Posted in =Self Discovery=

>>The DOWNside of a Celibate Lifestyle>>

Most folks that speak on a celibate lifestyle speak on the HIGH notes…Believe it or not there are alot of highs about it..However, there is also a GREAT deal of frustration handling the realities of celibacy..Especially someone whose been in a committed relationship or married majority of their adult life. Someone SEXY and half-arse normal and considered intelligent. Someone that looks alot like ME>>

When I first chose celibacy it had little to do with my religious beliefs..It had more to do with making a conscience choice for less distraction while trying to reach a goal..I’d move cross-country and had a disciplined focus on a set amount of goals..And within a certain time frame..Adding dating to the mix would have been a MAJOR distraction..For I tend to give my all to anything I engage IN..Dating and men is certainly included..Matter of fact?

MEN = 1 of my few weaknesses…I’m not ashamed to admit I love being in love & especially love being married! On the flip side of that I’m also willing to wait (in a celibate state) for marriage before I have sex again..Now,I know most folks think certain things about celibate folks..What comes to mind is either weirdness/priests/OR a maladusted anti-sociable person..I’m NONE of the above..But I do have standards. And the longer I remain celibate; the higher my standards become. And honestly? It has become frustrating as hell!

At first? I was wearing an invisible banner waving it proudly @ I am proudly celibate , waiting and proud! 2 years later it is beginning to feel like a burden..Now it has been SO long that I wonder how much longer I can keep this UP? Not to mention I come from a highly sexed family..I’ve come to a point I don’t believe this is NORMAL..WTF was I thinking? Lawd! We are biologically created to be attracted to men and to want to have SEX..Period

The biggest downside of celibacy is the MEMORIES of how beautiful a loving relationship IS..The God created stress relieving perks that can’t be simulated. Trust me I’ve tried! There is nothing more fulfilling than a love-filled marriage..There is also nothing more aggravating than explaining to someone who doesn’t get IT that “waiting” for my The One doesn’t mean I’m pushing marriage. IF not desiring to settle for less means I’m pushing marriage; than so be it. It is not an easy walk. And definitely not for the weak hearted..But I’m standing on Faith that it is going to be well worth the wait.

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

Murder By Miscarriage**Sounding Off

By now most of y’all have heard of the case of Tampa’s John Andrew Weldon..Son of a prominent fertility doctor; who CHOSE to forge a prescription from his Father for the drug , Misoprostol.(also known as the abortion pill) What can only be described as a CLEAR case of premeditated murder..Weldon coaxed his girlfriend into taking the pill; LYING to her in telling her it was an antibiotic..For whatever his reasons were(so his ‘other’ current girlfriend wouldn’t discover pregnancy..) I find it beyond horrific & appalling..The nerve! First count? Forging a prescription. Second count? Making it HIS choice without regard to someone else’s body.. I could list a third count but I’m going to be stop myself short of going off on a rant..NOTHING about this character impresses me. And his Father had the cojones after the verdict today, GUILTY/GUILTY/GUILTY(because it was proven the abortion pill did indeed cause the miscarriage) , of saying he’s going to pray for a miracle..A miracle for his son to be allowed to have an ordinary & successful life. Wow! Wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels..It is no secret that I’m a liberated feminist woman who believes in pro-choice..I just also happen to be the elated Ma/Moms/Mom of 3 young brothers; I couldn’t imagine my life or my world without them in it. However, at the beginning and end of every , single day it should rightfully BE a woman’s choice what to do with or about HER body. A man’s choice? Do NOT have SEX with a woman who you don’t wish to become the potential mother of his children. Period. There is NO gray area on this matter. Until men can bring life into the world, that is simply what it is. I’ve had debates over the years with men who feel otherwise..Thankfully none of them were my man, whew! The solution is simple enough and I’ve made dang sure I’ve preached it to my still children-less sons…DO NOT SEX ANYONE YOU DON’T WISH TO POTENTIALLY MOTHER YOUR SEED. I held my breath though waiting for this ruling to come about..An ugly precedent would’ve been set had the ruling been not-guilty. Couldn’t be more elated that this woman’s rights were acknowledged. Tiny step forward amidst a time in history when women’s rights are otherwise in jeopardy

Posted in LOVE

Why Dating Is Best @ 50

IN a recent poll Americans overwhelmingly agreed that 50 IS the best age for..Everything! Here is my take on why dating is better now that I’m finally 50 yrs old>>

I am stronger..Simply put the stakes are higher at this age..No time for B.S./games/losers/or crap shots!

I am better..Though consistently striving for improvement; I’m about the best I’ve ever been. So if any potential date is reading this? Bring your A game & leave your ‘representative’ at home..Likewise I’m going to be me 24/7.

I am wiser..Exclamation point. Period.

I’m still not ready to reveal personal details about the dates I’ve been on..Mayhaps I never will..I can say, without a doubt though , that it has been far different from dating in my 20s..Gone are the insecurities felt backintheday..Take me or leave me; and more than likely we’ll part as friends.. I’ve met a couple of really awesome guys who are catches by any standard..And its been FUN..I laugh sometimes till my ribs hurt. Literally..Recently went horse back riding for the first time in eons! My butt hurt a bit more than it did in my 20s; but I didn’t fall off the horse..I’m due to go skating this weekend & hope to discover I still CAN..I’d LOVE to hear the song @ ‘Bounce, Rock, Skate, Roll’..Anyone out there recall that song?? OMG the skating song of ALL time! Though I don’t feel I’ve met my ‘The One’ yet; I’ve got a couple more people I can call genuine friends..The beauty of dating at 50? It is OK to admit early on it isn’t a love match…I love IT. Anyways until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed..4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

>>>BEAUTY vs. BRAINS >>> For Grown Men Only * Poll Alert

Alright here we go that age OLD question@ Do MEN prefer beauty or brains when they chose their significant other? Or better yet IF y’all had to choose one or the other, beauty or brains, which would you choose when choosing your lady? And yep, this question is for men only. The topic came up with a male friend of mine & his response blew my hair back! Not that I was born yesterday nor am I naïve; I just thought things might have changed by now. Haven’t they? >>

Now I clearly understand the biological makeUP of men is different from women.. I get that! Men were created to have a strong drive to procreate with as many women as possible..Google it if you don’t believe me. And backintheday when I was a tad bit younger(and dating guys the same age..); I half expected the motives of men to be somewhat fueled by the above fact. Matter of fact like many other little girls my Daddy taught me long ago @ ‘ What most guys truly desire is what is between your legs..’ But , but doesn’t that change as we age, evolve and progress? In my heart of hearts , and this might sound naïve, I thought(or so I’ve been told by my suitors & exhusband) that when a man looks to choose his woman; he’s looking for far more than just SEX. Isn’t that the case for the majority of men? Let me take this one step further..>>

I love being a woman. Every single thing about being a woman..In the dictionary next to the word feminine should be a picture of ME. My favorite color is pink. I dig wearing dresses/skirts/and ultra feminine clothes during the week..All woman. Then again I also dig jumping in to my jeans & getting my strut ON. BUT just as men probably don’t want women to envision them as a big, fat wallet..I’d like to NOT just be thought of as just a pretty face. Long ago I recall a remark my Momma made..Right now I can’t recall who she was talking to; but I’ve never forgotten it. She said @’I am much more than just a pretty face you know!’ Exclamation mark. Period>>

So whats the scoop guys? And give up the non-censored straight-no-chaser answer..Because inquiring minds(all the women reading this…) really want to know. And us single ones; could truly use a heads UP for insight to how men think these days. Your opinion matters so the floor is yours..

Posted in Dating, LOVE

>MULTI-Dating in a Multi-Tasking Era<

It isn’t far-fetched for single people to date more than one person these days..Heck, I’m willing to bet IF more people did prior to marriage; mayhaps the amount of them who cheat AFTER marriage would be on the decline.(..instead of the opposite) But how can a person who believes in monogamous relationships; date multiple people? I’m soon to embark on such a mission to find out! Truth IS many of us back-in-the-day, considered dating, equal to relationship status. It is not though..That isn’t even part of the definition of what dating is. Good ole Wikipedia defines dating as..’Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person’s life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people…’ >>

As with anything; there are benefits & drawbacks to multi-dating..Personally? I’ve not yet encountered either because my quest won’t begin till about the end of next month..Yep, I’m a planner! First benefit I can figure out already? Without having even dipped my toe in the water yet , multi-dating is going to broaden my options. And at a much faster pace than if I were to date one person at a time..At 50 yrs of age? TIME is precious and I don’t plan on wasting any of it>>

Let me first be clear about one thing..Dating IS dating IS dating and does NOT mean SEX. Dating also means not in a relationship/not married/& still single UNTIL a mutual committment has been made. Sex clouds & over-rides good judgement. Sex when casually dating is out-of-place for a reason because SEX isn’t a casual happening. Or least that is the way I see it. Exclamation point. Period>>

Another benefit to multi-dating is it keeps the FUN in dating..Takes the pressure off. My take on it at 50 yrs of age? Take me or leave me as I am. If it isn’t a mutual link-up; then we can be friends. Or not..Personally? There aren’t many folks I’ve met in my life, on any level, that we’re not still friends. Mature folks can handle that. And being that I’m now 50 yrs old; I won’t be dating any little boys. >>

Another benefit I anticipate could happen from multi-dating? Gives both parties a chance to perhaps date out of their ‘usual dating type’. Which, btw, I’ve never done..No one is going to be a perfect match & this allows the chance to date an array of personality types. (after all they can’t all look as superb as Shemar Moore.dangit what a shame that is! ) Doesn’t that sound like FUN already?!? >>

Disadvantages? Hmmm I really can’t think of many that doesn’t differ from dating in general..BUT with honesty..How many reading this know of people who date several people at one time ; yet LIE about it? I’m not lying to get a love relationship; and I’m not lying once I’m in one again. Never has been my style..I think there could be folks, men & woman, who can’t handle dating a multi-dater. No worries; toss them back in the pond & move on. No harm, no foul & thankfully didn’t waste each others’ time. Personally? I have no tolerance for folks with a jealous nature anyway..Zilch. I think the transition from dating to a relationship, would be same as only dating one person. With the exception of single status to taken. >>

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

^What Makes a Woman WIFE Material^ From an EXwife’s Perspective

..It’s NO secret I loved being married!/miss being married/and WILL be married one last time..Its also no secret I’ve been on the longest dating-marriage-hiatus I’ve ever been on..3 yrs to be exact..Its been good for me & I’ve used my time wisely to do ME..But enough is enough..For one thing this celibacy thing is NO laughing matter..It GOT real rough(I actually think I went through WITHdrawals..Ugh)..And end of September? Once I clear a few more things off my to-do list; I’m officially putting myself back on the market. I might even become a multi-dater for a quick minute; because time is precious..And? My next deadline is rapidly approaching..I said I’d be “engaged” by the end of the year I made 50 yrs old. So its time for me to get a social life & get BUSY. Y’all ready for this list of wife material stuff? >>

( These aren’t in any specific order at all..Just a list of things I learned from experiencing marriage/experience divorce UGH I do NOT ever want to go through divorce again/observing my parents marriage of 51 yrs and going strong../taking notes from my male friends.

> Ladies, do NOT ask for your significant other’s OPINION; if you really don’t want to hear the truth. Excellent friend of mine told me, ‘ Do NOT ask a question; that you really do NOT want the answer to’ For instance..That pathetic question @ Honey, do I look FAT in this dress??? OMG knowing dang full well that IF he says you DO look like a fat; you’re going to be MAD at him for the rest of the night..2nd part of this IS..Appreciate your man’s opinion for what it IS. His opinion…If you can’t appreciate/respect/and truly LISTEN to your man’s opinion? Then your man just might be with the wrong woman. Moving right along>>

ONE of guys biggest pet peeves about women IS the nagging & whining! Ladies? IF you’ve got something that you’re SO unhappy about it makes you whine & bitch & moan alll the time; work to CHANGE it. It really IS just that simple..What is funny about it is women who whine & complain? Do NOT like to be around other woman who do it..So WHY torture your man with it? I might catch some heat from women for that; but y’all know it is the TRUTH. And to piggy back on that; I’m a heterosexual woman and I get tired of being around women who NAG. OMG enough is enough..IF you feel the need to nag & correct & micromanage your man allll the time? Then you might just be with the WRONG man..Quietly agree to be just friends..IF he doesn’t figure it out first and RUN>>

Don’t “act” one way to snag your man; then change UP …Most men want you to be REAL..They’ll respect that alot more than “airs” & “fakeness”..Bottom line is it is either a match or not..And it is better to know before marriage; and not during the marriage. People evolve as it is..Part of the magic of long-term relationships is maintaining ‘the connection’; through the evolvements..BUT if you start with being a LIE; than said relationship is doomed from the onset. >>

Appreciate and RESPECT your man..IN public or alone together; men want to be respected just as women do. I hear women say often; they want to marry UP..I’ve yet to meet a man though who wants to be treated like a big, fat wallet! Times have changed; we women saw to that when we GOT the liberation we wanted..Respect & appreciate your man & he’ll spoil you forever..>>

Contrary to the rumor , from what I’ve heard, men don’t marry bitches..So forget what you heard..Men are attracted to women who are genuine and kind. It isn’t something that can be faked nor conjured up either..Just comes naturally. And when you treat your guy like a king; he’ll treat you like the queen that you are>>

I’ll be back on this topic in September when I’m back on the market..Till then happy hunting girlfriends!

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>*>*When a Guy offers To help a Woman he IS….True or False?

This is an actual question I had to ponder long & hard before accepting help for my move this weekend..Had several offers from several guys; but since I wasn’t sure what their intent was/IS I said  politely thanks , but no thank U..Curious to see if any other single women find themselves in such a predicament..I’ve been TOLD by guy friends; that most of the time when a guy offers to help a single woman to do ANYthing; he IS trying to get into her panties. Really isn’t any way to sugar coat that..so I didn’t. So taking a poll to get this dialogue started; men!  & woman welcome..****When a guy offers to help a single woman out; his actual intentions are a sexual/intimate   proposition. True or False?

My answer, MY reality, is ….T. T for True. Before anyone gets all UPtight, huffy & righteous about that answer..riddle me this guys. And this isn’t a multiple choice response; go with the very first answers  that comes to mind. Ever offer to help a woman  you thought was ugly? Heard of the damsel in distress syndrome? Does helping a woman make you feel like a real man? With all honest I don’t ever recall a guy helping me “just” to help me..Their hidden agenda was always pretty clear. And while it might not have been offered just to get in my panties; my being attractive played part in it. I’ve talked to other women who have “wised” UP to this syndrome; and the unspoken rule is. a.  A  single woman should be careful accepting help from a man. b. A single  woman should be clear that her accepting isn’t a silent , Yes. c. IF a single  woman accepts help from a man she “is” feeling; thanking him with a flirty smile & genuine sincerity will almost certainly assure him the door is open for him. (the following quotes are from Lovepanky.com…>

A man’s ego swells when he helps a girl

When a man helps a woman, shows off his brute strength to her and gets thanked for it, he feels good about the whole thing. He feels more powerful and happy, knowing that he was able to impress a woman with his abilities. And when a man feels good about himself, he’ll obviously like the damsel in distress who helped him feel better about himself.

Most women hate a damsel in distress.

Men on the other hand, can’t help falling for damsels in distress.

For men, it’s just inevitable.

Every time a man sees a pretty lass who needs help, a slob of a man turns into a chivalrous knight in shining armor.

Well, at least until he’s made enough of an impression to make her fall for him.

Ask him to help you in a man’s job

Are you having trouble carrying something heavy? Do you need help fixing a car, or perhaps a door hinge? Or are you feeling nervous to walk down the street after dusk? Ask a man for help.

A man likes helping a woman when he feels like he’s doing a superior job. Make him assume there’s no way you could ever have made it through without his help and his ego will swell. He’ll definitely feel more like a man around you. And yes, he’ll like you for it.

~~~~~Problem IS I don’t do the damsel in distress act well; at all. When I ask for a guy’s help; I genuinely need it. Quite frankly I don’t “act” well either..I’m a believer in not playing games or acting out life. I’m living it in full color & with a very big paint brush. I’ve learned that men are created physically stronger; and IF you’re truly my friend I figure you should want to help me out! Because if you’ve paid attention you’ll have realized I don’t ask for help often..and when I do realize an unspoken “invite” is included in the offer I’ve no issue with politely silently or verbally saying NO. Part B is I won’t ever ask & I’ll instead find a way to do it myself. And where is the fun in that? Plus can’t we all get things accomplished faster in life(and sometimes more efficiently) with a little help from our friends? Yes, yep, and yea..

Posted in "Just for fun"

**Psychographic Profile: West Coast Men VS East Coast Men**

My very first request-sort of challenge-dare to write a piece on a certain topic..Stemming from a comment I made on a fellow blogger’s page(and she has an awesome site here@NottakenNotavailable; which is listed on my faves list) Here is my best foot forward in meeting that challenge. Y’all  ready ? Get set. Diving in feet first…>

Disclaimer: Feeling a need to first give a shout OUT to all my Cali friends..Love & miss y’all!(xoxoxoxoxox) To my new East Coast friends mad regard & appreciation for y’all as well..You’ve made my transition far easier than I ever anticipated. But as I am nearing leaving my dating hiatus; there are a few highly discernible differences I’ve noticed in MEN from Coast 2 Coast..Best as I can I’ll be fair to both coasts. Lets rap>

Style of Dress: It’s no secret that I adore Cali; and I’m sure I always will. But without a doubt the MEN here; outdress those on the West Coast. Mayhaps its because shorts/T’s/sandals can be worn majority of the year on the West Coast(beautiful weather & NO rainy season) ; is the reason even business dress is more relaxed than the East Coast. And while I still highly appreciate seeing a ‘fyne brother wearing the heck! out of a nice pair of jeans & a T..there is NO substitute for a well dressed brother in a suit.(or shirt & tie)  OMG talk about a work of pure art. Moving quickly off that topic before I digress..>

Personality Characteristics: Though I’ve only lived on the East Coast for just shy of 2 years,  yikes time flew!, I think a fair sum UP of the personality types of men is true to the known stereotypes. West Coast men are far MORE laid back, free-flowing, casual, peaceful, healthier!  & liberal in their beliefs. Having said that I also personally found men on  the West Coast to also be more; consistent in every way. Which I dig ! and is mandatory in my book. And though its been said Southern men follow the unspoken & spoken rules of a gentleman; I’ve found that case to be much more true for brothers I met/knew/friended/married on the West Coast.  I could be wrong; but my sense of people is usually true to a T. East Coast men appear to stick to their stereotypical qualities such as unfriendly, prim, stressed the hell OUT(need to take a chill pill for real…a natural one of course ) ,UPtight, and conservative in their views & dress. And I know those sound like funky qualities but I mean them in a respectful way..Sorry guys if nothing else I’m going to keep it real & call it the way I see IT. Lets move off this topic before I piss off the male friends I’ve got here. ‘Lubs’ y’all I do!..>

Attitudes/Behaviors:I don’t even know where to start with this topic; the differences are MAJOR. Personally? I don’t think East Coast men dance enough! Nor laugh enough..maybe the stereotype , which I’ve found to be true, about West Coasters being happier ..is cause they dance, dance, dance and laugh ALOT. My first girls & only girls night out dancing here? OMG I’ve never EVA in all of my life experienced anything like it. Perhaps its the place we chose. Perhaps its because the large majority of guys there were much younger. Perhaps they just didn’t know how to dance! I’m trying to think of any excuse for it..BUT there we were a group of very attractive women wanting to dance with MEN. And yet? The majority of the time we danced as a group or with one another..I mean wtH? And one of my friends said thats the NORM here. I looked at her like she’d just spoke Greek to me..I thought and you still come out to dance? Might as well just invite the girls over & dance at home. And then!? Slowly guys started coming onto the dance floor just standing there; watching. I felt like a go-go dancer entertaining them. As IF. I love dancing; I mean I really LOVE to dance. And even if I have to IMPORT a man from the West Coast to marry ; there will be dancing and lots of it in my relationship. Never knew that was something to add to my ‘must-have-in-a-mate-list’. Jeeez and here I thought ALL brothers could dance…Can’t they? LOLLL Well they have up till I moved to this coast! There is something to be said about a man who can move on the dance floor..Enough said. Moving right along >

**I’m not finished yet..Truth hurts sometimes but here it is..**

I’ll be gentle BUT..My #1 pet peeve is ..When a person says something stand by your WORD. Say what you mean & mean what you say. I don’t know how to translate the language of I-might-if-I-think-I-can-and-if-I-run-into-scheduling-conflicts-I-will-let-U-know-after-the-fact. Nope! that doesn’t work for me. It might fly once or twice with me; but 3rd time around? You get tossed back into the pond with the rest of the fish. With the invention of cell phones/texts/emails there is NO reason a person can’t connect to re-schedule or cancel..I know cause I’ve done it. Cares less if you have to send a smoke signal or a message in a bottle..I must say this wasn’t ever an issue on the West Coast.>

Final Word: This piece was all in fun based on some true facts. I’m a great observer; probably because I’m a half-glass full type of person. I don’t miss much..All in all I’m pleased to say I’ve made several outstanding male friends here. Which is saying alot considering the short time I’ve lived here…One stands out among all the rest. Almost instantly became a trusted friend, confidant,  & mentor. Stays true to his word; every single time. And even juggling a schedule full of many balls IN the air; not once has he disappointed me in promised projects or ventures.  But then again he’s not originally from the East Coast…Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in Lyrical Lovers Poetry Lounge~

******Erotic Word Illusion*****

This is my response to Kedo’s last piece@ “Or close to 20” ..

~~~~Erotic Word Illusion~~~~by Berna *She Said*>

Its just a phonetic Illusion..

Your penned expertise is pushing me to excel beyond my skills’ limitations

All the while my hearts’ beating to the erotic word illusion;causing palpitations

But I digress..yet, I  swear I can smell the scent of your manliness

And

It

Smells

Like

Heaven

 

Flashbacks swirling through my mind of my hands clenching the sheets

Gooood grief I can’t control these mental  images nor my racing heartbeat

Its been far, far!  too long and my body is ready to sing its loveliest song

How ever could having my “bell”  sweetly rung be not right or even wrong?

Close

2

20

Won’t

B

Enough

Times

Rhymes meeting rhymes in place of erotic physical cravings…desire

 

*sigh*

When all I really want to do is take U higher & higher! & higher

To a ecstatic ! place you’ve never ever thought of being before

My silent promise is you’ll never yearn for anything else or more

You won’t be able to keep count of the multiple ways

You’ll lose track of moments, years and certainly days

There

Will

Only

B

Me

One in a million and well worth the wait..the perfect find

If I set my mind to it? My mission will B to make you mine

Just know I only play for keeps..

Posted in =Self Discovery=, LOVE, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~Mental Seduction=Mental LOVEmaking~ The so very LOST art!

This topic needs NO introduction..So I’m going to dig right on in..Sounds like an easy task for an eligible man to accomplish, right? Seduce my mind; and U can have my body..for life. It is obviously anything BUT an easy task these days; or mayhaps because I’ve been in a self-inflicted & conflicted! ‘desert phase’ for far too long..What do I mean by that ya’ll might ask? Well , as usual, I’m going to do my best to try to explain; the way I see IT… >

~~Come, embrace my powers of provocation..4 this is…A very private invitation 2 my cerebral playground. A place where there  is no space nor time limits; only blissful moments filled with life’s most unkept secret to forever-heartcontentment=Love~Intimate quote from Berna

The standard has been set pretty much in stone; which might very well be what is stopping me from accepting anything less! When last I was IN love, a couple moons ago now, for an entire year my mind was kept totally captive…yep! totally..by someone who never laid a hand on me until a year passed. By time I realized I’d fallen in love..I’d already been in love with him . Miles apart yet minds linked in an unspoken vow ..How does that happen? And is it TOO much to hope for it to happen again & last until the end of all time? Or am I just a hopeless romantic; being greedy! enough to hope for another chance for a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence?

And yet..

with ALL ..

my Heart I believe ..

that the MIND is the BIGGest sexual organ we possess..

It was in yesteryears, it IS today, and it will be forever more. Exclamation mark. Period..So why is it so rare for it to be attempted? Is it a lost art that this generation wasn’t taught? Is it a forgotten ART that my generation got to lazy to USE? My thoughts invoke more thoughts & my questions bring on more questions..Is it only I that am stuck in a time warp of expectations & love anticipations? Accepting anything less seems like cheating myself out of the ultimate; a soulmate-lifemate-type-of-connection. It is what my soul craves. It is what my spirit yearns for. It is what my heart knows it deserves..

When in the world & how in the HELL did linking UP become acceptable instead?!? Friends with benefit for the sole benefit of sexual gratification for the now; no committment; no promised tomorrows..Wth? Is there a group of women somewhere who voted for this to BE OK? Because I didn’t get the memo..and I for one VETO that vote. Count me OUT. And please miss me with the ‘I’m just 2 OLD to be able to relate”..I can’t relate cause it makes no dang sense. It defeats the entire premise of all that good relationships are built ON.

Doesn’t anyone dance to love songs anymore?!?

I don’t know about ya’ll, but sometimes having convictions, can cause friction..Or least in my case at this point, lol! My mind/my brain/my sense of logic/my analytical side  knows the premise of what I wish for is the right thing to wait on..My heart on the other hand is wishing I’d re-think my decision. Its getting more difficult to let “the opportunities” pass me by..But is opportunity ever really an option IF it doesn’t contain all that we desire? Some folks say , Something (a relationship we aren’t totally fulfilled in..) is better than nothing(being single..) I so totally disagree…and just maybe if linking UP for a night or two wasn’t the “new norm” ; more folks would engage in mental seduction/DATING/courting. Oldskool ways will always work out for the best final outcome…how many keystrokes will it take for this generation to get IT? Or least that’s the way I see IT

Posted in @Cultural, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., LOVE, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>I Want The Type of LOVE That Isn’t…Disposable

Single, Sexy, and very Smart..it is beginning to feel like a curse! In the love department. I’ll never get to write about fiction; because real life is FAR more exciting plus full of UNDANGbelievable moments..Hold onto your hats & wigs folks ! This might get a little raw and as always totally real..but I’m almost 50 yrs old I can say what I feel and mean & mean what I say. Right? Yep, I’m very right about alot more than I give myself credit for. Till now. Ya’ll ready for this? Ready..Get set..

 

Here i GO..This might very well come off as a rant, possibly even venting. I’d prefer to say it is a ..release of pent-UP unexpressed sentiment. Having recently relocated from the Right Coast to the Left Coast; I’ve finally! begun to like it here.  All is falling into place and I no longer(sort of..) feen for my beloved Cali. Truly dig the people here, have made FABULOUS friends here, and I love my JOB. And yet, for the 1st time in my life I seem to be attracting alot of married brothers! I don’t get it ..but I swear if ONE more approaches me , in anything-other-than-a-friendship-type-of-“thang”; I will scream! And I won’t be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth…I don’t think married guys realize the total and UTmost disrespect that is to a woman. Not to mention their wife..and on my pisstivity meter it rates a 10 out of 10.

Certainly we all know there are women who go after married men on purpose…They even see it as a personal challenge to go for unavailable and married men. Anyone who knows me knows that without a shred of doubt; I am NOT one of those women. I want, deserve!, and am patiently (trying dang hard not to fall off the wagon..) awaiting for my “the one” to find me. Maybe because this is the longest timeframe I’ve been single; I’m throwing off pheromones like crazy. Or least that is the line that someone recently used on me; as IF. I’d even go as far as to say, and I have, that I’m pretty vulnerable right about now(no matter how strong I project I am & feel I am) Nonetheless the type of love relationship I’m seeking does NOT include a married brother..and I’ll briefly attempt to explain why. >

First of all it makes me feel cheap and dirty! And I hope some of ya’ll are reading this..Mayhaps it will make ya’ll think twice about hitting hard on single women. As IF having a wife at home isn’t enough. And what the heck happened to the time when everyone WORE a wedding band?!? When I was married IF my husband had walked around without his wedding band on..it would’ve sent off a major alarm in my head. Although truth be told if your man is going to cheat; you could wrap his entire body in wedding bands & he’ll still cheat. A cheater will find a way to cheat in a locked room by themselves! Or so it is my belief…and yep I’ve got major issues with cheating-while-married. For a reason. It happened to me. Once upon a time long ago. And literally broke my heart into tiny fragmented pieces…(though we’re great friends now, forgiveness works wonders!)

Isn’t it quite unfair to dangle candy in front of a baby; and then say the baby can’t have the candy? That is exactly what it feels like to “think” someone is single; only to find out surprise! he’s charming/HOT/funny!/personality to die for but MARRIED. When in actuality that is something that should be well known from the get-go. I just feel anything less when approaching a woman is perpetuating a fraud. And one step further so are the married ones who say they’re cool with friendship..and then bam! Swooooop down and hit on a woman so hard it can quite literally take her breath away. Note: Insert the word “men” & “wife”  in the following picture..>

We all fall short of perfection. I get that; and I have my hand held UP high that I’m not perfect. I’ll say it one ‘mo time for the record. I don’t even strive to be perfect anymore. Being perfect would make me..boring. And if anyone reading this has met a perfect person; point them out I’d like to finally see what a perfect person really looks like. I say allll of that to say married folks can do whatever they please. I care less..do YOUR thing and do it well. BUT don’t include me in it. I want no parts of it. As IF I want to be next in line to be sitting at home; waiting on a husband who is working hard to get next to a single woman. Or mayhaps only I look at it from that perspective. It really does, for a minute, hurt my feelings that said married brothers would think that little of me. For a minute…then after that minute or so passes? I get MAD..especially if I felt the temptation. That leads me back again to level 10 on my pisstivity meter. I’m not there often; and I don’t like being there. Exclamation mark. Period

Someone recently said  something; and this saying is getting so OLD. I’ve tired of hearing it because I simply refuse to believe it. They said that all of the good brothers are either married; or in prison. NOT..I won’t comment on the either of those situations. What I will say is this. I exist/divorced & single & sexy, attractive & physically fit/and I’m a dang good woman. And I’ve got a couple single girl friends who are even more fabulous than I am.  So since we exist then there have GOT to be 3 HOT heckafied brothers out there also…and I know mine is looking for me. He is searching for me high & low. I can feel it in my bones. I’m thinking about getting a T -shirt that says “Here i AM baby & I waited just for U” Lol! Actually thats not a bad idea..

Bottom line is I love everyone..I truly, truly LOVE/admire/cherish/dig my brotha’s. And 99.9% of the time I get nothing but MAD, and I mean mad props, from my brothers. Including friendships that I treasure dearly..but I just had to add these thoughts as a footnote. Often times folks, including me, can do things that we don’t know offend others. I’m making it known, again, I find it highly offensive. Enough said…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted and blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)

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~MANsharing..WHY are Black Women Supporting this?!?

This topic is as REAL as it gets! I’ve got a naturally nuturing/loving spirit..To love is part of my DNA..Anyone who knows me  can attest that I’ll literally give the shirt off my back to someone in need. And I have…without being asked I’ll give. Whether its money to someone holding UP a sign @will work for food…I’m a giver. And I feel we should all share of what we have to those in need; even if we’re close to broke our dang selves. BUT one thing I will NOT share, UNequivocally, is my MAN. I expect women to look..because I’ve got excellent taste..but do NOT touch him. Ever. And ever is a very long time. So read my lips so the message is clear..I won’t participate in MANsharing. But we all know it exists…It might even be common place for some. So much so there are jokes about it & many articles written on MANsharing among Black women.  I laugh alot! Probably more than the average person..but this is no laughing matter. And I’m so serious..I’m not down with O.P.P.(is that term even used anymore??? well if not I’m bringing it back) My man is considered Private Stock(a term my ex taught me 🙂 ) so flirt if you must because he’ll be HOT… (I’m single at the moment or certainly I’d not be writing on Valentine’s  evening. So this message is for when I start dating again.  lol! ) but do NOT touch my MAN…

Some of the terms, for lack of a better word, used to describe “love triangles” these days are: Main chicks, Side Chicks, Mansharing…For anyone who watches reality tv, which I don’t!, you might have seen some of this laid out in living color(and REALness) on the show”Love and Hip Hop Atlanta”..I ran across a narrative while on a Black website; I was interacting in a group online discussion about Black Love Relationships. And first let me say , OMG! To say my hair was blown back is an understatement…I had NO idea ‘polyamourous coupling’ could be considered an IN thing these days. Or least enough to have it shown on the boob tube. Backintheday we used to called those type of arrangements; open relationships or just plain ole cheating! But seems things have changed or have they?

These days apparently many women , in accepting their rights to sexual freedom and choice, are far less ashamed of those choices…even when they’re generally seen/portrayed as indecent. What usually happens when these love triangles or mansharing accounts are heard of or discovered!(sometimes by an un-assuming wife/girlfriend) the heavier side of blame is placed on the woman involved in the arrangement. She is scorned in some cases and called every name under the sun; except a child of GOD. I know because I’ve been on the flip side of that coin myself. Yep! I was once a very, totally “UNassuming” wife who got the surprise of my life..which also broke my heart into a cazillion pieces. But moving right along….

However, as we get to “the other side of feelings”; also known as getting over a broken heart or lost love..we begin to analyze the “entire situation” and often times can understand” somewhat” how that certain situation came about…Or least those of us that want to truly heal & forgive when we’ve been hurt by someone practice this. So anyways how does a 3rd party come into a marriage or relationship? Is it always KNOWN by the 3rd party that said man is married or taken? Are there women who prey on married men and consider them a challenge? Last but not least the question that begs to be answered…Are there rising numbers of MANsharing among Black women because of the shortage of BLACK men due to high rate of Black men behind bars in our country?!? Here is the take on those answers and the way I see it..

At this point in my life I’ve grown to believe things I never thought I’d believe when I was alot younger…Grey area DOES exist! I used to think everything was either Black or White. That everything either was or wasn’t..and that simply isn’t the case. I now believe that one person can be IN love with two people. Might seem like its impossible to alot of ya’ll out there…but that is because it hasn’t yet happened to you. You’ll have to trust me on this one. Also , I think sometimes folks get into “situations” and don’t know how to get out of them. Lets call it getting caught UP. I also think sometimes people that aren’t totally “satisfied” in a relationship can easily wind UP having an affair. BUT I also think some Sista’s have been duped by Brotha’s who don’t reveal the truth from the onset…Many a woman has probably, nope has!, gotten involved not knowing the man was married. Or the infamous statement IS= He’ll say he is married; but separated…In my opinion until the ink is wet on the divorce decree you’re still MARRIED. I told this brother that once who said he’d been separated for 3 years. 3 years! And as MUCH as I was digging him I said when you’ve gotten your divorce and IF I’m still single; give me a buzz. And he did!

In my heart of hearts I just think there is a way to conduct ourselves like we respect ourselves. Like a lady. Sounds corny but I mean it..Doesn’t mean we can’t have sex appeal or even flirt. Sex appeal is as natural as the air we breathe..IF you got it , then flaunt IT. But with some amount of decency and class. IF a woman doesn’t respect or honor her OWN self/body; how the heck can we expect a man do to the same by us?!? That answer is easy to see; even for a blind person.

For folks that are into poly-relationships..as long as its all mutually agreed upon..do your thing! Its a free country and you can have at it if you like…Not my style because the one thing in life I’m selfish about is my MAN. I do not nor will I share. Not yesterday, not today, and not whenever I get into my next/last! relationship. But for the Sista’s into chasing married men…or adding notches to some sort of married belt. What is going to happen whenever ya’ll settle down & finally get married?? What IF some marriedmanchasingsista comes along and snags YOUR husband??! What will you then think about women who have no issue DOing a married man? Sometimes we should think about the flip side of things; before we do them. Having a heart helps…and also karma is a B! The good news? One can repent and regroup for their past transgressions. That is the beauty of this life journey. Having said all of that there should be a couple unspoken Sista rules when dating…Ya’ll ready for this?

Rule 1. IF he only calls you during work hours of the day and not on the weekend at all. He IS married or in a relationship. And thus not worthy. Period

Rule 2. IF he tells you he is married but separated…I don’t care how many years. He IS still married. And thus someone else’s MAN. Legally. Period

Rule 3. IF he is the ex of a friend of yours…Not worth possibly ruining your relationship with your friend. I don’t care how fine or cute he is.

Rule 4. IF he asks for your number but can’t/won’t give you his. MARRIED. Run quickly from this situation before it even becomes a situation. Period

Rule 5. IF you know he is either married or taken…Walk away or just engage in friendship. Even talking or flirting with the idea of a relationship can lead to an emotional attachment. And getting emotionally attached or falling in love! with a man that isn’t available will drain you/block your blessings/and guarantee your heart will be crushed

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Health Matters*, Positive Movement Topic, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~~SEX~~ DP CHALLENGE *PostADay..Berna’s Way..

~ ~One of my fave sayings IS “IF U can’t talk about it with me ; then I guarantee we’ll never have SEX!” ~Parents should rightfully B discussing SEX with their children LONG before their children have SEX~WHY  parents afraid 2 discuss SEX with their children set them UP to feel SEX is dirty for life; when it is NOT~The rule @No glove/No love should RULE these days…>>Those are just a few of the things  I feel like talking about …I’ll keep it tasteful BUT with the mindset that SEX is natural N beautiful..Are ya’ll ready  for me? Get ready. Get set…Lets rap!

>>”Sex and romance may seem inextricably linked, but the human brain clearly distinguishes between the two, according to a new study. The upshot: Love is the more powerful emotion.

The results of brain scans speak to longstanding questions of whether the pursuit of love and sex are different emotional endeavors or whether romance is just warmed over sexual arousal.

“Our findings show that the brain areas activated when someone looks at a photo of their beloved only partially overlap with the brain regions associated with sexual arousal,” said Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook. “Sex and romantic love involve quite different brain systems.”

 

The study, announced today, will be detailed in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.<<

**Trying to tackle this topic from several angles so bear with me as I work my way into it..

>>2  quotes  from a source I respect( & have read many of his books)  I’d like to mention here before I go further :

“~Any feeling is both mental and physical~”
Deepak Chopra, Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life’s Greatest Challenges

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
Deepak Chopra

Working my way slowly into this topic, deeper N deeper ,so  hang on folks I’m getting there..

*Although far too many people think the entire importance lies between one’s legs…that simply is NOT true. Sex begins with mental seduction. When the mental seduction is mutual sex turns into making love= Real love. One of the highest of highs @ Orgasm happens between one’s ears..*In the Mind/Brain*..Am I breaking it down or what?? Moving right along so stay tuned<

Disclaimer: Anything that I say here or elsewhere on my blog site is MY opinion. Based on my beliefs N life experience including a TON of reading..>

Since 1992 California public schools have been required by law to teach HIV/AIDS education at least once during middle school and once during high school . To follow a list of guidelines including age appropriate ..BUT what is to determine what any of those guidelines actually mean?? As a parent I was never comfy “not knowing” exactly what was being taught to our sons. And even though I read the literature I requested from the school beforehand I still wasn’t comfy…yet I signed it. I felt the more info our sons had the better..In addition I discovered sex education is NOT required by law to be taught in California public schools. YET 96% of California public schools do provide sex health education classes as an option from grades K- 12..though there are NO guidelines by law until the 7th grade..Which is when I signed the consent forms for our 3 sons to take the course. When my eldest took the course I was still very, very nervous about talking about SEX to him. So I welcomed any and all information or outside sources teaching him sex education. Including my now ex-husband…By the time our youngest was in the 7th grade I was well informed N confident to teach him alot more at home myself as did my now ex-husband..We were pro’s on the topic by then & had added sex education to our very hands-on n N involved parenting style. 10 years prior I’d never have dreamed! that I’d engage or advocate giving a teenager condoms..BUT no one ever promised that parenting would be an easy job. It is by far the most “difficult” job I’ve ever held and yet by FAR the most rewarding & important! Furthermore I advocate allowing an environment in which youth can talk to their parents about ANYthing..and our sons have. (the beauty of having 2 involved parents is if they can’t talk to one about something ; they’ve got another parent to talk to ..awesome arrangement!)  I’m not yet a grandparent and all 3 of my sons are alive N healthy..One of my worst parental fears is they’d experience sex and catch something that could kill them! Or become parents before they’d reached their educational goals..Neither of those things have happened. Thanks to my mighty GOD and an outstanding co-parent/male role model. IF you truly love your child talk to them about sex very early on…And if need be give them condoms! Be thankful they could come to talk to you honestly about the topic. Provide condoms even before they do…those just-in-case-the-first-time-comes-before-prepared-with-safety-items has yielded in many teenage pregnancies..In my opinion in this day N age teenage pregnancy rates should NOT be at the high rate they’re at. Condoms are handed out like lollipops now! In California you can get them at alot of clinics for FREE…

*SEX-Positive Liberals advocate that sex BEfore marriage IS a valid choice for “nearly” everyone…or at least for 95% of Americans. Hmmm, who knew? Or , really?!? IS sexual morality truly about how long one waits? Or should it be about how one treats themselves/carries themselves/respects themselves ~N~ the people they’re with.

Question: Are long lasting love relationships made through intimacy? Is teaching the youth abstinence ONLY working out? Or are the youth STILL having sex before marriage? What is the percentage of single adult parents practicing abstinence? What leads to the most stable marriages; feminist values or traditional ones? These are some of the questions I’m going to attempt to tackle. My words/my uncensored thoughts….

>First, here are the proven benefits of  SEX..Sex releases STRESS. Boosts immunities. It helps to keep one’s heart healthy. Helps you sleep. Lowers blood pressure rates. Burns a ton of calories and is a GREAT form of exercise. Boosts self esteem. Boosts endorphins. (including aids with PMS) Makes prostrate cancer less likely(yep, google it if you don’t believe me..) Youthful glow. Lighter menstrual periods with less cramps. Cures world hunger. (Just kidding! )  Now for where I stand regarding abstinence prior to marriage or between marriages..The Moral Case 4 Abstinence Before Marriage VS. The Moral Case 4 Sex Before Marriage…>>Here is  the QUESTION of a LIFEtime that begs to be answered=

>>IS MONOGAMY A REALISTIC RELATIONSHIP GOAL? IS IT NATURAL TO BE MONOGAMOUS? IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAINTAIN MONOGAMY IN A LONG-TERM LOVE RELATIONSHIP?!?

**In conclusion my bottom line is as follows: Teaching abstinence-only to today’s youth is NOT working. Exclamation point. PERIOD. As someone very dear to me & my co-parenting partner taught me years ago WE as parents must deal with reality and NOT our own fairy tale sugar coated versions of reality …and especially preaching to our youth  B-sISH that WE didn’t even practice in our youth! Yep, I was one of those parents that wanted to only teach abstinence until marriage. However, IF as parents we don’t teach children ALL options and realities; then we aren’t giving them the information/insight/ammunition they’ll need for all given situations. And as a parent that just isn’t responsible…not in my opinion. For those parents that want to teach this one-method type of way. Have at it! Your children, your right to teach them whatever you please..just don’t come crying to me or anyone else when your child winds UP with an early pregnancy they’re UNprepared for(and not mature enough for) Or worse! stricken with an STD that can take their very lives. This is our reality and it IS what it IS. On a moral level? Of course the ideal criteria is to wait to have SEX until married to someone one is IN LOVE with. And yep, as parents one often has to preach/teach things that wasn’t followed by self..Because we are to teach what is right! But for some of us less than perfect people(got my hand help UP high) teaching sons from a stance of  “learn from my mistakes” kind-of-way is working just fine…

**Maybe folks had the right line of thinking backintheday…the 60s Flower Children era. Didn’t it seem(or least from pictures I’ve seen…) that everyone was soooo FREE back then? Live N let live! Make love , not WAR. Peace signs were posted all over the place. Folks singing “What the World Needs Now, is LOVE sweeeeet LOVE…Right? So, what happened to change that mindset? What really happened that veeered the sexual  morality views in our country to be what they are in the here and NOW? Here is the way I see IT..

Way back in the 60s least majority of Americans were HONEST about how they felt SEX..Now? We’ve become a society of “closet” sex-lovers. And only GOD knows what truly goes on behind people’s closed doors..Truth is sex is a beautiful act that was created not just 2 populate but also as the BEST natural anti-depressant. Mayhaps IF more folks were having SEX ..there would be NO need 4 all of the drugs being taken to alter moods out there. Depression has become a very serious issue in our country.(another deep topic for another time..)  Pharmaceutical companies globally are  worth  an estimated  $300 BILLION ..Omg & WOW. 

In an ideal world /situation, youth, it is BEST to wait until marriage to share all of the beauty that sex was created for..Some might ask , “What if I’ve decided I don’t want to get married or have children?” Excellent question! Which is one of the reasons why the “wait for marriage theory” isn’t always a good message to preach. Except from a parental viewpoint….I feel the best way to inform the youth(or anyone..) about a topic; give them all sides. The good, the bad, & the ugly. The whole truth. Which is what I’ve tried 2 do from my perspective in my words here. I don’t believe sexual morality is about how long one waits to have sex..It is moreso about the level of respect a person has for themselves & others. How they carry themselves overall..Youth need to be aware of the dangers of sex and its consequences(which can be lifelong) In the same manner we teach youth the dangers & safety tips on how to drive a car; the same should be done in how we teach them about SEX. When we teach abstinence-only the youth are tuning us OUT..The statistics of the amount of youth having sex makes that evident. My sincere belief? I don’t feel that long-lasting love relationships are established when SEX is introduced early. In rare cases, yes. But overall in my heart of hearts I don’t think so. Yet, I do believe that long-term love relationships are for sure enhanced by sex N without a doubt can’t survive without IT..or least in my world !

Monogamy. Who in their right mind created that?!? Must not have been someone who truly enjoyed good sex…However, having expressed that, I do feel monogamy is the BEST type of long-term love relationship. And it is the only type of relationship for me..I do not feel it is a “natural” state of being though.  We’re hormonal creatures by nature. Some of us moreso than others..(hand held UP high) Men are biologically created & driven! 2 have and 2 want SEX..Lest women ever, ever forget that. (and I think sometimes we do…) So given those 2 facts alone makes it highly difficult to maintain a monogamous relationship. BUT the best things in this life aren’t easily attained nor kept. It IS worth it..True love is worth it. Maintaining the sacredness of a marriage is worth it. And it just feeeeeels right 2 know one’s love partner/mate/spouse/lover; is saving ALL of their special loving for YOU. It causes such a euphoric feeling that there is NO substitute for. Exclamation mark. Period  . I’m ending on that note yall. As always stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

^NO sense in mincing WORDS 4 this is a heavy topic*DPCHALLENGE PostADay

**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.

**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..

**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?”  N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus,  his reply is NO.  I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one  of the biggest mistakes  WE as women do/or can make.  From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that   he is NOT  the one. RUN.

**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…

**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”

**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.