Lest we get so caught UP in our own day to day lives(and I’m guilty of that…) that we forget things going on in OUR world/country; are just as important..I had a surreal conversation with my youngest son today that made me pause for a minute to wonder out loud@Is this really 2014???? My son commented on the latest NON verdict regarding Eric Garner..He said WOW there are some police out there who really hate Black folks!! I found myself, again, telling him the what-to-do’s on IF ever stopped by the police for random traffic stops..NO sudden movements..Don’t get out of the car unless asked to do so..Don’t get angry, just listen & be patient..WtH & OMG is this 2014 or the 1940’s??? And while I know I’m not the only Black parent to feel this way; it sure IS a heavy feeling..Heart-wrenching to say the least..I’m asking everyone who reads this who has a wordpress blog site, facebook page, or who twitters to spread the word for our ‘new cause’ @BlackLivesMatter..Doesn’t it seem like we’ve had to say this alot more lately? Because we HAVE…Police brutality against Black folks(and with no punishment/penalty), no MEN, is on the rise..IF we all stand together certainly our voices will be heard! I’m posting a couple letters from NAACP(yep folks they’re still alive , well , and working for US) and another organization I’m a member of ASALH(Association for the study of African American Life & History..) that have further motivated me to speak OUT & stand UP for the cause @ Black lives matter & police brutality must end..I can only hope/pray it helps to motivate y’all as well..Peace & light always , the One & Only Berna
This is an excellent write & a piece very worthy of a re-blog.. My eldest son forwarded this piece with the simple message@ WE must change the narrative! Enjoy/Learn/Share the facts & not the dismal media & widespread societal myths, 4ever sincere Berna>> (Credit to Youtube for pictures & video clip)
Last week Long Island teenager Kwasi Enin captured national headlines after becoming part of an impressive club: high school seniors who have been accepted into all eight Ivy League schools. However, while many celebrated Enin’s achievement, a bitter minority griped that the teenager had somehow gamed the system. The racial subtext was obvious: Enin couldn’t have actually have gotten into all those schools by himself. Why? Well, because he’s black..
This type of harmful and wholly inaccurate narrative has been constructed around African-American male student achievement for years. Enin is just the latest high-profile example of how it hurts all young men, high school high achievers or not, by implying that the majority of African-American boys are hopelessly behind and may never be able to narrow the achievement gap.
There are, of course, legitimate issues that African-American male students face due to a confluence of factors. But even data that show the more dire aspects of black male achievement do not exist in a vacuum, with researchers misrepresenting or not calculating for the experiences of African-American male students.
The good news is that bright spots like Enin may help raise the profile of America’s African-American young men. However, there is a lot of work to be done, beginning with rethinking the way we use these seven common “facts.”
1. There are more African-American males in prison than college.
African-American men are grossly overrepresented in the penal system; however, there are more African-American males in college than in prison, as of 2011. Howard University professor Ivory A. Toldson found in his research that there are about 600,000 more African-American males enrolled in higher education than are in jail.
This myth has been used by education experts, the media and even the president, despite the fact that over the last decade, African-American boys have largely avoided the “school-to-prison” pipeline.
2. African-American males believe academic achievement means they are “acting white.”
African-American males are not anti-intellectual. In fact, researchers have shown that African-American boys show more positive feelings toward school than do their white counterparts. University of North Carolina professor Roslyn Arlin Mickelson found, “Many black youth and adults express a high regard for education” and that there are a multitude of factors that shape black students’ educational attitudes.
3. Less than 50% of African-American males graduate from high school.
The high school dropout rate for African-American males has actually hit a historic low. According to a 2013 Education Week study, about 62% of African-Americans completed high school in 2010 (the most recent year for which the necessary data was available), compared to 80% of white students. The increase represents a 30% narrowing of the gap between black and white high school students.
Indeed, African-American males are graduating at historic levels. According to the Schott Foundation for Public Education, “In 2009-10 the national graduation rate for black male students was 52%. The graduation rate for white, non-Latino males was 78%. This is the first year that more than half of the nation’s black males in 9th grade graduated with regular diplomas four years later.” At the same time, overall high school dropout rates have fallen steadily since 1990, and there is no indication that the rates won’t continue to fall, given the trend over the past two decades.
4. African-American males don’t go to college.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, from 1976 to 2010, “the percentage of black students [enrolled in college] rose from 9% to 14%. During the same period, the percentage of white students fell from 83% to 61%.”
The Congressional Black Caucus report “Challenge the Status Quo,” meanwhile, found that there are 12.5 million African-American adult males living in America,who make up 5.5% of the total population, and 5.5% of the students on college campuses across America are black male students. The percentage of black male students enrolled in college is proportional to the 5.5% of African-American men college-age or above living in the U.S. today.
5. African-American student-athletes graduate at higher rates than their non-athlete black peers.
Often college coaches boast about how teamwork and sportsmanship translate to academic success. However, according to a University of Pennsylvania report on black male student-athletes in NCAA Division I college sports, 50.2% of African-American male student-athletes graduate within six years, compared to 55.5% of black undergraduate students overall. And the disparity is even larger if black male student-athletes are compared to other student athletes: 66.9% of overall student-athletes graduate within the same six-year period, representing an 11.4% gap between black student-athletes and their teammates.
6. African-American male students have the same opportunities as their peers.
This is an important one, part of the narrative that allows casual racism like the kind experienced by Kwasi Enin. In fact, a recent U.S. Education Department’s 2011-2012 Civil Rights Data Collection survey noted that the American school system treats African-American boys unfairly. African-American male students receive a disproportionate number of suspensions, detentions and call-outs, and have a much higher rate of being expelled from school. In addition, schools attended by African-American males have less access to experienced teachers and advanced placement classes, according to the survey.
At the same time, the Casey Foundation recently found that African-American students face the highest barriers to opportunities. The foundation’s researchers measured success toward 12 benchmarks, including literacy proficiency, rates of employment, income and several other factors. The report concluded that African-Americans. when compared to other racial groups using these benchmarks, fare the worst due to disparities they face from birth.
7. African-American male students are underachievers.
Coded language and misused statistics have constructed this idea that African-American male students are underachievers. But ignoring the fact that some of America’s brightest minds are African-Americans, recent research shows that a lack of critical feedback and demonstrated high expectations is stifling black confidence in the classroom.
In three double-blind randomized field experiments, researchers at the University of Texas found that African-American students improved their grades after having the assignment expectation reinforced by their teachers. These results point out that a cycle of mistrust and lower expectations is a likely culprit in cases of African-American underperformance.
I simply could NOT pass up re-blogging this write..This young man gets IT
From BOY to MAN
Living under the roof of a two parent house hold, you learn the value of love. Life as a boy for me was mostly all about learning how to become a man. It’s nothing like having a father figure to help you understand how to walk, talk, treat a lady and firmly shake hands as well as look another man in his eye as respect. Understanding at a young age how to honor God and follow his commandments on top of respecting morals brings an abundance of wisdom and discernment to escape peer pressure and scope out trouble from miles away. Having morals and following his commandments proactively helped me as a boy think with my brain and not with my man hood. If I would have thought with my man hood it could have created issues that could have followed me when I became a…
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Smile, Smile!, SMILE, and smile some more…Did y’all know that simply SMILING can make ONE feel better? Not just the people who see you smile; but also can make YOU feel better. Instantly…a smile , and WE, have that power to touch many; including ourselves! Wow, WOW, and yep, wow one ‘mo time.
Once had an Uncle who shared something with me that I didn’t, until, recent years truly appreciate. What did he say? He said at his workplace no one knew when he was feeling down & out…At the time he was truly going through it! too..Had a wife who “he’d” recently discovered was medicated for bi-polar condition. WHICH she’d not confided in him prior to marriage. Can you imagine?? Anyways, she at the time had STOPPED taking her meds. Just BAM; decided she no longer liked how the medication made her feeeeel. The consequences? She was having and acting out with violence. And they had 2 children! Now IF there was ever a time to go to work wearing a frown? That was IT! Yet my Uncle said he never did..Ever. As a supervisor of many at the time; he felt frowns could spread just as smiles do. And all these years later? I believe , in my heart of hearts, that is so true. >>
To top that story my exMominlaw(who I love dearly..) once told me that a smile can touch people almost as much as physically touching them with warmth. She said & felt! that smiles could heal a hurt or broken person. One day she took me on a ride down skid row in L.A..Basically so I could “see” how much I had & not to complain about anything. A valuable lesson! (by the way this didn’t truly impact me till years later..) When we left, after stopping in the car to talk to about a cazillion people there, she turned and asked me. “See how faces lit UP when I smiled at them? Faces of people whose homes were a cardboard box..But for a brief moment they smiled!!” WOW, wow!, and wowwwww Yes, I saw that happen with my very own eyes. Seeing really is believing sometimes..>>
Personally, at this phase of my life I’ve got a “glow” within that REFUSES to not flow outwards…Most days? I smile so much , and laugh/laughlaugh!, till my cheeks hurt at the end of the day. I kid you not. A coworker said that to me recently. Lol, lolll She said does your face ever hurt from how much you laugh during the day??? I said “You know what???” It does! But it hurts soooooo goooood. So on this day I woke UP wanting to share this message with y’all. Wouldn’t it make YOU feel wonderful to know you could impact someone TODAY in a positive way? Doesn’t cost a dime either. I’m of the belief that some of the best things in life are still FREE. So remember to smile, SMILE, and then smile one ‘mo time. Headed to get my praise ON. I hope each person who reads this has a beautiful day chocked full of SMILES, laughter and LOVE. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted and blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)
FOOTNOTE= This will mark the 1st time ever I’ve added to a post once I first penned it. But this is something I can’t resist sharing with y’all. Imagine sitting in Mass(church) 2 hours AFTER penning this piece; and hearing the EXACT same message almost verbatim as part of the Homily(sermon)? When the word SMILE was used the first time in context JUST as I’d used it this morning; I almost literally fell out of my seat. What are the ODDS that the sermon would use the same message about smiling? And IN the same context?!? Some out there reading this might consider it just coincidence…But for the ‘Believers’ out there reading this? When you Believe IN something you can’t see, feel or touch; coincidence isn’t in ones’ vocabulary much at all. What I KNOW for a fact without a shred of doubt? Every facet , and I mean every, of my Life at this phase is being drenched by the Holy Spirit. It scared me today for the 1st time! So much so I had to consult in private with one of my Spiritual advisors to admit that..I think that makes me human.
***Life is full of Poetic Verse***I am fine. I will B fine. I am living my life out LOUD..in Color. Yesterday, I had one of those days & experienced but a mere “moment” in a space of a long, long! beautiful life..I’m just about 1/2 a century NEW. My life, inofitself has been what all of our lives are..yet some of us fail to realize..it IS a miracle , indeed! what we live through, climb over, run around, and Leap OVER while experiencing this thing called Life. Filled with moments bittersweet but also overflowing with so, so , so many moments of utter JOY..that it can set us on a momentum that forward propels us hurdling(for lack of a better word) with baited breath & excitement! into each brand new day. I move , alot, in a very brisk , electric filled pace; trying with all my might to squeeze the UTmost out of each moment , each experience, each! day..But sometimes I also STOP to literally smell the roses; for none of us know(honestly) when we or IF we’ll re-experience any of what we embark on daily. When I decided to blog & share my real-true-life “happenings” out in front of the world; I promised myself I’d do it with an open nature so that I might leave my journey behind to mark a life journey. My life journey..for my 3 beautiful Black princes , for my grandchildren whenever they come to B, for anyone out there who just might gain something positive from what I’ve lived. What is this life really ABOUT if we don’t in the process of living..touch many? It is my sincere desire to let ALL of the love in my heart overflow , always, releasing what I call Liquid Love..Words can touch many. Words are powerful. Words can heal. Words can help one get through ‘Ish..And 2nd to actions; words can express Love in remarkable ways. I’ve been humbled beyond the realm I thought possible; by my WordPress experience..its given me confirmation of what, I think, I already knew. People represent Love..and when they reach out 2 others, from across countries no less, it brings to my full realization why I’m such a people-loving social butterfly. For the many that reached out to me last night? YOU wow’ed me/Blew my hair back/Rode through “it” with me/Showed a stranger love, love , love..Those that have known me a lifetime know I’m a fighter..Never hit a person with my hands out of anger, yet!, I’ve fought my entire Life to get TO my God given potential..Its when things have “seemed” the darkest to me; that have motivated me to “see” light..Like in a dark room & one strains their eyes to make out the shadows in the darkness while slowly proceeding forward(because stubbing a toe! hurts like heck) I say all of this to say@ I am fine. I will B fine always; even when I think I’m not! Like my yesterday..I am living my Life out LOUD..in Color. I am rich when it comes to Love in my Life..I am Blessed. God hears my Prayers & HE hears YOUR prayers. This is a brand new day & WE woke up this morning..And that inofitself is a Blessing and cause to celebrate. I’ll be back tonight on my usual word grind & my kool-aid smile! Until then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)
Last night I faced a dilemma..I was feeling something totally new/didn’t know how to move through IT gracefully/wasn’t sure if I liked the way it felt..So I made a conscious decision. Want to know what it WAS? Stay tuned because might just be something U can use from time to time. Because guess what? IT worked wonders for me! Here I go…So what” had” happened last night WAS>
So last night here I was feeling, and feeling! antsy, pent UP, and just couldn’t quite put my finger on why I was feeling that way. Here I was.. my first week of being in my new place, and I was still excited from that(I love my place, just love it) and yet I wasn’t feeling quite …right. I’ve become so used to being on a constant natural HIGH; that I didn’t know how to get a grip on it. I thought about calling a friend to vent & dump HOW I was feeling on them. And yet…>
…how was I going to express that I didn’t know what the heck was disturbing my groove? And I didn’t feel quite right dumping on anyone that I care about anyway! Ever had a friend call you & just dump all their stuff on you; and you were in a good mood prior? Then all of a sudden what happens? Now you’re in a funky mood too! I often find myself taking on another’s problems ..as IF I can possibly help them solve their issue-at-hand. As IF I could possibly say a sugary soft word or phrase to make things better for them..And as my mind was going over this scenario; should I call someone to just vent & whine about..about ..about what??? And then my mind began to go down the long list of friends I could call, another decision!, who was I going to call to do this great honor? of dumping my don’t-know-whats-bugging-me-but-something-IS type of mood. Right smack in the middle of all this thinking & thinking & overthinking it hit me. I suddenly knew what was wrong. I was alone. Very much alone. Not feeling lonely; just feeling ALONE. I stopped mid-thought(another thought..) and let that realization flow down over my BEing. What do I do with this ..feeling? I decided to do a very grown UP thing..I decided to ride it out & roll with the feeling of being; ALONE>
Reflective thought phrases were running rampant in my mind..I am totally ALONE..It had been a long time since I’d not been around either my parents, my sons, my exhusband, my exboyfriend,my friends, my coworkers..ALONE. I’d been waiting for this moment for a minute now; should I not be doing cart wheels? And why am I sitting here fully clothed? OMG I can run around butt-naked if I please. Had I forgotten how to do even that? Where is my Black Book I can call someone up..wow, I don’t even have a Black Book anymore. WtH? All at once I wanted to do sooo many things all at once..I ran to the closet to get my hula-hoop; I swung that around for a minute to the beat of the music.(I always have music somewhere in my background…) Oh, enough of that I ran to grab my free weights; played around with them for about 20 mins. Alright now what? Maybe I’d walk to the gym; but its TOO dark outside. Hmmm unpacked a little bit, tossed a load of clothes in the wash, put dishes away, danced!…now what? Stopped to see if the feeling of something-isn’t-perfect-in-my-world was gone. Nope, still there slightly…I was fighting off the urge to call and dump on a friend, still. Maybe I should write this out to ride this feeling out…BUT I didn’t feel like blogging . Wow, that was the first time that had happened in my brief blogging life. I felt like jumping on a trampoline, dancing!, swimming 10 laps, running a couple miles; ALL this pent UP energy. I need to release..>
I was glad I fought through the urge to call a friend or loved one with THIS…Even for someone like me, a people-loving social butterfly who LOVES to talk, there are times when words can’t be expressed …Sometimes one has to fill-in-the-blanks with quietness & stillness & yep, ALONEness. I’m far too loved to ever feel lonely; this I know and feel in my heart of hearts. And being loved is a wonderfully wonderful fabulous feeling. It IS irreplaceable and precious. Last night I learned how to ride through a feeling that didn’t quite feel good at first; and yet after I rode fought! through it I felt good just because I had! I hadn’t used the safety net of a loved one to drown out a natural normal feeling. What I feel I learned last night is that sometimes even a bad feeling ..can result in something good. Hows that y’all might ask? Because I think more than likely folks that can’t stand to be alone; rush into relationships just so they won’t be alone. But…who wants to be a part of someone’s life that doesn’t like themselves enough to spend time alone? If one doesn’t like/love themselves; how can one expect anyone else to? Yea, I had some deep thoughts last night & many days. I’m still, even at almost 50 yrs of age, learning myself and what it takes to keep me satisfied/content/HAPPY majority of the time. I’m learning that is a lifelong & most necessary process…That is one of the most beautiful things about this life. Well, thats all for now folks. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)
From my front row seat the view is fabulously splendid
Huefully rose-colored in more than one way
Once a wallflower yet now having my say
Skillfully I dance upon this tight rope called Life
Hanging ON when the clouds bring with them strife
Withstanding dark days with less & less protest
Gracefully aging and feeling the most; my best..
From then to here to say the least has been..long
My spirit and voice now sing a SOULful song
No longer do I feel a need to belong
For I am free to be uniquely ME
At one with myself to just..Be
Knees buckle but still I stand back UP
Not half as easy as I make this look
Chaos in the world can’t shake my beliefs~
I have arrived
Life is a journey and not just a rat race
Far more to me than just a pretty body & face
Scratch beneath the surface
I was reading up on an entirely different topic recently; when I ran across this one. Odd thing IS, I’ve been accused(and rightly so..) of viewing life through rose-colored glasses/always looking for the good in people/seeing things sunny side UP/viewing the glass as half-full and not half -empty..What folks don’t know; nor do I bother taking time to explain; is this wasn’t always the case. But truthfully? Life is so much better and fulfilling in this phase of my journey..Everydangday is a party; almost. Or rather close enough>
Digging deeper..—” A University of Toronto study provides the first direct evidence that our mood literally changes the way our visual system filters our perceptual experience suggesting that seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses is more biological reality than metaphor“…
In short, is your reality different than mine based on how you view things? Or is reality a concrete concept?>
“Good and bad moods literally change the way our visual cortex operates and how we see,” says Adam Anderson, a U of T professor of psychology. “Specifically our study shows that when in a positive mood, our visual cortex takes in more information, while negative moods result in tunnel vision. The study appears in the Journal of Neuroscience.
The U of T team used functional magnetic resonance imaging to examine how our visual cortex processes sensory information when in good, bad, and neutral moods. They found that donning the rose-coloured glasses of a good mood is less about the colour and more about the expansiveness of the view.”(Quotes taken from ScienceDaily.com)
Couldn’t this translate to not seeing things through rose-colored glasses means having a “narrow” view of things? Likewise folks who do see more of things & given situations? Whats the best view? Does the reality of the situation or the interpretation hold more weight? Haven’t studies also shown a positive attitude is good for overall health & well being? I think so because thats my reality; but I’m open to feedback on whats working for YOU..
**Background & credits**..So the other night I was reading a fellow blogger’s blog site(he’s an Ordained Minister/Life Coach/Business Coach, etc..)..He’s on my fave WordPress reading list @Johnnywalkerco.wordpress.com..And as he was explaining what a Life/Business Coach IS; he asked 2 questions..^1. Looking back a year AGO, are you better off in the following areas? *Professionally. *Financially*Spiritually*Relationally*Physically^2. And if you answered NO to any, would you like to be better off a year from now?..Well I instantly considered each & every area personally & my answers surprised me>
Oddly enough I hadn’t STOPPED long enough this past year; to even ponder over that question..But, without a doubt & with utmost honesty, my answer is YES..I am better off in every one of those areas. Going to save myself some finger strokes & ya’ll some reading time; you’ll have to trust me on this one. (although I could explain INdepth how my life has improved in all of those areas) The bigger question though IS; has YOURS? And if not; do you want it to? Next question..what are YOU waiting for? Lets rap..>
Mayhaps I’ve got an unfair advantage here..I’ve had some extreme motivating factors to improve on every, single facet of my life this past year..Numero Uno reason? I’m on the precipice of turning 50 years old(its so close I can reach out & touch IT) and I am determined! to be as much of the ALL I can BE by 50 yrs of age. Its highly personal..half a century old I figure is long enough to have reached a certain point. My second reason? I moved cross country & left alot behind to reach my UTOPIA. My forever happily ever after..Pretty much since my feet hit East Coast ground; I’ve been on the move. Not letting any grass grow under my feet(but I did plant my Daddy a lovely garden lol! ) to build UP ..Me. Haven’t ya’ll discovered we often need motivating factors to push us to do the max? Whether its a promotion we’re striving for. Whether its a significant other’s heart we’re trying to win over. Whether its a sport we’re trying to get a trophy competing for. Whether its an A in an academic subject we find challenging. The list goes on & on…So again, the question IS ‘Looking back a year AGO, are YOU better off in the aforementioned areas? And if NOT, what are you prepared to do to improve in those areas? >
I’ve become a firm believer that there is NO time like the present..My worst fear? To not become all I can BE..I personally know I’m not at my max; yet. I’m close, lol. But I’ve still got a couple more balls I think I can add to my juggling act..Are you doing all that YOU could be doing to reach your God given life purpose? Or perhaps one needs to ask themselves ‘What purpose am I serving? or want to serve? If you’re not UP to your own standard of what that is; then its time to work on improving those areas. Brick by brick it can be done..the first step is the hardest. But I can personally promise ya’ll it gets easier & you get a forward momentum! Or least thats the way I see IT. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
iJust think of how very different communication would be if..Leonard Kleinrock hadn’t wished something wild & NEW? A novel idea that NO one before him put down on paper. Folks probably thought he was crazy to even think of it. Folks probably told him it couldn’t be done in a million years! And yet look at how the Internet has grown from 1961 to 2013..It all began with a wish in the head of Kleinrock. A wish that has changed the entire WORLD. It began when he penned ‘Information Flow in Communication Nets’ in 1961..Even I’d not yet been born! But from the wish of Kleinrock that is when the Internet was born. WOW. Aren’t you glad he dared to wish & dream? >
What IF Alexander Graham Bell hadn’t dreamed? I’m more than sure folks that he had LOST his mind ; when he first introduced his idea. Think of how very different our lives would be without our cell phones?!? OMG I feel naked if I even think of walking out the front door without mine..Most days if I know where nothing else IS; I know where my cell phone is. Far more that I, we, do on cell phones than just talk. But aren’t we all thankful Bell acted on his dream? What IF he had let his doubts overshadow his vision? (or all of the naysayers doubts) When I think of such things from that perspective..it makes me THINK & reflect on wishes/ideas/dreams that I have>
To be driven & motivated to do anything..isn’t always easy. Some of us just thrive on creativity! Even something as simple as creating a blog site/with one’s own ideas; and to keep it going isn’t always as SIMPLE as it looks. But I’m in a phase of life that I strongly believe; nothing is impossible. If we can dream IT; it can be done. Wishes DO come true..There are things that can be accomplished withOUT a set of directions to do so. Folks that are afraid of failure; are human. Those that dare to push past those fears become..innovators.>
Many that have accomplished giving life to their dreams; failed many times before it came to fruition! One only has to google up such folks as Disney, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, even Karl Benz..the list goes on & on. But one of the beautiful things in this life; is the chance for 2nd chances. The opportunities to live one’s dreams these days is limitless..but one first has to believe in their own capabilities. WE only get one shot at this life..Live IT. Wish IT. Dream IT. Do IT.>
For anyone out there that lives in a spot, where fireflies exist, I wish I could see them! I recall backintheday loving the way their light lit UP the night ..My bro and I fondly called them what they were@lightening bugs.(well we were little at the time & thought everyone called them that) I think as people , like moths, many of us are drawn to the light..This is true without many even knowing it; we’re drawn to light just as day’light’ affects our moods & energy levels. (affects our chronobiological system) Now that I’m living “an intentional life”; and not just letting life happen 2 me..such things interest me far more than ever before. And learning more about it has impacted my life in immeasurable positive ways, countless, and the number is still climbing…
I’m of the belief we can speak(or think) things in or out of existence…I said this to someone recently; and being the wonderfully inquisitive person she is she asked me” Do you really believe that?!? ” My answer was/is yep, I sure do! Why? Because the mind is a trip…literally. WE can convince our selves of things no one else can! For instance, have you ever walked into an interview knowing/feeling/exhibiting like YOU are the best candidate for that position?? I don’t give a dang if there are a cazillion other candidates that applied for that ONE job..you just know & feel deep down in your bones/spirit/mind that YOU were created to do that job the BEST? Well, IF you walked in thinking the opposite; just think how that would impact your attitude thus affecting how you interview. In a negative manner…
For the record my disclaimer & my truth I live IS..I believe every single word my fingertips stroke here. I don’t paint a picture this vividly that I can’t see. My paintbrush is enormous! And I am living my life in bold, bright(yep I love bright colors) fabulous colors..Just yesterday I got a double-dose of bad news..News that were I the person I usedtoB could’ve/would’ve floored me. But I’ve learned, yearn to learn more, and am learning..myself and to live an intentional life. WE all have choices in this life. With concerted effort we can overcome and ride through ANY storm. I’m relentless now and majority of days my inner light flows out effortlessly..There is a song I don’t have time to dig up for ya’ll right now; thats called “I’m gonna let my little light shine” (or something close to that..) And I believe we all have the power within US; to do just that. Can’t we be the light we want to see in the world? I think we can and I think it will make the world a much better place..if we do just that. So today , and even on days (like this day is for me…) ; when you just don’t feel like you can muster UP the strength to let your little light shine..let it shine anyway. Know why? Because someone out there that usually shines so effortlessly, like lil ole me, might just need to vibe off the warmth of your light..So just bring IT. Time to prepare for church so until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Ever think about your existence in direct relation to the rest of the universe? Or in regards to the rest of the planet? One step further..Do you often wonder how your actions can(or do they? ) impact others in your family?/in your country?/at work?/in the world? Yep, I’m IN the midst of a wave of deep thought..and trying to ride it gracefully.
~We’re often told, by the infamous “they”, that living in the here & now is all there is…I’ll dig a little deeper. One time in my life a person, that I hardly knew, told me that I was right where ‘I’ was supposed to be at that very moment. I didn’t want to acknowledge what she was saying; because it wasn’t a very bright spot in my life journey. Last thing I wanted to believe was that it was meant to BE..but now? I see things differently, total-180-degree-type-of-differently
What is IT about humans that we’re far more prone to either ..a. re-play thoughts in our head(as well as verbally & written) about the past or b. create things in our mind about the future..i.e. fantacizing ..and sometimes even in our sleep..i.e..dreams. Not realizing at those times that doing so takes us away from the “present experience”; the now. Likewise wouldn’t this also mean when doing this we’re not fully “engaged & present” to interact with others in our life? Not fair to them when looked at that way ; especially IF they’re already fully living in the right now..
I’ve learned living in the past and/or the future; meant I was missing out on the freedom and peace in the right now..My awareness of this is SO real now that is almost tangible. I swear somedays I can almost taste it…I think we all know by now; its far easier to learn something than it is to UNlearn something. Including ways of thinking..I literally have had to ‘force’ myself to see the pure and utter beauty in the now. I stop to smell “alot” of roses now. Alot.. And it is so far beyond liberating that even I can’t find the proper way or word to express it fully
I could see how “the past” was creating /molding my present & future…Once I became conscious of that; I chose to make another choice. I chose to forgive the past; and fully embrace the now. And quite frankly I wake UP each morning and leap, almost literally(head rush alot of times doing this; so be careful! ) in anticipation and excitement of a brand new day/beginning. Its like you wake up excited as a child on Christmas Day every morning! With the feeling of “What did I miss and if I sleep one more minute I might miss something”…which could explain why most mornings(even weekends when I’m off work) I wake at O’dark thirty. I never need to use an alarm..ever.
I used to think life was happening “to me”; instead of “for me”. And I’m here as a witness to say one(including you if you want to..) can totally change the way you perceive things..but it takes a great deal of work(daily and consistently) and an immense desire to wish to change. Even deeper than the old adage@Nothing changes until something changes, is, one must change their way of thinking before anything can change…I believe in this , not because I’ve heard or read it(which I have..) but because I am living it.
I think we all have a purpose we were born/created to fulfill. A God-given life purpose..for me knowing that gives life meaning. Without such beliefs I think life would be beyond dull and would probably be similar to how a gerbil feels…running around & around a wheel all day long! Day after day after day year after year after year; until death. As IF! I don’t even want to imagine that type of existence..As I reach different levels of consciousness(and I’ve still a ways to go…) through meditation, reflection, prayer, and as I interact with people from different cultures/from different countries/from different backgrounds; what is no longer in alignment with where I’m “at” (my now and my present) is falling to the wayside. Like old hurts from the past. Thus making it easier to forgive and yep, to eventually forget. That being factual inofself has been immensely beneficial for my now; and for my future. I dig the fact that by living in the “now”; I am being all I can be right now. Not tomorrow. Not planning for when I’m going to do this or that for a rainy day. But right now. And I try very hard to remember this and it helps me to keep things in perspective. ” Whatever is happening in my current experience, on any given day or moment, was meant to BE or it wouldn’t BE”>Until I write/read ya’ll again stay uplifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to know all the answers..to anything. But what I do speak on I’ve lived. Through trial & error; and this theory is what works for me. In every aspect of my life it is working; only exception is my last love relationship. Which honestly I’ve not applied the time it deserves..but the right time for that is coming. Soon. Very soon. Anyways I say all of that to say I practice what I preach. Moving right along>
Keep it moving means exactly what it implies. Stay busy reaching/striving for your goals/dreams! This is a conscious “choice” we can make. And it is necessary; if one wants to make sound, progressive choices instead of excuses. Ever met a person that just goes on and on about would’ve , should’ve , could’ve? They’re probably also a couch potato ..as IF that will help them do some of those things they wish they could’ve done. Staying busy , productive, and progressive keeps my mind clear of unnecessary clutter and B.S.! I simply don’t have time for it..and the rest of the time I’m sleep. But still working on getting more of that. But anyways moving right along>
Kis..yep, almost just as good as kiss! Keep it simple..Choose what you want to do. List the things it will take to get the job done. And one by one knock down the things on that list..before you know it..mission accomplished! Keeping it simple allows one to NOT get distracted(or delayed) by unnecessary complications. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” Quote by Albert Einstein
I used to live by chance..Trying to do everything in a perfect manner. Wound up feeling disappointed in myself alot because..a state of perfection doesn’t exist! When I chose to grab life and my goals..by the cajones and just do IT..I’ve been a cazillion times more effective in achieving what I set out to do. And a heck of alot happier/comfy in my own skin/content 100% with my choices/decisions. Sometimes you just have to step out on FAITH. Been there and doing it. Alot. It is never an easy walk; but waiting for others to decide my fate left me feeling unfulfilled. NO one person , nobody, can make the best choices for an adult that will leave that person feeling wonderful. But making a choice that is right for me(you); regardless of whether it fails or not..has been awesome for my soul and self-esteem. When the choice, my choice, works!..I feel like I’m walking on air/gives me more confidence to make more choices & decisions/and motivates me to strive higher. The impossible truly is possible..ya’ll will just have to trust me on that one. Or try it for yourselves.
IF there is something about your life you’re not content with; work to change IT. We all know the type of folks who whine about this or that..yet do nothing to change it. That is their choice..however for those that truly want to make a change..just DO it. 17 months ago I took a leap of faith(for the 1st time in my life journey) and I’ve never looked back…Change? It is possible if you want it badly enough. Even at almost 50 yrs of age.
Last but not least most of us have a very, very strong relationship with our “inner voice”. That “gut” feeling. I call mine my “vibe radar”..when I feel good vibes from a person or an environment..99.9% of the time it is spot on. Same for the vibes I get when I’m making a decision or choice. Its called intuition. With most women it is strong; problem is we don’t listen to it half as much as we should. Until we get older/wiser/stronger/BETTER..or maybe that is just how its worked out for me. Word of advice? Learn yourself. Learn what you’re skilled at. Learn what you do BEST. Strive to figure out your GOD given talents. We ALL have them; just some of ya’ll don’t use them or don’t know what yours are. Learn your flaws and your faults. Admit them and work on improving them. Daily..Learn your weaknesses. Try to either stay “away” from them or get stronger so they won’t be a weakness. Its my belief the more one learns themselves; the more one’s inner voice can be heard and felt. Real talk. It works if you work it. Least that is the way I see IT…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
I am so high on life..
Deliciously and naturally smashed
*My old way of thinking/feeling/BEing?*
Somewhere far away backintheday…
I’m reaching higher and higher
Called my own cease fire
From my old worst opposition
In a forever state of remission
The she that used to be me..
I am so high on life!
Stressing less & less
Didn’t get here on my own
Even though I’m quite grown
Finally ! learned I’d never walked alone..
But no more talk of days gone by & yester-years
Long forgotten past haunts ,pursuits and fears
Manipulating A,B,Cs with my pen to the max
Vibing floetically my mental is set on: relax
Sashaying thru life while to myself staying true
Free at last! to do what only I can do as I do
I am so high on life that I can kiss the sky
Any higher I might just think I really can fly
Laughing out loud so much from the inside out
No longer restrained and free of self doubt
Wrapped UP in my uniqueness & originality rules
Bringing it back till its once again “in” ; even cool
My eyes lifted up to the heavens so thankful my God is patient
HE walked beside me all the while and long before I believed..
I’ve left behind all the things I thought I knew and perceived
High on life
Did you know what YOU think; is what YOU attract? Let that sink in for a minute..and take this thought with you also. @ ““The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her/his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
**Remember all the passion, drive, ambition, goals, DREAMS ya’ll had when leaving the “nest”? That all encompassing feeling of thinking , I can DO it all and I know it all! ; and I’m going to do this, and travel there! , etc etc, yada yada..And then life happened. Bills, marriage, more bills, house with a picket fence, more bills!, children, more bills, children’s education, more BILLS..and in between off to work we go….Its all too easy to get SO caught up in co-raising children and holding down a marriage/love relationship plus taking care of the household; to forget one’s OWN dreams. Or least it was for moi(me) My dreams took a major back seat…by design. For once I became a Mother; it became my full time job. And the most important JOB that I’ll ever have..When I became an empty-nester; I honestly didn’t know how to handle IT. It didn’t come easy to me as many would think it should..It was traumatic. Thoughts of “What do I do NOW?” “OMG my sons don’t neeeeed me anymore” etc…Suddenly it seemed as if my days lasted forever. I didn’t know what to DO with all the extra time. I had forgotten my dreams. And I was totally clueless how to “desire” my old passions/dreams/goals as I once had. But now, thanks to a mighty GOD, and an extremely loving family/friends; I can remember my dreams. And daily I’m working on attaining them one by one. I dream BIG and I dream in living COLOR>
I think one of the main keys to staying progressive IS; staying positive! We have to keep ourselves UPlifted. We have to believe in ourselves before anyone else will. And we have to know we can achieve ANYthing we desire. IF we can dream it; we can do IT. Or least that is the way I see it..and I’m living it. I’ve come to believe that nothing easily gained is worth it. Nada..I’m a worker bee..And if you spend time around me; I’ll put you to work also. Nothing changes; until something changes..and that means keeping it moving. Was Rome built in a day? Absolutely not..but it took a TON of folks to build Rome UP. And I’m willing to bet it began with a dream that it could happen..
The Laws of Cause & Effect are strong in our lives..Once we truly realize that; any goal can be accomplished. Are you at cause so you give yourself the power to make the choice about how you think, feel and act and you create the life you want or are you at the effect of everything life throws at you so you see everything as negative and are always looking for something or someone to blame for your what happens to you in life? Let that sink in for a minute. And being honest with self in answering that helps..
And last, but certainly not least..HELP someone else reach their dream while you’re striving towards yours. Lending a helping hand to others , for me, has brought me joy..it just feels good! And, believe it or not, when you least expect it..it comes back tenfold. Amazing how that works out
Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
I make this look ALOT easier than it really “tis..Alot of my commentary about “being single & waiting for my ‘The One’ might come across as IF it is always …A walk in the park/through rows & rows of rose petals/and full of fabulous, sunny days..While 99.9% of my days ARE full of sunshine/tons of smiles/& even more laughter; it is some of those after-hour moments that can be trying at best. Shows like ‘Sex in the City‘ & even the black casted “Girlfriends‘; didn’t always reveal the “real” scoop. …
Majority of the time I can’t/won’t lie; my vibe is right and tight. No complaints with being single & sexy other than…I’m ready to NOT be single! I am ready for my onceinalifetimeloveofalifetime. And before I dive in deeper this song will or should set the background for the foreground; that I’m getting ready to lay down. Just so there are no misinterpretations of where I’m coming from..
Now that its been established the phase of life I’m in…Its the notsofabulous moments when thoughts of temptation can creep into the crevices of my mind..Usually right before I go to sleep when I’m finally; still. Those times when the part of my inner self? has doubts>
That “trouble-making” part of self that attempts to disturb my groove of feeling hecka-fied and awesome..Asks funky questions like: What IF waiting on “the 1” is for naught?!? Where the heck is HE? Is he lost??? Is time spent going to make up for these months of waiting? Why isn’t THE time for love right now? Maybe Mr Right Now is better than waiting for Mr Right..
I don’t profess to speak for all Black women..BUT I can not be the only one going through IT. However I am so busy it isn’t often I have time to even get “that lonely feeling”. That feeling of remembrance…of how sweet love can be and IS. *sigh* Certainly I can’t be the only Sista trying to walk the walk; and talk the talk…Single by choice and actually I’m not even dating yet, lol!, BUT I’m close to being ready to date..I guess I was hoping I’d run into Mr Right and he’d be SO awesome, that I’d be forced to give up my “dating hiatus”. After all I am a dreamer; and I dream BIG and in color…
Truth be told I’ve never waited on love before..this is my very first time. There isn’t much of my adult life that I’ve spent *single and unattached*. I’m far more used to being part of a love union than..this. I don’t even know if I’m doing this right! How does one know when it is their very first time? And how much longer can I endure those late night thoughts that creep in? Not sure how many more sheep I can count..
That nagging feeling that comes when my body is tired yet..mymindisstillracing gets me SO amped up I think about the unthinkable. A long distance relationship. Ugh! Or what about joining an internet dating site? Double Ugh! But holding on the hope of all hopes that not ALL of the outstanding brothers are married..IF so where the heck are they?! I keep running smack into hot married ones on this coast. Triple Ugh! And I refuse to go down that road…Did all of the hot, outstanding ,single, brothers move to the right coast when I relocated to the left coast?!?? OMG
The really great news? I don’t have these type of thoughts often..though honestly I’ve had them alot more than when I first decided to take a breather from dating..More fabulous news? Overall the results have far exceeded what I’d wished for. Doing ‘me’ for a minute was one of the best decisions of my life..And I know, in my heart of hearts , I’m so close to the finish line. I can feel it! I can and will overcome those “nagging” late night thoughts & temptations..because settling now would truly mean I’d wasted alot of precious time learning me/doing me/reaching for my dreams, etc etc yada yada. And the best news of all? I feel so much better after this rant and venting it all out…exhaling is necessary from timetotime. Thank you GOD for blogging ;for its served as such a sweet release. Problem solved for now…
Had to show my Sista‘s some love during my venture of blogging Blackness during Black History Month..This letter format was inspired from Nova Giovanni..A brother whose a fellow WordPress blogger, comedian, radio personality, active philanthropist, social activist & author. The brother is busy for sure! And his site is listed in my faves if ya’ll want to check him out..
Dearest Sista, I write this letter with the UTmost love, respect and regard..Sight unseen I know you’re beautiful! And the world does as well. How do I know? Many women from coast to coast and around the world try with all their might! to EMULATE you. Don’t you find it odd when there are tons of stereotypes /racist , funky comments(usually behind our back …) about US; over the years in increasing numbers WE are imitated and envied. How so? From as far back as Bo Derek “others” wanted OUR hairstyles; from braids to cornrolls! Folks pay big bucks to “tan” their skin in an attempt to gain our fabulous skin tones. Butt implants and fuller lip injections are the latest rage; attributes WE were born with naturally. And OUR Black brothers(men)? Well they’ve been desired by “others” since the beginning of time…Yet, you my Sista, were created beautiful just the way YOU are!
From the natural sashay of our curvy hips as we walk..to the way we can pull it together even during times of crisis..to the graceful way we age naturally withOUT even the many wrinkles to betray our true age…Black Women rein supreme when they’re at their BEST. When a Sista has come “into her own” she isn’t just a glowing sight to behold; she is pretty much unstoppable in achieving her dreams/goals/aspirations. She can come from the depths of poverty and abuse; to unlimited financial status. With finesse! Oprah is a perfect example of that very fact..and thus makes it possible for all of US…
But my dearest Sista, I wonder in the sincerest of ways, if YOU truly know from whence you come..Do you walk as IF you love yourself? Is there pride in the way you carry yourself? When you look in the mirror are you proud of what you see? Do you know that you walk on the shoulders of those who gave their lives for you to have the world at your fingertips? Are you living UP to your God given purpose? I never gave birth to the daughter I yearned for ; BUT if I’d had a daughter these are some of the things I’d have shared with her..
1. When you’re in your 20s you’ll think you know everything! When you reach your 40s..you’ll realize you didn’t know HALF as much at 20 as you’d thought you did. The lesson? Listen to your parents even when you think they’re not hip ! as you…truth IS they don’t just think they know it all. They do! As you mature gather people into your “inner circle” who can mentor you…Mentors aren’t just for college students. Choose people who have achieved goals they’ve strived for. Choose people who are already in places or careers you’d like to attain. And listen/observe every , single thing you can.
2. Choose your lovemates WISELY. Like Judge Judy says to all the whining women who complain about their misfortune with men; YOU picked him! Choose men not just based on looks or how fine he IS(although I won’t lie physical attraction IS a must) but also on his admirable traits , level of smarts, respect for his parents(important!) , his level of compassion, belief in GOD(sorry its the way I feel so I can’t leave that out) and bottom line ask yourself if he is a good person at heart..Who your mate IS is a direct reflection of YOU. Or it should be…
3. Hard as it IS sometimes remember your body is a precious temple..Treat it as such. If you take care of your body in your 20s; when you reach your 40s you won’t look like you’re 100 yrs old. Starting good physical habits in your 20s is far easier than later in life…Old habits are very, very hard to break. Consider your “precious temple” before you give it easily over to a Man..make sure he is worthy of your “essence” . Every time you give of “yourself” ; you’re giving away a piece of your essence.
4. There is NO one person who can be your everything! Nor should you need them to be..that was a hard lesson for me to learn. Just glad I finally did. A lovemate should compliment all that you are. Like ying and yang..doesn’t mean you have to be twins. And can often mean you’ll be opposites in many ways..BUT you should share core mutual interests. I’ve seen a pair of opposites work in sync for over 50 years; my parents.
5. NEVER be afraid to be different even when in a crowded room of Idontcarehowmany! NEVER be afraid to share your passions..NEVER be afraid to do your own thing. BE original. BE the first. DO YOU..you’ll find it alot more satisfying than being a follower. And more often than not folks will follow you…Let your little light shine and let it shine brightly. You only get one life/one shot to do this life.
6. Stand FIRM in your convictions/beliefs when you feel with all your being that you’re right..but pray for discernment before doing so. However, also learn to know when to “fold” and give in ..its a thin line indeed..but it can be done. Trusting your “gut woman’s intuition” will save you many a heartache or misfortune; so learn to trust it 100%! Majority of the time our “first inclination” is totally accurate. It IS when we as women doubt ourselves we usually fall short…
7. Embrace who YOU are; Black roots included. Let NO one convince you that being Black is ugly or bad..your Blackness is a part of you that should be nutured..Learn your history and cherish it. Never , ever forget the many who died for you to go to uncharted territory they only could dream of. When you walk out of the door every , single day! you represent your ancestors, your parents, and YOU. Act like it..always..including how you dress! Translation: Cover UP your behind and breasts; unless of course you’re at the beach.
8. Strive to constantly strengthen your “spiritual being” and your FAITH in GOD. Without God you can do nothing; and with GOD you can do anything you dream of. Real talk….you never walk alone. Ever. Once you realize that the entire world/universe! will look different to you.
9. Last but not least remember always YOU were created for a reason! No child is an accident; even ones WE didn’t plan. You’re a unique creation…a one of a kind. One and only YOU. Strive to reach your God given purpose..Work always to improve “self” for we’re always a work in progress. And love, love!, LOVE your counter-part. Your Black Brothers. For even if you don’t fall in love with one..you were created to support HIM. Whether it is as your Father/Daddy/Son/friend/confidant/lover/or husband..do NOT tear him down. For if you do you’re also tearing down a part of YOU..and it is quite impossible to raise outstanding Black sons into beautiful Black MEN; without a sincere RESPECT for Black Men. It is quite simple to understand when looked at from that aspect….Whatever you do enjoy your life. Its a life full of chances to fall down , learn from mistakes!, and dust self off and keep right on moving forward. Love your life; and live the life you love. Anything less is a waste of time…DO YOU and do you to the best of your ability. If you do you’ll have little to no regrets.
In dedicating this week’s posts to ALL things pertaining to Black America..in honor of Black History Month..I’d be remiss in not giving proper attention/adulation/RESPECT to BLACK FATHERS. I should’ve begun and ended with this topic; but I needed time to gather my thoughts to give this topic the HIGH regard it deserves. I can only pray I give it the DUE justice it so rightfully earns. Here is my very best attempt to stand UP and pay homage to the Black MEN whose positive side is notoriously ignored by the media, the paparazzi, often times by Black WOMEN themselves..
**This is a subject near & dear 2 my heart as a 4ever & very LOVED Daddy’s Girl. I dedicate this piece as a tribute to the MAN who gave me life/has been my life-line in my darkest of days/and who has been the voice in my life journey that could instantly bring me comfort when I needed it the most/and beloved lifemate & lovemate of my Mom.. I love you always, Daddy!**
~”Mothers can not be Fathers…Fathers can not be Mothers” EACH role is distinctly important and that is far too often disregarded by the Black community. In the same regard a FATHER’s role is CRUCIAL in a child’s development; no different than it takes both sexes to make a baby…it should rightfully take BOTH to properly raise a child. Exclamation point. Period..Nonetheless many a Black woman has HAD to take on both roles. Or in some cases , far too many, overlooked and under-mined a Father’s role in their child(rens) lives. Which, in my opinion, is a GREAT disservice to the child. Because society does its best to depict Black Fathers as UNneeded; Black Mothers/Women have got to play double -duty letting them know they’re ESSENTIAL. It is a part of our unspoken JOB even though we fall short at times doing so…
>For far too long the “rumors” that resonate as so called “facts” in American society about Black Fathers hasn’t been defended OUT LOUD by anyone…including the Black community. Harsh and sad as that sounds we all know it is true. But what is NOT true is the UNtruth that Black men don’t care /don’t want to care about their children . I’ve lived and seen quite the opposite with my own Father(aka Daddy) , my exhusband, and a host of friends who are Black Fathers/Dads/Pops!/Papa..
NOT only do Black men LOVE their children , and want to spend time with them, but many have had to go to great lengths(and expense of attorneys) to secure what should be their “right”; as a parent. Which is to participate and BE involved in their child’s life; & faced much resistance from racially/gender biased court systems. I personally witnessed a friend of mine endure this for 3 years! The entire time over $800 a month deducted from his salary monthly; yet he had to fight the courts/& child’s mother for visitation rights. Honestly, had I not witnessed it I’d not have believed such a thing could happen…What I feel needs to happen so this can cease is Black mothers have GOT to stop manipulating the court system. Why stop a well-intentioned Father from spending time with their child? And shouldn’t we ask ourselves WHY the court system would allow such a thing?!? But one only has to know the detriment to a child without their Father in their lives..just maybe the infamous “they” don’t want Black Fathers involved in their childrens lives for a reason. Nevertheless the courts would NOT be able to dictate such things; IF mothers respected the importance of the Father’s involvement. Black relationships without a doubt need a major overhaul when courts are this involved in “their” childrens lives…WE can and must do better or our childrens future will be bleak.
The positive impact an actively engaged Father has on a child’s life is beyond priceless…#1 . Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their child #2. Indirectly the relationship between child’s parents will IMPACT the child for life. So even when parents split maintaining a cordial environment is MANDATORY. Just look at it as working on a mutual major project together; your child. Mature folks who love their child can manage this(and helps if you once loved each other)…#3. Children with involved, caring Fathers have better educational outcomes. Higher IQs, better linguistic & cognitive skills(if you don’t believe me google it..) #4.Children with involved Fathers are more emotionally secure,confident to explore their surroundings, less likely to get into trouble at home , school , or anywhere!, and have better social connections/skills #5. Children with involved Fathers are far less likely to experience depression issues, less likely to exhibit disruptive behavior, MORE likely to exhibit pro -social behavior #6. LESS likely to get involved with DRUGS, gangs, or violent behavior..
I’ve personally lived out loud the benefit of having been born into an active 2 parent loving(and IN love with one another)”nuture” team..Fortunately I no longer live over 3,000 miles from them; and loving every moment I get to spend with my parents. Parenting is a JOB that lasts for a LIFEtime. It never ends folks…. I’ve also been part of a 2 parent parenting team with my now exhusband; and its been(and still is) an experience I’ll cherish forever. My exhusband fully understands and promotes the importance of BOTH of our roles; and I give him his much deserved DUE props on a regular basis. He’s known to say there is nothing like “mama love” ; and likewise with “Pops love” We’ve shared duties and “huddled” over major issues. Even though we’ve been divorced for years. Having watched the nuturing love he has given to our sons; has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I’ve got another treasured friend who raised his children on his own basically…never once bad mouthing his children’s mother. Just stepped UP and took the reins in his hands and raised 3 awesome people. Single & GREAT Black Fathers DO exist. Though they ask for no applause; the applause should be thunderous! Enough of just the negative stories about our Black Fathers being plastered across screen and newspapers..the same light should be shown on the outstanding ones. And IF this isn’t done then Black Women need to step UP and do the JOB they were created for@Be supportive of Black Men when the rest of the world is NOT…Or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)
~I am NOT my hair. I am NOT this skin. I am NOT your expectations no, no. I am NOT my hair ! I am NOT this skin….I am a SOUL that lives within~Lyrics by India Aire. India Aire’s song suggests we aren’t our hair..While I can understand the point she’s making; I can’t personally relate. I do indeed feel our hair IS a reflection and self-expression of WHO we are; and whats going on inside of us. And while the Bible says that a woman’s hair is her GLORY; with BLACK women I feel it is FAR more than that. IT defines us in ways that don’t just meet the “eye”; but also reveals our ESSENCE.
First things first..For many moons I’ve said the following @ The Black hair care industry is a multi-million dollar industry; and the Black community is the LEAST to see any revenue from it! Ya’ll can google UP whose got the major control over the industry(cause I think most of us already know…); and also note the fact they’ve a. excluded non-Koreans(yep, you guessed it!) from the industry by refusing to distribute to them b. raised prices higher when distributing products to non-Koreans c. do NOT put revenue back into Black communities but INSTEAD put the revenue back into theirs….Now the question that is just begging to be answered is?!? WHY didn’t Blacks corner the market on their own hair products in the first place???? And now? Everyone has got their hands into the pot of gold regarding Black women’s hair care; except Black women. *slapping forehead* But there are alternatives…
The new hot debate is Natural vs. Relaxed or Weaves…and it can get quite heated! Not in the conversations I’ve engaged in though…Natural is the being called the New Black. I’ve even heard sista ‘s that went natural say they feel its disgusting when a sista either relaxes or wears a weave. WOW. and omg! as if we need yet another thing to divide us. Lawd! Personally I feel it is a woman’s choice to do what SHE pleases with her hair..IF she wants to wear a wolly mammoth atop her head; her business! IF she wants to pay upwards of $500 or more for really good natural fake hair; her business! If she wants to chop it all off and strut it bald; her business! And IF she wants to chemically relax her hair/hot comb it; her business! OUR hair is already scrutinized, styles stolen( Bo Derek took OUR braids to a whole new level…) and critiqued by everyone else as it is. Last thing that needs to happen now is in-fighting..so knock it off! Chill out and do your thing with YOUR hair; and respect others to do the same with theirs. Some sista’ s want to try to micro-manage everything and everybody..jeeeeez. Can’t we all just get along?!?
Here is my opinion regarding natural vs relaxed vs weaves vs bald. The bald state is an easy & quick answer. Hecks NO! I dig being versatile far too much to even consider it..Backintheday my exhusband used to say I’d be beautiful to him even if I was bald! Aww gotta love him but still NO WAY. I’ve seen beautiful Black women sport the bald look ; but not my style.
I’ve also seen beautiful sista’s rock weaves..Beyonce is NEVER without a weave. Ever…her natural hair is boy short. It is quite the norm now for anyone to go from boy short to waist long hair over night. And also quite costly. There are weaves you can’t tell aren’t real hair…Love the idea of being versatile as an option. But I like my scalp being able to breathe…I don’t even wear hats! When I want to run my hands through my scalp; I don’t want to pull back thread. Or worse; not have the freedom to run my hands through my hair. Different strokes for different folks and this just isn’t my style.
I’ve got MAD respect & regard for sista’s that sport their natural hair! The cost is lower than weaves/wigs and I hear it is very liberating….I’ve got male Black friends who will NOT date a woman who wears weaves/wigs/relaxers. They want it all natural…from head to toes.
And while the numbers of Black women who go natural is rising; the majority are still relaxing or semi-relaxing their hair. It is convenient and when maintained with natural conditioners/relaxers the hair is very healthy. I’ve been on the verge of going all natural; but I’ve not dived in with both feet yet. I’m semi there and I use double natural conditioners in my hair to keep it healthy & vibrant. Which takes more time but to me its worth it. I love my hair long…and since its naturally thick I have an awesome time being able to wear many different styles. I don’t get angry when people ask if its real….Actually I think its very amusing “others” are SO obsessed with OUR hair enough to ask such a question. Bottom line is it is our hair/ our choice. And that is the way I see it…Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
2. I am going to have the BIGGEST party of my entire LIFE for my 50th this summer..Couldn’t be more excited about that!
3. I’ve got far more than 50 loved ones(including both of my parents!) /close friends/dear friends that are still living whose company I can enjoy/laugh with/hang out with/hug/kiss/talk to. NO material object on earth can compare..
4. I can recall when the majority of music involved lyrics that meant something; they just don’t make that type of GOOD music like backintheday.
5. I was around to enjoy(and then enjoy with my sons..) playing games as a family that involved the ENTIRE family. Not like the 1 or 2 player video games or internet games. Card games like Monopoly, Scrabble!, Trouble, Headache, Uno, Twister(wow what fun!) , Hopscotch, Jumprope(do little girls even do these things anymore???) Oh , how I bet parents out there wish gifts were as cheap now as backintheday…and the time spent as a family? Priceless
7. Focusing on things I can DO and not things that I can’t do anymore..I can still do front flips/cartwheels/the splits!/handstands/touch my toes with ease/see my toes with ease lol!
8. I’m stronger, wiser, BETTER than I’ve ever been..and ever is a very long time
9. Recall fondly the days when mobile phone meant walking around with a corded phone..and the cord was LONG enough to wrap around 4 city blocks! Dang sure didn’t have to worry about the battery running out in the middle of a steamy conversation..
10. Recall the days when leaving a cell phone at home did not felt like leaving behind a limb! Matter of fact I’ve never left home without mine…anyone out there remember when we used to wait till we got home to discover what we didn’t buy at the store??? Today’s convenience is something I’ve grown to love but there is a certain beauty in being able to recall the good ole days..
12. No chronic health issues or meds needed . No batteries either! And thanking GOD/my lucky stars/and trying to do all I can to maintain good health. If there is one word of advice for the youth that is worth gold it is.. take care of your body daily. And FLOSS after every meal..
13. I’ve no enemies..that I know of anyway! I greet even strangers like they are friends. And I treat my family & friends like GOLD. Its returned 10fold..
14. I can /and do speak my mind freely…
15. Still have most of my marbles left and no memory loss issues; or least I think so. Lol!
16. Got over the stage of thinking “I know it all”, whew! Now I’ve learned that the more I learn the more there is to learn…I’ve aligned mentors(even some that don’t know they are my mentors in any subject area I want to learn more about) Another tip for the youth= Attain mentors; you’ll need them.
17. Learned not to give unsolicited advice. Sort of…still working on fully mastering that.
18. Finally learned to be a “glass is half-full ” type of person; instead of the opposite I once used to be. And technically the glass is always FULL…unless you’re in a vacuum of space. Yep, google that one..
19. One gets OLD; when they stop playing/being playful/ or knowing how to play. I am never going to get OLD; just older & better
20. Dancing! becomes an art that when the music comes on your body just takes over & disengages from the brain. So dance, dance, dance and dance; even if it means you’ve got to dance by yourself. Dance!
22. You can learn anything at any AGE. And I’m hoping I also learn you don’t forget how to do things just because you’ve not done them in a while…more on that when I finally do IT
23. Maturity means= Even up to my 40s I took life so seriously! (especially when I was co-raising sons) Finally as I’m closing in on 50 I’m laughing more daily than ever before..
24. 50 really doesn’t feel anything like I thought 50 would feel like when I was in my 20s or even my 30s..50 doesn’t feel OLD as I thought it would at all. 50 just feels fabulous!
25. I’ve learned to drop my fears…bad things are going to happen cause life happens. But I’ve been over/under/around/and THROUGH such mindblowing, deeeeeep valleys/and just downright shiiiite and survived that its given me confidence that there isn’t much I can’t handle or live through. There is much comfort in knowing/feeling that
26. I’ve learned that sometimes NO answer is about as good as it gets. And that is just fine..I used to think life was all black and white. Or I’d just have to know the answer to the many questions I ask(I’m inquisitive by nature) But I’m learning that isn’t the case. Gray area does exist..and sometimes you just have to let things GO in order to get to the next level. And sometimes? After you let it go; the answer finally becomes clear
27. I try very, very hard to put principles BEFORE personality. This was something a very dear friend on the West Coast taught me…priceless lessons he taught me. There are times we have to interact with folks that we do NOT agree with on a consistent basis. Or something about them is so different from our beliefs/behavior…Agreeing to disagree alot works in these situations. Or in some cases just giving in works too …and this is necessary sometimes if on a team(for lack of a better word) worker towards a mutual goal. Might not be easy to understand now but when you get into situations as I’m referring to; you’ll understand
28. Small stuff DOES matter! Time spent with my parents. Priceless. Time spent doing labors of love; like a garden for my Daddy. Priceless. Time spent chatting with old friends on the West Coast. Priceless. Time spent over a quick lunch with new friends. Priceless. Laughing with new/old friends or loves ones. Priceless! Watching the sun rise. Absolutely priceless..Life is full of moments that we just have to stop to enjoy
29. Simplify. Simplify. SIMPLIFY. That IS the word of the day. Every day…
30. I’ve learned to COUNT my blessings every single day..and testify whenever possible to whoever will listen. I find myself doing this more than I ever thought I would..never thought I would actually.
31. I’ve always been a dreamer. And I dream BIG..as I near 50 I’m DOing more things I’d always said I’d DO. Living ones dreams is better than living to dream. Not getting any younger and there is NO time like the present
32. The things that yield the best results in life= Do NOT get caught up in gossip. It can be lethal…So be fair. Be HONEST. Be consistent. Be GENEROUS. Be Trustworthy. Respect others and yourself. And smile alot! It is contagious..
33. I’ve learned it is better to be KIND than RIGHT..another very close West Coast friend taught me this. And he was so right…
34. I’ve learned a broken heart can mend. Over time. Alot of time. I’m praying though I don’t have wait for mine to mend ever again though
35. Admitting you don’t know how to do something yields better results than pretending you do! The good news? Usually , or least has been the case with me, you’ll quickly find after admitting it someone will teach you what you didn’t know. I love IT when it works out that way
36. Generic store brands? Just as good as the name brand more expensive versions. Saving money is awesome!
37. Saving for a rainy day or necessity(like a new car..) just makes sense. Saving pennies or even coins does add up…Literally
38. Wear what YOU like to wear & what you feel you look best in. I never was one for following “fads”….bottom line is DO and BEing yourself just feels great. I don’t want to walk around looking like a carbon copy of everyone else..
39.Compliment. Compliment. Compliment! I always let people know I like what they’ve got on or a new hair style. Why do we think these things but don’t say them out loud? Saying them usually brings out a smile..
40. Be early. Saves alot of frustration and stress from rushing to get to places
41. Floss! I can’t say that enough…and I might say it for a 3rd time to get to the end of this 50 list
42. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I don’t take myself near as serious as I used to…result? I stopped being my own worst critic/enemy. Discovered it was impossible to reach perfection . I stopped even reaching for perfection. Now I just do my best. At anything I do
43. Stay true to MYSELF. I don’t let anyone define who I am anymore. I like me after long last. Either accept me as I am or move on…and I’ll do the same
44. Failing at some things is normal. If we don’t fail we’re not pushing our own limits. Many people first failed at things , and yet kept striving, are now considered major success stories. Life is full of ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things..I’m one of them
45. Being on time matters. If I can’t get there early I’m at the least on time. Early bird really does get the prize…
47. Not sure when I became a “ma’am”! OMG when I first starting hearing it from strangers I’d look around to see who the heck they were talking to..I’ve finally adjusted to it. Sort of…lol
48. A good debate from time to time is still good for a “rush”; but anything other than that even closely remote to having an arguement is SO over-rated and just not necessary. I’ve grown old enough to know you can talk anything out …even when not in agreement. If I’ve got to fight with you consistently I don’t care to spend precious time with you. Period. And I mean that…I’ve no drama in my life NOR do I want any
49. IF a person judges me, or anyone else, by the type of car they drive /how much money they make/or what they own…they’re NOT the type of person I want to spend time around.
50…Wooooo hoooo I made it to 50. Keeping ones’ word is important to ME. So glad I was able to with this list. Was alot harder than I thought when I chose this topic..but nothing easy is usually worth it.
~~I’ve decided to post a ‘Thought 4 the Week’ . Going to jump start things by starting with one near N dear to my heart. It is my true BELIEF that what we intake (whether it is what we hear, see, or ingest into our bodies..) can and DOES have an impact on us! That includes what we see or hear from others. What we see or hear in our environment.(including what is on the BOOB tube ) It only makes sense that if one intakes alot of negativity; it can impact even the most positive of people. In a negative way! And negative vibes will seep out in some form or another. So what is Karma? This is the way I see IT…I’m currently reading two books; one of the books is a reference guide @Philosophy by Steven Law. I’ve always had an interest in the Hindu concept of Karma. I’ve learned quite a bit more about it(as well as opposing viewpoints & concepts) by reading an array of books. But, before I go further just one more quote that I feel is relevant.
>>>Karma= the Moral Capital. Karma=the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence. Karma=Effect from Cause; from one’s own actions. Karma=Whatever we do with our body, mind, or speech will have a corresponding RESULT.
*Recently I’ve found myself saying that GOD makes no mistakes; no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. Could then some of that “reason” be based on our very thoughts, our actions, and our WORDS? Of course…If one believes that such a things as “karma” exists; then they also believe that nothing happens by accident. From that line of thinking it can stand to reason that; there are cosmic influences at work that determine our lives. Thus good deeds bear sweeeet fruit . Bad deeds bear fruit that is beyond bitter…One has to have an open mind ~N~ think far outside of the box to even begin or want to grasp this concept. Having said all of that what could it hurt to THINK, ACT and SPEAK in a positive manner? Especially when the results of doing so have such potential to yield positive things?!? Don’t we all benefit more from positive light than negative darkness? The words inof themselves@ light and dark have great meaning. Objects are ATTRACTED to light! Like a moth….Objects can not been seen in the dark. Hmmmm. One more quote …
“In simple terms, what does karma mean? It means that whatever we do, with our body, speech, or mind, will have a corresponding result. Each action, even the smallest, is pregnant with its consequences. It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree. And as Buddha said: “Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.” Similarly he said: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.” Karma does not decay like external things, or ever become inoperative. It cannot be destroyed “by time, fire, or water.” Its power will never disappear, until it is ripened.”~Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
**In observance of this FABULOUS holiday@ Martin Luther King, Jr day..lays ripe the opportunity to speak on a couple topics I adore. Education. Youth. Love. Before I dig in …I hope any/all out there that have this day off from work give a bit of today to say, THANK YOU, Martin Luther King, Jr. for giving US all you had(including your life..) unselfishly so that we might have the freedoms we have today. I/WE appreciate YOU. …
**The above quote @”I have decided to stick with LOVE..Hate is too great a burden to bear”..is in my belief the BEST quote I’ve ever been blessed enough to read. And with all of my BEing I’m also trying to live that out loud as well. There is a beauty in those words and in that sentiment and IF only that message can truly spread like FIRE..what a different country, world even!, this would be. Can’t WE all muster UP the love within US and share it?!? I’ve got my hand held UP high. I think WE can. YES we can!
>>Last night I happened to be in attendance at a event hosted NationWide (in 400 locations…) by a predominantly Black sorority (*round of applause for the ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA SORORITY) in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr..Called a day of service for MLK,Jr. The overall message was CLEAR..Service WE must & should all be doing to educate, enlighten, and EMPOWER the youth(our future!) There was a panel(which consisted of rising Black leaders & predominant business owners/young Black CEO of a major local bank!/even a newly appointed Assistant City Manager; highly impressive panel regardless of color. Progress! There was a moderator present asking each panelist what “their” advice/suggestions/expertise based on experience was for the YOUTH and for progression for US as a community. In the audience was a group of promising youth already marked as UP and rising..I personally felt, and wished, more youth had been present. But it was a great jump start, I hope!, for the adults in the audience to GO forth and spread the message to others to reach OUT and educate, enlighten, and empower! the youth. The fact that this exact premise was also being held concurrently(same day… ) in 400 other locations across our great Nation warmed MY heart and encouraged me to continue hoping, praying! , that WE shall overcome and continue to progress for I also(like MLK, Jr.) have a dream…
**I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when my 3 beautiful, intelligent, personable, loving , educated, artistic, athletic BLACK sons(my Black princes!) will one day be judged based NOT on the color of their skin…but judged based on who they ARE. Not asking for 2 much; just asking for what ANY other mother longs for her sons. I long for a day when folks don’t fear when walking past my 3 Black sons; for they’re armed with NO weapon other than their COLLEGE DEGREE‘s. Bred & raised with nonviolence and wishing for nothing more than to aspire to their dreams!/their aspirations/their GOALS. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space in which my future grandbabies won’t be LABELED as Black, as Negro, as African-American nor have to fill out that slot on ANY form. I would love for that day to come when people are just labeled as..PEOPLE. Yes, I have a dream! On this day that just happens to also be the day when for the 2nd time in HISTORY; a Black brother is being publically sworn in as President of the United States of America..I dream that ONE day that fact won’t BE so remarkable. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when to describe people NONE of us label each other as ..The White woman that was there OR! The Black man that was there. WE are all just people…And WE all have alot more in common than different. How beautiful it IS when we just sit and chat/or vibe over the Net/or rap face 2 face and share of ourselves…I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when WOMEN of any color are compensated at the same level as MEN. (based on what they earn & rightfully deserve) I have a dream! When love brings people 2gether. And keeeeeps people 2gether. For LOVE can over-ride any division that lays between US. LOVE can conquer even what seems impossible. I believe. I believe! And I have a dream…As always folks stay UPlifted & blessed. Remember 2 count your blessings 2day and everyday. 4ever Sincere, Berna (the 1 n only)
>>I’m back ! And I’m going to wrap UP this week of leaving my carbon footprints by giving props to my eldest son. My week began busy; ended busier. (and the upcoming weekend is JAM packed) This week is ending on such a HIGH note for me..that I’ve GOT to blog about it. Hopefully my thoughts will help someone else out there to hold ON for the good happenings that this life holds for all of us…
**There once was a child born of a single mother. A child who never spoke the usual babbling which little babies speak. When he began to speak at almost 2 yrs old; those who hadn’t carried him in their womb for 9 months , thought something was wrong. His mother said he will speak when he has something to say! And when said child finally spoke he spoke in FULL sentences. WOW. An intense child and highly intellectual..from birth. Read to by his mother when still inside her womb. Loved, adored N cherished by his Mom before she ever laid eyes on him. Said son has shared his Mom’s love of reading, yea!, his entire life. Spent every summer in school since the 9th grade till now…Whose legs were so “bowed” they made his legs curve under him. He was WELL fed , lol! , and loved. Those bowed legs and lack of health insurance was the deciding factor for his Mom to leave college N join the military. As a single Mom she felt she needed a steady salary N health insurance for her son…I’m going to fast-forward through alot of this because emotions are running rampant N high this evening..
**My eldest son is the type of son that every parent DREAMS of being their eldest child! He has been N is an awesome role model for his 2 younger brothers..Yet his humility is one of the most beautiful things about him. He has faced N handled adversity in his lifetime with grace , wit, intellect, and a very matter-of-fact manner. He just makes things look SO easy! He had a self-driven desire his entire life to attain a PHD..nothing less was going to suffice. He has gone to school including summers for 17 years(including high school) He IS an academic scholar N an academian. He’s traveled & done research to South Africa & Ireland; as well as countless cities in our country for academic conferences. And tonight! he faced the Board at a prestigious University(and he is a PHD candidate there riding on a FULL fellowship) in our country and defended his proposal of his dissertation for his PHD. And after 2 hours on his very FIRST attempt..passed with flying colors! What that means 2 me as his Ma..is almost to difficult to translate into words. What that means for our direct family on both sides of our family tree..is progress! Our very first Dr._____. Proud can’t quite describe how I feeeeel tonight and have felt his entire life. This tribute is my attempt to express how I feel about my eldest son/his achievements/his humility/his love& concern for his younger 2 brothers/his remarkable REALness/his dedication of doing outreach to others considered minorities(his Masters thesis) /his love of family N his honor to his parent..his Ma..and his surrogate parents..his grandparents(my parents)
**A single parent ALWAYS worries about NOT being enough for their child. I always worried what my child was missing out on because his Father was NEVER a constant in his life ..nor has my son any recollection of what his Father even looks like. But not once has my son used that as an excuse to fail(quite the contrary he’s always been an over-achiever/honor roll student/Who’s Who in Academia while also maintaining an active social life with an array of LIFElong trusted friends) nor has he expressed feeling any loss in his life due to that being factual. His grands(my parents) stood UP and filled the gap. It has been an amazing journey..I’d like to say to ANY single parent out there the following: IF you don’t have the physical or financial support from the other parent…reach out to others you trust in your family to fill in the gap. If that isn’t possible find & interview(and do background checks) a Big Brother/Big Sister through that organization. Reach out to trusted clergy and church members. It truly takes a VILLAGE, in my opinion, to properly raise a child . By whatever legal means necessary…
~When my son came into the world my faith in GOD was hardly apparent..I brought my son(s) to Mass wanting SO badly to believe fully in GOD; yet I didn’t. BUT I so wanted to! And as I look back on nights like this when I can hardly sit stillll because I’m SO excited/happy/content/overjoyed..I can clearly SEE how the hand of GOD was in every, single part of my life. Even long before I believed. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD and a patient GOD(that waited years for me to believe…) that I’m even around to taste the beauty of my son’s victorious achievement tonight. I give ALL the glory to GOD..I was prayed UP as my son went before the board..as well as called upon friends/loved ones from coast 2 coast to form a prayer chain. I’d like to also say; single parents hold ON for as long as you do ALL you can DO with LOVE for your child..alllll the years of sacrifice! will pay off in great ways. Don’t lose hope(ever) and stand strong. And read, read, READ with and to your child..reading is truly fundamental. Try hard never to use the word never with your child. Encourage them to reach for their dreams; even if their dream seems impossible. Be their cheerleader! I’m writing this tribute to my son tonight because he is SO humble he won’t pat himself on the back. So I am doing it for him! Years N years N years of hard work ..I’ve watched you (even from afar) with awe as you never buckled..just kept driving onward and forward. You’ve done things I dreamt for myself long ago…and now I feeeeeel like a part of me has accomplished that dream. The part of me that is YOU. Many Congrats my Dr. Son! I love you always N always, Ma…
Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of Medgar Evers (Michael Caulfield/Wire Image/Getty Images)
Medgar Evers’ widow to deliver inauguration prayer: President Obama has chosen Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of slain civil rights icon Medgar Evers, to deliver the invocation at his public swearing-in later this month, the Washington Post reports. This will be the first time a woman, and a layperson rather than a clergy member, has been chosen to perform the invocation.
item by Jenée Desmond-Harris via theroot.com
**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.
**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..
**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?” N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus, his reply is NO. I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one of the biggest mistakes WE as women do/or can make. From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that he is NOT the one. RUN.
**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…
**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”
**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.
For the most part last year I winged IT! Luckily , for me the year ended up being a pretty progressive one..One in which I had a loose plan set for myself. But had I strategically planned from the onset of 2012..the year for me would’ve been even more progressive N productive. So, since I can’t rewind time what I can DO is make a plan for this year NOW. I’m trying a totally new concept. A concept to help me better focus on my goals N streamline my efforts. A plan for goal-getting instead of goal-setting. To test this concept one has to choose words that encompass their entire plan. I want to begin to finally! practice brevity this year..so I’m choosing only 4 words. Or going to attempt to. Here are my 4(four) words for this concept of goal-getting for me in..2013.
1. SLEEP= I’ve GOT to focus on getting more sleep. I sleep well..very much so. Deeply. And I’m asleep almost literally before my head hits the pillow! However, when I finally sit still..its all she wrote! Mayhaps because my active regime + the energy amping glowing green smoothie= turbo speed so much that it isn’t allowing me to want to sleep. Bottom line is though it isn’t healthy to be sleep deprived. And being that I’m growing more health conscious by the day; its time to practice it in all ways. #1 word for me in 2013 is overwhelmingly ..sleep.
2. LOVE=There is a ton of love in my life/my world/my heart/my being. The type of love I’m referring to right now is regarding a love life. I have none right now! Not only that I’m going to have 2 make time for one(& start at least dating) …I’ve been busy! And have even more I’ve got on my 2do list for 2013. I was recently told though that sometimes being too busy isn’t setting the stage for my “the one” to find me. So since I’ve self professed this year as the one I’ll allow myself to finally fall IN love again; I’m making it a priority. Thus it earns the #2 spot on my words for 2013.
3. EDUCATION=This is a close runner UP for the #2 spot on my list. I’d planned on heading back 2 college in 2013 midway into 2012. I’m on schedule to do just that. School selected. Field selected. Enrolled. All I’m waiting on now is the start of the semester.
4. COLLABORATE=I’ve got alot I want 2 accomplish. Alot of ideas…Some I can attain by myself. Some I’ll need to find & select people who can help to accomplish. (and finish creating the format) With proper networking, which I’ve already begun to work on here, this should fall into place soon.
**So those are my 4 words to assist me in reaching my goals/resolutions I set for 2013. Sleep*Love*Education*Collaborate. Anyone out there want to share what yours are? Lets rap…
I saw this prompt on WordPress this morning N could hardly believe my eyes! A chance to write, solicited, about my journey of Faith. A journey which spans an entire lifetime, mine, N a myriad of phases. From wannaBbeliever/attending Mass all the while over the years, yet not feeeeeeeling IT/starting 2 grasp IT/seeking 2 fully believe/Believer in every bone of my body and HUNGRY to learn more N more. Going to take a few moments to gather my thoughts so that my keystrokes can relay what I’d like to share. ^2 B Continued Soon^
Where do I begin a topic such as Faith? A topic that has become so very personal 2 me that I’m excited just being about 2 write about IT. Saying that, keystroking it rather, still amazes me because a mere 5 years ago I’d not have felt such excitement over the topic of Faith. I was IN a different time N space then. A different mindset. And yet, I’ve been LED to right where I am now. The here N now. Present in the moment N oh! so content , pleased, HAPPY, to B in this moment. Any1 who has known me for a decent length of time knows that is a miracle inofitself…
I can not promise this will B a post of brevity. But I can promise it will B sincere N hope it is received as such. Never do I profess to be an expert in anything..though I’m experienced in ALOT ..I possess a PHD in life. From extreme moments of joy 2 being down in valleys so deeeeeep I didn’t think I’d make it out..alive. Real talk. There once was a time I didn’t think I’d live to see 50 yrs of age. There once was a time I did NOT want to live to see the age of 50 yrs of age. There once was a time my own actions /feelings were indicative that I didn’t like myself very much. And yet by my outward appearance people thought I loved ME. But on the inside I was lost…a part of my inner being was murdered when I was a teen. An action that even my own Daddy couldn’t *stop* from happening to ME..and yet here I stand on the brink of making IT to 50 yrs of age. I am in AWE of that and that is tough! to express to people. So I no longer try…I just AM . Trying to live UP to my GOD given purpose. Far from that goal yet I’m so very , very much closer than I ever have been in my life. And you know what? I just feeeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOD about 99% of the time! Real talk. Alive, vibrant, and leaping out of bed each day @O’dark thirty hours eager! to start each new day. I say all of this to attempt to express to ya’ll how very GOOD that my GOD is allll the time. I’d not have wasted these keystrokes to say such personal things if not trying to show you just how FAR my GOD has brought ME..through things I didn’t think I’d ever make it through. Once something I yearned to believe IN(because those I loved dearly@my parents believed so strongly…) and now? I believe so strongly that at times the feeling of goodness feeeeeels so good I get overwhelmed. Ever felt something that good? So good it scared you? And yet even that scared feeling of butterflies about to burst out of your tummy felt good?!? That is how I feel most of the time now…I can’t properly describe it any other way.
After experiencing a very unexpected spiritual awakening in a state I’d lived in & loved! since 1989..I found MYself led, guided, to move cross country. 2 beginning anew. At 48 yrs of age…I was simply put, terrified to do that! Yet everything happening was urging me/gently pushing me towards making such a bold move. I was afraid to do it. I was afraid not to do it. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll as it still 2 this day makes 2 me. Shortly after relocating cross country I was fortunate enough to attend my very 1st(but certainly not my last..) National Black Catholic Conference in Indianapolis with my parents & new church friends. AND MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED. Over a period of 4 days I for the 1st time in my life felt I belonged NOT just to the religion I’d been a part of since birth..but I began to feel remarkably different. I began to see things differently. I began to say things differently. It happened so suddenly! I had begun to believe in GOD fully and almost overnight. Not forced nor reaching to believe as I had my entire 40 some odd years…Bam! I believed. My life, the years past of my life/events of my life/people who had entered my life/circumstances that happened in my life/…began to rewind in my mind. Over days N days..as IF someone was playing a movie of MY life. I couldn’t STOP it..seriously thought I was losing my dang mind. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not even my Mom. Sounded far too crazy to try to explain..or did IT?
My entire outlook on things changed..Instead of feeling sorry for MYself about things I’d left behind..Stead of lamenting about people /loved ones! I couldn’t see daily(that I missed as if it were the AIR I had to breathe..) I threw myself head 1st into becoming the type of person I so admired. I began to WORK on tweaking/changing every facet of myself that I did not care for. Tough job to do at almost 50 yrs of age…I didn’t consult anyone. But I began to PRAY for guidance. I simply had a chat with GOD N asked him to please let me seeeeee the me that everyone else loves! Let me begin to love…ME. Heal me from things that happened long ago that were NOT within my control. Allow me to learn to lose the tight, oh so tight! control, I have held over my heart. Let me live life to the potential I know you’ve plotted out for me since before my conception. And then! I realized I was talking to GOD..and I fully believed he was hearing me. Just so happened the exact way I just wrote it. I became a full believer without the least amount of effort. A process of things over a lifetime brought me..here. So I’ve decided that it must’ve ALL been a part of HIS plan. That had my life happened any other way I simply wouldn’t have gotten IT. Once I was so very blind; but now I see EVERYthing so clearly. I kid you not. N I’m as serious as I’ve ever been about anything.
Now? I’m like a sponge. I am on a personal pilgrimage..Still journeying to get closer to my GOD. So much I’ve yet to learn . I don’t confess to have Bible scriptures memorized. Nor do I profess to be a perfect Christian. I am NOT a perfect anything. I am just me..the one and only creation of what my God created me to B. I don’t even long to be perfect! I think that would make me boring as heck…What am I? I am perfectly imperfect.
I’ll leave ya’ll with this final thought. Fear not if you don’t yet believe 100%…just wanting to believe is a start! WE are ALL loved children of GOD..whether we believe or not. This is what I feel. This is what I’ve come to know. And if we just stop trying to follow our OWN will N let HIS will for us B and go with the flow when we are LED by him…life gets SO much easier! I stress and worry so much less than I used 2..that is yet another miracle! inofitself. Not saying I don’t still worry about things; but its FAR less than I used to. Progress…for Rome wasn’t built in a day. And it is ridiculous to think anything, including a person, especially one almost 50 lol! would change totally overnight…but I’m getting closer. I am WISER. I am STRONGER. I am SO much better than I used 2 B. Can’t ask for much more than that. And? If it can happen to me, and I can assure you my words R true, it can/WILL happen to anyone. You if you want it 2. All you have to do is ..BELIEVE. Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count each and every one of your blessings 2day N every day. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
From now till the New Year comes in I figure we might as well have some fun with our list of New Year resolutions..Yep, most of us have them! But the question IS will YOU keep your promises to yourself? Hmmmm I’ve got to admit 2012 was one of the very 1st years I kept every single resolution/self vow/& goal I made for myself for the year. And kicking off the list for 2013’s New Year resolutions for me IS..staying FIT. Be back shortly to have fun with this topic…
Alright going to have to complete this topic in increments..doing alot on this end due to holiday prep..BUT I promise 2 things. I’ll finish this segment AND hopefully can give ya’ll some good TIPS on how to begin & more importantly KEEP a good fitness routine UP..Cause any of us can “say” we’re going to get fit, right? But with oh so busy schedules of holding down an 8-5 M-F, plus church activities, other random projects ..i.e..extra work projects , reading, socializing, writing!, family time, gardening, chores, routine dr. appts, ..I’ve found I had to MAKE time to exercise and eat right…but if I can do it, which I can assure you I did..anyone can do IT. I worked hard this entire year to “tweak” my physical being..from the inside out. (and mind you I wasn’t overweight when I began…) With 50 yrs of age rushing upon me I decided I am/will B the best dang(translation dayum!) >50< I can possibly B. From head 2 toe. Inside N Out. I took it one day at a time, without any direction from anyone else..just winged IT. Final result? Well, I lost so much weight so quickly my pants were literally falling off me! Real talk (thankfully my GodMom can sew awesomely well and tailored my clothes for me, whew!..bummer about losing weight is the high cost of clothes replacement) Loving what I see in the mirror N just as important I feeeeel great. Probably better than I did in my 20s. Now I’m just trying to maintain the size I am because if I lose 1 more inch or pound I’ll loooook anorexic..and that isn’t cool, nor healthy, N is not the look I want. So lets see if I can break this down for ya’ll soon as I come back I’m going to dive INto this topic. Oh, the pressure LOL . Had special requests for this topic so hope I can deliver..
First things first! And , in my opinion, and from my experience first STEP in doing anything..is deciding one wants to do something. Mentally picturing the final result. And figuring out what it takes 2 get..there. Then exerting extreme will power and DISCIPLINE to attain that end result. That is what I did 2 go from being “just in shape” to being totally fit. My doctor has co-signed on that by the way..I’ve no health issues nor health concerns. Just had full lab work to confirm . No meds nor need for meds. For anything. What I do take, as I have for the past 35 yrs. is a multivitamin a day. A really good one for women 50 yrs & UP..I also take a probiotic packet every day(which I began taking almost 6 months ago when I began drinking a raw veggie smoothie. ) I also take a all natural Ginseng capsule every day(which I’ve done for 20 yrs) I also take a fish oil capsule every single day. Also I gave UP my love of Diet Pepsi a few years back.(now I drink no carbonated drinks at all) I drink ALOT and I mean alot of water. Gave up drinking alcohol socially about 10 years back. Desire of mine to be healthy from the inside out is very strong…
First, I started walking. Alot! I was new to the state N didn’t yet have friends here so I began walking by myself..Fast walking almost the pace of a light jog. During very hot months I was walking at O’dark thirty hours. Sometimes on weekends while it was still hot outside I’d walk the full length of the mall. I still do alot of walking during my work lunch breaks at the mall, alot! The great thing as the added bonus is I love window shopping N shopping ..So anyways what needs to be remembered is walking is a fantastic way to drop pounds! Add scenery to the walk and fave music on your Iphone/Ipod(I don’t walk without my tunes..) and you can add the miles up quickly. What also counts is every , single step one takes during the day..so its good to remember that while at work in an office environment to add walking/climbing steps(when possible). Instead of clicking to email coworkers; try getting UP to walk to deliver the message from timetotime. Long prolonged periods of sitting make ones’ fanny spread! And again, each step one takes during the day adds UP ..After months of walking last year and amping my pace UP..I began to jog. Now I’m up to a full run for short distances and alternate with fast jog in between.
Next, figure out what type of exercise routine you want to take on…I started off slowly. I knew I needed to add to my walking routine; so I began with morning situps, squats, dumbbell arm workouts…Was important to me to get my arms firm/toned/slight muscle definition again. Got it now! But it took consistent working out and slowly adding more to my routine. I’m up early in the mornings so its the best time of the day for me to do most of my exercise routine. Total morning work out time is about an hour. Now though I’ve also added a mini work out in the evenings..I’m working on defining different parts of my body now and I do a section every other night. All it takes is about 20 mins every evening. My suggestion to anyone starting fresh with exercise is FIRST check with your Doc. Don’t do anything new without first doing that…then slowly add little by little to your routine. As you see results it will get SO goood to you it will motivate you to..continue. Or least it did with me. Motivation is key in my opinion. And also always keep in the background of your mind what you want your end result to loooook like…that will keep driving you and driving you.
Next, out of the blue the introduction of a raw veggie drink called, The Glowing Green Smoothie, entered my life! And all I can say about the results is WOW. And WOW one ‘mo time. See a full description and explanation in the post I did couple nights ago called ‘Berna’s Book Reviews’..the book the recipe for the smoothie comes from is called ‘The Beauty Detox Solution’ N I’m living proof it works IF you work it. It is a drink I’ll make & drink for the rest of my life. Energy level is amped way UP..I feeeeel as if I could climb tall mountains! (and I was already a naturally hyper person so can you imagine after this veggie smoothie??? OMG..energy galore) My oily acne prone skin(which I’ve had my entire life) is absolutely GLOWING. I can’t think of another word for it..so muchso that there are times I don’t wear make UP because I don’t want to cover my skin up. Yep, this smoothie and its results has been that gooooood 2 me and for me. Imagine every day getting an instant shot of about a cazillion vitamins???? That is the best way I can describe being on this smoothie for the past 6 months…
The bottom line is for all of us eating well & exercising should rightfully B a part of our daily routine. Earlier we implement such a plan, and stick 2 it!, it becomes so routine that it doesn’t seem like alot of things to recall or DO. It isn’t about being on diet after diet after diet(which btw has an awful impact on a womans’ body..) in my opinion we have to learn to make eating right/exercising daily a part of our lifestyle. IF we can do that it won’t be something that we have to add to our list of New Years resolutions year after year after year! Lets hope from this day forth that our resolutions from here on out will B to…stay FIT/maintain our fitness/and strive to consistently improve on a great foundation. Ready? Get set…GO
Disclaimer: Any and all thoughts I ever write/say are entirely based on “my” thoughts/feelings/beliefs..For the sake of this post I am NOT saying that having GOD back in schools would’ve stopped what happened recently in Newton from happening. I understand it could’ve happened anywhere..however what I do “feel” is that it couldn’t hurt matters overall. And I stand by that feeling/thought/belief…
As the days draw nearer to CHRISTmas my thoughts/emotions/feelings rest more N more on the meaning behind this season…I love this time of year! Have since I was a very little girl..funny how even as we mature, age, evolve there are still core elements about us that never change. That though is one of the many beautiful things about life.
WE find ourselves in a time N place in which one has to be careful in so many ways..How we dress; as to not incite unfavorable opinions of us. What we eat; so we don’t ruin our health. What we say from our lips AND how we say things to others. And even how we address people when wishing them well wishes about this current season…Well, I’m old skool and will be until the day I leave this lifetime. Know what that means? It means for ME this season will always B as it should rightfully B…CHRISTmas. Why, has it become such a time in our history in which folks wish N choose to change SO many things? And now! think they can also change the VERY things in which created them..
God has been taken out of schools and YET folks wonder why the youth are doing CRAZY things. I can’t even begin to talk abut the recent “incident” yet that took the lives of 20 young children..But the person who made that come about was still very young. It IS time to go back 2 the very things that brought us into existence in the first place. I , for one, am NOT going to NOT say Merry CHRISTmas. It is literally a crying shame one has to worry about wishing someone something GOOD. Now we have to worry about how to re-phrase or phrase even that..OMG. And yes, oh MY God. I am a believer. 24/7.. There was a time N place, sure as I’m sitting here typing this, that I thought! I lived in world where everyone , at the least, believed in God. Or wanted to believe there was a God. Yep, I was once that very young and naive.
“”But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” I John 1:9..
Jesus was born so that one day the price would be paid for the things we have done that are wrong. God sacrificed his ONLY son for us! THAT is what the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas is. When I think about that; I mean when I reallly, really think about that@sacrificed his only son. I’ve got 3 sons. 3 beautiful, Black, smart, personable, intelligent sons that I’d literally do ANYthing for without a moments’ hesitation. Would I? Could I? I’d like to think I would; but would I sacrifice even having THREE sons for the good of all mankind? As I sit here now even re-pondering that for the upteenth time …truth is I don’t think so. Why? Because in my realm of think; my scope of thinking…I just can’t give any of my 3 sons up. To or for anything. Period. So even more so reason for me and all of US to be thankful that God did that for US. I think about stuff like that nowadays…there was a time I didn’t. I used to be one of those people out there running AROUND till the very, and I mean very! last minute buying and buying and trying to buy more gifts and gifts and gifts and gifts and gifts to give. And for what????? So that we could ALL be broke or worrried about being broke AFTERwards??? How does that even come remotely close to what the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas is? It simply does not. Not when I was doing it and not NOW….Bottom line IS we are loved children of GOD. He loved us SO much he sacrificed his ONLY son for us. No matter what is happening to us in our lives right here N now..no matter we may miss our sons who can’t be here..or any other loved one we wish we could spend this holiday with…WE know we’re loved children of God. WE are never alone and always, always loved unconditionally. Just knowing/feeeeeeeeling that should bring us inner JOY and PEACE N then we’ve got to share it with others. I just attempted to do that with my words right here and now. I wish ya’ll a very, very, merry CHRISTmas. Stay uplifted , encouraged and BLESSED..and remember 2 count your blessings 2day and everyday…4ever sincere Berna(the one N only)
~~IT’S THE SIMPLE THINGS
WHEN THINKING OF WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST
MY MATERIAL “THANGS” DON’T EVEN COME CLOSE
THANKFUL EACH N EVERY MORNING I OPEN MY EYES
EAGERLY I RUN OUTSIDE TO WATCH THE SUNRISE!
NATURES’ WONDERS..ONE OF GOD’S SWEETEST GIFTS
DOESN’T COST A SINGLE DIME
STOPPING 2 SMELL THE ROSES IS PART OF MY DAILY GRIND
THOSE LITTLE PLEASURES THAT EXCITE ME TILL I’M ON FULL
HAS TAUGHT ME 2 NOT SWEAT SMALL STUFF~NO TIME 4 BULL
A DAILY CALL FROM MY MOMMA IS A PURE DELIGHT
OR DADDY BUZZING ME..
JUST 2 MAKE SURE MY HEADS’ STILL SCREWED ON TIGHT
USED TO TAKE THESE THINGS FOR GRANTED
BEFORE MY FEET WERE FIRMLY PLANTED
NOW HIGH ON MY LIST OF ADORATIONS
R MY SONS MANY “TEXT” ABBREVIATIONS..
“U’RE ON MY MIND MOMS N I LUV U”
CAN QUICKLY FLIP MY MOOD WHEN I’M BLUE
OH ITS THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS
THAT MY PUREST JOY CLINGS
FEELING SO HECKOFA AWESOME IN MY OWN SKIN
KNOW XACTLY WHERE I’M HEADED N WHERE I’VE BEEN
AS EACH NEW DAY IS BORN COMES A NEW OPPORTUNITY
TO SHARE LOVE N LAUGHTER~WHILST PROMOTING UNITY
*PRICELESS AND IRREPLACEABLE THINGS THAT MONEY CAN’T BUY*~~An Original Berna Creation , Jan 2010
I recently, very, had a conversation with someone N I said.” I AM a complex, multidimensional person. I AM a person who is a compilation of ALL that I’ve been thru/experienced since birth till now N survived. Years back I thought I wouldn’t live to see 50 yrs of age and yet! here I AM knocking on the door of 50 yrs of age. Having lived thru some things the average person may not have survived. N yet! I think I AM an average person trying to do extraordinary things. I feeeel I AM different & uniquely created to be ME” And their response was, “But is that good way 2 describe yourself to someone who doesn’t yet fully know you?” My response. “I think it is, because it is makes UP who I am. And it is the TRUTH as I see it because I know MYself”.. I mean sure it would have “sounded” better to say I’m a simple person with simple needs; or would it?? Personally? I don’t know that I care to spend much time around people who are simply “simple”. And yet I guess it would depend on what ones’ definition of simple IS. After all I’ve lived long enough to discover that as individuals we can often times have different descriptions of things. Sometimes altering definitions to our own circumstance or situation. Yep, I’m having some deep thoughts this morning and trying to work through it doing what I love best..writing it out. So please bear with what I’m almost certain will be a ton of run-on sentences. Understand that is how quickly my thoughts are flowing, in every way possibly imagined, and I’m just thankful I can type @ 90 wpm to keep UP with my…..thoughts. So anywayz as I sat to write at my usual Odark thirty time frame I found myself yearning for what I said I’d work on getting to a couple years ago. Simple things. I dug up this poem I wrote over 2 years ago to prove to myself I had indeed come to a time N place in life that I yearned to appreciate , Simple Things. I want to get back 2 that and have promised MYself this morning that I’d take a minute to reflect on this week N the simply beautiful things I’m thankful for.
And so earlier this week I took “time” to call my EXmominlaw on her birthday. A woman who has meant & does mean so much 2 me. She stills calls me daughter and I still call her my 2nd Momma….I made sure I called her during my lunch break so it would be early her time. California time. I did not want a good part of the day , her day!, to go by without personally wishing her a happy Bday. Simple things like that matter 2 me..the little things that say I care! I could’ve sent a card. Or a gift card. Or flowers. But I wanted to actually hear her voice. In a world in which I feel has become less N less personalized I still strive to give personal parts of me to loved ones. And it is what I yearn for in return. But anywayz I called her. Her joy in me calling on HER bday was tangible. I could feeeeel and hear it thru the phone. It was warm! It was sincere. IT was genuine. And I let her talk..I was straining to hear her as I dodged people in a crowded Mall frantically trying to get to the food court because I was starving! Yet, there both of us were. Connected, thank God, by a cell phone connection that I thanked my lucky stars didn’t disconnect. Gotta love Verizon! As I listened to this woman talk who I’m no longer connected to legally ..Who has known me and I her for over 23 yrs..A woman who tho I’m no longer with her son LOVES/ADORES me I realized how much of a blessing that IS. For here is a person who has seen me grow N grow, watched my sons grow N grow, and herself grown N grown…and the love is sooooo strong it can be felt thru a cell phone connection. It warmed my day to warm her day! 2 spend TIME with her even tho there were a ton of people around me in that Mall and I struggled to hear her. We both gained a mutual satisfaction from that “simple” phone call. And yet when I called I was just calling to make sure I gave her what she deserves. A personal phone call instead of an ecard/card/flowers/gift card/plant/or expensive gift sent in the mail. I gave her something far more priceless and gained from it MYself. WOW. To give a little bit of oneself totally for another can result in a warm, fuzzy feeeeeeling for the giver. Go figure! And so even though I recently find MYself pondering if and when I’ll truly have TIME to invest in a lifemate that I so desire should he come crashing suddenly into my world…I think in working thru those thoughts as I, write, that someway somehow! I’ll find the time..I want to leave U and myself with that final thought on this topic. Lets find the TIME 2day to simply spend time with those we love and care about. Period. Til I write again stay UPlifted N always remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one n only)
NOT going 2 give any teasers , clues or hints with this 1..You’ll just have 2 wait 2 see what is on my mind ..Stay tuned because it only gets better from here.. *HOT TOPIC COMING SOON..It is O’dark thirty Saturday morn N I can’t resist the urge 2..write..
>>”**The most beautiful people we know are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deeeeep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen…** Quote from Elizabeth Kubler Ross>>
I ran across the above quote somewhere I was reading (I read everything & anything..) a few months back and found it SO deeeeep I had to keep it/save it/reflect on it..I’ll get back 2 it but for now lets move on. Deep alert though because I can feel it coming.
About a month or so ago I had the opportunity to hear an OUTstanding motivational speaker! Petite in stature N yet her words resonated in a HUGE way. As I sat there in an audience of my coworkers I kept loooooking around wondering IF her words/her message! was hitting H*O*M*E with any1 else as it was with ME..Ever wonder things like that??? Mayhaps that is just part of me being me, lol! Here I was sitting there, totally captivated by her words..and yet wondering am I the ONLY one getting this? Let me explain a little what her presentation was about and why..
Her presentation was simply about IMAGE. It was about our company desiring/commanding that it(including its employees) to BE exactly what the company is. In every possible way. The company I am OVERjoyed (have I said for the upteenth time I loveeeeeee my job?!?) to be a part of wants to reflect a mark of excellence. The company I work for wants its’ mission statement to resound loudly/smoothly via its employees dress/behavior 24 hrs a day/and of course in their job performance. Enough so they hired a motivational speaker to come speak to ALL of us. Wow..who wouldn’t want to work for a company that is willing to do that?! I’ve got my hand held UP high..but anywayz trying to STOP from digressing. So there I was one person sitting at the very, very back of the large room as this speaker was giving her oral & powerpoint show. And somewhere near the middle of her presentation it hit me. Ephipany! For all of my life but especially the past 15 months that IS what I’ve been doing..hoping that my words/actions reflect the love & light that I feeeeeel inside. For those that might not be following I’ve flipped the script to translate to SELF image.
Do others see YOU as you wish to be viewed by others? Are YOU actually the type of person you desire to BE? Do your words/actions reflect 2 others what YOU wish? Do YOU assume others see you as you wish; or have YOU asked them if you do? Hmmmmm let me dig a little deeper if I may..Do YOU care if others feel what the intent of your words are ? (N for the record I’ve always asked MYself all these same questions & nope I don’t answer myself LOL..thank you GOD for letting me have majority of my marbles still at almost, 50) Isn’t it important to reflect in words/actions/what we WEAR to the outside world? Before I go any further all of these questions are highly important to me. Totally in every , single way imaginable. Period.
For instance: IF you see someone dressed in firemans’ outfit; wouldn’t you expect them to come running if you yell out FIRE! On the flip side of that coin..if you see someone dressed in flip-flops, a bikini, and a beach ball ; wouldn’t you expect them to be heading to the beach? So, on a professional front should not our dress reflect a business savvy look? I mean is that NOT just something that need-not-even-be-expressed-to-folks-that-are-working-in-an-office-setting?!? And YET these dayz we must have very detailed dress codes. My question is WHY???? Because as I expressed at the very presentation I mentioned above EVERY single day I walk out of my home door I know I first represent my family..and not just MYself. Which means when YOU or anyone else views me physically I’m representing:my parents/my sons/my deceased grandparents/all of my deceased ancestors/all of my living relatives/MYself. That is how I look at myself every morning I wake up and depart to where ever I’m headed..Even if I go to the grocery store I’m NOT going out in furry, floppy house slippers and a shower cap. I mean , really?? I’ve seeeeen that. OMG. I bet their ancestors are doing flip-flops in their graves…Certainly folks weren’t taught this style of dress. Or were they? Know where I think it all goes back to? SELF ESTEEM. Which is why , in my hearts of hearts, I still think it is highly, and I mean highly!, important that children in their “primary years” are LOVED/taught&showed that they’re special/encouraged!/and R stroked emotionally in positive ways. There is NO substitute for that…and it is something that will impact that child 4 ever 4 their entire life. For as much as I believe in a persons’ right to express themselves as they please(and I do believe in that…) there is a time N place for some of certain types of self-expression. Right? I might feeeeel like expressing myself by BEing in the most natural state. Naked. But can I go to work like that? I think not! Well not if I want to be employed…
Moving right along..What are WE reflecting in our words/actions/dress 2 our children? Hmmmm…for those that feel it is alright to self-express themselves dressed inappropriately! do they not realize their children are WATCHING & LEARNING from them? For any1 that has been a parent for a longggg arse time(and I qualify my eldest is 30 yrs of age…WOW) knows that children learn MORE from what we do; than from what we say. Just IS the way it ’tis..So , for instance. I’ll use me as an example. Don’t I qualify as a hypocrit if I tell my sons do NOT text and drive N yet they catch me doing IT? I stand guilty as charged..I’m queen of texts! I am physically having to break myself from the addiction of texting while driving. I used to have that bad..very. Caught myself several times with my head down when I was still in Cali..texting! That is not just UNcool it is not smart nor is it responsible! We can take that example and insert it into the space available________for a host of things I’m sure of it. But what we can DO is change the negative things. BEginning 2day…but first one has to first admit they can improve. I believeeeeee that is the case with any1 N anything. I have a host of simply outstanding loved ones and friends..and yet NONE of them are perfect. I for sure KNOW I am not perfect(and personally I think if I was I’d be boring but thats another topic for another time…)
Bottom line IS if it matters 2 YOU that you reflect to others what you perceive YOURself as..work on it! Daily. I can personally attest to the fact that it IS possible. I’ve come to the realization that I am not changing who I am(I don’t want to do that) but at almost 50 I am working ON smoooooothing out the rough edges. I’m my own worst critic; always have been. My Daddy has told me that for years & years & years! Toooook all those years for me to realize he was right. Lolll lawd. Now that I’m no longer my own worst enemy (I’m now my own very, very BESTest friend..) I work diligently and consistently on moi. I’m also open to positive criticism from my loved ones/extended family of friends..I’m sensitive! though and they know to give it to me with a spoooonful of sugar. All except for my Daddy. LOL . We all have those people we know are going to be straight-shooters in our lives. Don’t you? Well I do and its my beloved Daddy. When I want to know the down & dirty answer/black with NO sugar/on-the-rocks answer to something; my Daddy is my go-to person. Hands down..I loveeeee that I have that! And that it is someone who loves ME and would kill a rock over me. Yep, he has told me that since I was a very little girl…
I feel if we work on our self image in a positive manner IT can impact every aspect of our lives! Can impact our children. Who we attract as spouses/significant others. The type of job we can land by how we interview & conduct ourselves on the work front. Who we attract as friends…But most important(nope , I can’t leave this out) IF we call ourselves Christians..should we NOT try with-all-our-might to mirror the love & light of our creator???? At the beginning and end of each day that is honestly what I *now* think about when I think of who I am/what I reflect/the words that come out of my mouth/my actions. Real talk…I’m going to leave ya’ll with that as my last expressed thought in this write. As always I hope/pray my “words” have had a positive impact on you in some small way. Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n ONLY)
Any1 who knows/loves me knows I make the BIG 5*0 this coming July 4th..Yep, firecracker for sure out the gate. N though I’m not yet quite 50 yrs old I’m ready 2 talk about the anticipation of making IT. Almost there should qualify me as able to speak on it or least thats the way I see IT. Another 1 to stay tuned for N it will be well worth the wait..~Coming Soon but not soon enough..~Alright I’m back! N going to let the words/my vibe flow..
Listening to Quincy Jones Ultimate Collection & for younger folks reading this that translates to REAL MUSIC..Hope ya’ll go retro sometimes with your music selections 2 truly enjoy how gooood music used to be. But anywayz onto the topic at hand. I’m going to try to properly express why I (a) HATE when I hear the term@50 is the new 40s or even 30s(what the heck?) (b) why knocking on 50 yrs of age doesn’t suck.
WHY is it that people simply can’t enjoy the NOW? As IF being in the “right here N now” is a bad thing! Oh, but how I’ve personally evolved(and am still evolving..) since my 20s. Lawd only knows! (as do my parents /loved ones/including 2 friends who have known me for 20 plus years) For I cried, literally, the entire day of my 29th birthday. As If somehow that was going to stop me from turning 30. I felt such a sense of loss leaving my 20s behind…and yet now? I wonder with awe how I could’ve been so terribly naive and afraid of aging. Now? I’m doing my very DA*Mdest to age with grace…gently gliding into the next phase of my life journey. 50! An entire 5 decades older. Half a century…WOW. When I was in my teens 30 was OLD. When I was in my 20s 40 was OLD. Now that I’m on the very doorstep of 50..it just IS. Its not OLD. Its not over-the-hill either(hate that phrase too!) It simply just IS the next phase I’m moving onto. The things that I cherish now are the very same things I took for granted in my 20s..I’m more appreciative of simple things now. Like the mere fact BOTH of my parents are alive N well. I am STILL 2 this day learning from my parents(take note of that younger folks…) As independent-mode-minded as I went crashing out into the outside world from home at almost 20 yrs of age..I! never would’ve thought 1 day I’d stilllll be learning from my parents at dang near 50. Soaking UP their wisdom/experience like one would sopp up gravy with a biscuit(don’t ya’ll do that?? I do…) I’m guessing 1 of the benefits of making it to 50 is learning that one NEVER stops learning. Once-upon-a-time I was naive enough(the audacity of being youthful/young!) to think I knew it ALL. Pfft. Still 2 this day I don’t know it all; and thank God(& my lucky stars) I finally came to that realization.
50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. Period. N yep, big ole exclamation mark. The beauty of making it to 50 is finally feeeeeling the freeeedom to say what I truly feel. Still try to say it with RESPECT(for thats part of my nature..) however, there was a time I was such a people-pleaser(still am in alot of ways) that I’d worry about how they’d feeeel if I said what was really on my mind. NOT anymore. Now? If you don’t want 2 know my true opinion please do NOT ask me a question. An outstanding brother & lifetime friend of mine once taught me”Never ask a question that you don’t want the answer to” Hmmm lets think about that for a minute. WHY do people ask questions yet their hair is blown back when we answer HONESTLY? Don’t they really want to know our thoughts when they ask us a question? Most times I’ve found folks really don’t…But thats their problem; not the person they ask the question of. Or least thats the way I see it now. Personally I’ve learned in my almost 50(yep FIFTY) years is I learn SO much when I ask questions N usually I ask them of people who can give me a sound/experienced answer. I’m thirsty for knowledge still at this age! Its almost as if I’ve reverted back to the primary years in the amount of “stuff” that I am soaking up. From every angle, direction, resource..including from other folks behavior/actions/words. IF there is anything “new” about turning 50 for me it is that . In my 20s & 30s I thought I knew it all so I could’ve honestly cared less to seeeeek others out for knowledge. I felt I was getting that from books..(I’m a lifelong avid reader) How much I thought I knew and in reality knew so little..
Again, 50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. And inofitself that is a beautiful thing! Personally? As fit as I was in my 20s & 30s I feeeeeel better physically NOW then I have in my entire life. And thats a mouthful folks…I might not be able to climb tall mountains; but I dang sure feel like I can! I didn’t reach my peak like some people do in their 40s..I am there right NOW. N I’ve not even reached the top of the wave yet..In surfer-dude terms I’m riding the waveeeeee. And I am attempting to DO all I said I was going to do waybackinmy20s. Finally! 2 be able 2 have finally arrived at that point, this phase, is for me “almost” too overwhelming to even try to describe in words. It IS that good 2 me. I could give some advice now to the younger folks reading this. I could try to explain what they’ve got to loooook forward 2 at 50 yrs of age. But honestly? I feel everyone’s experience is different. As different as we are as individuals so are our life experiences. And how we perceive our life experiences..I will say this. 2 anyone reading this but especially those generations behind me. ENJOY every moment of your life! Realize early on that every single, day! is a gift to YOU from GOD. Don’t take it for granted even though in our youth taking things for granted IS what alot of us do…including me. Listen!/learn/respect your parents always…their love/support will sustain you for LIFE. Remember as you become parents that parenthood is a LIFElong committment. It never ends…And take ALOT of pictures of your children when you bear children..for they’ll grow faster than you want them to. GET your education so that you’ll be armed to support yourself and your dreams. Surround yourself always with people you admire/respect/have good morals/make sound judgements. Walk away from people who yearn to pull you down or away from your goals. Gain an early knowledge/regard/honor to the Father that created YOU. And sustain that relationship throughout your entire life. It is the ONE relationship in your life you can’t do without..N last but not least LOVE,LOVE,LOVE and LOVE hard and deeeeply! Starting with YOURself..for love is the true meaning/basis of what life on this earth is about. Or least that is my most sincere and heartfelt feelings on that matter..
Finally 50 is 50. Its a beginning of a different phase of life for me. A phase I’m very cognizant of N that I look 4ward to with the energy N joy of a small child on CHRISTmas morning! If there is anything new about turning 50 it is my new appreciation of every facet of life. I’m looking back alot less these dayz. Looking backwards will cause one to fall down N I’ve no intention of doing anything except standing firmly and moving ONward and UPward. I’ve yet 2 reach the max of my God given purpose. I’m far from finished..When I do reflect on the past 5 decades I reflect on the beautiful memories! The THREE beautiful, Black, young , gifted, intelligent, artistic, brothers I helped to create & co raise. My Black Princes for life…I reflect alot on their smiling childish faces, their 1st steps!, their 1st haircut, teaching them how 2 drive, studying with them till wee hours of the morning hours, watching them play an array of sports, attending PTA meetings for their success/joining school boards for their success/watching them play in bands/watching them accept honor roll awards yr after yr after yr/experiencing their mishaps WITH them/listening to their 1st love stories/driving them 2 their 1st college and having to leave them there..OMG that was tough for me../watching them with PRIDE graduate from high school and college after college after college..progress!..50 is 50 for a reason. To begin anew & fresh and leave the bad memories behind. Finally! To take all the lessons we learned from our mis-steps and realize God 4gives all mistakes and actually doesn’t call them mistakes. I think he calls them…LIFE. I can’t speak for anyone else that is 50 but for me I’m living my dreams N loving my life. Every single minute of it…I wish I could bottle this feeling UP and give it to others. I can’t. But I can share of me with my words…and I hope my words have made someone else’s day a little bit better . Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Acts of kindness..Thoughtful acts done for strangers ..Anonymous gifts 2 those in need..Gifts given 2 friends in need that won’t ask for it ..I recently did something for someone and felt really good about it! Something they thanked me for profusely when I told them their wish had been granted..It wasn’t even something that took me great effort other than 2 ask a favor of someone else I hold in great regard/respect..Then just now I saw something on the news, a good story for once!, about a policeman who bought a pair of boots & gave them to a homeless person in need(someone he ran across often & knew needed boots) Brought on this line of thought…
Do NOT think before acting on thoughts you have of spreading gooooodNESS..just go with the flow. For often we can talk ourselves out of doing such things! So when you see a homeless person with a sign that says need money, do NOT think or worry they’re running scam, just GIVE what you can! For who knows you just might be providing them with the only meal they’ll eat that day. When you physically see/hear of someone you know/love that is in need of something, do NOT think it out, just GIVE what you can! When you have an opportunity to help someone at work by doing a little extra, do NOT think, just GIVE of your extra time to help them out! When it comes time to donate time/money for families in need(Thanksgiving/Christmas or any time) do NOT think, just GIVE freely of your time and what you can monetarily! The list could go on N on but the point has been made…Do NOT give expecting a thank you or reward; give freely from your heart. It comes so naturally from mine I don’t even stop to think nor can I resist the urge to give…It has been said(another old priceless adage..) that when one gives freely they receive back TEN fold. I can hold my hand UP high as a testament that that is very true…I’ve been blessed and I am blessed.
I do hope that sharing this flow of thoughts moves some1, anyone!, out there 2 give freely to someone in need. Just knowing that my words could possibly make that happen gives me great JOY. Have a wonderful , blessed day full of love N laughter..4ever Sincere the 1 N only, Berna
Alright folks this ONE I can really sink my teeth into! And at this phase of my life journey I can relate ..Not alot of topics I’ve written on here yet that I am going through as I write or speak on it..But this is IT. Lol!! Saving this space for this weekend when I have time to give this topic the attention(& finger strokes it deserves..) So buckle UP cause I’ve got a feeeeeeling it is going to be a good one. Guaranteed…
I’ve got alot 2 say on this topic ..so timewise I might have 2 break N finish later on 2night so here I go…
Call me OLDskool (I really don’t mind..) but there are some things I just can’t wrap my brain around at how things have changed. Did I miss the memo on “dating” becoming passA? Or have I been in long term relationships so much in my life journey I wasn’t paying attention?!? Has the new form of courtship turned into “hanging out” “linking up” (wth?) “hook-ups(OMG @this term)” “jump-offs(yep, this is a real term folks..shaking my head” and I’m sure a ton of other so called hip terms I’ve not yet heard. NOR do I want to hear because I refuseee to buy into the hype. Not 2day or any day soon. So, for those that have been “single and waiting to be discovered by the ONE(which is the category I fall into..) N in the 38-50 age range, how are you dealing with the “new” non-existent courtship reality? Are the days long gone when a guy actually even knows what courtship is? Or knows how it is to date a potential mate-for-life?? N for the record that is the ONLY type of dating I’m interested in. I don’t have time(I am on the brink of 50 folks..) to kiss or date any frogs(a/k/a OLD players or wanna-be-players..sorry but that is SO played out! and quite frankly was never in style in my opinion) N liberated or not..and I hold hand UP high as a liberated woman..is it toooo much to expect a guy to call ME to ask me out on a date?!? I’m not one to call a guy. It just isn’t me…unless I already know him well. In my heart of hearts I feeeeeel if a guy is “interested” he’ll make the phonecalls. And I will answer. Isn’t that the natural order of things? I’m used to being PURSUED. I thought part of the natural process was for a man to do the PURSUING. Isn’t part of the thrill for a guy(correct me if I’m wrong guys..) chasing and trying to attain a worthy potential as your MATE? Lawd! Has the entire book of dating been re-written since I’ve last been…single? ~2 Be Continued~(I’ve got alot more to say…) P.S. When I get back I’m going to ..(a) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why the state of dating/marriage is in such a CRAPPY state without it..(b) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why bringing back OLDskool wayz is the best solution to solve quickie unsuited marriages N quickie divorces. Buckle UP folks I’m just getting started! B back soon asap so stay tuned…<
4 those that are single/divorced/fresh out of a relationship/or nearing the end of a couple years hiatus from relationships(holding my hand UP on the latter..) N in the age group 38 yrs old to 50 yrs old are YOU happy with or fulfilled with the current hooook UP/hanging OUT/jump off/linking UP type of culture ? For my “liberated” women sisters out there is the >I’m an INdependent woman!/fun/exciting/liberating mode working out for you as satisfying/resulting in LONGterm relationships and/or marriage/happiness? Or are you STILL single? Or single again? Hmmmmm…lets let that sink in for a minute. Now mind you this case I’m building on is for those who think the following: 1. that being married is the ultimate love relationship 2. that being married is better than being single 3. that being married is the BEST situation for couples to raise children 4. that marriage provides deeeeep friendship with spouse/personal growth/LASTING intimacy with spouse. If you’re still with me after allll that lets move forward.
I’ll try to explain why I feel courtship is the best process in which to pick the best LIFE mate(at any age!) N for the record I don’t believe soul mates have to be a spouse. Personally I can attest to the fact that in this lifetime I’ve met 2 soulmates. Only married 1 of them…but a lifemate in my opinion..is what I’m seeking in a husband. (I’ll explain that term later if time permits) Courtship to me IS: a process in which the things a couple does are gearing towards finding(which means pursuit guys..) , winning , the right one..and then marriage. The couple is exclusive(yep!) and exerting a high sense of attentiveness and DEPENDability, and care towards the “potential” (I’ll explain another time what I feel a “potential” IS.. I know alot of women, me included, who from the very 1st meeting of a guy determine him immediately(or least I do…) as (a) Just a friend (b) Don’t even want to be his friend! ..total frog! N bad habits/lifestyle toooo bad to even want to be in his company, yuck (c) close to a potential mate but missing a couple essential qualities (d) potential lifemate. So anywayz a decent length of courtship(dating) allows the couple to actually get to KNOW each other prior to marriage. One might ask what IS a decent time frame for this? Depends..I don’t put specific number of months on this as Steve Harvey does. In my world the BEST things are worth waiting for. So don’t ask me about how long it will be before the you-know-what part. As a couple once ya’ll know each other well ya’ll can figure that out on your own! After all we’re talking about grown folks…
Moving right along…what has happened since courtship is no longer the norm? Anyone know the current statistics on divorce??? Anyone out there know the amount of people who now do NOT even consider marriage N instead just shack UP? (thus leaving children with parents who more than likely won’t stay together..the odds are against it) How about the statistics on folks who sleep together soooo quickly they don’t even truly know who they’re dealing with. I mean , for real, since our bodies are supposed to be a TEMPLE why would we(women or men) share of something so intimate (the highest of highs!) with someone we don’t know?!? Is it mayhaps folks have lost sight of what the true meaning of intimacy IS? And in my humble opinion intimacy is a far cry different from sex….We are all grown here, right? Alright, so courtship lets a woman truly know that a man is (a) seriously interested in just HER (b) is willing to take the TIME to prove his intent (c) and is willing to use his CREATIVITY to plan enjoyable activities/outings(could be as simple as a walk on the beach…) to gain her affections and her love. In regards to what courtships lets a man know(I’ve got to guess here cause I’m not a man) (a) that the woman is seriously interested in only HIM (b) that a woman has the qualities that she said she had on the 1st date!(oh, I meant to add that for women as well) (c) is the type of woman he would be proud to take home to meet his parents(THAT is key in my opinion..)
It is my personal opinon that no matter how much womans’ lib has changed the game the roles of men/women should rightfully stay somewhat close to the roles in which we were created. Period. I think it is because of womens lib that things got so screwed UP in the first place. I can’t speak for any other woman except myself but I only desire a man that is a leader! Has to have a back bone/be strong/be confident!/and is the rightful head of the household. Even the way our physcial & biological makeup is designed points to men being the head…Does this mean that a woman has NO voice or opinion? Absolutely not. Because the day will NEVER come that I have no opinion. Not in this lifetime nor the next…However I feel there is a happy/loving medium. And it works when both parties desire the same thing and work to make it work. I’ve seeeeen it work for 50 yrs now in my parents marriage(btw they still hold hands N dance 2gether! love IT) …which leads me to another point . How can folks that have NOT seen a long term marriage work truly know what to strive for or expect??? Hmmmmm. Can they? Which is why the cycle of this madness must stop somewhere. In order to get back to the natural order of things. Its gotten SO out of hand…for those of us nearing 50 we’ve seeeeen it and probably lived it! And hopefully learned from it…What I’ve learned is its my inherent desire to take things back to the way they were backintheday. N one of my prayers IS that the man who was created to love ONLY me feels the very same way. And another prayer is that he is somewhere out there-looking for ME-& reading this. If ya’ll have anything 2 add to this discussion feel free to do so. I’d love to read it and I’ll respond. We can all learn from each others’ experiences…Until then stay blessed N UPlifted. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Ya’ll ever wonder what drives a writer to…write? I can only speak for this aspiring life long writer. But first let me quote a couple people who are infamous for their thoughts on this topic. ” Writing is …a struggle against silence” Quote by Carlos Fuentes. ” And Oprah has a quote , that I can’t find the exact words to right now, but it goes something like this..’Be careful what words are uttered from your mouth or what you WRITE. For the 1st person to hear/see what you say/write is YOU; so don’t limit your ceiling by uttering/thinking anything but positive things..” I tend to heed or try to learn from people that I admire/respect N Oprah certainly falls into that category for me. I wrote something yesterday that moved me to write this piece..What did I write? I wrote these very words while I was writing something very deeeeeep to someone I care deeply for. “Thank you for reading my vent; for when I write to you(or to anyone ) I’m speaking to myself probably just as much as I’m talking to you” WOW ..Not sure about other writers but often more than not I’m shocked sometimes by my OWN flow of thought as I let it flow from the pen or my finger-strokes. I honestly had never realized those very words until I’d..typed them. Mayhaps its because I type so very fast. (about 98 wpm) Mayhaps its because I’ve been writing SO long(since I was a young child) that I’ve forgotten the actual reasons that I..write. It is such a part of who I am and that I just do it; that I’d not stopped to think about the whys. It is simply something I love to do. Even more than talking! N those who know and love me know I loveeeeeeee 2 talk. Ever these dayz on a quest of fully knowing “self” I’ve pondered the above statement since making it. I realize now that writing is very N totally therapeutic for me. Especially as I write on topics that I’m pulling from my personal lifelong experiences…Often as I do that trying to encourage someone else or motivate them by sharing; I actually relive N feeeeeeel the emotions/feelings of the experience I’m explaining! Quite often I feel emotionally..spent after writing on those topics. I can’t explain it any other way. And yet more-often-than-not after I’ve written something that I know I’ve said “well” the feeling after writing it is close to ..euphoric. A type of euphoria I’ve not yet in 49 yrs experienced the same type of wonderful feeling from(different levels of joy I’ve experienced but not the same..) Thus is one of the main reasons I write. 2 -repeat-that-same-feeling-and-to-always-strive-to-reach-higher-N-higher-levels-of -that-euphoric-feeeeeeling. It feels that GOOD to me. And as I’ve said before, but I’ll say it one more time, the need within me to touch others in a positive way from my written word is something I can not fight or resist. Took me many moons to come to the realization that my God given purpose was/is to “attempt” to “touch others in a positive ways via spoken N written words…by sharing my personal life experiences. I’ve come to believe N feel it is the primary reason I’m still standing. Intact physically and with the majority of my marbles still up there. There is an inner child inside of all of us. And that inner child, the very core of who we are, remains consistent even though we evolve and mature. Or least this is my belief. My inner child needs to be stroked , alot! Needs to be told they’re appreciated. Needs to feeeeel loved. Needs to know what she does is productive and useful. Needs to know she’ll never be alone or abandoned. She is me. N I am her..I am she. I’ve recently become her very, very best friend. I now try to “fulfill” her “needs” myself. Which is what I’ve come to believeeeee is the way its supposed to be. It is called Self Love..loving one self from the inside out. Makes one glow! I am finally there..and in doing so a person, in this case me, doesn’t look to others to fulfill those needs. Anything else gained from others in fulfilling those needs is..extra. A bonus! What I wish for other young girls/teen/women reading this is that you possibly learn from my “words” 2 do the same…for you. Why? Because it will mean that you won’t constantly reach out to others, and sometimes others that aren’t good for you, to fulfill those needs. Think about that for a minute for that is a heavy statement. Always when I write and share what I’ve written , AFTER I’ve written I wonder how it will be received. And yet once I release it from my possession. Once I push submit online I feel a sense of ..release. I hope these “words” of mine have touched you reading it in a positive way. I hope you can feel the sincerity in what I’m trying to express…Stay UPlifted N stay blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)
First & foremost sending out sincere wishes 2 my family/mi familia/coworkers/friends/extended family of friends a beautiful, loving, relaxing, fun, & BLESSED Thanksgiving! Woke UP as usual @ O’dark thirty(a Bernaism ..) feeling full of energy, excited, and eager to start the day..As I’ve stated before each N every day has become for me a totally new adventure..I feel like I’m a child on Christmas morning and leap! out the bed ready to run down the stairs to unwrap presents..Remember those days ya’ll? Blessed I am with an excellent memory I can still remember that FAR back…I feel compelled to share what I’m about to say for 2 reasons: 1. To give thanks to my God , again, in a public forum thereby adding to the sincerity of my gratitude 2. To hopefully encourage someone else to STOP for a moment and count their blessings as well.
The truly ironic thing about this is that just a mere 4 years ago..I’d not have stopped to count my blessings nor even recognized my blessings. Which in-of-itself means you can at this very moment begin to “change” so that you can also “see” your blessings N give thanks. What better day to begin than on this day of Thanksgiving? Anywayz fast forwarding to the message I’d like to share..a very BIG blessing that recently happened in my life. I tell ya’ll when God’s hand is IN a situation in our lives he does things in a BIG way. And it is my belief that we/one must acknowledge/give God his props/and be N act thankful. Period. Exclamation point.
About 3.5 months ago I was BLESSED with a JOB that I not only love..but I’ll go as far as to say it is the BEST career opportunity I’ve ever had. Hands down..and I’ve held/had some really good jobs ya’ll. But this one stands at the #1 spot. Many of ya’ll out there know people who actually LOVE what they do from 8 -5?? If a poll was taken right now how many would hold their hand UP? I’m not talking about just loving the salary/benefits. I’m not talking about just loving working in a beautiful environment. Nor am I talking about loving vibing with or working well with coworkers. What I’m talking about is LOVING every single aspect of what one does as a means of self-support for 40 hours a week. What I honestly love the most about my job is knowing without a shred of doubt that what I “do” every day at work..is helping to improve clients lives in a positive/progressive manner. I never even knew how much that meant to me..until I was BLESSED ..with this position. And the ironic part about it all? I knew nothing of the position when I applied online. Nor did my church sister who mentioned to me I might want to check out the organization’s website for “possible” openings. So I did. And on the very same day I went online at approx 2 pm…the position was closing at 5 pm! Wowww. So anywayz I submitted my resume & filled out the online application. For a position I knew nothing about! Real talk folks…For an organization I “thought” I knew what it stood for(I’ve since learned it stands for FAR more than I knew prior) Fast forwarding…out of alot of applicants there was a final top 3. I was the runner UP out of the 3. Now I never aspire to be anything but number ONE..but this time it paid off for me being #2. For reasons unbeknownst(not a Bernasim but love being able to use this word!) to me after being chosen. And after showing interest in being chosen. #1 choice all of a sudden poof! just didn’t come through. WOW. After I’d been told I didn’t have the position all of a sudden I was called and asked if I’d come in to begin the screening process. (which consisted of a full background check, full Lifescan & criminal history check,drug testing) Well my hair was blown back! I’d just licked my wounds over not being #1 and not being chosen…So of course I said I’d love to come in and do that! And I kid you not I almost ran from place to place over a span of 3 hrs to get it all done quickly as possible . And here I sit 3.5 months later in a position I didn’t think I had & a position that I wasn’t the #1 pick for..but that I now feel I was THE perfect choice for. Wowwww.
This is just one example of things happening in my life lately in which I’ve learned that..When something is for YOU it will happen. Regardless of how much it looks like it..won’t. It will! Now some out there might say it just happened to work out for me…But I don’t believe that! I believeeeee God’s hand was in it. Period. Exclamation point. And though its already been near 4 months I am STILL giving thanks N props to my God. I think that is important. Or least it is in my world these dayz..So on this Thanksgiving Day I want to say one ‘mo time. THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH MY JOB! And also thank you for the other many blessings in my life now and for allll the times that I did not give you the glory. Because now that I “see” with clarity with my spirit instead of trusting only what my eyes see it has changed my entire walk. For now every day I feeeeeel like I’m walking on air. And yet I am still staying grounded…
If I may ask all of ya’ll to STOP for a moment today. Try to find a quiet place in the house. Close your eyes. Speak with your heart/spirit and call upon the Holy Spirit. Conjure UP thoughts of allll the loved one in your life, allll the friends who grace your life with gooooodness & positive words, alll the coworkers who help you to feel welcome and/or to do your job better, allll the people you encounter while handling business affairs or shopping that offer customer service(rare these days but it still exists..) , allll the strangers who give off such a good vibe when you meet them they become instant dear friends/confidants..Just take a moment 2 recognize, acknowledge that God brought them into your world and then..Give God the glory and the sincere THANK YOU that is deserved.
Again ya’ll have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family/friends..N remember to count your blessings 2day and every, single day. Sincerely, Berna(the 1 N only)