Posted in Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

DO Ask DO Tell?

Not too long ago I answered a question someone asked me..Ever had that happen? Random question, or so YOU thought? Asked by a friend or acquaintance; and when you answer HONESTLY but with tact(I try, I try..) you know almost immediately..YOURS was the WRONG answer!?! What I would truly like to know is this..WHY don’t folks who ask questions; give a multiple list choice of CORRECT answers??? I hardly ever mean to offend anyone..UNLESS I’m trying to offend someone on purpose..Which thankfully isn’t often. At all..Nevertheless I’m going to start following these tips from now on when I answer questions people ASK..Y’all ready for this? >>

First on the list is probably the hardest of all..Been in a situation when someone asks you a question & you aren’t sure IF they really want the truth or not? Is being honest always best in all given situations? When IS lying to someone , so as not to bruise their feelings, ever the right thing to do? When I find myself questioning how to answer someone’s personal question & I find myself pausing for reflection on how to answer? I do my best to DIVERT from even answering the question. Its times like those that my gift for gab comes in handy..>>

A very wise good friend of mine once advised me to NEVER ask him a question that I really didn’t want the answer to! Nevertheless folks from time to time will ask me a question that I know, in my hearts of hearts, that a..They won’t like my answer if I respond honestly b. It’s a trap! And knowing/feeling this from the onset I flat-out refuse to respond. No diversion. Just give ’em that look @ Did you really expect me to answer that question??? >>

questiondignify



From timetotime when someone I care about asked a question; I’ll give them a 2 second warning of what type of response I’m going to give..This gives them a chance to stop me before I even begin to respond..IF said person lets me begin to answer it’s at their own risk..I prefer to be answered honestly; even though the truth can sometimes hurt. I’d rather know then not know..Or I’d not have asked. But that’s just the way I see it
>>

I’ll never understand why some ask questions they don’t really want the answer to..Not the honest answer anyway..Why ask? And WHY so often; do folks heap a guilt trip on a person for answering honestly? Especially when they asked the question in the first place??? *slapping forehead* Ask me NO questions & I’ll tell you NO lies(and give me the same in return..)

Posted in @Cultural, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^

>>the Are U Racist test..Hint=If U start a sentence with I’m not racist because..<<

This topic comes UP alot these days..It came up recently while I was chatting with a friend; I decided then I was going to bring it to my blog to dialogue. A taboo topic that need not be taboo IF folks could/would..speak openly & honestly about IT. Very hopeful to make that happen here as I do what only I can do; the way I do it..Sincerely & with finesse, somewhat?>

>WASHINGTON — Lawyers for Arizona, a state that has clashed repeatedly with the federal government on the issue of immigration, will be back at the Supreme Court on Monday defending a state law that requires proof of citizenship in order to register to vote in elections.

< I want to be clear before I dig into this topic. I’ve had issues with Arizona’s proposed citizenship law; since its very inception. Living in California at the time & quite in-the-know-about-politics(I once ran for office long ago..) ; I understood the law for what it was/IS. Voter suppression. Point blank. For the record there are already laws/statues in place for voter identity. (to ensure folks that vote are indeed American citizens) The proposed Arizona law desires measures in ADDITION to what the Federal law already requires(according to the National Voter Registration Act) Take into account Arizona didn’t introduce the idea for this law; until a very eligible Black American ran for President. Also take into account Arizona was one of the very last states(they held out, with New Hampshire, until they received a litany of heavy criticism) to make MLK, Jr birthday a paid state holiday.  Coincidental? I don’t think so…Lets dig a bit deeper>

We have a fear about talking about RACE ISSUES in America..Its like a dirty little secret that the ENTIRE world knows about(that our country was built, including majority of D.C., on the backs of slaves…) and yet; it’s not talked about openly in public. Because of this being factual is my belief that racism can still exist in our country. Or least that is one of the reasons .  Can’t work to erase something that “allegedly” is already dealt with…But even a blind, deaf-mute  knows that the days of racism/racist attitudes/racist beliefs/racist tendencies are  far from over>

*I could keep my head buried in the sand..Act as if racism is truly dead in a country I love..On a daily basis living as a Black American woman I’m not physically touched by racism..But our Black men, America’s Black MEN, are catching HELL..As a mother of 3 grown Black beautiful Black men I simply can’t pretend racism is dead. As an American I can’t turn a deaf ear & blind eye either. How many more Martin Trayvons, Chavis Carters, & Oscar Grants have to die for us to openly discuss race issues in our country? Very well could’ve been one of MY sons..two of whom are fond of wearing hoodies from time2time. To think the unthinkable could happen to them or ANY law-abiding citizen in our country; is more than I can bear to think. And more than enough to motivate me to use my freedom of speech to speak on IT..yet another thing I love about my country@freedom of speech & thought. I think therefore I blog>

I wonder everyonceinagreatwhile IF I weren’t Black if I’d care so much that racism still exists..IF I were privy to White privilege would I feel racist beliefs/treatment were unjust? IF I were White would I turn a blind eye to people’s freedom & lives being taken away without justified reason? I’d like to think I’d still feel the same as I do now. Matter of fact I’m almost willing to bet I would; because I’ve got an enormous heart. Wrong is wrong no matter the color of a person’s skin/ethnic background/cultural foundation/personal belief system. 

If you start a sentence with, I’m not racist because…More than likely you probably are or have racist tendencies. And for the love of God; I wish folks would stop saying I’ve got Black/White friends so I’m not racist. As IF! I’ve said it before & I’ll say it one ‘mo time; that only means you’ve got Black or White friends. I don’t try to dis-prove or UNprove anything; or least I try not to. What I attempt to do is love & accept everyone..That inofitself has been something that is an on-going process. As I’ve evolved as I’ve learned more about different cultures and life styles; my level of acceptance has broadened. I really can’t express it any other way..So read between the lines. I believe that IGNORANCE is what lies as the foundation of racism & prejudice. What folks don’t understand or know about; they often form negative opinions about. What can also feed a person’s belief system is = what they’re taught as children. Thankfully I was taught self-pride/cultural pride/LOVE. But what about children that were taught to hate from birth? I wasn’t one who thought racism would die overnight because we’d elected a Black POTUS. Rome wasn’t built in a day; and something it took many moons to create will take more than a minute to change…What I do think is that as a country WE can do better. The next 4 years will be a time of great positive change for our country..Or so its my belief based on many factors. That is another topic for another time. However having said all of that; there is NO time like the present to do what is right. I’m hoping we can do it together. *One love*

Posted in "Just for fun", ***DPCHALLENGE, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

>>WHY are MEN so CLUELESS?!?>>

Before anyone out there gets all UPtight..this post is ALL in fun. It is a direct piggy-back female version to Opinionated Man’s blog post called ‘Women are Crazy’. I thought it would be cool, challenging and FUN to also poke fun at a couple things about MEN..Going to try my best to match his wit/skills. ~

>Mayhaps the best way to open the door to this topic wide right out the gate is to begin with the..Remote Control. I’ll keep it simple guys so there should be NO issue with understanding the message. I took a vote from as many women as I could gather up and the general consensus is this= Ya’ll can HAVE total control over the T.V. remote control;  as long as you agree to ALWAYS put the toilet seat down. Deal? Alright, cool moving right along…

>Now here is a whopper. WE women voted unanimously  on this one= We’ll serve you breakfast in bed every morning/run your bath water/have dinner cooked when you get home from work/get UP in the middle of the night to get you a glass of water/never “claim” to have a headache when you wake us UP in the middle of the night for some loving, etc etc yada yada..as long as you NEVER take issue with the few times we might ask you to pick up our feminine products. Don’t trip..trust me on this one, NO ONE in the store will think its  yours! Deal? Alright cool lets move on I’m just getting started..

>This is sans a GPS system or mapquest..Alright guys we figured it out. WE know when you know that we’re lost! We also will let ya’ll fake the funk for a while driving around and around in circles..We’ll also act as if we didn’t see the same streets and buildings already the first 3 times we passed them. Ok? But it might be nice, every once in a while, if you just admit it and say, “Know what baby;  I have NO clue where we are or how to get where we’re going!” And then just stop to ask someone else for directions. *slapping forehead* Enough said, moving right along…

>Guys? Please stop believing dubious relationship tips your guy friends are passing along to you. Every woman deserves to be treated /trusted based on her OWN merit. Same as you wish to be regarded/treated/respected…ya’ll having fun yet? There is more…

>When your woman says ‘Lets talk baby’ for the love of God don’t trip! It doesn’t mean she is dumping you(unless you know you’ve been messing UP badly…) ..what it means it she wants your undivided attention to talk about something that is important to her. Keep in mind women get oxytocin from having deeeeep , meaningful talks with you.(also from nursing babies & sex) Whereas men mainly get the same from having sex! Don’t believe me? Google it… So just relax/LISTEN/ and things will go smoothly so you can get back to  your fave T.V. show. Agreed? I’m almost finished now…

>Guys? There is NO reason to start an argument or worse LIE to go hang with your guy friends. Matter of fact a mature, self confident , self assured woman..knows you NEED your male-bonding time. So go have a good time; you deserve it. Grown folks need their own space sometimes..its normal..but to lie about it or start an argument over foolishness is a deal-breaker. Gets negative amount of brownie points in my world. Honesty still counts with some of us

>A few “nevers”= NEVER call your woman a Bi_ch! I don’t care if she is acting like one; don’t call her out of her name with this word. It is one of the worst things a man can call a woman. And IF she acts like this on a consistent basis..then perhaps you need to re-evaluate what type of woman you’re attracted to. There is no need for such ugliness…Also NEVER ask your woman if she’s gained a few pounds. Do NOT make any comment even close to , fat. Now she might very well be blowing up weight wise..but a wise man won’t tell her that. Oh! if she is acting cranky; never, EVER, even on a bad day say that its cause she is on her period..let her say it. But you better not . Don’t say I didn’t warn ya’ll..Alright, here comes my last one…

>Last but not least..stop saying we don’t value your opinion. We do! Most of us anyway..we’d not be with YOU if we didn’t respect you/adore you/need you/desire you/love you. Which includes respecting your male perspective..there is nothing more comforting to a woman than to hear her man’s honest opinion. Why? Because we know he has our best interest at heart and has our back…At the end of the day WE can’t live without ya’ll. Man and WOman weren’t  meant to live without love. And that takes 2. Love is what makes us thrive and flourish..and everyone, wants to be loved. The beautiful thing about a relationship is when it works! And it takes 2 people who accept each other with  flaws/faults..none of us are perfect. Love is worth putting up with a few minor issues..or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, LOVE, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^

^Can Emotional Love = Making Love? <

As much as the foundation of my BEing rests on emotions(& sensitivity); I’m still quite an analytical person. Lately this topic has been heavy on my mind and I’ve been tossing it around even in my sleep. Did ya’ll know it is possible to have valid thoughts, that we remember when we wake, in our sleep? Usually it is those thoughts that are so very important to us; that we save them until we have no other distractions. While we’re sleeping…

Mayhaps this has come to my mind at a time; when if in a love relationship I’d be having IT. While I’m sleeping..Or quite possibly because my mind is justifying why the “wait” for it; is indeed worth it. Isn’t it? Our biological primal urge to have sex is one of the strongest instincts we possess. Did ya’ll know that? Google it if you don’t believe me..Nonetheless in my life journey I’ve come to believe the following: Sex without feelings is a worthless waste of time. (which is probably why I’ve never had it..) Let me take this one step further. Making love is NOT the same as having sex. At all. And an emotional love (=emotional bond) can trump making love..Can’t it?

SEX is far more than just an exchange of bodily fluids and a calisthenic marathon; YET it ranks far less than making love. But the cherry on top(no pun intended) is emotional sex..also known as emotional love or bond. < Or should I say this is the way I see IT>

Since most lists that rank anything are from worst to best..I’m going to do the opposite. Just because I dig being different. Ready? Hang on tight..

Emotional sex= Anyone heard of the term “love chemicals” that can be produced by the brain? Research has shown that the effect of “love chemicals” is 2fold: they’re released in response to your “friend” plus they bond you to him/her. Emotional sex stems from a friendship that escalates(usually without the parties being aware its happening ..) into something that feels as “real” as romantic love. Even thinking about the person can release hormones and “love chemicals’ from the brain. Thus any contact with the person can become as potent as a drug addiction. Because women produce higher amounts of oxyctocin(the bonding hormone ) ; the feeling of having met a soul-mate connection can be greatly enhanced. But I’ve got to add to this that woman’s intuition is also VERY strong; so whose to say she truly hasn’t met a soul-mate in such instances? I’m of the belief we can have more than one possible  soul-mate on the planet..

Making love is an act in which a sacred sense , close to spiritual , can be experienced in every gesture, every sensory perception and every , single action. The very act is like food to a love relationship and is mandatory that feeds and cultivates it; so it can flourish. It is the highest form of intimacy created and especially designed by God..The merging of two people in this special act of love; elevates the relationship to a deeper consciousness of love. Making love in a sense is a type of worship, honoring and celebrating the divine within us. While experiencing pleasure beyond measure; we’re lifted to a connection not only physical..but also emotional and spiritual.

Sex IS typically not thought of as a biological need; but it is. Reason it isn’t viewed as one is because it can fulfill physical & mental needs. But it is my belief that it IS necessary for the generation & maintenance of good health. It is better than going to the gym; for it works every, single muscle in your body..It is a primal urge that can be physically fought off; but can still invoke thoughts about it many, many times a day. Without provocation and quite involuntary at times. We’ve all heard about the studies done on how many times a day a man thinks about sex..I personally think women think about it even more. But don’t think it is politically correct to admit..

Having said all of the above I’ve got to add an important footnote: This isn’t the 60s anymore! Unprotected sex can cause more than a pregnancy these days; it can literally kill. When a person has sex with someone these days; you’re in essence trusting them with your life. At any age protected sex should be a given..but what about protecting one’s heart from hurt? Is it possible for women to have sex without love? Is it really possible for the new friends-with-benefits arrangement; to work without someone catching feelings? Isn’t it well known women associate sex with feelings? But don’t men also? Yes, they do…Bottom line is one has to trust the person you’re linking up with physically. And though a primal necessary biological need; I feel God created man/woman with feelings & emotions for a reason. Different from any other mammal in that sense..so that we could fall in love! Ultimate love relationship I believe combines an emotional love with making love=being in love. It doesn’t get much better than that..not on earth anyway. Until I write /read ya’ll again stay uplifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^

^Are U Who U Were Supposed To B?

This is DAY 1 of the rest of my life journey…WOW..Every , single morning when I rise at O dark thirty that is my 2nd thought. Real talk. My first thought is to thank my GOD for waking me..Inofitself, even in excellent health; that IS a blessing. I am fighting the urge to free flow this morning lyrically; but it is coming. And good news? I’ve found a poetic partner! (but thats another topic for another time & post..) Constantly during this part of my spiritual & life journey; I question the self part of moi(me). Am I the person I was created to be? Am I getting closer to my GOD given purpose? Am I who I was supposed to B along the journey? Yep, as usual my questions have questions…Am I living the answers?

I think, yes, I am becoming myself. Finally, I am the me I was supposed to B..As I strive to reach all of my goals(spiritually,physically,love relationship/career/education/personal goals..) and pushing myself to do more & more in a day; slowly but surely I’m getting closer. To? Living UP to my GOD given purpose..I’m not there yet & I just know it. I feeeeel it. Without a doubt “HE” isn’t finished with me/”HE” is still working on me/”HE” is for sure working THROUGH me..I can feel it as sure as I’m sitting here. Which inofitself is nothing short of a miracle! Even just a few years back I wasn’t feeling nor seeing “HIM”; I’d grown numb. Impossible as that seems, with  as much as I possess  feelings/passion!/creativity/energy/vibrance; I’d grown numb. And if that can happen to me..certainly it can happen to anyone.

I’ve learned that nothing in this lifetime is impossible. Nada. Rien. Niente. Nihilum. With GOD and a positive attitude in our lives; not even what seems out of our reach is impossible. WE and I am limited more by what we “think” we can’t accomplish; than by what is factual. I’ve lived and learned that the  hard way. And now that I’m on the other side of that ephiphany?!? WOW. Not even I can truly express in it words..it just feels good. Alot. And it flows as naturally from me as the sun shining. If my words have inspired one person reading this to “reflect” on working to become self; I’ll be content. Positive vibes spread like wild fire…Pass it on. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 and Only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

MORE Black Men in Prison; Than Were Enslaved in 1850<<

Can ya’ll believe that??? Believe it or not it is the “new”  norm..

““More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began,” Alexander, an Ohio State law professor, recently told listeners at the Pasadena Branch of the American Civil Liberties Union….” Quote taken from article written March 2011 regarding stats in Michelle Alexander’s book>

Alexander’s seminal book, “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness” argues that prisons have become the latest form of economic and social disenfranchisement for young folks of color, particularly black men. In it, she grapples with a central question: If crime rates have fluctuated over the years and are now at historical lows, then why have rates of incarcerated men of color skyrocketed over the past 30 years? <

~For those that are just tuning IN..I’m utilizing the month of Black History Month to talk about Black specific topics that the masses either a. On a grand scale don’t want to think/talk about because “not” being aware is easier than dealing with reality b. Far too busy with their lives to worry about the lives of the future generation c. Just don’t care d. prefer to keep their heads in the sand and just tend to “self” e. don’t READ therefore honestly miss what goes on in the world around them. f. Are aware and are raising well-grounded /well-taught children/mentoring/outreach to the at-risk community, etc g. Did I leave anyone out?  Bottom line IS there is no time like the present; especially Black History Month to talk about some of “tougher” topics regarding Black America. What better place than in an environment that receives 402 MILLION readers of 4.1 BILLION pages a month? WordPress. A site I love dearly! A site I didn’t even know  how to navigate on a mere 3 months ago when I began here…I’m cognizant with EVERY single keystroke that my words here are a carbon print that will last forever…I don’t take that lightly. Now back 2 the topic at hand. I’m going to post a few alarming statistics and attempt to give this topic the due JUSTice it deserves…

Let that sink in for a minute into every pore of your being..

**The way I see IT is pretty simple. Any time you’ve got more people IN the penal system; than IN college(or in the education system period…) that surrounding/environment/society/and in this case an ENTIRE race/class/segment of society will suffer in a negative manner. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. And I’m far from being that..nevertheless as a Black Mother/Ma/Moms/Mom myself I’m beyond concerned about this issue. Even from the viewpoint of being an American citizen, born & bred & LOVE my country ’tis of thee   I’m frightened when I see the statistics. As a former state prison employee I cried MANY a tear seeing upclose and personal the young Black youth behind bars. Just weeped uncontrollably..mayhaps because I’m aware of the atrocious things that happen in prison is yet another reason I feel as I do. IF the current trend continues 1 out of EVERY 3 Black male adults will spend some time IN prison. I’m sorry folks but I see that as a reason to be alarmed..

Did you KNOW? That when many surveys are taken   by government agencies they “exclude” the people from prison population from their research & findings?!? When they’re added back into the equation it dramatically alters the picture of the  status of ..Black America. It isn’t a pretty picture. Over half of the 2.3 million people in American prisons are; BLACK. Even on a good day folks; how can that be a good thing? Just keep in mind there are NO good days behind bars..

DISCLAIMER: I’m NOT an advocate nor user of drugs. Nor am I saying that folks who break the law shouldn’t be PUNISHED..nonetheless there is a blatant “grey area” that mayhaps needs 2 be considered. <<<<

The question that BEGS to be answered is=WHY ARE SO MANY BLACK MEN LOCKED UP IN AMERICA? Well lets consider the war on drugs for a minute. By itself; the war on drugs has affected Black communities far more than others. Would you agree? There are increased arrests of Blacks for NON-violent offenses and yet…”There is NO evidence that drug use is dramatically different by race or ethnicity; but the pattern of arrests is very different. ” Quote from Ernest Drucker. Author of ‘A Plaque of Prisons’  Let that sink in for a minute…

Is it ANY small wonder, given the above happenstances, that as of Dec. 2012 ..a whopping 72% of Black American children are being raised in SINGLE parent homes?!? The media hypes up only the parts they like & dilute(or totally delete) the background info…yet! there is no excuse with the Internet ya’ll can’t do due diligence to find out the REAL scoop behind the scoop. What can WE do to stop this cycle ? My humble opinion is quite more than is being done on a grand scale..Often times when something seems SO monumental folks don’t know how or where to begin. The way I see it one by one we can do our part in various ways..Educate, educate, educate. For the remaining parents out there link UP together to raise YOUR children! Stop letting the boob tube, the internet, or their friends raise them…It is a parents JOB to arm a child with whatever they need to become PROductive good human beings. Don’t take on the task of being a parent if you’re not going to do the JOB. It is the most important JOB on the planet. Exclamation mark. Period..Far more than brand names clothes & overpriced tennis shoes children need guidance/discipline/and TONS of love. For folks who don’t have children mentor someone else’s. Even more so these days it truly takes a VILLAGE. My eldest son, who has NO children of his own AND is wrapping up his P H D, is presently going through the Big Brother interview process..to become a Big Brother. That is on top of his terribly busy schedule and mentoring his 2 younger brothers(my sons..) IF we all took on some small part to lend a hand; certainly the change can be great. At least that is the way I see it..

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, **RELIGIOUS**, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^The way DOWN is the way UP?^ Makes perfect sense 2 me..*WordPress DPChallenge

**No worries..IF the phrase@The way down is the way UP doesn’t make sense to U yet; it is because you’ve NOT  entered the 2nd part of your spiritual life. Least according to the author, Richard Rohr, who penned the book ‘Falling UPward’.  A recommended read by one of my spiritual advisors & also one of the BEST books I’m glad to have read. Ever…and ever is a very long time. Are ya’ll ready for the way I see IT? >

**I was simply going to do a review of the book,’Falling Upward’by Richard Rohr(also penned ‘The Naked Now‘which is also on my reading list) then I decided to write my thoughts on his book. Which is SO aligned with the phase of life I’m in right now..feels as if I could’ve written it! Ever read a poem/quote/book and said ‘Dangggg I could’ve/should’ve written that first?!?

The message conveyed with the phrase@The way DOWN is the way UP is simple and clear. >A person can NOT avoid sin or making mistakes in life! I tried waybackwhenIwasstrugglingtobeaperfectionist…IF one tries too hard to NOT sin/make mistakes ; it can (and usually does..) lead to worse problems. Trip on this for a  minute…cause I had an AHA moment when I read this in the book . Remember the story about the prodigal son?!? Who had done everything in his life totally wrong? And the other son had done everything totally right in his life? Who ended UP being God‘s beloved?!!!

**ONE of the best-kept secrets of the soul  is this concept…One more example before I truly dig into this..Sleeping Beauty! We’ve all heard that fairy tale story told , right? Hows that for an example of LOSS and RENEWAL? She has to sleep for a hundred years! before she can receive the prince’s kiss..WOW thats a longgggg time to wait for some loving! But the question that begs to be answered is WHY is it this concept a secret of the soul?!? Or is it that we make a deliberate choice not to see it? When we see we’re heading into a down spiral we kick and scream against the flow; who wants to go down or what is perceived as backwards? Or worse at a standstill? Why do we “fear” feeling bad for a minute? Especially when in actuality “during” and once pulling out of those awful times…the clarity achieved during the seemingly “stand still ” positions is mind blowing. Or least it was for me. I knew I’d grown in major leaps and bounds when I could finally! glance back(for a brief moment) and see clearly the lessons I was supposed to GET during the awful bad times. One such case in particular my divorce so long ago. I never thought I’d EVER want to love again after that..Divorce to me then meant failure. And failure wasn’t an option for me at that point of my life. Such a perfectionist I “used” 2 be

>In a nutshell its my belief now that NOT only are we to learn from our mistakes in this life journey; we are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. It is a part of the human experience..Isn’t victory sweeeeeter after having attempted , again, after first failing? Don’t we appreciate the things in life that we did NOT take for granted? And the “suffering” periods some of us have been through..often I’ve said I had to learn the hard way alot of times. Could mayhaps that have been the only way I’d finally get “it?” I once said, after divorce, I could NOT wait to get to the “other side” of the funky feeling I felt. And felt that funky feeling for years and years..A friend quoted me on that in one of his published books. But when I finally did get to the other side?! WOW I can’t stop smiling. And smiling. And laughing..for there were a few years I’d forgotten how to laugh. I can smile and laugh because I made it through and crawled my way through alot of shiiiiite tunnels. Would life have been this sweet to me now if I hadn’t had to wade through “ish” to get here?

What I know for sure is for the past couple years I don’t have many rainy days. Maybe a handful…not because crap hasn’t happened. But because I began to change MY entire way of thinking. Entirely. One must learn to find beauty in everything. Even the bittersweet things. The good times wouldn’t be as good; IF one hadn’t also experienced and survived bad times. And that is the way I see it every single day now. From the moment we “wake” up each day we’re blessed! And in my opinion if we look at the fresh start of each day with that positive thought..the entire day can’t be all negative. We only have all bad days if we want to. The choice is ours<

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Health Matters*, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

`PILL POPPING PIMPED PEOPLE` *DP PostaDay Challenge*

**DEEP topic ALERT** I’m going 2 do my best 2 give this topic the due justice it deserves..Are ya’ll ready for me? I’m diving IN head 1st..I hope my uncensored & deep thoughts don’t offend anyone BUT  this is the way I see IT>>

~~It is NO measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly  sick society~~Quote by Krishnamurti

We’re living in a society which now thrives on instant gratification. A wait of more than 5 minutes is far too long..I find myself guilty as charged! Can’t stand waiting in line at the supermarket. I have to distract myself by reading(thank you GOD for the magazines at the check-out stands) while I’m waiting. Can’t stand waiting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. (I’ve got a phobia after being rear ended in Cali, twice!) Even found myself impatiently waiting on text responses..OMG why haven’t they answered my question??? And its only been 15 minutes or so; THAT is ridiculous of me. (especially since I do NOT respond sometimes to texts for hours..) But hasn’t our society also become very hedonistic in nature? For I feel not only do we want things quicker! faster; WE also want things right now that make US feeeeeel good. Even if it is to know we’re SO important to someone they’d answer our texts within minutes…But , how did we get here? I don’t recall backintheday feeling as if things had to be so rushed! I remember a day(OMG I’m starting to sound like my parents..) when we’d have to wait to get home to discover we’d forgotten to buy something at the market. Long, long before the birth of cell phones or even the old-skool beepers. Backinthedays when people actually walked UPright; and not bent over walking peering into a smart phone! As IF we can’t wait to get to a stand still position to keep up with texts, news, or Facebook happenings..Jeeeeeez. Have those things really become that important to us?!? When did it come to pass that folks stopped learning how to deal naturally with bad feelings or bodily symptoms? Got a headache? Pop a Tylenol in your mouth! Got menstrual cramps? Pop a Midol in your mouth! Can’t keep an erection? Pop a Viagra in your mouth! Feeling SAD for longer than 5 minutes? Pop a Prozac in your mouth! Want to win a cazillion Olympic medals? Pop illegal pills in your mouth! Feeling moody for a day? Pop a pill ! Kids can’t keeeeeep still in school? Give them some ritalin; which I feeeeeel then gets children HOOKED onto drugs for LIFE…Real talk 

**About 20 years ago I began to see a distinct change …Prior to that I wasn’t even aware of  how many CHILDREN were being prescribed(with parental consent!) drugs. Backintheday when I was in school there were just hyper normal ACTIVE children..We had what was called recess and P.E. to run off the energy. AND our parents didn’t load us UP with all kinds of sugary foods…least mine didn’t. My bro and I used to BEG my Mom to buy pop tarts/sugar smacks cereal(do they still sell that?) and anything with tons of sugar in it. BUT she didn’t cave in..we ate cheerios, rice crispies, etc..The things I’m thankful for now; that I hated as a child. Sorry I digressed badly with that flashback. But anyways back to 20 years ago I experienced a teacher, yep!, telling me mayhaps my middle son neeeeeded “something”…Something like what? Something to help him NOT to be so active..Oh, really??? I won’t tell you what my first response was to her. Nor will I tell you what my 2nd response was. BUT I wasn’t the person I was today back then. My tongue is a lethal weapon; I’ve learned how to bite it alot these days…Back then? I’m sure till this day, if she is alive, she recalls what I said to her…

Note to parents: YOU are your children’s advocate and VOICE. No one, and I mean no one, has the right to tell you to put your children on drugs. Not even to suggest IT. And IF they do and they happen to be a public educator; you can make dang sure they’re disciplined and or FIRED. It is my sincere belief that putting children on drugs! at early ages; can get them on a path of addiction. I don’t need a study to tell me this. I’ve witnessed other people(I never let anyone prescribe mood altering drugs for my middle son or any son I’ve got) whose children later became addicts. I’ve also heard stories from addicts who feel that is how/why they became addicts. Doesn’t it make sense? First of all anything you have to wean someone OFF of gradually(which you have to do with those drugs); can’t be a goooood thing. Second of all the same results can be attained by altering a child’s diet. Give them little to NO foods with sugar or color additives..The healthier option anyway! Stop feeeding them junk food just because it is more convenient. Keep children active. Get them involved in school sports activities..All 3 of my sons were active, hormonal , NORMAL boys.  Even in a city with temps of 100 degrees plus in the summer, yep! it was hot as HELL,  we took them to the park after dark to RUN off their energy. And the school gym. And walked alot in air conditioned Malls. By whatever means necessary worked their energy OFF; with 3 young ACTIVE  sons it was also a survival tactic. Otherwise I’m sure we’d have gone bonkers!  But I had a friend whose teacher told her/her husband IF they didn’t put their child on ritalin? Said teacher was going to tie their son to a chair to keeeeeep him still…I was horrified when I heard that. Tried with all my might to talk them out of doing it. But they did ; and started years of having to alter the level of ritalin . PLUS watching that child go through all sorts of physical emotional changes..Including walking around like a drug numbed zombie. And I’m sorry , in my opinion, that is not normal for a young growing boy.

>Before I wrap this up let me preface by saying …I’m NOT speaking in regards to people who takes meds for health issues. Nor do I have the right to judge anyone who chooses medication to stay alive. What I will say in regards to that is for the youth….an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Translation: eat well, treat your body right, exercise!, drink tons of water, intake fresh veggies/fruits. I’m still doing those things even at my age..trying with all my might to “not” have to join the ranks of pill poppers for health reasons. Much as I love life though if my Doc ever says I have to…Well , hopefully I won’t have to be concerned with that decision anytime soon.

Mood enhancers. Mood -altering drugs…Are they really necessary? Can’t becoming dependent on them cause death??? As seen with my beloved Michael Jackson, Whitney and even Tina Marie. What about folks like Charlie Sheen? Talented as he is; he looks about a cazillion years older than he is. And how about the folks who get on a drug for chronic pain? And then due to side effects have to get on another drug? And another drug to get over the side effects of that one! It happens…Not only that one can become addicted to pain pills. Even with the warnings that a drug can be addictive; people still need something to dull unbearable pain. And though I wouldn’t indulge I still feel natural drugs should be made legal! Like marijuana…but that is another topic for another time. (could be one heck of an anti-depressant though couldn’t it??! ) As I stated in another post though one of the very BEST anti-depressants doesn’t cost a dime. And it is alllll natural. SEX. I won’t digress though for thats a topic I could speak on for far too long. (scroll back to the topic in my blog …) How about folks altering their state of mind instead of popping a pill??? Just say NO to drugs for mood enhancing and try the alternative of doing it naturally..Exercise is a mood lifter! It releases endorphins in the brain/reduces depression/promotes self-esteem. IF folks in our country exercised more we’d not be the leading country in OBESITY; and possibly not so hooked on anti-depressants. 2 issues solved with 1 solution=What a bargain! (anyone out there recall when that phrase was popular? lol!) Pharma companies revenue climbed more than $200 billion between 1995 and 2010. Thats alot of loot  folks..and they’re now spending 19 times more self-promoting than basic research. Now I don’t say all of this to say that there aren’t people out there with true depression issues..There are. Mental illness is a serious issue. BUT what I am saying is there are alot of people who do NOT have serious depression issues…that are on meds. Including children…In my opinion? All other natural options should be considered first. Its very easy to pop a pill. But it is VERY difficult to stop an addiction that can start with popping pills..And addictions can grow. Ask Rush Limbaugh. That IS…

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The NEW Norm? What is IT? ^DP CHALLENGE*PostADay*Berna’s Way..

**”People walk into the BookStore and say ‘Ah, the smell of BOOKS!’, I completely underestimated that element of print books”  Quote from Jamie Fiocco

>>Is the new NORM for society going to be to give IN to things that seem to be more convenient? Anything goes; as long as it is quick!, disposable and easily done in whatever location one might be? On the GO we all go and we have GOT to be able 2 do as much as possible while we’re on the move..Hmmmm lets see if I can present my viewpoint of this with logic and finesse. Topic? Print Books vs E-Books.  Can print and ebooks coexist? Will print books survive the growing popularity of the ebook? WHY  this an important topic or should BE.  Here is the way I see IT…

Yep, I’m old skool in many ways, still! N I make no apologies for it…OLDer isn’t always OLD just simply; BETTER. And I’ll explain why..Ya’ll ready for this?

*I can’t cuddle UP with an Ebook curled UP and fall soundly to sleep. After a day full of  peering into my monitor screen I do NOT want 2 have to do that anymore when finally! I can read whatever I “chose” 2 read(don’t ya’ll eyes get tired by the end of the day after monitor reading ALL day long???? If not, then just call me lazy..but I want to relax all parts of my body at days end..including my eyes!) There is a certain delicious pleasure I get when wandering around Barnes N Noble  for hours.(just did this a couple weekends ago and loved IT) I am one of the many who LOVE the smell and feeeeeel of books; even flipping the pages. (can ya’ll do that with an Ereader?) I dig having a bookshelf or library of old classic books; I’ve even thought about getting an OLD set of encyclopedias before they’re extinct..I like the fact that my BOOKS can’t be instantly poof! gone in the event of a power outage or etc..(can stilll read them in the sunshine/daylight) I can have many different books open at one time and flip back N forth between them(and I’ve done this..) I can pen/pencil/or highlight areas I want to in a BOOK. I can easily jump between sections in a print book. The tranquility of reading a book on a sunny day laying in a hammock in a pair of shorts N tank can’t be replaced by reading on an Ereader(ya’ll ereader lovers ever try that?) If I drop one of my books it won’t break or crack; and I can still read it without having to fix/replace it.  N last but not least I’ve got alot of CUTE personalized bookmarks I can’t use with an Ereader lol! 

**Check out this 2nd opinion I lucked up and found..and I can’t say I disagree with it>

“Call me paranoid, but it strikes me quite forcibly that in “1984” George Orwell went to some lengths to describe frankly quite implausible futuristic technology which made it possible to alter history by altering the records of history. People and events that were seen as politically undesirable could be erased from the records. This was what underpinned the tyranny of Big Brother. With cloud technology, and all our written records increasingly in digital format how long before Orwell’s future dystopia becomes the present for us? I’m keeping my print books! Of course the other development that made tyranny possible was a radical simplification of language to the extent that it became impossible to give expression to ideas of political dissent – of course that will never happen in reality..”

 

*Since the 4th Millennium BC  with the invention of writing printed word has been in existence..Can something that has survived that amount of time truly be a bad thing?!? Page sandwich/Poor man’s booster seat/bathroom t.v./newspapers’ father…call it by any name a BOOK is worth its weight in GOLD.  I’m personally pleased to see the parking lot packed when I frequent the public library..IF we don’t use them they’ll become extinct. There is something to be said about a quiet environment built just to study and learn. READING is truly fundamental..I first learned to read at the age of 3. Or so my Daddy says and I believe him..consequently I passed that love of reading onto my sons. (read to them from the womb and on..) Can an Ereader be passed down to following generations like a good book? Nope! Are we willing to sacrifice ALL of the old traditions we’ve got just for the sake of convenience? How many times recently have we heard or said! that the new norm has no boundaries or limits. WE have a choice and decision in what is proclaimed the new norm..and we can start by keeping some of the old school practices in place. Newspapers are quickly becoming extinct due to online reading…Libraries hours have been reduced due to people buying ebooks..Book prices are soaring to try to make up for the lost profit..(buy a college textbook lately? SKY high) I’ve heard plenty of good arguements to support ebooks over books…But none good enough to break off my love affair with printed books. Since I was a very little girl my Mom told me I could GO anywhere I wanted to by reading a book..N I’ve so enjoyed the many beautiful places books have taken me. Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)

 

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~Ephiphany? Aha! Moment or Full Circle Moment?*DPCHALLENGE*PostaDay

 ONE   last of these type of  inner-seeking/self-discovery type of posts N then? Onto what I’m ITCHING to write about..Politics! Took a break from it for a while, breather of sorts, but I always try 2 stay posted and as ALWAYS  I’ve got alot 2 say. So next UP will B musings on whats going  on with our guys in D.C..But for now I’ve got a question for ya’ll. Anyone out there ever feel like you’re always, always! the one in class(or any presentation scenario..) and YOU are the only 1 who raises their hand to ask a question?!? And then! after class or the presentation other people run UP to you and say thanks! for asking that because I had the sameeee question but didn’t ask..Why? Why? I am always, always the ONE to ask such questions..I sit there for a minute looking around , hoping, praying!, someone will ask. But they don’t. N then I just can’t help it I’ve got to know so UP goes my hand..Whether I’m nervous to stand UP in a crowd  or thinking  that folks will think it is a DUMB question I’m asking  or whatever, I’ve just got 2 know…

~There are times in ones’ life when all of a sudden bam! you instantly go from NO clarity to clarity..In my lifetime it has happened twice. As if a great big fog was suddenly lifted. Recently, this past summer, was the strongest such happening for me. I literally “felt” as if I was living@I once was blind, but now I see. Honestly, I can’t explain it any other way. I didn’t see a big light bulb in my minds’ eye. I didn’t see GOD in my sleep. But what I did experience was so life-altering and beautiful..and one day I’m going to try to express it properly by writing about it. Not sure if I am capable  of giving it the due justice it deserves ;yet. (but when I feel I am I’ll blog about it..) I’ll say this though : I went from BEing  a wanna-be full faithful  believer that was practicing Catholism by going to Mass TO a fully faithful  BEliever in GOD/thirsting N thirsting  to gain a closer relationship to GOD/fully immersed in involvement in my Catholic faith/church/choir. Bam! Not sure if everyone experiences such ephiphany moments; but I sure wish it was something I could bottle UP and give to everyone! It is that magnificent of an experience.

Aha! moments are a bit more common, right? These are what I truly call the “light bulb” moments…When you just know what you know because you know IT. And! you know it as it is happening..not after-the-fact. Or least this is how it has happened to me. One such moment was when I first met my exhusband. Yep! Don’t think I ever told him this(or I might have because I talk alot..) and since he reads my blog NOW he’ll know..But from the very first time I laid eyes on him I just knew he’d be my husband. Truth is he laid eyes on me first & I had NO clue he was watching me..but when I did see him I knew. And I was right. Pretty happy I had that aha! moment 🙂

Last but not least@full circle moments..I’ve only had ONE of these in this lifetime. And it has been such a beautiful yet sometimes overwhelming experience. Being an emotional person by nature I’ve had to stifle the butterflies in my tummy at times this past 16 months. Other times I’ve had to let the tears of joy just flow and flow..including during Mass .(which has been happening more to me than ever before as of late especially when I’m singing certain songs in Mass..Yep, the Holy Spirit has been moving through me alot) I think  a full circle moment to me means is that I had to come back 2 where I began to complete my life journey. Instead of being a step backwards(as I felt it was when I made the journey 16 months ago..) it has become something that has enriched my life. For the 1st time in my life I know I am right where I am supposed 2 B. In every possible way…N I have literally come full circle. And it just feels right, and just!, and good. 

As I started this off saying IF you find that in a room full of people you’re the ONLY one who will raise your hand to ask a question…It just means you’re NOT afraid to be different! And that even IF you are afraid on the inside(as I often times am ) you move forward/or ask that! question/or make a change for the better; thus over-riding your fears..Which takes courage and strength. I’ve been my own worst critic for the majority of my life; but what I’m trying to share with ya’ll is the hope that you’ll give yourselves credit for your great qualities(like courage/strength, etc) There will be many defining moments in our lives@ephiphany, aha!moments, full circle moments…as well as just precious moments in time. I treasure them all as I hope you do…I’ve learned to complain less & less in this lifetime. Why ? Because as we’re wasting breath complaining; there is someone somewhere taking their very last breath of life. Which would you prefer to be doing? Yep, me too! Be back tomorrow with my take on whats going on in D.C..till then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

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^NO sense in mincing WORDS 4 this is a heavy topic*DPCHALLENGE PostADay

**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.

**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..

**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?”  N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus,  his reply is NO.  I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one  of the biggest mistakes  WE as women do/or can make.  From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that   he is NOT  the one. RUN.

**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…

**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”

**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.

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>>>>Year IN Review @2012. A year we won’t soon 4get..>>>>DPCHALLENGE PostADay*


Figure I might as well end this year right by making my carbon mark of what I feel some of the most memorable highlights were from 2012. A year I don’t think any of us will soon forget. From top to bottom of what I rank in importance..Of course with my own personal touch for narration hope ya’ll see something here that pleases you to recall. Ready? Get set..here we GO

As the opening pic I’ve posted indicates my #1 pick for the single most memorable highlight from 2012 is President Barack Obama winning the 2012 Presidential Election. Making history for the 2nd time as a Black man in America..yep! I said it , Black. Some said it was an accident for him to be elected the first time..which I don’t agree with..it took a GREAT effort by millions of us Americans that voted him IN. 2nd time around? No one can utter the words accident. Or they can but no one is listening…Personally? I voted for President Barack Obama to do in this 4 years what he was consistently “blocked” from doing the 1st four years. Even having had so much opposition the list of achievements of this administration is beyond commendable and far too long 2 list now. (that is another topic for another time…) I was so excited about the upcoming election I wrote a tribute to Pres. Obama..(attached here also as a blog entry) N I sent it to the White House. Lol! confidence isn’t something I’m lacking in..Congrats 2 President Barack Obama and to my fellow Americans for choosing the best candidate , once again!, that we’ve had in a very long time…

Hands down this is one of the BEST things I did in 2012. I took my eldest son’s advice N read this book. WOW changed my life and elevated my health to a whole different level . N because to check it out 3 times at the library I was in a 2 week waiting list; obviously alot of other folks read it also. Didn’t U? Who wouldn’t read a book from a nutrition professional that loooooks like the one on the cover of this book?? Yep, that is her..and I’m sorry I’ll never B in line to buy Dr.Phil’s book on dieting, as IF, lol!..but I will to buy Kimberly Synder’s .  The info in her book works if you work it…Enough said.

On February 11, 2012 the world lost one of its BEST singers of all time…Beautiful and gifted from God with a voice like NO other; Whitney  Houston. Thank you Whitney for providing me with lyrics/music that perfectly expressed what I was feeling or going through timeNtime again with your songs. You left your mark forever on this earth in this lifetime N I know you’re finally out of your personal pain by heading home . Your job was complete..you’re missed none-the-less.

Obamacare was UPheld by the Supreme Court in November 2012. All I’ve got to say about that at this time(because I could go on N on N on if I list all that I feel..) is…THANK YOU GOD for making this happen. Period.

On August 2, 2012 at 16 yrs of age! Ms Gabrielle Douglas earned her 2nd Olympic Gold Medal and became the 1st(first) Black Olympic All Around Gold Medalist. I couldn’t be prouder of her as a Black woman N as an American. She was/is amazing to watch perform..spelllbound when I watch her. YOU GO BABYGIRL!

Lebron got his ring, finally! Miami Heat won 121-106 over Oklahoma City Thunder as 2012 NBA Champions..Sorry Lebron but I was pulling for the under dogs @Oklahoma. Seriously still think they ARE the better team as far as being team players…another topic for another time. And guess what? That is one gaudy UGLY ring I don’t care how much it is worth!

Serena N Venus Williams got to pair UP again 2 play in the 2012 Summer Olympics..even with all of Venus’s health issues/struggles. Not much can hold a determined, strong Sista down when she’s reaching for all of her goals/dreams. Really dig these young ladies work ethic & determination N from such a humble background..they serve as an inspiration to many that one can do ANYthing one sets their mind to DO..The Williams girls ROCK

Colorado did what we attempted to vote IN when I was still in California..they banned the prohibition on marijuana. N while I’ll never B one to blaze UP a pot joint; I feel it should B legalized nationwide. It has medicinal purposes and can help millions…And it is because of millions of “benjamins” being made by pharmaceutical companies, that is behind maryjane *NOT* being legalized on a nationwide basis. Just my opinion…(and yet another topic for another time) Big UPs to Colorado for cutting thru the Bull Shiiite green tape N getting the job done.

I hope these standing desks  become the norm here in our country…The British Medical Journal has been quoted@IF Americans could limit the amount of time they sit to  3 hours or less every day , they would add 2 years to their lives. Sum up: Sitting is killing US…far more of a threat than just a big, fat fanny from sitting. I’m glad my job involves alot of getting UP and moving around alot from 8-5 M-F. Whew!

In August 2012 Apple officially becomes the most valuable company EVER…Jeeeez thats alot of mooolah!

**Well, I decided to wrap this up because I could literally post a ton more memorable highlights..enough is enough. Last but not least though 2012, 2  months ago , became  the year I began my very 1st blog site. This one! And the experience thus far has exceeded any expectation I had. Thank you ALL for being a part of my beautiful  experience N life journey…Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)

Posted in Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

+WOMANing UP+

                                                                      

Can ya’ll believe I got a special request! WOW ..I’m not one 2 try to disappoint so I figured I’d go for it..Plus might B  kind of fun to write out what my actual expectations are. For the people that requested this I believe(I didn’t even ask..) probably by this time are curious (because I talk sooo much smack about this topic!) @ what type of brother I’d call a “potential” (mentioned that briefly in a prior post) N for the record I doubt highly if I’ll have this much freee time when I’m no longer single.Although who knows because I “make” time (at Odark thirty times like now..) in my very, busy schedule to do what I love 2 do..Write. Only place I don’t yet write is church. (and I’ll probably figure out a way soon to do that 2) So stay tuned folks(and btw its AWESOME to get the feeedback from ya’ll online and my offline family/friends/coworkers that my blog is enjoyable to read . even my ex reads this..blew my hair back! that is my way of saying I am humbled…) later after church I’m going to list (yep I’ve kept mental notes..) what I desire in a lifemate. The must haves. The wont do withouts. The wont settle for lesses. The DEALbreakers..The things I’m willing 2 work with..My entire list. Buckle UP this is going to be good..I can hardly wait 2 see this list myself. 🙂

I’m finally back! Wasn’t sure I was going to make it back 2night but here we go…First things First..Disclaimer: IF this post appears to be all about ME..it is because it IS. At this point of my life, for the 1st! time in my life, I’ve had the unique opportunity for the past 15 months to just do ME. Sons raised N in college(in other states than where I reside), single, divorced-yet-very-good-friends-with-exhusband who also resides cross country, happily/gainfully employed by a government entity, HAPPY! , busy, busy, busy, and very content to do me while I wait on the ONE to discover me. Once he finds me  then my ” just doing me” time will end. Far from desperate and trying to use every moment of precious time to live life to the fullest. There is life sans a man…N its so very good to me. YET its my belief that the missing link that will amp things UP and make life even sweeter is when my I becomes a We. Now that this is out of the way lets move on 🙂

As stated in a prior post I believe there are 3 categories guys fall into. Ever heard that old adage@many fish in the sea? It is so very true yet in my hearts of  hearts I believe there IS truly only ONE out there that God created just to love me N only me..I believe he’s looking for me! And I’m standing over here, at 5’4, waving my hand in the air so he can see me in the crowd. Here I stand and am I ever SO ready for you to walk into my life…yet staying busy in the interim and BEing patient. Or if truth be told I’m trying very hard to B..So anywayz as I was saying guys fall into 3 categories when meeting new folks. 1. Potential. defined simply as a potential lifemate..2. Just friends..right out the gate I can sense this..3. Toss them back into the pond & quickly! dont have an interest to even be friends because their qualities are severely lacking anything remotely near respectful..Now that ya’ll know the background on what I was referencing lets move on to my list. Ready? Get set. Lets go!

the Must haves=

  • must B a practicing Christian! My #1 N I won’t settle 4 less
  • must B a responsible  parent physically, emotionally N mentally(if a parent)
  • MUST have good communication skills! my #2 because I’m not a mind reader nor will I pretend 2 B.
  • is DONE fishing. simply said I’ve got NO love/patience 4 a player. exclamation point period.
  • emotionally available N if this needs 2 B explained then you aren’t..so therefore don’t qualify
  • kind . yep, this honestly matters 2 me
  • their “word” is like a handshake(N solid)  used 2 B backintheday..this truly matters 2 me also
  • HONEST..this is my #3 and goes hand in hand with their “word” being solid
  • Confident! I truly dig Alpha brothers so this comes naturally…
  • LOYAL..this is a close runner up to  my #2..another exclamation point period.
  • RESPECTS  his parents..this is a MUST..the adage@ if he respects his mother he’ll respect his woman  is true
  • TRUSTworthy ..this ranks somewhere between my #1 N #2
  • is cognizant of my feelings N mindful that I’m a naturally sensitive person
  • *HEALTH conscience* Life longevity is important 2 me. And feeeeeeling good from the inside out. While I don’t require someone that is a body builder I do desire someone who cares about their appearance including their health N what shape they’re in physically. Maintaining oneself physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally  is something I feel is important

the things I am willing 2 work with=

  • I pray he has an appreciation 4 music N can dance! however I’m willing 2 work with it if he doesn’t
  • practices chilvary..while I do love this it is something I can take or leave..long as he is goooood 2 me
  • can appreciate a woman who can amuse herself from time2time(my writing!) and he can have “whatever”time(whatever HE chooses 2 do also)
  • attentive N fully engaged when interacting…this matters 2 me and shouldve been in the must-haves!

the DEALbreakers=

  • can’t handle monogamy..I can’t/won’t deal with cheating. highest form of disrespect to me N our “we”
  • asks 2 borrow  money the 1st 90 days of dating..OMG this is so much a dealbreaker!
  • LIES to me or is deceitful. this is a runner UP of my #1. I’m an open book and my man will B also
  • tries 2 change ME and won’t accept ME/love ME/cherish ME as I am. another close runner UP of my #1
  • has substance abuse issues=Illegal drugs isn’t my style. N though I gave UP social drinking quite some time ago (years ago now..) N I’ve no problem with folks drinking socially; matter of fact I don’t know many folks who don’t drink socially (tho I ride on a natural high N have just as much FUN now as when I was a social drinker..)BUT there is a major difference between a social drinker and abusing alcohol. N if I have 2 explain the difference than you probably don’t qualify..
  • MARRIED..this is my #1 in the dealbreaker category. Within the 1st few mins of meeting a woman 1st time a brother SHOULD rightfully make sure it IS clear if he’s married…Nowadayz I guess the IN thing is to not wear a wedding ring.Pfft! I won’t get deep on this topic(thats another topic for another time…) Just please do NOT attempt to “hit” on me while married; for I won’t be held responsible for what will come from my lips..N nope! with that kind of beginning we can NOT be friends either..
Posted in Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

^ EYE see U..Do U? ^

NOT going 2 give any teasers , clues or hints with this 1..You’ll just have 2 wait 2 see what is on my mind ..Stay tuned because it only gets better from here.. *HOT TOPIC COMING SOON..It is O’dark thirty Saturday morn N I can’t resist the urge 2..write..

>>”**The most beautiful people we know are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an  understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deeeeep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen…** Quote from Elizabeth Kubler Ross>>

I ran across the above quote somewhere I was reading (I read everything & anything..) a few months back and found it SO deeeeep I had to keep it/save it/reflect on it..I’ll get back 2 it but for now lets move on. Deep alert though because I can feel it coming.

About a month or so ago I had the opportunity to hear an OUTstanding motivational speaker! Petite in stature N yet her words resonated in a HUGE way. As I sat there in an audience of my coworkers I kept loooooking around wondering IF her words/her message! was hitting H*O*M*E with any1 else as it was with ME..Ever wonder things like that??? Mayhaps that is just part of me being me, lol! Here I was sitting there, totally captivated by her words..and yet wondering am I the ONLY one getting this? Let me explain a little what her presentation was about and why..

Her presentation was simply about IMAGE. It was about our company desiring/commanding that it(including its employees) to BE exactly what the company is. In every possible way. The company I am OVERjoyed (have I said for the upteenth time I loveeeeeee my job?!?) to be a part of  wants to reflect a mark of excellence. The  company I work for wants its’ mission statement to resound loudly/smoothly via its employees dress/behavior 24 hrs a day/and of course in their job performance. Enough so they hired a motivational speaker to come speak to ALL of us. Wow..who wouldn’t want to work for a company that is willing to do that?! I’ve got my hand held UP high..but anywayz trying to STOP from digressing. So there I was one person sitting at the very, very back of the large room as this speaker was giving her oral & powerpoint show. And somewhere near the middle of her presentation it hit me. Ephipany! For all of my life but especially the past 15 months that IS what I’ve been doing..hoping that my words/actions reflect the love & light that I feeeeeel inside. For those that might not be following I’ve flipped the script to translate to SELF image.

Do others see YOU as you wish to be viewed by others? Are YOU actually the type of person you desire to BE? Do your words/actions reflect 2 others what YOU wish? Do YOU assume others see you as you wish; or have YOU asked them if you do? Hmmmmm let me dig a little deeper if I may..Do YOU care if others feel what the intent of your words are ? (N for the record I’ve always asked MYself all these same questions & nope I don’t answer myself LOL..thank you GOD for letting me have majority of my marbles still at almost, 50) Isn’t it important to reflect in words/actions/what we WEAR to the outside world? Before I go any further all of these questions are highly important to me. Totally in every , single way imaginable. Period.

For instance: IF you see someone dressed in firemans’ outfit; wouldn’t you expect them to come running if you yell out FIRE! On the flip side of that coin..if you see someone dressed in flip-flops, a bikini, and a beach ball ; wouldn’t you expect them to be heading to the beach? So, on a professional front should not our dress reflect a business savvy look? I mean is that NOT just something that need-not-even-be-expressed-to-folks-that-are-working-in-an-office-setting?!? And YET these dayz we must have very detailed dress codes. My question is WHY???? Because as I expressed at the very presentation I mentioned above EVERY single day I walk out of my home door I know I first represent my family..and not just MYself. Which means when YOU or anyone else views me physically I’m representing:my parents/my sons/my deceased grandparents/all of my deceased ancestors/all of my living relatives/MYself. That is how I look at myself every morning I wake up and depart to where ever I’m headed..Even if I go to the grocery store I’m NOT going out in furry, floppy house slippers and a shower cap. I mean , really?? I’ve seeeeen that. OMG. I bet their ancestors are doing flip-flops in their graves…Certainly folks weren’t taught this style of dress. Or were they? Know where I think it all goes back to? SELF ESTEEM. Which is why , in my hearts of hearts, I still think it is highly, and I mean highly!, important that children in their “primary years” are LOVED/taught&showed that they’re special/encouraged!/and  R stroked emotionally in positive ways. There is NO substitute for that…and it is something that will impact that child 4 ever 4 their entire life. For as much as I believe in a persons’ right to express themselves as they please(and I do believe in that…) there is a time N place for some of certain types of self-expression. Right? I might feeeeel like expressing myself by BEing in the most natural state. Naked. But can I go to work like that? I think not! Well not if I want to be employed…

Moving right along..What are WE reflecting in our words/actions/dress 2 our children? Hmmmm…for those that feel it is alright to self-express themselves dressed inappropriately! do they not realize their children are WATCHING & LEARNING from them? For any1 that has been a parent for a longggg arse time(and I qualify my eldest is 30 yrs of age…WOW) knows that children learn MORE from what we do; than from what we say. Just IS the way it ’tis..So , for instance. I’ll use me as an example. Don’t I qualify as a hypocrit if I tell my sons do NOT text and drive N yet they catch me doing IT? I stand guilty as charged..I’m queen of texts! I am physically having to break myself from the addiction of texting while driving. I used to have that bad..very. Caught myself several times with my head down when I was still in Cali..texting! That is not just UNcool it is not smart nor is it responsible! We can take that example and insert it into the space available________for a host of things I’m sure of it. But what we can DO is change the negative things. BEginning 2day…but first one has to first admit they can improve. I believeeeeee that is the case with any1  N anything. I have a host of simply outstanding loved ones and friends..and yet NONE of them are perfect. I for sure KNOW I am not perfect(and personally I think if I was I’d be boring but thats another topic for another time…)

Bottom line IS if it matters 2 YOU that you reflect to others what you perceive YOURself as..work on it! Daily. I can personally attest to the fact that it IS possible. I’ve come to the realization that I am not changing who I am(I don’t want to do that) but at almost 50 I am working ON  smoooooothing out the rough edges. I’m my own worst critic; always have been. My Daddy has told me that for years & years & years! Toooook all those years for me to realize he was right. Lolll lawd. Now that I’m no longer my own worst enemy (I’m now my own very, very BESTest friend..) I work diligently and consistently on moi.  I’m also open to positive criticism from my loved ones/extended family of friends..I’m sensitive! though and they know to give it to me with a spoooonful of sugar. All except for my Daddy. LOL . We all have those people we know are going to be straight-shooters in our lives. Don’t you? Well I do and its my beloved Daddy. When I want to know the down & dirty answer/black with NO sugar/on-the-rocks answer to something; my Daddy is my go-to person. Hands down..I loveeeee that I have that! And that it is someone who loves ME and would kill a rock over me. Yep, he has told me that since I was a very little girl…

I feel if we work on our self image in a positive manner IT can impact every aspect of our lives! Can impact our children. Who we attract as spouses/significant others. The type of job we can land by how we interview & conduct ourselves on the work front. Who we attract as friends…But most important(nope , I can’t leave this out) IF we call ourselves Christians..should we NOT try with-all-our-might to mirror the love & light of our creator???? At the beginning and end of each day that is honestly what I *now*  think about when I think of  who  I am/what I reflect/the words that come out of my mouth/my actions. Real talk…I’m going to leave ya’ll with that as my last expressed thought in this write. As always I hope/pray my “words” have had a positive impact on you in some small way. Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n ONLY)

 

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^

*Chivalry is NOT dead..But what the HECK happened 2 the COURTING process??*

What Happened to Us
What Happened to Us (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alright folks this  ONE  I can really sink my teeth into! And  at this phase of my life journey I can relate ..Not alot of topics I’ve written on here yet that I am going through as I write or speak on it..But this is IT. Lol!!  Saving this space for this weekend when I have time to give this topic the attention(& finger strokes it deserves..) So buckle UP cause I’ve got a feeeeeeling it is going to be a good one. Guaranteed…

I’ve got alot 2 say on this topic ..so timewise I might have 2 break N finish later on 2night so here I go…

Call me OLDskool (I really don’t mind..) but there are some things I just can’t wrap my brain around at how things have changed. Did I miss the memo on “dating” becoming passA? Or have I been in long term relationships so much in my life journey I wasn’t paying attention?!? Has the new form of courtship turned into “hanging out” “linking up” (wth?) “hook-ups(OMG @this term)” “jump-offs(yep, this is a real term folks..shaking my head” and I’m sure a ton of other so called hip terms I’ve not yet heard. NOR do I want to hear because I refuseee to buy into the hype. Not 2day or any day soon.  So, for those that have been “single and waiting to be discovered by the ONE(which is the category I fall into..) N in the 38-50 age range, how are you dealing with the “new” non-existent courtship reality? Are the days long gone when a guy actually even knows what courtship is? Or knows how it is to date a potential mate-for-life?? N for the record that is the ONLY type of dating I’m interested in. I don’t have time(I am on the brink of 50 folks..) to kiss or date any frogs(a/k/a OLD players or wanna-be-players..sorry but that is SO played out! and quite frankly was never in style in my opinion) N liberated or not..and I hold hand UP high as a liberated woman..is it toooo much to expect a guy to call ME to ask me out on a date?!? I’m not one to call a guy. It just isn’t me…unless I already know him well. In my heart of hearts I feeeeeel if a guy is “interested” he’ll make the phonecalls. And I will answer. Isn’t that the natural order of things? I’m used to being PURSUED. I thought part of the natural process was for a man to do the PURSUING. Isn’t part of the thrill for a guy(correct me if I’m wrong guys..) chasing and trying to attain a worthy potential as your MATE? Lawd! Has the entire book of dating been re-written since I’ve last been…single? ~2 Be Continued~(I’ve got alot more to say…) P.S. When I get back I’m going to ..(a) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why the state of dating/marriage is in such a CRAPPY state without it..(b) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why bringing back OLDskool wayz is the best solution to solve quickie unsuited marriages N quickie divorces. Buckle UP folks I’m just getting started! B back soon asap so stay tuned…<

4 those that are single/divorced/fresh out of a relationship/or nearing the end of a couple years hiatus from relationships(holding my hand UP on the latter..) N in the age group 38 yrs old to 50 yrs old are YOU happy with  or fulfilled with the current hooook UP/hanging OUT/jump off/linking UP type of culture ? For my “liberated” women sisters out there is the >I’m an INdependent woman!/fun/exciting/liberating mode working out for you as  satisfying/resulting in LONGterm relationships and/or marriage/happiness? Or are you STILL single? Or single again? Hmmmmm…lets let that sink in for a minute. Now mind you this case I’m building on is for those who think the following: 1. that being married is the ultimate love relationship 2. that being married is better than being single 3. that being married is the BEST situation for couples to raise children 4. that marriage provides deeeeep friendship with spouse/personal growth/LASTING intimacy with spouse. If you’re still with me after allll that lets move forward.

I’ll try to explain why I feel courtship is the best process in which to pick the best LIFE mate(at any age!) N for the record I don’t believe soul mates have to be a spouse. Personally I can attest to the fact that in this lifetime I’ve met 2 soulmates. Only married 1 of them…but a lifemate in my opinion..is what I’m seeking in a husband. (I’ll explain that term later if time permits) Courtship to me IS: a process in which the things a couple does are gearing towards finding(which means pursuit guys..) , winning , the right one..and then marriage. The couple is exclusive(yep!) and exerting a high sense of attentiveness and DEPENDability, and care towards the “potential” (I’ll explain another time what I feel a “potential” IS.. I know alot of women, me included, who from the very 1st meeting of a guy determine him immediately(or least I do…) as (a) Just a friend (b) Don’t even want to be his friend! ..total frog! N bad habits/lifestyle toooo bad to even want to be in his company, yuck (c) close to a potential mate but missing a couple essential qualities (d) potential lifemate. So anywayz a decent length of  courtship(dating) allows the couple to actually get to KNOW each other prior to marriage. One might ask what IS a decent time frame for this? Depends..I don’t put specific number of months on this as Steve Harvey does. In my world the BEST things are worth waiting for. So don’t ask me about how long it will be before the you-know-what part. As a couple once ya’ll know each other well ya’ll can figure that out on your own! After all we’re talking about grown folks…

Moving right along…what has happened since courtship is no longer the norm? Anyone know the current statistics on divorce??? Anyone out there know the amount of people who now do NOT even consider marriage N instead just shack UP? (thus leaving children with parents who more than likely won’t stay together..the odds are against it) How about the statistics on folks who sleep together soooo quickly they don’t even truly know who they’re dealing with. I mean , for real,  since our bodies are supposed to be a TEMPLE why would we(women or men) share of something so intimate (the highest of highs!) with someone we don’t know?!? Is it mayhaps folks have lost sight of what the true meaning of intimacy IS? And in my  humble opinion intimacy is a far cry different from sex….We are all grown here, right? Alright, so courtship lets a woman truly know that a man is (a) seriously interested in just HER (b) is willing to take the TIME to prove his intent (c) and is willing to use his CREATIVITY to plan enjoyable activities/outings(could be as simple as a walk on the beach…) to gain her affections and her love. In regards to what courtships lets a man know(I’ve got to guess here cause I’m not a man)  (a) that the woman is seriously interested in only HIM (b) that a woman has the qualities that she said she had on the 1st date!(oh, I meant to add that for women as well) (c) is the type of woman he would be proud to take home to meet his parents(THAT is key in my opinion..)

It is my personal opinon that no matter how much womans’ lib has changed the game the roles of men/women should rightfully stay somewhat close to the roles in which we were created. Period. I think it is because of womens lib that things got so screwed UP in the first place. I can’t speak for any other woman except myself but I only desire a man that is a leader! Has to have a back bone/be strong/be confident!/and is the rightful head of the household. Even the way our physcial & biological makeup is designed points to men being the head…Does this mean that a woman has NO voice or opinion? Absolutely not. Because the  day will NEVER come that I have no opinion. Not in this lifetime nor the next…However I feel there is a happy/loving medium. And it works when both parties desire the same thing and work to make it work. I’ve seeeeen it work for 50 yrs now in my parents marriage(btw they still hold hands N dance 2gether! love IT) …which leads me to another point . How can folks that have NOT seen a long term marriage work truly know what to strive for or expect??? Hmmmmm. Can they? Which is why the cycle of this madness must stop somewhere. In order to get back to the natural order of things. Its gotten SO out of hand…for those of us nearing 50 we’ve seeeeen it and probably lived it! And hopefully learned from it…What I’ve learned is its my inherent desire to take things back to the way they were backintheday. N one of my prayers IS that the man who was created to love ONLY me feels the very same way. And another prayer is that he is somewhere out there-looking for ME-& reading this.  If ya’ll have anything 2 add to this discussion feel free to do so. I’d love to read it and I’ll respond. We can all learn from each others’ experiences…Until then stay blessed N UPlifted. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

@Writing IS..therapeutic 4 me as well@

Words
Words (Photo credit: sirwiseowl)

Ya’ll ever wonder what drives a writer to…write?  I can only speak for this aspiring life long writer. But first let me quote a couple people who are infamous for their thoughts on this topic. ” Writing is …a struggle against silence” Quote by Carlos Fuentes. ” And Oprah has a quote , that I can’t find the exact words to right now, but it goes something like this..’Be careful what words are uttered from your mouth or what you WRITE. For the 1st person to hear/see what you say/write is YOU; so don’t limit your ceiling by uttering/thinking  anything but positive things..” I tend to heed or try to learn from people that I admire/respect N Oprah certainly falls into that category for me. I wrote something yesterday that moved me to write this piece..What did I write? I wrote these very words while I was writing something very deeeeeep to someone I care deeply for. “Thank you for reading my vent; for when I write to you(or to anyone ) I’m speaking to myself  probably just as much as I’m talking to you” WOW ..Not sure about other writers but often more than not I’m shocked sometimes by  my OWN flow of thought as I let it flow from the pen or my finger-strokes. I honestly had never realized those very words until I’d..typed them. Mayhaps its because I type so very fast. (about 98 wpm) Mayhaps its because I’ve been writing SO long(since I was a young child) that I’ve forgotten the actual reasons that I..write. It is such a part of who I am and that I just do it; that I’d not stopped to think about the whys. It is simply something I love to do. Even more than talking! N those who know and love me know I loveeeeeeee 2 talk. Ever these dayz on a quest of fully knowing “self” I’ve pondered the above statement since making it. I realize  now that writing is  very N totally therapeutic for me. Especially as I write on topics that I’m pulling from my personal lifelong experiences…Often as I do that trying to encourage someone else or motivate them by sharing; I actually relive N feeeeeeel the emotions/feelings of the experience I’m explaining! Quite often I feel emotionally..spent after writing on those topics. I can’t explain it any other way. And yet more-often-than-not after I’ve written something that I know I’ve said “well” the feeling after writing it is close to ..euphoric. A type of  euphoria I’ve not yet in 49 yrs experienced the same type of  wonderful feeling from(different levels of joy I’ve experienced but not the same..) Thus is one of the main reasons I write. 2 -repeat-that-same-feeling-and-to-always-strive-to-reach-higher-N-higher-levels-of -that-euphoric-feeeeeeling. It feels that GOOD to me.  And as I’ve said before, but I’ll say it one more time, the need within me to touch others in a positive way from my written word is something I can not fight or resist. Took me many moons to come to the realization that my God given purpose was/is to “attempt” to “touch others in a positive ways via spoken N written words…by sharing my personal life experiences. I’ve come to believe N feel it is the primary reason I’m still standing. Intact physically  and with the majority of my marbles still up there. There is an inner child inside of all of us. And that inner child, the very core of who we are, remains consistent even though we evolve and mature. Or least this is my belief. My inner child needs to be stroked , alot! Needs to be told they’re appreciated. Needs to feeeeel loved. Needs to know what she does  is productive and useful. Needs to know she’ll never be alone or abandoned. She is me. N I am her..I am she. I’ve recently become her very, very best friend. I now try to “fulfill” her “needs” myself. Which is what I’ve come to believeeeee is  the way its supposed to be. It is called Self  Love..loving one self from the inside out. Makes one glow! I am finally there..and in doing so a person, in this case me, doesn’t look to others to fulfill those needs. Anything else gained from others in fulfilling those needs is..extra. A bonus! What I wish for other young girls/teen/women reading this is that you possibly learn from my “words” 2 do the same…for you. Why? Because it will mean that you won’t constantly reach out to others, and sometimes others that aren’t good for you, to fulfill those needs. Think about that for a minute for that is a heavy statement. Always when I write and share what I’ve written , AFTER I’ve written I wonder how it will be received. And yet once I release it from my possession. Once I push submit online I feel a sense of ..release. I hope these “words” of mine have touched you reading it in a positive way. I hope you can feel the sincerity in what I’m trying to express…Stay UPlifted N stay blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)

 

Posted in @Cultural, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^

“`Why I am BLACK..Not African-American“`

English: African American History
English: African American History (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Disclaimer: Please read what I’m saying before assuming what I’m saying. I’m not saying I am not in love with my African roots nor am I saying I don’t love that I was born American. I love that both of those things are FACTUAL. Understand also that we all have opinions N are entitled to them. When we don’t agree its perfectly fine to agree 2 disagree. I wrote what I’m going to share in   response  to a very well written piece(from a blogger on this site)  on this very topic. It is a controversial topic yet not one that I fear opening for dialogue. So feel free to read with an open mind & ears N lets rap..

*Whats in a name? Some might ask that question but I don’t. Lets see if I can properly express how I feel about being “labeled” either Black or African-American.
What is IT with our country having to label folks anyway?!? Shouldn’t it be a personal choice? Why can’t we put OTHER as I’ve seen “others” allowed to do? Others that don’t exactly fit to a T the multiple choice slots on all the forms WE have to fill out in this lifetime…What about the situations folks that are White yet from Africa fall into? Are THEY African-American when they become American citizens? I actually meant a guy that fit that case scenario; he was a coworker . Awesome guy and we had conversation after conversation over this exact subject matter. Interesting to say the least!

Personally? I identify with my BLACKness before any other title/label I hold. When my feet hit the floor in the morning & I look in the mirror the 1st thing I see N know I am is BLACK. N I loveeeeee that I was created in the image of Jesus.(another topic for another time..) There is nothing else I’d rather have been created as..God makes NO mistakes. But I digress..

Some in the generations behind me feel that its oldskool to want to be labeled as Black. I figure we’re all entitled to our opinion..and I’m open to dialogue with anyone who can properly argue their points. But at the beginning and end of the day aren’t we all still..Black? A point those in favor of the African – American label make is that to NOT use the term is to deny our tie to the motherland. Africa…Hmmmm. Really??? I’d like to take a poll to see how many Blacks a/k/a African-Americans truly know a thing about their roots! Where they hail from in Africa? Where there ancestors first landed in America? How they acquired their birth surname…was it acquired from their slave master? Should the name @ African-American be carried by folks who have NO clue where they come from? Must I be labeled with the term African-American to be a PROUD Black Sista? I think NOT. And who is the infamous “they” that gets to determine how I’m going to be labeled anyway? Shouldn’t I have a VOTE in what I’m going to be labeled? In my life journey I’ve gone from Negro to Afro-American to BLACK to African-American..heck its surprising I’m NOT confused my own dang self about my..identity! And yet we sit back N wonder why generations behind us are out of touch with who they ARE.

I am BLACK. I am American. Period. Exclamation point. When 1st I wake I’m a BLACK woman/daughter/sister/mother..in that order. Every single day of my 49 yr old life. That is who I am. Regardless of who feels they have the right to “label” me it won’t change who I am. And I sincerely hope that is how more folks , BLACK folks, begin to look at it. And NOT let such topics further divide US…I love people. All people from all walks of life and ethnic backgrounds. I just happen to be part of a bloodline of the very 1st line of people on Earth. How could one not be extremely proud about that?**

>In summation when WE(or anyone actually..) let “others” define who WE are & then re-define(or place a title on..) over N over N over again ..it is NO small wonder some  in my generation and many in those behind my generation..have lost sight of WHO they are. Or least that is the way I see it.<

Wishing all that read this love, joy and peace. Stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

Posted in @Cultural, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued

MELT DOWN @Black Nuclear Family?

We all know its happened. A slew of root causes can be listed. Bottom line is its beyond time to actively work to repair it..Is it too late to repair? Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Why  is it or should it be an important topic? Have I or you had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and Black Male/Female Relationships? These questions N more on my mind regarding this topic..

*First let me open this up by answering my own questions. 1.Is it too late to repair? Nope, sure isn’t too late. In this lifetime we’re afforded 2nd chances, and sometimes 3rd ones to get ‘ish right! And though time may seem to be moving faster N running out..its never, ever to late to work on anything. Period. 2. Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Yep, my hand is UP and I’m ready to discuss it..3. Why is it or should it be an important topic? It IS an important topic. And it is because the future of Blacks in America is at stake. And its serious..As a mother of 3 Black Beautiful Brothers it matters almost more than life itself to me. For their futures and the futures of ALL the Black youth in  America its time to work towards solutions. As well as offer those solutions to OUR youth to arm them for their futures. We owe them that…4. Have I had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and/or Black love relationship? Ugh. this is the toughest of all questions. Which is why I left it for last…In all honesty I guess I have played a part in the breakdown..Not something I’m proud about. I failed at marriage..child of parents now married for 50 years..and yet I’ve not yet been able to maintain one. However, to my credit I did/have/and will always maintain an excellent co-parenting partnership with my exhusband and to our credit we’re also very good friends. Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how dearly we want them to..I think in spite of our divorce learning to focus on co-parenting instead of  our divorce “issues” led us to a really good place as friends. Lifetime friends. And because of working through the “ish I can’t say that I’ve added to the breakdown of  Black love relationships. I still and always will believe in Black Love..there is no other love for me that will suffice. Exclamation point. Period. ~To B Continued..