on it. At this point I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Now, I don’t know if that is how I’ll feel if I’m still single mid 2013. Matter of fact as sensitive as this issue has gotten to me lately I don’t know how I’ll feel about this topic an hour from now. As with anything in this life, or least mine, sometimes at the end of the day..especially late in the day..sometimes I myself from time to time doubt goals I’ve set for myself. I am after all my worst critic. I do after all push myself very hard. Very. I’ve often set goals so steeeeep that I was disappointed/crushed when I couldn’t even on my tippy toes reach that high..but isn’t that what goals are suppposed to B? Something to make us reach higher?  To motivate us to not get…complacent? A way to make us constantly strive to do, better?  I could be wrong(wouldn’t be the first time) but that is the way I see IT at this phase of  my life journey. Knocking on 50 I’m still doing all I can to hang onTO my dreams that I left home holding at almost 20 yrs of age. And one of those dreams was to be part of a union, a marriage!, as loving as the one in which I was born into. A marriage which I knew, my brother knew, everyone knew, that come helllll or high water thru all the UPS N downs my parents would stay 2gether and IN love. Forever. It is where I learned the term LIFEmate from. My own Daddy said that long ago about my Mom. WOW. What little girl who heard that wouldn’t keeeeeep reaching/attempting to achieve that? How can said little girl all grown up settle for anything less??? Answer is, she can’t/won’t/simply refuses to settle for anything less than love. And it would be nice, soooo nice, to hear that other women respect and encourage that. I have a cousin that waited single for YEARS, without dating because her standards were that high. I won’t say how long she waited but it was longer than I hope I have to wait! But she had faith in God that her “one” would find her without her having to settle for less. I don’t think she knew, although I was dating at the time, how much I respected her for that and so much more. I should’ve told her..but I didn’t. I do now though because I can relate. We say as Christians we have faith. I hear things like , stand by your faith. Grow your faith stronger in God. Matter of fact this is the Year of Faith in my church. Well, I’m trying with all my might to stand on  my faith in alot of things. Alot. And every day, instead of getting easier, truth B told it is getting harder. I really needed to write this out to work it out..I pray/hope there is a young women out there reading this that is in the same situation I’m in. I want her to know it can be done. Or least it can be attempted even at almost 50 yrs of age..Try hard to stand fast in your beliefs. Your dreams. Your goals. Take it one day at a time step by step driving forward to gain them. And for heavens sake have FUN and laugh, laugh, laugh, and love. love, LOVE  along the way. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 n only)

 

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~Poetry A Berna Original~

@It is the Simple Things that are priceless..

~~IT’S THE SIMPLE THINGS

WHEN THINKING OF WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST

MY MATERIAL “THANGS” DON’T EVEN COME CLOSE

THANKFUL EACH N EVERY  MORNING I OPEN MY EYES

EAGERLY I RUN OUTSIDE TO WATCH THE SUNRISE!

NATURES’ WONDERS..ONE OF GOD’S SWEETEST GIFTS

2 US

PLUS

DOESN’T COST A SINGLE  DIME

STOPPING 2 SMELL THE ROSES IS PART OF MY DAILY GRIND

THOSE LITTLE PLEASURES THAT EXCITE ME TILL I’M ON FULL

HAS TAUGHT ME 2 NOT SWEAT SMALL STUFF~NO TIME 4 BULL

FOR REAL!

STILL..

A DAILY CALL FROM MY MOMMA IS A PURE DELIGHT

OR DADDY BUZZING ME..

JUST 2 MAKE SURE MY HEADS’ STILL SCREWED ON TIGHT

USED TO TAKE THESE THINGS FOR GRANTED

BEFORE MY FEET WERE FIRMLY PLANTED

NOW HIGH ON MY LIST OF ADORATIONS

R MY SONS MANY “TEXT” ABBREVIATIONS..

“U’RE ON MY MIND MOMS N I LUV U”

CAN QUICKLY FLIP MY MOOD WHEN I’M BLUE

OH ITS THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS

THAT MY PUREST JOY CLINGS

FEELING SO HECKOFA  AWESOME IN MY OWN SKIN

KNOW XACTLY WHERE I’M HEADED N WHERE I’VE BEEN

AS EACH NEW DAY IS BORN COMES A NEW OPPORTUNITY

TO SHARE LOVE N LAUGHTER~WHILST PROMOTING UNITY

*PRICELESS AND IRREPLACEABLE THINGS THAT MONEY CAN’T BUY*~~An Original Berna Creation , Jan 2010

I recently, very, had a conversation with someone N I said.” I AM  a complex, multidimensional person. I AM a person who is a compilation of  ALL that I’ve been thru/experienced  since birth till now N survived. Years back I thought I wouldn’t live to see 50 yrs of age and yet! here I AM knocking on the door of 50 yrs of age. Having lived thru some things the average person may not have survived. N yet! I think I AM an average person trying to do extraordinary things. I feeeel I AM different &  uniquely created to be ME”  And their response was, “But is that good way   2  describe  yourself to someone who doesn’t yet fully know you?” My response. “I think it is, because it is makes UP who I am. And it is the TRUTH as I see it because I know MYself”.. I mean sure it would have “sounded” better to say I’m a simple person with simple needs; or would it?? Personally? I don’t know that I care to spend much time around people who are simply “simple”. And yet I guess it would depend on what ones’ definition of simple IS. After all I’ve lived long enough to discover that as individuals we can often times have different descriptions of things.  Sometimes altering definitions to our own circumstance or situation.  Yep, I’m having some deep thoughts this morning and trying to work through it doing what I love best..writing  it out. So please bear with what I’m almost certain will be a ton of run-on sentences. Understand that is how quickly my thoughts are flowing, in every way possibly imagined, and I’m just thankful I can type @ 90 wpm to keep UP with my…..thoughts. So anywayz as I sat to write at my usual Odark thirty time frame I found myself yearning for what I said I’d work on getting to a couple years ago. Simple things. I dug up this poem I wrote over 2 years ago to prove to myself I had indeed come to a time N place in life that I yearned to appreciate , Simple Things. I want to get back 2 that and have promised MYself  this morning that I’d take a minute to reflect on this week N the simply beautiful things I’m thankful for.

And so earlier this week I took “time” to call my EXmominlaw on her birthday. A woman who has meant & does mean so much 2 me. She stills calls me daughter and I still call her my 2nd Momma….I made sure I called her during my lunch break so it would be early her time. California time. I did not want a good part of the day , her day!, to go by without personally wishing her a happy Bday. Simple things like that matter 2 me..the little things that say I care! I could’ve sent a card. Or a gift card. Or flowers. But I wanted to actually hear her voice. In a world in which I feel has become less N less personalized I still strive to give personal parts of me to loved ones. And it is what I yearn for in return. But anywayz I called her. Her joy in me calling on HER bday was tangible. I could feeeeel and hear it thru the phone. It was warm! It was sincere. IT was genuine.  And I let her talk..I was straining to hear her as I dodged people in a crowded Mall frantically trying to get to the food court because I was starving! Yet, there both of us were. Connected, thank God, by a cell phone connection that I thanked my lucky stars didn’t disconnect. Gotta love Verizon! As I listened to this woman talk who I’m no longer connected to legally ..Who has known me and I her for over 23 yrs..A woman who tho I’m no longer with her son LOVES/ADORES me I realized how much of a blessing that IS. For here is a person who has seen me grow N grow, watched my sons grow N grow, and herself grown N grown…and the love is sooooo strong it can be felt thru a cell phone connection. It warmed my day to warm her day!  2 spend TIME with her even tho there were a ton of people around me in that Mall and I struggled to hear her. We both gained a mutual satisfaction from that “simple” phone call. And yet when I called I was just calling to make sure I gave her what she deserves. A personal phone call instead of an ecard/card/flowers/gift card/plant/or expensive gift sent in the mail. I gave her something far more priceless and gained from it MYself. WOW.  To give a little bit of oneself totally for another can result in a warm, fuzzy feeeeeeling for the giver.  Go figure! And so even though I recently find MYself pondering if and when I’ll truly have TIME to invest in a lifemate that I so desire should he come crashing suddenly into my world…I think in working thru those thoughts as I, write, that someway somehow! I’ll find the time..I want to leave U and myself with that final thought on this topic. Lets find the TIME 2day to simply spend time with those we love and care about. Period. Til I write again stay UPlifted N always remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one n only)