Posted in =Self Discovery=

>>The DOWNside of a Celibate Lifestyle>>

Most folks that speak on a celibate lifestyle speak on the HIGH notes…Believe it or not there are alot of highs about it..However, there is also a GREAT deal of frustration handling the realities of celibacy..Especially someone whose been in a committed relationship or married majority of their adult life. Someone SEXY and half-arse normal and considered intelligent. Someone that looks alot like ME>>

When I first chose celibacy it had little to do with my religious beliefs..It had more to do with making a conscience choice for less distraction while trying to reach a goal..I’d move cross-country and had a disciplined focus on a set amount of goals..And within a certain time frame..Adding dating to the mix would have been a MAJOR distraction..For I tend to give my all to anything I engage IN..Dating and men is certainly included..Matter of fact?

MEN = 1 of my few weaknesses…I’m not ashamed to admit I love being in love & especially love being married! On the flip side of that I’m also willing to wait (in a celibate state) for marriage before I have sex again..Now,I know most folks think certain things about celibate folks..What comes to mind is either weirdness/priests/OR a maladusted anti-sociable person..I’m NONE of the above..But I do have standards. And the longer I remain celibate; the higher my standards become. And honestly? It has become frustrating as hell!

At first? I was wearing an invisible banner waving it proudly @ I am proudly celibate , waiting and proud! 2 years later it is beginning to feel like a burden..Now it has been SO long that I wonder how much longer I can keep this UP? Not to mention I come from a highly sexed family..I’ve come to a point I don’t believe this is NORMAL..WTF was I thinking? Lawd! We are biologically created to be attracted to men and to want to have SEX..Period

The biggest downside of celibacy is the MEMORIES of how beautiful a loving relationship IS..The God created stress relieving perks that can’t be simulated. Trust me I’ve tried! There is nothing more fulfilling than a love-filled marriage..There is also nothing more aggravating than explaining to someone who doesn’t get IT that “waiting” for my The One doesn’t mean I’m pushing marriage. IF not desiring to settle for less means I’m pushing marriage; than so be it. It is not an easy walk. And definitely not for the weak hearted..But I’m standing on Faith that it is going to be well worth the wait.

Posted in =Self Discovery=

REALITY Check Time*Yep, even at 50 I’m still learning*

Gotta preface this write by saying..ALL of us fall short of perfection..Top that with I’ve NEVER met a perfect person..And last but not least I personally feel some of the most-righteous-acting-people? In my experience they can be some of the most jacked UP folks of all…I know because I used to be one of them..Used to think I could successfully dot my Ts all the time & that my shiiiite didn’t stink..Until life experiences not only humbled me; but also I learned my most perfect attribute ? My IMperfections & that I’m so very, very human..Y’all ready for this? Diving in head first! >>

Ever say something to someone else & you realize YOU could do well to heed those very words? Recently I said something to a girlfriend and had a HUGE aha! moment..Plus I had a hot flash at the same time(danggg only negative part about my surgery!); which sort of further cemented the moment in my memory. In that very instant it became clear to me I was in need of a self-tune-up-type-of-reality-check..I used to be my own worst critic; helped me to self-motivate. These days instead I try to make sure I keep myself in check and on track..Worked too hard to get here to allow myself to lose focus, however, I am like I said before very human>>

Anyways as I was saying I was talking to a friend recently..I was beginning to say something to her & almost had to BITE my tongue off! What I was about to say was nothing NICE..It was harsh indeed. And? It was about her husband. Ugh! Mind you stopping myself mid-thought-mid-sentence is NO easy task..I can talk UP a storm! Jeeeeez however she means a great deal to me; so I some kind of way stopped myself..Then? I did something I’ve never ‘eva done before..I asked her to pretty please limit what she told me in the future about her husband. Why? Because I won’t be held responsible for what I might say in response..I don’t like him; point-blank! Bad thing? I’ve never met him. Ouch! I hate admitting that part; but its the truth. Yet? I can’t stand even thinking about sharing the same air with him..One might ask how can I not like someone I don’t know??!? Simply said my thoughts/mind has been polluted after ALL of the awful, ugly things I’ve heard about him. From his own wife..And? She IS one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Real talk for real. Am I wrong for pre-judging someone? Yep! absolutely…Nonetheless that doesn’t change how I feel about him. It does , however, cause me to pause and realize OMG that is SO UNchristian of me@pre-judging. Again, for the record let me state as I pre-stated I am so very, very human>>

Goooood grief! The list of rules, regulations, thou-shalt nots, thou-shalt can’ts IS getting longer by the day..Or? Am I just more cognizant since my Confirmation? Hmmmm But I totally didn’t like the idea I was pre-judging someone I didn’t know. Even though I trust the words of my girlfriend; I don’t like being pre-judged myself. So why am I doing it to someone else? It is after all something I’ve tried so hard never to do..Been burned earlier this very year; by not pre-judging someone based on words of a reliable source. Nevertheless judging others is something I don’t care to partake in. As a result? I find myself propelled into a self-reality check fest>>

Found myself telling someone to hush in church this morning..The yapping was messing UP my vibe from the excellent homily and the Gospel flow from our singing..Then? Bam! Hit me, figuratively speaking, square in the forehead..I’ve yapped in church before, OMG, whose vibe did I screw with at those times? Does it mean one can’t correct others when they’ve been guilty of same in the near-past? Pfft! If that was the case as parents we could never correct our offspring..I think what it means is that I, like other folks, am so very, very HUMAN. Honestly? I don’t want it to be any other way..This learning from experience stuff is getting more FUN the older I get. I think the most wonderful part is now I catch MYself mid-stroke..And I’m still learning>>

The learnings of reality checking? For me? Invaluable & priceless..When I take the time to do it forces me to reflect on reality vs. My Reality..Many folks don’t realize those two things can differ at times..Often times we “think” we’re behaving in a certain manner & yet others perceive us acting otherwise. OR one can find themselves, as I recently did, partaking in something they/I don’t care to partake in. Like judging folks..How often I’ve heard folks say they don’t like this or that celebrity. Wth? Never even met that person..And yet I did the very same thing with my friends husband..Yep, shit happens when you’re human and I suppose even when you’re not honest about it! The good news? Every day brings promise of fresh starts in every possible way..Translation? It is never too late to do a quick reality check to get back on track. That is a wrap for now folks..So until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)

Posted in "Just for fun"

>Hurts SO Good…<

My Daddy made a comment this past Thursday & the impact of it hit me immediately…He said only twice in my life was he SO proud (& relieved! ) of me “making a potty” (Lolll don’t laugh that is the nicest way I can say it..) The first time was my first ever boo-boo when I came home from the hospital as an infant. Second time was this past Thursday when I finally! post-surgery had a bowel movement..I can’t quite EXPRESS how funky a feeling it is to not be able to crap for 5 days..On top of dealing with seering physical pain being constipated was the cherry on TOP..And with waves of gas(from air inserted inside me for surgery…) hitting me enough to wind me; my entire focus by Thursday was to have a bowel movement. I prayed to God/I begged the toilet-seat God/I did a potty hand-dance(can’t move the rest of me yet in quick fashion..) I downed glassafterglass of prune juice/I drank gallons of water/I walked laps inside my parent’s home/I downed stool softners at the prescribed intervals..And when it finally happened?!? OMG all was finally right with the World again. Yay! everything works again post-surgery…Now let the laughter return!!! But that was an entire different matter..>>

Anyone who knows me well knows I truly LOVE laughing..I have a very, very serious diligent side of me; and that part of my personality is “The Logical Analytical ” side of me..However, the majority of the time I can quickly burst into laughter from things people say. I also crack myself up sometimes! Lolll My preference is to be around folks who are funny or have a healthy sense of humor. My ideal “The One” could be a comedian; I’d be in my own little heaven! So imagine my shock when I finally laughed Thursday evening and it HURT like HELL..Or least that is what Hell must feel like. OMG It took hours for my body to get over that pain..>>

I could very well be the new poster child for laugh till your sides hurt..Because my sides ACHE and hurt for hours after laughing right now..Now? I find myself trying to hold/support my tummy when I can’t resist laughing..That is about as fruitless as trying to squeeze an elephant through the head of a needle..I just can’t NOT laugh when ..ish is funny. So I’ve just decided to let it hurt. And due to the situation it hurts SO good..Never thought I’d ever feel or say that; about anything. One thing I’ve learned at 50? Do not ever use the word never>>

I think many of us find ourselves in situations where we have HAD to laugh so as not to cry..I think many of us have resorted to humor & laughter to get through some really horrific stuff..Without laughter I think life would dull , boring and full of sad depressing moments..I don’t want to live a Life sans laughter..So even though it hurts like H E L L for now; I know it won’t be long before it no longer physically hurts..Did y’all know laughing is good for the soul & spirit? Laughter increases endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter is a fabulous form of stress relief & even works to stimulate circulation and aid in muscle relaxation…It has even been said that laughter can cause the body to produce its own painkillers..Whoa! that’s deep. And since I just ran out of my prescribed pain meds???! I just might dial UP one of my funny pals so they can make me LAUGH…Thats a wrap for now until I read/write y’all again..Stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only) I’m taking a POLL on laughter. Can U name a time it hurt you to laugh? (but you did it anyway..) Or has there been a time in your life that laughter stopped you from crying?

Posted in =Self Discovery=

HAPPINESS is a Direction..NOT a Place>>

I struggled to think of a happy topic to leave as my last blog prior to surgery..And then it hit me! I’ll blog on a topic I’ve come to LOVE. The pursuit of happiness..>>

**Happiness is a direction, not a place** Quote by Sydney J Harris

It is my belief that happiness IS relative..I believe it is based on what OUR expectation of happiness IS..Have you thought about what your definition of happiness IS? And IF not; how can you reach a state of being that you’ve not yet defined? Hmmmm..Well I’ve thought about what my utopic state would be in all aspects. I don’t base my happiness on other folks “appearance” of being happy either..I do NOT believe that money buys happiness nor does beauty..Lets take Halle Berry for example. Voted without a doubt as one of the world’s most beautiful women. And to boot she is rich…Yet, based on some of her actions/behavior not for ALL the tea in China would I trade shoes with Halle. Lest anyone forget she had a hit & run incident in which she left a person maimed! When she showed UP in court with a band-aid on her face, and the victim bandaged from head-to-toe in a wheelchair, I didn’t see view that as a person who was HAPPY. Not as defined by my happy meter. And IF they’d tested her alcohol level that night??? I’m sure that her day in court would’ve ended totally different..For the record? I think Halle is a beautiful woman. (even sans make-up she is beautiful) But in addition I’d like to add EVEN Halle can’t pull off wearing this outfit..Pregnant or not, beautiful or not; this is ONE ugly arse outfit!!! Gets a zero on my happy meter>>

Now there are some that would have us believe that HAPPINESS is a constant state of mind..I firmly believe that is a load of poppycock! Who on this earth is happy ALL the time? I’d like to see what that type of person looks like..So IF you’re out there please hold your hand UP; and post a picture. Please..I’ve lived a long time. 50 years and counting..Thank God for that every single day..Anyways I digress..Long as I’ve lived even the happiest folks I know ; have days they’re in a FUNK. I have come to feel it is a normal part of life..The trick IS snapping ourselves out of those funk-mood-type-of-moments/days. And guess what? WE have the power to do just that. I know because I do it. And IF I can do it, anyone can. It works if you work IT..Works the opposite way as well though..We can downspiral with our thoughts/moods in the same fashion. But when one learns themselves(which I feel is the key…) can change the motion of those negative thoughts when they begin. Some of us have things that can trigger those negative thoughts & by all costs WE must nip them in the bud..I’m an expert on such things for I’ve lived it; and learned to combat it. Happiness IS a direction & that direction can be a constant forward motion>>

Riddle me this..How can any of us truly know what happiness feels like; If we’ve not lived through the opposite feeling? Known as sad moments/events/experiences…Also known as rainy days. Many who truly know me know I simply HATE rainy days! I honestly do..Having lived on the Right Coast(Cali..West Coast still RULES..) for the better part of 20 yrs I’ve not seen a lot of rain. However , I did live through some really rainy blue down days there..On the flip side of that? In my new home on the Left Coast(Ahhh but I’m growing to love it here too..) I’ve seen a TON of rain outside..Yet, because of the frame of mind I’m in now? Even walking outside on the darkest of rainy days; I’m full of laughter/smiles/and JOY..Sometimes one can dance in the rain even when they HATE the rain..It is a force-learned habit..I just refuse to let the unhappy moments take over my life ever again. And IF I can do it; anyone can>>

When is the last time you thought about what it would take for you to BE happy? What is your utopia? And what are YOU doing to make it come about? Did you know that being happy IS a choice we can make? >>

I think most of us FIGHT to be happy..IN a world full of negative images/sound clips/boob tube flicks/unheavenly things going on from America to kingdom come; we’ve NO choice but to sink or swim..We can choose to sink down into the muck & mire OR fight/claw our way on and UPward to happiness. I feel happiness though differs for all of us. Some of us might be happy as a kid in a candy store living in an 800 square foot cute Lil apartment! While others might require a 5,000 square foot house for them to be happy..But I once met folks living on skid row in Los Angeles that were full of laughter & joy & SMILES. I’d not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes..It was a field trip my exMominLaw took me on that I’ll never forget. Taught me, humbled me!, that being happy doesn’t cost a dime. God gives us a chance at happiness every time he wakes us UP. Or so its my belief..My happiness is driven by simple things.* Being a LOVED child of God. LOVE in my life. Security. Peace in my home/Within my family/On my job. LOVE of my career. Strong Personal Relationships with my family & my extended family of friends. LOVE in my life that surrounds me & comforts me. & Peace of mind * Any/Everything else in my life is extra. Took me a long time to realize that. And I am happy. At long last..Well y’all that’s a wrap until post-surgery. I can say I’ll miss YOU all! Miss me while I’m away…Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & BLESSED. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Don’t 4get to show me some LOVE while I’m away!!! I won’t feel like writing but trust & believe I’ll be reading

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

^Just For ME?!? ^

..These thoughts & this write are inspired by something beautiful, VERY, that happened to happen in my world yesterday..I think the title I’ve given it is misleading, indeed. It won’t be about anything that immediately comes to mind when reading the title. Trust and believe that>>


IF what you’re about to read doesn’t leave you with a warm & fuzzy feeling; then you’re probably DEAD. Now that I’ve got your full attention this is what happened yesterday morning; on my way to church; and totally unanticipated>>

..yesterday. Early Sunday morning..I was driving to church feeling pretty good! Was due to sing a duet with my Mom..Our very first duet! I’d admittedly practiced at home over & over & OVER..I’m sure my neighbors were sick & tired of me practicing that song. So anyways, I was driving along and then stopped at a street light. As I was approaching I saw a very young guy standing on the median..Right beside my car when I stopped at the red light. He was in his early 20s. Instead of holding up a sign that said will work for money or food; he was selling newspapers.(I think its a deal the newspaper has with homeless & gives it to them to sell instead of pan-handling) Now anyone who knows me knows I can NOT hardly walk past anyone asking for money..I’ve always been this way since way backinthedays when I first saw pan-handlers in Cali. I’m not one of those people who “assumes” they are scammers. I think the exact opposite. What IF they’re really hungry? What IF the money I give them will provide the only meal they’ll eat today???? And so whatever cash I have on me; I give . I also feel awful when I don’t have much to give. Which was the case yesterday morning! I only had 1 (one) dollar in my wallet. One rumpled UP wrinkled dollar..Plus I didn’t have alot of time to waste; I was after all at a red light. Dilemma! Do I just give him the single dollar I had? Or turn my head & act as if I didn’t see him inches away from my window?>>

I’ve got to tell y’all that red light seemed as IF it was never ‘EVA going to change to green. Lawd! It seemed like I had forever & a day to sit there trying NOT to make eye contact with him..Having an internal fight whether it would be an insult to give him my 1 rumpled , wrinkled dollar..Can’t even buy bubble gum with that anymore(can you?); let alone a meal. I began to wish I had more to give him. All of the what ifs were running through my mind. What IF that were one of my sons??? What IF it were one of my loved ones? What IF it were ME? I didn’t know what his circumstances were..Didn’t matter! Thoughts upon thoughts running rampant through my mind..Like, there are too many people in our country that neeeeed basics..FOOD isn’t a want. Shelter isn’t a want. Being needed & loved! isn’t a want..Those are needs for me; as well as any other human that exists. I had to make a choice. That frigging forever red light was forcing me to make a decision..And I wished, wished, with all my heart I had more to give than just one funky little dollar. I turned my head. I looked him square in his eyes..My heart melted. My soul cried silently..I sat there wishing I could jump, leap! out my car and give him a big hug..But I feared the light would turn green.>>

..Time seemed to stand still for a minute; as I reached into my purse. Slowly pulled my wallet out & grasped my one rumpled, wrinkled funky little dollar. Seemed like nothing..It was hardly enough! BUT it was all I had to give..I pushed my window to let it roll down..He came closer & I reached out toward him with that one buck in my hand. He reached to hand me the newspaper. I said nothing; just shook my head no. He looked shocked. I was shocked at that..Surely I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t taken the newspaper in exchange? He reached towards my outreached hand ; and; our hands touched. WE connected. For a brief moment in time..Connection with a stranger. He spoke and I realized he was shy..He said, “Is this JUST for me?” Whoa, did he mean my one little crumpled up dollar? Or did he mean the shared moment in time? Did he mean because I hadn’t taken the newspaper? So he could sell it still…I told him I wished I had more to give him! I told him I wished him all the good things he deserved. I told him stay strong for he was a loved child of God. And I was going to say so much more & then! the light changed to green>>

I truly hate to come off sounding like a cliche. Nevertheless the moral of this very true happening is..I think its better to give what little we have; than to not give at all. For what seems like so very little to us; could indeed be monumental to another in need. What IF that one simple act was enough to motivate that young man? What IF it gave him a glimpse of hope in an otherwise grey day or situation? I’d like to think that’s the case. And if that is the case then my one little crumpled UP & wrinkled dollar was worth its weight in gold… What would you have done in the same situation?


Posted in FABulous 50 Bday anticipation..

the CountDown Begins..Farewell to my 40s

..When I woke UP this morning the 1st thought I had was..These are the last days I’ll be 40ish..I’m eager and oh so ready to experience my 50s. NEVER in this life journey did I, of all people, think I’d be capable of embracing my 50s. My story continues; and yep, we all have a story. A story behind all of our lives that makes us who we ARE. As I say good bye to my 40s? I realize how much GROWTH transpired over those 10 remarkable years. WOW, wow, and omg wow. Time really does fly when one is caught UP; living/learning/stumbling/leaping hurdles/crawling under stuff!/and making a way when NO ONE else saw a way around things..The past 2 years? Its moved at warp speed! Good thing after awesome happening upon mind-blowing positive miraculous experiences for me! Whoa, I’ve had to hold on to the imaginative handrail so I didn’t fall or slip..Its good. Life is so good when one opens their eyes & their heart and hands things/all things over to; God. There is no other way to express it. There is no logical explanation. But that is my reality. I stand. I stand. I stand. So the countdown begins to the day I make 50 years of age. I’m thankful , so thankful, for all I’ve lived/loved! so much loveeeee/learned/seen/heard; and last but not least I thank God for allowing me to give life to the most amazing sons a Mother could have. God gifted me with 3 awesome MEN who will love me forever..IF there is but one piece of unsolicited advice I can offer to young married women out there? Try hard to co-raise the same type of MEN you’d be proud to marry. Real talk for real..I could go on & on & on about that topic; but I won’t . Anyways farewell 40s! Goooood bye 40s . Waving bye bye to my forties..Feeling unexpected emotions! Until I read/write y’all again many thanks for reading me this past-not-even-a-year-yet-that-I’ve-been-blogging. I thank YOU and YOU for all that you’ve shared , WOW..y’all have made my blogging experience here on W.P. just beautiful. Very. Thank you sincerely. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

goodbye

goodbye

Posted in =Self Discovery=, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*The Long Way Home..*

longestwayhomeBased on the true story(& learned lessons)   which is my Life..>>What those that know me personally, that also read my blog(hugs,hugs! , & more hugs) are privy to is that at almost 50 yrs of age; I moved cross country to my parents home. I no longer live there though & have nothing but fond, loving memories from the life-altering experience.  What that same group of people knows is that …very shortly I’ll be drafting my very first book. A book I’ve planned on writing for the past-longer-than-I-care-to-mention-number-of-years..Haven’t yet dreamt of the title; it won’t actually be titled, The Long Way Home…and its foundation though based on life(specifically mine..) will be to serve as a guide for other young girls/women out there on their Life Journey..Not a self-help book; but a self-DO book. But anyways I digress for I was driving home yesterday & I got lost..Which led me to the idea of this post. For you see I’ve gotten quite used! to getting lost(with a GPS that I seem to keep on off mode) ; and I think its been the BEST way for me to never forget my way to wherever the heck I was headed in the first place..Heck of a run-on but I can’t break that line of thought UP..In short while some folks feel getting lost OR being lost is a bad thing; for me? It has brought me to where I needed to be; every single time. That might not make sense to y’all ; but it makes perfect sense to me..Question. Do you know what your center IS? Took  me almost 50 yrs but I know, and part of me always knew, what mine was/IS..Lets see if I can dig a little deeper & explain..>

^Your “Center”= I’m going to borrow this definition from Wiki..its FAR better than even I can write out. Afterwards I’ll move forward with this post; just want to first make sure y’all are up-to-speed .

**Within each person, there is a “center” where “you”, the essence of who you are and consider yourself to be, is located. It is not a physical place, rather it is where the certainty of your confidence is. When you are distressed, it is good to contemplate this “essence place” in order to reconnect with the calm certainty that is your self.

So “finding your center” means to understand within yourself that the distressing circumstance will pass, you will learn from it, and you will remain yourself. This is important when events make you crazy. When your world falls apart, the “center” of you reassures you that the event will pass, but you are still the same person you have always been.

In religion, this “center” is where you and your God connect. In some religions, this center can be called the soul..it is the “connecting place” between this physical plane and the Eternal. It is a place of calm, a place within you that can give great strength and resolve when you take the time to “return to your roots.” It is the place of refreshing and renewal.

So if you are in emotional distress, “find your center” reminds you that you are stronger than you realize and that you need to reconnect with your God and your essential being.** Moving right along…>>

What I’ve learned is the more in tune with Self I get..the less I give a dang!(and I mean that in the most respectful way..) of what other folks think about what I do/what I say/how I act. Who are they to say what it takes for ME to live UP to my God given potential? To be all the me I can? Its my belief when we let other folks “define” who we are; we become who they! want us to be..Think about that for a minute & let it sink in. I’ll take this line of thought one step further @ When I fully realized what my “center” was/is; the less insecure I became. And? I didn’t fully come to this realization until I came full circle and  went home almost 2 years ago.. I was lost (figuratively) until I found myself and my way home…>>

So, as I was saying when I first began this post..I got lost yesterday driving home. Returning from a bruncheon at adored friends house ..and! the funny thing is I’d just, and I mean just told them, oh nooo need to worry about me I know exactly how to get home. Plus, I told them I’ve got my GPS so if all else fails I’ll finally use it..I didn’t want them to worry. Anyways, I went skipping out to my car & bam! almost immediately took the wrong route. Went North on the freeway(they call them highways here; but I refuse! to give up all my Cali terms or way of life..) instead of South. And OMG I had to go for what seemed like forever for a turn-around spot..I’d known I was lost & headed the wrong way about 10,000 miles( exaggeration but it sure seemed like that far..)  before I could double back to go the right way..What heck kind of State doesn’t make a turn -around spot sooner than..as far as I’d driven? *slapping forehead* Yep, I’m still getting used to living outside of Cali..As I was driving along admiring all the green , lush(now thats ONE thing this place has over Southern dry brown Cali..) I realized how many times I’d gotten lost since moving here. Then my mind began to wander how many times I’d been lost , period, in my life journey…Times I just felt like-IF-this-or-that-I’d-be-a-little -bit-happier …times that I either still wanted something smaller or bigger..times I wanted either more or less of whatever…times I wanted my loved ones who love me dearly to love me a little bit; deeper..times , when all the world looking IN figured I was totally happy, that I just felt I neeeeeeded something “else” to be totally happy..Yet, I didn’t know quite what was missing. As my eldest son shared with me about 3  years ago; I needed to find my “center”. At the time? I didn’t even know what the heck that meant..>>

Ever feel like something is missing from your life? Feel like a gerbil running around & around & around a wheel; on a daytoday grind of routineness? Wonder what the purpose of life is? I read on a W.P. blog the other day someone said ” Contrary to what religious folks think! ; there is no purposeful meaning to our existence or life. ” WOW , reading this now blows my hair back. Why? Because there is nothing further from the truth..How sad for anyone to feel like that. Wouldn’t their life then be as boring as that gerbil running circular laps around his wheel? Until I found my way home that is how I felt..alot. My oasis in the middle of that jacked UP barren desert? My 3 beautiful Black princes. Not only did they add meaning to my life; without them life just wouldn’t be the same. True blessings from God..Also my beloved & loving parents. When God handed out parents; he gave me the BEST. My right-hand man & co-parenting partner. Actually divorced but I swear we get along better than some of the married folks I hear about..and the list goes on & on..I’ll save some keystrokes by saying my center IS..My family/Mi familia/My extended family of friends. Its them that I think of & smile! on days that I just feel I need a bright light to look forward to or I’ll explode. They are my center. Loving them & being loved by them ..and knowing that their love IS unconditional(that I never , ever have to doubt it..) keeps me grounded. Feeling loved IS the number 1 best feeling on this planet. For me. And yep, it even outranks the feeling of an orgasm. Barely..but still outranks it…>>

These days? I feel alot like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz..Everything seems SO new. Experiences. Projects. Friendships..For I look at things in a totally different manner. I believe its called , Appreciation. I no longer take things for granted. Not only that I’m quite verbal about letting the folks that I appreciate them; aware that I appreciate them. For far too many years I ASSumed folks knew how much I loved, adored, appreciated & even needed them in my life..and while actions speak volumes telling someone these things doesn’t hurt either. I feel a neeeed to express myself these days. In every/any form possible. I say all of this to say this. I am home. Not literally anymore because I’m in my own place now once again. Yep, I’m all grown UP now again. Lol, lol! But I am at home within myself. At long last & finally. And if its taking U a long way to get home? Don’t lose hope for you can get there..if you wish to. The first step will be the hardest step to take. Your feet may feel like they’re stuck in cement..but lift one after the other to step by step & day by day striving to get home. Striving to reach your Center. Striving to BE purposeful and to get the full meaning out of Life. Life might be short; but my days are long  & full..Hope yours are also. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)