There is no fail-proof manual that comes with raising children…Know why? Because no two children are alike, not even twins, let alone siblings..What I do feel IS universal is parental love..My free flow of thoughts on this near & dear topic is dedicated to my parents… These are a few things I think every child should hear from their parents at least once in their lifetime>>>
I love you always! Unconditionally. From the womb & forever..
I am proud of you!
What do you think? Or, what is your opinion? (and then listen..)
Thank you! (whenever applicable..)
I am human..(we must teach our children, at all ages, it is ok to admit fault & try again..)
What defines us to ourselves? Is it our intentions? Is it our thoughts? Is it our actions? Is it our attitude? Is it our outlook on life? Some of us don’t like to admit it(hand raised high in the air! ) but we want our existence to be remembered..I think we all want to matter..We want to define ourselves with something that is LASTING..Whether it is a published book, successful business or goodwill towards others..Some of us also pour a great deal of the best parts of ourselves into our children..I’ve very guilty of that! Why? Because they’ll be my living legacy long after I’m gone..Yet, isn’t it the little moments quilted together that define us? I believe it is..
Who we spend time with defines us>> Who we keep close are the people that will most influence us..When I close my eyes & reflect on the BEST moments of my life? More times than not those were moments that had someone else in them..Someone close..Dear ‘trusted’ friends who have been there for us in all types of weather..Family members who love us unconditionally to the very core of our being..And those we’ve loved deeply , who care for us even after seeing us at our worst..I’ve learned & am still learning to be ‘conscious’ about who I spend time with ; for they have a say in defining us..Many moons ago I used to tell my sons pick & choose your friends wisely! At 51 years of age that still remains true..Mayhaps even more so now>>
Acts of Kindness>>Corny as it sounds it can make a loved ones’ or stranger’s day! We aren’t always aware of the impact our simple presence has on others..A smile…An unexpected tip(recently happened in my world that I tipped someone whose establishment provided horrific overall service) A comforting ear..A hug..WE have the power to restore someone’s faith in humanity..
We choose our perception of the World>> I heard someone say very recently that the world is full of mostly evil people..Made me a little sad that they’d feel that way..I quickly realized I couldn’t change their mind..I think it is an individual decision we can choose to make every minute of the day..Is the world revolving around us or can we step out of ourselves & see the world from a more realistic viewpoint? If we can’t ever see the world from another’s perspective what does that say about us? There is alot to be said for that old adage@ Walk a mile in my shoes..>>
Addressing naughty habits>>I found myself saying , just today, perfection is boring..There are many things we may dislike about ourselves..None of us are above anyone else..We are human & will make mistakes..Throughout our lives we forms habits, attitudes and even addictions that can be detrimental, but to let them define us would be the greatest misfortune..We must and should strive to dust ourselves off, do better, work on self-improvement/progression and move onwards and upwards>>
What have been some of your life-defining or life-altering moments? Who have you chosen to BE?
I won’t and can’t lie…I can’t relate to this piece…However, now that I’ve been single & celibate for 3 years(though actively dating someone I dig alot..a whole lot!) I find myself trying to understand all aspects of the dating spectrum…My hair was blown back by the open nature and honesty of this write..At 51 yrs old and UNmarried; my biggest fear is entering old age alone..ALONE..MY parents attend even random doctor appointments TOGETHER..Shopping, etc..whatever they do together…As much as I dig my independence I MISS being part of a forever union..Knowing that someone always has my back..Good , bad or ugly…There IS comfort in that…Having said all of that I’ve a silent respect for those who are still patiently waiting on ‘the One’..It is hard for me to imagine waiting & waiting & waiting on love until well into the 50s…I’m just NOT that patient!
IF anyone can relate to this woman’s perspective, feel free to comment…I was captivated from word one!
I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me….
October comes in innocently enough, stretching the edges of summer into fall. But then, one night, seemingly out of nowhere, a cold chill touches my shoulders like a former lover I’ve tried to shake from memory. I shiver. My heart falls; I know that another long winter is approaching and I’m still alone.
I hadn’t planned it this way. I have always been open to love and relationships. I have held on to hope and to expectations and to dreams and to grief and to men I should have let go of much sooner. I have been high on love and tip-toed on top of clouds. And I’ve lost my breath under a dark cloud, wondering why it’s so hard for me to have the long, meaningful relationship I deserve.
I’m at a bar, on my first date with Brian, a man I met online. I’m happy to be inside, sitting next to this man, warm and calm. At age 45, I’m no longer focused on the future; I’m no longer envisioning my life as one half of a young couple, thinking about our future children. I’m focused on the moment I’m in right now. This is life. This is my life. And notwithstanding it not turning out the way I had expected, my life is beyond my expectations. I have chosen to live my life to its potential, and I’ve never felt better about myself or more comfortable in my own skin.
Brian is handsome, self-made and from his body language, I can tell he’s happy to be sitting at the bar next to me. He swivels to face me, smiling, and I smile back. The date is off to a great start. But soon enough, his tone changes. Brian has decided it’s time to find out what’s wrong with me. And after all these years, seasons of men, loves and likes and not-quite-there feelings, I recognize the conversation that’s about to begin.
First, my dates prove their ability to be in a relationship. They describe their marriage and how it concluded, or why their recent long-term relationship finally had to end, as Brian’s had earlier this year. “We argued so much it no longer felt good to be in the relationship,” he volunteers. And now, as these exchanges go, it’s my turn to share why I’m still single.
“Have you ever been married?” Brian asks.
“No,” I say.
“Have you come close? Like engaged or lived with someone?”
“Nope,” I add.
Brian presses his lips together in judgment. “When was your last long-term relationship?” he asks, believing my answer is the answer to whether or not I want to be in a relationship. Or, perhaps more importantly, whether or not I am capable of being in one.
“It’s been a while,” I softly respond, noticing my own disappointment, let alone his.
“But you’re attractive and smart. I can’t believe you haven’t had a boyfriend in a while,” Brian says, but I know his flattery is a guise to learn the great mystery of why I’m still single. “Like how long?” my date continues. “How many years?” He wants details. He wants to hear proof that he’s right about his assumption that there is something wrong with me. Perhaps, he thinks, she can’t commit.
“I don’t even know,” I say with a smile and a nonchalant shrug. And I’m being honest. I don’t know. I don’t know how many men I’ve gone out with or how many men I’ve kissed or been intimate with or how many men I’ve lost to what was simply not meant to be. I don’t count the men because, in the end, they are all one closer to one that will be the One.
“That’s OK,” Brian offers as consolation. “Some people aren’t interested in having a serious relationship.”
I immediately find myself rising up to my own defense and resent us both for having to do so. “Does it mean I’m interested in having a serious relationship if I stay in one too long because I don’t know how to leave or because I can’t bear to be on my own?” I ask. “I never married the wrong guy or pretended to be happy in a relationship when I wasn’t. And it hasn’t always been my choice for a relationship to end. I’ve been in love. I’ve wanted to be in love forever with some of the men I’ve dated. My heart has been broken,” I add.
My date seems unsympathetically relieved at this last note. My black-and-blued heart is proof to him that I’ve gone to battle for love. But I’m more focused on the fact that I’ve survived and have moved forward than on the battles I’ve lost.
“So, what’s the issue?” he asks. “I can’t believe you would still be single. You must be picky.”
We’re entering the “dating-deduction” phase. Brian will keep trying to deduce what’s wrong with me until he hits the jackpot.
“Of course I’m picky,” I say with confidence. “I want to be in love with the man I’m with and he deserves to be loved. If being ‘picky’ means I won’t settle for a lesser love, then you are right: I’m picky.”
My date pours more wine into my glass from the carafe we’re sharing. Our conversation moves on to entrepreneurship, a passion we share. He goes first, and I’m sincerely impressed. And then I share my work and the business I’ve grown over the last seven years. But for my date, he’s not so much interested in my work, but in how my career might be the root-cause of my singlehood.
“Some people choose to focus on their careers and some choose to have families,” my date says emphatically, making the assumption that because I haven’t had a family, I’ve made my choice.
“I didn’t choose to have a career over falling in love, getting married and having children,” I reply, my voice again slightly raised. “I can control many aspects of my career, but I cannot choose when and with whom I fall in love and who returns the love to me. I didn’t plan to be single at 45 or not to have children.”
“I have a friend who admits she spent too much time focused on her career and not her dating life,” Brian says, like it’s a diagnosis: “Career-Womanitis.”
“Women don’t often forget to fall in love. They don’t often forget to have children. Sure, time passes faster than we’d all prefer, but if someone wants to be in a relationship, and most women do, then we find a way to do that when a man who wants the same thing is present in our lives,” I reply. “Women are better multitaskers than men are in general, so I don’t buy into the ‘too focused on career’ script modern women have been given instead of the truth: Despite having a great career and taking care of ourselves financially, while also taking care of our health and well-being, we haven’t met the man we’re meant to be with.”
“Maybe you’re too independent,” Brian suggests, more to himself as he looks down his mental list of possible reasons for my singlehood.
“I’m independent,” I reply. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be dependent on someone else for a change. We keep hearing about how women should ‘lean in.’ I am leaning in so far that I’m falling over. I don’t have a net, emotionally or financially, to fall back on. What I would do to be able to lean back for once. What I would do to have a man in my life whom I could count on when times are tough…”
Brian is running out of arguments. I’m running out of patience.
“Brian, if you spend the rest of our date searching for what’s wrong with me, you’ll never discover what’s right with me,” I say, trying to soothe us both into another topic of conversation. “I have no regrets. I’m living a life I never dreamed of in many respects. Yes, I wanted to be married and become a mom in my twenties, but here I am, in my forties, with all my bumps and bruises, still in the ring, unwilling to give up on love.”
My date seems satisfied, at least for now, and we begin to chat about other things. As we leave the bar later that night, Brian gives me a hug. “You’re shivering,” he says, sweetly. “Let me get you into a cab.” He hails a cab and asks me for a second date.
“Yes,” I say. “I’d like that.” I’m open to a relationship, after all.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he says with his handsome smile as he opens the cab door.
I smile back as I get in the cab. I am happy to be out of the chill.
Melanie Notkin’s second book, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press/Penguin Canada), is available now. OTHERHOOD received a prestigious *starred review* by Bookli
..Will God lay it at your feet? How long should you wait on God to send HIM? Will you know the signs that ‘the one’ has been sent from God? Limitless questions that seem to inspire more questions…>>>
Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies….
Exactly what IS a woman of virtue? As Christians we’re taught(correct me if I’m wrong..) that a woman of virtue is pure, upstanding in good character, and waits to be plucked by ‘the one’ sent by God to love only her..But what about those of us who are divorced or will never be virgins again?? Are we also supposed to wait, again? My interpretation of this scripture translates to pure of heart..
1. characterized by or possessing virtue or moral excellence; righteous; upright
2. (of women) chaste or virginal
I think we all interpret things; differently…Also I find that we often pick & choose what scripture we want to emulate or believe in…Is a woman any less virtuous if she employs an active hand in determining her ‘fate’? Do WE sit at home waiting for any other opportunity(i.e..career, investments etc..) to knock on our doors? The answer is simple..No, we don’t…In that aspect we use our God-given talents; to achieve our goals..Why isn’t that the same universal sentiment for Christian women seeking love? Why are so many of the belief that God is going to do it ALL? One must do their part, good works, to gain anything in this life..Right? There have been phases of praying for discernment in my life(I’m in the midst of one now..); in which I am listening to the ear of my heart..It’s my belief there IS a healthy balance between actively looking (or broadening our exposure, circles..) for a life-partner & waiting for God to send one into our lives..Being passive doesn’t get anyone anywhere! If this is truly the case then why do we hear of so many(including the video clip I posted..) willing to ‘just’ wait??? Doesn’t that mean they don’t trust their own judgement/choices at all? IF a woman’s heart is pure and she is a woman of God; can’t she be guided/led by him to choose a life-partner? Or at the least attempt to step out of her comfort zone(online dating sites, broadening social circles, etc…) in order to be discovered? Real questions. Real thoughts that I wanted to share with y’all..Feel free to chime in or share from your experiences..Stand UP women of virtue and speak on it…
Just a random question… Is there anything you’d gladly wait in a mile-long line for???(or longer…) Without complaint & patiently..IF you knew what you wanted was guaranteed at the end of the line! Whether you share here/at work/with family or friends; cute light topic for a little mental relaxation..Or least it was for me! My answer came so easy it surprised even me..Because I hate standing in line(almost as much as I hate being in bumper to bumper traffic!) I’ll break the ice by going first. Corny as it sounds.. I’d stand in the world’s longest line for love. Alright now it is your turn..Go!
**Do we think a certain way because of the emotions we feel, or do we feel emotions because of how we think? **
Sigmund Freud believed that mental illness came from ‘repressed emotions’ in the unconscious mind. He believed that release & acceptance of these denied or repressed emotions & memories were VITAL for mental health. If this emotional energy wasn’t released , Freud noted it led to physiological symptoms and illnesses…>> Memorized this many moons ago when I studied psychology..For some reason or other , this Freudian tidbit came to mind while reflecting on why my emotions free-fell to anger after watching a video clip last night..
A friend sent me a video clip last night..My first reaction to it was anger..Not seething; but full of passion! And immediate..So much so that I didn’t finish watching the clip until much later..Curiosity forced me to finally watch it. At the time I didn’t realize why it made me feel angry..I’ve not “personally” experienced the sentiment expressed in the video clip..Yet , I took it personally. It was hard to watch and swallow..As a Black woman it hurts to feel judged & stereotyped(as a group) by everyone–especially those that we’ve stood by ALL of our lives. Black men. I later realized my feelings of anger directly translated to ; my realization of the myriad of reasons the gap is getting larger @The disconnect between Black men & women. As a single Black divorcee that makes me “feeeeeel” sad, disappointed, abandoned, a sense of betrayal and yep, angry…Briefly! We’re all freeee to do who! or whatever we choose to do..But dang, dangit & dayuum why heave us under the bus! The description @Angry Black Woman has never been applied to me as an individual; but it doesn’t mean I can’t/don’t/and won’t express and feel anger from time to time..We live in a culture that views expressing anger as taboo. My personal belief? Holding it in & denying it isn’t good for our spirit..I’m hopeful to write more on that & this topic at a later date… So anyways, that led me to ponder/reflect/wonder why we feel the emotions we do..Just wanted to give a little backstory on the prompt of the thoughts that inspired this piece ..Again I pose the question@ ** Do we think a certain way because of the emotions we feel, or do we feel emotions because of how we think?**
I’m sharing the actual clip in the spirit of seeking insight..Curious what , if any, emotions are evoked when y’all take a peek. From any perspective..As a woman. As a man. Of any race..In my experience emotion transcends all..Especially the greatest which , of course, is love! But I digress and badly.. If you feel the need to share then just know this is an emotion-friendly zone! Let it flow…
Special thanks to my friend for , again, broadening my scope of knowledge
This topic was actually prompted by a conversation with a male friend..A deep chat of sorts that reminded me how people view being single from the outside..As IF all folks that are single are lonely..I know I speak of things from a personal perspective. I’m working on that! But in the interim here is my list of reasons I think I’m still single. Actually I’m single but dating/seeing (is that even the politically correct term these days???) someone.. It took a great deal of honesty/soul-searching/reflection to size myself UP.. A great deal!
**Flashback to the aforementioned conversation** As I recall the list of qualities/characteristics my friend brought to my attention that, he feels, makes me a good catch..I’ve come to the realization a lot of those same items are also the reason I’m still single! Ironic as it seems(catch 22 mayhaps?) I believe that to be true..What I also realized as he spoke was that he’s digging me as more than just a friend..OMG when & how did that happen???? But I digress..And? If anyone else out there also desires something (whether it is a career/significant other/change in location/further education, etc etc) a reality check is a good way to purge the soul! Least it works wonders for me..On with my list>>
Reason #1 . Never learned how to play second fiddle. Yes, I bought the whole kit & caboodle I was taught as a young girl by my Daddy. That I deserve a man’s full attention. Don’t get me wrong; I can hold my OWN in a crowd. Being the social butterfly that I really am..But in a love relationship that analogy doesn’t work for me. I’ll wait for a minute to be plucked out of a crowd with my hand, figuratively, held in the air waving@ Here I am! Yet, being number 2 isn’t something I do well. I fall back if I discern that is the case. A most speedy retreat. Might even leave skid marks as I quietly depart..Confidence can be attractive but also has its disadvantages..I honestly believe I AM & should be treated as the 1 & Only
Reason #2 . I’m only attracted to my Black brothas as romantic partners..It is part of my DNA and comes as natural to me as breathing. This has caused the dating pool to be a lot smaller. Why? Because at my age a great deal of good brothas my age are married or linked up already. Heck, I never thought I’d be single divorced at 51! Just wasn’t part of the master plan I’d set out with many moons ago. Y’all know what they say about the best laid out plans though right? Yep, ish and life happens! Bottom line , without a doubt, IF I’d open myself up to date interacially I’d have been linked up long ago. If the rejected proposals are any indication..Real talk for real! Black is SO beautiful & my brothas rein in all ways>>
Reason #3 . I waited too long to get back into the dating scene..I’m so out of practice! Figured I was doing the right thing to take a breather after my Cali love & to get myself adjusted to my new location(and life as an empty nester) Isn’t regrouping a smart thing to do?? Wait, don’t answer that it is a rhetorical question..But like I recently heard Katt Williams say@ “I was single too long..Everyone is either too young or too OLD..Issues or not(don’t we all have issues of some sort at this age?) I’ve got to admit Katt has a point. Contrary to the thought process of a lot of single folks(about why they are single..) ; I don’t believe the rules of dating have changed that much. Men still crave the company of women & women still crave the company of men..Well the straight ones DO. While a great deal of brothas have expressed admiration for my self-discipline ; still has become quite clear to me I’m out of practice. I’ve grown to used to just being and doing ME . Becoming part of a duo again will take time & effort & patience…I need to tape that to my mirror so I can re-remember it daily>>
Reason #4. Began buying the hype about the to do’s and not to do’s of dating..There IS a never-ending list of lists of what to do/how to do it/WHEN to do it..And as my new guy friend pointed out? Some of those sources(ex. Steve Harvey) haven’t been IN good relationships long enough to even be reliable self-appointed love gurus! Least I didn’t buy his B.S; I mean his book..Come back and give me tips after you’ve been in a GOOD love relationship for 50 years Steve. Until then thanks be to God I’ve got parents who fit those shoes. Never in my life have I looked UP so many tips/clues/hints/suggestions on how to be in a relationship before. Jeeeez , no more..Back in the day we just let it flow. Used to trust what I felt in my spirit/soul. I’m standing firm & refuse to buy into the hype any longer>>
Reason #5. Still yearn for a guy that gets me! I can’t play ‘the game’..I don’t know how to be coy/play hard to get/LIE. I want to have conversations where not a word need be said. Believe it or not(loll yes I know I talk a lot..working on that too!) Just want someone who understands & appreciates me for me. And likewise..Girlish as it sounds I want to fall in love with my best friend. For life. I think guys have gotten so used to being duped & played; it is difficult to trust in a woman’s word. Realizing fully that sometimes I’m hard to follow! I’ve alot of pent UP energy & alot to share..Patience is a virtue and often the best things in life are worth working to learn/earn. >>
Reason #6. I have standards and principles. I believe in loyalty and committment.. I’m a one man-woman. And tough as it is for some guys to adhere to(due to natural biological cravings…yep, I read up on it to gain understanding) I believe in a monogamous relationship. I don’t know how to ‘hang out’ with a guy I’m digging. To me it IS a date. I can hang out with my girlfriends..>>
Reason # 7..I’m a giver by nature. Whether it is a friend or a lover I’ll give the shirt off my back to a person in need. Without hesitation…Problem with that is kindness can be viewed as weakness..I can’t shut off a piece of who I am just to avoid possibly being hurt. One can’t discover love holding back.>>
Exhaling! I think that is it..Enough said. Anyone out there sat & reflected on possible reasons you’re still single? Granted it is easier to just profess there is a shortage of good guys/women left..That could be part of the reason & I honestly don’t take away from that logic. The terms good & good catch are subjective..In the spirit of teach one, reach one(my only reason for blogging isn’t just to vent..) I’d love to get additional comments. Chime in! Until I read/write y’all stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere the 1 & Only, Berna
Ugh! For some reason this was the hardest piece to write..Mayhaps because in the rear seat of my mind I knew people (because they told me..) I’d chatted or met from online would actually read this..Often times things can be said, even in good taste, that can be found offensive when describing real –life happenings..As my disclaimer before I dig in it is my utmost intent to show respect for the people text chatted , or conversed with on the phone, or met face to face(my preference) ..Each & every one taught me something new(either about me , men, or from their shared life experiences that I listened to) …I’m forever appreciative of that. Thank you/Gracias/Asante/Merci/Grazie/Obrigado! Moving right along…
Overall? I’ve had a good online dating experience..Actually wound up meeting someone , in person, that I am highly interested in! More of that later…First I wish there had been more tips for online dating in the fabulous 50s..It is different from offline dating…Or least it was for me! Could be because I’ve been out of the dating scene for 3 years now..Wow, can hardly believe that myself ..Can’t tell y’all how many comments & wonderings(and amazement) I’ve heard about how could I possibly be single that long?? If one more person says that I will scream! (Or at the least feeeeeel like screaming) Yet, it has been pretty easy to be single when one hangs with their parents/parents friends as much as I do..Until now. Now I’m ready to not be single anymore…
So next a few tips learned first-hand by moi..Okay ladies here is the real scoop
1. Make it clear you’re interested..Honestly, I think this goes for men & women..Once there has been an established mutual connection(either on the phone or in person) let that person know you’re digging them! Why? There are A LOT of potentials online (never counted the amount of messages in my inbox but it’s in the hundreds…) & who has time to pussy foot around? At 51 and after a 3 year hiatus? Pfft! I’m not letting any grass grow under my feet. IF I dig you you’ll know as soon as I’m feeling the first set of butterflies…(Which for the record in my couple of months online experience has only happened once. Very, very recently) Someone said to me that he felt women were too busy weighing options online to decide on one man. Yuck! That is a sure fired way to miss out on a diamond in the pile of pebbles..Weigh your options ; but don’t take forever & a day doing it. We’re in our 50s; we know what we like when we see it. I think that shoe fits for men & women..
2. Appreciate a MAN for who he IS..Just as you want to be appreciated for who you are. Or least I do! We get what we give. Can’t read someone’s profile & then try to change him into something he isn’t. Just hope and pray he was honest in what he wrote on his profile..
3. Move quickly from offline ..Period. My limit was 2 weeks. I’m not feeling the online chats at all.. Not my thing. After 2 weeks of messages if he hasn’t asked for my number (cell number to be on the safe side) ? I move on…After phone and text chats for a couple of weeks? It is time to meet face to face. Why? Because people can get attached very quickly through actual conversations..This could be problematic if there aren’t mutual sparks when you actually meet. And of course make the first meet in a public spot. First person I met(I met 4 people) I met him at the supermarket. On purpose. Yep, lol..
4. Define quickly what is and isn’t acceptable. I had NO idea it was the IN thing for people to send nude pics. Lawd! Had my hair blown back..Just didn’t see it coming. I’m not a total prude. At first? I can’t lie..I looked..After all he was a pretty buff & nice looking brotha..And he was so proud of his body(as he well should’ve been..) However, if that is all you have to offer ? We’d never even chatted voice to voice; only text chatted. Then wham! Physical attraction matters but without a mental connection it means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. I deleted him before he realized what was going on. There was no need to explain. Even in my younger days that would’ve been a lame approach.
5. Be honest. Do NOT post 10-year-old pics. Do NOT post pics that are blurred. Do NOT post pics from a mile away. I haven’t had time to respond to even half of the messages in my inbox; but the ones with those type of pics I quickly deleted. One finger stroke. Poof! Do NOT state ish about yourself that isn’t true. Lying is a funky habit anyway..But if you happen to link up with someone you lied to??? Not sure about them but that would be a deal breaker for me. Even if I was digging them…Can’t build anything good on a bad foundation or one built with lies.Be real. Be YOU. Everyone isn’t for everyone. Period. I feel its better to be myself(yourself) and be accepted as I am; then to perpetrate a fraud.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d try online dating..It used to be so taboo! But since I’m not one to venture out into the clubs by myself(though I love dancing!) and haven’t yet ventured much out into the social scenes here by myself(and everyone is coupled up at the social settings I’ve gone to) ; it seemed the logical(and convenient ) way to broaden my options. I’ve been lucky . The handful of people I met were cool & good people at heart. I was going to write about my specific brief encounters; and decided against it. I’ve been on several dates & had a good time. It is hard for me to have a bad time where ever I am. And yes, I will talk to anyone. Lol! New friend of mine suggested I get a T-shirt that reads@ Yep, I’ll talk to you too! I’m actually thinking about having one made. And he IS a keeper. Intelligent, very well versed and can hold his own(and does) in any conversation, hot!, kind, and extremely chivalrous. It is the first time in ages that I’ve been physically and mentally attracted to anyone. The vibe is good. Very good. And? I met him on an online dating site. And? I’m not ashamed to admit it. I can’t be the ONLY one reading this that has experienced online dating..Why not share? Go!
Waving to y’all! My fingers are itching to blog on this topic..Been too long since I last blogged or blog read; and I’ve missed it. Promised to blog on this for a minute now…And? I think or hope the fieldwork I’ve done can serve to help others seeking love in the 50s..Want to know why 11% of American adults have tried out an online dating site? Well now I’m officially one of them. Hmmmm hang onto your hats, caps, wigs & weaves..Will be spilling the goods this evening..STAY TUNED & BUCKLE UP
Almost midway into THE year I said I’d marry again..OR at the least be IN love for the last time. Where has the time gone?? Is it just me or is time flying by in faster increments than it was before Fabulous 50? With all the happenings of this year so far I’m just settling down & taking note that OMG half the year is gone. Poof! Anyways I digress..Since last thinking about dipping my toes back into the awesome pool of love and/or married bliss..I’ve half-seriously considered a cross-country relationship, a relationship with my X, online dating, & staying single indefinitely(YUCK) ..I say half considered because due to life happenings , I honestly haven’t had time or energy to fully delve into anything 100%. At all. And because I tend to be an over-thinker at times..Yep, I admit it..I decided not only will none of the above work for me; but that I absolutely will not “settle” either. >>
One of the greatest advantages of flying solo has been: It has given me ample time to figure out exactly what type of significant other will add to my life. Outside of being physically attractive; there is so much more I need from a man before I hand in my singles card. I don’t need someone to complete me. What I desire is a union in which we complement each other. More than likely? Opposites! Wouldn’t two conservative people bore each other too pieces till death do they part? Ugh! On the flip side of that imagine two zany energetic people together for life?? I don’t even want to imagine that scenario..Which is why I know I need a somewhat more reserved counterpart..But he’s got to have energy to keep UP with me as I run circles around him(and a ton of stamina) Anyways, quickly moving right along>>
Chinese philosophy(yep, been reading up on this & it makes sense to moi) cites there is a natural order in the Universe that works smoothly like a song..Yin and Yang..It is said we all have it & that we use both energies in our interactions. However, it is presumed women have more yin and men more yang. Yin is feminine energy: soft, dark, cool, hidden, subtle, and complex. Yin is much more fluid, more nurturing, than yang. Yin’s strength is to preserve life, to keep major support systems in line. Yang is masculine energy: strength, action, and relentless assertiveness. It is a protective energy..>>
I’ll be sure to follow-up after I’ve got a story to tell based on this theory..Coming soon so stay tuned & buckle UP
He Calls Me Ma..
Inquisitive from the start
Not afraid to make his mark
Never often out of place
One step ahead in any race
Humble in every possible way
Not afraid to have his say
I watched with pride as he took his first steps
Even more so when he eased through college prep
Rose to his defense when he was late to utter words
When he began to speak he properly used verbs(& nouns)
In full sentences!
Was never an average child from birth until
Somehow I just knew he’d reach any goal he chose
And over the years he just rose and rose and rose
An outstanding mentor he’s been/IS to his brothers(and so many others)
No mother could’ve wished for a more perfect firstborn; no other!
With tear-filled eyes I watched his defense of his dissertation
Mere words couldn’t express my awe & fascination
Wow! I kept thinking>> that is MY son!
As we embark upon the few days left till his ‘last’ graduation
I feel compelled to write out my undying love & admiration
Thank you son for an amazing ride and plenty of adventures
You’ve worked so, so hard & diligently!
I’ve learned so much with you and from you..
Looking forward to vicariously enjoying all your future ventures
Your new dream job(woo hoo) & eventually your own family unit
Never stop calling me those two letters I adore; that only you call me
And with private joy! for fun
I’ll call you those two letters that carry a beautiful melody
Most folks that speak on a celibate lifestyle speak on the HIGH notes…Believe it or not there are alot of highs about it..However, there is also a GREAT deal of frustration handling the realities of celibacy..Especially someone whose been in a committed relationship or married majority of their adult life. Someone SEXY and half-arse normal and considered intelligent. Someone that looks alot like ME>>
When I first chose celibacy it had little to do with my religious beliefs..It had more to do with making a conscience choice for less distraction while trying to reach a goal..I’d move cross-country and had a disciplined focus on a set amount of goals..And within a certain time frame..Adding dating to the mix would have been a MAJOR distraction..For I tend to give my all to anything I engage IN..Dating and men is certainly included..Matter of fact?
MEN = 1 of my few weaknesses…I’m not ashamed to admit I love being in love & especially love being married! On the flip side of that I’m also willing to wait (in a celibate state) for marriage before I have sex again..Now,I know most folks think certain things about celibate folks..What comes to mind is either weirdness/priests/OR a maladusted anti-sociable person..I’m NONE of the above..But I do have standards. And the longer I remain celibate; the higher my standards become. And honestly? It has become frustrating as hell!
At first? I was wearing an invisible banner waving it proudly @ I am proudly celibate , waiting and proud! 2 years later it is beginning to feel like a burden..Now it has been SO long that I wonder how much longer I can keep this UP? Not to mention I come from a highly sexed family..I’ve come to a point I don’t believe this is NORMAL..WTF was I thinking? Lawd! We are biologically created to be attracted to men and to want to have SEX..Period
The biggest downside of celibacy is the MEMORIES of how beautiful a loving relationship IS..The God created stress relieving perks that can’t be simulated. Trust me I’ve tried! There is nothing more fulfilling than a love-filled marriage..There is also nothing more aggravating than explaining to someone who doesn’t get IT that “waiting” for my The One doesn’t mean I’m pushing marriage. IF not desiring to settle for less means I’m pushing marriage; than so be it. It is not an easy walk. And definitely not for the weak hearted..But I’m standing on Faith that it is going to be well worth the wait.
..EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT IN THE END. IF ITS NOT, THEN IT’S NOT THE END! THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES & THE DREAM LIVES ON, IN ALL OF US..
…January 20, 2014 is Martin Luther King, Jr Day in the United States..Here are a few little known facts about the man who is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using non-violent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs. He was a Christian American Pastor, A Husband, A Father, A PhD!, An Activist, A Humanitarian, And a LEADER in the African-American Civil Rights Movement, and the FIRST Black man behind a federal holiday in America..WOW, wow, and I’m still wow’ed when I think/reflect on the DIFFERENCE one person can make..Before I sign off I’d like to once again say THANK YOU Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr for ALL that you were & did for me, mine and America. Your ultimate sacrifice wasn’t in vain; you’ll never, ever be forgotten!
His name was originally Michael…When his Father changed his own name , to give tribute, to German theologian Martin Luther..He also changed his son’s name. Martin Luther King , Jr was 2 years old when his name was changed.
The switchboard operator of the Lorraine Bailey hotel(where MLK, Jr was murdered..) and co-owner of the hotel; Lorraine Bailey; died due to the heart attack she had upon seeing King was shot..
MLK, Jr skipped 2 grades! in high school..9th & 11th..He was 15 years old when he entered Morehouse College..He was 19 when he received his bachelor’s degree in sociology..He had his PhD by age 25...
He almost didn’t become a minister..Had doubts about Christianity & the Bible and thought of becoming a doctor or lawyer..Later he decided the Bible had profound truths that one couldn’t escape...
He got a ‘C’ in his first year , in public speaking, at the seminary..God only knows the truth of why the professor gave a ‘C’ to someone who by his final year had straight ‘A’s’, was valedictorian & president of student body and the BEST public speaker of all time!!!..
To date he’s the youngest male to ever win the Nobel Peace Prize at 35 yrs old..
His house was once BOMBED..During the Montgomery Bus Boycott (which lasted over a year @ 385 days!)
His mother, Alberta Williams King, was also murdered. She was killed while attending church in Atlanta in 1974 by a 23-year-old man, Marcus Wayne Chenault, who believed “all Christians are my enemies”. He shot and killed her while she was playing organ at the church...
King Jr.’s autopsy revealed that stress had taken a major toll on his body. Despite being just 39 at the time of his death, one of the doctors noted that he had “the heart of a 60-year-old”...
It wasn’t until the year 2000 that all 50 states officially observed Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The last states to join up where Arizona in 1992, New Hampshire in 1999, and Utah in 2000. The holiday itself was originally signed into federal law by President Ronald Reagan in 1983, with the first MLK holiday on January 20, 1986.
Today over 700 streets in the Unites States are named after Martin Luther King Jr., with one such street in almost every major city. This is not even counting the amazing number of buildings, schools, and the like named after him.
Non-violent resistance is not for cowards. It is not a quiet, passive acceptance of evil. One is passive and non-violent physically, but very active spiritually, always seeking ways to persuade the opponent of advantages to the way of love, cooperation, and peace...
I’m going to close this up with one of my fave quotes from Martin Luther King, Jr..About his dream for his children..And today almost 50 years later! I’ve got that very same DREAM for my 3 remarkable Black sons! Let’s let this MLK, Jr day be a day ON ; not just a day OFF…Live/Love/Laugh.Until I read/write y’all again stay lifted and remember to count your blessings every, single day. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
**For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven**
I’ve spent the majority of my adult life either: dating a man/marrying a man/pining over a man/SACRIFICING my own needs for a man/crying over a man or getting over a man..Finally, at long last!, my personal identity isn’t centered around feeling significant; only when I have a significant other..That is saying a mouthful! So let me say it one ‘mo time for emphasis..I’ve finally reached a place in my life that I’m very comfy with me & I do NOT need someone to complete ME..Having said that it doesn’t, by any means, mean that I don’t desire being married and LOVED..I really DO>>
This will be my 3rd and last Christmas SINGLE..I feel it in my bones & spirit..I’ve enjoyed, to the fullest, the company of my parents..People might find it odd(and I know they do..) that I so love spending time with/around my parents. I don’t expect other people to understand why..Nor is anyone else’s understanding required..There are things other folks do , that I don’t ‘get’ either. But for the sake of this piece; here is the brief explanation. With the exception of this past 3 years; I’ve lived cross-country from my parents. Always after a visit I’d miss them so badly! Now that my parents are nearing mid 70s; I am taking full advantage of our time spent together..I know God makes NO accidents; and my now residing in the same city was/is a Godsend..
It is my belief that the most precious & priceless gift a person can give..Is quality time..Or acts of kindness that require time being put into them..This Christmas was special to me because I spent quality time, with the two people who brought me into this world. In my mind? That is a blessing! And the man who was created to love me & only me? Will totally understand that without me having to explain..I’ve got such faith! that I’m right where I should be~~in every aspect of my life. All the pieces of my life are falling right into place..so my lifetime love is next! It is so very close I can taste & feel it…Woooo hooooo & yay! Anyone out there have a story of being single at Christmas that you’d like to share?
I probably should begin this rant with a disclaimer..I’m an imperfect Christian striving daily to give to others the love I feel inside. Whilst also continually moving progressively towards reaching my God-given potential.. End of disclaimer>>
Once again while I was driving to Mass(church) Sunday I saw panhandlers along my route..I’m always struggling to get to my wallet(while at a stoplight) to give..One of the signs , in particular, caught my eye & pulled at my heart strings..A lady holding a sign that said “Mother of 3 . Recently unemployed. No money for Christmas. Need $188.50 for rent.” Far cry from the usual will work for pay signs..Finally managing to open my wallet I had NO cash! Didn’t have time to find an ATM to get cash either..I started looking around at the other cars silently wishing someone else had cash on them..Wishing with all my heart someone else would STOP to give this mother a couple dollars..It was a steady stream of traffic in 3 lanes..True to my past bean-counting background(Accounting); I quickly added up the amount of bucks she could’ve gained..IF only people had dug in their pockets and gave ..After all this IS the season of giving ! And loving! And caring! I wondered if I was the only one feeling like absolute shiiiite that I had nothing to give to this woman. A stranger and yet? What if it had been me out there standing on a corner trying to scrape up the rest of rent money…A mother wanting to provide the basic of needs to her children. A roof over their heads..It saddened me to notice that not one car stopped to give her any assistance. Not one! It got me to thinking>>
This IS known as the season of love and compassion..It would be so beautiful if we all harden not our hearts when we see someone else in need..It is my belief the greatest gifts are given without expecting a gift in return…Tis the season to do just that.
**Still I Rise** By the Infamous 1 & Only>> Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
>> I’m thankful for SO many things this Thanksgiving..And in all honestly, every single day I rise..I wanted to share , from my heart, how thankful I’m feeling right now..But all that comes to mind is Maya’s poem which I’ve come to live; daily. Pushing past all past hurts/pain/DISAPPOINTS/transgressions/and mistakes; every day I still wake UP feeling blessed! Feeling renewed! Feeling so, so thankful to see another day..And? Second thing I thank God for after I wake??? That I get another chance & day & opportunity to love, love, LOVE my family & extended family of friends. So this Thanksgiving what I’m most thankful for is, FAMILY. I’d like to wish y’all a very , very blessed Thanksgiving full of peace, hugs, kisses and LOVE. 4ever Sincere, Berna (the 1 & Only)
IN a recent poll Americans overwhelmingly agreed that 50 IS the best age for..Everything! Here is my take on why dating is better now that I’m finally 50 yrs old>>
I am stronger..Simply put the stakes are higher at this age..No time for B.S./games/losers/or crap shots!
I am better..Though consistently striving for improvement; I’m about the best I’ve ever been. So if any potential date is reading this? Bring your A game & leave your ‘representative’ at home..Likewise I’m going to be me 24/7.
I am wiser..Exclamation point. Period.
I’m still not ready to reveal personal details about the dates I’ve been on..Mayhaps I never will..I can say, without a doubt though , that it has been far different from dating in my 20s..Gone are the insecurities felt backintheday..Take me or leave me; and more than likely we’ll part as friends.. I’ve met a couple of really awesome guys who are catches by any standard..And its been FUN..I laugh sometimes till my ribs hurt. Literally..Recently went horse back riding for the first time in eons! My butt hurt a bit more than it did in my 20s; but I didn’t fall off the horse..I’m due to go skating this weekend & hope to discover I still CAN..I’d LOVE to hear the song @ ‘Bounce, Rock, Skate, Roll’..Anyone out there recall that song?? OMG the skating song of ALL time! Though I don’t feel I’ve met my ‘The One’ yet; I’ve got a couple more people I can call genuine friends..The beauty of dating at 50? It is OK to admit early on it isn’t a love match…I love IT. Anyways until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed..4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Even though it is by special request I’m writing this..I had a ball writing it! Conjured UP beautiful memories of beautiful moments/beautiful people/beautiful feelings felt & mutually shared..As I wrote I realized , much as I desire to be married one ‘mo time(last time!) , it isn’t often I think back & reflect..I think I’ve been so hell-bent on a fast-forward momentum ; that I didn’t dare tread too much on past memories of being IN love..Isn’t it said when looking backwards one can fall? And yet…2night felt pretty good to reminisce for a minute! As I did I recollected why I still hold matrimony as the highest of all relationships. Here is a brief list of the things I miss most about marriage>>
#1..The rest of this list won’t be in any certain order..But this one certainly TOPS my list of things I miss most about marriage. I miss with ALL my heart being linked UP with my forever best friend! Which is what I consider a husband..And thanks to a mighty greatttt God I’ve been blessed to have experienced. That feeling of KNOWING my love partner has my back whether I’m at my best or worst; is a feeling of utter complete ecstasy. I can’t even describe it any further without getting emotional about it. Enough said & moving right along>>
2..Having someone to do the driving! Folks that know me & how I feel about traffic & highways know how much I hate IT. I’ll be so, so happy, elated! to once again take the passenger seat..I’ve discovered I sincerely enjoy being able to NOT pay attention to where we’re going..I can’t sight-see when I’m driving! All I can focus on is the crazy drivers around me & they probably feel the same way about me. Lol! >>
3..I miss having someone to put the trash out. With a houseful of men(husband & 3 sons..) I’ve not put trash out for 20 years..And I am ready for someone else to have that responsibility. Forever..>>
4..I miss having someone to go to the market with..Now at the market I find myself reading the backs of all the boxes & packages..WtH? Much as I love to read I’d NOT do that IF I were married..I’d be yapping my husband’s ear off instead. >>
5. I miss holding hands. This stands alone as just that. I miss holding hands with a husband.Period. >>
6. I miss fussing about putting the toilet seat down! I miss being fussed at for rolling the toothpaste tube UP..All the little bantering back & forth that married couples get used to doing. A routine of each others annoying habits..NEVER thought I’d miss that; but yes really do. >>
7. I miss always having someone to lift the heavy stuff. To reach the high spots I can’t reach at 5’4..To go check if a noise is heard late at night in the house(I’m a scaredy cat!) To open doors because chivalry truly isn’t dead. >>
8.. I miss being introduced as someone’s WIFE. Odd as much as I’ve enjoyed(& needed) being single? I’m looking forward to being a Mrs. again. >>
9. I sincerely miss the easy & natural banter between husband & wife. Knowing that no matter disagreement or not; he still loves me all the time. And the banter is a nice , familiar flow that just feels good. Love IS not always what one does. Or what one says..But how one feels when with another . No second guessing to know if its real or not. It is just GOOD. >>
10…This probably should’ve been #2 on the list in rank of importance. Probably more so because I’m in a celibate state of being. I SO dearly miss the union of husband & wife coming together as ONE. For me it is a feeling felt 2nd only to bringing life into the world. Without a doubt.
Well that is a wrap for now..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
This might get heavy..It IS personal..Been known to say I’m single by choice & this is the longest I’ve ever , ever been single..But now that I’m ready to re-enter the world of the dating scene? I’ve come to the realization things have changed! The MEN are so different here on the East Coast than on the West Coast! The BEST potential guys for a really great relationship are already married! It IS slim pickings cause the attractive guys are either married, gay or not-a-thing-in-common. MEN aren’t emotional available ..The list of reasons goes on & on that I hear from other single women when asked “Why are YOU single?” >>
I’ve got admit something..Never in my entire life have I known SO many single women..Women that I feel are eligible & worthy of being in a relationship with a “good” guy..Mayhaps I was always so caught UP in my own relationships I didn’t notice so many other single women? Hmmmmm..then again when married all of our friends were also married..Birds of a feather flock together, right? But wouldn’t I have noticed or heard of massive groups of single women??? >>
Well I recently had a conversation with my eldest son on this topic..I found myself rambling on about how different the men are here on the East Coast, blah blah blah & etc..Then I found myself saying @ I might have to import a West Coast brother just so I can get married again! Wth? Who says such a thing?? It was too late to take it back once I’d said it..My son’s response? There ARE a lot of single professional sista’s these days..Whoa! Wait a minute..I tried to defend the comment & “the situation” ..But I really couldn’t..According the stats I’d read over the past few years; he was RIGHT. But why is that factual? Are our standards too high? Is there a reason for the first time in history more & more Black women are dating/marrying out of their race? WHAT is going on?>>
I can’t speak of anyone else’s reasons for being single..Personally? I needed a couple of years to just do ME..But I’m ready now to jump with both feet back into the dating game..Can’t lie though, in the back of my mind, is this thought sneaking IN..Am I going to add to the ranks of eligible, professional sista’s that are single ; but don’t want to BE? I’ll let y’all know about a month from now..By then I’ll have had some dates under my belt to speak on..It IS time to set about working on my relationship goal..In the meantime though; any single women out there want to rap about this? Are YOU single by choice or chance?
The story of 12-year-old Rebecca Ann Sedwick is beyond tragic..More I hear about it the more my heart breaks; just breaks! I’m not ashamed to admit I cried when the story unfolded…A 12-year-old resorts to suicide after being bullied by a DOZEN youth online..A dozen! I just can’t wrap my mind around the pain her parents must feel..Helpless probably can’t describe IT..At 12 yrs old one’s life has barely begun; and now this young girl is gone. Forever..How in the heck did things come to this point??? Bullying is FAR out of control..>>
WE live in a world which is full of sordid , tainted, VILE, and violent images and behavior..IF we don’t dispute it & stand quietly as it happens? WE are part of the problem. My mind is swirling with thoughts upon thoughts about this topic..VIOLENCE is everywhere..And some of it is associated with activities known as sport! It is NO small surprise it is manifesting itself in the youth>>
Recently a trio of 15-year-old youth were given probation for a VICIOUS beat down of a 13-year-old youth. On a school bus! At 50 years of age I couldn’t even watch the entire clip of the beating on the news..It was brutal. Mayhaps it is the maternal nuturing part of me that watched that video clip horrified..Mayhaps it is the fact that I didn’t believe in physical discipline for my own sons..I just don’t believe that violence begets anything other than; VIOLENCE. Bad digression…as much as I hate to convict children as adults I feel the aforementioned trio should HAVE been convicted as adults. Double that by also sentencing their adult parents right along with them! A sentence of probation is sending a clear message. That message? It IS alright to beat down another person and get away with it..Not even on the worst of days is that acceptable. Not today, not back-in-the-day and not in the future</strong>..>>
I wonder if parents realize that allowing children to view certain things can desensitize them to violence..Can in a sense “teach” them violence is acceptable behavior? From watching violence in video games to beating children as a form of discipline to watching /hearing parents physically fight to watching violent movies..Violence is everywhere! Even yesterday as I watched the Sunday football games..OMG..A couple of hard helmet hits & heads snapping back in unnatural positions(and people upset about it being called as a penalty..Wth??) Football IS full of violence..And? This weekend Mayweather got a FILTHY amount of green to BEAT someone down! I care less it is considered a sport; it IS a brutal act. And it is considered acceptable..Where does this mindset end though? >>
The answer is clear..The mindset can result in a 12 year old loss of life due to suicide. The mindset can result in beat downs that result in DEATH. (Like the FAMU band hazing incident..) The mindset can result in folks believing bashing or beating homosexuals is alright..It is NOT. Like many things the answer to the solution isn’t as clear though..It is my belief that keeping quiet about it though is not the answer. How many more young children are going to DIE before the mindset changes? To live in a world where LOVE rules over VIOLENCE will take a lot of us sounding off about it..Anything less just isn’t acceptable. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
As I sit perched on the verge of jumping back into the dating scene, after a couple of years voluntary hiatus, I can’t decide which emotion will take front seat. Fear Or excitement? Both emotions are wrestling to over-ride the other..I’m fighting to keep my emotions at bay; especially my fears. Brings to mind a trick I taught my youngest son when he’s struggling with fears, stress or angst..I’ve taught him to picture in his mind the worst-case scenario. Picture it vividly. And then? Imagine how or IF you can deal with it…>>
When I picture the worst-case scenario regarding jumping back into dating( at 50!) or NOT? For me that would be to wind UP never marrying again and riding solo for the rest of my Life Journey..A close girl friend of mine & I discussed the fears of dating again/linking up with a perfect stranger for first date/giving a guy our phone number for the first time..These are scary times we live in these days! But in my heart of hearts what I fear even more so? Not falling IN love one more time…Real talk for real!>>
Fear of wasting my time dating a loser/Fear of discovering an otherwise sane date or potential is a complete psycho/Fear of getting involved with someone only to later discover he’s married! /Fear of giving my heart to someone who is NOT worthy/Fear of my love not being appreciated…I mean the list of fears goes on & on & on & ON..Until I realize IF I continue to think of ALL the things I fear I’ll never take the first step and dip my toe back in the water>>
Truth BE told? I don’t ever recall a time when dating caused me any angst..Just enjoyed it & went with the flow..Mayhaps one of the only disadvantages of turning 50? THINKING THINGS OUT BEFOREHAND..Ugh & dang!>>
In my heart of hearts I’m hoping & praying that my fears will be quickly put to rest once the ice is broken on my dating adventure..Truly I wish for nothing more than to be able to say @ Whew! All that worry & fear was for nothing..Taking the first step is always the most difficult in anything. I used to just leap into things caught UP in spontaneous passion & excitement! Yet now all grown up I find myself pausing before opening the door to possible romantic bliss..Doing so is very foreign & unfamiliar to me. New territory indeed..>>
Thinking back I can recall many times pushing past FEAR & riding through/over/under/around it..No harm, no foul & always felt better AFTER I’d faced it head on..Like the time I rapelled down a structure so high UP in the military; that people below looked like ants! I was beyond terrified..I had a strong FEAR of heights..But in order to pass basic training I had, just had, to rapel off this structure..I tried to “appear” brave in front of all my fellow female cadets..But my knees were trembling/I was sweating bricks!/& little did any of them know I begged /pleaded with the Drill Sgt that was up there with me..I begged him to please NOT let go of me & make me rapel down! Then I begged him not to tell anyone I’d begged & cried & prayed..And when I figured out there was NO way out; except down…I closed my eyes & stepped off. True Private Benjamin I was in all ways..When I got down to the bottom? OMG I was so proud of myself & ready to do it again /again/again/AGAIN..I stood there in disbelief that I’d been so very afraid just a few moments before..So tonight as I fight fear & excitement over dating at 50? My focus is letting the knot of fears go & let the exciting butterflies in my tummy fly freely! And I’ll simply close my eyes, open my heart, and step OFF>>
..~~Some of the BEST moments in life are the ones you cannot tell anyone about…~~
I was nominated for the BEST MOMENT award..Woooo hoooo..As a new blogger its awesome to be read & appreciated by fellow bloggers..My list of over 130 blog spots on WordPress is an amazing list..Chocked full of people I’d never met before I joined WordPress almost a year ago..(with the exception of the person who introduced me to WordPress..) It is with pride I’ll display my BEST MOMENT award logo on my page & sincere thanks to ‘mishunderstood’ for the nomination.Also many thanks for making me feel so VERY special when I recently joined the Fabulous 50s group! I’ll first list my nominees & then the rules of this award(I changed the 15 nominees to 7..Choosing 7 was tough! But 7 is after all a lucky number..) Well actually first check out the link to ‘mishunderstood’s’ blog spot; she always has something positive to read or look at(pictures) on her blog. http://mishunderstood.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/best-moments/
My first nominee is one of the very first blog spots I became hooked ON..He uses humor , wit, and a ton of intelligence to share insightful/POLITICAL, and current events from our country to all over the world..He keeps us abreast of important matters; while also making us smile..Even when it’s not good NEWS. The one & ONLY , List of X.
This next nominee is tied for my #1 fave WordPress blog..He IS always in touch with anything there is to know or read about affairs in D.C..and all political matters of great concern. He researches and lays the FACTS out and always has interesting comments from his loyal audience..He also shares my loyalty in following & supporting our POTUS@ President Barack Obama..And the pictures on his blog site are always a pleasure to see..He’s a true OBAMACRAT through & through! He’s included ALOT of facts/stories about Black History that I personally feel every American could benefit from reading..
When I want my spiritual fix on WordPress this is my go-to spot! She’s my Sista & my church sister; and she’s the one who introduced me to WordPress..Relentless, hard-working, and the QUEEN of multi-tasking..*round of applause* and Yay!
I stumbled across this next blog site because it was Freshly Pressed months ago..A story about her beautiful daughter’s smile! There is always something joyful, beautiful , insightful to read on her blog spot..Hails from Africa and she has a heart of GOLD. So very glad I can call her ‘friend’..
Her name says it ALL..She IS an AWAKE Black Woman..A TON of insight on her blog spot! I’ve yet to read all of it, yet, when I’m reading there I almost always learn something NEW..She’s also included many, many links on her page to other blog sites that are positive & cultural.
This next blog spot spreads a positive message..I always have a warm & fuzzy feeling after reading and sharing comments on his page..
This blog spot is one of the most recent I’ve added to my faves list..I’ve enjoyed interacting with her on both of our spots..Yet another blog spot that I get that nice warm & fuzzy feeling after reading there.
** The rules are as follows for all nominees; including myself(I’ll list my two lists of 7 following the rules) Nominees should do the following(if you wish)=
1. Copy and post the BEST MOMENTS logo on your blog page. (You’ll see mine freshly posted in my side bar)
2. Link back to the person who nominated you…
3. State 7 things about yourself…
4. Nominate 7 other bloggers
5. Name 7 moments you experienced that are dear to your heart..
*** Here are my 2 lists**
7 Things About Myself=
1. I’m a TRUE Cancer in almost every sense of the word..With the exception of the moody part..Thankfully I grew out of that as I grew older/matured/evolved..Born under a water sign I absolutely LOVE the water! Imaginative/intuitive/loyal/loving/nurturing/emotional/& protective are some of the positive traits of a Cancer..
2. My favorite saying that I try hard to live by? LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH.
3. Not many people I’ve met and/or friended in my entire lifetime; that I’m not still good friends with. Including both of my X’s & my X inlaws..My Xmominlaw still calls me daughter & even cross-country we speak often. I treat people as I want to be treated. What you see is what you get..IF I don’t care for ‘ya? I won’t spend time around you. There aren’t many people I can’t find at least one nice thing to say about them..
4. I am an admitted NEAT freak! I can’t think clearly in cluttered or dirty environments…
5. I absolutely LOVE talking to people! Not too many places I go(even the library..though I try to whisper) that someone doesn’t speak to me. This I feel has allowed me to meet people of ALL backgrounds/cultures/genders..love IT
6. I hated liver as a child. I STILL hate it as an adult. Exclamation mark. Period.
7. If I break bread with a person it means I consider them a friend..Meal times were always special times when I was growing up. And for me? It still is.
7 Moments I Hold Dear in my Heart=
1. The moment I held each of my 3 sons in my arms moments after they were born..NOTHING in my life tops that.
2. The first time my Daddy told me he was proud of ME.
3. The moment I realized as a young woman; that my Momma was always going to be my best friend.
4. The moment my now ex husband told me he couldn’t see his life without me in it..And is one of the reasons we’re still good friends till this day. (even cross-country)
5. The moments I watched my sons graduate from high school/graduate school/and soon we’ll watch our first family PhD graduate. It’s so very nice to be a part of such progression..
6. Being able to help host a 50th wedding anniversary dinner/party for my parents last year…Their LOVE has been an amazing thing to see/watch all of my life
7. When I stood on a California spoken word stage at 45 yrs old with knees & nerves shaking to perform a tribute I’d written to Black Women…Some of the beautiful moments in life are the ones we think we don’t have the nerve to DO; but we do it anyway!
**BONUS BEST MOMENT** Don’t want to mess up the lucky 7 roll, BUT , I’ve got to add this..When my best friend of 30yrs plus stood in front of all at my 50th Bday bash this past July & recited a poem she’d written in honor of our friendship. I didn’t even know she wrote poetry..Amazing after 30 yrs can still learn new things about those in our lives..Truly a moment to be cherished I won’t ever, ever 4get..Mad love & regard Lizzard!!!
Alright here we go that age OLD question@ Do MEN prefer beauty or brains when they chose their significant other? Or better yet IF y’all had to choose one or the other, beauty or brains, which would you choose when choosing your lady? And yep, this question is for men only. The topic came up with a male friend of mine & his response blew my hair back! Not that I was born yesterday nor am I naïve; I just thought things might have changed by now. Haven’t they? >>
Now I clearly understand the biological makeUP of men is different from women.. I get that! Men were created to have a strong drive to procreate with as many women as possible..Google it if you don’t believe me. And backintheday when I was a tad bit younger(and dating guys the same age..); I half expected the motives of men to be somewhat fueled by the above fact. Matter of fact like many other little girls my Daddy taught me long ago @ ‘ What most guys truly desire is what is between your legs..’ But , but doesn’t that change as we age, evolve and progress? In my heart of hearts , and this might sound naïve, I thought(or so I’ve been told by my suitors & exhusband) that when a man looks to choose his woman; he’s looking for far more than just SEX. Isn’t that the case for the majority of men? Let me take this one step further..>>
I love being a woman. Every single thing about being a woman..In the dictionary next to the word feminine should be a picture of ME. My favorite color is pink. I dig wearing dresses/skirts/and ultra feminine clothes during the week..All woman. Then again I also dig jumping in to my jeans & getting my strut ON. BUT just as men probably don’t want women to envision them as a big, fat wallet..I’d like to NOT just be thought of as just a pretty face. Long ago I recall a remark my Momma made..Right now I can’t recall who she was talking to; but I’ve never forgotten it. She said @’I am much more than just a pretty face you know!’ Exclamation mark. Period>>
So whats the scoop guys? And give up the non-censored straight-no-chaser answer..Because inquiring minds(all the women reading this…) really want to know. And us single ones; could truly use a heads UP for insight to how men think these days. Your opinion matters so the floor is yours..
It isn’t far-fetched for single people to date more than one person these days..Heck, I’m willing to bet IF more people did prior to marriage; mayhaps the amount of them who cheat AFTER marriage would be on the decline.(..instead of the opposite) But how can a person who believes in monogamous relationships; date multiple people? I’m soon to embark on such a mission to find out! Truth IS many of us back-in-the-day, considered dating, equal to relationship status. It is not though..That isn’t even part of the definition of what dating is. Good ole Wikipedia defines dating as..’Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person’s life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people…’ >>
As with anything; there are benefits & drawbacks to multi-dating..Personally? I’ve not yet encountered either because my quest won’t begin till about the end of next month..Yep, I’m a planner! First benefit I can figure out already? Without having even dipped my toe in the water yet , multi-dating is going to broaden my options. And at a much faster pace than if I were to date one person at a time..At 50 yrs of age? TIME is precious and I don’t plan on wasting any of it>>
Let me first be clear about one thing..Dating IS dating IS dating and does NOT mean SEX. Dating also means not in a relationship/not married/& still single UNTIL a mutual committment has been made. Sex clouds & over-rides good judgement. Sex when casually dating is out-of-place for a reason because SEX isn’t a casual happening. Or least that is the way I see it. Exclamation point. Period>>
Another benefit to multi-dating is it keeps the FUN in dating..Takes the pressure off. My take on it at 50 yrs of age? Take me or leave me as I am. If it isn’t a mutual link-up; then we can be friends. Or not..Personally? There aren’t many folks I’ve met in my life, on any level, that we’re not still friends. Mature folks can handle that. And being that I’m now 50 yrs old; I won’t be dating any little boys. >>
Another benefit I anticipate could happen from multi-dating? Gives both parties a chance to perhaps date out of their ‘usual dating type’. Which, btw, I’ve never done..No one is going to be a perfect match & this allows the chance to date an array of personality types. (after all they can’t all look as superb as Shemar Moore.dangit what a shame that is! ) Doesn’t that sound like FUN already?!? >>
Disadvantages? Hmmm I really can’t think of many that doesn’t differ from dating in general..BUT with honesty..How many reading this know of people who date several people at one time ; yet LIE about it? I’m not lying to get a love relationship; and I’m not lying once I’m in one again. Never has been my style..I think there could be folks, men & woman, who can’t handle dating a multi-dater. No worries; toss them back in the pond & move on. No harm, no foul & thankfully didn’t waste each others’ time. Personally? I have no tolerance for folks with a jealous nature anyway..Zilch. I think the transition from dating to a relationship, would be same as only dating one person. With the exception of single status to taken. >>
I struggled to think of a happy topic to leave as my last blog prior to surgery..And then it hit me! I’ll blog on a topic I’ve come to LOVE. The pursuit of happiness..>>
**Happiness is a direction, not a place** Quote by Sydney J Harris
It is my belief that happiness IS relative..I believe it is based on what OUR expectation of happiness IS..Have you thought about what your definition of happiness IS? And IF not; how can you reach a state of being that you’ve not yet defined? Hmmmm..Well I’ve thought about what my utopic state would be in all aspects. I don’t base my happiness on other folks “appearance” of being happy either..I do NOT believe that money buys happiness nor does beauty..Lets take Halle Berry for example. Voted without a doubt as one of the world’s most beautiful women. And to boot she is rich…Yet, based on some of her actions/behavior not for ALL the tea in China would I trade shoes with Halle. Lest anyone forget she had a hit & run incident in which she left a person maimed! When she showed UP in court with a band-aid on her face, and the victim bandaged from head-to-toe in a wheelchair, I didn’t see view that as a person who was HAPPY. Not as defined by my happy meter. And IF they’d tested her alcohol level that night??? I’m sure that her day in court would’ve ended totally different..For the record? I think Halle is a beautiful woman. (even sans make-up she is beautiful) But in addition I’d like to add EVEN Halle can’t pull off wearing this outfit..Pregnant or not, beautiful or not; this is ONE ugly arse outfit!!! Gets a zero on my happy meter>>
Now there are some that would have us believe that HAPPINESS is a constant state of mind..I firmly believe that is a load of poppycock! Who on this earth is happy ALL the time? I’d like to see what that type of person looks like..So IF you’re out there please hold your hand UP; and post a picture. Please..I’ve lived a long time. 50 years and counting..Thank God for that every single day..Anyways I digress..Long as I’ve lived even the happiest folks I know ; have days they’re in a FUNK. I have come to feel it is a normal part of life..The trick IS snapping ourselves out of those funk-mood-type-of-moments/days. And guess what? WE have the power to do just that. I know because I do it. And IF I can do it, anyone can. It works if you work IT..Works the opposite way as well though..We can downspiral with our thoughts/moods in the same fashion. But when one learns themselves(which I feel is the key…) can change the motion of those negative thoughts when they begin. Some of us have things that can trigger those negative thoughts & by all costs WE must nip them in the bud..I’m an expert on such things for I’ve lived it; and learned to combat it. Happiness IS a direction & that direction can be a constant forward motion>>
Riddle me this..How can any of us truly know what happiness feels like; If we’ve not lived through the opposite feeling? Known as sad moments/events/experiences…Also known as rainy days. Many who truly know me know I simply HATE rainy days! I honestly do..Having lived on the Right Coast(Cali..West Coast still RULES..) for the better part of 20 yrs I’ve not seen a lot of rain. However , I did live through some really rainy blue down days there..On the flip side of that? In my new home on the Left Coast(Ahhh but I’m growing to love it here too..) I’ve seen a TON of rain outside..Yet, because of the frame of mind I’m in now? Even walking outside on the darkest of rainy days; I’m full of laughter/smiles/and JOY..Sometimes one can dance in the rain even when they HATE the rain..It is a force-learned habit..I just refuse to let the unhappy moments take over my life ever again. And IF I can do it; anyone can>>
When is the last time you thought about what it would take for you to BE happy? What is your utopia? And what are YOU doing to make it come about? Did you know that being happy IS a choice we can make? >>
I think most of us FIGHT to be happy..IN a world full of negative images/sound clips/boob tube flicks/unheavenly things going on from America to kingdom come; we’ve NO choice but to sink or swim..We can choose to sink down into the muck & mire OR fight/claw our way on and UPward to happiness. I feel happiness though differs for all of us. Some of us might be happy as a kid in a candy store living in an 800 square foot cute Lil apartment! While others might require a 5,000 square foot house for them to be happy..But I once met folks living on skid row in Los Angeles that were full of laughter & joy & SMILES. I’d not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes..It was a field trip my exMominLaw took me on that I’ll never forget. Taught me, humbled me!, that being happy doesn’t cost a dime. God gives us a chance at happiness every time he wakes us UP. Or so its my belief..My happiness is driven by simple things.* Being a LOVED child of God. LOVE in my life. Security. Peace in my home/Within my family/On my job. LOVE of my career. Strong Personal Relationships with my family & my extended family of friends. LOVE in my life that surrounds me & comforts me. & Peace of mind * Any/Everything else in my life is extra. Took me a long time to realize that. And I am happy. At long last..Well y’all that’s a wrap until post-surgery. I can say I’ll miss YOU all! Miss me while I’m away…Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & BLESSED. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
Don’t 4get to show me some LOVE while I’m away!!! I won’t feel like writing but trust & believe I’ll be reading
I simply could NOT pass up re-blogging this write..This young man gets IT
From BOY to MAN
Living under the roof of a two parent house hold, you learn the value of love. Life as a boy for me was mostly all about learning how to become a man. It’s nothing like having a father figure to help you understand how to walk, talk, treat a lady and firmly shake hands as well as look another man in his eye as respect. Understanding at a young age how to honor God and follow his commandments on top of respecting morals brings an abundance of wisdom and discernment to escape peer pressure and scope out trouble from miles away. Having morals and following his commandments proactively helped me as a boy think with my brain and not with my man hood. If I would have thought with my man hood it could have created issues that could have followed me when I became a…
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Before I sink my teeth into this topic 1st keep in mind I added UNSOLICITED advice..That is the only hint at a disclaimer I’ll include with this one..One thing that really chaps my fanny? To witness someone/ANYone/Lots of folks; ruining something that I long for..And somebody has to say IT; so it might as well be lil ol me. MARRIED FOLKS IN THIS GENERATION ARE GIVING MARRIAGE A BAD NAME. Y’all ready for this? Here I come with both barrels loaded>>
Main reason I’m on “one”? I’ve tired, naw tyeeed , of getting hit on by married men! I’ll explain more about that in a short bit..First the positively positive proof that things have gone awry with the marriage game is the grand prize winner..Tiger Woods. OMG What the heck was Tiger even thinking by getting hitched??? I actually lost count(cause I was so disappointed in Tiger I stopped reading about the scandal..) of the amount of women he cheated with during his marriage..But it was ALOT. Jeeeeez all he did was make t his ex-wife richer than she ever could’ve dreamed of! Did she drop those 2 kids fast or what?!? Something tells me though she knew exactly what type of man she married..Sorry Tiger ‘I loves ya Bro’ , however, your actions were beyond LAME. Enough said>>
Now many of us have met folks we KNEW were in bad marriages..Or at least what “we” define as a bad marriage..Usually involving domestic violence or cheating..Personally I consider cheating in the top 2 reasons I’d seriously consider divorce.(been there done that..) Apparently these days though either spouses are: a. turning a VERY blind eye to their cheating spouse’s activities OR b. also cheating..The even weirder thing? I’ve heard of folks getting cheated on multiple times before marriage & STILL walking down the isle..I just don’t get IT>>
Don’t get me wrong for I can TOTALLY understand that married folks love SEX..Sex, in my humble opinion, is one of the most natural human urges we possess. 2nd only to consuming food/water..However, hows about using some DISCIPLINE? Dang! For some that are celibate due to vocation(priests, nuns, etc..) or due to waiting it out(more like toughing it out at this point) in pursuit of quality over quantity; its been proven that discipline sexually can be achieved. Bottom line IS if you can’t keep your pants/panties ON while married : a. don’t leave the house ! b. don’t get married c. be honest with spouse & give them the option of leaving your fanny(cause truth is these days being promiscuous is downright dangerous) >>
Back to how this impacts me..I believe in monogamy. I believe in marriage..Exclamation mark. Period. I’ll openly admit BOTH of those institutions(for lack of a better word right now..) are very difficult to maintain..Its hard to walk a straight line; my fingers are trembling at the thought even as I typed that..Nevertheless I stand as a witness(my parents marriage of 52 yrs & counting..) and from my own personal experience that when maintained in a mutual healthy manner? Monogamous marriage IS the ultimate love relationship in every possible way. Backintheday folks took their marriage vows to heart @ Till death do us part/For better or worse/In sickness & health & of course ‘What GOD has joined no man can divide’..Somewhere in those vows I’d like to believe that didn’t include a laundry list of other partners like Tiger..Didn’t it? Or have marriages always been soiled with serial cheating? As usual my questions invoke more questions..>>
Having said all the above..WHY is it that all the HOT guys these days are MARRIED? Lawd! I can’t be the only one that notices this..And WHY aren’t their marriage bands soldered onto their fingers?!? Better yet they should have a big, fat tattoo on their forehead that says ‘I AM MARRIED’. Better yet hows about married men just STOP hitting on single women? Go figure it could actually be that simple. The part that is truly deceptive is approaching a single woman/acting single/she has no clue/& then gets slammed couple hours into the conversation with “I really dig you. Alot! But I’m sort of married” WOW talk about false advertising..IF I were POTUS the first law I’d put into place? ALL MARRIED PEOPLE MUST WEAR THEIR WEDDING BANDS>>
The more I think about it this must be a Southern ‘thang…Honestly? It wasn’t something I recall having to deal with on the West Coast..Could that possibly mean there were more faithful married guys there? Hmmmm Is it something in the tropical air that makes guys FORGET they have a wife at home? Or is the new norm for marriage? I most certainly hope it isn’t because I, for one, am so looking forward to marriage again..One last time for the rest of this life journey..I’m sure I’ll turn a blind eye to most of my next husband’s faults..For I fall short of perfection myself..BUT if he ever ‘EVA tries to walk out of the house without his wedding band on?!? I’ll let y’all figure out what my solution will be to that scenario. And that’s the end of my rant/vent ..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
*crickets chirping* No comments from the peanut gallery? I’d love to read comments from the happily married folks out there..And because I enjoy learning from an array of viewpoints; I’d love to hear from earlier serial cheaters..Or even folks who have cheated once & learned from the experience..Heck, I wouldn’t mind reading comments from someone/anyone who is now cheating..ALL comments/viewpoints will be respected ; I promise..Most of all I’m curious IS marriage still the IN thing? Or has it become an outdated tradition? Come on folks sound off & lets rap>>
..It’s NO secret I loved being married!/miss being married/and WILL be married one last time..Its also no secret I’ve been on the longest dating-marriage-hiatus I’ve ever been on..3 yrs to be exact..Its been good for me & I’ve used my time wisely to do ME..But enough is enough..For one thing this celibacy thing is NO laughing matter..It GOT real rough(I actually think I went through WITHdrawals..Ugh)..And end of September? Once I clear a few more things off my to-do list; I’m officially putting myself back on the market. I might even become a multi-dater for a quick minute; because time is precious..And? My next deadline is rapidly approaching..I said I’d be “engaged” by the end of the year I made 50 yrs old. So its time for me to get a social life & get BUSY. Y’all ready for this list of wife material stuff? >>
( These aren’t in any specific order at all..Just a list of things I learned from experiencing marriage/experience divorce UGH I do NOT ever want to go through divorce again/observing my parents marriage of 51 yrs and going strong../taking notes from my male friends.
> Ladies, do NOT ask for your significant other’s OPINION; if you really don’t want to hear the truth. Excellent friend of mine told me, ‘ Do NOT ask a question; that you really do NOT want the answer to’ For instance..That pathetic question @ Honey, do I look FAT in this dress??? OMG knowing dang full well that IF he says you DO look like a fat; you’re going to be MAD at him for the rest of the night..2nd part of this IS..Appreciate your man’s opinion for what it IS. His opinion…If you can’t appreciate/respect/and truly LISTEN to your man’s opinion? Then your man just might be with the wrong woman. Moving right along>>
ONE of guys biggest pet peeves about women IS the nagging & whining! Ladies? IF you’ve got something that you’re SO unhappy about it makes you whine & bitch & moan alll the time; work to CHANGE it. It really IS just that simple..What is funny about it is women who whine & complain? Do NOT like to be around other woman who do it..So WHY torture your man with it? I might catch some heat from women for that; but y’all know it is the TRUTH. And to piggy back on that; I’m a heterosexual woman and I get tired of being around women who NAG. OMG enough is enough..IF you feel the need to nag & correct & micromanage your man allll the time? Then you might just be with the WRONG man..Quietly agree to be just friends..IF he doesn’t figure it out first and RUN>>
Don’t “act” one way to snag your man; then change UP …Most men want you to be REAL..They’ll respect that alot more than “airs” & “fakeness”..Bottom line is it is either a match or not..And it is better to know before marriage; and not during the marriage. People evolve as it is..Part of the magic of long-term relationships is maintaining ‘the connection’; through the evolvements..BUT if you start with being a LIE; than said relationship is doomed from the onset. >>
Appreciate and RESPECT your man..IN public or alone together; men want to be respected just as women do. I hear women say often; they want to marry UP..I’ve yet to meet a man though who wants to be treated like a big, fat wallet! Times have changed; we women saw to that when we GOT the liberation we wanted..Respect & appreciate your man & he’ll spoil you forever..>>
Contrary to the rumor , from what I’ve heard, men don’t marry bitches..So forget what you heard..Men are attracted to women who are genuine and kind. It isn’t something that can be faked nor conjured up either..Just comes naturally. And when you treat your guy like a king; he’ll treat you like the queen that you are>>
I’ll be back on this topic in September when I’m back on the market..Till then happy hunting girlfriends!