Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

^What Makes a Woman WIFE Material^ From an EXwife’s Perspective

..It’s NO secret I loved being married!/miss being married/and WILL be married one last time..Its also no secret I’ve been on the longest dating-marriage-hiatus I’ve ever been on..3 yrs to be exact..Its been good for me & I’ve used my time wisely to do ME..But enough is enough..For one thing this celibacy thing is NO laughing matter..It GOT real rough(I actually think I went through WITHdrawals..Ugh)..And end of September? Once I clear a few more things off my to-do list; I’m officially putting myself back on the market. I might even become a multi-dater for a quick minute; because time is precious..And? My next deadline is rapidly approaching..I said I’d be “engaged” by the end of the year I made 50 yrs old. So its time for me to get a social life & get BUSY. Y’all ready for this list of wife material stuff? >>

( These aren’t in any specific order at all..Just a list of things I learned from experiencing marriage/experience divorce UGH I do NOT ever want to go through divorce again/observing my parents marriage of 51 yrs and going strong../taking notes from my male friends.

> Ladies, do NOT ask for your significant other’s OPINION; if you really don’t want to hear the truth. Excellent friend of mine told me, ‘ Do NOT ask a question; that you really do NOT want the answer to’ For instance..That pathetic question @ Honey, do I look FAT in this dress??? OMG knowing dang full well that IF he says you DO look like a fat; you’re going to be MAD at him for the rest of the night..2nd part of this IS..Appreciate your man’s opinion for what it IS. His opinion…If you can’t appreciate/respect/and truly LISTEN to your man’s opinion? Then your man just might be with the wrong woman. Moving right along>>

ONE of guys biggest pet peeves about women IS the nagging & whining! Ladies? IF you’ve got something that you’re SO unhappy about it makes you whine & bitch & moan alll the time; work to CHANGE it. It really IS just that simple..What is funny about it is women who whine & complain? Do NOT like to be around other woman who do it..So WHY torture your man with it? I might catch some heat from women for that; but y’all know it is the TRUTH. And to piggy back on that; I’m a heterosexual woman and I get tired of being around women who NAG. OMG enough is enough..IF you feel the need to nag & correct & micromanage your man allll the time? Then you might just be with the WRONG man..Quietly agree to be just friends..IF he doesn’t figure it out first and RUN>>

Don’t “act” one way to snag your man; then change UP …Most men want you to be REAL..They’ll respect that alot more than “airs” & “fakeness”..Bottom line is it is either a match or not..And it is better to know before marriage; and not during the marriage. People evolve as it is..Part of the magic of long-term relationships is maintaining ‘the connection’; through the evolvements..BUT if you start with being a LIE; than said relationship is doomed from the onset. >>

Appreciate and RESPECT your man..IN public or alone together; men want to be respected just as women do. I hear women say often; they want to marry UP..I’ve yet to meet a man though who wants to be treated like a big, fat wallet! Times have changed; we women saw to that when we GOT the liberation we wanted..Respect & appreciate your man & he’ll spoil you forever..>>

Contrary to the rumor , from what I’ve heard, men don’t marry bitches..So forget what you heard..Men are attracted to women who are genuine and kind. It isn’t something that can be faked nor conjured up either..Just comes naturally. And when you treat your guy like a king; he’ll treat you like the queen that you are>>

I’ll be back on this topic in September when I’m back on the market..Till then happy hunting girlfriends!

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

>>YOU can NOT one UP this..The 2013 Race Issue in America<<

..As time progresses post-the-VERDICT I’m absolutely astonished at the number of white folks across America(from reading blogs/news clips/articles) who are saying they just did NOT know racism still exists here..Whoa, WOW and Really?! I wonder where they were when the OVERwhelming amount of blatantly RACIST slurs, depictions & cartoon caricatures ; were splattered ALL over the Net during the past 2 Presidential Elections. (Not to mention the OPENLY racist comments of utter disrespect to President Obama from his D.C. peers) How in the heck did y’all miss all that?!? Led me to believe that the old adage/cliché is true..In life all of us “see” what we want to see; and ignore the rest. Some of us , are afforded the luxury, of being able to do that more than others. Personally? As a very proud Black American I’m here to profess WE have to keep our eyes , ears, and even our bodily pores! open & alert at ALL times…Fair? Nope, but it IS the way it is in America. Even in the 2013>>


^ EXACTLY what does this T-shirt mean? Want OUR country back from what? Or WHO? Again, I just can’t understand how White folks can say! they didn’t know racism was still alive and well in our country..These Tshirt slogans were EVERYwhere..Whatever did y’all think they referred to???

^ I’ll never forget the first time I saw the above bumper sticker..Only thought my eyes were playing tricks on me! WtF..I knew then, that with folks boasting this type of bumper sticker on their cars(And most of the cars I saw these on had kids IN the car..) things were going to get worse for Black America; before they got better. IF anyone thought that just because a Black brother was elected for the 1st time in American history was going to ERASE the evil, UGLY history of racism in our country…Then you’re totally clueLESS and UNplugged from reality. One positive thing though that I do recognize has happened post-the-verdict? The race conversation has once again begun…Which leads me to a blog post I saw earlier today>>

..I can fully appreciate any/all opinions; even those that differ from mine..However, in regards to this Trayvon situation(or any other..) I will never post something that I am cognizant is offensive to others..Having said that earlier I read a post today which I responded to here on WordPress..Twice. The author “chose”(and we all have choices on what we post or not here) not to post my second response to hers…SO here is “my” version(because all any of us can do is speak from our viewpoint) of what transpired. First, of all I do NOT understand why White folks feel the need; to try to one UP racism . You can not. There is NOTHING in comparison that folks that are NOT of color face..A Sista who also responded to the blog post I’m referring to; said pretty much the same thing. And she was just as frustrated with the author’s post as I was..IF not more so. The author of said blog post was titled, ‘ I am not Trayvon; but i AM the woman on the elevator’ . At first I figured I’d be reading an open thought process of what her position was. I tried really hard to see where she was coming from..BUT what she basically said in a nutshell? Is that when a Black man gets on an elevator she FEARS being raped…I can appreciate the honesty of her thoughts. And I am HIGHLY elated such thoughts are being put out into the public..Why? Because it gives ALL Americans Black and White and INside peek into how someone with racist thoughts; thinks. And yet? She didn’t see her thought process as being racist..Or how it could be offensive. That WOWed me & blew my hair back! I’ll take that one step further..IF said author had also expressed that she felt the SAME way when ANY “man” stepped on an elevator? Then just mayhaps that wouldn’t have been as offensive to non-racist folks…Still offensive; but only a tad tiny bit. IF there is such a thing! I felt my 2nd response to her response was civil yet forthright expressing my opinion..My opinion from the stance of being a Black woman who just also happens to have been born American..And also as a mother of 3 BLACK heckfied sons/daughter of an outstanding Black Daddy/ex-wife of an excellent Black Father/Friend/exgirlfriend of the MOST supreme Black Alpha man who just also happens to be a good person through & through..And newsflash? NONE of them or the host of other good Black men that I know; would even desire to “rape” YOU or any other woman(white or not) when y’all step into an elevator! They’re just simply trying to get to the next floor(s)..But where this notion that ALL Black men want White women comes from I will never KNOW..Somebody LIED to y’all..Not only that ; to bring up something as God awful as rape immediately into one’s mind??? OMG don’t even get me started on the “rape issue”..Just let the message sink in..ALL BLACK MEN ARE NOT LUSTFUL CREATURES SIMPLY LOOKING TO JUMP YOUR BONES. Trust and believe that. Exclamation mark. Period.>>

..I wonder, briefly, if the negative images of Black men/women are taught at birth! Or IF its something that is portrayed SO much by the media; that White folks end up thinking its true..Perhaps it is a combination of both..Regardless of how the seed is planted; the plant that has grown? It IS one that must DIE. If it doesn’t die off soon more Black parents are certainly at risk ; of losing their children just as Trayvon’s parents did. My Priest said something just this morning in an off-handed way regarding ‘the verdict’..It brought tears to my eyes! Here was a man who will never have children; who was telling his parish watch over your children!(majority of our church is Black) KNOW where your children are at ALL times! Keep them safe…The verdict has many people, even those who aren’t parents, wary..Can anyone reading this imagine; in addition to all of the natural worries of a parent, HEAPING onto that pile this additional concern? DON’T BUY YOUR CHILD A HOODIE. TELL YOUR CHILDREN DON’T WALK IN A PREDOMINANTELY WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD ALONE. DON’T LOOK SUSPICIOUS WHILE WALKING BLACK..(how in the heck is that mastered???) The list of don’t-DO’s for Black children is growing & growing..This is SHAMEful in America in 2013!!!>>

I’ve said before, and I’ll say it one ‘mo time, its my belief that people have more in common; than different. I honestly believe it is the LACK of getting to know other cultures/backgrounds; that keeps folks ‘in the closet’..There are folks in America , especially in the South, who have never traveled outside of their city! So it is only common logical sense their viewpoints might be “limited”..What people who aren’t well-traveled might not realize? The last statistic I could find about the percentage of White folks in the World…8 % White 92% Non-White..Only in America, and that percentage also is changing rapidly, are White folks the majority..But it won’t be long before that is no longer the case. I would like to think ; now is just as good a time as any; to start to try to learn other cultures/learn some understanding & tolerance/stop trying to ignore racism or one UP it when Black folks are expressing their pain/angst..It is high time for folks to link up and let the past truly be a thing of the past. WE can’t do that as long as we’re still being impacted by the “chains” of the past…

Posted in Health Matters*

>PREsurgery Jitters?!


I didn’t think I’d get to the point of feeling the need to write-through-this-feeling..But, here I am feeling the need to do so. Warning for all that are squeamish(I am also! Very…) you might not want to read any further..Not quite sure what I’m about to let free flow..I’ve been told a list of possibilities from women friends who have had this surgery; a list that ranges from A to Z. And? What I’ve heard has me realizing what I’d been fighting off since 1st being diagnosed..I’ve never had surgery before. I’ve never taken any type of pain meds nor drugs..I’ve never been “under the knife” ..For weeks & weeks leading up to my August surgery I’ve kept my chin UP..Was almost certain that I wouldn’t give in to FEAR; for after all I am prayed UP..Yet here I am, it’s official, & no other way to say it than to say it. Hope this doesn’t mean I have to turn in my ‘Liberated Woman Card’ but I AM AFRAID>>

1st a little Berna101..I’m inquisitive by nature; and have been probably since birth. My Daddy said I was the kind of child who had questions upon questions about EVERYthing..Like, Daddy why exactly can’t we see the stars in the sky during the daytime? Huh, Daddy? Aren’t the stars still UP there? ..Well that little girl part of me still exists..IF there is an option of knowing or not knowing; I want to know. Prior to having my first son I asked my Mom ,”What IS labor going to be like Momma? Exactly HOW bad is it going to hurt? On a scale of 1 thru 10 what level of pain will I feel??? ” My Mom’s honest answer was “Every woman’s birthing experience is different. It will hurt ALOT. But the good news IS you’ll quickly forget once you see your baby..” My Mom has always been my point of first reference for all things WOMAN..Anything and everything I am as a Woman stems from my Mom..I’ve got traits just like her mixed with traits total opposite of her(my Dad’s traits I bear; like my AlphaNESS) So imagine a situation, for the first time in my life, that my Mom has no experience? Thank God for the wonderful other women in my life; to date I’ve only met 2 women who hadn’t had some sort of “feminine” surgery..WOW. That fact inofitself trips me out. I was a rarity at my age; yet didn’t even know it; until I was no longer>>

When the doctor described to me the surgery procedure? Its called a Robotic Assisted Vaginal Hysterectomy.(and just looking at the robot itself intimidates me; but I had to “see” what it looked like) I almost fainted! But I held my composure as best I could..I had a TON of questions on my mind..Since I’d told my female GYN doc/surgeon I did/do NOT want to be cut; and she then told me there was an option…My first question was , “But how exactly will you remove my female organs IF you don’t cut?” The answer puzzled me for a minute. What????? How is that possible? Will MY vagina get back to normal after THAT? OMG! Who in the world creates these type of surgeries? Surely there MUST be another option. My doctor assured me my questions/concerns were normal..Really??? She also assured me since the vagina can/does accommodate a baby’s head; it could most certainly accommodate removal of all of my female organs. ALL of my female organs need to be removed..I guess I need to keep saying that over & over; so that I knock off the wimpISH feelings of FEAR. For heaven’s sake! I’ve had 3 sons sans meds; I should be able to handle this WITH meds. And though I’ve never been medicated; for this? I want to be FULLY knocked the heck out..Actually being awake for this isn’t an option. Good! God just wake me UP when it is over..>>

I’d like to take a moment here to STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF EXCELLENT HEALTH CARE and the option for ALL to have healthcare in our country. This robotic surgery is highly expensive! It is also the LEAST invasive way to undergo a necessary hysterectomy. Which also means the recovery time will be LESS(due to not having to be cut) and allows for the surgeon to navigate in the small crevices of a woman’s internal parts. I don’t know any other way to say it; than to say it. These are the reasons I chose this option. If there is any woman reading this that has had to go through many years of “feminine issues”(translation extreme PAIN during periods); I can’t stress enough the importance of annual pap smears. It was crucial in my diagnosis..and after test after test after probing after more probing and waiting for test results; I am SO ready for this to be over. I’m not fooling myself by acting like I’m not fearful..Fear of the unknown I think is normal. I won’t lie to myself; and I’ve no interest in faking other people out. Strong as I’ve discovered I am; I’m also human. I’m thankful to all the shared experiences that my women friend have shared; after all I did ask! However I think , finally, I am at my MAX of hearing the particulars. IF there is anything else I need to be warned of; after WHAT I heard today(the MOTHER of all after-effects) I’m setting my curiosity to rest…Putting my life into the hands of a surgeon and a robot! isn’t something I look forward to. But it makes NO sense to wish for that not to be the case; it is what it IS. The option? To live in pain plus fear of the “mass” being Cancer; and I refuse to live in FEAR. The good news? Is when it is all over and done with; I won’t have to EVER ‘eva contend with this type of pain again. More good news? I’ll be jolted into menopause so I can get OVER that hump & deal with it..Plus? My family doc turned me onto what is called ‘bio-identical hormones’; so I won’t be dealing with synthetic hormones. Hopefully after enough women know about ‘bio-identical hormones’; it can become conventional treatment & insurance companies will cover it. And the last bit of good news? Post-surgery I’ll be able to blog ALL about how I pulled through surgery with flying colors! Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted and blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & ONLY)

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~~WHEN..~~standing ~~STILL~~is not an option>

**Background & credits**..So the other night I was reading a fellow blogger’s blog site(he’s an Ordained Minister/Life Coach/Business Coach, etc..)..He’s on my fave WordPress reading  list @Johnnywalkerco.wordpress.com..And as he was explaining what a Life/Business Coach IS; he asked 2 questions..^1. Looking back a year AGO, are you better off in the following areas? *Professionally. *Financially*Spiritually*Relationally*Physically^2. And if you answered NO to any, would you like to be better off a year from now?..Well I instantly considered each & every area personally & my answers surprised me>

Oddly enough I hadn’t STOPPED long enough this past year; to even ponder over that question..But, without a doubt & with utmost honesty, my answer is YES..I am better off in every one of those areas. Going to save myself some finger strokes & ya’ll some reading time; you’ll have to trust me on this one. (although I could explain INdepth how my life has improved in all of those areas) The bigger question though IS; has YOURS? And if not; do you want it to? Next question..what are YOU waiting for? Lets rap..>

Mayhaps I’ve got an unfair advantage here..I’ve had some extreme motivating factors to improve on every, single facet of my life this past year..Numero Uno reason? I’m on the precipice of turning 50 years old(its so close I can reach out & touch IT) and I am determined! to be as much of the ALL I can BE by 50 yrs of age. Its highly personal..half a century old I figure is long enough to have reached a certain point. My second reason? I moved cross country & left alot behind to reach my UTOPIA. My forever happily ever after..Pretty much since my feet hit East Coast ground; I’ve been on the move. Not letting any grass grow under my feet(but I did plant my Daddy a lovely garden lol! ) to build UP ..Me. Haven’t ya’ll discovered we often need motivating factors to push us to do the max? Whether its a promotion we’re striving for. Whether its a significant other’s heart we’re trying to win over. Whether its a sport we’re trying to get a trophy competing for.  Whether its an A in an academic subject we find challenging.  The list goes on & on…So again, the question IS ‘Looking back a year AGO, are YOU better off in the aforementioned areas? And if NOT, what are you prepared to do to improve in those areas? >

I’ve become a firm believer that there is NO time like the present..My worst fear? To not become all I can BE..I personally know I’m not at my max; yet. I’m close, lol. But I’ve still got a couple more balls I think I can add to my juggling act..Are you doing all that YOU could be doing to reach your God given life purpose? Or perhaps one needs to ask themselves ‘What purpose am I serving? or want to serve? If you’re not UP to your own standard of what that is; then its time to work on improving those areas. Brick by brick it can be done..the first step is the hardest. But I can personally promise ya’ll it gets easier & you get a forward momentum!   Or least thats the way I see IT. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)