Quite often pondering over deep questions can help us search inside for our own answers and meanings..Thought I’d drop this question to see how y’all weigh in..Of course , as usual, this was inspired by an actual conversation! How can people believe in truths without evidence? Later, I’ll add my 2 cents worth..
There is no fail-proof manual that comes with raising children…Know why? Because no two children are alike, not even twins, let alone siblings..What I do feel IS universal is parental love..My free flow of thoughts on this near & dear topic is dedicated to my parents… These are a few things I think every child should hear from their parents at least once in their lifetime>>>
I love you always! Unconditionally. From the womb & forever..
I am proud of you!
What do you think? Or, what is your opinion? (and then listen..)
Thank you! (whenever applicable..)
I am human..(we must teach our children, at all ages, it is ok to admit fault & try again..)
What defines us to ourselves? Is it our intentions? Is it our thoughts? Is it our actions? Is it our attitude? Is it our outlook on life? Some of us don’t like to admit it(hand raised high in the air! ) but we want our existence to be remembered..I think we all want to matter..We want to define ourselves with something that is LASTING..Whether it is a published book, successful business or goodwill towards others..Some of us also pour a great deal of the best parts of ourselves into our children..I’ve very guilty of that! Why? Because they’ll be my living legacy long after I’m gone..Yet, isn’t it the little moments quilted together that define us? I believe it is..
Who we spend time with defines us>> Who we keep close are the people that will most influence us..When I close my eyes & reflect on the BEST moments of my life? More times than not those were moments that had someone else in them..Someone close..Dear ‘trusted’ friends who have been there for us in all types of weather..Family members who love us unconditionally to the very core of our being..And those we’ve loved deeply , who care for us even after seeing us at our worst..I’ve learned & am still learning to be ‘conscious’ about who I spend time with ; for they have a say in defining us..Many moons ago I used to tell my sons pick & choose your friends wisely! At 51 years of age that still remains true..Mayhaps even more so now>>
Acts of Kindness>>Corny as it sounds it can make a loved ones’ or stranger’s day! We aren’t always aware of the impact our simple presence has on others..A smile…An unexpected tip(recently happened in my world that I tipped someone whose establishment provided horrific overall service) A comforting ear..A hug..WE have the power to restore someone’s faith in humanity..
We choose our perception of the World>> I heard someone say very recently that the world is full of mostly evil people..Made me a little sad that they’d feel that way..I quickly realized I couldn’t change their mind..I think it is an individual decision we can choose to make every minute of the day..Is the world revolving around us or can we step out of ourselves & see the world from a more realistic viewpoint? If we can’t ever see the world from another’s perspective what does that say about us? There is alot to be said for that old adage@ Walk a mile in my shoes..>>
Addressing naughty habits>>I found myself saying , just today, perfection is boring..There are many things we may dislike about ourselves..None of us are above anyone else..We are human & will make mistakes..Throughout our lives we forms habits, attitudes and even addictions that can be detrimental, but to let them define us would be the greatest misfortune..We must and should strive to dust ourselves off, do better, work on self-improvement/progression and move onwards and upwards>>
What have been some of your life-defining or life-altering moments? Who have you chosen to BE?
Ever read something that seemed to scream off the pages & reverberate off the walls??? Mayhaps it is the phase of life I’m in..Now that I’m one year post-50/very empty nester/divorced; the words of this quote speaks volumes to me ..Ten years ago it probably wouldn’t have..Things were different then..Heck, I was different then! So when I read such deep words from someone who accomplished remarkable things that changed our world/daily life, yet died before 60 years of age..Cliche as this is going to sound; it makes me pause mid-stroke(keystroke that is..) to ponder my own truths..@Am I the person I want to become? Have I accomplished as much as possible , within means, in my life to this point? When will I switch up from thinking outside the box to actually walking outside the box?? Either life is moving faster in the Fabulous 50’s or I’ve become more cognizant of how precious time is now…
Presently working on a piece, per request(sort of..), about the sometime and often masks worn in our day-to day lives..And though I’m not yet finished with it; brought to mind, this work of art I discovered and then re-discovered last year..I’d promised I would share it then & somehow never did..Anyone else out there getting that caught UP in lifes’ oh -so-busy hamster wheel??? Anywho this was written by a brother who goes by the name of Woe..He’s a semi-retired musician and also one of Esquire’s best-dressed men. He’s posted his rants and musings on a delicious website geared for Black men..I truly aspire to write from the gut plus personal experience , with my own style as he’s clearly mastered. So much of his musings I can relate to! Enjoy>>
**The Masquerade Is Over** By Woe
Every working morning, for as long as you can remember, a stranger’s face has stared back from your bathroom mirror’s reflection. Occasionally, your eyes make contact when it glances back at you. The brief cold of a ghost’s presence. A momentary acknowledgment in the rear-view mirror…as you are chauffeured along in the backseat that has become your life. Like a laugh, too loud, from the back of a movie theater. Like a telling string dangling from a magician’s sleeve. A fleeting reminder…that Everything Is Not In Its Right Place.
We commute from one social landmark to the next, like falling debris. Careening wherever the winds of opportunity take us, as pieces of ourselves are smashed against the shore. Against the waves, we are anchored by our titles. Anchored by our degrees. Secured by the weight of social status. Bound to the sense of privilege which will eventually sink us when we no longer have the will to keep up. The constant pressure to tread water. The unsubtle urge that we are not doing enough, if we aren’t doing more than those who are in the lanes next to us. The guilt of having the world on our plates, as we grow to despise it more with every force-fed bite.
On the way up the ladder, life is like a back-room card game…and we’ve been taught to wear a poker face. A mask that says: “I want what you want.“…”Everything is fine.” and “Of course. How much further backwards can I bend to help you?” with one glance. Underneath, the eyebrows furrow. The inner fists clench, and the grin begins to grimace. A voice says to you: “…you know, if you keep making that face, it’ll stay that way.“ In response, you laugh to keep from crying.
How much longer can we pretend? How much more of ourselves will we burn out, while wasting away as fuel and fumes for someone else’s engine? A slumbering leviathan; your true purpose brims below the surface. Announcing itself like a telephone that rings endlessly; stopping only when your fingers encircle themselves around the receiver. Like a recurring dream that holds the Answer to Everything. It’s silhouette slender and shrugging behind the curtain of your eyelids. Always on the verge of whispering the punch line before you awake.
For some, there is comfort in the linear life. For some, the adulation that comes with a nameplate and corner-office is sufficient sustenance. They want it so bad, they might cry. This is the prescribed and pre-arranged method to happiness. Perhaps they aren’t plagued by the ever-present sense that they were made for something better. Perhaps they are, but choose to paint within the lines nonetheless. Maybe they’ve opted to compete for the inconsolable consolation prize: a successful but unfulfilled existence.
If you’re frightened, you can be. It’s okay. But one thing becomes clearer every day. The more of ourselves we allow to be smothered, the less of us there will be when we finally come up for air. A day will come when you decide to claw your way out of the deep sleep. A day will come when you decide to stop living as a facsimile. The masquerade is over. Make sure they see your face.
I was planning to join (& write..) the zero to hero wordpress challenge..And then life happened..Ever notice how even the best laid plans can be interrupted? That is more than just an age- old cliche..Got news today that has my thoughts circling..Tried to put pen to paper to let it flow poetically(which is usually how I vent the best) ; but my heart isn’t in it. >>
The news I got today was about a very, very good family friend..One of my Dad’s dearest/closest/best friends & someone I consider special indeed..One of those people who serves others(including running a program to feed the needy) almost every, single day of the year..When tragic things happen to such people? It truly tests my own faith..I’m struggling right now to understand WHY bad things happen to such good people..And all the while through my struggle this day, I’ve been in silent prayer..All day long. But it is still so very tough>>
Truth of the matter is none of us knows what is around the bend..My exMominLaw used to tell me that & in my youthful naïve nature; I didn’t understand. Now that I’m all grown UP and seen/lived so much more; her words make much more sense..Life IS precious! So many clichés & adages are flooding my mind right now..I’m sure most of y’all reading have heard them all..BUT how often do we stop during the day to appreciate life as healthy , somewhat sane and normal (although my definition of normal has changed as I’ve aged..) people? How often do we give thanks to our Creator for allowing us to live/love another day? Gratitude..Gratitude for good health & excellent healthcare!..Serving others..Spreading love..Appreciating our family/friends every single day! ..PRAYER..Those are the new phrases I’m adding to the so-called sentiment for 2014..Life isn’t a right, it is indeed a privilege; and in an instant it can change drastically..LIVE* LOVE* LAUGH*>>End of vent<<
UPDATE= Seems like a dozen days have passed since yesterday, when I wrote(or rather vented this) Waited till after further tests revealed there will NOT have to be a second surgery! That is awesome news for someone in their latter 70s(a very active 70something)..No one wants to hear they have a couple of brain clots..And it was highly disturbing to hear it about someone I consider a loved one..The doctors are 80% optimistic of his recovery chances and! he’s able to speak and is FULLY coherent..The lesson I learned is that is it harder to let go of concerns and just let GOD; than just saying IT. I also learned that this was a blessing in disguise; worst option would’ve been for the clots to cause a stroke or worse..Much as I stand by my faith/believe in God/and speak of having faith? I was walking a shaky line of uncertainty yesterday..Silently I was asking God WHY, why , why and why some more..Had friends pray with me and from coast to coast praying; for a person they didn’t even know. What a demanding/taxing friend I can BE..Yet, I’m elated my friends(including WordPress readers!) always, always come through for me(no matter what I ask them to pray for/about) Thanks be to a remarkable God for everything! >>*The official end of my vent*
Something happened very recently, and I heard of it today, which brought this topic to mind..And I can’t let go of it..So figured I might as well write it out here. I thought about adding a disclaimer first so as not to offend anyone..But decided against it. These are my raw feelings on the matter of Faith..Based on my beliefs and experiences. Before I dig in let me give a brief, brief personal background ..Yes, I am a Christian. I’m a very active & involved practicing Catholic. Exclamation point. Period. Moving right along>>
Recently death has knocked on the door of my life. In my immediate family. In my loved ones immediate family. In my friends/coworkers families. In my church sisters/brothers families..I’ve been known to say I don’t deal well with death. Not to say anyone does; but I really don’t. I never know quite what to say; although my immediate reflex is to nurture & comfort. I’m old enough to know death is a natural part of LIFE..And as a Christian I’m supposed to trust 100% that it is God’s will being done & he’s calling his children home. Right? Sounds good. Looks good in print..But why then am I so heart-sick when a loved one dies? Why do I get heart-sick, especially when hearing someone has lost a parent? Why is the first thing that comes to mind when that happens..’God please don’t let my parents DIE anytime soon. I’m not ready! There is so much I’ve yet I want to spend time doing WITH my parents. IF either of my parents were to die soon I will NOT be able to handle it‘..>>
I profess to love God with all of my heart & being. And I do! My faith in God has grown from a mustard seed ; to a mighty big forest! And yet..this one area@ Death? I admit I’m very shaky..Very. Is it worse to lose someone unexpected to death? Or does it hurt just as bad either way? I’ve heard varying stories on both sides of that coin. I’ve tried my best to talk about this topic to get a deeper understanding..But still the thoughts that prevail in my mind when it becomes personal? ‘God please don’t let my parents or my sons DIE anytime soon!’ Each time the subject comes up , I’ve added more onto the list..>>
I’ve experienced spiritual awakenings that were as REAL to me as real can get..I am a Believer..I’ve trusted in God to take the reins of my life this past couple years..With remarkable results. I am a Believer! And yet? I admittedly struggle with this subject matter @ Death. My questions have questions. I’m feeling guilty because I’ve so many questions. Why do we grieve for our loved ones IF we’re truly Believers? Does that mean one isn’t a Believer 100% if they grieve? Shouldn’t WE rejoice that our loved one has gone onto be with Our Creator? >>
Again for the record I’ll say it one more time..I Believe. I Believe in God. God hears my prayers; and I pray ALOT. I Believe in miracles; I have lived a couple myself. I’ve held a miracle baby(our youngest) in my own hands(3 lbs at birth) I Believe in love & sharing love & spreading LOVE..But I still struggle with the concept of Death..I don’t properly know how to comfort someone who has suddenly lost someone..NO words seem to be enough nor the perfect words to say. I best handle death by not attending funerals..(except for close family or extended family) I realize this isn’t a healthy way to deal with it though..Yet it is how I cope with it. The topic of death has risen in my life once again. Today. Thoughts are swirling around in my head about it; and I pray. ‘God please do not let my parents DIE anytime soon nor my sons nor my X’s nor my X in laws nor my extended family of friends NOR anyone in my life. I’m just not ready to part with ANY of them. ‘ This is probably a selfish way of thinking..For it isn’t my right to deny anyone the chance to move on to greener pastures..And since that IS the case why do we grieve? Which leads me to my last question. Is grieving a sign of being a Believer or not? I Believe therefore I should not grieve? It is no small wonder explaining death to a small child is difficult..I’m a grown woman of 50 & admit I don’t handle it well. Mayhaps no one does. Perhaps death is meant to always be one of the mysteries of this Life Journey..Just maybe it is something we’ll only truly understand when it happens to us. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
I struggled to think of a happy topic to leave as my last blog prior to surgery..And then it hit me! I’ll blog on a topic I’ve come to LOVE. The pursuit of happiness..>>
**Happiness is a direction, not a place** Quote by Sydney J Harris
It is my belief that happiness IS relative..I believe it is based on what OUR expectation of happiness IS..Have you thought about what your definition of happiness IS? And IF not; how can you reach a state of being that you’ve not yet defined? Hmmmm..Well I’ve thought about what my utopic state would be in all aspects. I don’t base my happiness on other folks “appearance” of being happy either..I do NOT believe that money buys happiness nor does beauty..Lets take Halle Berry for example. Voted without a doubt as one of the world’s most beautiful women. And to boot she is rich…Yet, based on some of her actions/behavior not for ALL the tea in China would I trade shoes with Halle. Lest anyone forget she had a hit & run incident in which she left a person maimed! When she showed UP in court with a band-aid on her face, and the victim bandaged from head-to-toe in a wheelchair, I didn’t see view that as a person who was HAPPY. Not as defined by my happy meter. And IF they’d tested her alcohol level that night??? I’m sure that her day in court would’ve ended totally different..For the record? I think Halle is a beautiful woman. (even sans make-up she is beautiful) But in addition I’d like to add EVEN Halle can’t pull off wearing this outfit..Pregnant or not, beautiful or not; this is ONE ugly arse outfit!!! Gets a zero on my happy meter>>
Now there are some that would have us believe that HAPPINESS is a constant state of mind..I firmly believe that is a load of poppycock! Who on this earth is happy ALL the time? I’d like to see what that type of person looks like..So IF you’re out there please hold your hand UP; and post a picture. Please..I’ve lived a long time. 50 years and counting..Thank God for that every single day..Anyways I digress..Long as I’ve lived even the happiest folks I know ; have days they’re in a FUNK. I have come to feel it is a normal part of life..The trick IS snapping ourselves out of those funk-mood-type-of-moments/days. And guess what? WE have the power to do just that. I know because I do it. And IF I can do it, anyone can. It works if you work IT..Works the opposite way as well though..We can downspiral with our thoughts/moods in the same fashion. But when one learns themselves(which I feel is the key…) can change the motion of those negative thoughts when they begin. Some of us have things that can trigger those negative thoughts & by all costs WE must nip them in the bud..I’m an expert on such things for I’ve lived it; and learned to combat it. Happiness IS a direction & that direction can be a constant forward motion>>
Riddle me this..How can any of us truly know what happiness feels like; If we’ve not lived through the opposite feeling? Known as sad moments/events/experiences…Also known as rainy days. Many who truly know me know I simply HATE rainy days! I honestly do..Having lived on the Right Coast(Cali..West Coast still RULES..) for the better part of 20 yrs I’ve not seen a lot of rain. However , I did live through some really rainy blue down days there..On the flip side of that? In my new home on the Left Coast(Ahhh but I’m growing to love it here too..) I’ve seen a TON of rain outside..Yet, because of the frame of mind I’m in now? Even walking outside on the darkest of rainy days; I’m full of laughter/smiles/and JOY..Sometimes one can dance in the rain even when they HATE the rain..It is a force-learned habit..I just refuse to let the unhappy moments take over my life ever again. And IF I can do it; anyone can>>
When is the last time you thought about what it would take for you to BE happy? What is your utopia? And what are YOU doing to make it come about? Did you know that being happy IS a choice we can make? >>
I think most of us FIGHT to be happy..IN a world full of negative images/sound clips/boob tube flicks/unheavenly things going on from America to kingdom come; we’ve NO choice but to sink or swim..We can choose to sink down into the muck & mire OR fight/claw our way on and UPward to happiness. I feel happiness though differs for all of us. Some of us might be happy as a kid in a candy store living in an 800 square foot cute Lil apartment! While others might require a 5,000 square foot house for them to be happy..But I once met folks living on skid row in Los Angeles that were full of laughter & joy & SMILES. I’d not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes..It was a field trip my exMominLaw took me on that I’ll never forget. Taught me, humbled me!, that being happy doesn’t cost a dime. God gives us a chance at happiness every time he wakes us UP. Or so its my belief..My happiness is driven by simple things.* Being a LOVED child of God. LOVE in my life. Security. Peace in my home/Within my family/On my job. LOVE of my career. Strong Personal Relationships with my family & my extended family of friends. LOVE in my life that surrounds me & comforts me. & Peace of mind * Any/Everything else in my life is extra. Took me a long time to realize that. And I am happy. At long last..Well y’all that’s a wrap until post-surgery. I can say I’ll miss YOU all! Miss me while I’m away…Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & BLESSED. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
Don’t 4get to show me some LOVE while I’m away!!! I won’t feel like writing but trust & believe I’ll be reading
....I’m “almost” speechless..Note I said almost..I’d NOT be true to myself IF I didn’t say a few words..But I’ll use brevity(I’m still working on that; even at 50 yrs old..OMG I am 50 years old today..WOW) as I attempt to express(this might be an important thing for our sons to read 1 day/or our unborn grandchildren/or whoever) how I feel right this moment. Or better yet how I felt when I woke UP this morning at O’Dark Thirty on the day that marks the 50th YEAR I’ve been alive..Y’all ready for this??? >>
I’m almost in fear of writing too many words right now..What I am feeling is ALOT of emotions..Alot and very. What majority of y’all reading this do not know IS..There was a time onceuponatime ago; I did NOT think I’d make it to see my 50th birthday! And that is one of the many, many reasons this birthday is so, SO very special to me. I am very elated to be here. Still. Still standing. I am very blessed to be here! Still able to share, and to loveeeee, and to share love, and to try to give, give to others mayhaps a tidbit or 2 from my vast lifes’ experiences that just might make their journey a tad bit easier..(yep, I know thats an awful run -on sentence but right now not feeling like proofing) When I first woke this morning I first thought wooowwww I made IT. I am 50 today. Thank YOU my God for “allowing” to still be here. And then? Now this may sound crazy ; but I don’t care this is true stuff! I began looking at my fingers, my toes!, my legs, I reached up to touch my nose, my eyes, my ears!, I ran to the mirror…I just had to make sure ALL of my body parts were still there & in working order. I just had to SEE if I looked any different at 50 yrs old. I stood there in the mirror thinking , “Ok, this is what 50 yrs old looks like. I can deal with that. I am ready to do this 50s thing!” Now I won’t bore y’all with what came after that..Lets just say I balled like a baby. Nor am I ashamed to admit it. I am that happy. I am feeling that filled with emotion. They say sometimes pictures capture a million words..So I’ve found a few pictures to finish this special post. I’ve got a busy, busy day greeting our SONS at the airport..Yay! They are coming to celebrate 50 years of their Ma’s/Momma’s/Mom’s Life..From as far as California & Michigan; and I’m so excited I can barely see straight. I wish each & everyone reading this a very SAFE and fun 4th of July. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)
..here are a few more I could not resist adding..I got carried away; BUT it is after all my birthday and I can do whatEVA I want today. Lol, lol!
AFTERthought= Because I blog without censoring and honestly without proofing..I tend to from time2time leave something out..So I’m piggybacking myself with this special sentiment..The MOST important & valuable LESSON I’ve learned at 50 years of Lifes’ Experience? Nothing and I mean NOTHING can replace nor even come close to being a substitute for FAMILY and LOVE. Luckily I’m Blessed; so those 2 things come hand in hand in my Life. I USED to take that for granted; until I met folks in my Life Journey who has neither. I’ll go one step further to say this..It was NOT until Life has stripped me BARE and NAKED of all MATERIAL things! that I came to truly! appreciate the things that matter most to ME. When I had absolutely NOTHING , literally had given away or sold allll of my material possessions(car, house, furniture, everything…) except for the clothes on my back(well and suitcases full and a ton of shoes, but everything else) and a very, very BIG box of 50 years worth of pictures of my sons, my parents, my husbands, my extended family of friends..When I had the very least, which was 0, did I begin to feel RICH. And I mean that will all of my heart, my soul, my being. It matters less than a hot dayum what type of car a person drives. Nor how expensive one’s home is NOR how many square feet in their home..Matters nothing to me what brand of clothes a person wears. Or how much one paid for a pair of shoes or purse or jewelry..Or anything. I don’t care how much money a person makes! What I RESPECT and need from those that I love/adore is to know who they are WITHout any material possesion..That to me is what matters. For? There are times in this Life we might just have no material possessions; and we still at those times have to love & respect Self. If WE get too connected to material things! we just might lose sight of that..The things that matter in this Life, I feel, are the things we can NOT see. Love, Fellowship, Togetherness, Love!, FAMILY, Friends & Friends & Friends, Laughter, Smiles! and LOVE.
..These thoughts & this write are inspired by something beautiful, VERY, that happened to happen in my world yesterday..I think the title I’ve given it is misleading, indeed. It won’t be about anything that immediately comes to mind when reading the title. Trust and believe that>>
IF what you’re about to read doesn’t leave you with a warm & fuzzy feeling; then you’re probably DEAD. Now that I’ve got your full attention this is what happened yesterday morning; on my way to church; and totally unanticipated>>
..yesterday. Early Sunday morning..I was driving to church feeling pretty good! Was due to sing a duet with my Mom..Our very first duet! I’d admittedly practiced at home over & over & OVER..I’m sure my neighbors were sick & tired of me practicing that song. So anyways, I was driving along and then stopped at a street light. As I was approaching I saw a very young guy standing on the median..Right beside my car when I stopped at the red light. He was in his early 20s. Instead of holding up a sign that said will work for money or food; he was selling newspapers.(I think its a deal the newspaper has with homeless & gives it to them to sell instead of pan-handling) Now anyone who knows me knows I can NOT hardly walk past anyone asking for money..I’ve always been this way since way backinthedays when I first saw pan-handlers in Cali. I’m not one of those people who “assumes” they are scammers. I think the exact opposite. What IF they’re really hungry? What IF the money I give them will provide the only meal they’ll eat today???? And so whatever cash I have on me; I give . I also feel awful when I don’t have much to give. Which was the case yesterday morning! I only had 1 (one) dollar in my wallet. One rumpled UP wrinkled dollar..Plus I didn’t have alot of time to waste; I was after all at a red light. Dilemma! Do I just give him the single dollar I had? Or turn my head & act as if I didn’t see him inches away from my window?>>
I’ve got to tell y’all that red light seemed as IF it was never ‘EVA going to change to green. Lawd! It seemed like I had forever & a day to sit there trying NOT to make eye contact with him..Having an internal fight whether it would be an insult to give him my 1 rumpled , wrinkled dollar..Can’t even buy bubble gum with that anymore(can you?); let alone a meal. I began to wish I had more to give him. All of the what ifs were running through my mind. What IF that were one of my sons??? What IF it were one of my loved ones? What IF it were ME? I didn’t know what his circumstances were..Didn’t matter! Thoughts upon thoughts running rampant through my mind..Like, there are too many people in our country that neeeeed basics..FOOD isn’t a want. Shelter isn’t a want. Being needed & loved! isn’t a want..Those are needs for me; as well as any other human that exists. I had to make a choice. That frigging forever red light was forcing me to make a decision..And I wished, wished, with all my heart I had more to give than just one funky little dollar. I turned my head. I looked him square in his eyes..My heart melted. My soul cried silently..I sat there wishing I could jump, leap! out my car and give him a big hug..But I feared the light would turn green.>>
..Time seemed to stand still for a minute; as I reached into my purse. Slowly pulled my wallet out & grasped my one rumpled, wrinkled funky little dollar. Seemed like nothing..It was hardly enough! BUT it was all I had to give..I pushed my window to let it roll down..He came closer & I reached out toward him with that one buck in my hand. He reached to hand me the newspaper. I said nothing; just shook my head no. He looked shocked. I was shocked at that..Surely I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t taken the newspaper in exchange? He reached towards my outreached hand ; and; our hands touched. WE connected. For a brief moment in time..Connection with a stranger. He spoke and I realized he was shy..He said, “Is this JUST for me?” Whoa, did he mean my one little crumpled up dollar? Or did he mean the shared moment in time? Did he mean because I hadn’t taken the newspaper? So he could sell it still…I told him I wished I had more to give him! I told him I wished him all the good things he deserved. I told him stay strong for he was a loved child of God. And I was going to say so much more & then! the light changed to green>>
I truly hate to come off sounding like a cliche. Nevertheless the moral of this very true happening is..I think its better to give what little we have; than to not give at all. For what seems like so very little to us; could indeed be monumental to another in need. What IF that one simple act was enough to motivate that young man? What IF it gave him a glimpse of hope in an otherwise grey day or situation? I’d like to think that’s the case. And if that is the case then my one little crumpled UP & wrinkled dollar was worth its weight in gold… What would you have done in the same situation?
..When I woke UP this morning the 1st thought I had was..These are the last days I’ll be 40ish..I’m eager and oh so ready to experience my 50s. NEVER in this life journey did I, of all people, think I’d be capable of embracing my 50s. My story continues; and yep, we all have a story. A story behind all of our lives that makes us who we ARE. As I say good bye to my 40s? I realize how much GROWTH transpired over those 10 remarkable years. WOW, wow, and omg wow. Time really does fly when one is caught UP; living/learning/stumbling/leaping hurdles/crawling under stuff!/and making a way when NO ONE else saw a way around things..The past 2 years? Its moved at warp speed! Good thing after awesome happening upon mind-blowing positive miraculous experiences for me! Whoa, I’ve had to hold on to the imaginative handrail so I didn’t fall or slip..Its good. Life is so good when one opens their eyes & their heart and hands things/all things over to; God. There is no other way to express it. There is no logical explanation. But that is my reality. I stand. I stand. I stand. So the countdown begins to the day I make 50 years of age. I’m thankful , so thankful, for all I’ve lived/loved! so much loveeeee/learned/seen/heard; and last but not least I thank God for allowing me to give life to the most amazing sons a Mother could have. God gifted me with 3 awesome MEN who will love me forever..IF there is but one piece of unsolicited advice I can offer to young married women out there? Try hard to co-raise the same type of MEN you’d be proud to marry. Real talk for real..I could go on & on & on about that topic; but I won’t . Anyways farewell 40s! Goooood bye 40s . Waving bye bye to my forties..Feeling unexpected emotions! Until I read/write y’all again many thanks for reading me this past-not-even-a-year-yet-that-I’ve-been-blogging. I thank YOU and YOU for all that you’ve shared , WOW..y’all have made my blogging experience here on W.P. just beautiful. Very. Thank you sincerely. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Going to try my BEST to writemywaythroughthis..feeling. IF this exercise fails; it won’t be for lack of trying. Ever had one of those days when it took all you could muster; to not free fall ? Can’t say , thankfully! , that I have days like this often…But something I text chatted to someone a little earlier this evening ; made me stop to think..And to just exhale. And! to admit to myself that OMG ..I’ve been on the MOTHER of all roller coasters ride of emotions this past 3 weeks..And this evening I finally allowed myself to CRASH. The something I said earlier in the text chat? (ended like this….)”……..I know God is watching over me n my decisions I think they call this Faith and I really do but I am still human…Very much so”>>>
Feeling a feeling that I can hardly wait to get to the other side of…I’m fighting to get to the other side of it..I’m my biggest cheerleader yet I’m not feeling like having my usual PEP rally tonight..I’ve been known to say I’m my OWN best therapist/my OWN form of self-advertisement/my OWN very best friend; yet tonight I’m wondering how the heck much my GOD thinks I can handle at one time? I mean, really!, how many balls can one person juggle before they crash? I’m just a woman, and one that is far from perfect, and so very human . No matter how much we women attempt! to play superwoman; we have to from timetotime admit to Self we just can’t handle all things by ourselves. I’m feeling that tonight, for a brief moment in time, I don’t wish to be the one holding the reins>>
Riddle me this..Whats the better scenario? Usually being in an UPlifted mood & only experiencing “funks” once-in-a-blue-moon? OR experiencing “funks” so often it comes as NO shock ? Which is easier to handle? I know which I prefer, of course I prefer usually riding on my natural HIGH; but right about now even I can’t seem to shake this monkey off my back. And I’m too! stubborn to just go to sleep to sleep it off..yet. Feeling the need to mark this moment , leave my carbon footprints, so that next time I’m feeling like this(which I pray! is a long time from NOW) that I have a momento left; on how I got through it. My OWN written how-to-get-through-a-funk ! manual…Yep, my own best therapist even for future days. Talk about taking DIY to an entire new level…>>
The odd thing about this day? The totality of IT didn’t hit me till I sat in my car leaving work earlier tonight…Suddenly it was as if my heart was going to explode. I probably shouldn’t have driven like that. I could hardly see past the tears. IF anyone saw me they’d probably thought I ‘d just heard of a death in my family or something tragic..Something earth-shattering. Something life altering. Something emotionally traumatizing. Something jeopardizing my very existence here on earth…I hadn’t just! gotten any such type of news. Not just; but over the past 3 weeks or so? I’d gotten every single bit of that; in bits & pieces..and it slowly seeped out of me on my car ride homes..the bits & pieces flowed like air from a deflating balloon. I think I hit it.. My MAX >>
Mayhaps days like this are meant to B for people like me…So that I don’t forget how blessed I truly AM. How very loved that I am. How very cherished I am. And how good God & life IS..Is that possibly why we are to endure pain? So that we might have that much sweeter days & appreciate the many beautiful moments? IF there was no comparison, what would be the measure for good vs bad moments? Would good times exist without bad times? My perplexed state has me wondering so, so many things..and probably most of them questions that can’t be answered…Just lived. Experienced. Treasured. The good for the preciousness that good in anything provides us. The bad for the meaningful lessons we learn. OR are supposed to be learning & evolving! constantly & consistently. I hate when I’m in a mood that my questions yield more questions..But here I am. Struggling to get to the other side of this feeling>>
The UPshot? Its a GREAT thing I’m single ; for IF I had a man right now..I’d be awful company for him tonight. So hooray! he gets to miss this part of the ride..And tomorrow is a brand NEW day. Tomorrow I won’t forget to bring pain pills to work, again. Tomorrow I will be back to my normal natural high laughing smiling self whose laughter out loud! causes people to say *shush, be quieter!* Tomorrow I will forget the tears I cried yesterday..a release of sorts that actually felt good for a minute. I think every once in a while we ALL could use a good cry..When every pore in our body just feels like SCREAMING; because screaming feels like the right thing , the only thing, to do at the moment. No woe is me’s for me; just don’t have time for that; not tomorrow. Because tomorrow is a brand new day..Tomorrow I’ll leap out of the bed , as usual, ready! always eagerly seeking whatever new adventure unfolds…So I had to put on my be-a-big-girl-panties-tonight..Truth be told its nights like this that I miss! having a man at my side whose loving arms I can fold myself into…I look forward to those times again..Its close! I just know it is. Its time to blow the candles out & lay this day to rest. The good news? I made it & still standing. Knees buckled for a minute, but I think that makes me human. Very much so…Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed for even on days like this WE are blessed. 4 ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Based on the true story(& learned lessons) which is my Life..>>What those that know me personally, that also read my blog(hugs,hugs! , & more hugs) are privy to is that at almost 50 yrs of age; I moved cross country to my parents home. I no longer live there though & have nothing but fond, loving memories from the life-altering experience. What that same group of people knows is that …very shortly I’ll be drafting my very first book. A book I’ve planned on writing for the past-longer-than-I-care-to-mention-number-of-years..Haven’t yet dreamt of the title; it won’t actually be titled, The Long Way Home…and its foundation though based on life(specifically mine..) will be to serve as a guide for other young girls/women out there on their Life Journey..Not a self-help book; but a self-DO book. But anyways I digress for I was driving home yesterday & I got lost..Which led me to the idea of this post. For you see I’ve gotten quite used! to getting lost(with a GPS that I seem to keep on off mode) ; and I think its been the BEST way for me to never forget my way to wherever the heck I was headed in the first place..Heck of a run-on but I can’t break that line of thought UP..In short while some folks feel getting lost OR being lost is a bad thing; for me? It has brought me to where I needed to be; every single time. That might not make sense to y’all ; but it makes perfect sense to me..Question. Do you know what your center IS? Took me almost 50 yrs but I know, and part of me always knew, what mine was/IS..Lets see if I can dig a little deeper & explain..>
^Your “Center”= I’m going to borrow this definition from Wiki..its FAR better than even I can write out. Afterwards I’ll move forward with this post; just want to first make sure y’all are up-to-speed .
**Within each person, there is a “center” where “you”, the essence of who you are and consider yourself to be, is located. It is not a physical place, rather it is where the certainty of your confidence is. When you are distressed, it is good to contemplate this “essence place” in order to reconnect with the calm certainty that is your self.
So “finding your center” means to understand within yourself that the distressing circumstance will pass, you will learn from it, and you will remain yourself. This is important when events make you crazy. When your world falls apart, the “center” of you reassures you that the event will pass, but you are still the same person you have always been.
In religion, this “center” is where you and your God connect. In some religions, this center can be called the soul..it is the “connecting place” between this physical plane and the Eternal. It is a place of calm, a place within you that can give great strength and resolve when you take the time to “return to your roots.” It is the place of refreshing and renewal.
So if you are in emotional distress, “find your center” reminds you that you are stronger than you realize and that you need to reconnect with your God and your essential being.** Moving right along…>>
What I’ve learned is the more in tune with Self I get..the less I give a dang!(and I mean that in the most respectful way..) of what other folks think about what I do/what I say/how I act. Who are they to say what it takes for ME to live UP to my God given potential? To be all the me I can? Its my belief when we let other folks “define” who we are; we become who they! want us to be..Think about that for a minute & let it sink in. I’ll take this line of thought one step further @ When I fully realized what my “center” was/is; the less insecure I became. And? I didn’t fully come to this realization until I came full circle and went home almost 2 years ago.. I was lost (figuratively) until I found myself and my way home…>>
So, as I was saying when I first began this post..I got lost yesterday driving home. Returning from a bruncheon at adored friends house ..and! the funny thing is I’d just, and I mean just told them, oh nooo need to worry about me I know exactly how to get home. Plus, I told them I’ve got my GPS so if all else fails I’ll finally use it..I didn’t want them to worry. Anyways, I went skipping out to my car & bam! almost immediately took the wrong route. Went North on the freeway(they call them highways here; but I refuse! to give up all my Cali terms or way of life..) instead of South. And OMG I had to go for what seemed like forever for a turn-around spot..I’d known I was lost & headed the wrong way about 10,000 miles( exaggeration but it sure seemed like that far..) before I could double back to go the right way..What heck kind of State doesn’t make a turn -around spot sooner than..as far as I’d driven? *slapping forehead* Yep, I’m still getting used to living outside of Cali..As I was driving along admiring all the green , lush(now thats ONE thing this place has over Southern dry brown Cali..) I realized how many times I’d gotten lost since moving here. Then my mind began to wander how many times I’d been lost , period, in my life journey…Times I just felt like-IF-this-or-that-I’d-be-a-little -bit-happier …times that I either still wanted something smaller or bigger..times I wanted either more or less of whatever…times I wanted my loved ones who love me dearly to love me a little bit; deeper..times , when all the world looking IN figured I was totally happy, that I just felt I neeeeeeded something “else” to be totally happy..Yet, I didn’t know quite what was missing. As my eldest son shared with me about 3 years ago; I needed to find my “center”. At the time? I didn’t even know what the heck that meant..>>
Ever feel like something is missing from your life? Feel like a gerbil running around & around & around a wheel; on a daytoday grind of routineness? Wonder what the purpose of life is? I read on a W.P. blog the other day someone said ” Contrary to what religious folks think! ; there is no purposeful meaning to our existence or life. ” WOW , reading this now blows my hair back. Why? Because there is nothing further from the truth..How sad for anyone to feel like that. Wouldn’t their life then be as boring as that gerbil running circular laps around his wheel? Until I found my way home that is how I felt..alot. My oasis in the middle of that jacked UP barren desert? My 3 beautiful Black princes. Not only did they add meaning to my life; without them life just wouldn’t be the same. True blessings from God..Also my beloved & loving parents. When God handed out parents; he gave me the BEST. My right-hand man & co-parenting partner. Actually divorced but I swear we get along better than some of the married folks I hear about..and the list goes on & on..I’ll save some keystrokes by saying my center IS..My family/Mi familia/My extended family of friends. Its them that I think of & smile! on days that I just feel I need a bright light to look forward to or I’ll explode. They are my center. Loving them & being loved by them ..and knowing that their love IS unconditional(that I never , ever have to doubt it..) keeps me grounded. Feeling loved IS the number 1 best feeling on this planet. For me. And yep, it even outranks the feeling of an orgasm. Barely..but still outranks it…>>
These days? I feel alot like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz..Everything seems SO new. Experiences. Projects. Friendships..For I look at things in a totally different manner. I believe its called , Appreciation. I no longer take things for granted. Not only that I’m quite verbal about letting the folks that I appreciate them; aware that I appreciate them. For far too many years I ASSumed folks knew how much I loved, adored, appreciated & even needed them in my life..and while actions speak volumes telling someone these things doesn’t hurt either. I feel a neeeed to express myself these days. In every/any form possible. I say all of this to say this. I am home. Not literally anymore because I’m in my own place now once again. Yep, I’m all grown UP now again. Lol, lol! But I am at home within myself. At long last & finally. And if its taking U a long way to get home? Don’t lose hope for you can get there..if you wish to. The first step will be the hardest step to take. Your feet may feel like they’re stuck in cement..but lift one after the other to step by step & day by day striving to get home. Striving to reach your Center. Striving to BE purposeful and to get the full meaning out of Life. Life might be short; but my days are long & full..Hope yours are also. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Bookmarking this spot..this is a Self challenge to attempt to express where I’m at, in the here & now, this is the best word I can use to describe it…Never been here before yet its a feeling SO beautiful; I only wish I could bottle it up to save some for all tomorrows & share it with all of my loved ones, extended family of friends & y’all..Hopefully before weekends’ end I’ll have penned it..No guarantees on that , for I’ve learned not to rush creativity. Just letting it flow freely..
**Surreality**As defined or re-defined by lil ole me= A state of being in a place ~N~ time in which reality is met full-ON by things I prayed for , dreamt of, wished for!, dared to reach for and most certainly worked hard for… A state of constant resisting pinching myself to check if I’m really awake. A state of dealing even with “crisis” with a brand-new grace-that-isn’t-quite-perfect-but-a-major-improvement-of-the-way-I-used-to-overstress-over-crisis. A state of not being able to complain about a thing! & more often than not. ** Hoping I can get lost in the translation as I mark this place in time poetically..
~~~God brought me out of darkness into rays of sunshine SO bright I have to blink
And walking shakily/steadily! with quickness of pace further away from the brink
Here I stand
Happy! even sans a man
Exhaling Inhaling deeply Taking a moment to catch my breath..
Lacing together all the pieces , the lovely remnants & memories of my life
Please don’t dare wake me if I’m traipsing while asleep
I pray! the Lord my soul to keep
Always in His hands
Here I stand
Trying not to get overwhelmed by the overwhelmingness of it all
Refusing to back up /can’t go back/won’t look back/catch me if I ..
Exhaling Inhaling deeply Taking a moment to catch my breath..
Perfect ,ever so perfect, in my complete & utter imperfection
Waiting patiently, sort of… on my very last Love connection
The final step towards the embrace that will hold me for life
Oh! how I yearn to once again be my ‘the 1’s’ coveted wife
He is close, so close I just feeeel it deep down in my bones
Here I stand
Inhaling all that is good /feeling just like I thought it would except..
Flanked by my beloved parents whose adoring love lifted me UP
Loved all the hurts & pain away
I’m finally having my say
Does life get much better than it is today?
Please, please don’t wake me if I’m traipsing while asleep
I pray! my soul always my Lord to keep
Not afraid anymore ..there is nothing to fear.. ‘cept living UP to my potential
Still a ways 2 GO
Learning along the way, loving! all in my path. Main lesson? GOD is essential
Here I stand
Smiling even when I feel pain ,knowing, that too will pass
One has to know pain to truly appreciate joy in this life
I swear I can see the light
This time and place seems so surreal
My excitement I can’t hardly conceal
Lusting for life and all that it brings
Most days my heart is full..I just feel like singing!
Here I stand
Exhaling Inhaling deeply Taking a moment to catch my breath..
Breathing in my surreality~~~
This topic comes to y’all by special request..Prompted by a post a loyal reader read that I made on another post recently. Just happens to be a topic I adore..Wish I’d have thought of writing on it myself. I’ll be back soon enough with my take on it & its going to be well worth the wait. My uncensored inner most thoughts about my favorite topic. Love…***>
Ever meet someone & everything is going perfectly, too perfect. They’re looking yummy, smelling yummier(lawd!) , body is a dream come true, and a smile that melts your heart? And then in an instant that perfect picture is ruined when they begin to …talk. >
I’m sure many of you reading this can relate from the school of hard knocks regarding…love, dating, and being single. If one is honest with themselves(which is a learned skill..& I found as I age it gets easier & easier to be TRUE to myself) they’ve got to admit this. The “thrill” of meeting someone new that one is attracted to; is a wonderful rush of wonderful feelings that makes one feel just..well..WONDERFUL from head to toe. And I realize thats a run -on sentence but its the only way I can express the sentiment I’m trying to describe. Capisce? Alright, cool . Moving right along>
Yet, with all of the lovely, wonderful, ecstatic feelings felt when meeting/dating someone new also comes..uncertainty. And silent unasked questions…Are they being HONEST? Is this the real them they’re presenting; or is this their representative? Representative= That AWESOME person in every way that you ever! dreamed of/can’t do no wrong/butter won’t melt in their mouth..Until the “honeymoon” stage ends; and the real them pops out and…OMG you wonder if you’ve died and landed in the twilight zone somewhere! Often I’ve wondered how folks can possibly think this “trickery” will work for long. And..how can someone respect someone who from the JUMP perpetrated an absolute fraud?!? Isn’t it much better to just be oneself out the gate? Least thats my theory@ This is who I BE. Take me as I am..Love me or Leave me the heck alone. I like who I am & have worked dang hard to get to this point so..if we don’t vibe we just don’t vibe..then we can mayhaps just be friends. Isn’t that much simpler than wasting another person’s time? >
I’ve come to believe that majority of the good things in life take..Time. Plain & simple there is no way around it. Even though we often, especially in this day & age, want to rush! things and want things right this dang minute…I call it the microwave era. We want things , our way, and we want them like 10 minutes AGO. However, have you ever had a meal from the microwave that tasted even half as good; as a meal cooked & slaved over with tender love & care? Some of y’all might say yes..but if you say yes you’ve not had my Mama’s cooking! >
I’ve adopted the belief system that this also applies to love…And that just as love takes time to form; it also takes time to discern if a potential lifemate is our “the 1” . Makes sense , right? I mean I’ve learned that everything that looks good; is NOT good for me. I’ve also learned that the man that was chosen for me to love for the rest of my life, before I was even born, will be someone I can and DO call friend. First…before we ever begin to climb the staircase upwards & graduate to..love. This sounds good in theory; but is problematic because that means not giving in to the lure of; sex. >
The good news about SEX is; its mind-blowingly the 2nd to best(giving birth is the 1st) powerful JOYful feeling on earth. Hope most of y’all can agree; if not you’ve been in love with the wrong folks! But the bad news about SEX is; it can “blind” one to anything else important about a person. I think thats where the adage@ love is blind comes from..So having said that; would it not make more sense to let sex wait until a pair really knows one another? And what better way , and easier way, to do that then to take the time to become friends first? Or even consider friends as love interests? If this is the best case scenario for new love…why don’t more of us do IT in this manner? Because we’re human and the laws of attraction don’t consider how strong the power of sex IS..Or least that is the way I see IT>
Remember backintheday when our first few dates were chaperoned? It was general practice for a concerted reason…to keep couples from falling prey to physical temptation before a proper courting process had taken place. Things might have progressed a bit too far these days; to revert completely back entirely to oldskool ways. But how about using the concept? Double-dating or dating in groups or making it a point not to spend time alone & date in public areas…Y’all might ask if I’ve tried this to know it works. Nope, but now that I’m freshly open to dating; its something I’m going to attempt to employ.(and I’ll be blogging about the UPside when it happens) It’s that important to me to link up romantically with someone I call friend…enough to use the discipline to try something new. If one wants different results they’ve got to try different methods. There are two reasons I think & feel I know; that “friends first ” make the best life-long love affairs…>
#1 reason= The love relationship is built on a solid foundation. Having been friends first ; both parties should know the others’ likes, desires, and needs. This is the part of love relationships that began with SEX often fail….IF you don’t know a person well; sex can distract from truly getting to know them. Yes, sex can get in the way of that…or least that’s my take on it. Why? Because GREAT sex can become all -consuming and over-ride taking the time in takes to get to know someone..And if you’ve been starting love relationships with sex , and it consistently doesn’t work out, true sign you might need to try something else. I’m just saying..
#2 reason=Excitement & passion is heightened! Why? Because the mutual trust, respect( a must) & tolerance for one another gained from being friends first makes the desire stronger to please one’s intimate partner..This is something missing in casual sex link-UPs..because there aren’t any emotions or feelings attached to the person.
Lastly, the mutual trust created during a friendship , amps the odds up to a lasting love affair. After all lack of trust is one of the biggest factors these days tearing couples apart..I’ve heard of women checking their man’s wallets(for phone numbers) , checking his cell for texts or phone numbers, sniffing his clothes, and dang near running a full investigation as to their man’s whereabouts..As IF doing any of this will stop a man(or anyone) from cheating. It won’t. Truth be told, in my opinion, IF you’ve got to check up on your mate; the relationship already has major issues. There is no trade-off or substitute for mutual regard and trust.
>>Anyone out there begin a love relationship with friendship first? I’d love for you to share the outcome..
From my front row seat the view is fabulously splendid
Huefully rose-colored in more than one way
Once a wallflower yet now having my say
Skillfully I dance upon this tight rope called Life
Hanging ON when the clouds bring with them strife
Withstanding dark days with less & less protest
Gracefully aging and feeling the most; my best..
From then to here to say the least has been..long
My spirit and voice now sing a SOULful song
No longer do I feel a need to belong
For I am free to be uniquely ME
At one with myself to just..Be
Knees buckle but still I stand back UP
Not half as easy as I make this look
Chaos in the world can’t shake my beliefs~
I have arrived
Life is a journey and not just a rat race
Far more to me than just a pretty body & face
Scratch beneath the surface
I was reading up on an entirely different topic recently; when I ran across this one. Odd thing IS, I’ve been accused(and rightly so..) of viewing life through rose-colored glasses/always looking for the good in people/seeing things sunny side UP/viewing the glass as half-full and not half -empty..What folks don’t know; nor do I bother taking time to explain; is this wasn’t always the case. But truthfully? Life is so much better and fulfilling in this phase of my journey..Everydangday is a party; almost. Or rather close enough>
Digging deeper..—” A University of Toronto study provides the first direct evidence that our mood literally changes the way our visual system filters our perceptual experience suggesting that seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses is more biological reality than metaphor“…
In short, is your reality different than mine based on how you view things? Or is reality a concrete concept?>
“Good and bad moods literally change the way our visual cortex operates and how we see,” says Adam Anderson, a U of T professor of psychology. “Specifically our study shows that when in a positive mood, our visual cortex takes in more information, while negative moods result in tunnel vision. The study appears in the Journal of Neuroscience.
The U of T team used functional magnetic resonance imaging to examine how our visual cortex processes sensory information when in good, bad, and neutral moods. They found that donning the rose-coloured glasses of a good mood is less about the colour and more about the expansiveness of the view.”(Quotes taken from ScienceDaily.com)
Couldn’t this translate to not seeing things through rose-colored glasses means having a “narrow” view of things? Likewise folks who do see more of things & given situations? Whats the best view? Does the reality of the situation or the interpretation hold more weight? Haven’t studies also shown a positive attitude is good for overall health & well being? I think so because thats my reality; but I’m open to feedback on whats working for YOU..
ALERT***Soul searching topic**..I wasn’t going to blog about the Boston Marathon bombing incident..Now I can’t not blog about it..A situational question that I feel is begging to be answered is WHY? WHY do people SNAP and do irrational, spur of the moment, INSANE, UNprovoked, harmful(& potentially harmful) things towards other people? WHY do these incidents appear to be happening more often? EVERYWHERE and NO where is safe anymore…>
Disclaimer 1st=** The above picture(mental illness picture) I used is NOT how I feel about this topic. Its simply a picture I found to illustrate some of the popular thoughts out there on this subject matter. If you’re an American living in America..You’ve heard it also. Moving right along..
Can you answer these questions honestly? Do you feel completely safe anymore : At the movie theater? Dropping your little ones off to school? Sending your teens off to a college campus? Walking into an airport? DRIVING with unsafe drivers who drive while texting/on their cell/putting on makeup/simply distracted mentally/driving while INSANE/driving while drinking/driving while all drugged up? Participating in a marathon? Breaking OFF a potential relationship with someone? Having a minor disagreement with someone over trivial matters? Looking at the wrong person the wrong way?(WTH?) Do you feel completely safe just minding your own business-breathing-living your life to the fullest? >
Little by little we’re losing what once were BASIC entitlements of living life in a so called FREE country…What is so free about not feeling safe in all of the aforementioned places? Pretty much EVERYwhere except for home. Home *sweet* Home. I can’t lie most days I am on a mission to just get home to relax..So I can exhale AFTER driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic or in backed up traffic..all I can think about is GOD please just let me get home. I just want to LIVE to see another day..people riding my fanny(bumper), people NOT paying attention, people speeding, and today? I won’t even mention today’s driving fiasco; I’m just glad to be ALIVE.
We all know life isn’t always fair..The people who were killed & injured in the recent Boston Marathon bombings came to realize just how true that is..Why weren’t they safe that day? Why aren’t we outraged that OUR safety is being snipped away , daily, and not even slowly anymore..Its happening more & more frequently. We’re not even over the Sandy Hook shootings & now this..Is our new reality to become that we aren’t safe anywhere? Have we become so desensitized that this has become NORMAL? Outrage for a quick minute & then back to our daily grind from week to week…WHY aren’t more people wanting to know WHY? Is it that parents are raising monsters? Or LACK of raising children with love ? Or is it letting VIOLENT video games babysit children causing violent grown UP people? What causes otherwise normal looking /acting people to just SNAP? Or were there signs/symptoms all along of mental illness that went ignored? What ARE the signs? WHY aren’t more people asking the question, WHY? I don’t have even half the answers; but I do have a strong desire to feel SAFE. I’ve lived in cities backintheday you could sleep with your front door unlocked/windows down..I’d like that safety net back again. Basic human rights are worth fighting for,yours & mine, aren’t they?
I first feel a need to have a disclaimer for this topic..Don’t want to ruffle any feathers. I know many women of VIRTUE; or least what I define virtue as. My Mom is one. She is THE one that I gauge all others from; tough shoes to fill indeed! Especially for me; her only daughter>
Nevertheless as I reflect about young girls(& women) I see out & about; its become clear to me many have forgotten, or worse! mayhaps never knew, what true beauty is. It has nothing to do with being beautiful. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with what one owns or can acquire. It honestly has nothing to do with being sexy OR having SEX OR being celibate.. It has nothing to do with going to church every Sunday>
So one might ask what is my definition of a woman of VIRTUE? I thought you’d never ask>
This, to me, is the make-up of a virtuous woman>
SHE moves, acts, thinks with a positive & distinct purpose.
SHE has a genuine warmth & love for herself..which can’t help but flow to others.
SHE touches whoever she encounters with kindness and encouraging words. Negativity just isn’t her thing..nor idle gossip for she knows gossip of others is like raping their spirit.
SHE sees with her heart to meet & often exceed the needs of the moment.
SHE is a woman of vision..she uses her skills & imagination to see the tomorrows beyond today. Building UP brick by brick.
Mothers Day is quickly approaching..That fact is what actually brought this topic to mind..As I marvel at the woman that is my own Mother. My Mama! I’ve been known to say, quite often, IF I could be half the woman my mother IS..then I’d be as hellified as I already think I am. As I look around at some of the young women coming up behind me; I realize!, how awfully BLESSED I am to have the Mother I have. For, how can a woman even begin to half-ass attempt to BE a virtuous woman..IF she has no example to mimic? Or to even aspire/strive! to emulate. Being that it IS a given that little girls learn from their Mothers; what to do when their Mother example is piss-poor? Or so strung out from drugs that she can hardly tend to her children? Or what about working so many hours just to feed/clothe/provide shelter for so called FATHERLESS children..that she can barely tend to her own needs let alone think of being virtuous. I can certainly understand how some women can be ‘bitter’ & fed UP & ready to give UP. As happenstance & circumstance I too could’ve been that type of woman>
I’ve been a victim of a ‘situation’ or happening; that could make a grown man openly weep..Which then caused me to feel emotionally “bankrupt”. And when a person feels like that they may as well be dead..or least that is what they begin to think . But for the grace of a mighty GOD; I woke UP. One day I just simply decided to stop living on the , fringe of happiness. I tired of being a victim, simply because I had been a victim, and decided I was NOT going to let anyone nor anything steal my JOY. And with every ounce of my being..I meant that. It is my sincere desire to express to ANY young woman this sentiment. YOU are special. YOU can do anything your heart desires. YOU deserve to be happy. YOU were created by a GOD that loves you more than you can fathom. YOU possess a uniqueness that only YOU can share with the world. YOU are strong enough to band-aid your scraped knees(from falling) & RISE above any expectation you even have for yourself..YOU are a loved child of GOD as such nothing is impossible. YOU can be your own worst enemy or your very own best friend. Choosing the latter is a very conscious & worth while effort. Exclamation point. Period>
I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that gave me life..I’m so thankful for the women of virtue that mentor me spiritually(you both know who you are..) I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’ve called my BFF for 27 yrs..I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that is my new GOD Mom..I’m so thankful for the 2 women of virtue who are my exMom & exSisinLaw. I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’m fortunate to call my Boss. I’m so thankful for the many women of virtue in my Church Family. I’m so thankful for the women of virtue who are my Aunts/cousins/& multitude of friends from Coast 2 Coast. I’m so thankful my GOD loved me! so much to have put you in my life journey..And this Mothers Day? I’d like all of you to promise one thing. Reach out and mentor a young girl that needs guidance…think of the impact that could make on a life. Just like mine…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only!)
Ever thought something & WISH you could say it? But the timing was off? OR better yet, U didn’t think about it until you walked away? Its time to sound OFF and let it flow from celebrities to politics..This is the way I see IT>
Starting off the top of my pet peeve list is…WHY do Americans have SUCH a fascination for NON-TALENTED folks? Enough so to make them into filthy-rich celebrities! From Sarah Palin to the Kardashians..OMG, when did the word socialite become a nice word for ‘whore’?!? How do you go from being part of a leaked out SEX video to becoming a news flash almost every , single day? I’m not even a big T.V. watcher; but I’m SO tired of seeing the Kardashians faces when I pull up my browser. I have no use for their trashy looking clothes line, their sex sweat smelling perfume, their heavy caked-on make-up line, their boring, drab reality show…I mean they can’t even act! How in the world do they end up hawking all these products? Shouldn’t the prerequisite for being a celebrity be having a TALENT? Lawd! I’m just getting started>
Talk about double standards..Lindsay Lohan has made a complete mockery of Cali’s 3 strike rule..Law even! If a Sista had even thought! about pulling half the stunts Ms Lohan has; she’d be tossed UNDER the prison. A home-monitoring bracelot? Pfft! As IF..Lindsay is a prime poster child for someone crying out LOUD for help; and the system? Has bowed down to a pretty blonde face..not cool, not right, and not a good example for the rest of today’s generation. Laws should apply , rightfully, to everyone..No matter how pretty or rich..The sad thing is she has more than enough money to get what poor folks with addiction issues can’t afford=great counseling at a live in rehab. No shame in having an addiction problem; but shame on Lindsay for not womaning-UP and seeking help. *smh*(shaking my head)
Where to even begin with this joke of the century? Can’t really blame her though; our country SUNK to a whole new level to let this one slip through the cracks..Turned us all into a complete laughing stock for ALL other countries.Jeeeeeez. Every time I think about it I still can’t believe IT..For those folks out there who talked smack about the way things are; yet didn’t VOTE. *slapping forehead* You’ve NO right to whine about any of it; so just sit back and hush! For those that VOTED for this ‘sad excuse for a so -called-quitter-politician’ WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Thankfully folks had their heads out of the sand, woke UP, and handled business this last time at the polls..And please my people NO more voting-by-hormones & lets promise to always use our brains instead. Alright, enough said on that topic. (don’t want to give her more keystrokes than she deserves) Moving right along. Ready?>
IF you’ve got a child whose is over 18 yrs old; yet under 26 yrs old/in college fulltime & needs health insurance due to only working part-time (my hand raised I’ve got 2 of them..) then say thank you to the Obama administration…I’ve dubbed this Administration the “right NOW” administration! Why? Because for once instead of waiting years & years after a term is over; this President is somehow! getting things accomplished right NOW. And, mind you, that’s with a steady flow of opposition; to..well..everything! Ever heard of any crap like that? The repugnants are opting to err on the side of retarded..oppose everything. Just because it is President Obama sitting in the TOP seat. I mean don’t folks realize that means even the GOOD stuff ; they’re opposing it?! *smdh* Whether YOU could benefit from it or not; BOLD indeed…IF you’ve got college loans to pay off; you’ve now got longer to do so. IF you were a victim of the housing crisis fallOUT; there are many programs to help you stay in your house. Foreclosure counseling , at NO cost, to help you to re-modify your home loan. Provided courtesy of the Obama administration. And the list goes on & on & on…
I once worked with a woman who worked a 2nd job; just to support her son’s ‘habit’ of only wearing name brand clothes(including $150 tennis shoes) As she was explaining to me he’d NOT wear anything else; I know I had a look of horror on my face. How could a reasonable, intelligent woman fall into such a trap? I mean ..really???? I don’t recall exactly what I said..but it was something like ..Are YOU kidding me? IF he were my child he’d either a. go butt naked. b. go butt naked. c. WEAR WHAT I BUY HIM. When did parents stop being parents? And when did parents start willingly help their kids to build UP bad habits? Anyone ever stop to think the markUP on tennis shoes alone is 200%. And only in America! They make the shoes for 1 iota of the price Americans will pay here..Why buy something so expensive just cause its got a celebrity name attached? Why not put that same money aside for the child’s future college costs? I can’t recall the last time I paid for price for clothes or shoes..I refuse. And I am a clothes horse; but I can patiently wait for it to go on sale. And I do..alot. lol!
Is this just something that just happens to me? Or do ya’ll park wild! so that no one else can park on top of U; and yet! somehow, every single time..I kid you not..someone finds a way to park right on top of me! OMG I hate that..I’m slim but danggggg its tough to squeeeeze into my car, in heels & skirt or dress during the week..because some ILL-mannered person can’t take a hint. I don’t get it. And I try, with all my might, to park far, far away from alllll the others cars..there can be a ton of empty! spots in between my car and the front door..no matter what not once do I walk outside and my car is alone. Message to any of those parkers! reading this?!? PARK BETWEEN THE YELLOW LINES because that is what they are for, pretty please. Jeeeeez. Moving right along to the rest of the vehicular offenders>
From bumper -riding 2 drag-racing in front of me; and then! driving at a snail pace..ya’ll know who YOU are. Enough is enough..get a clue & learn how to drive with road courtesy. Why come I always seem to get all of the above, when I’m least in the mood for it?!? All I want to do is get to work ALIVE or get home after a long grueling 8 -5 day or get to the MALL or anywhere I am driving..never in a mood for cluelessness. And for the love of all thats good on this earth; NOTHING is that important that YOU can’t wait till you get home to text it. Only thing more annoying than a non-driving person in my way; is to see them texting-while-driving-or -trying-to-hold-a-cell. Can’t wait till they make it against the law here; to even drive with a cell phone in hand. BUT why does it take slapping a monetary fine on folks; for them to do the right sensible , responsible thing?
One last thing before I wrap this UP..I drive a shiny , new, cute!, absolutely red compact car…SUV’s try to run me off the road rushing to probably no where important…So this is my parting message especially for ya’ll.
^The GREATest limitations in this life; are the ones we put on ourselves^ Might sound like just a cliche ..but let it sink it for a minute.
Remember backintheday when U were a kid; that felt ANYthing was possible? That U could be ANYthing U wanted to be? U could dream it..so U could be or do it? That captured euphoric even! feeling made us feel as IF we could fly IF we stretched UP high enough? (I tried that last week just! to see if I could still do a front forward flip..yep , at almost 50 I have to self-check to make sure I still can do certain things..AND as of last week I still can! In the midst of the flip feeeeeels like I’m flying. Love it…) And yet somewhere along the way, and through the years, many(most!) of us lose that euphoric childhood feeling ; we begin to feel there are limits. Lots & lots & lots of LIMITS. The question that is just itching to be answered, conquered & defeated, IS= WhY?
Whether it is because we got tired, tyeeeed, of trying to do things & failing. Or! being told things we could NOT do. Or! having doors shut in our faces. Or! having our dreams crushed. Or! having our hearts broken..For whatever reason think of all the things we just might’ve/would’ve/could’ve/should’ve accomplished; had we kept reaching for our dreams. Raising UP on our tippy toes as IF we could almost touch the sky & achieving the impossibility of things even sometimes we don’t think we can DO. When U have mastered something U thought U couldn’t; isn’t that feeling of elation worth trying to repeat over & over & over again? It is for me..I wish I could bottle it UP and save it for rainy days.
I try not to often to think of all the things I dreamt of doing that I never did..That I never even attempted to DO..All the things I put on the back burner while I was busy raising my sons(well worth all the years of effort & sacrifice) & pleasing my then-husband. What I focus on now is being ever-hopeful. I am so VERY much a dreamer..and I dream in full living COLOR
Aiming for the moon; so I can land among the stars>That is the new motto I am practicing..Striving with all my might to reach my God-given purpose..Which I don’t know(nor do I know if we ever are supposed to know) what my full potential is..I’m still tapping into it; daily. I’ve discovered, as of late, that running out of time is MY biggest motivator. I don’t want to get to the finish line without having..tried. I’ve learned I’d much rather fail at something; than to never ever attempt to do IT. Breaking the chains that I had placed upon my own mind & self; has been beyond liberating for me. I wish, I wish! , I could express it better…I refuse to keep putting to the side or for the tomorrows that never come; the things I truly wish/dream 2 do. Think of the things we just might accomplish for the better IF we stretch UP so high …we can almost touch the sky! Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Guys IF ya’ll peek in at this topic; don’t say I didn’t warn you! I’m on ONE tonight about a topic only a woman would understand…Ya’ll ready for this? I feel a *rant* coming on…so buckle up & hold onto to your hats & wigs..
Alright now you’ve been warned twice..This is for grown folks only so cover your kids eyes(hopefully ya’ll censor what your kids view on the Net…) and if you’re sensitive to sensitive female *issues*; you might want to click off now. I’m a woman and LOVE being a woman. I’m the true epitome of feminity…and yep, pink is my fave color! Nonetheless, having said that; there are a couple things about being a woman I could do withOUT. Ya’ll ready? Here I go here is the first & probably most sensitive of topics>
IF there is a woman out there that enjoys having a time of the month; also known as a “period”..Please stand UP. I’d like to see U in the flesh. Because in ALL of my days on earth; I’ve yet to meet ONE woman who likes having a period. Even on a good day! Even without cramps, bloating, mood swings from hell, headaches,backaches!!!!, more bloating, tender breasts,more cramps, and irregularity so one never knows when its going to make its monthly appearance..omit all of that and I’m still willing to bet there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t rather NOT having to have a period. And I mean sans a pregnancy. Having said that…
Of those women out there who would rather NOT have a period…Wouldn’t it be great to turn the tables for just one little month?!? I think , in all fairness, that MEN should have to have ONE period in their lifetime. Just one..and while I understand the biological process of both sexes..IF there were anything I could change it would be that. I love men, with all of my heart and every ounce of my BEING, but I sincerely think they’d be able to empathize with women more if they could just experience it. Once! Don’t you just hate when someone says ‘I know what you’re going through?’ And you know they don’t! But you want to be polite ; so you just smile & nod your head? Well, that is one thing a man SHOULD be able to know what it is to go through. They walk around alllll month long with no worries about a *surprise visitor* No worries about what to wear due to bloating & discomfort. No worries due to any monthly biological process. And while I simply adore being a woman I just don’t think that’s fair..I’m not a violent person, by far. Never even used physical discipline for our sons..but as sure as I sit here tonight IF I could throttle EVE..I would. OMG what was she thinking?!? And to add insult to injury>
When is IT going to end? Lawd! I’ll be 50 yrs old in July and there apparently is NO end in sight..UNreal. The true insult IS we have to wait an entire year, 1 whole year, for it to truly be OVER. Are you kidding me? For a few months not even a tiny cramp; no nothing. I’m dancing on the table top! And then all of a sudden , out of the blue, bam! Cramps so bad I feel as if I’m going to deliver a baby. Which is highly impossible because I’m not doing what it takes to make one..I thought this crap was supposed to get easier? My doctor told me it could get worse due to how young I started & could be the reason its taking SO long to STOP forever. *slapping forehead* Isn’t that the opposite of the way it should be? WHO made these rules? I daresay it was a woman thats for sure…And why are there pills for a man to get an erection? And NO pill for women to make their period STOP; when they no longer want to have children? I don’t get it…pharmaceutical companies are losing out on a gold mine!
Can anyone tell me WHY the breastfeeding in public issue has become an ISSUE? How many men would like to have to feed their baby in non-sanitary public bathroom?! Because that is the bottom line for what happens when Mom is out & about and her baby gets hungry…not every woman wants to use the TORTURE machine(I know because I used one years ago..) otherwise known as a breast pump. And its been statistically proven breast -fed babies are healthier; why aren’t we promoting it instead of demoting it? All because men can’t handle their libido anytime they see bared breasts? Use some discipline for heaven’s sake like the rest of us have NO choice but to do..Men being able to decide what a woman can or can’t do with her own body=Something is clearly wrong with that sentence. Which leads me to the next and last topic>
Disclaimer = This topic is all in good fun…But I have thought of these topics and wondered the whys…If it weren’t a man’s world would things be different? And how so? That is another topic for another time..Moving right along>
The bottom line IS..Until men can have a monthly period. Until men can carry a baby for 9 months. Until men have to go through the many ups & downs women experience biologically(most of us do this gracefully..) ;I do not feel men should have the right to say what women can /can’t do with their bodies. No one has that right..and IF the shoe were on the other foot..I feel it would be a NON-issue. For the guys that wound up reading this; don’t ya’ll have to honestly admit that also?Btw fellas I have mad regard and love for ya’ll, mwah & hugs! Thanks for being such good sports..though had U heeded my warning you’d not have read this post. Is it curiosity that killed the cat? lol! Wait , check the picture out below before answering that..
Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only) 🙂
>Taking a break 2night from my normal blog a day adventure 2 give thanks & appreciation to my fellow bloggers…Never in a cazillion years could I have anticipated the many likes/blogging love/warm reception I’ve been shown in my brief time here as a blogger & comments /comment responses when I’ve interacted on your blog sites. This blogger appreciation *award* and post is dedicated in your honor..>YOU ROCK/OMG ya’ll have been fabulous!/& sincere thank you’s for the love & support
>>>> FOOTNOTE= 4 anyone out there that thinks blogging IS easy, it is NOT. It takes a certain personality , concerted effort, time invested, somewhat steady focus, confidence! & in my case a sincere desire to want to reach out 2 others..Plus loving to write helps a great deal. I can’t resist the itch 2 write..Inofitself its a form of self-therapy for me. Many times when I’m blogging I’m writing to myself almost as much as to ya’ll..I think it, free flow it, and when I write it I’m feeling it..when I read it it sinks totally IN. Even with the colorful, confident, vibrant, in-your-face-I’m-here! type of personality I’ve got it still takes MUCH confidence 2 feeeeel what I’ve got to share is special enough to share with the entire WORLD. And what most don’t know? I learned of this website while helping a friend while she constructed a blog site here for our church. Yep! as I was learning this site@ WordPress while blogging 4 our church Faith site..I fell in love with the site and decided to do what I’d long wanted to do. Start my own blog site=which I had to 1st quickly learn how to navigate this site and build my own page. WOW. As I’ve traveled and browsed the blog sites here I’m WOWed so often by my fellow bloggers that in a quick minute? My list of fave blogs 2 read might as well just say ALL. Ya’ll continue to keep ME inspired, ya’ll teach me so much with your outstanding writing skills!, ya’ll continue to touch my HEART with your depth. In my heart of hearts I know I wasn’t led here by accident and thus wanted U all to know I appreciate each & every one of U ; you’ve made my experience here more than worthwhile. And? Until I write/read ya’ll later 2night stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only..)
>>All day long! I couldn’t get this off my mind..Itched 2 write the idea down yet had such a non-stop busy day that I couldn’t find the time..IF you don’t have a theme song in mind for yourself; then put your thinking cap ON and..think of 1. Going to dig up the video clip or lyrics from mine(yep! I’ve got my very own theme song..) and then I’ll give this “topic” the time/attention it deserves..
*When *IS*THE*LAST*TIME*YOU*TOOTED*YOUR*OWN*HORN?* Hmmmm, well IF you don’t do it everyonceinagreatwhile; how will you teach your special ‘the ONE’..how to do it properly? Ready? Get set…Really ready? I am..
*Anyone out there realize that just as we can be our own worst enemies(used to be my own..); we can also be our best form of advertisement? Otherwise known as branding..One has to feel good about themselves from the INside out; in order to attract the same. Or least that is the way I see IT. Took me a very long time to get “it”..we truly are what we eat . Same difference as we project what we feel on the inside & without a doubt attract mirror images of self.
^Sounds like a simple enough formula, right? Yet , for some of us took many moons to truly master it. And now that I’m here; there is no turning back..Being here feels fabulous. Fits. I’ve worked hard to get here and survived alot of ‘ish! to earn a Masters in life…still working on getting my PHD in it>
Getting back to the topic at hand behind all of that..Personal theme songs. Remember the movies from backintheday? The ones when the main character walked into the screen shot; you knew they were coming because of the music. Every single time it was time for their grand entrance into the scene; the same song was played. Their theme song..music has an awesome way of serving so many purposes. I personally don’t do much without music in my background..Poetess that I am music is a form of poetry set to tunes; so of course I’d love it. And when I’m not listening to music? I’m vibing to my own tune in my thoughts…
Which leads me to the introduction of my very own theme song…At least for the time being until my status changes from ‘single’ & almost ready to date 2 attached/involved/in love with my ‘the one’..This song perfectly captures my essence/my desires/my vibe. Could hardly believe it when I discovered it a couple months ago. I’ve played the vinyl off of it, lol. Well, I would’ve if records were still sold instead of CDs..in other words I like this song. Alot. Just fits. To a T. So without further delay here is my theme song..Have ya’ll picked one for yourselves yet? Well when you do , let your hair down, post it here so we can all check it out. Until then listen in and enjoy mine…and oh until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the one & only)
>Really good friend of mine had a novel idea he was serious about maintaining ..Still does to this day..At the time I didn’t feel it was something I needed to partake in; I was in a different space & time in my life journey than he was..But now, things are different as is my outlook on friendship. I don’t take the word lightly. Nor do I take lightly how I treat my friends; I treat them as I want to be treated. Sounds simple enough , right? Stay tuned because it gets much better from here…And yep, I’m on 1. If you don’t know what that means; google it…
**Well, its Saturday night and I got several phone calls from friends 2day..So very appropriate for this topic, right? And they said “WHY did you leave us on a cliff-hanger since last night????! wth?” Lol, first of all thats a first! so sorry extracurricular activities got in the way(of my finishing this post)..with my B.F.F.(how perfect for this topic also) and mad love to ya’ll for showing me love by calling. Stroked my ego for a brief moment(don’t we all need that from timetotime?) so to kick off this topic I dug UP the supreme friend song(oldskool! when music was still real) ..Before I jump knee deep & waist high into this just know this; when I call you a friend its for LIFE. Let me see if I can do my utmost to explain…Ready for me? I sure hope so cause here I go head first>
Mayhaps I should define friends 1st. From my viewpoint a friend IS: Someone who knows U through & through; & still digs you totally! A friend is someone who can hang out with U talking about nothing/doing nothing/and expects nothing in return! A friend is someone who has your back while you’re 2gether & even more so when you’re apart. A friend is someone who will let U wake them up with a call in the middle of the night; because U can’t sleep.(waving BigJack and many thanks U’s for this…) A friend is someone who loves U even over a lifetime spent 3,500 or more miles apart(mad LOVE Lizzard my forever B.F.F. I loves ya!) A friend is someone who doesn’t find a cazillion things to do when your moving day rolls around(I’ll be calling ya’ll soon for this, lol) A friend is someone whose true colors are as vibrant and beautiful as a rainbow…
IF one’s monetary worth were(and I believe it is…) measured by the type of friends they have..then I am RICH. My life simply wouldn’t be the same without the many friends I’m fortunate/blessed/dang lucky! call me their friend..Likewise IF I call you my friend its for life..My circle of friends is large indeed(from coast 2 coast & beyond..) and many in my circle I also consider extended family. I don’t have a good poker face(I show all my emotions ) nor do I fake the funk well at all..just not part of my biological make-up. IF I spend time with U /break bread with U/do things for U without provocation just because I think you’ll enjoy it or need it, or whatever; then I consider you my friend. My friendship with my B.F.F. has lasted over 25 years! WOW..it has endured many miles apart/marriages/breakups/death of loved ones/lifes’ disappointments/lifes’ joys, joys!/laughter/LOVE/LOVE/and has transcended color lines and racial differences. We simply look at each other as sisters from another mother..There is comfort in knowing someone that long; who knows where you’ve been/where you’re at now/where you aspire to be. Somehow we can go for long periods without talking or seeing one another; yet pick up right where we left off. Its been an awesome ride & I look forward to many more years now that we finally! live on the same coast in the same city. WOW..life is full of beautiful suprises and you’re one of them Sis. I love YOU always..
There are several instances in my life that made me sincerely cognizant of the true importance of friends. One was when my then-fiance showed me a report card he had for friends to grade him as a friend. Another instance was when a friend of mine I’d lost contact with; found me after looking for me for 17yrs. I was wow’ed by that, alot, and humbled…things I’d taken for granted others considered like gold. Friendship. It changed my entire perspective on friendship. Not that I hadn’t always treated my friends very well; I just didn’t really realize till then how much it could also be worth to someone else..my friendship.
Which brings me to the punch line. I think we’ve all faced evaluations in the course of our careers. Usually once a year, right? Or moreso if promoted…When is the last time you asked your friend(s) to evaluate you as a friend? Isn’t the best way to improve anything to grade it/tweak it/work on flaws. How does one know if they’re the best friend they could possibly be? I stand guilty as charged(my hand raised high); I’ve not asked any of my friends lately IF there is room for improvement…I just ASSume I’m the best friend to them I could possibly be. I certainly feel I give it my all…but is that good enough if I don’t meet each friend’s needs. What IF they need more from me than I’m giving? Or one step further what IF theres more I’m capable of doing as a friend; that I don’t realize I could be doing…does it matter? Shouldn’t we work to maintain & improve friendships ; same as we do our love relationships? I didn’t used to think so backintheday when I hadn’t lived as much of life as I have now…things are different now. I no longer take life or any of my relationships for granted. I appreciate each and every one of my friends; and I want them to know & feel that.
In a perfect world all friendships /relationships; would not require stroking or maintenance. They’d just be as effortless as breathing…however even with love relationships we know this isn’t the case. And honestly I enjoy giving /sharing/vibing with my friends. My word IS my bond; and I try hard to keep it. Likewise I’m not drawn to folks who aren’t like minded in that regard..so with me you’ve got to mean what you say & say what you mean. There are a ton of questions I could write to create a report card for friends right here & now; but I won’t. Why not? Because I think it would be more worthwhile for you & me; to create our own report cards…Based on our own unique set of friends. Mine will be more verbal for my friends anyways; they know I love to talk, alot . lol! But even if ya’ll don’t do a report card; if nothing else, hopefully my words have made you think about how special your friends are for a minute. When is the last time you told them how much they mean to you? Everyone needs to know they’re appreciated..And for my fabulous friends?!? YOU ARE SPECIAL & I’M THANKFUL YOU’RE PART OF MY LIFE, hugs!
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to know all the answers..to anything. But what I do speak on I’ve lived. Through trial & error; and this theory is what works for me. In every aspect of my life it is working; only exception is my last love relationship. Which honestly I’ve not applied the time it deserves..but the right time for that is coming. Soon. Very soon. Anyways I say all of that to say I practice what I preach. Moving right along>
Keep it moving means exactly what it implies. Stay busy reaching/striving for your goals/dreams! This is a conscious “choice” we can make. And it is necessary; if one wants to make sound, progressive choices instead of excuses. Ever met a person that just goes on and on about would’ve , should’ve , could’ve? They’re probably also a couch potato ..as IF that will help them do some of those things they wish they could’ve done. Staying busy , productive, and progressive keeps my mind clear of unnecessary clutter and B.S.! I simply don’t have time for it..and the rest of the time I’m sleep. But still working on getting more of that. But anyways moving right along>
Kis..yep, almost just as good as kiss! Keep it simple..Choose what you want to do. List the things it will take to get the job done. And one by one knock down the things on that list..before you know it..mission accomplished! Keeping it simple allows one to NOT get distracted(or delayed) by unnecessary complications. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” Quote by Albert Einstein
I used to live by chance..Trying to do everything in a perfect manner. Wound up feeling disappointed in myself alot because..a state of perfection doesn’t exist! When I chose to grab life and my goals..by the cajones and just do IT..I’ve been a cazillion times more effective in achieving what I set out to do. And a heck of alot happier/comfy in my own skin/content 100% with my choices/decisions. Sometimes you just have to step out on FAITH. Been there and doing it. Alot. It is never an easy walk; but waiting for others to decide my fate left me feeling unfulfilled. NO one person , nobody, can make the best choices for an adult that will leave that person feeling wonderful. But making a choice that is right for me(you); regardless of whether it fails or not..has been awesome for my soul and self-esteem. When the choice, my choice, works!..I feel like I’m walking on air/gives me more confidence to make more choices & decisions/and motivates me to strive higher. The impossible truly is possible..ya’ll will just have to trust me on that one. Or try it for yourselves.
IF there is something about your life you’re not content with; work to change IT. We all know the type of folks who whine about this or that..yet do nothing to change it. That is their choice..however for those that truly want to make a change..just DO it. 17 months ago I took a leap of faith(for the 1st time in my life journey) and I’ve never looked back…Change? It is possible if you want it badly enough. Even at almost 50 yrs of age.
Last but not least most of us have a very, very strong relationship with our “inner voice”. That “gut” feeling. I call mine my “vibe radar”..when I feel good vibes from a person or an environment..99.9% of the time it is spot on. Same for the vibes I get when I’m making a decision or choice. Its called intuition. With most women it is strong; problem is we don’t listen to it half as much as we should. Until we get older/wiser/stronger/BETTER..or maybe that is just how its worked out for me. Word of advice? Learn yourself. Learn what you’re skilled at. Learn what you do BEST. Strive to figure out your GOD given talents. We ALL have them; just some of ya’ll don’t use them or don’t know what yours are. Learn your flaws and your faults. Admit them and work on improving them. Daily..Learn your weaknesses. Try to either stay “away” from them or get stronger so they won’t be a weakness. Its my belief the more one learns themselves; the more one’s inner voice can be heard and felt. Real talk. It works if you work it. Least that is the way I see IT…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
I am so high on life..
Deliciously and naturally smashed
*My old way of thinking/feeling/BEing?*
Somewhere far away backintheday…
I’m reaching higher and higher
Called my own cease fire
From my old worst opposition
In a forever state of remission
The she that used to be me..
I am so high on life!
Stressing less & less
Didn’t get here on my own
Even though I’m quite grown
Finally ! learned I’d never walked alone..
But no more talk of days gone by & yester-years
Long forgotten past haunts ,pursuits and fears
Manipulating A,B,Cs with my pen to the max
Vibing floetically my mental is set on: relax
Sashaying thru life while to myself staying true
Free at last! to do what only I can do as I do
I am so high on life that I can kiss the sky
Any higher I might just think I really can fly
Laughing out loud so much from the inside out
No longer restrained and free of self doubt
Wrapped UP in my uniqueness & originality rules
Bringing it back till its once again “in” ; even cool
My eyes lifted up to the heavens so thankful my God is patient
HE walked beside me all the while and long before I believed..
I’ve left behind all the things I thought I knew and perceived
High on life
This is DAY 1 of the rest of my life journey…WOW..Every , single morning when I rise at O dark thirty that is my 2nd thought. Real talk. My first thought is to thank my GOD for waking me..Inofitself, even in excellent health; that IS a blessing. I am fighting the urge to free flow this morning lyrically; but it is coming. And good news? I’ve found a poetic partner! (but thats another topic for another time & post..) Constantly during this part of my spiritual & life journey; I question the self part of moi(me). Am I the person I was created to be? Am I getting closer to my GOD given purpose? Am I who I was supposed to B along the journey? Yep, as usual my questions have questions…Am I living the answers?
I think, yes, I am becoming myself. Finally, I am the me I was supposed to B..As I strive to reach all of my goals(spiritually,physically,love relationship/career/education/personal goals..) and pushing myself to do more & more in a day; slowly but surely I’m getting closer. To? Living UP to my GOD given purpose..I’m not there yet & I just know it. I feeeeel it. Without a doubt “HE” isn’t finished with me/”HE” is still working on me/”HE” is for sure working THROUGH me..I can feel it as sure as I’m sitting here. Which inofitself is nothing short of a miracle! Even just a few years back I wasn’t feeling nor seeing “HIM”; I’d grown numb. Impossible as that seems, with as much as I possess feelings/passion!/creativity/energy/vibrance; I’d grown numb. And if that can happen to me..certainly it can happen to anyone.
I’ve learned that nothing in this lifetime is impossible. Nada. Rien. Niente. Nihilum. With GOD and a positive attitude in our lives; not even what seems out of our reach is impossible. WE and I am limited more by what we “think” we can’t accomplish; than by what is factual. I’ve lived and learned that the hard way. And now that I’m on the other side of that ephiphany?!? WOW. Not even I can truly express in it words..it just feels good. Alot. And it flows as naturally from me as the sun shining. If my words have inspired one person reading this to “reflect” on working to become self; I’ll be content. Positive vibes spread like wild fire…Pass it on. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 and Only)
~”We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~ Quote by Ray Bradbury
La bella vita is an Italian phrase that simply means= A beautiful life. I made a vow to myself a few years back to do all things possible to promote beautiful moments & experiences in my life. I figure I can connect all of the beautiful moments/experiences(like connecting the dots..) together piece by piece to equal a beautiful life. I surround myself with beautiful people whose beauty comes from deep within..I’ve drastically limited the amount of stress I allow myself to endure. I laugh N laugh from the inside out N smile so hard somedays my cheeks hurt by days end! I surround myself with lovely , bright colors and I adore lush green plants for plants signify”growth in life”. I made a promise to myself to visit places I find beautiful..like the beach at dusk. The picture above is a beach near here in Clearwater; in the very near future I’ll be standing on that beach to watch nightfall come..I bounce out of bed at O dark thirty every morning eager to watch the sunrise on another day; a new beginning! The quiet, hush while all is still dark yet with the promise of a new day peaking; is so serene to me. It is at that time I feel the closest to my GOD. Beauty personified indeed! There are SO many ugly, funky things happening in the world that we can not change..That we don’t understand or can’t grasp our mind around why they occur..For a brief moment I wanted to share how I embrace and rein beauty into my life. I refuse to get sucked into the filthy muck of this life..Think about things you can do to welcome beautiful moments/experiences into your life. Before you know it the dim of the funky and ugliness going on in the world; will be so faint that it can’t disturb your positive VIBE. That is something I strive for every, single day…I can attest that it works if you stick to it. I deserve ALL the beauty that this life journey has to offer. Don’t you?
Blogging IS something I’ve quickly grown to love…Not only that I couldn’t have picked a better place to begin my new venture than WordPress! I’ve had an amazing 3 months here and of course I’ve got a few things to say about it. This is the way I see IT..
Deciding to BLOG isn’t an easy decision..least it wasn’t for ME. I was going to expose my most intimate and innermost thoughts/ideas/feeeeeelings. In a sort of way like being butt-naked and walking into a formal event! Can you imagine?!? Anywayz its been something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now..for several reasons. To first & foremost share from my lifes’ journey with the youth..the good, the bad, and yep! the ugly. To nuture and share love is part of my natural DNA. However, I wasn’t quite sure how I’d be received or what I’d encounter..for I can be quite blunt and at this age say pretty much what I’m feeeeeling. Just flows off my lips and now my fingertips. And after all this is the internet! Took cajones(not literally for I’m all woman..) to join a website, with NO prior knowledge of how to even design a page(still learning; I can’t tell you from day 2 day what color my font will be lol!) and share parts of ME/my thoughts/my experiences/my original poems/my emotions with the entire world. To be precise I’m ONE in 60, 593,723 bloggers on WordPress. And to receive comments from even ONE person in the midst of such outstanding writers?!??? I am humbled , almost, beyond words…I’ve had people from alll over the world hit my blog page: Canada, Cambodia, Africa, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Argentina, England, France, India, and of course my country the United States. I’ve interacted on blog pages with people from all countries, all creeds, all backgrounds..pretty much the same as I do offline. I’ve invested alot of my spare time into what I share here…proof reading over and over after I let my thoughts flow freely from my fingertips. I’m always COGNIZANT that this is a permanent carbon copy of my words. Of parts of me…Who knows? My future grandchildren might one day read this! My parents read this. My church family/family members & friends read this. And recently my hair was blown back! when I discovered co-workers actually print what I’ve written here as a momento! OMG and WOW..talk about humbling. So, I say all of this to take a brief station break from posting a topic to say THANK YOU to ALL of YOU. You’ve made my first step into the blogging world a BEAUTIFUL learning experience. And as I further work on my writing skills I aspire to reach the level so many of ya’ll here are..ya’ll keeeeep the bar raised HIGH here. I love IT. As always stay UPlifted & blessed until I read/write ya’ll again…4ever sincere Berna (the 1 n only)
Alright I’m on 1 tonight..translation here comes a BIG rant. So buckle up, lean back/get comfy/kick your shoes off/enjoy the smell of the scented candles because I’ve heard the very, and I mean very last comment@when women get a certain age they better think about re-evaluating their options for a love relationship. As IF! and Pfft! It is time 2 respond to all of those comments. Revving UP but I’m coming back soooon and releasing this train of thought. ~2 B Continued~
1st things 1st..DISCLAIMER: 4 the sake of this line of thought I’m going to use examples said by women, some of them married woman. These are actual accounts and not heresay..Know while reading this for me marriage is the ultimate love relationship; so I mean NO disrespect for the viewpoint I’m getting ready to lay down. However, in response to the aforementioned comments this is my response. And I’m more than sure some of my single over 35 N up sistas/sisters feel the same way..Although I’ve no issue standing alone with this stance. As I have on many of the things I feel. I can only always speak for myself N this is the way I see IT..
Example#1..Some out there might recognize these lyrics. Song by a woman, a Sista!, and one of my fave singers btw..
“Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Aint no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr Wrong”
Ok, what is wrong with this picture?? Well , for starters, everything! This is from a popular song from a popular singer. Mary J Blige. Who I dig, alot. BUT what isn’t coooool is that young girls/teens/women listen to this song probably over and over again. And have we not learned that the youth can be easily influenced by things they hear/see? Heck, grown adults are! It is a matter of what we intake that is negative or positive and the impact that can/WILL/does have on our psyche. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out..that is why you’ll find a great deal of academians aka intellectuals don’t even have a “boob tube” in their house(isn’t called a boooob tube for nothing..) I personally know folks that censor what their children hear/see on the tube /radio, etc…I was one of those parents! I recall vividly being in favor even of ratings on video games backintheday…because I hated! buying/renting a game for our sons and turning it on and it had naked/half naked women portrayed or rap music on them…anywayz I digress. My point IS (yep, there is a point ) when did women begin to lower their OWN standards enough to sing it in lyrics?!? I mean come on now…really? Is this the level we have sunk to??? Has anyone else noticed this is becoming more and more the norm? WHY? I can take a man saying such dribble in regards to women, cause they’re men! I don’t expect them to see it from OUR viewpoint, but now women are saying such things with ease…Lawd!
Example #2.”“I just want someone who’s willing to be in the trenches with me,” my single friend Jennifer told me, “and I never thought of marriage that way before.” Two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes aren’t even straight, and while Jennifer wouldn’t have made that choice a few years back, she wonders whether she might be capable of it in the future. “Maybe they understood something that I didn’t,” she said.”
Ok, what is SO wrong about this picture? A wholeeeee lot. Hope you caught it ; but just in case ya’ll didn’t and I quote”two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes AREN’T EVEN STRAIGHT…” Whoa! What???? This was a totally new one I’d not heard of and yep, this was taken from a real account. Matter of fact I’m pulling from the very text of the picture I used for this post up above..So now it has gotten that bad that women aren’t just settling but they’re settling for men they don’t even believe are heterosexual???? UNdangreal..I am beyond not getting that!
Here are just a few real live comments I’ve heard indirectly and directly on the topic. “Over 40 a single woman might just want to drop some of the things on her list of standards..” this was said by a married woman to other married women. Women I respect btw…”I’d rather keeeeep my wooden nickel, than trade it in for another wooden nickel” this was said by a disgruntled married woman complaining to other women that were complaining about their husbands. My comment and thoughts..I do NOT want a wooden nickel at all! A wooden nickel can’t be spent and is worth nothing to me. “You’re not getting any younger; and neither am I N we both want to get married..” this was recently said to ME by a man. Hmmmm first of all MY biological clock isn’t ticking. I’m finished forever with having children..my last tick tock was 20 years ago. Sorry, but I can hold out a little longer. For what? The ultimate prize! A happy, fulfilling, marriage with a man that LOVES me as I LOVE him. And for the record that is how I’m going to say it from now on in my prayers to God..Since I realize that sincere prayers are answered I am no longer just praying to get married. I’ve now added subtitles to that request to God. Had to apparently…but anywayz here is another one. “Over 40 and with 2nd or subsequent marriages you no longer marry for love..you marry for security”..this was said to me by a male friend about a year ago who is on his 2nd marriage. So then I asked him. “Does your wife know that you married her so you wouldn’t grow old alone or does she think you married her because you loved her?” I mean IF we’re going to keep it real than that should go both ways. I’m sick and tyeeeed of people giving advice and YET they don’t /haven’t followed it themselves. Isn’t that what they call a hypocrit? Not that I mind folks experienced in something that I’ m not giving me great advice..I welcome it! But let it be something that was actually something experienced by the advice giver…for otherwise you trivialize my situation. In my opinion anyway.
And what is the harm If I want to hang around waiting on the ONE long enough to collect dust on myself anyway? Why do folks seem to feeeeel they have to comment , critique or give advice? I certainly haven’t asked for any, yet. Matter of fact all I’ve done is stated quite openly the goals I set for myself regarding marriage. A date. An expectation I have for myself when I’ll be engaged by…however there is no expiration date on it. At this point I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Now, I don’t know if that is how I’ll feel if I’m still single mid 2013. Matter of fact as sensitive as this issue has gotten to me lately I don’t know how I’ll feel about this topic an hour from now. As with anything in this life, or least mine, sometimes at the end of the day..especially late in the day..sometimes I myself from time to time doubt goals I’ve set for myself. I am after all my worst critic. I do after all push myself very hard. Very. I’ve often set goals so steeeeep that I was disappointed/crushed when I couldn’t even on my tippy toes reach that high..but isn’t that what goals are suppposed to B? Something to make us reach higher? To motivate us to not get…complacent? A way to make us constantly strive to do, better? I could be wrong(wouldn’t be the first time) but that is the way I see IT at this phase of my life journey. Knocking on 50 I’m still doing all I can to hang onTO my dreams that I left home holding at almost 20 yrs of age. And one of those dreams was to be part of a union, a marriage!, as loving as the one in which I was born into. A marriage which I knew, my brother knew, everyone knew, that come helllll or high water thru all the UPS N downs my parents would stay 2gether and IN love. Forever. It is where I learned the term LIFEmate from. My own Daddy said that long ago about my Mom. WOW. What little girl who heard that wouldn’t keeeeeep reaching/attempting to achieve that? How can said little girl all grown up settle for anything less??? Answer is, she can’t/won’t/simply refuses to settle for anything less than love. And it would be nice, soooo nice, to hear that other women respect and encourage that. I have a cousin that waited single for YEARS, without dating because her standards were that high. I won’t say how long she waited but it was longer than I hope I have to wait! But she had faith in God that her “one” would find her without her having to settle for less. I don’t think she knew, although I was dating at the time, how much I respected her for that and so much more. I should’ve told her..but I didn’t. I do now though because I can relate. We say as Christians we have faith. I hear things like , stand by your faith. Grow your faith stronger in God. Matter of fact this is the Year of Faith in my church. Well, I’m trying with all my might to stand on my faith in alot of things. Alot. And every day, instead of getting easier, truth B told it is getting harder. I really needed to write this out to work it out..I pray/hope there is a young women out there reading this that is in the same situation I’m in. I want her to know it can be done. Or least it can be attempted even at almost 50 yrs of age..Try hard to stand fast in your beliefs. Your dreams. Your goals. Take it one day at a time step by step driving forward to gain them. And for heavens sake have FUN and laugh, laugh, laugh, and love. love, LOVE along the way. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 n only)