Posted in "Just for fun"

>Hurts SO Good…<

My Daddy made a comment this past Thursday & the impact of it hit me immediately…He said only twice in my life was he SO proud (& relieved! ) of me “making a potty” (Lolll don’t laugh that is the nicest way I can say it..) The first time was my first ever boo-boo when I came home from the hospital as an infant. Second time was this past Thursday when I finally! post-surgery had a bowel movement..I can’t quite EXPRESS how funky a feeling it is to not be able to crap for 5 days..On top of dealing with seering physical pain being constipated was the cherry on TOP..And with waves of gas(from air inserted inside me for surgery…) hitting me enough to wind me; my entire focus by Thursday was to have a bowel movement. I prayed to God/I begged the toilet-seat God/I did a potty hand-dance(can’t move the rest of me yet in quick fashion..) I downed glassafterglass of prune juice/I drank gallons of water/I walked laps inside my parent’s home/I downed stool softners at the prescribed intervals..And when it finally happened?!? OMG all was finally right with the World again. Yay! everything works again post-surgery…Now let the laughter return!!! But that was an entire different matter..>>

Anyone who knows me well knows I truly LOVE laughing..I have a very, very serious diligent side of me; and that part of my personality is “The Logical Analytical ” side of me..However, the majority of the time I can quickly burst into laughter from things people say. I also crack myself up sometimes! Lolll My preference is to be around folks who are funny or have a healthy sense of humor. My ideal “The One” could be a comedian; I’d be in my own little heaven! So imagine my shock when I finally laughed Thursday evening and it HURT like HELL..Or least that is what Hell must feel like. OMG It took hours for my body to get over that pain..>>

I could very well be the new poster child for laugh till your sides hurt..Because my sides ACHE and hurt for hours after laughing right now..Now? I find myself trying to hold/support my tummy when I can’t resist laughing..That is about as fruitless as trying to squeeze an elephant through the head of a needle..I just can’t NOT laugh when ..ish is funny. So I’ve just decided to let it hurt. And due to the situation it hurts SO good..Never thought I’d ever feel or say that; about anything. One thing I’ve learned at 50? Do not ever use the word never>>

I think many of us find ourselves in situations where we have HAD to laugh so as not to cry..I think many of us have resorted to humor & laughter to get through some really horrific stuff..Without laughter I think life would dull , boring and full of sad depressing moments..I don’t want to live a Life sans laughter..So even though it hurts like H E L L for now; I know it won’t be long before it no longer physically hurts..Did y’all know laughing is good for the soul & spirit? Laughter increases endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter is a fabulous form of stress relief & even works to stimulate circulation and aid in muscle relaxation…It has even been said that laughter can cause the body to produce its own painkillers..Whoa! that’s deep. And since I just ran out of my prescribed pain meds???! I just might dial UP one of my funny pals so they can make me LAUGH…Thats a wrap for now until I read/write y’all again..Stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only) I’m taking a POLL on laughter. Can U name a time it hurt you to laugh? (but you did it anyway..) Or has there been a time in your life that laughter stopped you from crying?

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

^Just For ME?!? ^

..These thoughts & this write are inspired by something beautiful, VERY, that happened to happen in my world yesterday..I think the title I’ve given it is misleading, indeed. It won’t be about anything that immediately comes to mind when reading the title. Trust and believe that>>

IF what you’re about to read doesn’t leave you with a warm & fuzzy feeling; then you’re probably DEAD. Now that I’ve got your full attention this is what happened yesterday morning; on my way to church; and totally unanticipated>>

..yesterday. Early Sunday morning..I was driving to church feeling pretty good! Was due to sing a duet with my Mom..Our very first duet! I’d admittedly practiced at home over & over & OVER..I’m sure my neighbors were sick & tired of me practicing that song. So anyways, I was driving along and then stopped at a street light. As I was approaching I saw a very young guy standing on the median..Right beside my car when I stopped at the red light. He was in his early 20s. Instead of holding up a sign that said will work for money or food; he was selling newspapers.(I think its a deal the newspaper has with homeless & gives it to them to sell instead of pan-handling) Now anyone who knows me knows I can NOT hardly walk past anyone asking for money..I’ve always been this way since way backinthedays when I first saw pan-handlers in Cali. I’m not one of those people who “assumes” they are scammers. I think the exact opposite. What IF they’re really hungry? What IF the money I give them will provide the only meal they’ll eat today???? And so whatever cash I have on me; I give . I also feel awful when I don’t have much to give. Which was the case yesterday morning! I only had 1 (one) dollar in my wallet. One rumpled UP wrinkled dollar..Plus I didn’t have alot of time to waste; I was after all at a red light. Dilemma! Do I just give him the single dollar I had? Or turn my head & act as if I didn’t see him inches away from my window?>>

I’ve got to tell y’all that red light seemed as IF it was never ‘EVA going to change to green. Lawd! It seemed like I had forever & a day to sit there trying NOT to make eye contact with him..Having an internal fight whether it would be an insult to give him my 1 rumpled , wrinkled dollar..Can’t even buy bubble gum with that anymore(can you?); let alone a meal. I began to wish I had more to give him. All of the what ifs were running through my mind. What IF that were one of my sons??? What IF it were one of my loved ones? What IF it were ME? I didn’t know what his circumstances were..Didn’t matter! Thoughts upon thoughts running rampant through my mind..Like, there are too many people in our country that neeeeed basics..FOOD isn’t a want. Shelter isn’t a want. Being needed & loved! isn’t a want..Those are needs for me; as well as any other human that exists. I had to make a choice. That frigging forever red light was forcing me to make a decision..And I wished, wished, with all my heart I had more to give than just one funky little dollar. I turned my head. I looked him square in his eyes..My heart melted. My soul cried silently..I sat there wishing I could jump, leap! out my car and give him a big hug..But I feared the light would turn green.>>

..Time seemed to stand still for a minute; as I reached into my purse. Slowly pulled my wallet out & grasped my one rumpled, wrinkled funky little dollar. Seemed like nothing..It was hardly enough! BUT it was all I had to give..I pushed my window to let it roll down..He came closer & I reached out toward him with that one buck in my hand. He reached to hand me the newspaper. I said nothing; just shook my head no. He looked shocked. I was shocked at that..Surely I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t taken the newspaper in exchange? He reached towards my outreached hand ; and; our hands touched. WE connected. For a brief moment in time..Connection with a stranger. He spoke and I realized he was shy..He said, “Is this JUST for me?” Whoa, did he mean my one little crumpled up dollar? Or did he mean the shared moment in time? Did he mean because I hadn’t taken the newspaper? So he could sell it still…I told him I wished I had more to give him! I told him I wished him all the good things he deserved. I told him stay strong for he was a loved child of God. And I was going to say so much more & then! the light changed to green>>

I truly hate to come off sounding like a cliche. Nevertheless the moral of this very true happening is..I think its better to give what little we have; than to not give at all. For what seems like so very little to us; could indeed be monumental to another in need. What IF that one simple act was enough to motivate that young man? What IF it gave him a glimpse of hope in an otherwise grey day or situation? I’d like to think that’s the case. And if that is the case then my one little crumpled UP & wrinkled dollar was worth its weight in gold… What would you have done in the same situation?

Posted in Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic

My Quote of the 1/2 Century^^^

***Life is full of Poetic Verse***I am fine. I will B fine. I am living my life out Color. Yesterday, I had one of those days & experienced but a mere “moment” in a space of a long, long! beautiful  life..I’m just about 1/2 a century NEW. My life, inofitself has been what all of our lives are..yet some of us fail to IS a miracle , indeed! what we live through, climb over, run around, and Leap OVER while experiencing this thing called Life. Filled with moments bittersweet but also overflowing with so, so , so many moments of utter JOY..that it can set us on a momentum that forward propels us hurdling(for lack of a better word) with baited breath & excitement! into each brand new day. I move , alot, in a very brisk , electric filled pace; trying with all my might to squeeze the UTmost out of each moment , each experience, each! day..But sometimes I also STOP to literally smell the roses; for none of us know(honestly) when we or IF we’ll re-experience any of what we embark on daily. When I decided to blog & share my real-true-life “happenings” out in front of the world; I promised myself I’d do it with an open nature so that I might leave my journey behind to mark a life journey. My life journey..for my 3 beautiful Black princes , for my grandchildren whenever they come to B, for anyone out there who just might gain something positive from what I’ve lived. What is this life really ABOUT if we don’t in the process of living..touch many? It is my sincere desire to let ALL of the love in my heart overflow , always, releasing what I call Liquid Love..Words can touch many. Words are powerful. Words can heal. Words can help one get through ‘Ish..And 2nd to actions; words can express Love in remarkable ways. I’ve been humbled beyond the realm I thought possible; by my WordPress experience..its given me confirmation of what, I think, I already knew. People represent Love..and when they reach out 2 others, from across countries no less, it brings to my full realization why I’m such a people-loving social butterfly. For the many that reached out to me last night? YOU wow’ed me/Blew my hair back/Rode through “it” with me/Showed a stranger love, love , love..Those that have known me a lifetime know I’m a fighter..Never hit a person with my hands out of anger, yet!, I’ve fought my entire Life to get TO my God given potential..Its when things have “seemed” the darkest to me; that have motivated me to “see” light..Like in a dark room & one strains their eyes to make out the shadows in the darkness while slowly proceeding forward(because stubbing a toe! hurts like heck) I say all of this to say@ I am fine. I will B  fine always; even when I think I’m not! Like my yesterday..I am living my Life out Color. I am rich when it comes to Love in my Life..I am Blessed. God hears my Prayers & HE hears YOUR prayers. This is a brand new day & WE woke up this morning..And that inofitself is a Blessing and cause to celebrate. I’ll be back tonight on my usual word grind & my kool-aid smile! Until then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

OPEN Doors*What Glitters Has Just as Much Chance of Being Gold as NOT*Walking in..>

May 18, 2013..A door is opening for me..All of my being is in anticipation..The butterflies in my tummy are going wild! To say I am excited!  is an; understatement. Are you ready when doors OPEN in your life? Do you recognize when a door is opening?(and quite often when another closes..) I am ready. Are U? I feel like the little girl in this picture..floodgate of thoughts/sensations/emotions are flowing through my mind/my spirit/my BEing. Not sure if I can express this better poetically or written verse; all I know is I’m going to let it flow..

Remember the moment or time frame in your life; when you realized you were truly grown? When you realized you’re now officially part of the “elder” group; the group the ‘young folks’ look UP to? Actually listen to?!? And if you’re really fortunate /blessed tell you they admire you? That moment in time for me is .. here & now. Funny thing about is just the other day , after I told someone my latest good news, they actually said to me.”Awwwww you’re allll grown UP now!>

In all honesty I’m not talking about just grown UP regarding age..For we all know some really old grown fools, right? What I’m speaking on is deeper than that..personal evolution. Inner revolution in short means IF you don’t like something about your life, don’t blame anyone else or life’s pitfalls, just dig deeeep within yourself to change IT. Sounds simple enough , right? It isn’t; but I can attest to the fact it can be done. Even when you’re knocking on 50’s door…I wish I could bottle this feeling/experience up and share it with the world..>

We’ve got options when doors are slammed in our face..a. Fall apart b. Cry alot c. Complain alot d. Fall apart! e. Blame it on the system/the infamous “they” /or whoever.. f. be patient until another door opens (OMG thats difficult sometimes..) About 21 months ago I had so many doors closing that I began to take it personal..I wasn’t used to rejection; honestly? I’m still not used to rejection. But  with jobs in the housing market drying up rapidly; rejection became quite the norm. A drastic change was eminent. I walked through a new door; one that I traveled cross country to walk through. It was the most difficult decision I’ve made in my entire life. The result? I’ve become a believer in miracles..>

I won’t waste keystrokes explaining each detail of the past 21 months..But I will say this. When doors open; they open wide. And I mean wide. You just have to recognize it; and quickly walk through the door before it closes. Use discernment(& alot of prayer works for me) & just do IT. I no longer feel that anything is impossible. For I’ve seen impossible things happen..mainly because I believed they would happen! And of course because my GOD’s hand is so very much in my life..Undeniably so. Almost everything in my life right now is brand new. Built of course on a sturdy foundation; but sort of re-modeled! I can’t think of any other way to express it. Digging deep to even try. I probably should’ve written this out poetically…Simply said next month I’m entering a new phase of my life. Brand new surroundings/brand new stuff!/Brand new car/Awesome brand new career/Brand new friends, extended family of friends/Brand new titles/community involvement..and I can  hardly contain my excitement. My cup is over-flowing with joy..I am ready. Certainly if it can happen to me, especially at almost 50, lol! (OMG its so close now) , then it can happen to & for anyone. YOU’VE just go to believe that it can. (whatever it is that you desire..)  My next project?  A brand new man, my last “the one” man. Finding & making time for a social life…because guess what I’m betting my next big good news will BE? THAT I’M NO LONGER SINGLE(though I’m not complaining for the self-inflicted  single time has been good for me & to me) making time for that is a must. Soon, very! soon. I am ready to be part of the love-union that I was born to be in..  Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in **RELIGIOUS**

~My Holiest Holy Week Ever~

~I honestly thought about not posting this here..Instead I was just going to write it & post on my church’s Faith blog site. And then? I decided this is such an important & integral part of who I am; that I wanted to share it here as well..Take it or leave it, Love me or not; I’m going to be ME no matter where I am..And that includes 4ever and always on my blog site. >Disclaimer in advance= These are my beliefs and my thoughts about God/religion/FAITH; all based on my life journey and experiences. I’m not saying nor implying what anyone else should believe or not. Quite simply professing I am very much a BELIEVER and this is what my Holy Week in 2013 will consist of…Ready for me? Ready or not here are my inner-most thoughts>

^Very brief(yep , I’m still working on brevity…) history lesson about Catholism. The early Fathers of ‘the Church’ used the word ‘Catholic” to describe the church because ‘Catholic’ means universal. Which , in short, means that ‘Catholic religion  ‘ & ‘Christian religion ‘ mean the same thing. Later, when folks began to break away from the ‘Catholic religion’ to form other religions; the ‘Catholic religion’ still remained what it has always been. The Catholic the  religion which I’ve been a part of since I received the Sacrament of Baptism  as an infant. Moving right along to where I am today in my faith and the Catholic faith/religion>

^I’ve not always been as steady on my feet in my faith or my walk as a Catholic; as I am NOW. And while I think it is the NOW that matters the most..I also can greatly appreciate the laborious journey it took to get HERE. Scraped knees from praying & scraped knees from falling; from one extreme to the other I’ve lived it. And I’m very pleased to be able to say, with utmost sincerity, not only am I still standing..but I’m standing taller than I’ve ever stood. All 5’4 inches…well , without heels>

>I’ve gone through periods of life when I wasn’t attending Mass on a regular basis. I’ve gone through periods of life I sent my sons to Mass; yet I didn’t attend. I’ve gone through periods of life that I questioned the existence of a true higher say I’ve struggled with being a full Believer is an understatement. Always wanted to be one; yet I was what I can best describe as a wanna-B-believer. I prayed to a GOD; that I wasn’t quite sure truly was listening at times. There were times I felt IF he did exist; how in the heck could he allow some of the things I lived THROUGH to have happened in the first place?!? My questions had questions…and yet I never totally didn’t believe. But I had serious doubts…and I for sure had doubts in a religion I felt(and experienced) as NOT being totally inclusive of folks of color. Folks that looked like ‘me’. I just wasn’t feeling comfy; and I hadn’t found a church home. (though not for lack of trying/and holding an elected seat on a predominantly ‘Conservative’  Catholic church school board..) And then…>

*My 1st spiritual awakening happened in the unlikely of places; and at the unlikely of times in my life. Unexpected, unprovoked and with no warning..just happened. Bam! What came over me was a feeling of such utter & complete immediate total JOY; that it scared me. I didn’t see any bright light at the end of a tunnel. Very much awake & I was sitting reading a Bible…something , at the time, I wasn’t accustomed to doing. Very early one morning in total quietness..suddenly..I could feel GOD’s presence. Warmth like a comforting liquid flowed down over my entire being; I can’t express it any other way. Just felt good, all over..quite suddenly. Long enough for me to be aware of it & then it was gone. But from that point on I could no longer be totally in doubt of his existence. For once in my life I didn’t have to see something to believe in it. Didn’t have to touch or feel it or taste it. Suddenly I was no longer a believer that seeing was believing..

It was at that time in my life I began to feel a need for re-newness. An inner need to start brand new. A re-start towards A re-birth. I don’t recall sitting and figuring out a plan how I was going to get that accomplished. And I’m a planner…no longer did I feel in control of my own destiny. It was at this time of my life I felt the most; lost. Wasn’t sure which direction I should head at all. Yet I was driven. That might not make any sense to anyone else; but it makes perfect sense to me. In essence I was no longer holding the reins to my life..No longer leading my own foot steps. Yet, I was on a mission. And fast-forwarding> A mission that led me over 3,500 miles>Home to my parents..A place with 2 people who loved me more than any other people on this planet>Yet, it was a place I said I’d never live, only visit, again. But I was on my way to becoming complete. Finally. I’d come completely full circle..

**My 2nd spiritual awakening came in the midst of many who looked just like me..At a gathering I’d flown 2 reach with many to attend the National Black Catholic Conference. Over those several days I knew I was right where I was supposed to be..A week earlier I hadn’t even planned on being there..It was there I realized there wasn’t just a place for me in the Catholic religion; but there was NO other place I belonged to get closer to GOD. I was home & had always been a part of it…Finally I was filled with a passion to learn more about my faith in the Faith that had been chosen for me since Birth. It was then that my re-Birth unofficially officially began..I began to fall IN love with being Catholic. I wanted to learn more &  more about it. From that conference I took with me, within my spirit, the same feeling shared there amongst hundreds of others like me. I  began to make a place for me in what quickly became my church HOME in the new city I now resided in. Same city my parents had lived for over 30 years. Their church home became mine; totally effortlessly. I don’t know if it is because my frame of mind changed & was open to it. Or a combination of that & the feeling of warmth & welcome in which I was received into the church. All I know is all of a sudden I felt like I was HOME. And my new church , almost over night, became my church HOME. I’d never felt that way about a church before..everything was simply falling into place. I joined the choir the week , alongside my parents, the week after my arrival to the “Left Coast”..Slowly but surely after that I began to get more & more involved in my new church home. I’m amazed myself! how involved I’m feeling driven to be..It wasn’t planned..Just keep holding my hand UP to serve more & more!  And with each day I can feel a warmth from within, like my inner GLOW, pouring out of me..There is no other way I can express it. The feeling of contentment I feel majority of the time; is something I wish I could bottle up ..and share with the WORLD. Which is what I am attempting to do , right here and now; with my words. Painting a picture, as only I can do, with my fingerstrokes. This is where I’ve come from 2 Where I am right now. And it just feels GOOD all the time>

**For the past 5 months I’ve been involved in a process..After a lifetime of being part of the Catholic church; I’ve chosen to take the Sacrament of Confirmation. As an adult this is a conscious effort & has consisted of attending 1 1/2 hr sessions every Monday. The sessions cover basic information about the Catholic Faith & fundamentally communicate the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults will climax with receiving the Sacrament of front of my church congregation on Easter eve evening..The Easter Vigil Mass. With the exception of childbirth and marriage ceremony; there is NOTHING I’ve been more in anticipation of in my life. It isn’t simply a step for me. It is part of my re-Birth. Couldn’t be more symbolic than for it to take place on the eve of Easter…This past 5 months has been a period of deep reflection, prayer, instruction, discernment and formation..One of my spiritual advisors leads the sessions and is also someone I call friend..There was the perfect time, a pre-selected time, for me to be confirmed into Catholism. Everything is falling into place all by itself…When things are right, they just feel right, and they just happen. And? It just feels GOOD all the time>

Because I will always keep it real= When I first learned I was expected to attend Mass 4 times during this Holy Week it blew my hair back..WOW thats alot of church for ME in one week..That isn’t including attending my regular session at church last night. A council meeting tomorrow night. Basically that means I’ll be at the church every evening except for tonight..WOW again. Having said that & all of what I’ve shared here; that was only my first response and thoughts. After it sunk in? My thoughts now= What BETTER place for me to be during the Holy Week preceding my receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation? It is where I am supposed to be in preparation ..Quite honestly I’ve got butterflies in anticipation & excitement. I thought as the time neared I’d be nervous. I am not. I am just eager & ready. I probably won’t share with ya’ll the events of this weeks’ church activities. Even having shared this is extremely personal for me. But I wanted to share with each & every one of you something that I feel is very..Beautiful. My testimony. IF you read between the lines, that is what I’ve just shared …My life journey to here. My walk now as I try, with all my might, to walk the walk that I feel most close to Jesus’s walk. It isn’t nor hasn’t been a straight road. It hasn’t been without bumps along the way; and even now. But when I look back, briefly..every single thing I’ve experienced was leading me to ..HERE. And knowing that/feeling that/realizing that ALL my life there has been a MasterPlan..Finally becoming aware that I’ve never , ever walked alone..Reflecting back on ALL of the people who entered into my life; that were unannounced Angels..Leading me/guiding me/counseling me/accompanying me on my journey..WOW, just WOW. Feels so GOOD all of the time. I hope something I’ve shared here with ya’ll has possibly made you reflect on your own spiritual lives..We all have one…Just takes some of us longer to tap into to it. We’re all loved children of GOD created by a mighty Father..One who is so patient /merciful/& loving; that he waits for us to discover that he simply IS. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted /Blessed/and have a beautiful Easter experience..4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~~~La Bella Vita…~~~

~’There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere — and of leaving it behind them when they go.’ ~ Quote by  Frederick Faber

~”We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.  The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~ Quote by Ray Bradbury

La bella vita is an Italian phrase that simply means= A beautiful life. I made a vow to myself a few years back to do all things possible to promote beautiful moments & experiences  in my life.  I figure I can connect all of the beautiful moments/experiences(like connecting the dots..) together piece by piece to equal a beautiful life. I surround myself  with beautiful people whose beauty comes from deep within..I’ve drastically limited the amount of stress I allow myself to endure. I laugh N laugh from the inside out N smile so hard somedays my cheeks hurt by days end! I surround myself with lovely , bright colors and I adore lush green plants for plants signify”growth in life”. I made a promise to myself to visit places I find the beach at dusk. The picture above is a beach near here in Clearwater; in the very near future I’ll be standing on that beach to watch nightfall come..I bounce out of bed at O dark thirty every morning eager to watch the sunrise on another day; a new beginning! The quiet, hush while all is still dark yet with the promise of a new day peaking; is so serene to me. It is at that time I feel the closest to my GOD. Beauty personified indeed! There are SO many ugly, funky things happening in the world that we can not change..That we don’t understand or can’t grasp our mind around why they occur..For a brief moment I wanted to share how I embrace and rein beauty into my life. I refuse to get sucked into the filthy muck of this life..Think about things you can do to welcome beautiful moments/experiences into your life. Before you know it the dim of the funky and ugliness going on in the world; will be so faint that it can’t disturb your positive VIBE.  That is something I strive for every, single day…I can attest that it works if you stick to it. I deserve ALL  the beauty that this life journey has to offer. Don’t you?