Posted in "Just for fun", ***DPCHALLENGE, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

>>WHY are MEN so CLUELESS?!?>>

Before anyone out there gets all UPtight..this post is ALL in fun. It is a direct piggy-back female version to Opinionated Man’s blog post called ‘Women are Crazy’. I thought it would be cool, challenging and FUN to also poke fun at a couple things about MEN..Going to try my best to match his wit/skills. ~

>Mayhaps the best way to open the door to this topic wide right out the gate is to begin with the..Remote Control. I’ll keep it simple guys so there should be NO issue with understanding the message. I took a vote from as many women as I could gather up and the general consensus is this= Ya’ll can HAVE total control over the T.V. remote control;  as long as you agree to ALWAYS put the toilet seat down. Deal? Alright, cool moving right along…

>Now here is a whopper. WE women voted unanimously  on this one= We’ll serve you breakfast in bed every morning/run your bath water/have dinner cooked when you get home from work/get UP in the middle of the night to get you a glass of water/never “claim” to have a headache when you wake us UP in the middle of the night for some loving, etc etc yada yada..as long as you NEVER take issue with the few times we might ask you to pick up our feminine products. Don’t trip..trust me on this one, NO ONE in the store will think its  yours! Deal? Alright cool lets move on I’m just getting started..

>This is sans a GPS system or mapquest..Alright guys we figured it out. WE know when you know that we’re lost! We also will let ya’ll fake the funk for a while driving around and around in circles..We’ll also act as if we didn’t see the same streets and buildings already the first 3 times we passed them. Ok? But it might be nice, every once in a while, if you just admit it and say, “Know what baby;  I have NO clue where we are or how to get where we’re going!” And then just stop to ask someone else for directions. *slapping forehead* Enough said, moving right along…

>Guys? Please stop believing dubious relationship tips your guy friends are passing along to you. Every woman deserves to be treated /trusted based on her OWN merit. Same as you wish to be regarded/treated/respected…ya’ll having fun yet? There is more…

>When your woman says ‘Lets talk baby’ for the love of God don’t trip! It doesn’t mean she is dumping you(unless you know you’ve been messing UP badly…) ..what it means it she wants your undivided attention to talk about something that is important to her. Keep in mind women get oxytocin from having deeeeep , meaningful talks with you.(also from nursing babies & sex) Whereas men mainly get the same from having sex! Don’t believe me? Google it… So just relax/LISTEN/ and things will go smoothly so you can get back to  your fave T.V. show. Agreed? I’m almost finished now…

>Guys? There is NO reason to start an argument or worse LIE to go hang with your guy friends. Matter of fact a mature, self confident , self assured woman..knows you NEED your male-bonding time. So go have a good time; you deserve it. Grown folks need their own space sometimes..its normal..but to lie about it or start an argument over foolishness is a deal-breaker. Gets negative amount of brownie points in my world. Honesty still counts with some of us

>A few “nevers”= NEVER call your woman a Bi_ch! I don’t care if she is acting like one; don’t call her out of her name with this word. It is one of the worst things a man can call a woman. And IF she acts like this on a consistent basis..then perhaps you need to re-evaluate what type of woman you’re attracted to. There is no need for such ugliness…Also NEVER ask your woman if she’s gained a few pounds. Do NOT make any comment even close to , fat. Now she might very well be blowing up weight wise..but a wise man won’t tell her that. Oh! if she is acting cranky; never, EVER, even on a bad day say that its cause she is on her period..let her say it. But you better not . Don’t say I didn’t warn ya’ll..Alright, here comes my last one…

>Last but not least..stop saying we don’t value your opinion. We do! Most of us anyway..we’d not be with YOU if we didn’t respect you/adore you/need you/desire you/love you. Which includes respecting your male perspective..there is nothing more comforting to a woman than to hear her man’s honest opinion. Why? Because we know he has our best interest at heart and has our back…At the end of the day WE can’t live without ya’ll. Man and WOman weren’t  meant to live without love. And that takes 2. Love is what makes us thrive and flourish..and everyone, wants to be loved. The beautiful thing about a relationship is when it works! And it takes 2 people who accept each other with  flaws/faults..none of us are perfect. Love is worth putting up with a few minor issues..or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~~~La Bella Vita…~~~

~’There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere — and of leaving it behind them when they go.’ ~ Quote by  Frederick Faber

~”We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.  The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~ Quote by Ray Bradbury

La bella vita is an Italian phrase that simply means= A beautiful life. I made a vow to myself a few years back to do all things possible to promote beautiful moments & experiences  in my life.  I figure I can connect all of the beautiful moments/experiences(like connecting the dots..) together piece by piece to equal a beautiful life. I surround myself  with beautiful people whose beauty comes from deep within..I’ve drastically limited the amount of stress I allow myself to endure. I laugh N laugh from the inside out N smile so hard somedays my cheeks hurt by days end! I surround myself with lovely , bright colors and I adore lush green plants for plants signify”growth in life”. I made a promise to myself to visit places I find beautiful..like the beach at dusk. The picture above is a beach near here in Clearwater; in the very near future I’ll be standing on that beach to watch nightfall come..I bounce out of bed at O dark thirty every morning eager to watch the sunrise on another day; a new beginning! The quiet, hush while all is still dark yet with the promise of a new day peaking; is so serene to me. It is at that time I feel the closest to my GOD. Beauty personified indeed! There are SO many ugly, funky things happening in the world that we can not change..That we don’t understand or can’t grasp our mind around why they occur..For a brief moment I wanted to share how I embrace and rein beauty into my life. I refuse to get sucked into the filthy muck of this life..Think about things you can do to welcome beautiful moments/experiences into your life. Before you know it the dim of the funky and ugliness going on in the world; will be so faint that it can’t disturb your positive VIBE.  That is something I strive for every, single day…I can attest that it works if you stick to it. I deserve ALL  the beauty that this life journey has to offer. Don’t you?

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words

>Got dreams 2 remember? Come step off the hamster wheel 4 a minute & re-claim it..

definition of HThat message is SO  profound; I had to post it twice..amping myself up to let my thoughts flow on this one. Very deep & personal subject matter for me. Ready? Get set…

Did you know what YOU think; is what YOU attract? Let that sink in for a minute..and take this thought with you also. @ ““The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her/his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

**Remember all the passion, drive, ambition, goals, DREAMS ya’ll had when leaving the “nest”? That all encompassing feeling of thinking , I can DO it all and I know it all! ; and I’m going to do this, and travel there! , etc etc, yada yada..And then life happened. Bills, marriage, more bills, house with a picket fence, more bills!, children, more bills, children’s education, more BILLS..and in between off to work we go….Its all too easy to get SO caught up in co-raising children and holding down a marriage/love relationship plus taking care of the household; to forget one’s OWN dreams. Or least it was for moi(me) My dreams took a major back seat…by design. For once I became a Mother; it became my full time job. And the most important JOB that I’ll ever have..When I became an empty-nester; I honestly didn’t know how to handle IT. It didn’t come easy to me as many would think it should..It was traumatic. Thoughts of “What do I do NOW?” “OMG my sons don’t neeeeed me anymore”  etc…Suddenly it seemed as if my days lasted forever. I didn’t know what to DO with all the extra time. I had forgotten my dreams. And I was totally clueless how to “desire” my old passions/dreams/goals as I once had. But now, thanks to a mighty GOD, and an extremely loving family/friends; I can remember my dreams. And daily I’m working on attaining them one by one. I dream BIG and I dream in living COLOR>

I think one of the main keys to staying progressive IS; staying positive! We have to keep ourselves UPlifted. We have to believe in ourselves before anyone else will. And we have to know we can achieve ANYthing we desire. IF we can dream it; we can do IT. Or least that is the way I see it..and I’m living it. I’ve come to believe that nothing easily gained is worth it. Nada..I’m  a worker bee..And if you spend time around me; I’ll put you to work also. Nothing changes; until something changes..and that means keeping it moving. Was Rome built in a day? Absolutely not..but it took a TON of folks to build Rome UP. And I’m willing to bet it began with a dream that it could happen..

The Laws of Cause & Effect are strong in our lives..Once we truly realize that; any goal can be accomplished. Are you at cause so you give yourself the power to make the choice about how you think, feel and act and you create the life you want or are you at the effect of everything life throws at you so you see everything as negative and are always looking for something or someone to blame for your what happens to you in life? Let that sink in for a minute. And being honest with self in answering that helps..

And last, but certainly not least..HELP  someone else reach their dream while you’re striving towards yours. Lending a helping hand to others , for me, has brought me joy..it just feels good! And, believe it or not, when you least expect it..it comes back tenfold. Amazing how that works out

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013

>A *b* PLAN..MISeducation of 2days BLACK youth>Black History Month Tribute

Let me be clear..I’m PRO education. Exclamation mark. Period. Life has a way often times of getting in the way of our goals & dreams. WE also  have a way of getting in our “own” way. There is a difference. Yep, *rant alert* because I’m on 1…

“In 100 years, it won’t matter if you drove a Cadillac
or a Chevy. It will matter what we do for children.”
— Reverend Anjohnette Gibbs

**One more quote/background..then I’ll give my opinion on this topic. Bear with me because I’m digging deep. Not easy subject matter to broach; but so very important. **

“ It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Frederick Douglass

>America is failing its young Black boys. In metropolitan ghettos, rural villages and
midsized townships across the country, schools have become holding tanks for
populations of Black boys who have a statistically higher probability of walking the
corridors of prison than the halls of college. Across America, the problem of Black male
achievement seems intractable. We fail our Black sons more than any other racial or
ethnic group.< Excerpt taken from Fall 2011 Edition of Policy Evaluation & Research Centers’ Policy Notes…

 

I’ve got many PHDs..One in Life.(including the school of hard knocks)  One in Family. One in Love Relationships/Marriage.  I’m still working on attaining my actual “paper” PHD..As  my eldest son is ,now only a few  months away,  from actually having his PHD  it brings to mind some of the many questions I’ve answered (or attempted to..)over the years regarding education. Questions from my sons and naysayers who say the time has come for Blacks to weigh whether a college education is really worth it. I could use alot of old adages to express why I feel it IS; but I won’t.  I could even post more graphs to illustrate the impact a college education has on one’s lifetime income; but I won’t. Last but not least I guess I could say what I truly feel…the price of a college education is not rising for NO reason. Is it purely based on the economy that tuition and books have skyrocketed? Or is there a very logical reason behind the madness? IF college costs keep rising at a rate of 15% in 2 years(the average from 2008 to 2010) ; it will become increasingly unaffordable for the poor or even the almost non-existent middle class…

Honestly? I can understand why the youth might ask these questions..What about ALL of the folks with degrees that are JOBless? Is a college education worth going into knee -deep debt for? Why can’t I quit college  when an excellent job with benefits comes along? How do I KNOW there will be jobs available when I’ve got my degree? What IF I’m not college material and I fail & waste all that time/money?

My stance? By whatever legal means necessary college is still worth it…nobody ever said anything worth it was going to be easy. Or without sacrifice. And these days a TON of moolah..Or good grades! to offset cost by landing a scholarship or grant. Which leads me back to where I began with this topic. Anyone out there know what the average reading level of 12th grade Black males was  in 2010? On average, Black 12th grade students read at the level of White 8th grade students; or lower. Quite impossible to gain academic scholarships with those stats..Some don’t even consider college as a viable option. Sad, isn’t it? And then we wonder why prisons are filled with Black males; and college campuses aren’t. And we all know its happening because the media posts the stats EVERYWHERE; on purpose. With a purpose..

In my opinion when ANY group of society is lacking or falling behind; ALL parts of society will be impacted by it..I’ll let you think about that for a minute before I proceed.

I’ve tried to analyze where “we” can begin to solve this major issue..First, I guess one would have to figure out where it begins. Heres a quick breakdown..In any given situation PARENTS are/or should rightfully be a child’s first teacher. Giving guidance, direction and stability, etc, etc. Why isn’t that happening with today’s Black youth? Especially young Black men..Sometimes an issue can seem so HUGE we don’t know how to tackle it. Don’t even know where to begin solving it. But that doesn’t mean don’t do anything or attempt. And I also feel that those of us who have the wherewithall & care enough about the future; have to give till it hurts! Give our ourselves, our time, our experience, our ideas for progression, mentor!, etc..It is mind boggling to me that the situation has gotten this BAD. I don’t know about you but I’m tired, no tyeeeed, of seeing the dismal statistics. How can we, with good conscience, not do our part to help? We can’t…

Bottom Line~ IF or when your children , or anyone, asks you any of the aforementioned questions..You can use my answer if you like; I’ll let you borrow it…College is ALWAYS worth it.(or some form of higher education)   My own Dad taught me long ago that one thing that could “never” be taken from me: knowledge. And in society these days that translates to a degree. A piece of paper , true!, but it is the way it is these days. A high school diploma doesn’t hold the weight it once did…In a quick minute a bachelors degree won’t even be enough to get a decent job. And that clock is ticking rapidly. A college degree isn’t a guarantee to get a job; never was! But it can open doors…and once inside that door it can lead to rapid promotion. Personally? I think high school should extend for another 2 years…An associates degree should be part of the regular public school system curriculum. But that is another topic for another time. And if saying ALL of that; doesn’t satisfy the person who asked you if college is worth it.  The very , very final answer I resort to when I’m truly desperate IS…Because I said so!

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, @Cultural, LOVE, Motivational!, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~~CONFESSIONS of a Single, Sexy, Divorced Sista~~Black History Month Tribute

I make this look ALOT easier than it really “tis..Alot of my commentary about “being  single & waiting for my ‘The One’ might come across as IF it is always …A walk in the park/through rows & rows of rose petals/and full of fabulous, sunny days..While 99.9% of my days ARE full of sunshine/tons of smiles/& even more laughter; it is some of those after-hour moments that can be trying at best. Shows like ‘Sex in the City‘ & even the black casted “Girlfriends‘; didn’t always reveal the “real” scoop. …

Majority of the time I can’t/won’t lie; my vibe is right and tight. No complaints with being single & sexy other than…I’m ready to NOT be single! I am ready for my onceinalifetimeloveofalifetime. And before I dive in deeper this song will or should set the background for the foreground; that I’m getting ready to lay down. Just so there are no misinterpretations of where I’m coming from..

Now that its been established the phase of life I’m in…Its the notsofabulous moments when thoughts of temptation can creep into the crevices of my mind..Usually right before I go to sleep when I’m finally; still. Those times when the part of my inner self? has doubts>

That “trouble-making” part of self that attempts to disturb my groove of feeling hecka-fied and awesome..Asks funky questions like: What IF waiting on “the 1” is for naught?!? Where the heck is HE? Is he lost??? Is time spent going to make up for these months of waiting? Why isn’t THE time for love right now? Maybe Mr Right Now is better than waiting for Mr Right..

I don’t profess to speak for all Black women..BUT I can not be the only one going through IT. However I am so busy it isn’t often I have time to even get “that lonely feeling”. That feeling of remembrance…of how sweet love can be and IS. *sigh* Certainly I can’t be the only Sista trying to walk the walk; and talk the talk…Single by choice and actually I’m not even dating yet, lol!, BUT I’m close to being ready to date..I guess I was hoping I’d run into Mr Right and he’d be SO awesome, that I’d be forced to give up my “dating hiatus”. After all I am a dreamer; and I dream BIG and in color…

Truth be told I’ve never waited on love before..this is my very first time. There isn’t much of my adult life that I’ve spent *single and unattached*. I’m far more used to being part of a love union than..this. I don’t even know if I’m doing this right! How does one know when it is their very first time? And how much longer can I endure those late night thoughts that creep in? Not sure how many more sheep I can count..

That nagging feeling that comes when my body is tired yet..mymindisstillracing gets me SO amped up I think about the unthinkable. A long distance relationship. Ugh! Or what about joining an internet dating site? Double Ugh! But holding on the hope of all hopes that not ALL of the outstanding brothers are married..IF so where the heck are they?! I keep running smack into hot married ones on this coast. Triple Ugh! And I refuse to go down that road…Did all of the hot, outstanding ,single,   brothers move to the right coast when I relocated to the left coast?!?? OMG

The really great news? I don’t have these type of thoughts often..though honestly I’ve had them alot more than when I first decided to take a breather from dating..More fabulous news? Overall the results have far exceeded what I’d wished for. Doing ‘me’ for a minute was one of the best decisions of my life..And I know, in my heart of hearts , I’m so close to the finish line. I can feel it! I can and will overcome those “nagging” late night thoughts & temptations..because settling now would truly mean I’d wasted alot of precious time learning me/doing me/reaching for my dreams, etc etc yada yada. And the best news of all? I feel so much better after this rant and venting it all out…exhaling is necessary from timetotime. Thank you GOD for blogging ;for its served as such a sweet release. Problem solved for now…

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Are Bill Cosby & Oprah right? Black Kids Don’t Value EDUCATION anymore…

Or do they?…That question is just begging to be asked/discussed.  But whether it can be answered simply is yet to be seen or done. Its indeed a quite complex situation that needs direct action/solutions to change it. The finger-pointing, complaining, and blame game isn’t changing a thing… 

Ever heard the old adage @’Put your money, where your mouth is?’..And when a person DOES indeed , do just that, shouldn’t they rightfully be able to speak their mind about it? Well..when Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey..after years and years of donating tons of MONEY to inner city schools and Black colleges spoke out there was outrage from many in the Black Community. Yet, the issues they both spoke out on still exist to this day, if not moreso…

**I don’t pretend to know all of the answers to this issue or any issue I blog about..What I do intend to do is lay down some of the background/state my opinion/and pray like heck it can urge folks reading this to care enough to DO something to change things for the better. ANY generation is supposed to move to higher levels than the one before it. It is something my own Daddy taught me /practiced/and believed in since I was born…It is the same practice I practiced with my sons..And it should be what everyone is doing. I did NOT disagree with what either Bill Cosby or Oprah Winfrey have publicly said.. I’ll explain why & will also recant a conversation I had just last night with a LIFElong Black educator that has worked hands ON with inner city youth..~~

    The biggest issue I’ve got with all of the “outrage” about what Bill Cosby & Oprah have said IS..nothing has been done since to IMPROVE the situation or the statistics they spoke of. Furthermore, no one! had an issue with either of them when they poured MILLIONS of their money into Black inner city schools/areas and Black colleges. As a matter of fact, for those who recall, even as far back as when he was doing the Cosby show…Bill Cosby was donating mega bucks to education AND mentoring the youth on his show to go TO college. So no one can say he didn’t put his money where his mouth is..but when he finally got fed UP and spoke on what he saw  & felt was reality?!? Whoa! suddenly majority of folks, Black folks, forgot ALL the years & moolah he’d donated and he was instantly a “traitor/elitist/classist/ill-informed/& just downright wrong to have aired the Black community’s dirty laundry. BUT the question is’Was he wrong??’

        I can answer that for I’ve far less money and no celebrity status like Cosby(which is why I actually think folks got mad about what he said…but thats another topic for another time) and my answer is NO, he wasn’t wrong. He was so dead on that its beyond embarrassing to admit..but that doesn’t make it any less true. Here is just a tidbit of info to substantiate his stance >

How much money does one have to donate/give voluntarily before their opinion matters??? Where else was Bill Cosby or Oprah supposed to have “aired” their feelings on the matter? First of all Oprah was responding to folks “complaints” about where she spent HER money to build a school…and then folks got mad when she said what she said! *slapping forehead*

I was having a conversation last night with someone about education..He’s been an educator for the majority of his LIFE..Actually came out of retirement to mentor/teach children again..Has received lifetime achievement awards for all he’s done..and yet guess what? He said the same thing that Bill Cosby and Oprah have said. And yep, he’s Black also; just not filthy rich like them. He basically said todays’ Black youth just don’t get it! And that they take an education for granted; whereas in other countries like Africa(where Oprah opened her school..) they don’t. One of the things Oprah did say is ask kids what they want here; they’ll said an Ipad. Ask kids in Africa and they’ll say books or uniforms to go to school…which is why Oprah said she finally just stopped visiting American schools. What would you have done? I’ve even heard folks say well rich folks get a tax break for donating..which is true. BUT they didn’t ‘have ” to choose to donate to Black schools or colleges. Enough with the excuses ..we ALL know the situation is as bad as Cosby and Oprah said it was. If not worse. So why not keep it real and do something to change it? Like Oprah did..

I’m almost finished..1st a few tips/ideas/and a few things I did while co-raising my sons to promote education>

1. Don’t wait until your child is born to READ to them..Begin reading to them in the womb. Sounds insane, but it works! And you’ll actually feel them moving around in your womb more when you’re reading; if they like the book.

2. Start teaching your child about college before they can speak..They’ll hear you & they’ll remember. I preached college so much to my sons; that I’m sure they were sick of hearing it..and my neighbors probably were also. But I meant it…and my goal was to get all 3 sons into the college door. And that mission was accomplished.

3. Join PTA groups, GO to ALL parent teacher conferences for every , single report card..if you can’t get off from work then have the teacher do it over the phone. They will…they’re public servants and work for YOU..and most of them want to do their job. Alot of educators are shocked at the amount of parents NOT involved in their child’s education. It is NOT their job to do the job of teaching everything to YOUR child. It won’t work unless its a 2 party agreement. Teacher + Parents or Parent

4. Turn the boob tube OFF while kids are studying. Promote a study environment..this carries on with them for life. Take them to the library so they get used to READING and studying in a quiet environment. And censor/limit the amount of time they watch the boob tube,  period. Also censor what music they listen to. I cared less our sons could still hear it outside of our home..I was NOT going to contribute to it in our home. Its about the best a parent can do these days

5. Link up with people on school boards your child is in or run for school board positions. I learned a TON of stuff I didn’t know when I ran for/attained a position on a Catholic school board. A ton of valuable insight..

6. Talk to your kids very early on about what college they want to go to…long before they enter high school..Start the talk about mid 8th grade for the high school years will fly by!

7. Do NOT make not going to college an option..it is a MUST these days.

8. Start saving for college when they are BORN. This is one of the biggest differences between the “classes”..most of them time “us” working folks feel we can’t afford to save for our kids college funds. BUT if you’re driving a car that costs 80,000/wearing tennis that cost 200/and carrying a purse that costs 1,000…you could’ve afforded to put that money in an account or investment for your kids college fund. WE have got to get our priorities straight.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, @Cultural, Motivational!, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~~An Open Letter 2 My Black Sista’s~~Tribute to Black History Month*Written with love..

Had to show my Sista‘s some love during my venture of blogging Blackness during Black History Month..This letter format was inspired from Nova Giovanni..A brother whose a fellow WordPress blogger, comedian, radio personality, active philanthropist, social activist & author. The brother is busy for sure! And his site is listed in  my faves if ya’ll want to check him out..

Dearest Sista, I write this letter with the UTmost love, respect and regard..Sight unseen I know you’re beautiful! And the world does as well. How do I know? Many women from coast to coast and around the world try with all their might! to EMULATE  you. Don’t you find it odd when there are tons of stereotypes /racist , funky comments(usually behind our back …) about US; over the years in increasing numbers WE are imitated and envied. How so? From as far back as Bo Derek “others” wanted OUR  hairstyles; from braids to cornrolls! Folks pay big bucks to “tan” their skin in an attempt to gain our fabulous skin tones. Butt implants and fuller lip injections are the latest rage; attributes WE were born with naturally. And OUR Black brothers(men)? Well they’ve been desired by “others” since the beginning of time…Yet, you my Sista, were created beautiful just the way YOU are!

From the natural sashay of our curvy hips as we walk..to the way we can pull it together even during times of crisis..to the graceful way we age naturally withOUT even the many wrinkles to betray our true age…Black Women rein supreme when they’re at their BEST. When a Sista has come “into her own” she isn’t just a glowing sight to behold; she is pretty much unstoppable in achieving her dreams/goals/aspirations. She can come from the depths of poverty and abuse; to unlimited financial status. With finesse! Oprah is a perfect example of that very fact..and thus makes it possible for all of US…

But my dearest Sista, I wonder in the sincerest of ways, if YOU truly know from whence you come..Do you walk as IF  you love yourself? Is there pride in the way you carry yourself? When you look in the mirror are you proud of what you see? Do you  know that you walk on the shoulders of those who gave their lives for you to have the world at your fingertips? Are you living UP to your God given purpose? I never gave birth to the daughter I yearned for ; BUT if I’d had a daughter these are some of the things I’d have shared with her..

1. When you’re in your 20s you’ll think you know everything! When you reach your 40s..you’ll realize you didn’t know HALF as much at 20 as you’d thought you did. The lesson? Listen to your parents even when you think they’re not hip ! as you…truth IS they don’t just think they know it all. They do! As you mature gather people into your “inner circle” who can mentor you…Mentors aren’t just for college students. Choose people who have achieved goals they’ve strived for. Choose people who are already in places or careers you’d like to attain. And listen/observe every , single thing you can.

2. Choose your lovemates WISELY. Like Judge Judy says to all the whining women who complain about their misfortune with men; YOU picked him! Choose men not just based on looks or how fine he IS(although I won’t lie physical attraction IS a must) but also on his admirable traits , level of smarts, respect for his parents(important!) , his level of compassion, belief in GOD(sorry its the way I feel so I can’t leave that out) and bottom line ask yourself if he is a good person at heart..Who your mate IS is a direct reflection of YOU. Or it should be…

3. Hard as it IS sometimes remember your body is a precious temple..Treat it as such. If you take care of your body in your 20s; when you reach your 40s you won’t look like you’re 100 yrs old. Starting good physical habits in your 20s is far easier than later in life…Old habits are very, very hard to break. Consider your “precious temple” before you give it easily over to a Man..make sure he is worthy of your “essence” . Every time you give of “yourself” ; you’re giving away a piece of your essence.

4. There is NO one person who can be your everything! Nor should you need them to be..that was a hard lesson for me to learn. Just glad I finally did. A lovemate should compliment all that you are. Like ying and yang..doesn’t mean you have to be twins. And can often mean you’ll be opposites in many ways..BUT you should share core mutual interests. I’ve seen a pair of opposites work in sync for over 50 years; my parents.

5. NEVER be afraid to be different even when in a crowded room of Idontcarehowmany! NEVER be afraid to share your passions..NEVER be afraid to do your own thing. BE original. BE the first. DO YOU..you’ll find it alot more satisfying than being a follower. And more often than not folks will follow you…Let your little light shine and let it shine brightly. You only get one life/one shot to do this life.

AintIAWomanfurthertofly6. Stand FIRM in your convictions/beliefs when you feel with all your being that you’re right..but pray for discernment before doing so. However, also learn to know when to “fold” and give in ..its a thin line indeed..but it can be done. Trusting your “gut woman’s intuition” will save you many a heartache or misfortune; so learn to trust it 100%! Majority of the time our “first inclination” is totally accurate. It IS when we as women doubt ourselves we usually fall short…

7. Embrace who YOU are; Black roots included. Let NO one convince you that being Black is ugly or bad..your Blackness is a part of you that should be nutured..Learn your history and cherish it. Never , ever forget the many who died for you to go to uncharted territory they only could dream of. When you walk out of the door every , single day! you represent your ancestors, your parents, and YOU. Act like it..always..including how you dress! Translation: Cover UP your behind and breasts; unless of course you’re at the beach.

8. Strive to constantly strengthen your “spiritual being” and your FAITH in GOD. Without God you can do nothing; and with GOD you can do anything you dream of. Real talk….you never walk alone. Ever. Once you realize that the entire world/universe! will look different to you.

9. Last but not least remember always YOU were created for a reason! No child is an accident; even ones WE didn’t plan. You’re a unique creation…a one of a kind. One and only YOU. Strive to reach your God given purpose..Work always to improve “self” for we’re always a work in progress. And love, love!, LOVE your counter-part. Your Black Brothers. For even if you don’t fall in love with one..you were created to support HIM. Whether it is as your Father/Daddy/Son/friend/confidant/lover/or husband..do NOT tear him down. For if you do you’re also tearing down a part of YOU..and it is quite impossible to raise outstanding Black sons into beautiful Black MEN; without a sincere RESPECT for Black Men. It is quite simple to understand when looked at from that aspect….Whatever you do enjoy your life. Its a life full of chances to fall down , learn from mistakes!, and dust self off and keep right on moving forward. Love your life; and live the life you love. Anything less is a waste of time…DO YOU and do you to the best of your ability. If you do you’ll have little to no regrets.

 

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~BLACK FATHERS:Present,INVOLVED,& Engaged..The Not*Sung*Enough*Song~

In dedicating this week’s posts to ALL things pertaining to Black America..in honor of  Black  History  Month..I’d be  remiss in not giving proper attention/adulation/RESPECT to BLACK FATHERS. I should’ve begun and ended with this topic; but I needed time to gather my thoughts  to give this topic the HIGH regard it deserves. I can only pray I give it the DUE  justice it so rightfully earns. Here is my very best attempt to stand UP and  pay homage to the Black MEN whose  positive side is notoriously ignored by the media, the paparazzi, often times by Black WOMEN themselves..

**This is a subject near & dear 2 my heart as a 4ever & very LOVED  Daddy’s Girl. I dedicate this piece as a tribute to the MAN who gave me life/has been my life-line in my darkest of days/and who has been the voice in my life journey that could instantly bring me comfort when I needed it the most/and beloved lifemate & lovemate of my Mom.. I love you always, Daddy!**

~”Mothers can not be Fathers…Fathers can not be Mothers”  EACH role is distinctly important and that is far too often disregarded by the Black community. In the same regard a FATHER’s role is CRUCIAL in a child’s development; no different than it takes both sexes to make a baby…it should rightfully take BOTH to properly raise a child. Exclamation point. Period..Nonetheless many a Black woman has HAD to take on both roles. Or in some cases , far too many, overlooked and under-mined a Father’s role in their child(rens) lives. Which, in my opinion, is a GREAT disservice to the child. Because society does its best to depict Black Fathers as UNneeded; Black Mothers/Women have got to play double -duty letting them know they’re ESSENTIAL. It is a part of our unspoken JOB even though we fall short at times doing so…

>For far too long the “rumors” that resonate as so called “facts” in American society about Black Fathers hasn’t been defended OUT LOUD by anyone…including the Black community. Harsh and sad as that sounds we all know it is true. But what is NOT true is the UNtruth that Black men don’t care /don’t want to care about their children . I’ve lived and seen quite the opposite with my own Father(aka Daddy) , my exhusband, and a host of friends who are Black Fathers/Dads/Pops!/Papa..

NOT only do Black men LOVE their children , and want to spend time with them, but many have had to go to great lengths(and expense of attorneys) to secure what should be their “right”; as a parent. Which is to participate and BE involved in their child’s life; & faced much resistance from racially/gender biased court systems. I personally witnessed a friend of mine endure this for 3 years! The entire time over $800 a month deducted from his salary monthly; yet he had to fight the courts/& child’s mother for visitation rights. Honestly, had I not witnessed it I’d not have believed such a thing could happen…What I feel needs to happen so this can cease is Black mothers have GOT to stop manipulating the court system. Why stop a well-intentioned Father from spending time with their child? And shouldn’t we ask ourselves WHY the court system would allow such a thing?!? But one only has to know the detriment to a child without their Father in their lives..just maybe the infamous “they” don’t want Black Fathers involved in their childrens lives for a reason. Nevertheless the courts would NOT be able to dictate such things; IF mothers respected the importance of the Father’s involvement. Black relationships without a doubt need a major overhaul when courts are this involved in “their” childrens lives…WE can and must do better or our childrens future will be bleak.

The positive  impact an actively engaged Father has on a child’s life is beyond priceless…#1 . Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their child #2. Indirectly the relationship between child’s parents will IMPACT the child for life. So even when parents split maintaining a cordial environment is MANDATORY. Just look at it as working on a mutual major project together; your child. Mature folks who love their child can manage this(and helps if you once loved each other)…#3. Children with involved, caring  Fathers have better educational outcomes. Higher IQs, better linguistic & cognitive skills(if you don’t believe me google it..) #4.Children with involved Fathers are more emotionally secure,confident to explore their surroundings, less likely to get into trouble at home , school , or anywhere!, and have better social connections/skills #5. Children with involved Fathers are far less likely to experience depression issues, less likely to exhibit disruptive behavior, MORE likely to exhibit pro -social behavior #6. LESS likely to get involved with DRUGS, gangs, or violent behavior..

I’ve personally lived out loud the benefit of having been born into an active 2 parent loving(and IN love with one another)”nuture” team..Fortunately  I no longer live over 3,000 miles from them; and loving every moment I get to spend with my parents. Parenting is a JOB that lasts for a LIFEtime. It never ends folks…. I’ve also  been part of a 2 parent parenting team with my now exhusband; and its been(and still is) an experience I’ll cherish forever. My exhusband fully understands and promotes the importance of BOTH of our roles; and I give him his much deserved DUE props on a regular basis. He’s known to say there is nothing like “mama love” ; and likewise with “Pops love” We’ve shared duties and “huddled” over major issues. Even though we’ve been divorced for years. Having watched the nuturing love he has given to our sons; has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I’ve got another treasured friend who raised his children on his own basically…never once bad mouthing his children’s mother. Just stepped UP and took the reins in  his hands and raised 3 awesome people. Single & GREAT  Black Fathers DO exist. Though they ask for no applause; the applause should be thunderous! Enough of just the negative stories about our Black Fathers being plastered across screen and newspapers..the same light should be shown on the outstanding ones. And IF this isn’t done then Black Women need to step UP and do the JOB they were created for@Be supportive of Black Men when the rest of the world is NOT…Or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

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~MANsharing..WHY are Black Women Supporting this?!?

This topic is as REAL as it gets! I’ve got a naturally nuturing/loving spirit..To love is part of my DNA..Anyone who knows me  can attest that I’ll literally give the shirt off my back to someone in need. And I have…without being asked I’ll give. Whether its money to someone holding UP a sign @will work for food…I’m a giver. And I feel we should all share of what we have to those in need; even if we’re close to broke our dang selves. BUT one thing I will NOT share, UNequivocally, is my MAN. I expect women to look..because I’ve got excellent taste..but do NOT touch him. Ever. And ever is a very long time. So read my lips so the message is clear..I won’t participate in MANsharing. But we all know it exists…It might even be common place for some. So much so there are jokes about it & many articles written on MANsharing among Black women.  I laugh alot! Probably more than the average person..but this is no laughing matter. And I’m so serious..I’m not down with O.P.P.(is that term even used anymore??? well if not I’m bringing it back) My man is considered Private Stock(a term my ex taught me 🙂 ) so flirt if you must because he’ll be HOT… (I’m single at the moment or certainly I’d not be writing on Valentine’s  evening. So this message is for when I start dating again.  lol! ) but do NOT touch my MAN…

Some of the terms, for lack of a better word, used to describe “love triangles” these days are: Main chicks, Side Chicks, Mansharing…For anyone who watches reality tv, which I don’t!, you might have seen some of this laid out in living color(and REALness) on the show”Love and Hip Hop Atlanta”..I ran across a narrative while on a Black website; I was interacting in a group online discussion about Black Love Relationships. And first let me say , OMG! To say my hair was blown back is an understatement…I had NO idea ‘polyamourous coupling’ could be considered an IN thing these days. Or least enough to have it shown on the boob tube. Backintheday we used to called those type of arrangements; open relationships or just plain ole cheating! But seems things have changed or have they?

These days apparently many women , in accepting their rights to sexual freedom and choice, are far less ashamed of those choices…even when they’re generally seen/portrayed as indecent. What usually happens when these love triangles or mansharing accounts are heard of or discovered!(sometimes by an un-assuming wife/girlfriend) the heavier side of blame is placed on the woman involved in the arrangement. She is scorned in some cases and called every name under the sun; except a child of GOD. I know because I’ve been on the flip side of that coin myself. Yep! I was once a very, totally “UNassuming” wife who got the surprise of my life..which also broke my heart into a cazillion pieces. But moving right along….

However, as we get to “the other side of feelings”; also known as getting over a broken heart or lost love..we begin to analyze the “entire situation” and often times can understand” somewhat” how that certain situation came about…Or least those of us that want to truly heal & forgive when we’ve been hurt by someone practice this. So anyways how does a 3rd party come into a marriage or relationship? Is it always KNOWN by the 3rd party that said man is married or taken? Are there women who prey on married men and consider them a challenge? Last but not least the question that begs to be answered…Are there rising numbers of MANsharing among Black women because of the shortage of BLACK men due to high rate of Black men behind bars in our country?!? Here is the take on those answers and the way I see it..

At this point in my life I’ve grown to believe things I never thought I’d believe when I was alot younger…Grey area DOES exist! I used to think everything was either Black or White. That everything either was or wasn’t..and that simply isn’t the case. I now believe that one person can be IN love with two people. Might seem like its impossible to alot of ya’ll out there…but that is because it hasn’t yet happened to you. You’ll have to trust me on this one. Also , I think sometimes folks get into “situations” and don’t know how to get out of them. Lets call it getting caught UP. I also think sometimes people that aren’t totally “satisfied” in a relationship can easily wind UP having an affair. BUT I also think some Sista’s have been duped by Brotha’s who don’t reveal the truth from the onset…Many a woman has probably, nope has!, gotten involved not knowing the man was married. Or the infamous statement IS= He’ll say he is married; but separated…In my opinion until the ink is wet on the divorce decree you’re still MARRIED. I told this brother that once who said he’d been separated for 3 years. 3 years! And as MUCH as I was digging him I said when you’ve gotten your divorce and IF I’m still single; give me a buzz. And he did!

In my heart of hearts I just think there is a way to conduct ourselves like we respect ourselves. Like a lady. Sounds corny but I mean it..Doesn’t mean we can’t have sex appeal or even flirt. Sex appeal is as natural as the air we breathe..IF you got it , then flaunt IT. But with some amount of decency and class. IF a woman doesn’t respect or honor her OWN self/body; how the heck can we expect a man do to the same by us?!? That answer is easy to see; even for a blind person.

For folks that are into poly-relationships..as long as its all mutually agreed upon..do your thing! Its a free country and you can have at it if you like…Not my style because the one thing in life I’m selfish about is my MAN. I do not nor will I share. Not yesterday, not today, and not whenever I get into my next/last! relationship. But for the Sista’s into chasing married men…or adding notches to some sort of married belt. What is going to happen whenever ya’ll settle down & finally get married?? What IF some marriedmanchasingsista comes along and snags YOUR husband??! What will you then think about women who have no issue DOing a married man? Sometimes we should think about the flip side of things; before we do them. Having a heart helps…and also karma is a B! The good news? One can repent and regroup for their past transgressions. That is the beauty of this life journey. Having said all of that there should be a couple unspoken Sista rules when dating…Ya’ll ready for this?

Rule 1. IF he only calls you during work hours of the day and not on the weekend at all. He IS married or in a relationship. And thus not worthy. Period

Rule 2. IF he tells you he is married but separated…I don’t care how many years. He IS still married. And thus someone else’s MAN. Legally. Period

Rule 3. IF he is the ex of a friend of yours…Not worth possibly ruining your relationship with your friend. I don’t care how fine or cute he is.

Rule 4. IF he asks for your number but can’t/won’t give you his. MARRIED. Run quickly from this situation before it even becomes a situation. Period

Rule 5. IF you know he is either married or taken…Walk away or just engage in friendship. Even talking or flirting with the idea of a relationship can lead to an emotional attachment. And getting emotionally attached or falling in love! with a man that isn’t available will drain you/block your blessings/and guarantee your heart will be crushed

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>I am NOT my HAIR….I am a SOUL that LIVES within<

~I am NOT my hair. I am NOT this skin. I am NOT your expectations no, no. I am NOT my hair ! I am NOT this skin….I am a SOUL that lives within~Lyrics by India Aire. India Aire’s song suggests we aren’t our hair..While I can understand the point she’s making; I can’t personally relate. I do indeed feel our hair IS a reflection and self-expression of WHO we are; and whats going on inside of us. And while the Bible says that a woman’s hair is her GLORY; with BLACK  women I feel it is FAR more than that. IT defines us in ways that don’t just meet the “eye”; but also reveals our ESSENCE.

First things first..For many moons I’ve said the following  @ The Black hair care industry is a multi-million dollar industry; and the Black community is the LEAST to see any revenue from it! Ya’ll can google UP whose got the major control over the industry(cause I think most of us already know…); and also note the fact they’ve a. excluded non-Koreans(yep, you guessed it!) from the industry by refusing to distribute to them b. raised prices higher when distributing products to non-Koreans c. do NOT put revenue back into Black communities but INSTEAD put the revenue back into theirs….Now the question that is just begging to be answered is?!? WHY didn’t Blacks corner the market on their own hair products in the first place???? And now? Everyone has got their hands into the pot of gold regarding Black women’s hair care; except Black women. *slapping forehead* But there are alternatives…

The new hot debate is Natural vs. Relaxed or Weaves…and it can get quite heated! Not in the conversations I’ve engaged in though…Natural is the being called the New Black. I’ve even heard sista ‘s that went natural say they feel its disgusting when a sista either relaxes or wears a weave. WOW. and omg! as if we need yet another thing to divide us. Lawd! Personally I feel it is a woman’s choice to do what SHE pleases with her hair..IF she wants to wear a wolly mammoth atop her head; her business! IF she wants to pay upwards of $500 or more for really good natural fake hair; her business! If she wants to chop it all off and strut it bald; her business! And IF she wants to chemically relax her hair/hot comb it; her business! OUR hair is already scrutinized, styles stolen( Bo  Derek  took OUR braids to a whole new level…) and critiqued by everyone else as it is. Last thing that needs to happen now is in-fighting..so knock it off! Chill out and do your thing with YOUR hair; and respect others to do the same with theirs. Some sista’ s want to try to micro-manage everything and everybody..jeeeeez. Can’t we all just get along?!?

Here is my opinion regarding natural vs relaxed vs weaves vs bald. The bald state is an easy & quick answer. Hecks NO! I dig being versatile far too much to even consider it..Backintheday my exhusband used to say I’d be beautiful to him even if I was bald! Aww gotta love him but still NO WAY. I’ve seen beautiful Black women sport the bald look ; but not my style.

I’ve also seen beautiful sista’s rock weaves..Beyonce is NEVER without a weave. Ever…her natural hair is boy short. It is quite the norm now for anyone to go from boy short to waist long hair over night. And also quite costly. There are weaves you can’t tell aren’t real hair…Love the idea of being versatile as an option. But I like my scalp being able to breathe…I don’t even wear hats! When I want to run my hands through my scalp; I don’t want to pull back thread. Or worse; not have the freedom to run my hands through my hair. Different strokes for different folks and this just isn’t my style.

I’ve got MAD respect & regard for sista’s that sport their natural hair! The cost is lower than weaves/wigs and I hear it is very liberating….I’ve got male Black friends who will NOT date a woman who wears weaves/wigs/relaxers. They want it all natural…from head to toes.

And while the numbers of Black women who go natural is rising; the majority are still relaxing or semi-relaxing their hair. It is convenient and when maintained with natural conditioners/relaxers the hair is very healthy. I’ve been on the verge of going all natural; but I’ve not dived in with both feet yet. I’m semi there and I use double natural conditioners in my hair to keep it healthy & vibrant. Which takes  more time but to me its worth it. I love my hair long…and since its naturally thick I have an awesome time being able to wear many different styles. I don’t get angry when people ask if its real….Actually I think its very amusing “others” are SO obsessed with OUR hair enough to ask such a question. Bottom line is it  is our hair/ our choice. And that is the way I see it…Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)

 

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MORE Black Men in Prison; Than Were Enslaved in 1850<<

Can ya’ll believe that??? Believe it or not it is the “new”  norm..

““More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began,” Alexander, an Ohio State law professor, recently told listeners at the Pasadena Branch of the American Civil Liberties Union….” Quote taken from article written March 2011 regarding stats in Michelle Alexander’s book>

Alexander’s seminal book, “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness” argues that prisons have become the latest form of economic and social disenfranchisement for young folks of color, particularly black men. In it, she grapples with a central question: If crime rates have fluctuated over the years and are now at historical lows, then why have rates of incarcerated men of color skyrocketed over the past 30 years? <

~For those that are just tuning IN..I’m utilizing the month of Black History Month to talk about Black specific topics that the masses either a. On a grand scale don’t want to think/talk about because “not” being aware is easier than dealing with reality b. Far too busy with their lives to worry about the lives of the future generation c. Just don’t care d. prefer to keep their heads in the sand and just tend to “self” e. don’t READ therefore honestly miss what goes on in the world around them. f. Are aware and are raising well-grounded /well-taught children/mentoring/outreach to the at-risk community, etc g. Did I leave anyone out?  Bottom line IS there is no time like the present; especially Black History Month to talk about some of “tougher” topics regarding Black America. What better place than in an environment that receives 402 MILLION readers of 4.1 BILLION pages a month? WordPress. A site I love dearly! A site I didn’t even know  how to navigate on a mere 3 months ago when I began here…I’m cognizant with EVERY single keystroke that my words here are a carbon print that will last forever…I don’t take that lightly. Now back 2 the topic at hand. I’m going to post a few alarming statistics and attempt to give this topic the due JUSTice it deserves…

Let that sink in for a minute into every pore of your being..

**The way I see IT is pretty simple. Any time you’ve got more people IN the penal system; than IN college(or in the education system period…) that surrounding/environment/society/and in this case an ENTIRE race/class/segment of society will suffer in a negative manner. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. And I’m far from being that..nevertheless as a Black Mother/Ma/Moms/Mom myself I’m beyond concerned about this issue. Even from the viewpoint of being an American citizen, born & bred & LOVE my country ’tis of thee   I’m frightened when I see the statistics. As a former state prison employee I cried MANY a tear seeing upclose and personal the young Black youth behind bars. Just weeped uncontrollably..mayhaps because I’m aware of the atrocious things that happen in prison is yet another reason I feel as I do. IF the current trend continues 1 out of EVERY 3 Black male adults will spend some time IN prison. I’m sorry folks but I see that as a reason to be alarmed..

Did you KNOW? That when many surveys are taken   by government agencies they “exclude” the people from prison population from their research & findings?!? When they’re added back into the equation it dramatically alters the picture of the  status of ..Black America. It isn’t a pretty picture. Over half of the 2.3 million people in American prisons are; BLACK. Even on a good day folks; how can that be a good thing? Just keep in mind there are NO good days behind bars..

DISCLAIMER: I’m NOT an advocate nor user of drugs. Nor am I saying that folks who break the law shouldn’t be PUNISHED..nonetheless there is a blatant “grey area” that mayhaps needs 2 be considered. <<<<

The question that BEGS to be answered is=WHY ARE SO MANY BLACK MEN LOCKED UP IN AMERICA? Well lets consider the war on drugs for a minute. By itself; the war on drugs has affected Black communities far more than others. Would you agree? There are increased arrests of Blacks for NON-violent offenses and yet…”There is NO evidence that drug use is dramatically different by race or ethnicity; but the pattern of arrests is very different. ” Quote from Ernest Drucker. Author of ‘A Plaque of Prisons’  Let that sink in for a minute…

Is it ANY small wonder, given the above happenstances, that as of Dec. 2012 ..a whopping 72% of Black American children are being raised in SINGLE parent homes?!? The media hypes up only the parts they like & dilute(or totally delete) the background info…yet! there is no excuse with the Internet ya’ll can’t do due diligence to find out the REAL scoop behind the scoop. What can WE do to stop this cycle ? My humble opinion is quite more than is being done on a grand scale..Often times when something seems SO monumental folks don’t know how or where to begin. The way I see it one by one we can do our part in various ways..Educate, educate, educate. For the remaining parents out there link UP together to raise YOUR children! Stop letting the boob tube, the internet, or their friends raise them…It is a parents JOB to arm a child with whatever they need to become PROductive good human beings. Don’t take on the task of being a parent if you’re not going to do the JOB. It is the most important JOB on the planet. Exclamation mark. Period..Far more than brand names clothes & overpriced tennis shoes children need guidance/discipline/and TONS of love. For folks who don’t have children mentor someone else’s. Even more so these days it truly takes a VILLAGE. My eldest son, who has NO children of his own AND is wrapping up his P H D, is presently going through the Big Brother interview process..to become a Big Brother. That is on top of his terribly busy schedule and mentoring his 2 younger brothers(my sons..) IF we all took on some small part to lend a hand; certainly the change can be great. At least that is the way I see it..

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WANTED: Black Men who LOVE Black Women. *DP PostaDay 2013 Challenge*

Another one of those tough topics we hate 2 discuss; yet know it exists. Might as well bring it to the forefront during Black History Month. I needed a title to GRAB your attention; now that I’ve got it the real subject of this piece is about=Black women who hate on interracial relationships…well least the ones that involve Black brothers dating White women. Ya’ll ready for this?!? I won’t sugar coat this subject because it leads to a topic that is far too important to ignore or to dilute. That IS if we care about the future generations. Or least this is the way I see it..

First a few statistics that might help bring things into focus..According to ,thesentencingproject, more than 60% of people in American prisons are racial & ethnic minorities. 60% ! And having worked in a state prison in Cali I can tell you first hand ; MOST of them are very young Black males.(seeing this day to day was heart wrenching to say the least)  1 in 10 of Black males in their 30s; is in jail or prison on any given day currently in America. 2/3 of ALL persons in prison for drug offenses are people of color..Now let that sink in for a minute. I personally think we’ve got FAR bigger fish to fry; than worrying about White women snagging Black men..However, given this background info one could see how problematic snagging a good  Black man could be nowadays. But now onto the topic at hand…

Before I go any further I want to make my position clear..I’ve no issue at all with my Caucasian sisters who dig/date/marry my Black brothers.  I can totally understand why; 100%! Major props to them for having excellent taste; and I feel exactly the same way…

My two biggest issues with this topic are..#1 My brothers who feel they MUST drag us down to the gutter; just because they prefer dating other than Black women. Personally? I care LESS who people date. Honestly…you could date flying purple elephants for all I care. BUT why  “try” to tear us down on the way out the door??? As IF those who do(not all do…) don’t also have Black mothers/daughters!/and relatives. When you diss ALL of anything; you’re also dissing your own..Very UNcool and gets NO respect from me. In a silent manner of course..

Let me add here I don’t know ANY women like the ones portrayed in the pics I’ve posted…but I know they exist. And when some of us look bad; its a bad LOOK for all of us. We stand together or fall apart..Why place blame on others instead of first getting own self together? Because even the most educated & so called “together” person can have issues. I don’t know a person ALIVE who doesn’t have some type of issue or baggage..and the first one to say they don’t has the MOST issues. I don’t care who it is. Even saying you don’t have an issue; is an issue. So count that as #1 issue on the list. My point is when you can look in the mirror and love “self”; you don’t blame or hate on anyone else when things don’t go your way. You just keeeeeep it moving until things fall into place. Why take it personally? Some Black men  just prefer dating a variety of women….OR could be some might have gotten tired of not being treated like the KINGS they are. I’m sure there are as many reasons as there are people on the planet. But being ugly about it isn’t the answer; least not in my opinion. What that does is add to the already much hyped image of an “angry Black woman” stereotype…and some of us are so far removed from that image that I find it highly, highly! offensive. Bottom line is  if Black women truly dig our Black brothers; that means respecting/supporting them 100%. Even when it means they decide to choose someone other than a Black woman as his..Queen. We all have options these days…

For me though I’m waiting on my chocolate KING to come sweep me off my feet..we all have preferences/choices and must  learn to respect others for theirs. Just remember one important thing ; when my “the one” does find me  this year? He is OFF limits to all of ya’ll! Private stock and I don’t believe in sharing…Stay UPlifted, 4ever sincere Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

COLORstruck

~Whether or not its a discussion as OLD as the hills; it is still sadly enough relevant in 2013. I’m willing to bet there isn’t a Black person in America who hasn’t been affected by the color  issue . In some form or another..and the type I’m  talking about  is Black on Black. As funky as it IS and as mind blowing it is…Colorism is alive and well amongst us. Even for those folks who “think” they aren’t colorstruck. As simple as it might seem to “others” to NIP it; it is very complex indeed. Disclaimer: As always these are merely one person’s observations/experiences/opinion. Mine. Ready? Get set! Here I go head first , again….

I recall watching my teenage heart throb(is that phrase even used nowadays? oh well, I’m old skool till the day I die…) beholder of the handsome face plastered allllll over my bedroom walls on posters; slowly MORPH into something horrific. The once beautiful brown skin with the just PERFECT wide nose and the full , luscious lips just poof! …gone. I couldn’t for the life of me understand WHY someone with so much talent could HATE their brown skin /Black features enough to do that to themselves. What happened to MY Michael??? Object of sooo many of my naive teenage dreams? Author of the OFF THE WALL album which was the BEST album of the century? How could he possibly have NOT liked himself when I and millions of others loved him so??? I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. How could anyone NOT love being BLACK?…..

So that was about the time I decided to dig a little deeper…Taking mental notes of my own personal experiences as well as reading, reading , reading about others experiences. And of course quietly observing…

Before I delve deeper let me preface by saying..I LOVE BEING BLACK. Exclamation mark. Period..and I make no apology for it. Anyone who is anyone should be proud to be who they are and what they are..and if you don’t like who you are work to change IT. However, one’s skin color should be something to be proud of for it is given to us by GOD for a reason. Or least that is how I feel about it. IF he wanted us to be any other color certainly we’d have been born that way…OR better yet IF he wanted us to all look alike he’d have done that too! But it is my inherent belief he made us different colors for a reason…but that is another topic for another time.

So one might ask if being Black is so awesome; why does colorism exist? Why are we still stuck on being COLORstruck? Haven’t we evolved enough past slavery to get past THIS ?!? And we all know it stems from slavery; doesn’t it? Hmmmm Yep, my questions bring more questions that even I can only guess the answer to; or assume. Which I hate to do! So I began listening to others experiences…the pain!(like Michael Jackson’s ..) my people have gone through due simply to the color of their skin. IF a person keeps hearing or seeing over and over and over and over again negative connotations associated with “anything”(including their skin color) what will eventually happen? And what will that person then pass on to their children???

One way to change something is to start with changing our OWN behavior…Or whatever is possible to change within our power. I recall when my sons were much smaller…People would remark about their skin color being light or lighter or whatever. And the good hair comments OMG..WE have got to let go of that also. But that is another topic for another time…My response was always the same. Do NOT bring that mess around me or my sons! I won’t allow them to even think! they’re any less Black than anyone else due to their skin tone or hair. NOR will I let anyone else plant the seeds of those thoughts into their heads..What you do or say around your children is your business; but what you say around mine is MY business. And I was serious. Also, I ‘ve had people walk straight UP to me and ask “What are you. Are you mixed?” Wth? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? I’m just good ole fashioned BLACK. Period. That has honestly been my response when anyone is ignorant enough to ask that question…I’d never ask anyone that, jeeeeez. Black IS Black folks. I don’t care if you’re one ounce Black…still BLACK. Sometimes I wish we’d gotten stuck in a time warp in the days of ‘Black is Beautiful!”..wasn’t that the 70s?

I  once had a brother tell me, to my face!, that I wasn’t dark enough for him to date…WOW. Blew my hair back because I’d never been told that before. Least not to my face. Appreciated his honesty, but dang!, still hurt my feelings. What the heck can I do about my skin color? Not a dang thing; nor do I plan on “doing” anything about it ..except loving IT. By the way we “did” end up dating and he’s an outstanding brother(& one of my best friends in the world)  that has no regrets…

We come in many shades that run the gamut …There are expectations/judgments/so called advantages/and slights that boost one shade of brown over another..It needs to NOT only be discussed but STOPPED. Generation after generation is carrying it forward. I recall when my youngest son started dating his high school sweetheart..first thing my ex husband said was”Whew! I’m glad to see he isn’t colorstruck!” Because she was dark-skinned..and my comment was”Why would he be? We raised him to not be; didn’t we?!? ” But then we talked about it and we really had  NOT ever discussed  it with our sons per se…all we did do though was not to label people by color. I’m not really sure what the answer is to stop colorism from continuing  to re-cycle..I think one sure way to start though is by addressing it. We know it exists. And society knows it exists; google UP what Loreal did to Beyonce’s skin in an ad if you don’t believe me. We also know that it causes DIVISION, schism and contention among us as Blacks. We can either continue to just discuss it every Black History Month or whenever; and then forget about it. OR we can discuss it and act on changing our own behavior. One person at a time might start a movement to nip it..I think that just might be how major movements/CHANGE begins. Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Homophobia in Black America*

IS this  fact or fiction? I’ll present my opinion and findings; and let ya’ll figure out which it is. Might as well take down one of the toughest topics first …Can we really talk about this without people getting all amped UP ,righteous,offended ,or showing a display of utter ugliness a/k/a ignorance? I  hope so & guess we’re getting ready to find out because I’m going in head first..First, let it be known. I’ve personally evolved alot on my stance regarding this topic. I’ll be the first to admit it; though majority who know me never knew my true feelings on the matter years ago or even now. This is such a “taboo” topic that I’ve not discussed alot…in public. (and thats saying ALOT because I talk ALOT)  Isn’t it something how lifes circumstances, personal growth, and knowledge on a particular subject matter can totally flip a person’s opinion?!? Or am I the only one that has happened to? Hmmmmm …And before anyone asks NO I’m not. Nor am I bi-curious. I’m as straight as an arrow and I love everything about being a woman. A woman that loves everything there is to love about MEN. However as my faith has grown so has my awareness of;things. And my love of people including different cultures has also molded my opinion on; things. As a loved child of GOD I’ve come to the realization that we are ALL loved children of GOD. Exclamation point. Period. As humans I don’t feel we can put a level of “percentage”(for lack of a better word) GOD places on sin..A sin is a sin , right? WHO are we to say who is going to be condemned or not for so called; sins? WHO are we to say what is a sin in the first place? And IF homosexuality is a sin hypothetically speaking and IF sex outside of marriage is a sin(doesn’t the Bible say it IS????) and IF adultery is a sin(“ditto”…) then who are WE to say which of those sins will have the higher percentage of winning us a spot in HELL? Truth IS none of us living folks knows…Nor do I feel we have to right to judge anyone else’s so called “sins” . (just my opinion but there are too many things listed as sins! When I found out even thoughts about “lusting but NOT touching” was a sin??? I was shocked…  *slapping forehead* )Isn’t it also in the Bible that WE aren’t to judge others? I’m going to dig myself in a little deeper..Buckle UP>

Another thing that helped me to open my eyes/ears/mind regarding homosexuality? The multiple sources(a kind word because they’re really hypocrits) that were fueling my opinion/belief. Religious leaders including priests all yelling from the rooftops how wrong it was. And then came story after story to the light about same sex (with children no less! ) incidents from the likes of Eddie Long and only God knows how many priests…From politicians to celebrities to high ranking officials incidents of “suspect behavior” became more rampant. It began to seem like the very people proclaiming the loudest about it being wrong; were actually involved in “activities”(for lack of a better word) that make them “appear” to either be …a. homosexual b. homosexual c. enjoy homosexual activities. Doesn’t that qualify as being hypocritical? I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to answer that one…Or is it called a cover? And isn’t it pretty foul to inflict such awful labels on people all the while knowing self is guilty of the SAME? To make matters worse alot of said leaders spouting the prejudice opinions; are in positions that can alter a person’s livelihood. For instance, changing laws like the don’t ask/don’t tell policy…Question. Why should what a person does in THEIR bedroom affect whether they can maintain or get a job or not??? Answer. It should not. And the fact that it ever did is WRONG

Question..Are WE a tolerant people? And this can be answered by anyone by the way; Black or White. For my Black brotha’s & sista’s don’t we want to be accepted in society and not biased against due to our skin color? Yep! Then how can we NOT understand the plight of homosexuals? For my White brothers & sisters don’t ya’ll want people to stop riding you for things that happened back in yesteryears a/k/a slavery? Is that not a form of acceptance? Then how can ya’ll not understand the plight of homosexuals? This topic is truly bugging me because as a people we’ve all got to come together. Whether Black, White, Purple!, Straight, Homosexual, or whatever…and until we drop the labels/the finger pointing/the highmightyness/the divisions based on trivial stuff; it won’t happen. For my Christian peoples out there? WE can do better…Should we not love everyone? Aren’t we all brothers & sisters? Yes, we should and yes, we are

None of my sons are homosexuals. BUT if they were I’d still love them! With all of my heart/being as I do now..I was asked that question long ago & even then I felt the same way. Yet, there are many Black parents who would struggle to answer that question…For far too long one of the worse fears was that one’s child would say they’re gay. It is my belief that the seed was planted long ago. And it goes deep..or least the theory I believe could explain why homophobia does exist in Black America. After all the Black Male’s sexuality has long been talked about/envied/admired/and lusted after by ALL..stemming at least as far back as slavery. If one studies African American  & Literature/History you might stumble upon these findings..if not you don’t believe me google it.  But, in slavery days there is evidence to suggest that young Black boys & Black men were forced to have sex with their White male slave owners…There were even plantations that existed, not for growing crops, but for the purpose of breeding BOYS, MEN, and girl slaves for sexual pleasure. I knew Black girls/women slaves were raped but I had no clue about the boys/men…James Baldwin also spoke of it past slavery in “Evidence of Things Unseen”.  Which leads me to wonder how long this was carried on beyond the years of slavery? Could this be why homophobia still exists in Black America today? I vividly recall the Black Church being very unhappy recently when President Obama stood up for same-sex marriages..and actually expected an apology from him! Yet, those very same churches said  absolutely NO  negative words against Eddie Long for his transgressions against male  children!  I’m sorry but I’ve got a major issue with anyone imposing their sexual desires on children…IF anything is a sin that has got to be HIGH  on the list. However, its my belief IF one’s homosexual desires wasn’t still considered “taboo” or “wrong” ; people wouldn’t feel they have to hunt down vulnerable , helpless prey . Like children. I’m not saying that makes it right, but I’m struggling(and I struggle badly trying to wrap my brain around this crime! against children)  for reasons why people would do such a horrific thing. People who otherwise look normal and sane…

I’m a people lover. I enjoy speaking with all people & learning different cultures/backgrounds/beliefs…I’m also a talker with a gift for gab. I’ve been known to say I can find common ground to speak to anyone & hold my own. I can and I have. From paupers to kings..I won’t say I changed my opinion on homosexuality because I’ve had/have gay friends. That isn’t the reason…the reason is because it is NOT my business what a person’s sexual orientation is. Nor is it theirs what mine is. We can chat/interact/find things in common that have nothing to do with SEX..that is called friendship. No different than I have male friends(that I’ll never have sex with) the case is the same for my gay friends. Do we agree with everything that our straight friends do in their lives? Nope. We share common ground enough to be drawn to each other as friends; but there will be differences. Even co-joined twins have differences…it is what makes us unique. I truly feel we’ve got to adopt love for everyone . Understanding and tolerance has to become the norm. We all must work harder to learn to accept things we don’t understand. We have to give what we want back in return…LOVE

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^Teaching Moment Possibilities@ BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2013^

*It would be seriously remiss of me to not write/blog regarding Black History Month. What a great opportunity to rap /teach/share on an array of topics relative to Black History. I’m going to attempt to do a topic a day; beginning tomorrow.  However, some of the topics won’t be popular ones by far. Or at least not spoken about “in the open” often at all..From reputed homophobia in the Black community to ARE Black Fathers parenting their children  to massive amount of Blacks behind bars to whether the black church is relevant or not these days to why  some Black women have issues with Black brothers that date White women …a ton of things I’ve written about and long to share here.  I do hope all that read bring an open mind and a willingness to accept that any/all of this is merely one person’s opinion. Mine. Please feel free to share any/all viewpoints . I’m ready if you are..

~To open the dialogue I’d like to say this: For all of those out there who say they’re “not” racist because they have a Black friend! or a White friend!!…That does NOT equate to anything more or less than you’ve got a Black or White friend! And?!? I always wait for the AND  part…because I’ve met people who fall into the above category who still hold racist views. Yet they don’t realize it. For instance, I’ve been in situations where people(my friends..)  will talk about Black people in a negative & racist manner; and say oh! but not YOU. Wth? Am I not BLACK? But my opinion on the matter is that with honesty anything can be discussed…There IS a discernable difference between racist views and prejudice. Likewise with stereotyping vs. racist views/feelings/beliefs vs. prejudice. I sincerely believe that until these matters are discussed openly , especially with the youth involved, there won’t be a chance for progression. And if we can’t discuss race matters/issues openly during Black History month; when can WE?

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, LOVE, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

@@@@@@@@LoverLESS Valentines Day@@@@@@@@

Been holding off on this but I’ve got 2 release…Ready? Get set! Here I GO

I’ve not spent many Valentine Days single. Matter of fact this is the longest time frame I’ve ever been single..the real trip is its been self-imposed/necessary for my self-growth/and I’ve purposely squeezed something to DO in almost every minute of each and every day. I’m busy trying to get closer to my GOD given life purpose! And must finally admit to myself and I guess to ya’ll too  since I’ve taken on this daily blog venture..THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS I MAKE IT LOOK. I’m very much a novice at this…and OMG lately I think my hormones are multiplying. Wth? I thought nearing 50 my hormones were supposed to be decreasing???!??? How old do I have to be for that to happen? Lawd! Still getting a pimple a month at 50  can’t be normal..is it? Or maybe being 50 and celibate (is causing it) isn’t normal?!? Hmmmm well my norm has never been the norm for most..So anyways moving on with the topic at hand. Ya’ll really , really ready ?

I tried to resist feeling like this as Valentines drew near..I truly did! I even decorated at work in honor of Valentines Day, day of LOVE(my fave…), even though I was/am LoverLESS/ValentineLESS/boyfriendLESS/ManLESS..jeeeez thats alot of less. Yet, I don’t feel like a “less” in so many ways…at least 99%. But that ONE percent right now is  beyond frustrating to  me on days like this..when I stop for a minute and realize…OMG I’m not part of a love union. How did this happen? Although I know why and its been SO good for me to take a hiatus from love for a minute I still can’t help but ask that question. In my heart of hearts I know this was the way it was designed for me. But let me state again for the record THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS I MAKE IT LOOOOK

But WHY is this one day reserved for lovers anyway?!? And do men really dig Valentines as much as women?!? Flower shops/candy shops/lingerie shops & restaurants I’m sure dig Valentines even more than women…BUT don’t ya’ll want to be LOVED every day and NOT just shown love/appreciation on one day? Well I’ve got my hand raised high for that last option. For me its mandatory…

I can’t complain and I’m struggling not to; for this is something I said I wanted. A breather..although often times we know we need things/make things happen we know we need/and still it is not a cake walk. I just make it look like it IS; until nights like this. I feel like I’m coming quite UNglued..but this too shall pass. Right? It better Lol!

I’ve had great love in my life; and I know my last GREAT love is out there…As I’ve said before I know he’s searching for me. *waving hands in the air HERE I am!* I’ve grown to know that love involves patience..and I’m just practicing for that while I remain patient while waiting on it. And when my “the one” comes strolling into my life I’ll create free time for him. I hope he is as  antsy about this Valentines approaching as I am…that means he’ll find me soon! Or least that is my interpretation.

So for all of ya’ll out there who are going to be linked UP for Valentines Day; my wish is you’ll stay IN love for years to come. For me? I don’t require candy/flowers/lingerie(though truth be told I love flowers & lingerie…) for V-Day; just give me love, love , loveeeeee, LOVE 365 days of the year.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., Motivational!, Post a Day 2013

*50 Fabulous Things About Turning 50* ..

1. #1 thing about turning 50 is that I learned & am living that with GOD and LOVE in your life..nothing is impossible. Absolutely nothing at all.

2. I am going to have the BIGGEST party of my entire LIFE for my 50th this summer..Couldn’t be more excited about that!

3. I’ve got far  more than 50 loved ones(including both of my parents!) /close friends/dear friends that are still living whose company I can enjoy/laugh with/hang out with/hug/kiss/talk to. NO material object on earth can compare..

4. I can recall when the majority of music involved lyrics that meant something; they just don’t make that type of GOOD music like backintheday.

5. I was around to enjoy(and then enjoy with my sons..) playing games as a family that involved the ENTIRE family. Not like the 1 or 2 player video games or internet games. Card games like Monopoly, Scrabble!, Trouble, Headache, Uno, Twister(wow what fun!) , Hopscotch, Jumprope(do little girls even do these things anymore???) Oh , how I bet parents out there wish gifts were as cheap now as backintheday…and the time spent as a family? Priceless

6. Taking to heart “my word is bond” & living by it daily. And expecting the same from those in my circle of friends/loved ones. Anything less is unacceptable. The results? Dependability rocks!

7. Focusing on things I can DO and not things that I can’t do anymore..I can still do front flips/cartwheels/the splits!/handstands/touch my toes with ease/see my toes with ease lol!

8. I’m stronger, wiser, BETTER than I’ve ever been..and ever is a very long time

9. Recall fondly the days when mobile phone meant walking around with a corded phone..and the cord was LONG enough to wrap around 4 city blocks! Dang sure didn’t have to worry about the battery running out in the middle of a steamy conversation..

10. Recall the days when leaving a cell phone at home did not  felt like leaving behind a limb! Matter of fact I’ve never left home without mine…anyone out there remember when we used to wait till we got home to discover what we didn’t buy at the store??? Today’s convenience is something I’ve grown to love but there is a certain beauty in being able to recall  the good ole days..

11. The saying about women peaking in their 40s is a LIE..I’ve yet to reach mine.

12. No chronic health issues or meds needed . No batteries either! And thanking GOD/my lucky stars/and trying to do all I can to maintain good health. If there is one word of advice for the youth that is worth gold it is.. take care of your body daily. And FLOSS after every meal..

13. I’ve no enemies..that I know of anyway! I greet even strangers like they are friends. And I treat my family & friends like GOLD. Its returned 10fold..

14. I can /and do speak my mind freely…

15. Still have most of my marbles left and no memory loss issues; or least I think so. Lol!

16. Got over the stage of thinking “I know it all”, whew! Now I’ve learned that the more I learn the more there is to learn…I’ve aligned mentors(even some that don’t know they are my mentors in any subject area I want to learn more about) Another tip for the youth= Attain mentors; you’ll need them.

17. Learned not to give unsolicited advice. Sort of…still working on fully mastering that.

18. Finally learned to be a “glass is half-full ” type of person; instead of the opposite I once used to be. And technically the glass is always FULL…unless you’re in a vacuum of space. Yep, google that one..

19. One gets OLD; when they stop playing/being playful/ or knowing how to play. I am never going to get OLD; just older & better

20. Dancing! becomes an art that when the music comes on your body just takes over & disengages from the brain. So dance, dance, dance and dance; even if it means you’ve got to dance by yourself. Dance!

21. I learned the hard way that the email “reply all” button…can yield embarrassing results IF you don’t intend to use it. Be mindful when replying to ALL emails..

22. You can learn anything at any AGE. And I’m hoping I also learn you don’t forget how to do things just because you’ve not done them in a while…more on that when I finally do IT

23. Maturity means= Even up to my 40s I took life so seriously! (especially when I was co-raising sons) Finally as I’m closing in on 50 I’m laughing more daily than ever before..

24. 50 really doesn’t feel anything like I thought 50 would feel like when I was in my 20s or even my 30s..50 doesn’t feel OLD as I thought it would at all. 50 just feels fabulous!

25. I’ve learned to drop my fears…bad things are going to happen cause life happens. But I’ve been over/under/around/and THROUGH such mindblowing, deeeeeep valleys/and just downright shiiiite and survived that its given me confidence that there isn’t much I can’t handle or live through. There is much comfort in knowing/feeling that

26. I’ve learned that sometimes NO answer is about as good as it gets. And that is just fine..I used to think life was all black and white. Or I’d just have to know the answer to the many questions I ask(I’m inquisitive by nature) But I’m learning that isn’t the case. Gray area does exist..and sometimes you just have to let things GO in order to get to the next level. And sometimes? After you let it go; the answer finally becomes clear

27. I try very, very hard to put principles BEFORE personality. This was something a very dear friend on the West Coast taught me…priceless lessons he taught me. There are times we have to interact with folks that we do NOT agree with on a consistent basis. Or something about them is so different from our beliefs/behavior…Agreeing to disagree alot works in these situations. Or in some cases just giving in works too …and this is necessary sometimes if on a team(for lack of a better word) worker towards a mutual goal. Might not be easy to understand now but when you get into situations as I’m referring to; you’ll understand

28. Small stuff DOES matter! Time spent with my parents. Priceless. Time spent doing labors of love; like a garden for my Daddy. Priceless. Time spent chatting with old friends on the West Coast. Priceless. Time spent over a quick lunch with new friends. Priceless. Laughing with new/old friends or loves ones. Priceless! Watching the sun rise. Absolutely priceless..Life is full of moments that we just have to stop to enjoy

29. Simplify. Simplify. SIMPLIFY. That IS the word of the day. Every day…

30. I’ve learned to COUNT my blessings every single day..and testify whenever possible to whoever will listen. I find myself doing this more than I ever thought I would..never thought I would actually.

31. I’ve always been a dreamer. And I dream BIG..as I near 50 I’m DOing more things I’d always said I’d DO. Living ones dreams is better than living to dream. Not getting any younger and there is NO time like the present

32. The things that yield the best results in life= Do NOT get caught up in gossip. It can be lethal…So be fair. Be HONEST. Be consistent. Be GENEROUS. Be Trustworthy. Respect others and yourself. And smile alot! It is contagious..

33. I’ve learned it is better to be KIND than RIGHT..another very close West Coast friend taught me this. And he was so right…

34. I’ve learned a broken heart can mend. Over time. Alot of time. I’m praying though I don’t have wait for mine to mend ever again though

35. Admitting you don’t know how to do something yields better results than pretending you do! The good news? Usually , or least has been the case with me, you’ll quickly find after admitting it someone will teach you what you didn’t know. I love IT when it works out that way

36. Generic store brands? Just as good as the name brand more expensive versions. Saving money is awesome!

37. Saving for a rainy day or necessity(like a new car..) just makes sense. Saving pennies or even coins does add up…Literally

38. Wear what YOU like to wear & what you feel you look best in. I never was one for following “fads”….bottom line is DO and BEing yourself just feels great. I don’t want to walk around looking like a carbon copy of everyone else..

39.Compliment. Compliment. Compliment! I always let people know I like what they’ve got on or a new hair style. Why do we think these things but don’t say them out loud? Saying them usually brings out a smile..

40. Be early. Saves alot of frustration and stress from rushing to get to places

41. Floss! I can’t say that enough…and I might say it for a 3rd time to get to the end of this 50 list

42. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I don’t take myself near as serious as I used to…result? I stopped being my own worst critic/enemy. Discovered it was impossible to reach perfection . I stopped even reaching for perfection. Now I just do my best. At anything I do

43. Stay true to MYSELF. I don’t let anyone define who I am anymore. I like me after long last. Either accept me as I am or move on…and I’ll do the same

44. Failing at some things is normal. If we don’t fail we’re not pushing our own limits. Many people first failed at things , and yet kept striving, are now considered major success stories. Life is full of ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things..I’m one of them

45. Being on time matters. If I can’t get there early I’m at the least on time. Early bird really does get the prize…

46. Floss! Omg its harder than I thought to think of 50 things..but I refuse to not finish this list

47. Not sure when I became a “ma’am”! OMG when I first starting hearing it from strangers I’d look around to see who the heck they were talking to..I’ve finally adjusted to it. Sort of…lol

48. A good debate from time to time is still good for a “rush”; but anything other than that even closely remote to having an arguement is SO over-rated and just not necessary. I’ve grown old enough to know you can talk anything out …even when not in agreement. If I’ve got to fight with you consistently I don’t care to spend precious time with you. Period. And I mean that…I’ve no drama in my life NOR do I want any

49. IF a person judges me, or anyone else, by the type of car they drive /how much money they make/or what they own…they’re NOT the type of person I want to spend time around.

50…Wooooo hoooo I made it to 50. Keeping ones’ word is important to ME. So glad I was able to with this list. Was alot harder than I thought when I chose this topic..but nothing easy is usually worth it.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^^Thought Provoking^^

~Straight, No Chaser..~

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..

~A woman’s essence is impenetrable..It IS the very definition of who she IS. Makes the she that is she..she. The true beauty of a woman stems far beyond the swell of her hips/bounce of her fanny/fullness of her lips/LOVEliness of her facial features..it is seen from in her eyes. For that is the doorway to her heart and is where love never lays dormant. As she ages the depth of her essence will  flourish and evolve in ways that surprise even her.  Her spirit, her soul!, will emerge from all she says and does..it can’t be dimmed nor stunted. It just flows naturally as a brook babbles..Her walk is  her own and can’t be duplicated; for she owns IT. Each graceful( and sometimes clumsy) step is deliberate yet  spontaneous….Passion springs from her words that come from within without prompting. When she laughs it comes from the inside out and it can hardly be muted..Laughter that was kept at bay through walking through, under, and over hurdles taller than she. A woman that embraces her inner being cherishes the flaws that make her original & unique. The one and only created by her Father to be all she can BE. She has grown to recognize she IS perfectly imperfect..If she engages in conversation she is sharing a piece of herself in every single unrehearsed word..Her light is SO  bright that even the darkest of nights or surroundings can’t silence it..She simply REFUSES  to be corrupted. Freeeee in her own skin that has taken years to acquire. When a woman learns her own essence it consistently shows itself in her words/her actions/her thoughts..Pure, unadulterated and totally undiluted reflections of who she IS shines through her exterior biological makeup. When she walks into a room she comes with all of her hopes and unspoken fears…A cazillion reasons for why she is there in the room; but don’t ask her. If you watch her/read her/listen to hear/feel her..you’ll experience her true beauty. Her essence can’t be denied and knows NO envy for it stands out in any crowd..the she that is SHE~

**Written by me about my OWN essence..I hope/pray for all my Sista‘s/Sisters out there ya’ll can embrace yourself, hug yourself!, know yourself /LOVE yourself..2 also write/express /recognize your own essence as well. Took me years N years N many moons to “see” mine/LOVE mine/embrace mine @ essence …4ever sincere Berna(the one & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

@Celebrate: Being BLACK in America@

February is Black History Month in America…The controversial question that still begs 2 be answered IS= Does America really NEED a Black History Month? And if so, why is it important? Also, is ONE month tribute ENOUGH? For those that are BLACK; aren’t ya’ll BLACK every single day? For those that aren’t Black ; do you attempt to learn anything new regarding Black History during February? One last question I’ll give my views on= IS Black History Month just a “token” given to Blacks to put a band-aid on old wounds? WHY is it so difficult to have a decent, honest, OPEN dialogue about RACE still in America today? ~~~~~ First, a brief history lesson on how Black History Month came to be. Or do ya’ll already know? Oh well , for those that don’t know it began because of the efforts of Dr. Carter G. Woodson & Rev. Jessie E. Moorland. Dr. Woodson was the former son of SLAVES and the SECOND Black person in history to receive a degree from Harvard University. Because Dr. Woodson felt preserving one’s heritage was important he urged the fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, to create ‘Negro History and Literature Week’ in 1920. He “chose” February to honor two men who had a great deal to do with altering the future of Black Americans. President Abraham Lincoln and Abolitionist Frederick Douglas(both men were born in February) Thus the creation of what we now celebrate as Black History Month in America was born…

I’ll briefly answer my own questions I posed earlier..Later, I’ll dig deeper. First of all , NO, Black History Month, isn’t a “token” given to Blacks in America for any old wounds caused by years & years & years & YEARS of slavery…As I’ve briefly explained earlier Black History Month was created by a Black man for Black American citizens to feel a sense of PRIDE about themselves..Something that was badly neeeeeeded when he first worked so diligently to have it created. Next, do I feel America still needs a Black History Month? Yes, I sure DO…Why is Black History Month important? I’ll dig deeper into that later. Aren’t Black Americans Black & proud every day and not just during Black History Month? Well , I sure AM. Every morning when my feet hit the floor and I look in the mirror I know several things for sure. I AM BLACK. I am a WOMAN. I am a loved child of GOD. Not necessarily in that order but being Black is always first…and I make no apologies for that. But later I will try to explain why. And the last question=WHY in the heck is it so very difficult to have an open & honest dialogue(among Blacks , Whites, and any other race/color/creed) about RACE in America??????! Especially when WE all know it is still very much an issue in our country….

For the naysayers, Black and White, who want to keep their heads in the sand; and think RACE issues don’t still exist in our country…Ask President Obama’s good friend Henry Louis Gates, Jr if it does. A highly! educated Black man who in recent years was reminded that NO matter how educated he was/is..he is still BLACK. Not even being the close friend of the President of the United States could save him from public humiliation. Just because WE don’t discuss race issues doesn’t meant it isn’t still an issue…And mayhaps IF we did discuss it more(in a civil fashion..) it could finally begin to solve the issue. Unless you were blind and deaf you certainly have seen RACE raise its ugly head just prior to and since President Obama became President of the United States…I don’t have enough time to list all the ways but ya’ll can google all the incidents/things said/happenings if you don’t believe me..

In my opinion , Black History Month, is necessary to educate ALL American citizens..Quiet as kept there are MANY Blacks who don’t even know their own history! For IF they did why would “some” feel Black History Month is no longer necessary? Begun by a Black man to give Blacks a sense of pride; I truly think it is still needed for that very reason..and more. Mayhaps if other races are educated about Blacks the race issues would cease! As I’ve said many times before we are ALL far more alike ; than different. And often times ignorance about a topic can cause people to have distorted beliefs/thoughts about said topic. Note to parents: IF you’re depending on the American public educational system to teach your child about being BLACK or about other races or Black History …it won’t happen! Get them books, share their family tree with them/ share with them family history stories..etc..KNOWLEDGE is POWER. My sincere hope/prayer is that people are indeed learning something new every single time Black History Month rolls around…As much as I’ve studied Black History including my own family history; I’m still learning new things my dang self. It is closed minds that will take far longer to move past the old ways of thinking…

~~As a person I love ALL people…of all races/creeds/beliefs. As a Catholic Christian I know we are ALL loved children of GOD. I don’t understand how any Christian could with good conscience call themselves a Christian and yet HATE with the level of hate I’ve seen/witnessed/experienced! ; simply based on the color of one’s skin. Matter of fact there is no one on this planet I hate. There are a handful of people I ‘ve run into that I don’t care for; real talk. But I don’t hate them. I just don’t care to spend ANY of my precious time being around them nor speaking of them. And only one of them isn’t Black.. I’m still praying on how to get past that…never said I was perfect.

Quite honestly  in recent years I’ve heard the N word used more by Blacks than anyone else..As a word of affection no less! What kind of shiiite is that?!? You can’t turn a WORD thats past is so negative that Blacks died cause they REFUSED to be called that word; into a positive word. I don’t care if it is JUST a word. I don’t allow it to be said in my surroundings . And I didn’t allow our sons to say it either…the ignorance has to stop somewhere. And I draw the line there. There is enough ignorance about what is or isn’t racism to wrap around our country a cazillion times..For the record there is a difference between racism and prejudice. Every time any of us labels a person by race, unless asked to describe someone by their race, we are exhibiting our prejudice. I’ve got my hand raised high; I’ve done it. And I try to catch myself but I’ve done it…I’m still working on that too. More proof I’m not perfect. In closing my sincere hope is that we can open up honest exchanges about RACE our country…Its past time. We’ve just TOGETHER put into office , for the 2nd time, the first ever Black man in the highest position of our country. That alone wasn’t enough to stomp out racism..Anyone who thought that was going to be enough wasn’t thinking logically. Rome wasn’t built in a day…nor can something so monumental be solved in one day or action. BUT we’re making progress…and that is wonderful! Like any good parent my DREAM is for my sons to live in a country that they are considered EQUAL…judged based not on the color of their skin..but ALLL of their years of education, their experience, their HEARTS, and all of their hard work. I co-raised my sons to LOVE all people and they do! I refused to teach them to hate..What we did do was teach them to be PROUD of who they are. Which includes embracing their Black heritage. One can’t know where the heck they’re going in life; if they don’t know who they are & where they’ve come from. And while I do have  a preference for who will be my love mate/life mate; I’m not racist. Though! I’ve had White guys who have asked me out say they felt that was racist. It isn’t . It is a preference. I just happen to be HONEST about my preference from the jump…Chalk it up to the level of highest respect I have for my highest male role model. My Father/Daddy who is Black..Little girls either are attracted to men like their Fathers or the opposite…I fall into the first category. Think about the preferences people have with who they’re attracted to??? Blondes. Women with big boobs.(even if they’re FAKE) Women with small waists & big butts. Women with small waists/big butts & big boobs! How about women who won’t date a man under 6 foot? Or won’t date anyone that isn’t fit or fyneeeee as heck. My preference just happens to involve skin color. And I absolutely LOVE chocolate skin..and the swagger of a confident brother??? Omg, no substitute for that…. Also, if anyone out there reading this has anything to add or correct me on things I’ve written; feel free. I’m ready to rap if you are…4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013

**Mardi Gras 2013**What it represents..DPChallenge*PostaDay*

Many who travel to New Orleans to party  aren’t aware of the rich culture & history that define Mardi Gras..As a 5th generation original New Orleanian(New Orleans is always HOME no matter where we reside now) I’m going to do my best to give ya’ll some background..You can take the person out of New Orleans; but can’t take New Orleans out of the person! WE are fun loving, down 2 earth, loving folks who will make you feel at HOME..and also? For sure WE know how to have a goooood time & PARTY..Isn’t life far too brief not to play just as  hard as we work?

>>What ya’ll might not know is that New Orleans is a predominatly Catholic/Christian city…Mardi Gras is a time to get “it” all out of one’s system prior to preparing for the resurrection. Easter…Mardi Gras precedes Lent. During Lent  we have 40 days of sacrifice to imitate our Lord.

During Mardi Gras much of the businesses and roads are SHUT down! It is one BIG party allll week long..People walk everywhere &  meeting new friends . Folks dressed in wild & crazy & COLORful costumes..There are parades, formal balls, and the FOOD..omg! there is NO food on earth like the food from New Orleans. The floats in the parades are beautiful ..beads and FUN galore. Kids and adults alike dance and dance

IF you want to visit a city full of LOVE and 2getherness while having a good time/IF you love to dance and dance!/IF you love gooood food and gooood people check out New Orleans during Mardi Gras! And IF you’re there next year and you see someone about 5’4 in a CUTE  costume/laughing/dancing/and probably talking Lol! then say “hello” ..because that will be ME.

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Post a Day 2013, ^Political, ^^Thought Provoking^^

*VIOLENCE*The New NORMAL in America?!? It will always beget VIOLENCE

Why IS our country so obsessed with guns?!? And why does NRA have SO much pull it can toss loopholes(and has…) into even the best laid out plans to fix the gun issues in America like the Brady Bill? Mind you that was yet another time in history folks got all wound UP and decided to make a change to the guns laws…due to a violent act , by gun, against James Brady(was shot by Hinckley, Jr during an assassination attempt on Ronald Regan) WHY does their (..NRA’s) say or voice matter more than OURS; aren’t WE the people the ones whose VOTE is our voice?! And WHY does it take a violent act, by gun, against groups of children or government official to inspire politicians to do the RIGHT thing? IS the NRA paying off politicians or what?!?? And THIS question truly begs to be answered: WHO are all these Americans(including NRA members) stock piling guns UP to hunt ????? Hmmm think about that for a minute…

**And I know its out of desperation to save lives BUT..what a SHAMEful day it is that has come when WE there have to be ARMED guards in American elementary schools! A very SAD day indeed when parents have to be fearful when sending their young ones off to school..*shaking my head* After I cried a river of tears over the recent incident of “babies” slaughtered; my 2nd thoughts were THANK YOU GOD my sons are grown and finished with public schools(And yet! my sons are in college and I’ve lived to see folks NUT up and go shooting sprees on college campus as well) ..Who would’ve thought an American parent would ever fear sending their young one off to LEARN? Is this still America? Land of the free and my country “tis of thee ; of milk and honey. A country that boasts proudly of being the BEST place on earth…

Should it only be the parents of innocent children SHOT that speak UP for what is right and just? How many more shootings are going to take place before WE the PEOPLE stand UP and say ENOUGH is ENOUGH..Don’t we all deserve to feel safe while doing random things?!? Like walking into a movie theater to watch a movie. Like walking into a Walmart to shop. Like sending young children off to school.  Like walking through a neighborhood wearing a HOODIE.

And then! 2 add insult to injury NATIONAL GUN DAY this year..was the very same weekend as Martin Luther King, Jr holiday. A man known for nonviolence who was himself gunned down & assassinated by a rifle. Talk about blantant-in-your-face-don’t-give-a-dayum-BOLD-moves…What did we do to try to nip it? Where was the outrage?!? Have we forgotten that multiple voices are amplified in great volume? Have we forgotten all that was accomplished during the civil rights movement by the masses?!? Has the majority just become a bunch of mute, drones going through motions of life but NOT trying to change things for the better? If things continue forward in this manner what will the next generation have to endure?

When will America wake UP? Or have we become a society that has accepted unanticipated & unprovoked violence with guns as the NORM? Do YOU feel as safe today walking about minding your own business; as you did even 5 years ago? It apparently can happen anywhere…from college campus to elementary school and anywhere in between. Land of the free? Truly home of the “brave” to walk about and feel free/secure/safe  these days..Do NOT sit out on voting and or getting involved in YOUR/OUR country; get UP and do your part. Go to City Council meetings/learn the legislative process for heaven’s sake!/write to YOUR congressman to speak your disgust! with the lack of present gun laws/MAKE THE POLITICIANS WORK FOR THE SALARY/CUSH BENEFITS WE PAY FOR!..Many great changes took place right here in America from grass root efforts. Lest WE forget that ONE voice/one person! can start a momentum rolling…It only takes one very small spark to light a fire folks. Things are so OUT of control….but one can never lose HOPE that we can’t once again make AMERICA the great country it has the potential 2 B . WE can do this. It is time to help our President change things for the better. America has become the #1 spot in the world for obesity…Get OFF the couch and keeeeep it moving. WAKE UP AMERICA your children are dying far before they’ve lived their lives…Senior citizens who worked ALL their lives have to pick & frigging choose which meds they can afford..Working class folks have to WAIT to tend to medical needs..The American Dream of owning a home has become a distant dream to MANY..WE can do better! And we must…Our children/future grandchildren are watching & depending on us to do OUR part

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, LOVE, Positive Movement Topic, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Lovers Lesson 101: Think With Your HEART*PostaDay^Berna’s Way..

**This is one of my fave topics in the entire world. In this life time. LOVE..So kick back, get comfy, grab a snack because I’m on ONE this morning! And I’m ready to talk about love; the way I see IT. Sorry folks but I can’t think like a MAN. Though I’ve got the “Act Like A Lady” part well practiced & lived for years. Why can’t I think like a MAN? Quite simply because I’m not one! And though I can “appreciate” my bro Steve Harvey’s “opinion” on love matters…I’ve got my own. Comes quite naturally for me 2 think with my heart & its mandatory that my future man be capable of doing the same. Here I go!  I’m diving IN head first…

**For the YOUTH I hope, and pray! ya’ll don’t let the mass “failure” , yep! I said it, of love relationships scare you from falling IN love. I hope you find a good example out there, somewhere, of a solid, true love relationship to have some guidelines @what a loving relationship even looks like. As I’ve matured  & trying to age oh! so gracefully I’ve come to learn alot of folks don’t have that..I’ve met far few people who are from homes that weren’t broken; than not. I’m blessed in many, many ways..took me so long to come to realize that. Might sound like bragging but it is simply the truth. Fighting the urge to digress ….Simply said as a child of life long parents IN love/still married/life partners; I had no excuse to fail at marriage. Right? Mayhaps…so instead of beating self UP(done enough of that over the years..) I’ve decided to look back on my love relationships, briefly, to discern what the lesson was/IS. My sum UP(a Berna’ism) from experiencing being “in love” 3 times; is that I’m pretty dang fortunate. Only married one of them and friends still with all 3 of them…Let love begin with friendship. Why? Because love that is allowed to grow from a friendship; never ends. You’ll no longer desire to be in a union with them; but you’ll always care for them as people. Lovers lesson #1=Choose good people with good hearts…It matters!

^There is NO substitute on this planet, in my humble opinion, than being IN love. A close runner UP to giving birth/life! to being the number 1 type of love one can experience on earth. Letting go of one’s heart strings is worth risking possibly being hurt…It has taken me years to truly believe that and to be ready once again. Being ready to love means trusting someone with your prized possession..Your HEART. For some of us that are so used to being control freaks; letting go to BE loved is not an easy task. Especially when one has been hurt before…If you’re young and have already been hurt you must first forgive whoever hurt you. And then let that hurt and pain GO. There is no chance for new love if you’ve not done that first…Exclamation mark. Period!

Love IS how you feel when in the company of the object of your affections!  That is how one falls IN love..When someone else’s heart links UP with yours. Sometimes very quickly. Yep, I’m a believer in love at first sight. Not just from a visual perspective but when 2 hearts and 2 souls link UP from the onset…Has happened to me once and it was as  real as real can BE. With love even the impossible is quite possible…

I think women and men are as different as any two things on this planet…I feel GOD made us soooo different to always keep things exciting/fresh; and far from boring. Just trying to link UP 2 such different ways of thinking takes alot of effort/time/patience/trust/RESPECT/understanding/COMMUNICATION..and when alll of that syncs UP it is something that NO one(no man, no woman!, nor creature) can break apart. Solid as a rock; Ashford & Simpson wrote a song about that once. But! thatsbackwhentheymadeREALsongswithREAL lyrics…

Think with your heart and trust the feelings that come about because of it…Try hard to remember IF it is meant to be; it will BE. So don’t attempt to force love. Don’t settle for ANYTHING less…if you think with your heart it is easy to discern real love from lust. For the younger woman out there never forget this=ANY man can lay down with you and have SEX…Takes “the man” your “the ONE” to make love 2 you; he will take you 2 heaven mentally! He’ll fill your thoughts ALL throughout the day and every  single one of your dreams at night…I wish for ya’ll the same thing I’ve prayed for & know will enter my world this year. I can feeeeeel IT coming…Instead of just saying I’m waiting on my “the ONE” I’ve got a new name for it. I’m waiting on *MY BARACK OBAMA * to find me! Not Michelle’s(she better be glad she snagged him first cause there is a longggg line of us who wanted to be #1 ) but a different one with the same qualities(ohhh he loooooks at her with such LOVE) ; one that was created/born! just to love ME. And on that note I’m signing off….Until I read ya’ll/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, **RELIGIOUS**, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^The way DOWN is the way UP?^ Makes perfect sense 2 me..*WordPress DPChallenge

**No worries..IF the phrase@The way down is the way UP doesn’t make sense to U yet; it is because you’ve NOT  entered the 2nd part of your spiritual life. Least according to the author, Richard Rohr, who penned the book ‘Falling UPward’.  A recommended read by one of my spiritual advisors & also one of the BEST books I’m glad to have read. Ever…and ever is a very long time. Are ya’ll ready for the way I see IT? >

**I was simply going to do a review of the book,’Falling Upward’by Richard Rohr(also penned ‘The Naked Now‘which is also on my reading list) then I decided to write my thoughts on his book. Which is SO aligned with the phase of life I’m in right now..feels as if I could’ve written it! Ever read a poem/quote/book and said ‘Dangggg I could’ve/should’ve written that first?!?

The message conveyed with the phrase@The way DOWN is the way UP is simple and clear. >A person can NOT avoid sin or making mistakes in life! I tried waybackwhenIwasstrugglingtobeaperfectionist…IF one tries too hard to NOT sin/make mistakes ; it can (and usually does..) lead to worse problems. Trip on this for a  minute…cause I had an AHA moment when I read this in the book . Remember the story about the prodigal son?!? Who had done everything in his life totally wrong? And the other son had done everything totally right in his life? Who ended UP being God‘s beloved?!!!

**ONE of the best-kept secrets of the soul  is this concept…One more example before I truly dig into this..Sleeping Beauty! We’ve all heard that fairy tale story told , right? Hows that for an example of LOSS and RENEWAL? She has to sleep for a hundred years! before she can receive the prince’s kiss..WOW thats a longgggg time to wait for some loving! But the question that begs to be answered is WHY is it this concept a secret of the soul?!? Or is it that we make a deliberate choice not to see it? When we see we’re heading into a down spiral we kick and scream against the flow; who wants to go down or what is perceived as backwards? Or worse at a standstill? Why do we “fear” feeling bad for a minute? Especially when in actuality “during” and once pulling out of those awful times…the clarity achieved during the seemingly “stand still ” positions is mind blowing. Or least it was for me. I knew I’d grown in major leaps and bounds when I could finally! glance back(for a brief moment) and see clearly the lessons I was supposed to GET during the awful bad times. One such case in particular my divorce so long ago. I never thought I’d EVER want to love again after that..Divorce to me then meant failure. And failure wasn’t an option for me at that point of my life. Such a perfectionist I “used” 2 be

>In a nutshell its my belief now that NOT only are we to learn from our mistakes in this life journey; we are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. It is a part of the human experience..Isn’t victory sweeeeeter after having attempted , again, after first failing? Don’t we appreciate the things in life that we did NOT take for granted? And the “suffering” periods some of us have been through..often I’ve said I had to learn the hard way alot of times. Could mayhaps that have been the only way I’d finally get “it?” I once said, after divorce, I could NOT wait to get to the “other side” of the funky feeling I felt. And felt that funky feeling for years and years..A friend quoted me on that in one of his published books. But when I finally did get to the other side?! WOW I can’t stop smiling. And smiling. And laughing..for there were a few years I’d forgotten how to laugh. I can smile and laugh because I made it through and crawled my way through alot of shiiiiite tunnels. Would life have been this sweet to me now if I hadn’t had to wade through “ish” to get here?

What I know for sure is for the past couple years I don’t have many rainy days. Maybe a handful…not because crap hasn’t happened. But because I began to change MY entire way of thinking. Entirely. One must learn to find beauty in everything. Even the bittersweet things. The good times wouldn’t be as good; IF one hadn’t also experienced and survived bad times. And that is the way I see it every single day now. From the moment we “wake” up each day we’re blessed! And in my opinion if we look at the fresh start of each day with that positive thought..the entire day can’t be all negative. We only have all bad days if we want to. The choice is ours<

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Post a Day 2013, WOW

>>BLOGGING is…<< WordPress DP Challenge*PostADay*

Blogging IS something I’ve quickly grown to love…Not only that I couldn’t have picked a better place to begin my new venture than WordPress! I’ve had an amazing 3 months here and of course I’ve got a few things to say about it. This is the way I see IT..

Deciding to BLOG isn’t an easy decision..least it wasn’t for ME. I was going to expose my most intimate and innermost thoughts/ideas/feeeeeelings. In a sort of way like being butt-naked and walking into a formal event! Can you imagine?!? Anywayz its been something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now..for several reasons. To first & foremost share from my lifes’ journey with the youth..the good, the bad, and yep! the ugly. To nuture and share love is part of my natural DNA. However, I wasn’t quite sure how I’d be received or what I’d encounter..for I can be quite blunt and at this age say pretty much what I’m feeeeeling. Just flows off my lips and now my fingertips. And after all this is the internet! Took cajones(not literally for I’m all woman..) to join a website, with NO prior knowledge of how to even design a page(still learning; I can’t tell you from day 2 day what color my font will be lol!) and share parts of ME/my thoughts/my experiences/my original poems/my emotions  with the entire world. To be precise  I’m ONE in 60, 593,723 bloggers on WordPress. And to receive comments from even ONE person in the midst of such outstanding writers?!??? I am humbled , almost, beyond words…I’ve had people from alll over the world hit my blog page: Canada, Cambodia, Africa, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Argentina, England, France, India, and of course my country the United States. I’ve interacted on blog pages with people from all countries, all creeds, all backgrounds..pretty much the same as I do offline. I’ve invested alot of my spare time into what I share here…proof reading over and over after I let my thoughts flow freely from my fingertips. I’m always COGNIZANT that this is a permanent carbon copy of my words. Of parts of me…Who knows? My future grandchildren might one day read this! My parents read this. My church family/family members & friends read this. And recently my hair was blown back! when I discovered co-workers actually print what I’ve written here as a momento! OMG and WOW..talk about humbling. So, I say all of this to take a brief station break from posting a topic to say THANK YOU to ALL of YOU.  You’ve made my first step into the blogging world a BEAUTIFUL learning experience. And as I further work on my writing skills I aspire to reach the level so many of ya’ll here are..ya’ll keeeeep the bar raised HIGH here. I love IT. As always stay UPlifted & blessed until I read/write ya’ll again…4ever sincere Berna (the 1 n only)

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Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Health Matters*, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

`PILL POPPING PIMPED PEOPLE` *DP PostaDay Challenge*

**DEEP topic ALERT** I’m going 2 do my best 2 give this topic the due justice it deserves..Are ya’ll ready for me? I’m diving IN head 1st..I hope my uncensored & deep thoughts don’t offend anyone BUT  this is the way I see IT>>

~~It is NO measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly  sick society~~Quote by Krishnamurti

We’re living in a society which now thrives on instant gratification. A wait of more than 5 minutes is far too long..I find myself guilty as charged! Can’t stand waiting in line at the supermarket. I have to distract myself by reading(thank you GOD for the magazines at the check-out stands) while I’m waiting. Can’t stand waiting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. (I’ve got a phobia after being rear ended in Cali, twice!) Even found myself impatiently waiting on text responses..OMG why haven’t they answered my question??? And its only been 15 minutes or so; THAT is ridiculous of me. (especially since I do NOT respond sometimes to texts for hours..) But hasn’t our society also become very hedonistic in nature? For I feel not only do we want things quicker! faster; WE also want things right now that make US feeeeeel good. Even if it is to know we’re SO important to someone they’d answer our texts within minutes…But , how did we get here? I don’t recall backintheday feeling as if things had to be so rushed! I remember a day(OMG I’m starting to sound like my parents..) when we’d have to wait to get home to discover we’d forgotten to buy something at the market. Long, long before the birth of cell phones or even the old-skool beepers. Backinthedays when people actually walked UPright; and not bent over walking peering into a smart phone! As IF we can’t wait to get to a stand still position to keep up with texts, news, or Facebook happenings..Jeeeeeez. Have those things really become that important to us?!? When did it come to pass that folks stopped learning how to deal naturally with bad feelings or bodily symptoms? Got a headache? Pop a Tylenol in your mouth! Got menstrual cramps? Pop a Midol in your mouth! Can’t keep an erection? Pop a Viagra in your mouth! Feeling SAD for longer than 5 minutes? Pop a Prozac in your mouth! Want to win a cazillion Olympic medals? Pop illegal pills in your mouth! Feeling moody for a day? Pop a pill ! Kids can’t keeeeeep still in school? Give them some ritalin; which I feeeeeel then gets children HOOKED onto drugs for LIFE…Real talk 

**About 20 years ago I began to see a distinct change …Prior to that I wasn’t even aware of  how many CHILDREN were being prescribed(with parental consent!) drugs. Backintheday when I was in school there were just hyper normal ACTIVE children..We had what was called recess and P.E. to run off the energy. AND our parents didn’t load us UP with all kinds of sugary foods…least mine didn’t. My bro and I used to BEG my Mom to buy pop tarts/sugar smacks cereal(do they still sell that?) and anything with tons of sugar in it. BUT she didn’t cave in..we ate cheerios, rice crispies, etc..The things I’m thankful for now; that I hated as a child. Sorry I digressed badly with that flashback. But anyways back to 20 years ago I experienced a teacher, yep!, telling me mayhaps my middle son neeeeeded “something”…Something like what? Something to help him NOT to be so active..Oh, really??? I won’t tell you what my first response was to her. Nor will I tell you what my 2nd response was. BUT I wasn’t the person I was today back then. My tongue is a lethal weapon; I’ve learned how to bite it alot these days…Back then? I’m sure till this day, if she is alive, she recalls what I said to her…

Note to parents: YOU are your children’s advocate and VOICE. No one, and I mean no one, has the right to tell you to put your children on drugs. Not even to suggest IT. And IF they do and they happen to be a public educator; you can make dang sure they’re disciplined and or FIRED. It is my sincere belief that putting children on drugs! at early ages; can get them on a path of addiction. I don’t need a study to tell me this. I’ve witnessed other people(I never let anyone prescribe mood altering drugs for my middle son or any son I’ve got) whose children later became addicts. I’ve also heard stories from addicts who feel that is how/why they became addicts. Doesn’t it make sense? First of all anything you have to wean someone OFF of gradually(which you have to do with those drugs); can’t be a goooood thing. Second of all the same results can be attained by altering a child’s diet. Give them little to NO foods with sugar or color additives..The healthier option anyway! Stop feeeding them junk food just because it is more convenient. Keep children active. Get them involved in school sports activities..All 3 of my sons were active, hormonal , NORMAL boys.  Even in a city with temps of 100 degrees plus in the summer, yep! it was hot as HELL,  we took them to the park after dark to RUN off their energy. And the school gym. And walked alot in air conditioned Malls. By whatever means necessary worked their energy OFF; with 3 young ACTIVE  sons it was also a survival tactic. Otherwise I’m sure we’d have gone bonkers!  But I had a friend whose teacher told her/her husband IF they didn’t put their child on ritalin? Said teacher was going to tie their son to a chair to keeeeeep him still…I was horrified when I heard that. Tried with all my might to talk them out of doing it. But they did ; and started years of having to alter the level of ritalin . PLUS watching that child go through all sorts of physical emotional changes..Including walking around like a drug numbed zombie. And I’m sorry , in my opinion, that is not normal for a young growing boy.

>Before I wrap this up let me preface by saying …I’m NOT speaking in regards to people who takes meds for health issues. Nor do I have the right to judge anyone who chooses medication to stay alive. What I will say in regards to that is for the youth….an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Translation: eat well, treat your body right, exercise!, drink tons of water, intake fresh veggies/fruits. I’m still doing those things even at my age..trying with all my might to “not” have to join the ranks of pill poppers for health reasons. Much as I love life though if my Doc ever says I have to…Well , hopefully I won’t have to be concerned with that decision anytime soon.

Mood enhancers. Mood -altering drugs…Are they really necessary? Can’t becoming dependent on them cause death??? As seen with my beloved Michael Jackson, Whitney and even Tina Marie. What about folks like Charlie Sheen? Talented as he is; he looks about a cazillion years older than he is. And how about the folks who get on a drug for chronic pain? And then due to side effects have to get on another drug? And another drug to get over the side effects of that one! It happens…Not only that one can become addicted to pain pills. Even with the warnings that a drug can be addictive; people still need something to dull unbearable pain. And though I wouldn’t indulge I still feel natural drugs should be made legal! Like marijuana…but that is another topic for another time. (could be one heck of an anti-depressant though couldn’t it??! ) As I stated in another post though one of the very BEST anti-depressants doesn’t cost a dime. And it is alllll natural. SEX. I won’t digress though for thats a topic I could speak on for far too long. (scroll back to the topic in my blog …) How about folks altering their state of mind instead of popping a pill??? Just say NO to drugs for mood enhancing and try the alternative of doing it naturally..Exercise is a mood lifter! It releases endorphins in the brain/reduces depression/promotes self-esteem. IF folks in our country exercised more we’d not be the leading country in OBESITY; and possibly not so hooked on anti-depressants. 2 issues solved with 1 solution=What a bargain! (anyone out there recall when that phrase was popular? lol!) Pharma companies revenue climbed more than $200 billion between 1995 and 2010. Thats alot of loot  folks..and they’re now spending 19 times more self-promoting than basic research. Now I don’t say all of this to say that there aren’t people out there with true depression issues..There are. Mental illness is a serious issue. BUT what I am saying is there are alot of people who do NOT have serious depression issues…that are on meds. Including children…In my opinion? All other natural options should be considered first. Its very easy to pop a pill. But it is VERY difficult to stop an addiction that can start with popping pills..And addictions can grow. Ask Rush Limbaugh. That IS…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^Political, ~To B Continued

~~My Interview of President Barack Obama (creatively speaking..) ~~

Last night I attended a  very classy celebration to honor  President Barack Obama(took place at a top tiered university alumni  hall here) ..Hosted by a FABULOUS group of 20 Black Women who decided to start an organization  to do THEIR part to help GET Barack Obama into the White House  the 1st time.  An amazing group of women who did what we should ALL do when we want something done..they did it themselves. They contributed over 1,800 HOURS of their own time to President Obama’s campaign this past year alone..their accomplishments are countless!(including money raised for both campaigns, voter registrative drives, starting/maintaining college scholarships, etc) Simply called themselves Club 44(President Obama is the 44th president) they’ve inspired ME to always remember that ONE person can make a difference. And in this case..20 people. I’m a  true Obama fan since the day I heard his speech at the DNC in 2004; and 2nd only to the 1st lady as his forever cheerleader! I’ve read both of his books; before he became the President of our country.  Watched hours & hours of his interviews & news clips. Often I’ve said he is one of the few people on earth that I could listen to endlessly, and BE spellbound, even if he was speaking about basket weaving!  Later on 2day I’m going to flex my imagination/my creativity/& my writing skills to enact a mock interview of President Barack Obama..I’ll ask questions I’ve always wanted to ask him & hopefully cover some you’d like to ask  him as well. The questions will all be original questions from my minds’ eye. Some of the answers will be actual words straight from President Obama’s lips.(from transcripts) Other answers will be what I “think” he’d say ;  from all that I’ve heard him say(or read) on specific topics. BEfore I dig in I’d like to say its my desire to get some little known FACTS about President Obama printed in black & white. There is MUCH thats been accomplished by his administration that the media has NOT printed.(well not on front pages…) I do hope that American citizens continue to do their own due diligence prior to voting in any election. Don’t lean on hear-say nor the media to form your opinion ..Not alone anyway. I’ve gathered information from an array of venues and I always will when voting. Voting is a right that even if I have to crawl to the voting booth; I’ll always participate .  I once ran for political office & used the slogan” YOUR vote, is YOUR voice..and to this day I still feel that way.

~~IF given the opportunity (and who knows what the future holds; NEVER count me out on anything I want to DO) to interview President Barack H. Obama II; these are the questions I’d ask~~

President Obama first I’ve GOT to say what a honor it is for me to interview you..I was your campaign “warrior” long before many knew who you were back in 2004. I joined voter registration drives in 2007 for the 1st time ever! Because you were running..I also became a 1 woman walking verbal billboard for you at that same time(and I talked to ALOT of people) So having said that , and hoping you’re comfortable here with me, my first question IS:

**Name something, not well known , you support or are in favor of? > “Allowing churches to provide welfare services . <

**Can you share with those who might not know(but by the way I know already…) the program YOUR administration designed & implemented to keep defaulting homeowners  IN their homes? >”A $75 billion dollar plan/program called , The Home Affordable Refinance Program. By July 2010 , 390,000  homeowners, had permanently re-modified their home loans. Which allowed them to avoid foreclosure and keep their homes. The program is also known as , The Obama Refi Plan. <

**Are you for or against a woman’s right to choose? >” Abortion is a woman’s right for its HER body; & her choice on what to do with her body.< Period!

**President Obama as of this moment the “average” person can’t afford to run for President of our country. I find that totally UNfair and very discouraging for today’s youth. What have you done, if anything, to change that? >”The first bill I  ever passed was the , Campaign Finance Reform bill. It was the first in a generation in Illinois. In terms of my OWN campaign, I did NOT accept monies from lobbyists nor PACs..<

**Your administration President Obama has had ALOT of firsts! I don’t think the majority know just how MUCH you/your administration has accomplished. Off the top of your head please give us ONE such example of a first you’ve acomplished while President? > ” WE launched the first-EVER National study of discrimination against members of the LGBT community in the rental and sale of housing. It was determined that LGBT  discrimination should be subject to a standard of ‘heightened scrutiny’. Also another first of MANY; myself & the 1st Lady led the first-EVER White House conference on bullying prevention.<

**President Obama WHY do you think your efforts at bipartianship didn’t work out as you’d wished for? >”…I think Republicans made a calculated decision which was, ‘, You know what? WE really screwed UP the economy! Obama seems popular. Our best bet is to stand on the sidelines…Because WE think the economy’s gonna get worse, and at some point, WE’LL be able to just blame Obama.'<

**As a woman I feel women should rightfully be paid the same wages as men..Of course for doing the same work-load holding the same title…How do you feel about equal pay for women? Especially considering you’ve got two young daughters…>”The very FIRST bill I signed into law on Jan, 29, 2009 was the, Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. It was an amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1964…By signing it into law it allows women to be able to challenge legally if they’re victims of pay discrimination. “<

**How do you feel about Photo I.D. requirements for voting? >”I sponsored rejecting the notion! It disenfranchises Americans. Specifically African Americans and large minority populations. “<

I’ve got just one more question President Obama. Of a personal nature…Did you get the tribute poem I wrote for you recently & sent to the White House?>”Yes, I did….I  love IT!”<

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^HIGH Maintenance Alert^ Recently I was asked if I was ~N~ my response was a FAT fib..

^Setting UP the scene for ya’ll which brings this topic to mind:  During my weekly lunch breaks I head to the Mall sometimes.  2 squeeeeeze in alot of walking( GREAT exercise) while I window shop. Sooooo on this particular day I’d walked past a DEAL I had to stop in to check out..Shoes, shoes and rows of shoes on sale for 50% OFF..OMG, my ideal of   heaven!..Anywayz I was leaning down strapping on a pair of heels when I heard this voice say. ” Those compliment your legs”. I looked UP and there was the HOTTEST(his picture is probably listed on google somewhere under ‘incredibly SEXY & fineeeeee’)  brother I’ve seen  since moving cross country almost 14 months prior. For a  minute I thought I was dreaming. ( I do alot of that lately..) I had to blink twice to make sure I was really seeing him. BUT , I wanted to remain smoooooth and composed. So I opened my mouth and said something really stupid! “How long have you been standing there watching me???”  And then? Instead of giving me a sassy retort ; this brother began to “use” the very dating technique which I thought! I’d mastered..until he began to use IT. And blew my hair back with his questions. He began to interview me , right then & there, on the spot! With me, caught very OFF guard, these were my answers…

…His answer..”I’ve been watching you long enough to know I’m interested in knowing more about you”..OOooo I thought to myself, goooood answer. Then he said, ” Do you have a minute to humor me?” So I said,”I’ll give you 15 minutes as you walk me to my car because I’ve got to get back to work”..I  had no clue he was getting ready to give me his own interview questions. Quickly, but he managed to get it done. Told me to answer in one word or two if possible..OMG he doesn’t know I’ve got an issue with brevity! My stomach was doing a combination of somersaults and butterflies..didn’t know if I was going to vomit or explode from nervousness. I hoped! I didn’t look as nervous as I felt and yet also very..excited N intrigued. HE was(is) different from the onset. And I truly dig different & unique..

He began with ” Are you seeking a relationship? And if so, do you know what type? ”  I answered, yes/yes. “Whats your biggest pet peeve? I answered, married or taken men that hit on me. “Whats your idea of your favorite date night? ” Hmmm this will take more than 2 words. I’m picked up by my date. He has chosen the place and not told me. I love being surprised! He has planned something that is special, took forethought, and something that will involve quality time spent. “If you could have any superpower what would it be? And why? ” Ooooo good one! I wish I could magically give all hungry people food, all homeless people homes, and all people without love in their lives, love! Because love can make all things possible and I don’t feel anyone should be hungry, homeless or without experiencing love. “What is one of the most embarassing moments in your life?” Ugh, had alot of those! But one of them was the time I ran into a parked car one morning on the way to work. Longggg time ago cause I know how to drive now. VERY embarassing and I had my eldest son in the car with me…He said, “Damn that is a pretty bad one! Were you both ok?” I said, yes, how thoughtful of you to ask that…”What physical feature do you like most about yourself?” I said, my lips. “What physical feature do you hate about yourself?” I said, my oily skin. “Who is someone you wish you were closer to?” I said that is an easy one, GOD. And I’m working on that daily. “Are you high maintenance?” WOW things were rolling along SO well. We had just reached my car. This was the first time I’d paused before answering…How the heck am I supposed to answer that??!??? Especially when I think I know the answer and I’m big on this is ME take me as I am; BUT no one has ever asked me this!!!! And then I opened my mouth and told a bold faced lie. Which because I knew I was telling a lie has got to be a double whammy SIN. I couldn’t look him in the face when I answered. So I started fumbling with my keys and mumbling I had to go back to work. Danggggggg why did he have to ask that question???? *sigh* He was watching my every move and I suddenly felt like he could see every bit of me. Including my soul..I opened my mouth and said “No , I’m not high maintenance. I’m totally self-efficient” Wth was I saying?? And doing? And why?!? I don’t even know this dude. He could be a mass murderer for all I know. A stalker! A pervert. He looked down at me(talllll and fineeee) and said “That is the first time you’ve lied to me. And its good to see you don’t lie well at all…*pregnant pause*  May I have your cell number?” ~~~

Fast forward to that evening…I was talking to my Mom and said I don’t think I’m high maintenance ; do you? OMG My Mom couldn’t answer fast enough! Bottom line is she said yep! you are but not in a bad way…What is that supposed to mean??? Anyways the Mall brother has called every week about twice a week since then…. He’s an attorney who is going to be relocating here from cross country. Was here briefly to survey the area to see if he wanted to take a job offer..He’s a divorced attorney with a daughter in college. Asked me if I’d go out on a date with him after he’s here & settled .(he moves end of March) I said sure if I’m still single…Now that I have admitted to myself and him this is my definition. IF high maintenance means maintaining my health, fitness, my body(including my hair, nails, toes, appearance) ..than yep! i AM. But I’m self-sufficient in all ways. I don’t need nor require a man to take care of me nor my bills. What I do need is a man that loves & cherishes me.  IF high maintenance means I require the attention of my significant other. Than yep! I am. BUT I also give what I want in return. IF high maintenance means I like to communicate with my significant other. Than yep! I am. I can’t read minds nor do I pretend to…I’ll make contact with my S.O. by talking, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, smoke signal!, even send a message in a bottle if need BE. IF high maintenance means because I’m friends with my xhusband & xboyfriend. Than yep! I am. But if  you have TRUST issues than you’re not the one for me anyway. IF high maintenance means I require spending time with my S.O. Than yep! I am. Quality time is a MAJOR must with me. In my minds eye  it is the best gift a man can offer; his time. Likewise for me..Amount of time spent isn’t half as important to me as the content. I’m busy too…IF high maintenance means I like to know I’m thought about from time to time during the day by my S.O. Than yep! I am. Thats what texts were created for , isn’t it??? If a man is seeking a woman that is easy, doesn’t have an opinion, and won’t treat him like her King..than I’m NOT the woman for him. If a man is seeking a good woman, with a good/sincere heart!, who believes in GOD, and will treat him like the King he IS..then here I am. Take me as I am & I’ll follow suit. Because I’m…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>Why ALPA Men Rule the/MY World..DP CHALLENGE*PostADay*Berna’s Way

>Common Alpha(Type A personality) Male Traits:  Natural born leader. Self-confident. Demonstrate strength. VERY comfortable in their own skin. Extreme competitiveness. Always composed. Physical fitness is priority. Dominant; not aggressive. Superior social skills. Witty. Driven. Problem solver. Optimistic! Exaggerated sense of urgency=time is important/precious. (love that; NEVER a dull moment…) Good communicators. Values efficiency.

THE FOUR ALPHA TYPES:

All alpha males are aggressive, competitive, and driven to achieve. They think big, aim high, and attack their goals with courage, confidence, and tenacity. But each of the four types expresses these common qualities in different ways. Think of them as spices that add flavor to the basic alpha male recipe. Understanding their nuances will give you deeper insight into yourself and the alpha males around you, enabling you to pinpoint strengths you can build upon and risks you need to address. With this more granulated view, you can home in on a specific course of action, just as a doctor can devise a better treatment plan if she knows the exact type of infection a patient has rather than only the broad category.

Here is a brief summary of each type’s primary behavior traits:

  • Commanders: Intense, magnetic leaders who set the tone, mobilize the troops and energize action with authoritative strength and passionate motivation without necessarily digging into the details.
  • Visionaries: Curious, expansive, intuitive, proactive and future-oriented, they see possibilities and opportunities that others sometimes dismiss as impractical or unlikely and inspire others with their vision.
  • Strategists: Methodical, systematic, often brilliant thinkers who are oriented toward data and facts, they have excellent analytic judgment and a sharp eye for patterns and problems.
  • Executors: Tireless, goal-oriented doers who push plans forward with an eye for detail, relentless discipline and keen oversight, surmounting all obstacles and holding everyone accountable for their commitments.

While the above makes for an interesting illustration “AlphaNESS is not something that can be attained from a bottle.Or least thats my opinion based on my experience. This is the way I see IT>

**Alpha, the 1st Greek letter of the alphabet, has become known to “signify”..the first of anything. Animal researchers use the word to denote dominance, applying it to the Leader of the Pack, who is 1st in power & importance. With people(humans) Alpha is defined as , A person tending to assume dominance in whatever they’re involved in. They also possess the qualities /attributes /social skills/confidence for leadership. Naturally, they’re strong, result-driven achievers who insist on TOP performance from themselves & others. They’re usually turned on by bold , innovative & creative ambitious goals. At their BEST , Alpha males  inspire awe and their noble leaderships skills are revered by others. I had the opportunity to partake in an upclose and personal interview of a certain very special Alpha brother who still resides in California.  Though always drawn to Alpha males it was the first time I’d ever taken time to actually ask one a few questions.(and not just based on my life long observations) It yielded   really great answers!  that I’m going to use in my wrap UP of what I feel an Alpha male is and why they rule the/MY world..And yep, President Barack Obama is an Alpha male!

**There is a long standing myth that Alpha males can’t co-exist in a committed monogamous relationship....And while that certainly is probably the case with many Alpha males; I’ve experienced quite the opposite. In fact with someone who was/is a self-proclaimed(and lived up to this proclamation in every way) Alpha of all Alpha’s ; I experienced the best love /mature/honest /committed relationship of my entire life. I’m sure 1st Lady Michelle Obama can attest to the same as well.  Real talk indeed..

**Over the course of  time I asked said Alpha an array of questions @Alpha”dom”.. This  was the sum of his answers, pretty much verbatim , of what living life as an Alpha has meant in his world: >He is used to getting what he wants(always) ; even if that means remaining patient to get it.< **

>>Mayhaps a combination of  height & nature he was quite accustomed to being given service FIRST..even if there was a line before he walked in the door. Any and everywhere! And I witnessed this myself over the course of time. Given any group of male friends HE was , without spoken words, the leader. This I also witnessed myself. He felt his aggressiveness also meant his was abrasive; I found this to be totally untrue.(except when football was on the boob tube! OMG..but that is another story for another time) VERY protective and outstanding Father/Daddy and significant other. He made it clear to all that “I” was to be looked out for(including the many times I got lost driving! yet another story for another time..) And while the “myth” about Alpha’s is that they have to be served..I can personally attest to being  absolutely spoiled(well, truth IS,  I was already spoiled but even more so…)  by said Alpha’s cooking/superb host skills/excellent social skills/high form of communication skills.   An Alpha man has a strong desire to be #1 in every way; and works effortlessly to attain that. From A – Z …

P.S. If there just happens to be an Alpha reading that has anything 2 add or dispute(I know of at least 1 reader out there…) then by ALL means please add your 2 cents..You know you want to!  Including female type A personalities. Which would actually make for an interesting addition to this piece. So hit it if you like…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ^Encouraging Words

>>TRY again N again..Because WE can! DP CHALLENGE PostADay 2013 Berna’s Way..

**I’m jumping back onto the “Post a Day” DP Challenge horse’s back…Shared sentiment with another WP blogger not too long ago how difficult it truly IS to post a day..And it IS..Especially when offline obligations take priority and when catching UP on sleep becomes a MUST. I squeeeeze alot into my days..loving every minute of life..but even I had to put the breaks on some things last week. But thankfully it is a brand new day! And week! There is a song by Aaliyah, an oldie but goodie(those are the BEST) that I adore and it is called try again

“If at first you don’t succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again…”

*Not that I’m complaining about not having enough time 2 do all I desire doing..I really LOVE being busy/staying busy/BEing productive doing PROgressive things..I was chatting with my youngest the other day on the phone..And regarding something we were discussing he said, “Mom you know how it goes. And you taught it to us..Just keeeeeeep it moving forward!” From the mouths of babes and I dig it when it just happens to be someone I was blessed to have co-raised. Life is truly a wonderful “trip” and ride. One of the beautiful things about life is WE can all try again even when we fall short of our own goals. So! Later on 2day I’m back on the postaday challenge kick. Not yet finished having my say N telling it my way…Going to try this one “mo” time. Write/read ya’ll later on tonight.