Posted in =Self Discovery=, Health Matters*, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*A Problem Shared Is A Problem Lessened?”..Is Venting Good For The Ventee?

We all need a good vent every now and then..Some of us more than others..Having done my fair share of venting, I’ve got wagon loads of compassion for those in need of a good vent..But what about the flip side of the coin? Does the ventee walk away with a warm , fuzzy after-glow? Or is it normal for the ventee to often feel like an emotional bag of bricks was just laid on their shoulders??

Posted in LOVE, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>>What EVERY Child Should Hear From Their Parent At Least Once In Their Lives…



There is no fail-proof manual that comes with raising children…Know why? Because no two children are alike, not even twins, let alone siblings..What I do feel IS universal is parental love..My free flow of thoughts on this near & dear topic is dedicated to my parents… These are a few things I think every child should hear from their parents at least once in their lifetime>>>

I love you always! Unconditionally. From the womb & forever..

I am proud of you!

What do you think? Or, what is your opinion? (and then listen..)

Thank you! (whenever applicable..)

I am human..(we must teach our children, at all ages, it is ok to admit fault & try again..)

Posted in Watercooler Chat

>>>Watercooler Topic<<<< When Did You Last Have a Great Conversation??

Has great conversation become a thing of the past? Remember backintheday when it was all we had? Not snippets of conversation that resemble hashtags either…Think of all the “sips” of conversation we have that don’t involve face to face dialogue(or voice to voice) ..Texting, emails, Facebook, twitter; in every aspect of our lives..From work to romance! It has become a valuable & convenient way to communicate..But does it serve as a substitute for real conversation? Something to think or talk! about indeed…

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Greatest Gift 2 Give in 2014..+ My #1 New Years Resolution*

…I began a list of New Years resolutions..Then decided I’m only going to share the one in the #1 slot..Often I’ve said, the thing a person can give me to show they truly care for/about me? Quality time..Funny thing is I began to believe/say that long before the internet & smart phone revolution! These days in addition to quality time one has to demand & give their FULL attention. How smart are we if we allow our smartphones (or anything else…) to rule our lives? And quality time alone means nada if a person’s cell phone is constantly demanding their attention>>

Ever been out to dinner(or where ever…) & noticed couples both heads bent down on their cell phones??? I’ve often wondered WHY even go out? Nothing irks me more than to spend time with someone who can’t seem to NOT answer their cell phone..Really?? And yet…I find myself quite often checking my cell for texts my dang self…Ugh, talk about hypocrisy! It’s gotten to a point I just turn my cell on mute(which I do for work /church anyways) when I’m spending ‘alone time’ with special folks..How did it ever become so acceptable to give so much attention to our social gadgets? (i.e..cells/Ipads/laptops) I’ve decided it IS only acceptable IF we allow it & do IT..Isn’t that how new norms get formed? So my #1 New Years resolution IS= Pay full attention to those that I give my attention to. Sounds simple enough, right? Now all that is left is to follow through..Until I read/write y’all again stay blessed & happy new years! 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)


Posted in LOVE

>>What I Miss Most About MARRIAGE>>By Special Request*

Even though it is by special request I’m writing this..I had a ball writing it! Conjured UP beautiful memories of beautiful moments/beautiful people/beautiful feelings felt & mutually shared..As I wrote I realized , much as I desire to be married one ‘mo time(last time!) , it isn’t often I think back & reflect..I think I’ve been so hell-bent on a fast-forward momentum ; that I didn’t dare tread too much on past memories of being IN love..Isn’t it said when looking backwards one can fall? And yet…2night felt pretty good to reminisce for a minute! As I did I recollected why I still hold matrimony as the highest of all relationships. Here is a brief list of the things I miss most about marriage>>

#1..The rest of this list won’t be in any certain order..But this one certainly TOPS my list of things I miss most about marriage. I miss with ALL my heart being linked UP with my forever best friend! Which is what I consider a husband..And thanks to a mighty greatttt God I’ve been blessed to have experienced. That feeling of KNOWING my love partner has my back whether I’m at my best or worst; is a feeling of utter complete ecstasy. I can’t even describe it any further without getting emotional about it. Enough said & moving right along>>

2..Having someone to do the driving! Folks that know me & how I feel about traffic & highways know how much I hate IT. I’ll be so, so happy, elated! to once again take the passenger seat..I’ve discovered I sincerely enjoy being able to NOT pay attention to where we’re going..I can’t sight-see when I’m driving! All I can focus on is the crazy drivers around me & they probably feel the same way about me. Lol! >>

3..I miss having someone to put the trash out. With a houseful of men(husband & 3 sons..) I’ve not put trash out for 20 years..And I am ready for someone else to have that responsibility. Forever..>>

4..I miss having someone to go to the market with..Now at the market I find myself reading the backs of all the boxes & packages..WtH? Much as I love to read I’d NOT do that IF I were married..I’d be yapping my husband’s ear off instead. >>

5. I miss holding hands. This stands alone as just that. I miss holding hands with a husband.Period. >>

6. I miss fussing about putting the toilet seat down! I miss being fussed at for rolling the toothpaste tube UP..All the little bantering back & forth that married couples get used to doing. A routine of each others annoying habits..NEVER thought I’d miss that; but yes really do. >>

7. I miss always having someone to lift the heavy stuff. To reach the high spots I can’t reach at 5’4..To go check if a noise is heard late at night in the house(I’m a scaredy cat!) To open doors because chivalry truly isn’t dead. >>

8.. I miss being introduced as someone’s WIFE. Odd as much as I’ve enjoyed(& needed) being single? I’m looking forward to being a Mrs. again. >>

9. I sincerely miss the easy & natural banter between husband & wife. Knowing that no matter disagreement or not; he still loves me all the time. And the banter is a nice , familiar flow that just feels good. Love IS not always what one does. Or what one says..But how one feels when with another . No second guessing to know if its real or not. It is just GOOD. >>

10…This probably should’ve been #2 on the list in rank of importance. Probably more so because I’m in a celibate state of being. I SO dearly miss the union of husband & wife coming together as ONE. For me it is a feeling felt 2nd only to bringing life into the world. Without a doubt.

Well that is a wrap for now..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ~Poetry A Berna Original~

Politically INcorrect * Verbalization*

Reeking of vulnerability & dripping sincerity
Not seeking to don Harry’s cloak of invisibility
Fully present in the moment..
Head first I plunge into my cerebral mental state
Where everything is light in actual weight
Yet heavy
..

I
am
drifting
deep
in
thought


Reflections of a time now so very far backintheday
Least a generation back when to ‘talk’ meant to say
Words voice to voice
Now there’s a choice
But at what cost?
Something has been lost
Inflections don’t get injected
Body language missed..Neglected
Not to mention the lack of social skills
Society seems not to care what it kills..
These days

Anyways
I
digress
..

Coincidentally what I do the best
My gift from God, yep , I’m blessed
Is verbalize
Yet
I realize
It might be a fading fad
*sigh* I find that sad

But I persist!
Just can’t resist
the urge to be who i BE
Preferred mode of communication?
Speak with me & to ME

Dayuuum~

Nothing can replace staring into another’s eyes
Peering deep into their soul as their brows rise
My need to connect with others is strong
I simply refuse to believe that’s wrong
Going along with status quo just ‘ain’t my style
Following my vibe without a script nor backup file
Call me old-fashioned if you like..I truly care less

Real talk for real~

I know everything that IS; isn’t always for the best
Text queen that I am ..ahhh I love it so in a pinch, I really do!
So dang convenient time wise; yet
Nothing easily gained comes for free..this I know 2 be true
I guess if verbalizing indeed has become passé
I’d much rather be told that face to face

Nothing will ever replace
Or take the place
Of
Verbalization
~

Posted in Dating, LOVE

>MULTI-Dating in a Multi-Tasking Era<

It isn’t far-fetched for single people to date more than one person these days..Heck, I’m willing to bet IF more people did prior to marriage; mayhaps the amount of them who cheat AFTER marriage would be on the decline.(..instead of the opposite) But how can a person who believes in monogamous relationships; date multiple people? I’m soon to embark on such a mission to find out! Truth IS many of us back-in-the-day, considered dating, equal to relationship status. It is not though..That isn’t even part of the definition of what dating is. Good ole Wikipedia defines dating as..’Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person’s life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people…’ >>

As with anything; there are benefits & drawbacks to multi-dating..Personally? I’ve not yet encountered either because my quest won’t begin till about the end of next month..Yep, I’m a planner! First benefit I can figure out already? Without having even dipped my toe in the water yet , multi-dating is going to broaden my options. And at a much faster pace than if I were to date one person at a time..At 50 yrs of age? TIME is precious and I don’t plan on wasting any of it>>

Let me first be clear about one thing..Dating IS dating IS dating and does NOT mean SEX. Dating also means not in a relationship/not married/& still single UNTIL a mutual committment has been made. Sex clouds & over-rides good judgement. Sex when casually dating is out-of-place for a reason because SEX isn’t a casual happening. Or least that is the way I see it. Exclamation point. Period>>

Another benefit to multi-dating is it keeps the FUN in dating..Takes the pressure off. My take on it at 50 yrs of age? Take me or leave me as I am. If it isn’t a mutual link-up; then we can be friends. Or not..Personally? There aren’t many folks I’ve met in my life, on any level, that we’re not still friends. Mature folks can handle that. And being that I’m now 50 yrs old; I won’t be dating any little boys. >>

Another benefit I anticipate could happen from multi-dating? Gives both parties a chance to perhaps date out of their ‘usual dating type’. Which, btw, I’ve never done..No one is going to be a perfect match & this allows the chance to date an array of personality types. (after all they can’t all look as superb as Shemar Moore.dangit what a shame that is! ) Doesn’t that sound like FUN already?!? >>

Disadvantages? Hmmm I really can’t think of many that doesn’t differ from dating in general..BUT with honesty..How many reading this know of people who date several people at one time ; yet LIE about it? I’m not lying to get a love relationship; and I’m not lying once I’m in one again. Never has been my style..I think there could be folks, men & woman, who can’t handle dating a multi-dater. No worries; toss them back in the pond & move on. No harm, no foul & thankfully didn’t waste each others’ time. Personally? I have no tolerance for folks with a jealous nature anyway..Zilch. I think the transition from dating to a relationship, would be same as only dating one person. With the exception of single status to taken. >>

Posted in Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

DO Ask DO Tell?

Not too long ago I answered a question someone asked me..Ever had that happen? Random question, or so YOU thought? Asked by a friend or acquaintance; and when you answer HONESTLY but with tact(I try, I try..) you know almost immediately..YOURS was the WRONG answer!?! What I would truly like to know is this..WHY don’t folks who ask questions; give a multiple list choice of CORRECT answers??? I hardly ever mean to offend anyone..UNLESS I’m trying to offend someone on purpose..Which thankfully isn’t often. At all..Nevertheless I’m going to start following these tips from now on when I answer questions people ASK..Y’all ready for this? >>

First on the list is probably the hardest of all..Been in a situation when someone asks you a question & you aren’t sure IF they really want the truth or not? Is being honest always best in all given situations? When IS lying to someone , so as not to bruise their feelings, ever the right thing to do? When I find myself questioning how to answer someone’s personal question & I find myself pausing for reflection on how to answer? I do my best to DIVERT from even answering the question. Its times like those that my gift for gab comes in handy..>>

A very wise good friend of mine once advised me to NEVER ask him a question that I really didn’t want the answer to! Nevertheless folks from time to time will ask me a question that I know, in my hearts of hearts, that a..They won’t like my answer if I respond honestly b. It’s a trap! And knowing/feeling this from the onset I flat-out refuse to respond. No diversion. Just give ’em that look @ Did you really expect me to answer that question??? >>

questiondignify



From timetotime when someone I care about asked a question; I’ll give them a 2 second warning of what type of response I’m going to give..This gives them a chance to stop me before I even begin to respond..IF said person lets me begin to answer it’s at their own risk..I prefer to be answered honestly; even though the truth can sometimes hurt. I’d rather know then not know..Or I’d not have asked. But that’s just the way I see it
>>

I’ll never understand why some ask questions they don’t really want the answer to..Not the honest answer anyway..Why ask? And WHY so often; do folks heap a guilt trip on a person for answering honestly? Especially when they asked the question in the first place??? *slapping forehead* Ask me NO questions & I’ll tell you NO lies(and give me the same in return..)

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

@YOUR Perception is NOT my Reality@

NO 2 people will ever perceive reality in the same way; it is IMPOSSIBLE. That is the ground level base of this topic. It’s a fact. Yet , as humans, for some reason we just can’t help trying to force things to fit. I’m beginning to believe that’s just a part of human nature that can’t be changed..

Perception= per·cep·tion
/pərˈsepSHən/
Noun

The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.
The state of being or process of becoming aware of something in such a way.

Synonyms
realization – understanding – comprehension

…Here I go>>

Just exactly WHAT does the phrase “She/He thinks they’re ALL that” mean?!? Is it meant to be an observation of negative connotation? And how does the person professing this about another person; KNOW what the object of their comment thinks of themselves? Is it how the person they’re speaking of carries themselves? Is it how the person they’re speaking of dresses? And does such a comment become truth; simply because of someone’s perception about another? I can’t tell y’all how many times I’ve heard this remark made about me..And I also can’t tell y’all exactly how many ways I could give less than a care! Personally..I take it as a compliment. Because I really DO think I’m all that & its taken many years to feel that good about myself. Truth be told I’m just getting started! (I’m a continual work in progress..) Translation: My reality is that equals great self-esteem earned from years of blood/sweat/tears/hard work on Self. But what about the many things that folks “perceive” about one another( or situations) ; that just might not be true? >>

In the middle of having a recent conversation with younger family members..A few comments were made in observation of how they viewed others..I asked, ” Did that person tell you that’s how they feel of themselves?” “OR is that your perception?” Which led of course to a far deeper conversation..It led me to wonder how often our own opinions/perceptions become what we BELIEVE to be truth. Clearly this could lead to many misinterpretations and/or misunderstandings; and even missed opportunities>>

Our perception of anything is based on our upbringing/our beliefs/our life experiences..That I believe to be factual. Can that be changed with conscious effort? In otherwards can we change how we look at things? For instance if one is trying to understand where someone else is coming from..Is that possible IF said person has never experienced what the person is trying to express? I’ve heard the saying @ Change the way you look at things to see things differently. But aren’t some things easier said than done?>>

My perception is my reality. Your perception is your reality..Is it necessary for the 2 to align neatly all the time? I’ve come to believe that it is NOT. As humans we often times try to CHANGE another’s mind on matters..Sway them to our viewpoint. That I think is called, A Debate. I love a good debate! BUT I’ve got a way, which I’m working on(as I said I’m a consistent work in progress..) of stating things(my opinionated Alphaness! opinion..) with such conviction; its as IF its Gospel. Or least that’s how I perceive that what I state can sometimes be perceived. Take that for a riddle! Honestly I don’t proclaim to know everything. Matter of fact there is ALOT I’ve still to learn/yearn to learn/hungry to learn…Becoming cognizant about perception regarding communication has me in a highly reflective mode/mood. How many past conversations would’ve gone differently had I (or the other person..) just agreed , quickly to disagree?!? I find myself doing it faster & faster these days..Having had heated debates with very good friends/loved ones to the point of almost NO return(or least from what I perceived..) isn’t something I relish. I’m glad that the adage @ Can’t teach an old dog NEW tricks; isn’t true! My belief? My reality? My perception of this Life Journey? We are never too old to learn new things..And that is one of the beautiful things about Life. Or least that is the way I see IT. What is your perception?


Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

U Talk 2 Much?!?

Its NO secret..I talk alot. I love talking/vibing with people. I am after all a people-loving-social-butterfly..And that isn’t self-professed..That is factual. Nevertheless, while its known that I talk alot..what is that in comparison TO? Folks who don’t talk alot? Folks who do not talk; enough? Whats the gauge? And whose to say which is the norm@ Those who talk too much? OR Those that talk less or not enough? Should I talk less? (Truth B told I’ve been working on brevity for a couple years now…) OR should other folks talk more? Is there such a thing as a Right or Wrong way regarding this topic?  Yep, once again my questions have questions & with good reason…>>

Question of the Day= Is it cool to size another person UP according to our own personal set of standards? AKA(also known as..) judging? Or should we just allow folks to B who they are , otherwise known as @ Live N Let Live…? ***The answer to that question is NO, its not a cool thing to do! But, as humans we do it all the time. As IF we have a right! to project what we feel is “the” way to B or act on another; is acceptable. Why is it that WE feel the need to exert our pompousNESS on other folks? I get UNsolicited running commentary quite often(2 often..) on how much I talk ..and oh! you really love talking don’t you? Or do you ever get tired of talking? My answers? Yep, I talk alot. Yep, I love! talking to people/vibing/interacting/learning about different cultures/learning what makes a person tick/learning about things, stuff! that matters to another person. Yep, sometimes I tire of talking and there is but ONE specific event in my life I don’t do much talking. But, I’ve not had the pleasure of partaking in far too long…On the flip side of that I’ve got but one question to ask. Sort of..What happened to tolerance? Is that not the IN thing anymore?>>

I’m also a people observer..I observe people when they’ve NO clue I’m doing it; they usually thinking cause I’m talking I’m not paying attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. What I’ve observed is more usual than not folks who accept the least; require the most acceptance from others themselves. Trip on that for a minute! & let that sink in…I won’t go too much deeper because y’all probably have already run into those kind of folks. Truly ironic; but it is what it is>>

I wonder if anyone ever told Oprah she talked too much …Backintheday before she became a filthy rich talk show Diva & innovator..Bet IF they did she didn’t give a hot dayum about what they felt; why? Because she knew she had a gift for gab & a dream!; and she was on a mission. A mission to be all she could B & was meant to B. I think Oprah knew long before she made it BIG; what her gift was. But what IF she’d let others judgement of her..change her? The list is very long how many people she’s touched in a positive manner; probably in the thousands. Maybe more…I’ll take that one step further..President Barack Obama might not have made it to the White House without Oprah’s backing..And what a shame that would’ve been! >>

I say all of this to say..IF theres something YOU like doing; that isn’t hurting anyone else; do IT. No one has the right, even though they’ll speculate to your face & behind your back, to tell you what you do to much of OR not enough of. Its simply not their business. Even if they take it upon themselves to act like it IS. Mayhaps they need to micro-manage their OWN lives. Real talk for real..Personally? I gives less than a care (and I sincerely mean this..) about other folks speculations on how much I talk(or anything for that matter) The ONLY expert on Bernadette IS my God. And 2nd to that is lil ole me. And I’m still learning about me(yep, even at almost 50) ; so how in the heck can another person KNOW whats right for me? They simply can’t know..So? I take it all with a grain of salt. And? I limit(seriously..) salt intake in my personal diet. So for all the talkers & gift -for-gabbers out there? Sending y’all a very BIG virtual high 5! (and that includes on my black hand side..baby boomers out there remember that phrase 🙂  ) And for all of US…next time we open our mouths to tell someone about something they do? Think FIRST..Is it productive? Is it a positive critique? Is it a necessary critique? Is it progressive for that person? Or is lack of understanding, acceptance & tolerance? Then? Look in the mirror & figure out what you need to change FIRST.  Me? I’ll be somewhere, talking about something!, to someONE..and loving every minute of IT.  Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only) Do YOU as only U can do*

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^Online DATING Sites..Love is a keystroke away or Losers-R-US?^

As always I’ve got something to say ..I’m not a good fence-rider at all; I usually tilt one way or another on just about any & everything under the sun. Literally…Want to know what my thoughts are on the prospect of looking for love online? This is the way I see IT>

I’ve wondered what type of person uses an online dating site..Wouldn’t they have to be desperate? Don’t they have enough social skills to meet & connect with someone in the offline real world? Haven’t we all heard the horrific horror stories from online encounters?>

How would you know IF a person was being honest on an online dating site? What motivates a person to resort to seeking love online? All of these questions and more come to mind…One would think with all of the potential scams that online dating would be declining. Yet, recent statistics show the number of people participating is climbing. Its at an all time high according to current stats=40 million folks in the U.S. have used online dating sites/140 million folks in China have used online dating sites./The Porn Industry blames its $74 million decline on online dating sites/Average length of courtship prior to marriage from online dating is 18.5 months. Average length of courtship prior to marriage from offline dating is 42 months/20% of single people have dated someone they met online/20% of newly committed people in relationships met on an online dating site…>

I recall after my divorce I said I’d never consider an online dating site..I’ve evolved in leaps & bound since then & have now learned to not utter the phrase” I’ll never do….” again. Life has a way of making us eat our words sometimes or better yet to re-think things. After all there are 2 sides to every coin, right? I’m  hardly desperate but I am highly selective(some call it picky) I think there is a difference between being picky vs. selective. I know what I want/what I need/my worth/my flaws/my weaknesses/my strengths/my best attributes/all that I have to offer a mate/and what I deserve in a man..>

Here comes the PUNCHline and if you’d  pre-guessed my opinion on this topic; it will blow your hair back>

I’m considered , and I totally agree!, to be an otherwise intelligent person..So why would I NOT contemplate broadening my love horizons by dating online?!? After much deliberation that is my new conclusion I’m quickly arriving at..surprise you?  More than sure it will surprise most of the people who know me well also! Theres more>

The flip side of my thoughts of online dating sites. A side B ..(anyone out there remember 45 records??? ) Get with the program and try to keep UP>

Its been said & proven one can meet a total freak!/killer/rapist/pervert!/selfish/UGLY/morally corrupt/& spiritually bankrupt person..on an online dating site. BUT can’t the same also be said for people we meet in offline circumstances? Remember backintheday when singles met & linked UP at clubs? AND, mind you, couldn’t even hear each other talk over the music?? Which setting IS a good place for singles to meet these days? Is Church the only place to meet a potential lifemate? The grocery market? Library?(can’t talk in there!..though I’ve tried hard to whisper..and discovered I don’t know how to whisper) What place these days affords those of us with oh-so-busy schedules to link up for potential love relationships?>


Well from my window seat and soon to be on the market..with my schedule?  IF I don’t get PROactive in the love game; I’ll be single for far longer than I have any intention of being..I refuse! Or at this rate & pace & selection-available-per-my-present-surroundings?!? I’ll soon either a. Be a Nun(lawd! even saying that is weirding me out. b. Lose my natural born mind from hormonal overdose c. adopt a child that needs a home to release all the love I have inside(awwww, honestly, that thought just entered my mind..BUT the idea was instantly reduced down to adopting  a puppy instead) So given the aforementioned options; I’ve thought of a few benefits of possibly  giving an online dating site a try>

#1 . Background checks are easy enough to have run for any reason..online or offline. If a potential meet had an issue with this; they just saved me the money of doing the background check.

#2. I have a high appreciation for a brother who can express himself in written form. And if he can write poetry? Major bonus. Communicating online would give me a chance to see how he or if he can write his thoughts out..Communication is a must in any relationship. Least if he can write it out; if we work out, he can write his thoughts on paper to me. By any means necessary

#3. With the loaded schedule I’ve got this mode of meeting my potential “the one” would really broaden my horizons. It would also allow us to communicate around both of our schedules. Talk about convenient!  Win-win situation until we decide on a meet & greet in person. (is that what they even call it ?)

I know people who have tried the online dating scene ..there are pro’s & con’s just as there are to dating offline. I also know people who  have married who met online & seem happy. Truth be told its not something I’ll be jumping into tomorrow or even next week. But I’ve come a long way to even considering it…and for me? Thats truly a progressiveness to thinking outside the box. I don’t think these days a woman can sit & wait for love to knock on her door. Seems far smarter to put myself in the ballpark if I want to play ball..and I DO. (those words have a beautiful ring to them…)

Anyone out there have an online dating experience worth sharing?

Posted in Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

+WOMANing UP+

                                                                      

Can ya’ll believe I got a special request! WOW ..I’m not one 2 try to disappoint so I figured I’d go for it..Plus might B  kind of fun to write out what my actual expectations are. For the people that requested this I believe(I didn’t even ask..) probably by this time are curious (because I talk sooo much smack about this topic!) @ what type of brother I’d call a “potential” (mentioned that briefly in a prior post) N for the record I doubt highly if I’ll have this much freee time when I’m no longer single.Although who knows because I “make” time (at Odark thirty times like now..) in my very, busy schedule to do what I love 2 do..Write. Only place I don’t yet write is church. (and I’ll probably figure out a way soon to do that 2) So stay tuned folks(and btw its AWESOME to get the feeedback from ya’ll online and my offline family/friends/coworkers that my blog is enjoyable to read . even my ex reads this..blew my hair back! that is my way of saying I am humbled…) later after church I’m going to list (yep I’ve kept mental notes..) what I desire in a lifemate. The must haves. The wont do withouts. The wont settle for lesses. The DEALbreakers..The things I’m willing 2 work with..My entire list. Buckle UP this is going to be good..I can hardly wait 2 see this list myself. 🙂

I’m finally back! Wasn’t sure I was going to make it back 2night but here we go…First things First..Disclaimer: IF this post appears to be all about ME..it is because it IS. At this point of my life, for the 1st! time in my life, I’ve had the unique opportunity for the past 15 months to just do ME. Sons raised N in college(in other states than where I reside), single, divorced-yet-very-good-friends-with-exhusband who also resides cross country, happily/gainfully employed by a government entity, HAPPY! , busy, busy, busy, and very content to do me while I wait on the ONE to discover me. Once he finds me  then my ” just doing me” time will end. Far from desperate and trying to use every moment of precious time to live life to the fullest. There is life sans a man…N its so very good to me. YET its my belief that the missing link that will amp things UP and make life even sweeter is when my I becomes a We. Now that this is out of the way lets move on 🙂

As stated in a prior post I believe there are 3 categories guys fall into. Ever heard that old adage@many fish in the sea? It is so very true yet in my hearts of  hearts I believe there IS truly only ONE out there that God created just to love me N only me..I believe he’s looking for me! And I’m standing over here, at 5’4, waving my hand in the air so he can see me in the crowd. Here I stand and am I ever SO ready for you to walk into my life…yet staying busy in the interim and BEing patient. Or if truth be told I’m trying very hard to B..So anywayz as I was saying guys fall into 3 categories when meeting new folks. 1. Potential. defined simply as a potential lifemate..2. Just friends..right out the gate I can sense this..3. Toss them back into the pond & quickly! dont have an interest to even be friends because their qualities are severely lacking anything remotely near respectful..Now that ya’ll know the background on what I was referencing lets move on to my list. Ready? Get set. Lets go!

the Must haves=

  • must B a practicing Christian! My #1 N I won’t settle 4 less
  • must B a responsible  parent physically, emotionally N mentally(if a parent)
  • MUST have good communication skills! my #2 because I’m not a mind reader nor will I pretend 2 B.
  • is DONE fishing. simply said I’ve got NO love/patience 4 a player. exclamation point period.
  • emotionally available N if this needs 2 B explained then you aren’t..so therefore don’t qualify
  • kind . yep, this honestly matters 2 me
  • their “word” is like a handshake(N solid)  used 2 B backintheday..this truly matters 2 me also
  • HONEST..this is my #3 and goes hand in hand with their “word” being solid
  • Confident! I truly dig Alpha brothers so this comes naturally…
  • LOYAL..this is a close runner up to  my #2..another exclamation point period.
  • RESPECTS  his parents..this is a MUST..the adage@ if he respects his mother he’ll respect his woman  is true
  • TRUSTworthy ..this ranks somewhere between my #1 N #2
  • is cognizant of my feelings N mindful that I’m a naturally sensitive person
  • *HEALTH conscience* Life longevity is important 2 me. And feeeeeeling good from the inside out. While I don’t require someone that is a body builder I do desire someone who cares about their appearance including their health N what shape they’re in physically. Maintaining oneself physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally  is something I feel is important

the things I am willing 2 work with=

  • I pray he has an appreciation 4 music N can dance! however I’m willing 2 work with it if he doesn’t
  • practices chilvary..while I do love this it is something I can take or leave..long as he is goooood 2 me
  • can appreciate a woman who can amuse herself from time2time(my writing!) and he can have “whatever”time(whatever HE chooses 2 do also)
  • attentive N fully engaged when interacting…this matters 2 me and shouldve been in the must-haves!

the DEALbreakers=

  • can’t handle monogamy..I can’t/won’t deal with cheating. highest form of disrespect to me N our “we”
  • asks 2 borrow  money the 1st 90 days of dating..OMG this is so much a dealbreaker!
  • LIES to me or is deceitful. this is a runner UP of my #1. I’m an open book and my man will B also
  • tries 2 change ME and won’t accept ME/love ME/cherish ME as I am. another close runner UP of my #1
  • has substance abuse issues=Illegal drugs isn’t my style. N though I gave UP social drinking quite some time ago (years ago now..) N I’ve no problem with folks drinking socially; matter of fact I don’t know many folks who don’t drink socially (tho I ride on a natural high N have just as much FUN now as when I was a social drinker..)BUT there is a major difference between a social drinker and abusing alcohol. N if I have 2 explain the difference than you probably don’t qualify..
  • MARRIED..this is my #1 in the dealbreaker category. Within the 1st few mins of meeting a woman 1st time a brother SHOULD rightfully make sure it IS clear if he’s married…Nowadayz I guess the IN thing is to not wear a wedding ring.Pfft! I won’t get deep on this topic(thats another topic for another time…) Just please do NOT attempt to “hit” on me while married; for I won’t be held responsible for what will come from my lips..N nope! with that kind of beginning we can NOT be friends either..