Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**OTHERHOOD**40s, 50s, Childless, Never Married**Their Perspective Revealed>>

I won’t and can’t lie…I can’t relate to this piece…However, now that I’ve been single & celibate for 3 years(though actively dating someone I dig alot..a whole lot!) I find myself trying to understand all aspects of the dating spectrum…My hair was blown back by the open nature and honesty of this write..At 51 yrs old and UNmarried; my biggest fear is entering old age alone..ALONE..MY parents attend even random doctor appointments TOGETHER..Shopping, etc..whatever they do together…As much as I dig my independence I MISS being part of a forever union..Knowing that someone always has my back..Good , bad or ugly…There IS comfort in that…Having said all of that I’ve a silent respect for those who are still patiently waiting on ‘the One’..It is hard for me to imagine waiting & waiting & waiting on love until well into the 50s…I’m just NOT that patient!

IF anyone can relate to this woman’s perspective, feel free to comment…I was captivated from word one!

I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me….

October comes in innocently enough, stretching the edges of summer into fall. But then, one night, seemingly out of nowhere, a cold chill touches my shoulders like a former lover I’ve tried to shake from memory. I shiver. My heart falls; I know that another long winter is approaching and I’m still alone.

I hadn’t planned it this way. I have always been open to love and relationships. I have held on to hope and to expectations and to dreams and to grief and to men I should have let go of much sooner. I have been high on love and tip-toed on top of clouds. And I’ve lost my breath under a dark cloud, wondering why it’s so hard for me to have the long, meaningful relationship I deserve.

I’m at a bar, on my first date with Brian, a man I met online. I’m happy to be inside, sitting next to this man, warm and calm. At age 45, I’m no longer focused on the future; I’m no longer envisioning my life as one half of a young couple, thinking about our future children. I’m focused on the moment I’m in right now. This is life. This is my life. And notwithstanding it not turning out the way I had expected, my life is beyond my expectations. I have chosen to live my life to its potential, and I’ve never felt better about myself or more comfortable in my own skin.

Brian is handsome, self-made and from his body language, I can tell he’s happy to be sitting at the bar next to me. He swivels to face me, smiling, and I smile back. The date is off to a great start. But soon enough, his tone changes. Brian has decided it’s time to find out what’s wrong with me. And after all these years, seasons of men, loves and likes and not-quite-there feelings, I recognize the conversation that’s about to begin.

First, my dates prove their ability to be in a relationship. They describe their marriage and how it concluded, or why their recent long-term relationship finally had to end, as Brian’s had earlier this year. “We argued so much it no longer felt good to be in the relationship,” he volunteers. And now, as these exchanges go, it’s my turn to share why I’m still single.

“Have you ever been married?” Brian asks.

“No,” I say.

“Have you come close? Like engaged or lived with someone?”

“Nope,” I add.

Brian presses his lips together in judgment. “When was your last long-term relationship?” he asks, believing my answer is the answer to whether or not I want to be in a relationship. Or, perhaps more importantly, whether or not I am capable of being in one.

“It’s been a while,” I softly respond, noticing my own disappointment, let alone his.

“But you’re attractive and smart. I can’t believe you haven’t had a boyfriend in a while,” Brian says, but I know his flattery is a guise to learn the great mystery of why I’m still single. “Like how long?” my date continues. “How many years?” He wants details. He wants to hear proof that he’s right about his assumption that there is something wrong with me. Perhaps, he thinks, she can’t commit.

“I don’t even know,” I say with a smile and a nonchalant shrug. And I’m being honest. I don’t know. I don’t know how many men I’ve gone out with or how many men I’ve kissed or been intimate with or how many men I’ve lost to what was simply not meant to be. I don’t count the men because, in the end, they are all one closer to one that will be the One.

“That’s OK,” Brian offers as consolation. “Some people aren’t interested in having a serious relationship.”

I immediately find myself rising up to my own defense and resent us both for having to do so. “Does it mean I’m interested in having a serious relationship if I stay in one too long because I don’t know how to leave or because I can’t bear to be on my own?” I ask. “I never married the wrong guy or pretended to be happy in a relationship when I wasn’t. And it hasn’t always been my choice for a relationship to end. I’ve been in love. I’ve wanted to be in love forever with some of the men I’ve dated. My heart has been broken,” I add.

My date seems unsympathetically relieved at this last note. My black-and-blued heart is proof to him that I’ve gone to battle for love. But I’m more focused on the fact that I’ve survived and have moved forward than on the battles I’ve lost.

“So, what’s the issue?” he asks. “I can’t believe you would still be single. You must be picky.”

We’re entering the “dating-deduction” phase. Brian will keep trying to deduce what’s wrong with me until he hits the jackpot.

“Of course I’m picky,” I say with confidence. “I want to be in love with the man I’m with and he deserves to be loved. If being ‘picky’ means I won’t settle for a lesser love, then you are right: I’m picky.”

My date pours more wine into my glass from the carafe we’re sharing. Our conversation moves on to entrepreneurship, a passion we share. He goes first, and I’m sincerely impressed. And then I share my work and the business I’ve grown over the last seven years. But for my date, he’s not so much interested in my work, but in how my career might be the root-cause of my singlehood.

“Some people choose to focus on their careers and some choose to have families,” my date says emphatically, making the assumption that because I haven’t had a family, I’ve made my choice.

“I didn’t choose to have a career over falling in love, getting married and having children,” I reply, my voice again slightly raised. “I can control many aspects of my career, but I cannot choose when and with whom I fall in love and who returns the love to me. I didn’t plan to be single at 45 or not to have children.”

“I have a friend who admits she spent too much time focused on her career and not her dating life,” Brian says, like it’s a diagnosis: “Career-Womanitis.”

“Women don’t often forget to fall in love. They don’t often forget to have children. Sure, time passes faster than we’d all prefer, but if someone wants to be in a relationship, and most women do, then we find a way to do that when a man who wants the same thing is present in our lives,” I reply. “Women are better multitaskers than men are in general, so I don’t buy into the ‘too focused on career’ script modern women have been given instead of the truth: Despite having a great career and taking care of ourselves financially, while also taking care of our health and well-being, we haven’t met the man we’re meant to be with.”

“Maybe you’re too independent,” Brian suggests, more to himself as he looks down his mental list of possible reasons for my singlehood.

“I’m independent,” I reply. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be dependent on someone else for a change. We keep hearing about how women should ‘lean in.’ I am leaning in so far that I’m falling over. I don’t have a net, emotionally or financially, to fall back on. What I would do to be able to lean back for once. What I would do to have a man in my life whom I could count on when times are tough…”

Brian is running out of arguments. I’m running out of patience.

“Brian, if you spend the rest of our date searching for what’s wrong with me, you’ll never discover what’s right with me,” I say, trying to soothe us both into another topic of conversation. “I have no regrets. I’m living a life I never dreamed of in many respects. Yes, I wanted to be married and become a mom in my twenties, but here I am, in my forties, with all my bumps and bruises, still in the ring, unwilling to give up on love.”

My date seems satisfied, at least for now, and we begin to chat about other things. As we leave the bar later that night, Brian gives me a hug. “You’re shivering,” he says, sweetly. “Let me get you into a cab.” He hails a cab and asks me for a second date.

“Yes,” I say. “I’d like that.” I’m open to a relationship, after all.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he says with his handsome smile as he opens the cab door.

I smile back as I get in the cab. I am happy to be out of the chill.

Melanie Notkin’s second book, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press/Penguin Canada), is available now. OTHERHOOD received a prestigious *starred review* by Bookli

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Health Matters*

>>Body Image>>When Is It Good Enough? It’s A Woman Thing ..

First, a few facts>>

Body image is the way that someone perceives their body and assumes others perceive them. This image is often affected by family, friends, social pressure and the media

People who are unhappy with their bodies and don’t seek healthy nutrition information may develop eating disorders..Eating disorders are unhealthy relationships with food that may include fasting, constant dieting, or bingeing and purging

Body image is closely linked to self-esteem<

Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape..Unfortunately, only 5% of women naturally possess the body type often portrayed by Americans in the media

58% of college-age girls feel pressured to be a certain weight..58%!

Studies show that the more reality television a young girl watches, the more likely she is to find appearance important

More than 1/3 of the people who admit to “normal dieting” , will merge into pathological dieting..Roughly, 1/4 of those will suffer from a partial or full-on eating disorder

In a survey, more than 40% of women and about 20% of men agreed they would consider cosmetic surgery in the future..The stats remain relatively constant across gender, age, marital status and race..WOW

Students, especially women, who consume more mainstream media, place a greater importance on sexiness and overall appearance than those who do not consume as much

95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25

Only 10% of people suffering from an eating disorder will seek professional help

Only 4% of women globally consider themselves beautiful..

This topic has become personal for me as of late..First, time in my life(at 51 yrs of age no less!) I’ve realized I’ve got body image issues..Even though I’ve clawed and fought my way back from becoming overweight post-surgery & in full-blown menopause; it still isn’t enough. Even getting back into my pre-surgery sized clothes isn’t enough.. Mind you I was almost scared into keeping fibroids versus gaining weight..Who would rather risk possibly gaining Cancer over gaining a few pounds????? From the list above I’ve done it ALL with the exception of purging & cosmetic surgery..But I’m forever going on meatless week stints, gave up all juices/carbonated drinks, skipping meals, squeezing in speed walks in lieu of leisure week lunches, biking, treadmilling, weight lifting, and of course my beloved weekly raw veggie smoothie detox drinks(which I’ll probably drink for the rest of my life..

So just this weekend I found myself giving solicited advice to my bestie about losing weight..And out of my mouth came the words@ “Don’t diet. Diets don’t work for us, because we wind up feeling deprived & fall off.. Just adjust your lifestyle little by little & eating habits in increments & exercise more..Start slowly on the green raw veggie drink..” When I got home I realized I was telling her something I wasn’t practicing! I wanted her to start off in a healthy manner; yet when I want to quick drop pounds I dang near starve myself..I’m always hungry! Stomach growls seem normal..Today I caught myself trying to climb 2- 3 stairs at once(butt lifting exercise) while on my cell & almost fell..Not cool!

I decided to reach out in honesty ..Calling out all/any woman reading this..WE have got to stop this never-ending cycle of pushing for the perfect body image..I can’t imagine how this life-long behavior would’ve impacted the daughter I always yearned for , yet never birthed..Thankfully , I can sincerely say this wasn’t taught to me by my own Mom..She taught me always to love me for ME..Yet, even with constant & consistent positive reinforcement from parents/significant others/countless passerbys/friends? Still find myself pushing for something more..It was somewhat comforting to read the above statistics; for a moment. I’m not ALONE in this struggle for the perfect body. It is deeper than just being vain..But when does it stop??? When is good enough(& healthy!) , enough??

IF one can’t be honest with self in their 50s; probably won’t ever be! Naked truth exposed feels pretty liberating & hopefully admitting it can lead to positive change..Anyone out there that can relate & would like to share?

Posted in 50s, Fabulous 50s, Quotes that softly speak to our souls.., ^^Thought Provoking^^

**Quotes that softly speak to our souls..**

Ever read something that seemed to scream off the pages & reverberate off the walls??? Mayhaps it is the phase of life I’m in..Now that I’m one year post-50/very empty nester/divorced; the words of this quote speaks volumes to me ..Ten years ago it probably wouldn’t have..Things were different then..Heck, I was different then! So when I read such deep words from someone who accomplished remarkable things that changed our world/daily life, yet died before 60 years of age..Cliche as this is going to sound; it makes me pause mid-stroke(keystroke that is..) to ponder my own truths..@Am I the person I want to become? Have I accomplished as much as possible , within means, in my life to this point? When will I switch up from thinking outside the box to actually walking outside the box?? Either life is moving faster in the Fabulous 50’s or I’ve become more cognizant of how precious time is now…

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**What Makes You Interesting? Or Better Yet, Are YOU Interesting?**

Is being interesting in the eye of the beholder? Are some people just naturally more interesting than others? What makes a person interesting? Is being “different” the same as being “interesting”? Here is a list of things I ran across than can help to define if someone is boring or interesting…

You are a confident person.
You are up on current events.
You have at least one interesting hobby.
You are creative and like to make things.
You listen carefully to what people say.

You have a good memory.
You don’t let yourself be bored.
You read regularly.
You don’t complain much.
You start conversations with strangers.

You love to learn new things on your own.
You joke around a lot and make people laugh.
You don’t watch much television.
You tell a good story.
You are irreverent and sometimes shocking.

You are very open-minded about people. You give everyone a chance.
You refrain from talking about your feelings or focusing too much on yourself.
You are friends with interesting people from all walks of life.
You are well-traveled, and you enjoy visiting new places.
You have a career that you are passionate about.

You rarely turn down an invite to do something.
You try a lot of new things. You don’t like to be stuck in a rut.
You participate in at least one group activity outside of work and school.
You are not a snob. You don’t think too good for anything or anyone.
You don’t gossip or argue. You keep your conversations upbeat.

Alright y’all it is time to chime in! ..Are you boring & self involved or interesting? Do you find yourself inclined to spend time with people who you find interesting?

Let’s take this one step further..IF someone were to ask what makes you interesting; what would your answer be??? I’ll share if you’ll share…I’m working on my listening skills ūüôā

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Blogversary for Berna’s Vibe~The Way I See IT*

~~Its my 1 year blogversary -N- there’s no turning back
Bared my soul here~~Even talked a little smack
From politics to my radical surgery to juicy romance
Though..
No tea partiers welcome! Naw, not a fat chance

So thanks one -N- all for hearing me out
For reading my thoughts & adding awesome shout outs!
I’ve learned from you all -N- had a BALL
Looking forward to much more; so stay TUNED y’all!~~

Posted in "Just for fun"

BEST MOMENT AWARD ~N~ My 7 Nominees>>

..~~Some of the BEST moments in life are the ones you cannot tell anyone about…~~

I was nominated for the BEST MOMENT award..Woooo hoooo..As a new blogger its awesome to be read & appreciated by fellow bloggers..My list of over 130 blog spots on WordPress is an amazing list..Chocked full of people I’d never met before I joined WordPress almost a year ago..(with the exception of the person who introduced me to WordPress..) It is with pride I’ll display my BEST MOMENT award logo on my page & sincere thanks to ‘mishunderstood’ for the nomination.Also many thanks for making me feel so VERY special when I recently joined the Fabulous 50s group! I’ll first list my nominees & then the rules of this award(I changed the 15 nominees to 7..Choosing 7 was tough! But 7 is after all a lucky number..) Well actually first check out the link to ‘mishunderstood’s’ blog spot; she always has something positive to read or look at(pictures) on her blog. http://mishunderstood.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/best-moments/

My first nominee is one of the very first blog spots I became hooked ON..He uses humor , wit, and a ton of intelligence to share insightful/POLITICAL, and current events from our country to all over the world..He keeps us abreast of important matters; while also making us smile..Even when it’s not good NEWS. The one & ONLY , List of X.

http://listofx.com/

This next nominee is tied for my #1 fave WordPress blog..He IS always in touch with anything there is to know or read about affairs in D.C..and all political matters of great concern. He researches and lays the FACTS out and always has interesting comments from his loyal audience..He also shares my loyalty in following & supporting our POTUS@ President Barack Obama..And the pictures on his blog site are always a pleasure to see..He’s a true OBAMACRAT through & through! He’s included ALOT of facts/stories about Black History that I personally feel every American could benefit from reading..

Home

When I want my spiritual fix on WordPress this is my go-to spot! She’s my Sista & my church sister; and she’s the one who introduced me to WordPress..Relentless, hard-working, and the QUEEN of multi-tasking..*round of applause* and Yay!

http://spctampablog.wordpress.com/

I stumbled across this next blog site because it was Freshly Pressed months ago..A story about her beautiful daughter’s smile! There is always something joyful, beautiful , insightful to read on her blog spot..Hails from Africa and she has a heart of GOLD. So very glad I can call her ‘friend’..

http://uwana.wordpress.com/

Her name says it ALL..She IS an AWAKE Black Woman..A TON of insight on her blog spot! I’ve yet to read all of it, yet, when I’m reading there I almost always learn something NEW..She’s also included many, many links on her page to other blog sites that are positive & cultural.

http://awakeblackwoman.wordpress.com/

This next blog spot spreads a positive message..I always have a warm & fuzzy feeling after reading and sharing comments on his page..

http://messageinabottleblog.wordpress.com/

This blog spot is one of the most recent I’ve added to my faves list..I’ve enjoyed interacting with her on both of our spots..Yet another blog spot that I get that nice warm & fuzzy feeling after reading there.

http://2012spiritinaction.wordpress.com/

** The rules are as follows for all nominees; including myself(I’ll list my two lists of 7 following the rules) Nominees should do the following(if you wish)=
1. Copy and post the BEST MOMENTS logo on your blog page. (You’ll see mine freshly posted in my side bar)

2. Link back to the person who nominated you…

3. State 7 things about yourself…

4. Nominate 7 other bloggers

5. Name 7 moments you experienced that are dear to your heart..

*** Here are my 2 lists**

7 Things About Myself=

1. I’m a TRUE Cancer in almost every sense of the word..With the exception of the moody part..Thankfully I grew out of that as I grew older/matured/evolved..Born under a water sign I absolutely LOVE the water! Imaginative/intuitive/loyal/loving/nurturing/emotional/& protective are some of the positive traits of a Cancer..

2. My favorite saying that I try hard to live by? LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH.

3. Not many people I’ve met and/or friended in my entire lifetime; that I’m not still good friends with. Including both of my X’s & my X inlaws..My Xmominlaw still calls me daughter & even cross-country we speak often. I treat people as I want to be treated. What you see is what you get..IF I don’t care for ‘ya? I won’t spend time around you. There aren’t many people I can’t find at least one nice thing to say about them..

4. I am an admitted NEAT freak! I can’t think clearly in cluttered or dirty environments…

5. I absolutely LOVE talking to people! Not too many places I go(even the library..though I try to whisper) that someone doesn’t speak to me. This I feel has allowed me to meet people of ALL backgrounds/cultures/genders..love IT

6. I hated liver as a child. I STILL hate it as an adult. Exclamation mark. Period.

7. If I break bread with a person it means I consider them a friend..Meal times were always special times when I was growing up. And for me? It still is.

7 Moments I Hold Dear in my Heart=

1. The moment I held each of my 3 sons in my arms moments after they were born..NOTHING in my life tops that.

2. The first time my Daddy told me he was proud of ME.

3. The moment I realized as a young woman; that my Momma was always going to be my best friend.

4. The moment my now ex husband told me he couldn’t see his life without me in it..And is one of the reasons we’re still good friends till this day. (even cross-country)

5. The moments I watched my sons graduate from high school/graduate school/and soon we’ll watch our first family PhD graduate. It’s so very nice to be a part of such progression..

6. Being able to help host a 50th wedding anniversary dinner/party for my parents last year…Their LOVE has been an amazing thing to see/watch all of my life

7. When I stood on a California spoken word stage at 45 yrs old with knees & nerves shaking to perform a tribute I’d written to Black Women…Some of the beautiful moments in life are the ones we think we don’t have the nerve to DO; but we do it anyway!

**BONUS BEST MOMENT** Don’t want to mess up the lucky 7 roll, BUT , I’ve got to add this..When my best friend of 30yrs plus stood in front of all at my 50th Bday bash this past July & recited a poem she’d written in honor of our friendship. I didn’t even know she wrote poetry..Amazing after 30 yrs can still learn new things about those in our lives..Truly a moment to be cherished I won’t ever, ever 4get..Mad love & regard Lizzard!!!

Posted in DownRIGHT Funny**

***Whose Day Did U Add Laughter to 2Day?**

laughingdoglaughingevelaughingsealAm I the only one who makes themselves LAUGH? Am I the only one who thinks about stuff! that happens & then later on it comes to mind; and you just fall OUT laughing?!? OMG this happens in my life; alot! Lolllll making me laugh just thinking about some of it..And something that happened just a couple days ago was classic. Later when I got home? I thought to myself dangggg I bet that Nursing Assistant is discussing this with her family over dinner; and laughing their butts OFF at my expense. Oh, but if one doesn’t laugh in this life journey? Well..I don’t even want to know how that feels! So anyways, what “had” happened the other day ….>>>

So the other day I was at my gynecologist’s office..Yep! did you possibly think it was going to in a BORING setting? Naw, never>>

Anyways..this was the day I’d been mentally preparing for the prior 2 weeks..Finally going to get the options from a specialist on which type of procedure or surgery I am to receive..I’d gotten over the nervous jitters(never had surgery before & still didn’t know if it was or wasn’t Cancer & I’m sensitive about having my body probed or cut on) I was prayed UP & ready to hear the big news & move forward with handling the issue..Nevertheless all grown UP or not; my Mom came with me ; just in case I forgot I was all grown up and fainted(and yep, I wanted/needed my Mom there to figuratively hold my hand..its good to be loved) so as I was getting my blood pressure checked by the nurses assistant..And I was doing quite well sitting still(although I was ALL hyped up and ready to see my Doc & get this over with ) she’s asking all the normal questions. Any allergies? No, not that I know of. Any changes since your last appointment? No, none at all. And blah, blah , blah and then! just as I was beginning to relax she asks ” Whats the nature of your visit today?” IF looks were rated on a scale of 1 thru 10 on “pricelessness”? The look I gave her would be a 10PLUS. I really, really tried to answer her calmly. I , honestly!, felt myself amping UP and getting ready to escalate. I got all warm & flushed & felt dizzy & like I was going to vomit(and I hate vomiting so I never do IT) I tried to wait a few seconds before I responded..but I couldn’t help myself. It was at that point I realized I had NOT gotten rid of the nervous jitters as I’d thought…and this poor girl was about to get the impact of that in full force. I tried again to hold it IN and answer calmly..my throat was dry all of¬† a sudden & I felt like I’d not had water in years. I couldn’t think straight, obviously , from the response that slid from my lips. Thank God my Mom was within listening range; so I did censor what I really! wanted to say. But this is really what I wanted to say..>>

..So in my calmest-that-I-could-muster-at-trying-to-maintain-myself-voice I said..”You mean to tell me YOU don’t know why I’m here..I was scheduled for a consulting appointment with my specialist Doctor after the results of testaftertestafterprobingaftertestaftertest..”and then I went on & on ..& off I went..babbling I’m sure. I felt like I was in the twilight zone..for weeks and months I’d waited for the day to find out my physical “issue” was an issue(though pain wise I knew it was) and to be diagnosed …today was the day! And they don’t know why I am here?!¬† Lawd…then I started telling her what my “issue” was….Well, by now the nurses assistant was babbling on & on about something . I could see her lips moving..I was trying not to panic. I had prepared myself for this & now they don’t have their stuff together?? I can’t wait another moment; this is the day to start towards fixing IT. Finally..I heard her. She looked me straight in the face & was saying I am not supposed to know! I can’t see any of¬† your records on this screen; you have privacy rights. Only the doctors see your records. The doctor does KNOW why you’re here. We both sat there staring at each other for a minute..I was calming down as I realized I had just told an entire office the condition of my ovaries. Lawd! this kind of stuff could only happen to ME. And then? We both starting cracking UP. She said, through laughter, I understand you’re nervous but I assure you the doctor knows very well why you’re here..And I said, through laughter, OMG I’m so sorry. I guess I wigged out for a minute but I didn’t expect that question & they’ve never asked me that on my visits here..I couldn’t stop laughing. And then….me & Mom walked into the Doctor’s office. Mom didn’t say a word; I’m sure! she was embarrassed but I can’t help being me…so anyways the first thing the surgeon said was, “Yes, I know exactly why you’re here” OMG how did she know that fast??? Did the nurses assistant text her & say over-nervous patient on the way who is prone to wigging out IF you don’t say quickly you know why she is here??? Lawd…and now every time I think about it I fall out laughing again & again.¬† Lesson learned?>>

..There are times in this life journey that you’ve got to laugh at yourself..Especially when dealing with serious issues; it helps to ease the tension. And lastly? When you convince yourself you’ve gotten over nervous jitters about something serious? Make sure you have before opening your mouth! Or you just might add laughter to someone’s day. Is there truly harm done in doing so though? Not really…laughter is good for the soul. Think back; whose day did you add laughter to 2day?

Posted in "Just for fun"

**Psychographic Profile: West Coast Men VS East Coast Men**

My very first request-sort of challenge-dare to write a piece on a certain topic..Stemming from a comment I made on a fellow blogger’s page(and she has an awesome site here@NottakenNotavailable; which is listed on my faves list) Here is my best foot forward in meeting that challenge. Y’all¬† ready ? Get set. Diving in feet first…>

Disclaimer: Feeling a need to first give a shout OUT to all my Cali friends..Love & miss y’all!(xoxoxoxoxox) To my new East Coast friends mad regard & appreciation for y’all as well..You’ve made my transition far easier than I ever anticipated. But as I am nearing leaving my dating hiatus; there are a few highly discernible differences I’ve noticed in MEN from Coast 2 Coast..Best as I can I’ll be fair to both coasts. Lets rap>

Style of Dress: It’s no secret that I adore Cali; and I’m sure I always will. But without a doubt the MEN here; outdress those on the West Coast. Mayhaps its because shorts/T’s/sandals can be worn majority of the year on the West Coast(beautiful weather & NO rainy season) ; is the reason even business dress is more relaxed than the East Coast. And while I still highly appreciate seeing a ‘fyne brother wearing the heck! out of a nice pair of jeans & a T..there is NO substitute for a well dressed brother in a suit.(or shirt & tie)¬† OMG talk about a work of pure art. Moving quickly off that topic before I digress..>

Personality Characteristics: Though I’ve only lived on the East Coast for just shy of 2 years,¬† yikes time flew!, I think a fair sum UP of the personality types of men is true to the known stereotypes. West Coast men are far MORE laid back, free-flowing, casual, peaceful, healthier!¬† & liberal in their beliefs. Having said that I also personally found men on¬† the West Coast to also be more; consistent in every way. Which I dig ! and is mandatory in my book. And though its been said Southern men follow the unspoken & spoken rules of a gentleman; I’ve found that case to be much more true for brothers I met/knew/friended/married on the West Coast.¬† I could be wrong; but my sense of people is usually true to a T. East Coast men appear to stick to their stereotypical qualities such as unfriendly, prim, stressed the hell OUT(need to take a chill pill for real…a natural one of course ) ,UPtight, and conservative in their views & dress. And I know those sound like funky qualities but I mean them in a respectful way..Sorry guys if nothing else I’m going to keep it real & call it the way I see IT. Lets move off this topic before I piss off the male friends I’ve got here. ‘Lubs’ y’all I do!..>

Attitudes/Behaviors:I don’t even know where to start with this topic; the differences are MAJOR. Personally? I don’t think East Coast men dance enough! Nor laugh enough..maybe the stereotype , which I’ve found to be true, about West Coasters being happier ..is cause they dance, dance, dance and laugh ALOT. My first girls & only girls night out dancing here? OMG I’ve never EVA in all of my life experienced anything like it. Perhaps its the place we chose. Perhaps its because the large majority of guys there were much younger. Perhaps they just didn’t know how to dance! I’m trying to think of any excuse for it..BUT there we were a group of very attractive women wanting to dance with MEN. And yet? The majority of the time we danced as a group or with one another..I mean wtH? And one of my friends said thats the NORM here. I looked at her like she’d just spoke Greek to me..I thought and you still come out to dance? Might as well just invite the girls over & dance at home. And then!? Slowly guys started coming onto the dance floor just standing there; watching. I felt like a go-go dancer entertaining them. As IF. I love dancing; I mean I really LOVE to dance. And even if I have to IMPORT a man from the West Coast to marry ; there will be dancing and lots of it in my relationship. Never knew that was something to add to my ‘must-have-in-a-mate-list’. Jeeez and here I thought ALL brothers could dance…Can’t they? LOLLL Well they have up till I moved to this coast! There is something to be said about a man who can move on the dance floor..Enough said. Moving right along >

**I’m not finished yet..Truth hurts sometimes but here it is..**

I’ll be gentle BUT..My #1 pet peeve is ..When a person says something stand by your WORD. Say what you mean & mean what you say. I don’t know how to translate the language of I-might-if-I-think-I-can-and-if-I-run-into-scheduling-conflicts-I-will-let-U-know-after-the-fact. Nope! that doesn’t work for me. It might fly once or twice with me; but 3rd time around? You get tossed back into the pond with the rest of the fish. With the invention of cell phones/texts/emails there is NO reason a person can’t connect to re-schedule or cancel..I know cause I’ve done it. Cares less if you have to send a smoke signal or a message in a bottle..I must say this wasn’t ever an issue on the West Coast.>

Final Word: This piece was all in fun based on some true facts. I’m a great observer; probably because I’m a half-glass full type of person. I don’t miss much..All in all I’m pleased to say I’ve made several outstanding male friends here. Which is saying alot considering the short time I’ve lived here…One stands out among all the rest. Almost instantly became a trusted friend, confidant,¬† & mentor. Stays true to his word; every single time. And even juggling a schedule full of many balls IN the air; not once has he disappointed me in promised projects or ventures.¬† But then again he’s not originally from the East Coast…Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in WOW

*****I’m Just Saying…*****What The Rest of Ya’ll Thought But Didn’t Say^

Ever thought something & WISH you could say it? But the timing was off? OR better yet, U didn’t think about it until you walked away? Its time to sound OFF and let it flow from celebrities to politics..This is the way I see IT>

Starting off the top of my pet peeve list is…WHY do Americans have SUCH a fascination for NON-TALENTED folks? Enough so to make them into filthy-rich celebrities! From Sarah Palin to the Kardashians..OMG, when did the word socialite become a nice word for ‘whore’?!? How do you go from being part of a leaked out SEX video to becoming a news flash almost every , single day? I’m not even a big T.V. watcher; but I’m SO tired of seeing the Kardashians faces when I pull up my browser. I have no use for their trashy looking clothes line, their sex sweat smelling perfume, their heavy caked-on make-up line, their boring, drab reality show…I mean they can’t even act! How in the world do they end up hawking all these products? Shouldn’t the prerequisite for being a celebrity be having a TALENT? Lawd! I’m just getting started>

Talk about double standards..Lindsay Lohan has made a complete mockery of Cali’s 3 strike rule..Law even! If a Sista had even thought! about pulling half the stunts Ms Lohan has; she’d be tossed UNDER the prison. A home-monitoring bracelot? Pfft! As IF..Lindsay is a prime poster child for someone crying out LOUD for help; and the system? Has bowed down to a pretty blonde face..not cool, not right, and not a good example for the rest of today’s generation. Laws should apply , rightfully, to everyone..No matter how pretty or rich..The sad thing is she has more than enough money to get what poor folks with addiction issues can’t afford=great counseling at a live in rehab. No shame in having an addiction problem; but shame on Lindsay for not womaning-UP and seeking help. *smh*(shaking my head)

Where to even begin with this joke of the century? Can’t really blame her though; our country SUNK to a whole new level to let this one slip through the cracks..Turned us all into a complete laughing stock for ALL other countries.Jeeeeeez. Every time I think about it I still can’t believe IT..For those folks out there who talked smack about the way things are; yet didn’t VOTE. *slapping forehead* You’ve NO right to whine about any of it; so just sit back and hush! For those that VOTED for this ‘sad excuse for a so -called-quitter-politician’ WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Thankfully folks had their heads out of the sand, woke UP, and handled business this last time at the polls..And please my people NO more voting-by-hormones & lets promise to always use our brains instead. Alright, enough said on that topic. (don’t want to give her more keystrokes than she deserves) Moving right along. Ready?>

IF you’ve got a child whose is over 18 yrs old; yet under 26 yrs old/in college fulltime & needs health insurance due to only working part-time (my hand raised I’ve got 2 of them..) then say thank you to the Obama administration…I’ve dubbed this Administration the “right NOW” administration! Why? Because for once instead of waiting years & years after a term is over; this President is somehow! getting things accomplished right NOW. And, mind you, that’s with a steady flow of opposition; to..well..everything! Ever heard of any crap like that? The repugnants are opting to err on the side of retarded..oppose everything. Just because it is President Obama sitting in the TOP seat. I mean don’t folks realize that means even the GOOD stuff ; they’re opposing it?! *smdh* Whether YOU could benefit from it or not; BOLD indeed…IF you’ve got college loans to pay off; you’ve now got longer to do so. IF you were a victim of the housing crisis fallOUT; there are many programs to help you stay in your house. Foreclosure counseling , at NO cost, to help you to re-modify your home loan. Provided courtesy of the Obama administration. And the list goes on & on & on…

I once worked with a woman who worked a 2nd job; just to support her son’s ‘habit’ of only wearing name brand clothes(including $150 tennis shoes) As she was explaining to me he’d NOT wear anything else; I know I had a look of horror on my face. How could a reasonable, intelligent woman fall into such a trap? I mean ..really???? I don’t recall exactly what I said..but it was something like ..Are YOU kidding me? IF he were my child he’d either a. go butt naked. b. go butt naked. c. WEAR WHAT I BUY HIM. When did parents stop being parents? And when did parents start willingly help their kids to build UP bad habits? Anyone ever stop to think the markUP on tennis shoes alone is 200%. And only in America! They make the shoes for 1 iota of the price Americans will pay¬† here..Why buy something so expensive just cause its got a celebrity name attached? Why not put that same money aside for the child’s future college costs? I can’t recall the last time I paid for price for clothes or shoes..I refuse. And I am a clothes horse; but I can patiently wait for it to go on sale. And I do..alot. lol!

And last but not least, for now, this is my whopper pet peeve>

Is this just something that just happens to me? Or do ya’ll park wild! so that no one else can park on top of U; and yet! somehow, every single time..I kid you not..someone finds a way to park right on top of me! OMG I hate that..I’m slim but danggggg its tough to squeeeeze into my car, in heels & skirt or dress during the week..because some ILL-mannered person can’t take a hint. I don’t get it. And I try, with all my might, to park far, far away from alllll the others cars..there can be a ton of empty! spots in between my car and the front door..no matter what not once do I walk outside and my car is alone. Message to any of those parkers! reading this?!? PARK BETWEEN THE YELLOW LINES because that is what they are for, pretty please. Jeeeeez. Moving right along to the rest of the vehicular offenders>

whydriveunderthespeedlimitFrom bumper -riding 2 drag-racing in front of me; and then! driving at a snail pace..ya’ll know who YOU are. Enough is enough..get a clue & learn how to drive with road courtesy. Why come I always seem to get all of the above, when I’m least in the mood for it?!? All I want to do is get to work ALIVE or get home after a long grueling 8 -5 day or get to the MALL or anywhere I am driving..never in a mood for cluelessness. And for the love of all thats good on this earth; NOTHING is that important that YOU can’t wait till you get home to text it. Only thing more annoying than a non-driving person in my way; is to see them texting-while-driving-or -trying-to-hold-a-cell. Can’t wait till they make it against the law here; to even drive with a cell phone in hand. BUT why does it take slapping a monetary fine on folks; for them to do the right sensible , responsible thing?

One last thing before I wrap this UP..I drive a shiny , new, cute!, absolutely red compact car…SUV’s try to run me off the road rushing to probably no where important…So this is my parting message especially for ya’ll.

Posted in **RELIGIOUS**

~My Holiest Holy Week Ever~

~I honestly thought about not posting this here..Instead I was just going to write it & post on my church’s Faith blog site. And then? I decided this is such an important & integral part of who I am; that I wanted to share it here as well..Take it or leave it, Love me or not; I’m going to be ME no matter where I am..And that includes 4ever and always on my blog site. >Disclaimer in advance= These are my beliefs and my thoughts about God/religion/FAITH; all based on my life journey and experiences. I’m not saying nor implying what anyone else should believe or not. Quite simply professing I am very much a BELIEVER and this is what my Holy Week in 2013 will consist of…Ready for me? Ready or not here are my inner-most thoughts>

^Very brief(yep , I’m still working on brevity…) history lesson about Catholism. The early Fathers of ‘the Church’ used the word ‘Catholic” to describe the church because ‘Catholic’ means universal. Which , in short, means that ‘Catholic religion¬† ‘ & ‘Christian religion ‘ mean the same thing. Later, when folks began to break away from the ‘Catholic religion’ to form other religions; the ‘Catholic religion’ still remained what it has always been. The Catholic Religion..is the¬† religion which I’ve been a part of since I received the Sacrament of Baptism¬† as an infant. Moving right along to where I am today in my faith and the Catholic faith/religion>

^I’ve not always been as steady on my feet in my faith or my walk as a Catholic; as I am NOW. And while I think it is the NOW that matters the most..I also can greatly appreciate the laborious journey it took to get HERE. Scraped knees from praying & scraped knees from falling; from one extreme to the other I’ve lived it. And I’m very pleased to be able to say, with utmost sincerity, not only am I still standing..but I’m standing taller than I’ve ever stood. All 5’4 inches…well , without heels>

>I’ve gone through periods of life when I wasn’t attending Mass on a regular basis. I’ve gone through periods of life I sent my sons to Mass; yet I didn’t attend. I’ve gone through periods of life that I questioned the existence of a true higher being..to say I’ve struggled with being a full Believer is an understatement. Always wanted to be one; yet I was what I can best describe as a wanna-B-believer. I prayed to a GOD; that I wasn’t quite sure truly was listening at times. There were times I felt IF he did exist; how in the heck could he allow some of the things I lived THROUGH to have happened in the first place?!? My questions had questions…and yet I never totally didn’t believe. But I had serious doubts…and I for sure had doubts in a religion I felt(and experienced) as NOT being totally inclusive of folks of color. Folks that looked like ‘me’. I just wasn’t feeling comfy; and I hadn’t found a church home. (though not for lack of trying/and holding an elected seat on a predominantly ‘Conservative’¬† Catholic church school board..) And then…>

*My 1st spiritual awakening happened in the unlikely of places; and at the unlikely of times in my life. Unexpected, unprovoked and with no warning..just happened. Bam! What came over me was a feeling of such utter & complete immediate total JOY; that it scared me. I didn’t see any bright light at the end of a tunnel. Very much awake & I was sitting reading a Bible…something , at the time, I wasn’t accustomed to doing. Very early one morning in total quietness..suddenly..I could feel GOD’s presence. Warmth like a comforting liquid flowed down over my entire being; I can’t express it any other way. Just felt good, all over..quite suddenly. Long enough for me to be aware of it & then it was gone. But from that point on I could no longer be totally in doubt of his existence. For once in my life I didn’t have to see something to believe in it. Didn’t have to touch or feel it or taste it. Suddenly I was no longer a believer that seeing was believing..

It was at that time in my life I began to feel a need for re-newness. An inner need to start brand new. A re-start towards A re-birth. I don’t recall sitting and figuring out a plan how I was going to get that accomplished. And I’m a planner…no longer did I feel in control of my own destiny. It was at this time of my life I felt the most; lost. Wasn’t sure which direction I should head at all. Yet I was driven. That might not make any sense to anyone else; but it makes perfect sense to me. In essence I was no longer holding the reins to my life..No longer leading my own foot steps. Yet, I was on a mission. And fast-forwarding> A mission that led me over 3,500 miles>Home to my parents..A place with 2 people who loved me more than any other people on this planet>Yet, it was a place I said I’d never live, only visit, again. But I was on my way to becoming complete. Finally. I’d come completely full circle..

**My 2nd spiritual awakening came in the midst of many who looked just like me..At a gathering I’d flown 2 reach with many to attend the National Black Catholic Conference. Over those several days I knew I was right where I was supposed to be..A week earlier I hadn’t even planned on being there..It was there I realized there wasn’t just a place for me in the Catholic religion; but there was NO other place I belonged to get closer to GOD. I was home & had always been a part of it…Finally I was filled with a passion to learn more about my faith in the Faith that had been chosen for me since Birth. It was then that my re-Birth unofficially officially began..I began to fall IN love with being Catholic. I wanted to learn more &¬† more about it. From that conference I took with me, within my spirit, the same feeling shared there amongst hundreds of others like me. I¬† began to make a place for me in what quickly became my church HOME in the new city I now resided in. Same city my parents had lived for over 30 years. Their church home became mine; totally effortlessly. I don’t know if it is because my frame of mind changed & was open to it. Or a combination of that & the feeling of warmth & welcome in which I was received into the church. All I know is all of a sudden I felt like I was HOME. And my new church , almost over night, became my church HOME. I’d never felt that way about a church before..everything was simply falling into place. I joined the choir the week , alongside my parents, the week after my arrival to the “Left Coast”..Slowly but surely after that I began to get more & more involved in my new church home. I’m amazed myself! how involved I’m feeling driven to be..It wasn’t planned..Just keep holding my hand UP to serve more & more!¬† And with each day I can feel a warmth from within, like my inner GLOW, pouring out of me..There is no other way I can express it. The feeling of contentment I feel majority of the time; is something I wish I could bottle up ..and share with the WORLD. Which is what I am attempting to do , right here and now; with my words. Painting a picture, as only I can do, with my fingerstrokes. This is where I’ve come from 2 Where I am right now. And it just feels GOOD all the time>

**For the past 5 months I’ve been involved in a process..After a lifetime of being part of the Catholic church; I’ve chosen to take the Sacrament of Confirmation. As an adult this is a conscious effort & desire..it has consisted of attending 1 1/2 hr sessions every Monday. The sessions cover basic information about the Catholic Faith & fundamentally communicate the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults will climax with receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation..in front of my church congregation on Easter eve evening..The Easter Vigil Mass. With the exception of childbirth and marriage ceremony; there is NOTHING I’ve been more in anticipation of in my life. It isn’t simply a step for me. It is part of my re-Birth. Couldn’t be more symbolic than for it to take place on the eve of Easter…This past 5 months has been a period of deep reflection, prayer, instruction, discernment and formation..One of my spiritual advisors leads the sessions and is also someone I call friend..There was the perfect time, a pre-selected time, for me to be confirmed into Catholism. Everything is falling into place all by itself…When things are right, they just feel right, and they just happen. And? It just feels GOOD all the time>

Because I will always keep it real= When I first learned I was expected to attend Mass 4 times during this Holy Week it blew my hair back..WOW thats alot of church for ME in one week..That isn’t including attending my regular session at church last night. A council meeting tomorrow night. Basically that means I’ll be at the church every evening except for tonight..WOW again. Having said that & all of what I’ve shared here; that was only my first response and thoughts. After it sunk in? My thoughts now= What BETTER place for me to be during the Holy Week preceding my receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation? It is where I am supposed to be in preparation ..Quite honestly I’ve got butterflies in anticipation & excitement. I thought as the time neared I’d be nervous. I am not. I am just eager & ready. I probably won’t share with ya’ll the events of this weeks’ church activities. Even having shared this is extremely personal for me. But I wanted to share with each & every one of you something that I feel is very..Beautiful. My testimony. IF you read between the lines, that is what I’ve just shared …My life journey to here. My walk now as I try, with all my might, to walk the walk that I feel most close to Jesus’s walk. It isn’t nor hasn’t been a straight road. It hasn’t been without bumps along the way; and even now. But when I look back, briefly..every single thing I’ve experienced was leading me to ..HERE. And knowing that/feeling that/realizing that ALL my life there has been a MasterPlan..Finally becoming aware that I’ve never , ever walked alone..Reflecting back on ALL of the people who entered into my life; that were unannounced Angels..Leading me/guiding me/counseling me/accompanying me on my journey..WOW, just WOW. Feels so GOOD all of the time. I hope something I’ve shared here with ya’ll has possibly made you reflect on your own spiritual lives..We all have one…Just takes some of us longer to tap into to it. We’re all loved children of GOD created by a mighty Father..One who is so patient /merciful/& loving; that he waits for us to discover that he simply IS. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted /Blessed/and have a beautiful Easter experience..4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in LOVE, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**IS Your LOVE Language BEING Heard?**

**I adore this topic..A good friend of mine said it was a must read years ago & he was right. Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages’ is one of the BEST books I’ve ever read..Do you know your love language? Do you know that its difficult to maintain a relationship; IF your spouse/significant other doesn’t know your love language? Later in this post I’ll reveal what my love language IS..never know my future last husband might be reading this! And hopefully ya’ll will share or reflect on what yours is..

^Before I get into my informal review of the book; I’m dropping a link for ya’ll to possibly discover what your love language IS. Just in case you don’t yet know ..Simply click on the link to take a brief, fun!, quiz to figure out what your love language is>

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

~

~Many of us have relationship questions prior to entering we (I) wonder…Is there a way to know if we’re a match? Once in a relationship we(I) wonder..How is it possible to keep the love strong & solid? Falling IN love isn’t something we have control over; but it takes a concerted effort to stay IN love. Mayhaps knowing what one’s own love language is could help in countless ways; those of us who want a HOME RUN when next we fall *in love* for the last time..Lets dig a bit deeper>

Personally, I don’t know what the statistics are for couples 2 share the same love language(s). And while I do know that opposite can surely attract; I feel when opposite love languages exist it takes more than communication to overcome. Ever wonder WHY your spouse or significant other just doesn’t seem to understand what you’re communicating? Ever heard the saying that sometimes love isn’t enough to make things work out forever? Been there, done that..and thankfully we’re still great friends. However , much as I adore my wonderful friends; I’m SO ready to be *in love* one last time…I’m also ready to do what it takes to make it last 4ever…So how does one identify & learn to speak their significant other’s love language? How does one learn what their own love language is? Allow me to dig yet a little deeper>

^First, let me say(especially since I know my ex reads me here, lol!) I’ve had wonderful love relationships. In order to have closure; I had to figure out what went wrong for it to end in friendship & the love didn’t maintain itself. Honestly? I think we just didn’t understand what the other’s love language was..Thus! we loved, loved!, loved yet there were needs not being met(I’m not talking about the physical needs…) Knowing & meeting those needs is the key to long, lasting love relationships. Or so it is my belief at this phase of my life. From my experiences & from seeing, first hand, how well my own parents marriage of 51 years works. (they can communicate without a word being said out loud…amazing to watch!) Yet, there is a far greater amount of folks who love each other ; who aren’t staying connected. And it is in those situations that sincerity plus love still isn’t enough…Staying IN love takes work! So lets tackle this list down quickly and I’ll use myself as an example. Ready? I am, so lets do this>

Words of Affirmation= For some folks actions do NOT always speak louder than words…Some folks need to hear the¬† infamous 3 words said@ ‘I love YOU’. And they need to hear compliments, kind words, plenty of words of appreciation. Alot! Try this daily once you learn your partner needs this. IF you don’t; they’ll tend to lean towards someone who DOES. And when you’re in love with someone..this shouldn’t be a hard task at all. Personally? This is something I do naturally! Even with my loved ones, friends, coworkers. Honestly? I’d not be with someone who didn’t speak to me in this way naturally..thus, this is NOT one of my love languages. This is the¬† basic way I communicate¬† & its what I’m attracted to. My preference? ACTIONS do speak louder than words. IF you say you love me; yet don’t show me you love me then that speaks volumes to me. And I won’t stay in that relationship. Exclamation point. Period. Moving right along…

Gifts=There are some women who get off on receiving lavish gifts. There are some men who get off buying lavish gifts 4 women. Its not supposed to be mistaken for materialism; but the thought & effort behind the gift. I feel differently…so this is NOT my love language. I don’t feel my love can be bought with gifts. My love is priceless! Therefore there is no gift that can match that…Having said that I adore receiving gifts ; but I’m also just as likely to give gifts. Even something as unique as I am..like a framed poem I’ve written especially for my significant other. In my world a gift doesn’t have to be bought or purchased. A cobbler made in my honor(I loved that!) can bring a big kool-aid grin to my face.(even if I have to work out extra hours its worth it lol!) Or a handpicked bouquet of flowers can also melt my heart in an instant…it is the little things that matter more to me. Priceless! Moving right along>

Physical Touch=This is MY #1¬† love language. I’ll readily admit it. I’m a toucher. I even talk in an animated manner , with my hands, when I’m excited. I hug when I’m happy to see my friends/relatives/church family/coworkers even from time2time. I think one way we connect is by..touch. Otherwise we’d be robots. I think its why God gave us 2 hands; so we could touch twice as much. I love holding hands! IF I grab your hand when we take a simple walk; it means I like you alot. This , I think, stems from my Mom holding hands with us when we were younger…Or maybe I like touch so much because I was breast fed. I don’t really know “why”; I just know thats the way I’m wired. I feel most connected to my significant other; when a part of our bodies are touching one another. I learned this about myself and it is highly important to know about me. Enough on this topic because I could go on & on 4ever…

Quality Time= This is my #2 love language without a doubt. For me spending quality time 2gether makes me feel as special as I am…I dig it alot! It means you care enough about lil ole me; to give me your undivided attention. Or taking time to do something that you know matters to ME. Like reading my blog and learning more about what makes me tick. Major turn ON..A walk along the beach alone. A picnic planned for ‘us’ by my significant other. Anything that involves ‘just us time” with NO distractions. Cell phones off, no T.V.’s, no contact with the outside world. I love it and I love it alot!

Acts of Service=This love language is one in which a person likes to serve their partner…These things are done with love because one wants to please their partner by DOing for them. Its something that comes so naturally for me , that I don’t consider it as a love language of mine. My Mom is big on this one and passed it on to me..We do as an expression of our love not obligation.

Well folks thats a wrap!¬† Hope you enjoyed something new you can use in your relationship/future relationship. I enjoyed writing it & re-hashing the book . Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~~~La Bella Vita…~~~

~’There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere — and of leaving it behind them when they go.’ ~ Quote by¬† Frederick Faber

~”We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.¬† The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~ Quote by Ray Bradbury

La bella vita is an Italian phrase that simply means= A beautiful life. I made a vow to myself a few years back to do all things possible to promote beautiful moments & experiences¬† in my life.¬† I figure I can connect all of the beautiful moments/experiences(like connecting the dots..) together piece by piece to equal a beautiful life. I surround myself¬† with beautiful people whose beauty comes from deep within..I’ve drastically limited the amount of stress I allow myself to endure. I laugh N laugh from the inside out N smile so hard somedays my cheeks hurt by days end! I surround myself with lovely , bright colors and I adore lush green plants for plants signify”growth in life”. I made a promise to myself to visit places I find beautiful..like the beach at dusk. The picture above is a beach near here in Clearwater; in the very near future I’ll be standing on that beach to watch nightfall come..I bounce out of bed at O dark thirty every morning eager to watch the sunrise on another day; a new beginning! The quiet, hush while all is still dark yet with the promise of a new day peaking; is so serene to me. It is at that time I feel the closest to my GOD. Beauty personified indeed! There are SO many ugly, funky things happening in the world that we can not change..That we don’t understand or can’t grasp our mind around why they occur..For a brief moment I wanted to share how I embrace and rein beauty into my life. I refuse to get sucked into the filthy muck of this life..Think about things you can do to welcome beautiful moments/experiences into your life. Before you know it the dim of the funky and ugliness going on in the world; will be so faint that it can’t disturb your positive VIBE.¬† That is something I strive for every, single day…I can attest that it works if you stick to it. I deserve ALL¬† the beauty that this life journey has to offer. Don’t you?

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

COLORstruck

~Whether or not its a discussion as OLD as the hills; it is still sadly enough relevant in 2013. I’m willing to bet there isn’t a Black person in America who hasn’t been affected by the color¬† issue . In some form or another..and the type I’m¬† talking about¬† is Black on Black. As funky as it IS and as mind blowing it is…Colorism is alive and well amongst us. Even for those folks who “think” they aren’t colorstruck. As simple as it might seem to “others” to NIP it; it is very complex indeed. Disclaimer: As always these are merely one person’s observations/experiences/opinion. Mine. Ready? Get set! Here I go head first , again….

I recall watching my teenage heart throb(is that phrase even used nowadays? oh well, I’m old skool till the day I die…) beholder of the handsome face plastered allllll over my bedroom walls on posters; slowly MORPH into something horrific. The once beautiful brown skin with the just PERFECT wide nose and the full , luscious lips just poof! …gone. I couldn’t for the life of me understand WHY someone with so much talent could HATE their brown skin /Black features enough to do that to themselves. What happened to MY Michael??? Object of sooo many of my naive teenage dreams? Author of the OFF THE WALL album which was the BEST album of the century? How could he possibly have NOT liked himself when I and millions of others loved him so??? I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. How could anyone NOT love being BLACK?…..

So that was about the time I decided to dig a little deeper…Taking mental notes of my own personal experiences as well as reading, reading , reading about others experiences. And of course quietly observing…

Before I delve deeper let me preface by saying..I LOVE BEING BLACK. Exclamation mark. Period..and I make no apology for it. Anyone who is anyone should be proud to be who they are and what they are..and if you don’t like who you are work to change IT. However, one’s skin color should be something to be proud of for it is given to us by GOD for a reason. Or least that is how I feel about it. IF he wanted us to be any other color certainly we’d have been born that way…OR better yet IF he wanted us to all look alike he’d have done that too! But it is my inherent belief he made us different colors for a reason…but that is another topic for another time.

So one might ask if being Black is so awesome; why does colorism exist? Why are we still stuck on being COLORstruck? Haven’t we evolved enough past slavery to get past THIS ?!? And we all know it stems from slavery; doesn’t it? Hmmmm Yep, my questions bring more questions that even I can only guess the answer to; or assume. Which I hate to do! So I began listening to others experiences…the pain!(like Michael Jackson’s ..) my people have gone through due simply to the color of their skin. IF a person keeps hearing or seeing over and over and over and over again negative connotations associated with “anything”(including their skin color) what will eventually happen? And what will that person then pass on to their children???

One way to change something is to start with changing our OWN behavior…Or whatever is possible to change within our power. I recall when my sons were much smaller…People would remark about their skin color being light or lighter or whatever. And the good hair comments OMG..WE have got to let go of that also. But that is another topic for another time…My response was always the same. Do NOT bring that mess around me or my sons! I won’t allow them to even think! they’re any less Black than anyone else due to their skin tone or hair. NOR will I let anyone else plant the seeds of those thoughts into their heads..What you do or say around your children is your business; but what you say around mine is MY business. And I was serious. Also, I ‘ve had people walk straight UP to me and ask “What are you. Are you mixed?” Wth? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? I’m just good ole fashioned BLACK. Period. That has honestly been my response when anyone is ignorant enough to ask that question…I’d never ask anyone that, jeeeeez. Black IS Black folks. I don’t care if you’re one ounce Black…still BLACK. Sometimes I wish we’d gotten stuck in a time warp in the days of ‘Black is Beautiful!”..wasn’t that the 70s?

I¬† once had a brother tell me, to my face!, that I wasn’t dark enough for him to date…WOW. Blew my hair back because I’d never been told that before. Least not to my face. Appreciated his honesty, but dang!, still hurt my feelings. What the heck can I do about my skin color? Not a dang thing; nor do I plan on “doing” anything about it ..except loving IT. By the way we “did” end up dating and he’s an outstanding brother(& one of my best friends in the world)¬† that has no regrets…

We come in many shades that run the gamut …There are expectations/judgments/so called advantages/and slights that boost one shade of brown over another..It needs to NOT only be discussed but STOPPED. Generation after generation is carrying it forward. I recall when my youngest son started dating his high school sweetheart..first thing my ex husband said was”Whew! I’m glad to see he isn’t colorstruck!” Because she was dark-skinned..and my comment was”Why would he be? We raised him to not be; didn’t we?!? ” But then we talked about it and we really had¬† NOT ever discussed¬† it with our sons per se…all we did do though was not to label people by color. I’m not really sure what the answer is to stop colorism from continuing¬† to re-cycle..I think one sure way to start though is by addressing it. We know it exists. And society knows it exists; google UP what Loreal did to Beyonce’s skin in an ad if you don’t believe me. We also know that it causes DIVISION, schism and contention among us as Blacks. We can either continue to just discuss it every Black History Month or whenever; and then forget about it. OR we can discuss it and act on changing our own behavior. One person at a time might start a movement to nip it..I think that just might be how major movements/CHANGE begins. Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Homophobia in Black America*

IS this¬† fact or fiction? I’ll present my opinion and findings; and let ya’ll figure out which it is. Might as well take down one of the toughest topics first …Can we really talk about this without people getting all amped UP ,righteous,offended ,or showing a display of utter ugliness a/k/a ignorance? I¬† hope so & guess we’re getting ready to find out because I’m going in head first..First, let it be known. I’ve personally evolved alot on my stance regarding this topic. I’ll be the first to admit it; though majority who know me never knew my true feelings on the matter years ago or even now. This is such a “taboo” topic that I’ve not discussed alot…in public. (and thats saying ALOT because I talk ALOT)¬† Isn’t it something how lifes circumstances, personal growth, and knowledge on a particular subject matter can totally flip a person’s opinion?!? Or am I the only one that has happened to? Hmmmmm …And before anyone asks NO I’m not. Nor am I bi-curious. I’m as straight as an arrow and I love everything about being a woman. A woman that loves everything there is to love about MEN. However as my faith has grown so has my awareness of;things. And my love of people including different cultures has also molded my opinion on; things. As a loved child of GOD I’ve come to the realization that we are ALL loved children of GOD. Exclamation point. Period. As humans I don’t feel we can put a level of “percentage”(for lack of a better word) GOD places on sin..A sin is a sin , right? WHO are we to say who is going to be condemned or not for so called; sins? WHO are we to say what is a sin in the first place? And IF homosexuality is a sin hypothetically speaking and IF sex outside of marriage is a sin(doesn’t the Bible say it IS????) and IF adultery is a sin(“ditto”…) then who are WE to say which of those sins will have the higher percentage of winning us a spot in HELL? Truth IS none of us living folks knows…Nor do I feel we have to right to judge anyone else’s so called “sins” . (just my opinion but there are too many things listed as sins! When I found out even thoughts about “lusting but NOT touching” was a sin??? I was shocked…¬† *slapping forehead* )Isn’t it also in the Bible that WE aren’t to judge others? I’m going to dig myself in a little deeper..Buckle UP>

Another thing that helped me to open my eyes/ears/mind regarding homosexuality? The multiple sources(a kind word because they’re really hypocrits) that were fueling my opinion/belief. Religious leaders including priests all yelling from the rooftops how wrong it was. And then came story after story to the light about same sex (with children no less! ) incidents from the likes of Eddie Long and only God knows how many priests…From politicians to celebrities to high ranking officials incidents of “suspect behavior” became more rampant. It began to seem like the very people proclaiming the loudest about it being wrong; were actually involved in “activities”(for lack of a better word) that make them “appear” to either be …a. homosexual b. homosexual c. enjoy homosexual activities. Doesn’t that qualify as being hypocritical? I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to answer that one…Or is it called a cover? And isn’t it pretty foul to inflict such awful labels on people all the while knowing self is guilty of the SAME? To make matters worse alot of said leaders spouting the prejudice opinions; are in positions that can alter a person’s livelihood. For instance, changing laws like the don’t ask/don’t tell policy…Question. Why should what a person does in THEIR bedroom affect whether they can maintain or get a job or not??? Answer. It should not. And the fact that it ever did is WRONG

Question..Are WE a tolerant people? And this can be answered by anyone by the way; Black or White. For my Black brotha’s & sista’s don’t we want to be accepted in society and not biased against due to our skin color? Yep! Then how can we NOT understand the plight of homosexuals? For my White brothers & sisters don’t ya’ll want people to stop riding you for things that happened back in yesteryears a/k/a slavery? Is that not a form of acceptance? Then how can ya’ll not understand the plight of homosexuals? This topic is truly bugging me because as a people we’ve all got to come together. Whether Black, White, Purple!, Straight, Homosexual, or whatever…and until we drop the labels/the finger pointing/the highmightyness/the divisions based on trivial stuff; it won’t happen. For my Christian peoples out there? WE can do better…Should we not love everyone? Aren’t we all brothers & sisters? Yes, we should and yes, we are

None of my sons are homosexuals. BUT if they were I’d still love them! With all of my heart/being as I do now..I was asked that question long ago & even then I felt the same way. Yet, there are many Black parents who would struggle to answer that question…For far too long one of the worse fears was that one’s child would say they’re gay. It is my belief that the seed was planted long ago. And it goes deep..or least the theory I believe could explain why homophobia does exist in Black America. After all the Black Male’s sexuality has long been talked about/envied/admired/and lusted after by ALL..stemming at least as far back as slavery. If one studies African American¬† & Literature/History you might stumble upon these findings..if not you don’t believe me google it.¬† But, in slavery days there is evidence to suggest that young Black boys & Black men were forced to have sex with their White male slave owners…There were even plantations that existed, not for growing crops, but for the purpose of breeding BOYS, MEN, and girl slaves for sexual pleasure. I knew Black girls/women slaves were raped but I had no clue about the boys/men…James Baldwin also spoke of it past slavery in “Evidence of Things Unseen”.¬† Which leads me to wonder how long this was carried on beyond the years of slavery? Could this be why homophobia still exists in Black America today? I vividly recall the Black Church being very unhappy recently when President Obama stood up for same-sex marriages..and actually expected an apology from him! Yet, those very same churches said¬† absolutely NO¬† negative words against Eddie Long for his transgressions against male¬† children!¬† I’m sorry but I’ve got a major issue with anyone imposing their sexual desires on children…IF anything is a sin that has got to be HIGH¬† on the list. However, its my belief IF one’s homosexual desires wasn’t still considered “taboo” or “wrong” ; people wouldn’t feel they have to hunt down vulnerable , helpless prey . Like children. I’m not saying that makes it right, but I’m struggling(and I struggle badly trying to wrap my brain around this crime! against children)¬† for reasons why people would do such a horrific thing. People who otherwise look normal and sane…

I’m a people lover. I enjoy speaking with all people & learning different cultures/backgrounds/beliefs…I’m also a talker with a gift for gab. I’ve been known to say I can find common ground to speak to anyone & hold my own. I can and I have. From paupers to kings..I won’t say I changed my opinion on homosexuality because I’ve had/have gay friends. That isn’t the reason…the reason is because it is NOT my business what a person’s sexual orientation is. Nor is it theirs what mine is. We can chat/interact/find things in common that have nothing to do with SEX..that is called friendship. No different than I have male friends(that I’ll never have sex with) the case is the same for my gay friends. Do we agree with everything that our straight friends do in their lives? Nope. We share common ground enough to be drawn to each other as friends; but there will be differences. Even co-joined twins have differences…it is what makes us unique. I truly feel we’ve got to adopt love for everyone . Understanding and tolerance has to become the norm. We all must work harder to learn to accept things we don’t understand. We have to give what we want back in return…LOVE

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^Teaching Moment Possibilities@ BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2013^

*It would be seriously remiss of me to not write/blog regarding Black History Month. What a great opportunity to rap /teach/share on an array of topics relative to Black History. I’m going to attempt to do a topic a day; beginning tomorrow.¬† However, some of the topics won’t be popular ones by far. Or at least not spoken about “in the open” often at all..From reputed homophobia in the Black community to ARE Black Fathers parenting their children¬† to massive amount of Blacks behind bars to whether the black church is relevant or not these days to why¬† some Black women have issues with Black brothers that date White women …a ton of things I’ve written about and long to share here.¬† I do hope all that read bring an open mind and a willingness to accept that any/all of this is merely one person’s opinion. Mine. Please feel free to share any/all viewpoints . I’m ready if you are..

~To open the dialogue I’d like to say this: For all of those out there who say they’re “not” racist because they have a Black friend! or a White friend!!…That does NOT equate to anything more or less than you’ve got a Black or White friend! And?!? I always wait for the AND¬† part…because I’ve met people who fall into the above category who still hold racist views. Yet they don’t realize it. For instance, I’ve been in situations where people(my friends..)¬† will talk about Black people in a negative & racist manner; and say oh! but not YOU. Wth? Am I not BLACK? But my opinion on the matter is that with honesty anything can be discussed…There IS a discernable difference between racist views and prejudice. Likewise with stereotyping vs. racist views/feelings/beliefs vs. prejudice. I sincerely believe that until these matters are discussed openly , especially with the youth involved, there won’t be a chance for progression. And if we can’t discuss race matters/issues openly during Black History month; when can WE?

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., Motivational!, Post a Day 2013

*50 Fabulous Things About Turning 50* ..

1. #1 thing about turning 50 is that I learned & am living that with GOD and LOVE in your life..nothing is impossible. Absolutely nothing at all.

2. I am going to have the BIGGEST party of my entire LIFE for my 50th this summer..Couldn’t be more excited about that!

3. I’ve got far¬† more than 50 loved ones(including both of my parents!) /close friends/dear friends that are still living whose company I can enjoy/laugh with/hang out with/hug/kiss/talk to. NO material object on earth can compare..

4. I can recall when the majority of music involved lyrics that meant something; they just don’t make that type of GOOD music like backintheday.

5. I was around to enjoy(and then enjoy with my sons..) playing games as a family that involved the ENTIRE family. Not like the 1 or 2 player video games or internet games. Card games like Monopoly, Scrabble!, Trouble, Headache, Uno, Twister(wow what fun!) , Hopscotch, Jumprope(do little girls even do these things anymore???) Oh , how I bet parents out there wish gifts were as cheap now as backintheday…and the time spent as a family? Priceless

6. Taking to heart “my word is bond” & living by it daily. And expecting the same from those in my circle of friends/loved ones. Anything less is unacceptable. The results? Dependability rocks!

7. Focusing on things I can DO and not things that I can’t do anymore..I can still do front flips/cartwheels/the splits!/handstands/touch my toes with ease/see my toes with ease lol!

8. I’m stronger, wiser, BETTER than I’ve ever been..and ever is a very long time

9. Recall fondly the days when mobile phone meant walking around with a corded phone..and the cord was LONG enough to wrap around 4 city blocks! Dang sure didn’t have to worry about the battery running out in the middle of a steamy conversation..

10. Recall the days when leaving a cell phone at home did not¬† felt like leaving behind a limb! Matter of fact I’ve never left home without mine…anyone out there remember when we used to wait till we got home to discover what we didn’t buy at the store??? Today’s convenience is something I’ve grown to love but there is a certain beauty in being able to recall¬† the good ole days..

11. The saying about women peaking in their 40s is a LIE..I’ve yet to reach mine.

12. No chronic health issues or meds needed . No batteries either! And thanking GOD/my lucky stars/and trying to do all I can to maintain good health. If there is one word of advice for the youth that is worth gold it is.. take care of your body daily. And FLOSS after every meal..

13. I’ve no enemies..that I know of anyway! I greet even strangers like they are friends. And I treat my family & friends like GOLD. Its returned 10fold..

14. I can /and do speak my mind freely…

15. Still have most of my marbles left and no memory loss issues; or least I think so. Lol!

16. Got over the stage of thinking “I know it all”, whew! Now I’ve learned that the more I learn the more there is to learn…I’ve aligned mentors(even some that don’t know they are my mentors in any subject area I want to learn more about) Another tip for the youth= Attain mentors; you’ll need them.

17. Learned not to give unsolicited advice. Sort of…still working on fully mastering that.

18. Finally learned to be a “glass is half-full ” type of person; instead of the opposite I once used to be. And technically the glass is always FULL…unless you’re in a vacuum of space. Yep, google that one..

19. One gets OLD; when they stop playing/being playful/ or knowing how to play. I am never going to get OLD; just older & better

20. Dancing! becomes an art that when the music comes on your body just takes over & disengages from the brain. So dance, dance, dance and dance; even if it means you’ve got to dance by yourself. Dance!

21. I learned the hard way that the email “reply all” button…can yield embarrassing results IF you don’t intend to use it. Be mindful when replying to ALL emails..

22. You can learn anything at any AGE. And I’m hoping I also learn you don’t forget how to do things just because you’ve not done them in a while…more on that when I finally do IT

23. Maturity means= Even up to my 40s I took life so seriously! (especially when I was co-raising sons) Finally as I’m closing in on 50 I’m laughing more daily than ever before..

24. 50 really doesn’t feel anything like I thought 50 would feel like when I was in my 20s or even my 30s..50 doesn’t feel OLD as I thought it would at all. 50 just feels fabulous!

25. I’ve learned to drop my fears…bad things are going to happen cause life happens. But I’ve been over/under/around/and THROUGH such mindblowing, deeeeeep valleys/and just downright shiiiite and survived that its given me confidence that there isn’t much I can’t handle or live through. There is much comfort in knowing/feeling that

26. I’ve learned that sometimes NO answer is about as good as it gets. And that is just fine..I used to think life was all black and white. Or I’d just have to know the answer to the many questions I ask(I’m inquisitive by nature) But I’m learning that isn’t the case. Gray area does exist..and sometimes you just have to let things GO in order to get to the next level. And sometimes? After you let it go; the answer finally becomes clear

27. I try very, very hard to put principles BEFORE personality. This was something a very dear friend on the West Coast taught me…priceless lessons he taught me. There are times we have to interact with folks that we do NOT agree with on a consistent basis. Or something about them is so different from our beliefs/behavior…Agreeing to disagree alot works in these situations. Or in some cases just giving in works too …and this is necessary sometimes if on a team(for lack of a better word) worker towards a mutual goal. Might not be easy to understand now but when you get into situations as I’m referring to; you’ll understand

28. Small stuff DOES matter! Time spent with my parents. Priceless. Time spent doing labors of love; like a garden for my Daddy. Priceless. Time spent chatting with old friends on the West Coast. Priceless. Time spent over a quick lunch with new friends. Priceless. Laughing with new/old friends or loves ones. Priceless! Watching the sun rise. Absolutely priceless..Life is full of moments that we just have to stop to enjoy

29. Simplify. Simplify. SIMPLIFY. That IS the word of the day. Every day…

30. I’ve learned to COUNT my blessings every single day..and testify whenever possible to whoever will listen. I find myself doing this more than I ever thought I would..never thought I would actually.

31. I’ve always been a dreamer. And I dream BIG..as I near 50 I’m DOing more things I’d always said I’d DO. Living ones dreams is better than living to dream. Not getting any younger and there is NO time like the present

32. The things that yield the best results in life= Do NOT get caught up in gossip. It can be lethal…So be fair. Be HONEST. Be consistent. Be GENEROUS. Be Trustworthy. Respect others and yourself. And smile alot! It is contagious..

33. I’ve learned it is better to be KIND than RIGHT..another very close West Coast friend taught me this. And he was so right…

34. I’ve learned a broken heart can mend. Over time. Alot of time. I’m praying though I don’t have wait for mine to mend ever again though

35. Admitting you don’t know how to do something yields better results than pretending you do! The good news? Usually , or least has been the case with me, you’ll quickly find after admitting it someone will teach you what you didn’t know. I love IT when it works out that way

36. Generic store brands? Just as good as the name brand more expensive versions. Saving money is awesome!

37. Saving for a rainy day or necessity(like a new car..) just makes sense. Saving pennies or even coins does add up…Literally

38. Wear what YOU like to wear & what you feel you look best in. I never was one for following “fads”….bottom line is DO and BEing yourself just feels great. I don’t want to walk around looking like a carbon copy of everyone else..

39.Compliment. Compliment. Compliment! I always let people know I like what they’ve got on or a new hair style. Why do we think these things but don’t say them out loud? Saying them usually brings out a smile..

40. Be early. Saves alot of frustration and stress from rushing to get to places

41. Floss! I can’t say that enough…and I might say it for a 3rd time to get to the end of this 50 list

42. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I don’t take myself near as serious as I used to…result? I stopped being my own worst critic/enemy. Discovered it was impossible to reach perfection . I stopped even reaching for perfection. Now I just do my best. At anything I do

43. Stay true to MYSELF. I don’t let anyone define who I am anymore. I like me after long last. Either accept me as I am or move on…and I’ll do the same

44. Failing at some things is normal. If we don’t fail we’re not pushing our own limits. Many people first failed at things , and yet kept striving, are now considered major success stories. Life is full of ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things..I’m one of them

45. Being on time matters. If I can’t get there early I’m at the least on time. Early bird really does get the prize…

46. Floss! Omg its harder than I thought to think of 50 things..but I refuse to not finish this list

47. Not sure when I became a “ma’am”! OMG when I first starting hearing it from strangers I’d look around to see who the heck they were talking to..I’ve finally adjusted to it. Sort of…lol

48. A good debate from time to time is still good for a “rush”; but anything other than that even closely remote to having an arguement is SO over-rated and just not necessary. I’ve grown old enough to know you can talk anything out …even when not in agreement. If I’ve got to fight with you consistently I don’t care to spend precious time with you. Period. And I mean that…I’ve no drama in my life NOR do I want any

49. IF a person judges me, or anyone else, by the type of car they drive /how much money they make/or what they own…they’re NOT the type of person I want to spend time around.

50…Wooooo hoooo I made it to 50. Keeping ones’ word is important to ME. So glad I was able to with this list. Was alot harder than I thought when I chose this topic..but nothing easy is usually worth it.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~Straight, No Chaser..~

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..It IS the very definition of who she IS. Makes the she that is she..she. The true beauty of a woman stems far beyond the swell of her hips/bounce of her fanny/fullness of her lips/LOVEliness of her facial features..it is seen from in her eyes. For that is the doorway to her heart and is where love never lays dormant. As she ages the depth of her essence will  flourish and evolve in ways that surprise even her.  Her spirit, her soul!, will emerge from all she says and does..it can’t be dimmed nor stunted. It just flows naturally as a brook babbles..Her walk is  her own and can’t be duplicated; for she owns IT. Each graceful( and sometimes clumsy) step is deliberate yet  spontaneous….Passion springs from her words that come from within without prompting. When she laughs it comes from the inside out and it can hardly be muted..Laughter that was kept at bay through walking through, under, and over hurdles taller than she. A woman that embraces her inner being cherishes the flaws that make her original & unique. The one and only created by her Father to be all she can BE. She has grown to recognize she IS perfectly imperfect..If she engages in conversation she is sharing a piece of herself in every single unrehearsed word..Her light is SO  bright that even the darkest of nights or surroundings can’t silence it..She simply REFUSES  to be corrupted. Freeeee in her own skin that has taken years to acquire. When a woman learns her own essence it consistently shows itself in her words/her actions/her thoughts..Pure, unadulterated and totally undiluted reflections of who she IS shines through her exterior biological makeup. When she walks into a room she comes with all of her hopes and unspoken fears…A cazillion reasons for why she is there in the room; but don’t ask her. If you watch her/read her/listen to hear/feel her..you’ll experience her true beauty. Her essence can’t be denied and knows NO envy for it stands out in any crowd..the she that is SHE~

**Written by me about my OWN essence..I hope/pray for all my Sista‘s/Sisters out there ya’ll can embrace yourself, hug yourself!, know yourself /LOVE yourself..2 also write/express /recognize your own essence as well. Took me years N years N¬†many moons to “see” mine/LOVE mine/embrace mine @ essence¬†…4ever sincere Berna(the one & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

@Celebrate: Being BLACK in America@

February is Black History Month in America…The controversial question that still begs 2 be answered IS= Does America really NEED a Black History Month? And if so, why is it important? Also, is ONE month tribute ENOUGH? For those that are BLACK; aren’t ya’ll BLACK every single day? For those that aren’t Black ; do you attempt to learn anything new regarding Black History during February? One last question I’ll give my views on= IS Black History Month just a “token” given to Blacks to put a band-aid on old wounds? WHY is it so difficult to have a decent, honest, OPEN dialogue about RACE still in America today? ~~~~~ First, a brief history lesson on how Black History Month came to be. Or do ya’ll already know? Oh well , for those that don’t know it began because of the efforts of Dr. Carter G. Woodson & Rev. Jessie E. Moorland. Dr. Woodson was the former son of SLAVES and the SECOND Black person in history to receive a degree from Harvard University. Because Dr. Woodson felt preserving one’s heritage was important he urged the fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, to create ‘Negro History and Literature Week’ in 1920. He “chose” February to honor two men who had a great deal to do with altering the future of Black Americans. President Abraham Lincoln and Abolitionist Frederick Douglas(both men were born in February) Thus the creation of what we now celebrate as Black History Month in America was born…

I’ll briefly answer my own questions I posed earlier..Later, I’ll dig deeper. First of all , NO, Black History Month, isn’t a “token” given to Blacks in America for any old wounds caused by years & years & years & YEARS of slavery…As I’ve briefly explained earlier Black History Month was created by a Black man for Black American citizens to feel a sense of PRIDE about themselves..Something that was badly neeeeeeded when he first worked so diligently to have it created. Next, do I feel America still needs a Black History Month? Yes, I sure DO…Why is Black History Month important? I’ll dig deeper into that later. Aren’t Black Americans Black & proud every day and not just during Black History Month? Well , I sure AM. Every morning when my feet hit the floor and I look in the mirror I know several things for sure. I AM BLACK. I am a WOMAN. I am a loved child of GOD. Not necessarily in that order but being Black is always first…and I make no apologies for that. But later I will try to explain why. And the last question=WHY in the heck is it so very difficult to have an open & honest dialogue(among Blacks , Whites, and any other race/color/creed) about RACE in America??????! Especially when WE all know it is still very much an issue in our country….

For the naysayers, Black and White, who want to keep their heads in the sand; and think RACE issues don’t still exist in our country…Ask President Obama’s good friend Henry Louis Gates, Jr if it does. A highly! educated Black man who in recent years was reminded that NO matter how educated he was/is..he is still BLACK. Not even being the close friend of the President of the United States could save him from public humiliation. Just because WE don’t discuss race issues doesn’t meant it isn’t still an issue…And mayhaps IF we did discuss it more(in a civil fashion..) it could finally begin to solve the issue. Unless you were blind and deaf you certainly have seen RACE raise its ugly head just prior to and since President Obama became President of the United States…I don’t have enough time to list all the ways but ya’ll can google all the incidents/things said/happenings if you don’t believe me..

In my opinion , Black History Month, is necessary to educate ALL American citizens..Quiet as kept there are MANY Blacks who don’t even know their own history! For IF they did why would “some” feel Black History Month is no longer necessary? Begun by a Black man to give Blacks a sense of pride; I truly think it is still needed for that very reason..and more. Mayhaps if other races are educated about Blacks the race issues would cease! As I’ve said many times before we are ALL far more alike ; than different. And often times ignorance about a topic can cause people to have distorted beliefs/thoughts about said topic. Note to parents: IF you’re depending on the American public educational system to teach your child about being BLACK or about other races or Black History …it won’t happen! Get them books, share their family tree with them/ share with them family history stories..etc..KNOWLEDGE is POWER. My sincere hope/prayer is that people are indeed learning something new every single time Black History Month rolls around…As much as I’ve studied Black History including my own family history; I’m still learning new things my dang self. It is closed minds that will take far longer to move past the old ways of thinking…

~~As a person I love ALL people…of all races/creeds/beliefs. As a Catholic Christian I know we are ALL loved children of GOD. I don’t understand how any Christian could with good conscience call themselves a Christian and yet HATE with the level of hate I’ve seen/witnessed/experienced! ; simply based on the color of one’s skin. Matter of fact there is no one on this planet I hate. There are a handful of people I ‘ve run into that I don’t care for; real talk. But I don’t hate them. I just don’t care to spend ANY of my precious time being around them nor speaking of them. And only one of them isn’t Black.. I’m still praying on how to get past that…never said I was perfect.

Quite honestly¬† in recent years I’ve heard the N word used more by Blacks than anyone else..As a word of affection no less! What kind of shiiite is that?!? You can’t turn a WORD thats past is so negative that Blacks died cause they REFUSED to be called that word; into a positive word. I don’t care if it is JUST a word. I don’t allow it to be said in my surroundings . And I didn’t allow our sons to say it either…the ignorance has to stop somewhere. And I draw the line there. There is enough ignorance about what is or isn’t racism to wrap around our country a cazillion times..For the record there is a difference between racism and prejudice. Every time any of us labels a person by race, unless asked to describe someone by their race, we are exhibiting our prejudice. I’ve got my hand raised high; I’ve done it. And I try to catch myself but I’ve done it…I’m still working on that too. More proof I’m not perfect. In closing my sincere hope is that we can open up honest exchanges about RACE our country…Its past time. We’ve just TOGETHER put into office , for the 2nd time, the first ever Black man in the highest position of our country. That alone wasn’t enough to stomp out racism..Anyone who thought that was going to be enough wasn’t thinking logically. Rome wasn’t built in a day…nor can something so monumental be solved in one day or action. BUT we’re making progress…and that is wonderful! Like any good parent my DREAM is for my sons to live in a country that they are considered EQUAL…judged based not on the color of their skin..but ALLL of their years of education, their experience, their HEARTS, and all of their hard work. I co-raised my sons to LOVE all people and they do! I refused to teach them to hate..What we did do was teach them to be PROUD of who they are. Which includes embracing their Black heritage. One can’t know where the heck they’re going in life; if they don’t know who they are & where they’ve come from. And while I do have¬† a preference for who will be my love mate/life mate; I’m not racist. Though! I’ve had White guys who have asked me out say they felt that was racist. It isn’t . It is a preference. I just happen to be HONEST about my preference from the jump…Chalk it up to the level of highest respect I have for my highest male role model. My Father/Daddy who is Black..Little girls either are attracted to men like their Fathers or the opposite…I fall into the first category. Think about the preferences people have with who they’re attracted to??? Blondes. Women with big boobs.(even if they’re FAKE) Women with small waists & big butts. Women with small waists/big butts & big boobs! How about women who won’t date a man under 6 foot? Or won’t date anyone that isn’t fit or fyneeeee as heck. My preference just happens to involve skin color. And I absolutely LOVE chocolate skin..and the swagger of a confident brother??? Omg, no substitute for that…. Also, if anyone out there reading this has anything to add or correct me on things I’ve written; feel free. I’m ready to rap if you are…4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013

**Mardi Gras 2013**What it represents..DPChallenge*PostaDay*

Many who travel to New Orleans to party¬† aren’t aware of the rich culture & history that define Mardi Gras..As a 5th generation original New Orleanian(New Orleans is always HOME no matter where we reside now) I’m going to do my best to give ya’ll some background..You can take the person out of New Orleans; but can’t take New Orleans out of the person! WE are fun loving, down 2 earth, loving folks who will make you feel at HOME..and also? For sure WE know how to have a goooood time & PARTY..Isn’t life far too brief not to play just as¬† hard as we work?

>>What ya’ll might not know is that New Orleans is a predominatly Catholic/Christian city…Mardi Gras is a time to get “it” all out of one’s system prior to preparing for the resurrection. Easter…Mardi Gras precedes Lent. During Lent¬† we have 40 days of sacrifice to imitate our Lord.

During Mardi Gras much of the businesses and roads are SHUT down! It is one BIG party allll week long..People walk everywhere &  meeting new friends . Folks dressed in wild & crazy & COLORful costumes..There are parades, formal balls, and the FOOD..omg! there is NO food on earth like the food from New Orleans. The floats in the parades are beautiful ..beads and FUN galore. Kids and adults alike dance and dance

IF you want to visit a city full of LOVE and 2getherness while having a good time/IF you love to dance and dance!/IF you love gooood food and gooood people check out New Orleans during Mardi Gras! And IF you’re there next year and you see someone about 5’4 in a CUTE¬† costume/laughing/dancing/and probably talking Lol! then say “hello” ..because that will be ME.

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Post a Day 2013, ^Political, ^^Thought Provoking^^

*VIOLENCE*The New NORMAL in America?!? It will always beget VIOLENCE

Why IS our country so obsessed with guns?!? And why does NRA have SO much pull it can toss loopholes(and has…) into even the best laid out plans to fix the gun issues in America like the Brady Bill? Mind you that was yet another time in history folks got all wound UP and decided to make a change to the guns laws…due to a violent act , by gun, against James Brady(was shot by Hinckley, Jr during an assassination attempt on Ronald Regan) WHY does their (..NRA’s) say or voice matter more than OURS; aren’t WE the people the ones whose VOTE is our voice?! And WHY does it take a violent act, by gun, against groups of children or government official to inspire politicians to do the RIGHT thing? IS the NRA paying off politicians or what?!?? And THIS question truly begs to be answered: WHO are all these Americans(including NRA members) stock piling guns UP to hunt ????? Hmmm think about that for a minute…

**And I know its out of desperation to save lives BUT..what a SHAMEful day it is that has come when WE there have to be ARMED guards in American elementary schools! A very SAD day indeed when parents have to be fearful when sending their young ones off to school..*shaking my head* After I cried a river of tears over the recent incident of “babies” slaughtered; my 2nd thoughts were THANK YOU GOD my sons are grown and finished with public schools(And yet! my sons are in college and I’ve lived to see folks NUT up and go shooting sprees on college campus as well) ..Who would’ve thought an American parent would ever fear sending their young one off to LEARN? Is this still America? Land of the free and my country “tis of thee ; of milk and honey. A country that boasts proudly of being the BEST place on earth…

Should it only be the parents of innocent children SHOT that speak UP for what is right and just? How many more shootings are going to take place before WE the PEOPLE stand UP and say ENOUGH is ENOUGH..Don’t we all deserve to feel safe while doing random things?!? Like walking into a movie theater to watch a movie. Like walking into a Walmart to shop. Like sending young children off to school.¬† Like walking through a neighborhood wearing a HOODIE.

And then! 2 add insult to injury NATIONAL GUN DAY this year..was the very same weekend as Martin Luther King, Jr holiday. A man known for nonviolence who was himself gunned down & assassinated by a rifle. Talk about blantant-in-your-face-don’t-give-a-dayum-BOLD-moves…What did we do to try to nip it? Where was the outrage?!? Have we forgotten that multiple voices are amplified in great volume? Have we forgotten all that was accomplished during the civil rights movement by the masses?!? Has the majority just become a bunch of mute, drones going through motions of life but NOT trying to change things for the better? If things continue forward in this manner what will the next generation have to endure?

When will America wake UP? Or have we become a society that has accepted unanticipated & unprovoked violence with guns as the NORM? Do YOU feel as safe today walking about minding your own business; as you did even 5 years ago? It apparently can happen anywhere…from college campus to elementary school and anywhere in between. Land of the free? Truly home of the “brave” to walk about and feel free/secure/safe¬† these days..Do NOT sit out on voting and or getting involved in YOUR/OUR country; get UP and do your part. Go to City Council meetings/learn the legislative process for heaven’s sake!/write to YOUR congressman to speak your disgust! with the lack of present gun laws/MAKE THE POLITICIANS WORK FOR THE SALARY/CUSH BENEFITS WE PAY FOR!..Many great changes took place right here in America from grass root efforts. Lest WE forget that ONE voice/one person! can start a momentum rolling…It only takes one very small spark to light a fire folks. Things are so OUT of control….but one can never lose HOPE that we can’t once again make AMERICA the great country it has the potential 2 B . WE can do this. It is time to help our President change things for the better. America has become the #1 spot in the world for obesity…Get OFF the couch and keeeeep it moving. WAKE UP AMERICA your children are dying far before they’ve lived their lives…Senior citizens who worked ALL their lives have to pick & frigging choose which meds they can afford..Working class folks have to WAIT to tend to medical needs..The American Dream of owning a home has become a distant dream to MANY..WE can do better! And we must…Our children/future grandchildren are watching & depending on us to do OUR part

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, LOVE, Positive Movement Topic, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Lovers Lesson 101: Think With Your HEART*PostaDay^Berna’s Way..

**This is one of my fave topics in the entire world. In this life time. LOVE..So kick back, get comfy, grab a snack because I’m on ONE this morning! And I’m ready to talk about love; the way I see IT. Sorry folks but I can’t think like a MAN. Though I’ve got the “Act Like A Lady” part well practiced & lived for years. Why can’t I think like a MAN? Quite simply because I’m not one! And though I can “appreciate” my bro Steve Harvey’s “opinion” on love matters…I’ve got my own. Comes quite naturally for me 2 think with my heart & its mandatory that my future man be capable of doing the same. Here I go!¬† I’m diving IN head first…

**For the YOUTH I hope, and pray! ya’ll don’t let the mass “failure” , yep! I said it, of love relationships scare you from falling IN love. I hope you find a good example out there, somewhere, of a solid, true love relationship to have some guidelines @what a loving relationship even looks like. As I’ve matured¬† & trying to age oh! so gracefully I’ve come to learn alot of folks don’t have that..I’ve met far few people who are from homes that weren’t broken; than not. I’m blessed in many, many ways..took me so long to come to realize that. Might sound like bragging but it is simply the truth. Fighting the urge to digress ….Simply said as a child of life long parents IN love/still married/life partners; I had no excuse to fail at marriage. Right? Mayhaps…so instead of beating self UP(done enough of that over the years..) I’ve decided to look back on my love relationships, briefly, to discern what the lesson was/IS. My sum UP(a Berna’ism) from experiencing being “in love” 3 times; is that I’m pretty dang fortunate. Only married one of them and friends still with all 3 of them…Let love begin with friendship. Why? Because love that is allowed to grow from a friendship; never ends. You’ll no longer desire to be in a union with them; but you’ll always care for them as people. Lovers lesson #1=Choose good people with good hearts…It matters!

^There is NO substitute on this planet, in my humble opinion, than being IN love. A close runner UP to giving birth/life! to being the number 1 type of love one can experience on earth. Letting go of one’s heart strings is worth risking possibly being hurt…It has taken me years to truly believe that and to be ready once again. Being ready to love means trusting someone with your prized possession..Your HEART. For some of us that are so used to being control freaks; letting go to BE loved is not an easy task. Especially when one has been hurt before…If you’re young and have already been hurt you must first forgive whoever hurt you. And then let that hurt and pain GO. There is no chance for new love if you’ve not done that first…Exclamation mark. Period!

Love IS how you feel when in the company of the object of your affections!¬† That is how one falls IN love..When someone else’s heart links UP with yours. Sometimes very quickly. Yep, I’m a believer in love at first sight. Not just from a visual perspective but when 2 hearts and 2 souls link UP from the onset…Has happened to me once and it was as¬† real as real can BE. With love even the impossible is quite possible…

I think women and men are as different as any two things on this planet…I feel GOD made us soooo different to always keep things exciting/fresh; and far from boring. Just trying to link UP 2 such different ways of thinking takes alot of effort/time/patience/trust/RESPECT/understanding/COMMUNICATION..and when alll of that syncs UP it is something that NO one(no man, no woman!, nor creature) can break apart. Solid as a rock; Ashford & Simpson wrote a song about that once. But! thatsbackwhentheymadeREALsongswithREAL lyrics…

Think with your heart and trust the feelings that come about because of it…Try hard to remember IF it is meant to be; it will BE. So don’t attempt to force love. Don’t settle for ANYTHING less…if you think with your heart it is easy to discern real love from lust. For the younger woman out there never forget this=ANY man can lay down with you and have SEX…Takes “the man” your “the ONE” to make love 2 you; he will take you 2 heaven mentally! He’ll fill your thoughts ALL throughout the day and every¬† single one of your dreams at night…I wish for ya’ll the same thing I’ve prayed for & know will enter my world this year. I can feeeeeel IT coming…Instead of just saying I’m waiting on my “the ONE” I’ve got a new name for it. I’m waiting on *MY BARACK OBAMA * to find me! Not Michelle’s(she better be glad she snagged him first cause there is a longggg line of us who wanted to be #1 ) but a different one with the same qualities(ohhh he loooooks at her with such LOVE) ; one that was created/born! just to love ME. And on that note I’m signing off….Until I read ya’ll/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, **RELIGIOUS**, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^The way DOWN is the way UP?^ Makes perfect sense 2 me..*WordPress DPChallenge

**No worries..IF the phrase@The way down is the way UP doesn’t make sense to U yet; it is because you’ve NOT¬† entered the 2nd part of your spiritual life. Least according to the author, Richard Rohr, who penned the book ‘Falling UPward’.¬† A recommended read by one of my spiritual advisors & also one of the BEST books I’m glad to have read. Ever…and ever is a very long time. Are ya’ll ready for the way I see IT? >

**I was simply going to do a review of the book,’Falling Upward’by Richard Rohr(also penned ‘The Naked Now‘which is also on my reading list) then I decided to write my thoughts on his book. Which is SO aligned with the phase of life I’m in right now..feels as if I could’ve written it! Ever read a poem/quote/book and said ‘Dangggg I could’ve/should’ve written that first?!?

The message conveyed with the phrase@The way DOWN is the way UP is simple and clear. >A person can NOT avoid sin or making mistakes in life! I tried waybackwhenIwasstrugglingtobeaperfectionist…IF one tries too hard to NOT sin/make mistakes ; it can (and usually does..) lead to worse problems. Trip on this for a¬† minute…cause I had an AHA moment when I read this in the book . Remember the story about the prodigal son?!? Who had done everything in his life totally wrong? And the other son had done everything totally right in his life? Who ended UP being God‘s beloved?!!!

**ONE of the best-kept secrets of the soul¬† is this concept…One more example before I truly dig into this..Sleeping Beauty! We’ve all heard that fairy tale story told , right? Hows that for an example of LOSS and RENEWAL? She has to sleep for a hundred years! before she can receive the prince’s kiss..WOW thats a longgggg time to wait for some loving! But the question that begs to be answered is WHY is it this concept a secret of the soul?!? Or is it that we make a deliberate choice not to see it? When we see we’re heading into a down spiral we kick and scream against the flow; who wants to go down or what is perceived as backwards? Or worse at a standstill? Why do we “fear” feeling bad for a minute? Especially when in actuality “during” and once pulling out of those awful times…the clarity achieved during the seemingly “stand still ” positions is mind blowing. Or least it was for me. I knew I’d grown in major leaps and bounds when I could finally! glance back(for a brief moment) and see clearly the lessons I was supposed to GET during the awful bad times. One such case in particular my divorce so long ago. I never thought I’d EVER want to love again after that..Divorce to me then meant failure. And failure wasn’t an option for me at that point of my life. Such a perfectionist I “used” 2 be

>In a nutshell its my belief now that NOT only are we to learn from our mistakes in this life journey; we are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. It is a part of the human experience..Isn’t victory sweeeeeter after having attempted , again, after first failing? Don’t we appreciate the things in life that we did NOT take for granted? And the “suffering” periods some of us have been through..often I’ve said I had to learn the hard way alot of times. Could mayhaps that have been the only way I’d finally get “it?” I once said, after divorce, I could NOT wait to get to the “other side” of the funky feeling I felt. And felt that funky feeling for years and years..A friend quoted me on that in one of his published books. But when I finally did get to the other side?! WOW I can’t stop smiling. And smiling. And laughing..for there were a few years I’d forgotten how to laugh. I can smile and laugh because I made it through and crawled my way through alot of shiiiiite tunnels. Would life have been this sweet to me now if I hadn’t had to wade through “ish” to get here?

What I know for sure is for the past couple years I don’t have many rainy days. Maybe a handful…not because crap hasn’t happened. But because I began to change MY entire way of thinking. Entirely. One must learn to find beauty in everything. Even the bittersweet things. The good times wouldn’t be as good; IF one hadn’t also experienced and survived bad times. And that is the way I see it every single day now. From the moment we “wake” up each day we’re blessed! And in my opinion if we look at the fresh start of each day with that positive thought..the entire day can’t be all negative. We only have all bad days if we want to. The choice is ours<

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Post a Day 2013, WOW

>>BLOGGING is…<< WordPress DP Challenge*PostADay*

Blogging IS something I’ve quickly grown to love…Not only that I couldn’t have picked a better place to begin my new venture than WordPress! I’ve had an amazing 3 months here and of course I’ve got a few things to say about it. This is the way I see IT..

Deciding to BLOG isn’t an easy decision..least it wasn’t for ME. I was going to expose my most intimate and innermost thoughts/ideas/feeeeeelings. In a sort of way like being butt-naked and walking into a formal event! Can you imagine?!? Anywayz its been something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now..for several reasons. To first & foremost share from my lifes’ journey with the youth..the good, the bad, and yep! the ugly. To nuture and share love is part of my natural DNA. However, I wasn’t quite sure how I’d be received or what I’d encounter..for I can be quite blunt and at this age say pretty much what I’m feeeeeling. Just flows off my lips and now my fingertips. And after all this is the internet! Took cajones(not literally for I’m all woman..) to join a website, with NO prior knowledge of how to even design a page(still learning; I can’t tell you from day 2 day what color my font will be lol!) and share parts of ME/my thoughts/my experiences/my original poems/my emotions¬† with the entire world. To be precise¬† I’m ONE in 60, 593,723 bloggers on WordPress. And to receive comments from even ONE person in the midst of such outstanding writers?!??? I am humbled , almost, beyond words…I’ve had people from alll over the world hit my blog page: Canada, Cambodia, Africa, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Argentina, England, France, India, and of course my country the United States. I’ve interacted on blog pages with people from all countries, all creeds, all backgrounds..pretty much the same as I do offline. I’ve invested alot of my spare time into what I share here…proof reading over and over after I let my thoughts flow freely from my fingertips. I’m always COGNIZANT that this is a permanent carbon copy of my words. Of parts of me…Who knows? My future grandchildren might one day read this! My parents read this. My church family/family members & friends read this. And recently my hair was blown back! when I discovered co-workers actually print what I’ve written here as a momento! OMG and WOW..talk about humbling. So, I say all of this to take a brief station break from posting a topic to say THANK YOU to ALL of YOU.¬† You’ve made my first step into the blogging world a BEAUTIFUL learning experience. And as I further work on my writing skills I aspire to reach the level so many of ya’ll here are..ya’ll keeeeep the bar raised HIGH here. I love IT. As always stay UPlifted & blessed until I read/write ya’ll again…4ever sincere Berna (the 1 n only)

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Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Health Matters*, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

`PILL POPPING PIMPED PEOPLE` *DP PostaDay Challenge*

**DEEP¬†topic ALERT** I’m going 2 do my best 2 give this topic the due justice it deserves..Are ya’ll ready for me? I’m diving IN head 1st..I hope my uncensored & deep thoughts don’t offend anyone BUT¬† this is the way I see IT>>

~~It is NO measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly  sick society~~Quote by Krishnamurti

We’re living in a society which now thrives on instant gratification. A wait of more than 5 minutes is far too long..I find myself guilty as charged! Can’t stand waiting in line at the supermarket. I have to distract myself by reading(thank you GOD for the magazines at the check-out stands) while I’m waiting. Can’t stand waiting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. (I’ve got a phobia after being rear ended in Cali, twice!) Even found myself impatiently waiting on text responses..OMG¬†why haven’t they answered my question??? And its only been 15 minutes or so; THAT is ridiculous of me. (especially since I do NOT respond sometimes to texts for hours..) But hasn’t our society also become very hedonistic in nature? For I feel not only do we want things quicker! faster; WE also want things right now that make US feeeeeel good. Even if it is to know we’re SO important to someone they’d answer our texts within minutes…But , how did we get here? I don’t recall backintheday¬†feeling as if things had to be so rushed! I remember a day(OMG I’m starting to sound like my parents..) when we’d have to wait to get home to discover we’d forgotten to buy something at the market. Long, long before the birth of cell phones or even the old-skool¬†beepers. Backinthedays¬†when people actually walked UPright; and not bent over walking peering into a smart phone! As IF we can’t wait to get to a stand still position to keep up with texts, news, or Facebook happenings..Jeeeeeez. Have those things really become that important to us?!? When did it come to pass that folks stopped learning how to deal naturally with bad feelings or bodily symptoms? Got a headache? Pop a Tylenol in your mouth! Got menstrual cramps? Pop a Midol in your mouth! Can’t keep an erection? Pop a Viagra¬†in your mouth! Feeling SAD for longer than 5 minutes? Pop a Prozac in your mouth! Want to win a cazillion¬†Olympic medals? Pop illegal pills in your mouth! Feeling moody for a day? Pop a pill ! Kids can’t keeeeeep¬†still in school? Give them some ritalin; which I feeeeeel then gets children HOOKED onto drugs for LIFE…Real talk¬†

**About 20 years ago I began to see a distinct change …Prior to that I wasn’t even aware of¬† how many CHILDREN¬†were being prescribed(with parental consent!) drugs. Backintheday¬†when I was in school there were just hyper normal ACTIVE children..We had what was called recess and P.E. to run off the energy. AND our parents didn’t load us UP with all kinds of sugary foods…least mine didn’t. My bro and I used to BEG my Mom to buy pop tarts/sugar smacks cereal(do they still sell that?) and anything with tons of sugar in it. BUT she didn’t cave in..we ate cheerios, rice crispies, etc..The things I’m thankful for now; that I hated as a child. Sorry I digressed badly with that flashback. But anyways back to 20 years ago I experienced a teacher, yep!, telling me mayhaps¬†my middle son neeeeeded¬†“something”…Something like what? Something to help him NOT to be so active..Oh, really??? I won’t tell you what my first response was to her. Nor will I tell you what my 2nd response was. BUT I wasn’t the person I was today back then. My tongue is a lethal weapon; I’ve learned how to bite it alot these days…Back then? I’m sure till this day, if she is alive, she recalls what I said to her…

Note to parents: YOU are your children’s advocate and VOICE. No one, and I mean no one, has the right to tell you to put your children on drugs. Not even to suggest IT. And IF they do and they happen to be a public educator; you can make dang sure they’re disciplined and or FIRED. It is my sincere belief that putting children on drugs! at early ages; can get them on a path of addiction. I don’t need a study to tell me this. I’ve witnessed other people(I never let anyone prescribe mood altering drugs for my middle son or any son I’ve got) whose children later became addicts. I’ve also heard stories from addicts who feel that is how/why they became addicts. Doesn’t it make sense? First of all anything you have to wean someone OFF of gradually(which you have to do with those drugs); can’t be a goooood¬†thing. Second of all the same results can be attained by altering a child’s diet. Give them little to NO foods with sugar or color additives..The healthier option anyway! Stop feeeding¬†them junk food just because it is more convenient. Keep children active. Get them involved in school sports activities..All 3 of my sons were active, hormonal , NORMAL boys. ¬†Even in a city with temps of 100 degrees plus in the summer, yep! it was hot as HELL,¬† we took them to the park after dark to RUN off their energy. And the school gym. And walked alot¬†in air conditioned¬†Malls. By whatever means necessary worked their energy¬†OFF; with 3 young¬†ACTIVE ¬†sons it was also a survival tactic. Otherwise I’m sure we’d have gone bonkers! ¬†But I had a friend whose teacher told her/her husband IF they didn’t put their child on ritalin? Said teacher was going to tie their son to a chair to keeeeeep¬†him still…I was horrified when I heard that. Tried with all my might to talk them out of doing it. But they did ; and started years of having to alter the level of ritalin . PLUS watching that child go through all sorts of physical emotional changes..Including walking around like a drug numbed zombie. And I’m sorry , in my opinion, that is not normal for a young growing boy.

>Before I wrap this up let me preface by saying …I’m NOT speaking in regards to people who takes meds for health issues. Nor do I have the right to judge anyone who chooses medication to stay alive. What I will say in regards to that is for the youth….an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Translation: eat well, treat your body right, exercise!, drink tons of water, intake fresh veggies/fruits. I’m still doing those things even at my age..trying with all my might to “not” have to join the ranks of pill poppers for health reasons. Much as I love life though if my Doc ever says I have to…Well , hopefully I won’t have to be concerned with that decision anytime soon.

Mood enhancers. Mood -altering drugs…Are they really necessary? Can’t becoming dependent on them cause death??? As seen with my beloved Michael Jackson, Whitney and even Tina Marie. What about folks like Charlie Sheen? Talented as he is; he looks about a cazillion years older than he is. And how about the folks who get on a drug for chronic pain? And then due to side effects have to get on another drug? And another drug to get over the side effects of that one! It happens…Not only that one can become addicted to pain pills. Even with the warnings that a drug can be addictive; people still need something to dull unbearable pain. And though I wouldn’t indulge I still feel natural drugs should be made legal! Like marijuana…but that is another topic for another time. (could be one heck of an anti-depressant though couldn’t it??! ) As I stated in another post though one of the very BEST anti-depressants doesn’t cost a dime. And it is alllll natural. SEX. I won’t digress though for thats a topic I could speak on for far too long. (scroll back to the topic in my blog …) How about folks altering their state of mind instead of popping a pill??? Just say NO to drugs for mood enhancing and try the alternative of doing it naturally..Exercise is a mood lifter! It releases endorphins in the brain/reduces depression/promotes self-esteem. IF folks in our country exercised more we’d not be the leading country in OBESITY; and possibly not so hooked on anti-depressants. 2 issues solved with 1 solution=What a bargain! (anyone out there recall when that phrase was popular? lol!) Pharma companies revenue climbed more than $200 billion between 1995 and 2010. Thats alot of loot¬† folks..and they’re now spending 19 times more self-promoting than basic research. Now I don’t say all of this to say that there aren’t people out there with true depression issues..There are. Mental illness is a serious issue. BUT what I am saying is there are alot of people who do NOT have serious depression issues…that are on meds. Including children…In my opinion? All other natural options should be considered first. Its very easy to pop a pill. But it is VERY difficult to stop an addiction that can start with popping pills..And addictions can grow. Ask Rush Limbaugh. That IS…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^Political, ~To B Continued

~~My Interview of President Barack Obama (creatively speaking..) ~~

Last night I attended a¬† very classy celebration to honor¬† President Barack Obama(took place at a top tiered university alumni¬† hall here) ..Hosted by a FABULOUS group of 20 Black Women who decided to start an organization¬† to do THEIR part to help GET Barack Obama into the White House¬† the 1st time.¬† An amazing group of women who did what we should ALL do when we want something done..they did it themselves. They contributed over 1,800 HOURS of their own time to President Obama’s campaign this past year alone..their accomplishments are countless!(including money raised for both campaigns, voter registrative drives, starting/maintaining college scholarships, etc) Simply called themselves Club 44(President Obama is the 44th president) they’ve inspired ME to always remember that ONE person can make a difference. And in this case..20 people. I’m a¬† true Obama fan since the day I heard his speech at the DNC in 2004; and 2nd only to the 1st lady as his forever cheerleader! I’ve read both of his books; before he became the President of our country.¬† Watched hours & hours of his interviews & news clips. Often I’ve said he is one of the few people on earth that I could listen to endlessly, and BE spellbound, even if he was speaking about basket weaving!¬† Later on 2day I’m going to flex my imagination/my creativity/& my writing skills to enact a mock interview of President Barack Obama..I’ll ask questions I’ve always wanted to ask him & hopefully cover some you’d like to ask¬† him as well. The questions will all be original questions from my minds’ eye. Some of the answers will be actual words straight from President Obama’s lips.(from transcripts) Other answers will be what I “think” he’d say ;¬† from all that I’ve heard him say(or read) on specific topics. BEfore I dig in I’d like to say its my desire to get some little known FACTS about President Obama printed in black & white. There is MUCH thats been accomplished by his administration that the media has NOT printed.(well not on front pages…) I do hope that American citizens continue to do their own due diligence prior to voting in any election. Don’t lean on hear-say nor the media to form your opinion ..Not alone anyway. I’ve gathered information from an array of venues and I always will when voting. Voting is a right that even if I have to crawl to the voting booth; I’ll always participate .¬† I once ran for political office & used the slogan” YOUR vote, is YOUR voice..and to this day I still feel that way.

~~IF given the opportunity (and who knows what the future holds; NEVER count me out on anything I want to DO) to interview President Barack H. Obama II; these are the questions I’d ask~~

President Obama first I’ve GOT to say what a honor it is for me to interview you..I was your campaign “warrior” long before many knew who you were back in 2004. I joined voter registration drives in 2007 for the 1st time ever! Because you were running..I also became a 1 woman walking verbal billboard for you at that same time(and I talked to ALOT of people) So having said that , and hoping you’re comfortable here with me, my first question IS:

**Name something, not well known , you support or are in favor of? > “Allowing churches to provide welfare services . <

**Can you share with those who might not know(but by the way I know already…) the program YOUR administration designed & implemented to keep defaulting homeowners¬† IN their homes? >”A $75 billion dollar plan/program called , The Home Affordable Refinance Program. By July 2010 , 390,000¬† homeowners, had permanently re-modified their home loans. Which allowed them to avoid foreclosure and keep their homes. The program is also known as , The Obama Refi Plan. <

**Are you for or against a woman’s right to choose? >” Abortion is a woman’s right for its HER body; & her choice on what to do with her body.< Period!

**President Obama as of this moment the “average” person can’t afford to run for President of our country. I find that totally UNfair and very discouraging for today’s youth. What have you done, if anything, to change that? >”The first bill I¬† ever passed was the , Campaign Finance Reform bill. It was the first in a generation in Illinois. In terms of my OWN campaign, I did NOT accept monies from lobbyists nor PACs..<

**Your administration President Obama has had ALOT of firsts! I don’t think the majority know just how MUCH you/your administration has accomplished. Off the top of your head please give us ONE such example of a first you’ve acomplished while President? > ” WE launched the first-EVER National study of discrimination against members of the LGBT community in the rental and sale of housing. It was determined that LGBT¬† discrimination should be subject to a standard of ‘heightened scrutiny’. Also another first of MANY; myself & the 1st Lady led the first-EVER White House conference on bullying prevention.<

**President Obama WHY do you think your efforts at bipartianship didn’t work out as you’d wished for? >”…I think Republicans made a calculated decision which was, ‘, You know what? WE really screwed UP the economy! Obama seems popular. Our best bet is to stand on the sidelines…Because WE think the economy’s gonna get worse, and at some point, WE’LL be able to just blame Obama.'<

**As a woman I feel women should rightfully be paid the same wages as men..Of course for doing the same work-load holding the same title…How do you feel about equal pay for women? Especially considering you’ve got two young daughters…>”The very FIRST bill I signed into law on Jan, 29, 2009 was the, Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. It was an amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1964…By signing it into law it allows women to be able to challenge legally if they’re victims of pay discrimination. “<

**How do you feel about Photo I.D. requirements for voting? >”I sponsored rejecting the notion! It disenfranchises Americans. Specifically African Americans and large minority populations. “<

I’ve got just one more question President Obama. Of a personal nature…Did you get the tribute poem I wrote for you recently & sent to the White House?>”Yes, I did….I¬† love IT!”<

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^HIGH Maintenance Alert^ Recently I was asked if I was ~N~ my response was a FAT fib..

^Setting UP the scene for ya’ll which brings this topic to mind:¬† During my weekly lunch breaks I head to the Mall sometimes.¬† 2 squeeeeeze in alot of walking( GREAT exercise) while I window shop. Sooooo on this particular day I’d walked past a DEAL I had to stop in to check out..Shoes, shoes and rows of shoes on sale for 50% OFF..OMG, my ideal of¬†¬† heaven!..Anywayz I was leaning down strapping on a pair of heels when I heard this voice say. ” Those compliment your legs”. I looked UP and there was the HOTTEST(his picture is probably listed on google somewhere under ‘incredibly SEXY & fineeeeee’)¬† brother I’ve seen¬† since moving cross country almost 14 months prior. For a¬† minute I thought I was dreaming. ( I do alot of that lately..) I had to blink twice to make sure I was really seeing him. BUT , I wanted to remain smoooooth and composed. So I opened my mouth and said something really stupid! “How long have you been standing there watching me???”¬† And then? Instead of giving me a sassy retort ; this brother began to “use” the very dating technique which I thought! I’d mastered..until he began to use IT. And blew my hair back with his questions. He began to interview me , right then & there, on the spot! With me, caught very OFF guard, these were my answers…

…His answer..”I’ve been watching you long enough to know I’m interested in knowing more about you”..OOooo I thought to myself, goooood answer. Then he said, ” Do you have a minute to humor me?” So I said,”I’ll give you 15 minutes as you walk me to my car because I’ve got to get back to work”..I¬† had no clue he was getting ready to give me his own interview questions. Quickly, but he managed to get it done. Told me to answer in one word or two if possible..OMG he doesn’t know I’ve got an issue with brevity! My stomach was doing a combination of somersaults and butterflies..didn’t know if I was going to vomit or explode from nervousness. I hoped! I didn’t look as nervous as I felt and yet also very..excited N intrigued. HE was(is) different from the onset. And I truly dig different & unique..

He began with ” Are you seeking a relationship? And if so, do you know what type? ”¬† I answered, yes/yes. “Whats your biggest pet peeve? I answered, married or taken men that hit on me. “Whats your idea of your favorite date night? ” Hmmm this will take more than 2 words. I’m picked up by my date. He has chosen the place and not told me. I love being surprised! He has planned something that is special, took forethought, and something that will involve quality time spent. “If you could have any superpower what would it be? And why? ” Ooooo good one! I wish I could magically give all hungry people food, all homeless people homes, and all people without love in their lives, love! Because love can make all things possible and I don’t feel anyone should be hungry, homeless or without experiencing love. “What is one of the most embarassing moments in your life?” Ugh, had alot of those! But one of them was the time I ran into a parked car one morning on the way to work. Longggg time ago cause I know how to drive now. VERY embarassing and I had my eldest son in the car with me…He said, “Damn that is a pretty bad one! Were you both ok?” I said, yes, how thoughtful of you to ask that…”What physical feature do you like most about yourself?” I said, my lips. “What physical feature do you hate about yourself?” I said, my oily skin. “Who is someone you wish you were closer to?” I said that is an easy one, GOD. And I’m working on that daily. “Are you high maintenance?” WOW things were rolling along SO well. We had just reached my car. This was the first time I’d paused before answering…How the heck am I supposed to answer that??!??? Especially when I think I know the answer and I’m big on this is ME take me as I am; BUT no one has ever asked me this!!!! And then I opened my mouth and told a bold faced lie. Which because I knew I was telling a lie has got to be a double whammy SIN. I couldn’t look him in the face when I answered. So I started fumbling with my keys and mumbling I had to go back to work. Danggggggg why did he have to ask that question???? *sigh* He was watching my every move and I suddenly felt like he could see every bit of me. Including my soul..I opened my mouth and said “No , I’m not high maintenance. I’m totally self-efficient” Wth was I saying?? And doing? And why?!? I don’t even know this dude. He could be a mass murderer for all I know. A stalker! A pervert. He looked down at me(talllll and fineeee) and said “That is the first time you’ve lied to me. And its good to see you don’t lie well at all…*pregnant pause*¬† May I have your cell number?” ~~~

Fast forward to that evening…I was talking to my Mom and said I don’t think I’m high maintenance ; do you? OMG My Mom couldn’t answer fast enough! Bottom line is she said yep! you are but not in a bad way…What is that supposed to mean??? Anyways the Mall brother has called every week about twice a week since then…. He’s an attorney who is going to be relocating here from cross country. Was here briefly to survey the area to see if he wanted to take a job offer..He’s a divorced attorney with a daughter in college. Asked me if I’d go out on a date with him after he’s here & settled .(he moves end of March) I said sure if I’m still single…Now that I have admitted to myself and him this is my definition. IF high maintenance means maintaining my health, fitness, my body(including my hair, nails, toes, appearance) ..than yep! i AM. But I’m self-sufficient in all ways. I don’t need nor require a man to take care of me nor my bills. What I do need is a man that loves & cherishes me.¬† IF high maintenance means I require the attention of my significant other. Than yep! I am. BUT I also give what I want in return. IF high maintenance means I like to communicate with my significant other. Than yep! I am. I can’t read minds nor do I pretend to…I’ll make contact with my S.O. by talking, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, smoke signal!, even send a message in a bottle if need BE. IF high maintenance means because I’m friends with my xhusband & xboyfriend. Than yep! I am. But if¬† you have TRUST issues than you’re not the one for me anyway. IF high maintenance means I require spending time with my S.O. Than yep! I am. Quality time is a MAJOR must with me. In my minds eye¬† it is the best gift a man can offer; his time. Likewise for me..Amount of time spent isn’t half as important to me as the content. I’m busy too…IF high maintenance means I like to know I’m thought about from time to time during the day by my S.O. Than yep! I am. Thats what texts were created for , isn’t it??? If a man is seeking a woman that is easy, doesn’t have an opinion, and won’t treat him like her King..than I’m NOT the woman for him. If a man is seeking a good woman, with a good/sincere heart!, who believes in GOD, and will treat him like the King he IS..then here I am. Take me as I am & I’ll follow suit. Because I’m…

Posted in "Just for fun"

>STOP the Presses! AARP eligible AT 50??!? Ugh, aargh!, & NO WAY..

**With THAT sentiment being said , by me, and felt! here I go with my latest discovery..ready? Get set, here i GO!

~I’m getting to the crux of it just trying to set the background up 1st for this line of thought..~

Yep, I’m knocking on the door of becoming 50 years old..and I’m ready! Or so I thought. And then yesterday a good friend of mine was sweeeet enough to let me in on something I had NO clue about..Ready to hear it? And what my response was/IS?…

Well I was having a fabulous chat with a really good friend of mine yesterday..Array of topics but mainly how excited I am about MY upcoming 50th birthday party¬†in July. How I’m going to have a BEAUTIFUL pink & silver cake! Ohhh and I want disco lights; maybe even a strobe light. Anyone out there remember how FUN disco dances used to be? Got an awesome DJ lined up and just putting the finishing touches on my virtual save-the-date announcements ..and then while I’m allll¬†caught UP yapping about this my friend says(I guess he thought it was FUNNY) oh yea, now you’ll be able to be an AARP member! I was still going on and on about my party! Thought I heard him say something about AARP but..and then he said it again. Yapping, laughing, and then WHAT DID YOU SAY? And as he began to say it again I said STOP, wait..and then I fell out laughing. He said NO I’m serious you’ll be eligible at 50 for it. I said, ” I most certainly will NOT be! You have to be 65 or older to be eligible for that.” And then my USED to be gooooood friend said, ” Ok, Ms Google Queen google IT.” And that is exactly what I did…OMFG

*Sigh* I couldn’t google fast enough! Images kept popping UP and I kept searching..I’m a speeeed¬†reader..But I could NOT find not one thing that would dispute that AARP eligibility begins at FIFTY. But, but when did THAT come about??? And what person in their right mind changes the eligibility age?? WAS IT ALWAYS 50 AND NO BODY TOLD ME??? I had a cazillion¬†questions! all at once..I was flustered and HOT all of a sudden(thank YOU¬† Eve for peri-menopausal symptoms I’ve got to deal with) And then, I was suddenly irked with my friends over 50 yrs of age! HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME THIS? Wait, I’m not even a grandmother yet! How in the heckkkk¬†can I be eligible for AARP? I can stilllll¬†DO soooo¬†many things! Does this mean I can’t be FLY anymore??!¬† I can stilll¬†do the splits! I can stilll¬†do a handstand, front forward flip(not a pretty sight when I last tried a backward flip) , somersault, cartwheel, I can stillll¬†RUN(for a little while..more of a fast walk into a full jog and then I run for a little bit), I can still bend & touch my toes! Yeaaaaaaa. I can still dance , and dance and danceeeeeee, I don’t take nor have to take ANY medications..HOW CAN I BE AARP eligible???? Here I was laughing it OFF and my friend thought my response was simply HILARIOUS..but my shock was/is sincere. Was I so caught UP living that I somehow missed this news flash? Was there a memo I missed? I kid ya’ll NOT if ONE thing comes here with MY name on it and the words AARP membership form; I will tear it UP. No, I’m going to burn IT. I refuse! I am not ready for that..Did they start this to get more members or what??? Whats next? 40! OMG I am still trying to wrap my mind around this. I was SO happy about making it to 50..and now this!

**Just like anything else in my life journey, as I’m sure anyone else’s out there , yep! I’ll deal with this reality. It IS what it IS. It is NOT going to stop me from being FLY. Not going to lose my vibe just because I’m AARP eligible..Jeeeez my fingers don’t even want to type that LOL..My birthday party is coming UP and I’m going to party like there is NO tomorrow. I’m elated about making it to 50! My 3 beautiful Black Prince¬†sons are all flying in for my party. A host of other family/friends; and they love me for me as i¬†AM..And because they love ME no one in my world will EVER again mention AARP to me again..Not till I’m good and ready for it!¬† Until I write/read ya’ll¬†again stay UPlifted & blessed. And as always count your blessings 2day¬†and everyday. 4ever¬†sincere, Berna(the one & ONLY)

>NO matter what age you are, or what your circumstances are, YOU are special!, and YOU have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who YOU are, has meaning~ Quote from Barbara De Angelis<

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>Why ALPA Men Rule the/MY World..DP CHALLENGE*PostADay*Berna’s Way

>Common Alpha(Type A personality) Male Traits:¬† Natural born leader. Self-confident. Demonstrate strength. VERY comfortable in their own skin. Extreme competitiveness. Always composed. Physical fitness is priority. Dominant; not aggressive. Superior social skills. Witty. Driven. Problem solver. Optimistic! Exaggerated sense of urgency=time is important/precious. (love that; NEVER a dull moment…) Good communicators. Values efficiency.

THE FOUR ALPHA TYPES:

All alpha males are aggressive, competitive, and driven to achieve. They think big, aim high, and attack their goals with courage, confidence, and tenacity. But each of the four types expresses these common qualities in different ways. Think of them as spices that add flavor to the basic alpha male recipe. Understanding their nuances will give you deeper insight into yourself and the alpha males around you, enabling you to pinpoint strengths you can build upon and risks you need to address. With this more granulated view, you can home in on a specific course of action, just as a doctor can devise a better treatment plan if she knows the exact type of infection a patient has rather than only the broad category.

Here is a brief summary of each type’s primary behavior traits:

  • Commanders: Intense, magnetic leaders who set the tone, mobilize the troops and energize action with authoritative strength and passionate motivation without necessarily digging into the details.
  • Visionaries: Curious, expansive, intuitive, proactive and future-oriented, they see possibilities and opportunities that others sometimes dismiss as impractical or unlikely and inspire others with their vision.
  • Strategists: Methodical, systematic, often brilliant thinkers who are oriented toward data and facts, they have excellent analytic judgment and a sharp eye for patterns and problems.
  • Executors: Tireless, goal-oriented doers who push plans forward with an eye for detail, relentless discipline and keen oversight, surmounting all obstacles and holding everyone accountable for their commitments.

While the above makes for an interesting illustration “AlphaNESS is not something that can be attained from a bottle.Or least thats my opinion based on my experience. This is the way I see IT>

**Alpha, the 1st Greek letter of the alphabet, has become known to “signify”..the first of anything. Animal researchers use the word to denote dominance, applying it to the Leader of the Pack, who is 1st in power & importance. With people(humans) Alpha is defined as , A person tending to assume dominance in whatever they’re involved in. They also possess the qualities /attributes /social skills/confidence for leadership. Naturally, they’re strong, result-driven achievers who insist on TOP performance from themselves & others. They’re usually turned on by bold , innovative & creative ambitious goals. At their BEST , Alpha males¬† inspire awe and their noble leaderships skills are revered by others. I had the opportunity to partake in an upclose and personal interview of a certain very special Alpha brother who still resides in California.¬† Though always drawn to Alpha males it was the first time I’d ever taken time to actually ask one a few questions.(and not just based on my life long observations) It yielded¬†¬† really great answers!¬† that I’m going to use in my wrap UP of what I feel an Alpha male is and why they rule the/MY world..And yep, President Barack Obama is an Alpha male!

**There is a long standing myth that Alpha males can’t co-exist in a committed monogamous relationship....And while that certainly is probably the case with many Alpha males; I’ve experienced quite the opposite. In fact with someone who was/is a self-proclaimed(and lived up to this proclamation in every way) Alpha of all Alpha’s ; I experienced the best love /mature/honest /committed relationship of my entire life. I’m sure 1st Lady Michelle Obama can attest to the same as well.¬† Real talk indeed..

**Over the course of¬† time I asked said Alpha an array of questions @Alpha”dom”.. This¬† was the sum of his answers, pretty much verbatim , of what living life as an Alpha has meant in his world: >He is used to getting what he wants(always) ; even if that means remaining patient to get it.< **

>>Mayhaps a combination of¬† height & nature he was quite accustomed to being given service FIRST..even if there was a line before he walked in the door. Any and everywhere! And I witnessed this myself over the course of time. Given any group of male friends HE was , without spoken words, the leader. This I also witnessed myself. He felt his aggressiveness also meant his was abrasive; I found this to be totally untrue.(except when football was on the boob tube! OMG..but that is another story for another time) VERY protective and outstanding Father/Daddy and significant other. He made it clear to all that “I” was to be looked out for(including the many times I got lost driving! yet another story for another time..) And while the “myth” about Alpha’s is that they have to be served..I can personally attest to being¬† absolutely spoiled(well, truth IS,¬† I was already spoiled but even more so…)¬† by said Alpha’s cooking/superb host skills/excellent social skills/high form of communication skills. ¬† An Alpha man has a strong desire to be #1 in every way; and works effortlessly to attain that. From A – Z …

P.S. If there just happens to be an Alpha reading that has anything 2 add or dispute(I know of at least 1 reader out there…) then by ALL means please add your 2 cents..You know you want to!¬† Including female type A personalities. Which would actually make for an interesting addition to this piece. So hit it if you like…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**KARMA. **DP CHALLENGE *PostADay*Berna’s Way..

~~I’ve ¬†decided to post a ‘Thought¬†4 the Week’ .¬† Going to jump start things by starting with one near N dear to my heart. It is my true BELIEF¬†that what we intake (whether it is what we hear, see, or ingest into our bodies..) can and DOES have an impact on us! That includes what we see or hear from others. What we see or hear in our environment.(including what is on the BOOB tube ) It only makes sense that if one intakes alot of negativity; it can impact even the most positive of people. In a negative way! And negative vibes will seep out in some form or another. So what is Karma? This is the way I see IT…I’m currently reading two books; one of the books is a reference guide @Philosophy by Steven Law. I’ve always had an interest in the Hindu concept of Karma. I’ve learned quite a bit more about it(as well as opposing viewpoints & concepts) by reading an array of books. But, before I go further just one more quote that I feel is relevant.

>>>Karma= the Moral Capital. Karma=the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence. Karma=Effect from Cause; from one’s own actions. Karma=Whatever we do with our body, mind, or speech will have a corresponding RESULT.

*Recently I’ve found myself saying that GOD makes no mistakes; no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. Could then some of that “reason” be based on our very thoughts, our actions, and our WORDS? Of course…If one believes that such a things as¬†“karma” exists; then they also believe that nothing happens by accident. From that line of thinking it can stand to reason that; there are cosmic influences at work that determine our lives. Thus good deeds bear sweeeet¬† fruit . Bad deeds bear fruit that is beyond bitter…One has to have an open mind ~N~ think far outside of the box to even begin or want to grasp this concept. Having said all of that what could it hurt to THINK, ACT and SPEAK in a positive manner? Especially when the results of doing so have such potential to yield positive things?!? Don’t we all benefit more from positive light than negative darkness? The words inof¬†themselves@ light and dark have great meaning. Objects are ATTRACTED to light! Like a moth….Objects can not been seen in the dark.¬† Hmmmm. One more quote …

“In simple terms, what does karma mean? It means that whatever we do, with our body, speech, or mind, will have a corresponding result. Each action, even the smallest, is pregnant with its consequences. It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree. And as Buddha said: ‚ÄúDo not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.‚ÄĚ Similarly he said: ‚ÄúDo not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.‚ÄĚ Karma does not decay like external things, or ever become inoperative. It cannot be destroyed ‚Äúby time, fire, or water.‚ÄĚ Its power will never disappear, until it is ripened.”~Sogyal¬†Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

EDUCATE~ENLIGHTEN~EMPOWER~DPCHALLENGE*PostADay*MLK,Jr. Tribute

**In observance of this FABULOUS holiday@ Martin Luther King, Jr day..lays ripe the opportunity to speak on a couple topics I adore. Education. Youth. Love. Before I dig in …I hope any/all out there that have this day off from work give a bit of today to say, THANK YOU, Martin Luther King, Jr. for giving US all you had(including your life..) unselfishly so that we might have the freedoms we have today. I/WE appreciate YOU. …

**The above quote @”I have decided to stick with LOVE..Hate is too great a burden to bear”..is in my belief the BEST quote I’ve ever been blessed enough to read. And with all of my BEing I’m also trying to live that out loud as well. There is a beauty in those words and in that sentiment and IF only that message can truly spread like FIRE..what a different country, world even!, this would be. Can’t WE all muster UP the love within US and share it?!? I’ve got my hand held UP high. I think WE can. YES we can!

>>Last night I happened to be in attendance at a event hosted NationWide (in 400 locations…) by a predominantly Black sorority (*round of applause for the ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA SORORITY) in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr..Called a day of service for MLK,Jr. The overall message was CLEAR..Service WE must & should all be doing to educate, enlighten, and EMPOWER the youth(our future!) There was a panel(which consisted of rising Black leaders & predominant business owners/young Black CEO of a major local bank!/even a newly appointed Assistant City Manager; highly impressive panel regardless of color. Progress! There was a moderator present asking each panelist what “their” advice/suggestions/expertise based on experience was for the YOUTH and for progression for US as a community. In the audience was a group of promising youth already marked as UP and rising..I personally felt, and wished, more youth had been present. But it was a great jump start, I hope!, for the adults in the audience to GO forth and spread the message to others to reach OUT and educate, enlighten, and empower! the youth.¬† The fact that this exact premise was also being held concurrently(same day… ) in 400 other locations across our great Nation warmed MY heart and encouraged me to continue hoping, praying! , that WE shall overcome and continue to progress for I also(like MLK, Jr.) have a dream…

**I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when my 3 beautiful, intelligent, personable, loving , educated, artistic, athletic¬† BLACK sons(my Black princes!) will one day be judged based NOT on the color of their skin…but judged based on who they ARE.¬† Not asking for 2 much; just asking for what ANY other mother longs for her sons. I long for a day when folks don’t fear when walking past my 3 Black sons; for they’re armed with NO weapon other than their COLLEGE DEGREE‘s.¬† Bred & raised with nonviolence and wishing for nothing more than to aspire to their dreams!/their aspirations/their GOALS. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space in which my future grandbabies won’t be LABELED as Black, as Negro, as African-American nor have to fill out that slot on ANY form. I would love for that day to come when people are just labeled as..PEOPLE. Yes, I have a dream! On this day that just happens to also be the day when for the 2nd time in HISTORY; a Black brother is being publically sworn in as President of the United States of America..I dream that ONE day that fact won’t BE so remarkable. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when to describe people NONE of us label each other as ..The White woman that was there OR! The Black man that was there. WE are all just people…And WE all have alot more in common than different. How beautiful it IS when we just sit and chat/or vibe over the Net/or rap face 2 face and share of ourselves…I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when WOMEN of any color are compensated at the same level as MEN. (based on what they earn & rightfully deserve) I have a dream! When love brings people 2gether. And keeeeeps people 2gether. For LOVE can over-ride any division that lays between US. LOVE can conquer even what seems impossible. I believe. I believe! And I have a dream…As always folks stay UPlifted & blessed. Remember 2 count your blessings 2day and everyday.¬† 4ever Sincere, Berna (the 1 n only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words

>>TRY again N again..Because WE can! DP CHALLENGE PostADay 2013 Berna’s Way..

**I’m jumping back onto the “Post a Day” DP Challenge horse’s back…Shared sentiment with another WP blogger not too long ago how difficult it truly IS to post a day..And it IS..Especially when offline obligations take priority and when catching UP on sleep becomes a MUST. I squeeeeze alot into my days..loving every minute of life..but even I had to put the breaks on some things last week. But thankfully it is a brand new day! And week! There is a song by Aaliyah, an oldie but goodie(those are the BEST) that I adore and it is called try again

“If at first you don’t succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again…”

*Not that I’m complaining about not having enough time 2 do all I desire doing..I really LOVE being busy/staying busy/BEing productive doing PROgressive things..I was chatting with my youngest the other day on the phone..And regarding something we were discussing he said, “Mom you know how it goes. And you taught it to us..Just keeeeeeep it moving forward!” From the mouths of babes and I dig it when it just happens to be someone I was blessed to have co-raised. Life is truly a wonderful “trip” and ride. One of the beautiful things about life is WE can all try again even when we fall short of our own goals. So! Later on 2day I’m back on the postaday challenge kick. Not yet finished having my say N telling it my way…Going to try this one “mo” time. Write/read ya’ll later on tonight.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Health Matters*, Positive Movement Topic, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~~SEX~~ DP CHALLENGE *PostADay..Berna’s Way..

~ ~One of my fave sayings IS “IF U can’t talk about it with me ; then I guarantee we’ll never have SEX!” ~Parents should rightfully B discussing SEX with their children LONG before their children have SEX~WHY¬† parents afraid 2 discuss SEX with their children set them UP to feel SEX is dirty for life; when it is NOT~The rule @No glove/No love should RULE these days…>>Those are just a few of the things¬† I feel like talking about …I’ll keep it tasteful BUT with the mindset that SEX is natural N beautiful..Are ya’ll ready¬† for me? Get ready. Get set…Lets rap!

>>”Sex and romance may seem inextricably linked, but the human brain clearly distinguishes between the two, according to a new study. The upshot: Love is the more powerful emotion.

The results of brain scans speak to longstanding questions of whether the pursuit of love and sex are different emotional endeavors or whether romance is just warmed over sexual arousal.

“Our findings show that the brain areas activated when someone looks at a photo of their beloved only partially overlap with the brain regions associated with sexual arousal,” said Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook. “Sex and romantic love involve quite different brain systems.”

 

The study, announced today, will be detailed in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.<<

**Trying to tackle this topic from several angles so bear with me as I work my way into it..

>>2¬† quotes¬† from a source I respect( & have read many of his books)¬† I’d like to mention here before I go further :

‚Äú~Any feeling is both mental and physical~‚ÄĚ
‚Äē Deepak Chopra, Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life’s Greatest Challenges

‚ÄúSex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.‚ÄĚ
‚Äē Deepak Chopra

Working my way slowly into this topic, deeper N deeper ,so¬† hang on folks I’m getting there..

*Although far too many people think the entire importance lies between one’s legs…that simply is NOT true. Sex begins with mental seduction. When the mental seduction is mutual sex turns into making love= Real love. One of the highest of highs @ Orgasm happens between one’s ears..*In the Mind/Brain*..Am I breaking it down or what?? Moving right along so stay tuned<

Disclaimer: Anything that I say here or elsewhere on my blog site is MY opinion. Based on my beliefs N life experience including a TON of reading..>

Since 1992 California public schools have been required by law to teach HIV/AIDS education at least once during middle school and once during high school . To follow a list of guidelines including age appropriate ..BUT what is to determine what any of those guidelines actually mean?? As a parent I was never comfy “not knowing” exactly what was being taught to our sons. And even though I read the literature I requested from the school beforehand I still wasn’t comfy…yet I signed it. I felt the more info our sons had the better..In addition I discovered sex education¬†is NOT required by law to be taught in California public schools. YET 96% of California public schools do provide sex health education classes as an option from grades K-¬†12..though there are NO guidelines by law until the 7th grade..Which is when I signed the consent forms for our 3 sons to take the course. When my eldest took the course I was still very, very nervous about talking about SEX to him. So I welcomed any and all information or outside sources teaching him sex education. Including my now ex-husband…By the time our youngest was in the 7th grade I was well informed¬†N confident to teach him alot¬†more at home myself as did my now ex-husband..We were pro’s on the topic by then & had added sex education to our very hands-on n N involved parenting style. 10 years prior I’d never have dreamed! that I’d engage or advocate giving a teenager condoms..BUT no one ever promised that parenting would be an easy job. It is by far the most “difficult” job I’ve ever held and yet by FAR the most rewarding & important! Furthermore I advocate allowing an environment in which youth can talk to their parents about ANYthing..and our sons have. (the beauty of having 2 involved parents is if they can’t talk to one about something ; they’ve got another parent to talk to ..awesome arrangement!)¬† I’m not yet a grandparent and all 3 of my sons are alive N healthy..One of my worst parental fears is they’d experience sex and catch something that could kill them! Or become parents before they’d reached their educational goals..Neither of those things have happened. Thanks to my mighty GOD and an outstanding co-parent/male role model. IF you truly love your child talk to them about sex very early on…And if need be give them condoms! Be thankful they could come to talk to you honestly about the topic. Provide condoms even before they do…those just-in-case-the-first-time-comes-before-prepared-with-safety-items has yielded in many teenage pregnancies..In my opinion in this day N age teenage pregnancy rates should NOT be at the high rate they’re at. Condoms are handed out like lollipops now! In California you can get them at alot of clinics for FREE…

*SEX-Positive Liberals advocate that sex BEfore marriage IS a valid choice for “nearly” everyone…or at least for 95% of Americans. Hmmm, who knew? Or , really?!? IS sexual morality truly about how long one waits? Or should it be about how one treats themselves/carries themselves/respects themselves ~N~ the people they’re with.

Question: Are long lasting love relationships made through intimacy? Is teaching the youth abstinence ONLY working out? Or are the youth STILL having sex before marriage? What is the percentage of single adult parents practicing abstinence? What leads to the most stable marriages; feminist values or traditional ones? These are some of the questions I’m going to attempt to tackle. My words/my uncensored thoughts….

>First, here are the proven benefits of¬† SEX..Sex releases STRESS. Boosts immunities. It helps to keep one’s heart healthy. Helps you sleep. Lowers blood pressure rates. Burns a ton of calories and is a GREAT form of exercise. Boosts self esteem. Boosts endorphins. (including aids with PMS) Makes prostrate¬†cancer less likely(yep, google it if you don’t believe me..) Youthful glow. Lighter menstrual periods with less cramps. Cures world hunger. (Just kidding! )¬† Now for where I stand regarding abstinence prior to marriage or between marriages..The Moral Case 4 Abstinence Before Marriage VS. The Moral Case 4 Sex Before Marriage…>>Here is¬† the QUESTION of a¬†LIFEtime that begs to be answered=

>>IS MONOGAMY A REALISTIC RELATIONSHIP GOAL? IS IT NATURAL TO BE MONOGAMOUS? IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAINTAIN MONOGAMY IN A LONG-TERM LOVE RELATIONSHIP?!?

**In conclusion my bottom line is as follows: Teaching abstinence-only to today’s youth is NOT working. Exclamation point. PERIOD. As someone very dear to me & my co-parenting partner taught me years ago WE as parents must deal with reality and NOT our own fairy tale sugar coated versions of reality …and especially preaching to our youth¬† B-sISH that WE didn’t even practice in our youth! Yep, I was one of those parents that wanted to only teach abstinence until marriage. However, IF as parents we don’t teach children ALL options and realities; then we aren’t giving them the information/insight/ammunition they’ll need for all given situations. And as a parent that just isn’t responsible…not in my opinion. For those parents that want to teach this one-method type of way. Have at it! Your children, your right to teach them whatever you please..just don’t come crying to me or anyone else when your child winds UP with an early pregnancy they’re UNprepared for(and not mature enough for) Or worse! stricken with an STD that can take their very lives. This is our reality and it IS what it IS. On a moral level? Of course the ideal criteria is to wait to have SEX until married to someone one is IN LOVE with. And yep, as parents one often has to preach/teach things that wasn’t followed by self..Because we are to teach what is right! But for some of us less than perfect people(got my hand help UP high) teaching sons from a stance of¬† “learn from my mistakes” kind-of-way is working just fine…

**Maybe folks had the right line of thinking backintheday…the 60s Flower Children era. Didn’t it seem(or least from pictures I’ve seen…) that everyone was soooo FREE back then? Live N let live! Make love , not WAR. Peace signs were posted all over the place. Folks singing “What the World Needs Now, is LOVE sweeeeet LOVE…Right? So, what happened to change that mindset? What really happened that veeered the sexual¬† morality views in our country to be what they are in the here and NOW? Here is the way I see IT..

Way back in the 60s least majority of Americans were HONEST about how they felt SEX..Now? We’ve become a society of “closet” sex-lovers. And only GOD knows what truly goes on behind people’s closed doors..Truth is sex is a beautiful act that was created not just 2 populate but also as the BEST natural anti-depressant. Mayhaps IF more folks were having SEX ..there would be NO need 4 all of the drugs being taken to alter moods out there. Depression has become a very serious issue in our country.(another deep topic for another time..)¬† Pharmaceutical companies globally are¬† worth¬† an estimated¬† $300 BILLION ..Omg & WOW.¬†

In an ideal world /situation, youth, it is BEST to wait until marriage to share all of the beauty that sex was created for..Some might ask , “What if I’ve decided I don’t want to get married or have children?” Excellent question! Which is one of the reasons why the “wait for marriage theory” isn’t always a good message to preach. Except from a parental viewpoint….I feel the best way to inform the youth(or anyone..) about a topic; give them all sides. The good, the bad, & the ugly. The whole truth. Which is what I’ve tried 2 do from my perspective in my words here. I don’t believe sexual morality is about how long one waits to have sex..It is moreso about the level of respect a person has for themselves & others. How they carry themselves overall..Youth need to be aware of the dangers of sex and its consequences(which can be lifelong) In the same manner we teach youth the dangers & safety tips on how to drive a car; the same should be done in how we teach them about SEX. When we teach abstinence-only the youth are tuning us OUT..The statistics of the amount of youth having sex makes that evident. My sincere belief? I don’t feel that long-lasting love relationships are established when SEX is introduced early. In rare cases, yes. But overall in my heart of hearts I don’t think so. Yet, I do believe that long-term love relationships are for sure enhanced by sex N without a doubt can’t survive without IT..or least in my world !

Monogamy. Who in their right mind created that?!? Must not have been someone who truly enjoyed good sex…However, having expressed that, I do feel monogamy is the BEST type of long-term love relationship. And it is the only type of relationship for me..I do not feel it is a “natural” state of being though.¬† We’re hormonal creatures by nature. Some of us moreso than others..(hand held UP high) Men are biologically created & driven! 2 have and 2 want SEX..Lest women ever, ever forget that. (and I think sometimes we do…) So given those 2 facts alone makes it highly difficult to maintain a monogamous relationship. BUT the best things in this life aren’t easily attained nor kept. It IS worth it..True love is worth it. Maintaining the sacredness of a marriage is worth it. And it just feeeeeels right 2 know one’s love partner/mate/spouse/lover; is saving ALL of their special loving for YOU. It causes such a euphoric feeling that there is NO substitute for. Exclamation mark. Period¬† . I’m ending on that note yall. As always stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~Tribute 2 My Eldest Dr. SON~*DPPostADayCHALLENGE*~Berna’s Way..

>>I’m back ! And I’m going to wrap UP this week of leaving my carbon footprints¬† by giving props to my eldest son. My week began busy; ended busier. (and the upcoming weekend is JAM packed) This week is ending on such¬† a HIGH note for me..that I’ve GOT to blog about it. Hopefully my thoughts will help someone else out there to hold ON for the good happenings that this life holds for all of us…

**There once was a child born of a single mother. A child who never spoke the usual babbling which little babies speak. When he began to speak at almost 2 yrs old; those who hadn’t carried him in their womb for 9 months , thought something was wrong. His mother said he will speak when he has something to say! And when said child finally spoke he spoke in FULL sentences. WOW.¬† An¬† intense child and highly intellectual..from birth. Read to by his mother when still inside her womb. Loved, adored N cherished by his Mom before she ever laid eyes on him. Said son has shared his Mom’s love of reading, yea!, his entire life. Spent every summer in school since the 9th grade till now…Whose legs were so “bowed” they made his legs curve under him. He was WELL fed , lol! , and loved. Those bowed legs and lack of health insurance was the deciding factor for his Mom to leave college N join the military. As a single Mom she felt she needed a steady salary N health insurance for her son…I’m going to fast-forward through alot of this because emotions are running rampant N high this evening..

**My eldest son is the type of son that every parent DREAMS of being their eldest child! He has been N is an awesome¬† role model for his 2 younger brothers..Yet his humility is one of the most beautiful things about him. He has faced N handled adversity in his lifetime with grace , wit, intellect, and a very matter-of-fact manner. He just makes things look SO easy! He had a self-driven desire his entire life to attain a PHD..nothing less was going to suffice. He has gone to school including summers for 17 years(including high school) He IS an academic scholar N an academian. He’s traveled & done research to South Africa & Ireland; as well as countless cities in our country for academic conferences.¬†¬† And tonight! he faced the Board at a prestigious University(and he is a PHD candidate there riding on a FULL fellowship)¬† in our country and defended his proposal of his dissertation for his PHD. And after 2 hours on his very FIRST attempt..passed with flying colors! What that means 2 me as his Ma..is almost to difficult to translate into words. What that means for our direct family on both sides of our family tree..is progress! Our very first Dr._____.¬† Proud can’t quite describe how I feeeeel tonight and have felt his entire life. This tribute is my attempt to express how I feel about my eldest son/his achievements/his humility/his love& concern for his younger 2 brothers/his remarkable REALness/his dedication of doing outreach to others considered minorities(his Masters thesis) /his love of family N his honor to his parent..his Ma..and his surrogate parents..his grandparents(my parents)

**A single parent ALWAYS worries about NOT being enough for their child. I always worried what my child was missing out on because his Father was NEVER a constant in his life ..nor has my son any recollection of what his Father even looks like. But not once has my son used that as an¬† excuse to fail(quite the contrary he’s always been an over-achiever/honor roll student/Who’s Who in Academia while also maintaining an active social life with an array of LIFElong¬† trusted friends)¬† nor has he expressed feeling any loss in¬† his life due to that being factual. His grands(my parents) stood UP and filled the gap. It has been an amazing journey..I’d like to say to ANY single parent out there the following:¬† IF you don’t have the physical or financial support from the other parent…reach out to others you trust in your family to fill in the gap. If that isn’t possible find & interview(and do background checks) a Big Brother/Big Sister through that organization. Reach out to trusted clergy and church members. It truly takes a VILLAGE, in my opinion, to properly raise a child . By whatever legal means necessary…

~When my son came into the world my faith in GOD was hardly apparent..I brought my son(s) to Mass wanting SO badly to believe fully in GOD; yet I didn’t. BUT I so wanted to! And as I look back on nights like this when I can hardly sit stillll because I’m SO excited/happy/content/overjoyed..I can clearly SEE how the hand of GOD was in every, single part of my life. Even long before I believed. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD and a patient GOD(that waited years for me to believe…) that I’m even around to taste the beauty of my son’s victorious achievement tonight. I give ALL the glory to GOD..I was prayed UP as my son went before the board..as well as called upon friends/loved ones from coast 2 coast to form a prayer chain.¬† I’d like to also¬† say;¬† single parents hold ON for as long as you do ALL you can DO with LOVE for your child..alllll the years of sacrifice! will pay off in great ways. Don’t lose hope(ever) and stand strong. And read, read, READ with and to your child..reading is truly fundamental. Try hard never to use the word never with your child. Encourage them to reach for their dreams; even if their dream seems impossible. Be their cheerleader!¬† I’m writing this tribute to my son tonight because he is SO humble he won’t pat himself on the back. So I am doing it for him! Years N years N years of hard work ..I’ve watched you (even from afar) with awe as you never buckled..just kept driving onward and forward. You’ve done things I dreamt for myself long ago…and now I feeeeeel like a part of me¬† has accomplished that dream. The part of me that is YOU. Many Congrats my Dr. Son! I love you always N always, Ma…

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Motivational!, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^Encouraging Words, ^Political

~Medgar Evers widow will do Pres. Obama inauguration*DPCHALLENGE

**My thoughts @Mrs. Evers at President Obama’s inaguration**~COMING SOON~

GOOD BLACK NEWS

Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of Medgar Evers (Michael Caulfield/Wire Image/Getty Images)

Medgar Evers’ widow to deliver inauguration prayer: President Obama has chosen Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of slain civil rights icon Medgar Evers, to deliver the invocation at his public swearing-in later this month, the Washington Post reports. This will be the first time a woman, and a layperson rather than a clergy member, has been chosen to perform the invocation.

item by Jenée Desmond-Harris via theroot.com

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