I simply could NOT pass up re-blogging this write..This young man gets IT
From BOY to MAN
Living under the roof of a two parent house hold, you learn the value of love. Life as a boy for me was mostly all about learning how to become a man. It’s nothing like having a father figure to help you understand how to walk, talk, treat a lady and firmly shake hands as well as look another man in his eye as respect. Understanding at a young age how to honor God and follow his commandments on top of respecting morals brings an abundance of wisdom and discernment to escape peer pressure and scope out trouble from miles away. Having morals and following his commandments proactively helped me as a boy think with my brain and not with my man hood. If I would have thought with my man hood it could have created issues that could have followed me when I became a…
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Smile, Smile!, SMILE, and smile some more…Did y’all know that simply SMILING can make ONE feel better? Not just the people who see you smile; but also can make YOU feel better. Instantly…a smile , and WE, have that power to touch many; including ourselves! Wow, WOW, and yep, wow one ‘mo time.
Once had an Uncle who shared something with me that I didn’t, until, recent years truly appreciate. What did he say? He said at his workplace no one knew when he was feeling down & out…At the time he was truly going through it! too..Had a wife who “he’d” recently discovered was medicated for bi-polar condition. WHICH she’d not confided in him prior to marriage. Can you imagine?? Anyways, she at the time had STOPPED taking her meds. Just BAM; decided she no longer liked how the medication made her feeeeel. The consequences? She was having and acting out with violence. And they had 2 children! Now IF there was ever a time to go to work wearing a frown? That was IT! Yet my Uncle said he never did..Ever. As a supervisor of many at the time; he felt frowns could spread just as smiles do. And all these years later? I believe , in my heart of hearts, that is so true. >>
To top that story my exMominlaw(who I love dearly..) once told me that a smile can touch people almost as much as physically touching them with warmth. She said & felt! that smiles could heal a hurt or broken person. One day she took me on a ride down skid row in L.A..Basically so I could “see” how much I had & not to complain about anything. A valuable lesson! (by the way this didn’t truly impact me till years later..) When we left, after stopping in the car to talk to about a cazillion people there, she turned and asked me. “See how faces lit UP when I smiled at them? Faces of people whose homes were a cardboard box..But for a brief moment they smiled!!” WOW, wow!, and wowwwww Yes, I saw that happen with my very own eyes. Seeing really is believing sometimes..>>
Personally, at this phase of my life I’ve got a “glow” within that REFUSES to not flow outwards…Most days? I smile so much , and laugh/laughlaugh!, till my cheeks hurt at the end of the day. I kid you not. A coworker said that to me recently. Lol, lolll She said does your face ever hurt from how much you laugh during the day??? I said “You know what???” It does! But it hurts soooooo goooood. So on this day I woke UP wanting to share this message with y’all. Wouldn’t it make YOU feel wonderful to know you could impact someone TODAY in a positive way? Doesn’t cost a dime either. I’m of the belief that some of the best things in life are still FREE. So remember to smile, SMILE, and then smile one ‘mo time. Headed to get my praise ON. I hope each person who reads this has a beautiful day chocked full of SMILES, laughter and LOVE. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted and blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)
FOOTNOTE= This will mark the 1st time ever I’ve added to a post once I first penned it. But this is something I can’t resist sharing with y’all. Imagine sitting in Mass(church) 2 hours AFTER penning this piece; and hearing the EXACT same message almost verbatim as part of the Homily(sermon)? When the word SMILE was used the first time in context JUST as I’d used it this morning; I almost literally fell out of my seat. What are the ODDS that the sermon would use the same message about smiling? And IN the same context?!? Some out there reading this might consider it just coincidence…But for the ‘Believers’ out there reading this? When you Believe IN something you can’t see, feel or touch; coincidence isn’t in ones’ vocabulary much at all. What I KNOW for a fact without a shred of doubt? Every facet , and I mean every, of my Life at this phase is being drenched by the Holy Spirit. It scared me today for the 1st time! So much so I had to consult in private with one of my Spiritual advisors to admit that..I think that makes me human.
..I’ll be out-of-pocket this week..On purpose & with purpose..But I’d like to leave y’all with an AWEsome line of thought (and Btw I’m going to probably feeeen this week without blogging; my 1st! since I began..) It is honestly my sincere desire to always bring to the table either positive or insightful thoughts ; always laced with what is my reality. Yep, keeping it real is something I can’t help but B & do..So hang onto to your hat, caps, wigs & weaves ladies & gents! because it will be worth the wait..*COMING SOON as I go get my praise ON first..HAPPY FATHERS DAY to ALL who are Fathers & even those that have HAD to play the Father role!!!!!! Y’all ROCK *
>>My name is Bernadette & I am a BELIEVER. And? I’m going to stop wearing a lick of makeup to Mass!(church) Before I went to Mass this morning ; I had a mental picture of a “write” I wanted to leave here..Then I went to Mass & really felt-in-living-color the message I woke UP feeling. God’s got a blessing with MY name on it AND yours also! I’m going in deep head first. I thought I’d be DEAD by 50 years of age. And the internal PAIN I felt was so intense; I was ready to die back then..And? This is part 3 , the final piece of my testimony >>
Ever felt something, a feeling of discomfort, but couldn’t put your finger on IT? Couldn’t figure out exactly WHY you felt it? Couldn’t figure out how the hell to make it STOP? Couldn’t figure out why everyone else around you; always seemed SO much happier than you ? Ever felt not-quite-happy; ALOT? Have you ever felt like IF you told people you didn’t feel content; they’d scorn you for whining when , from the outside, looked like you had it ALL? Let that sink in for a minute…then add a major dose of intense, deep pain that you wanted to end so badly; you just figured ending your existence was the only solution? And NO one who knew you really knew your pain; so you tried to just-live-the-life-you-were-living-while-slowly-dying-on-the-INside. And I distinctly recall saying waybackthen “Something IS missing from my Life. Even though I had it very good, tons of people who love/loved me..something WAS missing..>>
…and yet? There WERE /are so many Angels God placed IN my Life Journey, over & over, but I just still kept trying to resist. I thought I was in control & I’d be danged! if I was going to let GO of that control. Plus because I wasn’t a full Believer when the bottom of the floor finally fell in; I didn’t know what to do for certain..next. But? I did know , with utmost certainty, something had to change. In a drastic manner..or I wouldn’t make it to my 50th birthday. I was tired. Very. Worn DOWN by an instance I’d long shoved under the rug; yet I’d not dealt with it. Gnawed at me for years & years & years in the background of my foreground; always! I couldn’t get away from it. I couldn’t run from it. I couldn’t make it go away. The more I wanted to forget; the more the anniversary seemed to roll around. How is it possible for an anniversary to suddenly be EVERY month? Then EVERY day? WtF & OMG..I called out for a God I didn’t truly believe IN. All I said was I’m so tired and I want to rest. I want just a moment of true PEACE. Just one moment God so I can catch my breath..I think I can make it after that; but I need that and I need it right NOW. And you know what?????? God answered ME. Know why? Because God hears my prayers…& he hears yours also. >>
I think a testimony isn’t anything; IF it isn’t shared! If we don’t share than the BEAUTY of God’s glory & his mercy isn’t spread…Who knows? A non-believer-who-wants-to-believe(like I used to B) MIGHT be reading this …and they(yep that infamous they again…) just might neeeeed to hear of a miracle happening. Because I for sure AM proof positive that miracles DO happen…Trust & believe when I say , by all rights, I was on the veryyyyyyy edge of non-existence. I just wanted to flip the switch OFF; forever. Thats how bad pain can hurt! unless we take care of Self when we’re hurt in God-awful ways. Band-aids just won’t do for a gaping wound….How many walking wounded are walking amongst us? ALL they might need is a kind word from us. Or a smile. Or to HEAR that God hears even a sinner’s prayers..As he did mine. Sometimes I think folks forget WE were all born sinners. I’ve yet to meet a perfect person; yet, we all try to pretend we’re perfect. As IF this lifetime isn’t full of making mistakes, dusting off knees and moving on with a lesson learned. That IS what its about , right? Least thats the way I see IT. But I admit to being; different. And I’m loving IT! At long last… >>
..I claimed 2013 as my year before 2013 even arrived..I had “faith” that it would be MY year. I’ve been in forward motion; moving in the direction, forward!, that my God is leading me in. I let GO of the reins..I can’t lie from time to time its scary it this way! Until I sit still for a minute & I realize that this trek with God leading the way?! WOW , wowwwwww I can’t even write about all of the positive, progressive things that have come-to-B this past 2.5 years…I’ll lose the rest of the makeUP on my face(that I didn’t lose at church already) I’m feeling such a strong urge to write these words down …BEFORE..I think about it & the fact that I just stood totally NAKED in front of the entire world. Its out of my control…I say to anyone out there hurting right this minute..Let GO & let GOD. And I mean that with every ounce of my being..God cares less whether you’ve been to church lately. God cares NOT what brand clothes you wear. God cares notttt how expensive your house is; OR if you’ve got a house or a pot to piss IN. Real talk for real…God is waiting for YOU right now to call on HIM. Thats all any of us have to do…God is the ONLY Being who can/will/does! forgive instantly when we ask. WOW. And God can also take the deep, deep hurt away; poof! just gone. Then? He can start one on a path 2 being BRAND NEW. But first? Just trust in HIM & hand over the reins..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & ONLY)
WE are highly visual people. Think about how many ways you’re stimulated or motivated by visual stimuli. And usually the prettier the better to grab your attention…Even when we hear a story in our minds we attach a image to it; that is our own imagination at work….>>
In that same regard , or I feel it should be considered as such, don’t pretty words rule over ugly words/phrases? I’ve come to feel & recognize they do..in monumental proportions. Digging deeper because this topic really matters to me. Ready? Hold onto your hats,caps, wigs & weaves because here I go..>>
I’ve been known to say, & I mean it!..that one can hurt me more with funky words; than slapping me. NOT that I’ve ever been hit or slapped; but IF someone amps UP yelling foul words it scares me . Instantly has my entire body on alert. I’ve got rabbit in me! I’ll run without looking back to ask “Why in the heck are we running??!” Which goes to say if someone starts going off with nasty, foul words on a consistent basis? I leave skid marks; poof! & won’t see ya later! I’m just saying…>
I say all of this to say, yep, I’m getting there…Think of the impact your words can have on a person. Let me take that one step further; think of how our words can impact a child. Ever wonder how someone feels when someone calls them ugly? How about all the retarded people who call people fat to their face? I recently heard a person who has a beautiful face! & personality down herself because she’s overweight…my entire being cringed to hear that she felt that way. Still amazes me how we can visually perceive ourselves; so differently than others see us. >>
I’m known also for saying mean what you say, & say what you mean…I just don’t “get” sarcasm. Honestly..it goes right over my head! Know why? Because it doesn’t make ANY sense to me; and I think in terms of logic most times. (though I’m trying to ease up on that..constant work in progress I am) But why not just say what is in one’s heart & mind?? The way I look at it; sarcasm is just a way to say something shiiiitty ; with a smile on one’s face. And then & added oh! I was just kidding..Pfft, I think not. What I think about people who say unnecessary shiiiiitty things? I think words can hurt people very much with no good reason. I think people who say shiiiitty things to others; feel like crap on the inside….I think children are encouraged more & built UP with pretty words /images/environments. IF enough ugly words are said to a child; said child can begin to believe that those words are TRUE. And when we have the power to say pretty words; why waste time or breath with purposely saying ugly ones? There IS a time & place to say funky things & it is not the majority of the time..However IF one finds that they feel the opposite is their truth? Mayhaps you need to re-evaluate how you’re living/BEing….Least thats the way I see it in my world…>>
The more cognizant I become over the power of words(verbally & written); I find myself saying & feeling! more positive..Never forget to also say(& think) good, pretty words about oneself matters. Greatly. Matter of fact that is where it all begins..Within Self. If a person feels ugly on the inside; they’re bound to let ugly words flow off their tongue to others. So on this day let our focus be on saying pretty words to others..And mean the words . The impact on those people will be beautiful. Painting a pretty picture , right? Good. PRETTY rules over UGLY..Stay UPlifted & blessed till I read/write y’all again. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
**Background & credits**..So the other night I was reading a fellow blogger’s blog site(he’s an Ordained Minister/Life Coach/Business Coach, etc..)..He’s on my fave WordPress reading list @Johnnywalkerco.wordpress.com..And as he was explaining what a Life/Business Coach IS; he asked 2 questions..^1. Looking back a year AGO, are you better off in the following areas? *Professionally. *Financially*Spiritually*Relationally*Physically^2. And if you answered NO to any, would you like to be better off a year from now?..Well I instantly considered each & every area personally & my answers surprised me>
Oddly enough I hadn’t STOPPED long enough this past year; to even ponder over that question..But, without a doubt & with utmost honesty, my answer is YES..I am better off in every one of those areas. Going to save myself some finger strokes & ya’ll some reading time; you’ll have to trust me on this one. (although I could explain INdepth how my life has improved in all of those areas) The bigger question though IS; has YOURS? And if not; do you want it to? Next question..what are YOU waiting for? Lets rap..>
Mayhaps I’ve got an unfair advantage here..I’ve had some extreme motivating factors to improve on every, single facet of my life this past year..Numero Uno reason? I’m on the precipice of turning 50 years old(its so close I can reach out & touch IT) and I am determined! to be as much of the ALL I can BE by 50 yrs of age. Its highly personal..half a century old I figure is long enough to have reached a certain point. My second reason? I moved cross country & left alot behind to reach my UTOPIA. My forever happily ever after..Pretty much since my feet hit East Coast ground; I’ve been on the move. Not letting any grass grow under my feet(but I did plant my Daddy a lovely garden lol! ) to build UP ..Me. Haven’t ya’ll discovered we often need motivating factors to push us to do the max? Whether its a promotion we’re striving for. Whether its a significant other’s heart we’re trying to win over. Whether its a sport we’re trying to get a trophy competing for. Whether its an A in an academic subject we find challenging. The list goes on & on…So again, the question IS ‘Looking back a year AGO, are YOU better off in the aforementioned areas? And if NOT, what are you prepared to do to improve in those areas? >
I’ve become a firm believer that there is NO time like the present..My worst fear? To not become all I can BE..I personally know I’m not at my max; yet. I’m close, lol. But I’ve still got a couple more balls I think I can add to my juggling act..Are you doing all that YOU could be doing to reach your God given life purpose? Or perhaps one needs to ask themselves ‘What purpose am I serving? or want to serve? If you’re not UP to your own standard of what that is; then its time to work on improving those areas. Brick by brick it can be done..the first step is the hardest. But I can personally promise ya’ll it gets easier & you get a forward momentum! Or least thats the way I see IT. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
iJust think of how very different communication would be if..Leonard Kleinrock hadn’t wished something wild & NEW? A novel idea that NO one before him put down on paper. Folks probably thought he was crazy to even think of it. Folks probably told him it couldn’t be done in a million years! And yet look at how the Internet has grown from 1961 to 2013..It all began with a wish in the head of Kleinrock. A wish that has changed the entire WORLD. It began when he penned ‘Information Flow in Communication Nets’ in 1961..Even I’d not yet been born! But from the wish of Kleinrock that is when the Internet was born. WOW. Aren’t you glad he dared to wish & dream? >
What IF Alexander Graham Bell hadn’t dreamed? I’m more than sure folks that he had LOST his mind ; when he first introduced his idea. Think of how very different our lives would be without our cell phones?!? OMG I feel naked if I even think of walking out the front door without mine..Most days if I know where nothing else IS; I know where my cell phone is. Far more that I, we, do on cell phones than just talk. But aren’t we all thankful Bell acted on his dream? What IF he had let his doubts overshadow his vision? (or all of the naysayers doubts) When I think of such things from that perspective..it makes me THINK & reflect on wishes/ideas/dreams that I have>
To be driven & motivated to do anything..isn’t always easy. Some of us just thrive on creativity! Even something as simple as creating a blog site/with one’s own ideas; and to keep it going isn’t always as SIMPLE as it looks. But I’m in a phase of life that I strongly believe; nothing is impossible. If we can dream IT; it can be done. Wishes DO come true..There are things that can be accomplished withOUT a set of directions to do so. Folks that are afraid of failure; are human. Those that dare to push past those fears become..innovators.>
Many that have accomplished giving life to their dreams; failed many times before it came to fruition! One only has to google up such folks as Disney, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, even Karl Benz..the list goes on & on. But one of the beautiful things in this life; is the chance for 2nd chances. The opportunities to live one’s dreams these days is limitless..but one first has to believe in their own capabilities. WE only get one shot at this life..Live IT. Wish IT. Dream IT. Do IT.>
I wrote on this topic a couple years back on a site that I was a group moderator..Time to pull it off the shelf and give it new life..I’ve got more friends than I can count on my fingers & toes(several times..) ; so this won’t be about NOT having friends. Quite the opposite -N- more than likely not what you expect…
Background: I’ve never been the type of person to dislike someone; based on another’s lack of a recommendation of someone. I’m a hands-on being in most everything I do or am involved IN. Meaning simply I learn & experience by doing things/experiencing myself…It is my way. I don’t believe in ASSociating folks with who they associate with either. Personally, I’ve lived such a colorful life; and I know we can have an array of friends with different /unique personalities and lifestyles. I’ve been known to say my friends can have other friends; and I’m SO cool with that! Never have I been one, not even back in grade school when others were tripping on such things..to feel envy cause a friend spent time with other..friends. Now that I’ve laid that background down; allow me to dig a bit deeper>
“In the FIRST half of life WE are pre-occupied with establishing our identity-climbing/achieving/performing. BUT those concerns will not serve us as we grow older and begin to embark on a further journey..One that involves challenges, mistakes , broader horizons, and necessary suffering that actually SHOCKS us out of our prior comfort zone. Eventually we need to SEE ourselves in a different and more life-GIVING way. This message of “falling down”..is in fact moving UPward..is the most RESISTED and counterintuitive of messages in the world’s religions, including and most especially Christianity”> I hope anyone reading this lets those words sink in for a minute..This direct quote comes from a book I read a while back called ,”Falling Upward” by Richard Rohr. Prior to even reading the book I’d adopted this mode of thinking. I believe in and am living this out loud..a very good friend , that I highly respect, recommended I read the book. How did she know I’d benefit from reading the book? Did she know this was the phase of life I was in? How do people we “connect” with really SEE us? Do our friends view us as we ARE? Do they hear what we are saying , even when we do not say a WORD?
I’ve always had a lot of friends..There are NOT many people I encounter that I can’t find some “commonallity ” with. I can walk into a ROOM of strangers; and within minutes be totally engaged in a conversation. It is my way..folks just seem to be comfy talking to me. A friend of mine once said it is as IF you’ve got a sign on your forehead that says”Talk to ME” Whether I’m in a grocery store, pumping gas, video store(they used to exist..), the movies, the park, work , church, the Mall..I love, really dig! PEOPLE. I adore the many different things about us; that link us together. And yet, I realize that most of the time people only SHOW you a small fraction of who they are! My question that just begs to be asked is..WHY? Fear mayhaps of not being accepted? Not being interesting enough? Could that possibly be why in a social setting folks drink to engage? Ever heard the saying “She/He is the life of the party”? I am comfy being that in my OWN skin. Totally 100% sober..ALL the time. I recently told someone, this is ME..I won’t apologize for who I am. Nor will I CHANGE who I am to conform to what you want me to be…I think often times people want to BELONG so badly; they try to change themselves to fit IN..Shouldn’t it be the opposite though ? IF we are meant to fit; shouldn’t it be that we’ve revealed(to the max of our abilities) who we truly are? Otherwise when the real us or YOU does slip out(and this always happens..) ; there is a sense of disappointment or the connection will fall apart…
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AFRAID OF SAYING WHAT THEY REALLY FEEL? AFRAID OF HURTING PEOPLE’S FEELINGS..WHEN , HONESTLY, I FIND IT QUITE FAKE! TO LIE TO SOMEONE JUST TO NOT HURT THEM…That is the phase of life I’m in and quite UNapologetically. I will not fake who I am nor what I want to say; to make anyone feel better about themselves. Why should we? Nor do I think anyone else should…I’m not saying purposely hurt people’s feelings..That simply isn’t in my heart to do that. What I’m saying is being anything other than TRUE to one’s self; is FAKE. And I don’t have time for fakeness, B.S.!, or drama. I make that very clear from jump street. I don’t bring it nor do I accept it. And those that I call friends know this ; and they’re REAL also. Like -minded folks hang together & are drawn 2gether..like birds of a feather>
Real Talk..Until recently I’d not met but 1 person in my life; that I just couldn’t find much common ground with. Now I’ve met TWO..in almost 50 yrs of age..and thats saying alot…(only 2!) And there aren’t many people , even folks who just don’t smile alot(which i DO ), that I just don’t care to be AROUND..But this recently happened to me & though it hurt me to step off from them(because I’m a Christian) ; it got to a point that my spirit! felt awful in their company. And I listen to my inner-being, my spirit, more than I listen to any living soul on this planet. Never has my spirit led me wrong, EVER, ..if one can’t be true to themselves..they can fall for anything. Having said all of that “the experience” of having met this person taught me a valuable lesson..WE have to know when to let go of things including people in our lives. It isn’t an easy thing to do sometimes; but it IS essential . Or that is the way I see IT>
When I call someone a friend…That is more than a saying to me. I think the term “friend” is used loosely these days. Friend a person on FB…as IF one can read a person without seeing them. I’m an intuitive person by nature; I feel a person NOT just by “what” they say; but their body language also. My belief is say what you mean & mean what you say. It is what I practice and I don’t accept anything less from those I share time & space with. Actually, truthfully!, IF I feel a person’s actions aren’t in line with what they SAY, they’d not be someone I call friend. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll..as it does to me. With true friends we’re never alone in ANY situation. Real talk for real. But also it takes BEing a friend; to have friends. Its a 2 way street. In my heart of hearts every stranger I encounter; could be a potential new friend! That is how easy I’ve had it with getting to know people…and I love IT. I’m a people-loving social butterfly. IF we were meant to survive alone, exist alone!, we’d have been created on islands by ourselves. Or so I believe. Less time is wasted though if we just have the courage; to be who we ARE. Not just a fraction of a person…Don’t sell yourself short. A VERY good friend of mine(My Cali Black Prince) taught me that..The reason why? How do we know the part of US we aren’t revealing; is what another person needs to connect with? >
Every day is a brand NEW start..I leap! literally (gives me a head-rush sometimes but I do…) out of bed feeling that. New people to meet! New people to talk & connect with! New things to learn! New parts of our life experience to share..Life is enriched by our loved ones, our FRIENDS, and our significant others. Make it a beautiful day. I know I will. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Hello, loyal reader. Before I begin this list, I’d like to state the fact that it is possible to like one thing without disliking the other and I am fully capable of this feat. Therefore, my reasons for preferring Black women in no way automatically means I dislike women of other races.
The following is only five of MANY reasons why I (Nova Giovanni) prefer to date Black women. I’m sure there are a lot of men who share the very same sentiments:
1. A Black Woman Can Relate to “The Black Experience: As a Black man, there are certain things we experience that other races don’t. Even our thinking is different, and a Black woman can relate to it. If I’m driving and a police car is behind me, I get nervous. A Black woman won’t ask a seemingly (to me) dumb question like, “why do the…
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I know what it is like being single and my heart and prayers go out to those of you who are waiting patiently for God to bring that special person in your life. The important thing is to have your heart in the right place while you are waiting. It is easy to get discouraged, find yourself lonely and even very depressed when you long to have someone to share your life with. My hope is to encourage you. First of all you don’t have to be lonely, there are many single groups you can connect with. However you choose to connect it is important to know that God desires to have a deep intimate relationship with you. The Bible says seek first the kingdom of heaven and everything else will be added unto you. I believe this apply s to everything we desire. God wants to build a deep…
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The following includes descriptions, photos, and video that may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.
Please be advised.
Someone asked me today, “What is ‘rape culture’ anyway? I’m tired of hearing about it.”
Yeah, I hear ya. I’m tired of talking about it. But I’m going to keep talking about it because people like you keep asking that question.
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, no one says, “Stop.”
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, they can’t get anyone to come forward.
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and adults are informed of it, but no consequences are doled out because the boys “said nothing happened.”
Rape culture is when a group…
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Bloggers, Blogging appreciation, Blogging my fanny off.., Fellow bloggers appreciation, Inspire, Life, Love, Poetry, Reading, What motivates a writer, WordPress, Writing, Writing from lifes experiences
>Taking a break 2night from my normal blog a day adventure 2 give thanks & appreciation to my fellow bloggers…Never in a cazillion years could I have anticipated the many likes/blogging love/warm reception I’ve been shown in my brief time here as a blogger & comments /comment responses when I’ve interacted on your blog sites. This blogger appreciation *award* and post is dedicated in your honor..>YOU ROCK/OMG ya’ll have been fabulous!/& sincere thank you’s for the love & support
>>>> FOOTNOTE= 4 anyone out there that thinks blogging IS easy, it is NOT. It takes a certain personality , concerted effort, time invested, somewhat steady focus, confidence! & in my case a sincere desire to want to reach out 2 others..Plus loving to write helps a great deal. I can’t resist the itch 2 write..Inofitself its a form of self-therapy for me. Many times when I’m blogging I’m writing to myself almost as much as to ya’ll..I think it, free flow it, and when I write it I’m feeling it..when I read it it sinks totally IN. Even with the colorful, confident, vibrant, in-your-face-I’m-here! type of personality I’ve got it still takes MUCH confidence 2 feeeeel what I’ve got to share is special enough to share with the entire WORLD. And what most don’t know? I learned of this website while helping a friend while she constructed a blog site here for our church. Yep! as I was learning this site@ WordPress while blogging 4 our church Faith site..I fell in love with the site and decided to do what I’d long wanted to do. Start my own blog site=which I had to 1st quickly learn how to navigate this site and build my own page. WOW. As I’ve traveled and browsed the blog sites here I’m WOWed so often by my fellow bloggers that in a quick minute? My list of fave blogs 2 read might as well just say ALL. Ya’ll continue to keep ME inspired, ya’ll teach me so much with your outstanding writing skills!, ya’ll continue to touch my HEART with your depth. In my heart of hearts I know I wasn’t led here by accident and thus wanted U all to know I appreciate each & every one of U ; you’ve made my experience here more than worthwhile. And? Until I write/read ya’ll later 2night stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only..)
Just today someone whose met my parents..told me how lucky I was to have such awesome, loving parents AND that they were both still alive & well. The person who said that lost her father at a very, very young age..She said it so softly ; I had to lean forward to hear her. It made me pause to reflect hours later. Here are a few of my thoughts on a topic, which I feel, is highly important these days..Hang onto your hats & wigs this road might get a little bumpy>
In a perfect world, or as perfect as things can BE..and when folks let nature do what it does naturally; it takes TWO to make a baby. Takes two to bring into the world another perfect creation..in my minds eye’s this process(the 9 months in which it takes baby to flourish in the womb) is THE most beautiful event on this earth. I’m sure anyone out there that has or is experiencing it..can relate. I fell in love with each of my 3 sons long before their kicks pummeled my tummy. Once I saw them as they came splashing into the world, shiny like a brand new penny, I was hooked for LIFE..
There was a time backintheday, before I was as evolved as I am now, that I felt I was the “perfect” parent to do most of all for my son…I had a stint as a single mother for a bit; and I’d gotten used to doing it ALL. Once I became married and part of a beautiful love union; I didn’t quite know how to let go of the reins of one-parent-parenting. I can be honest about it now that I’ve realized it. At the time I just thought I was “right”. At the time I didn’t realize that my “parental micro-managing” was cutting my husband out of the parenting process..or least a part of it. An important part of it. How fortunate & blessed I am/was; that he was strong enough and loved me & our sons enough to SHOW me(not even did he tell me..) that I was “wrong”>
When I began to observe how our sons NEEDED their Dad’s nuturing/guidance/words of discipline; was when I finally began to let go of the reins I’d held on one-parent parenting. Honestly, I can’t recall exactly when that was..my best guess is about 1/3 of the way of our middle sons’ life. (which at that point our youngest son was still a toddler; and coincidentally when we divorced) I think what made that a pivotal life-changing decision for me; was when I noticed how much our sons missed their Dad living in the house with us. Love for my sons forced me to face reality. They needed him to be very present in their lives; even if I didn’t want him to be present in my heart. Which by the way it was/and has been impossible to erase him from my heart anyway…>
Thankfully because of this great ephiphany! I had; our sons never had to go through the tug-of-war that some children of divorce have to endure..I wanted him to spend time with them! Early on during our 2 yr divorce proceedings and process; I discovered I not only did NOT want to raise our sons alone..it just was NOT fair to our sons for me to have to. So, I encouraged their Dad to come pick them UP to visit. IF it looked like he was going to change plans or dates to pick them UP; I called him and convinced him it wasn’t fair to them. They missed him and they needed him; COME get them and fulfill your parental duty & responsibility. Exclamation point. Period. I think sometimes folks can get caught UP, for a brief minute, in this life journey..and we can forget the things that matter most to us. Since then? He has thanked me for staying firm during that time frame..he loves his sons immensely. I think both of us were a bit lost without each other during that timeframe..Mothers, however, have no choice but to be mothers 24/7 365 days a year from the birth of the child until death. And my belief? Fathers should have NO choice but to do the same. It takes 2 to make them AND it rightfully takes 2 to co-raise them properly. Anything less is a great dis-service to the child..>
I think also because I’d always had 2 loving parents in my life time; it was quite easy to want the same for my/our sons..My now ex-husband hadn’t had that; for his own Father died when he was quite young. Having said that however..he is one of the BEST Fathers/Daddies/Pops!/Papa’s..that I know. Matter of fact I’d go as far as saying he ranks number 2; number 1 of course is my own Daddy. I can’t imagine my life without my Daddy in it; not in the yesteryears nor now. It is my belief that God created 2 parents for a reason..1 of each gender. But what I’ve also learned is that both genders can nuture. I used to think that was only something that Mom’s could DO. That just isn’t the case..WE do it well and we do it quite naturally due to the instant bonding that takes place while the baby is growing in our womb. I’ve never felt anything more natural than being & becoming a Mother. It IS in my opinion the single most important JOB on this planet. It should rightfully always be..or least that is the way I see IT>
*It takes a while village to raise a child* ..Origin is from Igbo & Yoruba(Nigeria) proverb. Translation =it takes a communal effort to raise a child. > If there is even a tiny shred of proof that this is true(which it is my belief it is…) than at the least don’t children DESERVE to be co-raised by both parents? Whether parents divorce or never marry; the job still remains to raise children once they’re born. Somehow these days that just doesn’t appear to be happening consistently. Often times I feel perhaps folks should have to obtain a license to have children…I could really go off on a tangent with that thought process; but I won’t. Thats another topic for another time. There are many books on child-rearing from an array of viewpoints; yet, matters not if the arrangement of parenting isn’t agreed upon from the onset. And then kept during the duration…No one ever said a child’s upbringing would be an easy task. Matter of fact it is probably the most difficult job we hold in life. There are no trial runs either. Once the baby is born the clock starts & doesn’t stop ticking until…death. Unfortunately, for children, they can’t request from their parents to do right by them. To give them a fighting chance in life by raising them properly..Society suffers when it isn’t even attempted. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t make a person a parent. Putting one’s own needs aside & loving them enough to parent them does..and that takes at the least the 2 that brought them into the world. >Until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
~Sharing the thoughts of the 1 & only , List of X~
Today’s guest post is brought to you by the letter X better known as the List of X. To read more about guest posts, see step 6.
I have been reading WordPress blogs for months now, and I have noticed that certain types of blog posts are more common than others. So I thought I’d aggregate these most common blog posts into just one short post for your enjoyment. Alternatively, you can use this post as your blogging guide which will save your valuable time by providing you with the pre-written template blog posts that you can simply copy and paste into your blog.
1) Hello, World! This blog will be a platform for my thoughts about me, myself, my thoughts about myself, and occasionally about _____, _____, what I think about this, and Kim Kardashian. I will write as often as I can, since I usually think…
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For anyone out there that lives in a spot, where fireflies exist, I wish I could see them! I recall backintheday loving the way their light lit UP the night ..My bro and I fondly called them what they were@lightening bugs.(well we were little at the time & thought everyone called them that) I think as people , like moths, many of us are drawn to the light..This is true without many even knowing it; we’re drawn to light just as day’light’ affects our moods & energy levels. (affects our chronobiological system) Now that I’m living “an intentional life”; and not just letting life happen 2 me..such things interest me far more than ever before. And learning more about it has impacted my life in immeasurable positive ways, countless, and the number is still climbing…
I’m of the belief we can speak(or think) things in or out of existence…I said this to someone recently; and being the wonderfully inquisitive person she is she asked me” Do you really believe that?!? ” My answer was/is yep, I sure do! Why? Because the mind is a trip…literally. WE can convince our selves of things no one else can! For instance, have you ever walked into an interview knowing/feeling/exhibiting like YOU are the best candidate for that position?? I don’t give a dang if there are a cazillion other candidates that applied for that ONE job..you just know & feel deep down in your bones/spirit/mind that YOU were created to do that job the BEST? Well, IF you walked in thinking the opposite; just think how that would impact your attitude thus affecting how you interview. In a negative manner…
For the record my disclaimer & my truth I live IS..I believe every single word my fingertips stroke here. I don’t paint a picture this vividly that I can’t see. My paintbrush is enormous! And I am living my life in bold, bright(yep I love bright colors) fabulous colors..Just yesterday I got a double-dose of bad news..News that were I the person I usedtoB could’ve/would’ve floored me. But I’ve learned, yearn to learn more, and am learning..myself and to live an intentional life. WE all have choices in this life. With concerted effort we can overcome and ride through ANY storm. I’m relentless now and majority of days my inner light flows out effortlessly..There is a song I don’t have time to dig up for ya’ll right now; thats called “I’m gonna let my little light shine” (or something close to that..) And I believe we all have the power within US; to do just that. Can’t we be the light we want to see in the world? I think we can and I think it will make the world a much better place..if we do just that. So today , and even on days (like this day is for me…) ; when you just don’t feel like you can muster UP the strength to let your little light shine..let it shine anyway. Know why? Because someone out there that usually shines so effortlessly, like lil ole me, might just need to vibe off the warmth of your light..So just bring IT. Time to prepare for church so until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to know all the answers..to anything. But what I do speak on I’ve lived. Through trial & error; and this theory is what works for me. In every aspect of my life it is working; only exception is my last love relationship. Which honestly I’ve not applied the time it deserves..but the right time for that is coming. Soon. Very soon. Anyways I say all of that to say I practice what I preach. Moving right along>
Keep it moving means exactly what it implies. Stay busy reaching/striving for your goals/dreams! This is a conscious “choice” we can make. And it is necessary; if one wants to make sound, progressive choices instead of excuses. Ever met a person that just goes on and on about would’ve , should’ve , could’ve? They’re probably also a couch potato ..as IF that will help them do some of those things they wish they could’ve done. Staying busy , productive, and progressive keeps my mind clear of unnecessary clutter and B.S.! I simply don’t have time for it..and the rest of the time I’m sleep. But still working on getting more of that. But anyways moving right along>
Kis..yep, almost just as good as kiss! Keep it simple..Choose what you want to do. List the things it will take to get the job done. And one by one knock down the things on that list..before you know it..mission accomplished! Keeping it simple allows one to NOT get distracted(or delayed) by unnecessary complications. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” Quote by Albert Einstein
I used to live by chance..Trying to do everything in a perfect manner. Wound up feeling disappointed in myself alot because..a state of perfection doesn’t exist! When I chose to grab life and my goals..by the cajones and just do IT..I’ve been a cazillion times more effective in achieving what I set out to do. And a heck of alot happier/comfy in my own skin/content 100% with my choices/decisions. Sometimes you just have to step out on FAITH. Been there and doing it. Alot. It is never an easy walk; but waiting for others to decide my fate left me feeling unfulfilled. NO one person , nobody, can make the best choices for an adult that will leave that person feeling wonderful. But making a choice that is right for me(you); regardless of whether it fails or not..has been awesome for my soul and self-esteem. When the choice, my choice, works!..I feel like I’m walking on air/gives me more confidence to make more choices & decisions/and motivates me to strive higher. The impossible truly is possible..ya’ll will just have to trust me on that one. Or try it for yourselves.
IF there is something about your life you’re not content with; work to change IT. We all know the type of folks who whine about this or that..yet do nothing to change it. That is their choice..however for those that truly want to make a change..just DO it. 17 months ago I took a leap of faith(for the 1st time in my life journey) and I’ve never looked back…Change? It is possible if you want it badly enough. Even at almost 50 yrs of age.
Last but not least most of us have a very, very strong relationship with our “inner voice”. That “gut” feeling. I call mine my “vibe radar”..when I feel good vibes from a person or an environment..99.9% of the time it is spot on. Same for the vibes I get when I’m making a decision or choice. Its called intuition. With most women it is strong; problem is we don’t listen to it half as much as we should. Until we get older/wiser/stronger/BETTER..or maybe that is just how its worked out for me. Word of advice? Learn yourself. Learn what you’re skilled at. Learn what you do BEST. Strive to figure out your GOD given talents. We ALL have them; just some of ya’ll don’t use them or don’t know what yours are. Learn your flaws and your faults. Admit them and work on improving them. Daily..Learn your weaknesses. Try to either stay “away” from them or get stronger so they won’t be a weakness. Its my belief the more one learns themselves; the more one’s inner voice can be heard and felt. Real talk. It works if you work it. Least that is the way I see IT…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one & only)
I am so high on life..
Deliciously and naturally smashed
*My old way of thinking/feeling/BEing?*
Somewhere far away backintheday…
I’m reaching higher and higher
Called my own cease fire
From my old worst opposition
In a forever state of remission
The she that used to be me..
I am so high on life!
Stressing less & less
Didn’t get here on my own
Even though I’m quite grown
Finally ! learned I’d never walked alone..
But no more talk of days gone by & yester-years
Long forgotten past haunts ,pursuits and fears
Manipulating A,B,Cs with my pen to the max
Vibing floetically my mental is set on: relax
Sashaying thru life while to myself staying true
Free at last! to do what only I can do as I do
I am so high on life that I can kiss the sky
Any higher I might just think I really can fly
Laughing out loud so much from the inside out
No longer restrained and free of self doubt
Wrapped UP in my uniqueness & originality rules
Bringing it back till its once again “in” ; even cool
My eyes lifted up to the heavens so thankful my God is patient
HE walked beside me all the while and long before I believed..
I’ve left behind all the things I thought I knew and perceived
High on life
~”We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~ Quote by Ray Bradbury
La bella vita is an Italian phrase that simply means= A beautiful life. I made a vow to myself a few years back to do all things possible to promote beautiful moments & experiences in my life. I figure I can connect all of the beautiful moments/experiences(like connecting the dots..) together piece by piece to equal a beautiful life. I surround myself with beautiful people whose beauty comes from deep within..I’ve drastically limited the amount of stress I allow myself to endure. I laugh N laugh from the inside out N smile so hard somedays my cheeks hurt by days end! I surround myself with lovely , bright colors and I adore lush green plants for plants signify”growth in life”. I made a promise to myself to visit places I find beautiful..like the beach at dusk. The picture above is a beach near here in Clearwater; in the very near future I’ll be standing on that beach to watch nightfall come..I bounce out of bed at O dark thirty every morning eager to watch the sunrise on another day; a new beginning! The quiet, hush while all is still dark yet with the promise of a new day peaking; is so serene to me. It is at that time I feel the closest to my GOD. Beauty personified indeed! There are SO many ugly, funky things happening in the world that we can not change..That we don’t understand or can’t grasp our mind around why they occur..For a brief moment I wanted to share how I embrace and rein beauty into my life. I refuse to get sucked into the filthy muck of this life..Think about things you can do to welcome beautiful moments/experiences into your life. Before you know it the dim of the funky and ugliness going on in the world; will be so faint that it can’t disturb your positive VIBE. That is something I strive for every, single day…I can attest that it works if you stick to it. I deserve ALL the beauty that this life journey has to offer. Don’t you?
Did you know what YOU think; is what YOU attract? Let that sink in for a minute..and take this thought with you also. @ ““The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her/his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
**Remember all the passion, drive, ambition, goals, DREAMS ya’ll had when leaving the “nest”? That all encompassing feeling of thinking , I can DO it all and I know it all! ; and I’m going to do this, and travel there! , etc etc, yada yada..And then life happened. Bills, marriage, more bills, house with a picket fence, more bills!, children, more bills, children’s education, more BILLS..and in between off to work we go….Its all too easy to get SO caught up in co-raising children and holding down a marriage/love relationship plus taking care of the household; to forget one’s OWN dreams. Or least it was for moi(me) My dreams took a major back seat…by design. For once I became a Mother; it became my full time job. And the most important JOB that I’ll ever have..When I became an empty-nester; I honestly didn’t know how to handle IT. It didn’t come easy to me as many would think it should..It was traumatic. Thoughts of “What do I do NOW?” “OMG my sons don’t neeeeed me anymore” etc…Suddenly it seemed as if my days lasted forever. I didn’t know what to DO with all the extra time. I had forgotten my dreams. And I was totally clueless how to “desire” my old passions/dreams/goals as I once had. But now, thanks to a mighty GOD, and an extremely loving family/friends; I can remember my dreams. And daily I’m working on attaining them one by one. I dream BIG and I dream in living COLOR>
I think one of the main keys to staying progressive IS; staying positive! We have to keep ourselves UPlifted. We have to believe in ourselves before anyone else will. And we have to know we can achieve ANYthing we desire. IF we can dream it; we can do IT. Or least that is the way I see it..and I’m living it. I’ve come to believe that nothing easily gained is worth it. Nada..I’m a worker bee..And if you spend time around me; I’ll put you to work also. Nothing changes; until something changes..and that means keeping it moving. Was Rome built in a day? Absolutely not..but it took a TON of folks to build Rome UP. And I’m willing to bet it began with a dream that it could happen..
The Laws of Cause & Effect are strong in our lives..Once we truly realize that; any goal can be accomplished. Are you at cause so you give yourself the power to make the choice about how you think, feel and act and you create the life you want or are you at the effect of everything life throws at you so you see everything as negative and are always looking for something or someone to blame for your what happens to you in life? Let that sink in for a minute. And being honest with self in answering that helps..
And last, but certainly not least..HELP someone else reach their dream while you’re striving towards yours. Lending a helping hand to others , for me, has brought me joy..it just feels good! And, believe it or not, when you least expect it..it comes back tenfold. Amazing how that works out
Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Black America, Black Culture, Black Family Affairs, BLACK Fathers, Black History Month, Black Relationships, Black Step Fathers, Blogging my fanny off.., Daddy's Girl, DP Post A Day 2013, DPCHALLENGE, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, Telling it like it IS, UNsung Hero, WordPress
In dedicating this week’s posts to ALL things pertaining to Black America..in honor of Black History Month..I’d be remiss in not giving proper attention/adulation/RESPECT to BLACK FATHERS. I should’ve begun and ended with this topic; but I needed time to gather my thoughts to give this topic the HIGH regard it deserves. I can only pray I give it the DUE justice it so rightfully earns. Here is my very best attempt to stand UP and pay homage to the Black MEN whose positive side is notoriously ignored by the media, the paparazzi, often times by Black WOMEN themselves..
**This is a subject near & dear 2 my heart as a 4ever & very LOVED Daddy’s Girl. I dedicate this piece as a tribute to the MAN who gave me life/has been my life-line in my darkest of days/and who has been the voice in my life journey that could instantly bring me comfort when I needed it the most/and beloved lifemate & lovemate of my Mom.. I love you always, Daddy!**
~”Mothers can not be Fathers…Fathers can not be Mothers” EACH role is distinctly important and that is far too often disregarded by the Black community. In the same regard a FATHER’s role is CRUCIAL in a child’s development; no different than it takes both sexes to make a baby…it should rightfully take BOTH to properly raise a child. Exclamation point. Period..Nonetheless many a Black woman has HAD to take on both roles. Or in some cases , far too many, overlooked and under-mined a Father’s role in their child(rens) lives. Which, in my opinion, is a GREAT disservice to the child. Because society does its best to depict Black Fathers as UNneeded; Black Mothers/Women have got to play double -duty letting them know they’re ESSENTIAL. It is a part of our unspoken JOB even though we fall short at times doing so…
>For far too long the “rumors” that resonate as so called “facts” in American society about Black Fathers hasn’t been defended OUT LOUD by anyone…including the Black community. Harsh and sad as that sounds we all know it is true. But what is NOT true is the UNtruth that Black men don’t care /don’t want to care about their children . I’ve lived and seen quite the opposite with my own Father(aka Daddy) , my exhusband, and a host of friends who are Black Fathers/Dads/Pops!/Papa..
NOT only do Black men LOVE their children , and want to spend time with them, but many have had to go to great lengths(and expense of attorneys) to secure what should be their “right”; as a parent. Which is to participate and BE involved in their child’s life; & faced much resistance from racially/gender biased court systems. I personally witnessed a friend of mine endure this for 3 years! The entire time over $800 a month deducted from his salary monthly; yet he had to fight the courts/& child’s mother for visitation rights. Honestly, had I not witnessed it I’d not have believed such a thing could happen…What I feel needs to happen so this can cease is Black mothers have GOT to stop manipulating the court system. Why stop a well-intentioned Father from spending time with their child? And shouldn’t we ask ourselves WHY the court system would allow such a thing?!? But one only has to know the detriment to a child without their Father in their lives..just maybe the infamous “they” don’t want Black Fathers involved in their childrens lives for a reason. Nevertheless the courts would NOT be able to dictate such things; IF mothers respected the importance of the Father’s involvement. Black relationships without a doubt need a major overhaul when courts are this involved in “their” childrens lives…WE can and must do better or our childrens future will be bleak.
The positive impact an actively engaged Father has on a child’s life is beyond priceless…#1 . Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their child #2. Indirectly the relationship between child’s parents will IMPACT the child for life. So even when parents split maintaining a cordial environment is MANDATORY. Just look at it as working on a mutual major project together; your child. Mature folks who love their child can manage this(and helps if you once loved each other)…#3. Children with involved, caring Fathers have better educational outcomes. Higher IQs, better linguistic & cognitive skills(if you don’t believe me google it..) #4.Children with involved Fathers are more emotionally secure,confident to explore their surroundings, less likely to get into trouble at home , school , or anywhere!, and have better social connections/skills #5. Children with involved Fathers are far less likely to experience depression issues, less likely to exhibit disruptive behavior, MORE likely to exhibit pro -social behavior #6. LESS likely to get involved with DRUGS, gangs, or violent behavior..
I’ve personally lived out loud the benefit of having been born into an active 2 parent loving(and IN love with one another)”nuture” team..Fortunately I no longer live over 3,000 miles from them; and loving every moment I get to spend with my parents. Parenting is a JOB that lasts for a LIFEtime. It never ends folks…. I’ve also been part of a 2 parent parenting team with my now exhusband; and its been(and still is) an experience I’ll cherish forever. My exhusband fully understands and promotes the importance of BOTH of our roles; and I give him his much deserved DUE props on a regular basis. He’s known to say there is nothing like “mama love” ; and likewise with “Pops love” We’ve shared duties and “huddled” over major issues. Even though we’ve been divorced for years. Having watched the nuturing love he has given to our sons; has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I’ve got another treasured friend who raised his children on his own basically…never once bad mouthing his children’s mother. Just stepped UP and took the reins in his hands and raised 3 awesome people. Single & GREAT Black Fathers DO exist. Though they ask for no applause; the applause should be thunderous! Enough of just the negative stories about our Black Fathers being plastered across screen and newspapers..the same light should be shown on the outstanding ones. And IF this isn’t done then Black Women need to step UP and do the JOB they were created for@Be supportive of Black Men when the rest of the world is NOT…Or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)
This topic is as REAL as it gets! I’ve got a naturally nuturing/loving spirit..To love is part of my DNA..Anyone who knows me can attest that I’ll literally give the shirt off my back to someone in need. And I have…without being asked I’ll give. Whether its money to someone holding UP a sign @will work for food…I’m a giver. And I feel we should all share of what we have to those in need; even if we’re close to broke our dang selves. BUT one thing I will NOT share, UNequivocally, is my MAN. I expect women to look..because I’ve got excellent taste..but do NOT touch him. Ever. And ever is a very long time. So read my lips so the message is clear..I won’t participate in MANsharing. But we all know it exists…It might even be common place for some. So much so there are jokes about it & many articles written on MANsharing among Black women. I laugh alot! Probably more than the average person..but this is no laughing matter. And I’m so serious..I’m not down with O.P.P.(is that term even used anymore??? well if not I’m bringing it back) My man is considered Private Stock(a term my ex taught me :) ) so flirt if you must because he’ll be HOT… (I’m single at the moment or certainly I’d not be writing on Valentine’s evening. So this message is for when I start dating again. lol! ) but do NOT touch my MAN…
Some of the terms, for lack of a better word, used to describe “love triangles” these days are: Main chicks, Side Chicks, Mansharing…For anyone who watches reality tv, which I don’t!, you might have seen some of this laid out in living color(and REALness) on the show”Love and Hip Hop Atlanta”..I ran across a narrative while on a Black website; I was interacting in a group online discussion about Black Love Relationships. And first let me say , OMG! To say my hair was blown back is an understatement…I had NO idea ‘polyamourous coupling’ could be considered an IN thing these days. Or least enough to have it shown on the boob tube. Backintheday we used to called those type of arrangements; open relationships or just plain ole cheating! But seems things have changed or have they?
These days apparently many women , in accepting their rights to sexual freedom and choice, are far less ashamed of those choices…even when they’re generally seen/portrayed as indecent. What usually happens when these love triangles or mansharing accounts are heard of or discovered!(sometimes by an un-assuming wife/girlfriend) the heavier side of blame is placed on the woman involved in the arrangement. She is scorned in some cases and called every name under the sun; except a child of GOD. I know because I’ve been on the flip side of that coin myself. Yep! I was once a very, totally “UNassuming” wife who got the surprise of my life..which also broke my heart into a cazillion pieces. But moving right along….
However, as we get to “the other side of feelings”; also known as getting over a broken heart or lost love..we begin to analyze the “entire situation” and often times can understand” somewhat” how that certain situation came about…Or least those of us that want to truly heal & forgive when we’ve been hurt by someone practice this. So anyways how does a 3rd party come into a marriage or relationship? Is it always KNOWN by the 3rd party that said man is married or taken? Are there women who prey on married men and consider them a challenge? Last but not least the question that begs to be answered…Are there rising numbers of MANsharing among Black women because of the shortage of BLACK men due to high rate of Black men behind bars in our country?!? Here is the take on those answers and the way I see it..
At this point in my life I’ve grown to believe things I never thought I’d believe when I was alot younger…Grey area DOES exist! I used to think everything was either Black or White. That everything either was or wasn’t..and that simply isn’t the case. I now believe that one person can be IN love with two people. Might seem like its impossible to alot of ya’ll out there…but that is because it hasn’t yet happened to you. You’ll have to trust me on this one. Also , I think sometimes folks get into “situations” and don’t know how to get out of them. Lets call it getting caught UP. I also think sometimes people that aren’t totally “satisfied” in a relationship can easily wind UP having an affair. BUT I also think some Sista’s have been duped by Brotha’s who don’t reveal the truth from the onset…Many a woman has probably, nope has!, gotten involved not knowing the man was married. Or the infamous statement IS= He’ll say he is married; but separated…In my opinion until the ink is wet on the divorce decree you’re still MARRIED. I told this brother that once who said he’d been separated for 3 years. 3 years! And as MUCH as I was digging him I said when you’ve gotten your divorce and IF I’m still single; give me a buzz. And he did!
In my heart of hearts I just think there is a way to conduct ourselves like we respect ourselves. Like a lady. Sounds corny but I mean it..Doesn’t mean we can’t have sex appeal or even flirt. Sex appeal is as natural as the air we breathe..IF you got it , then flaunt IT. But with some amount of decency and class. IF a woman doesn’t respect or honor her OWN self/body; how the heck can we expect a man do to the same by us?!? That answer is easy to see; even for a blind person.
For folks that are into poly-relationships..as long as its all mutually agreed upon..do your thing! Its a free country and you can have at it if you like…Not my style because the one thing in life I’m selfish about is my MAN. I do not nor will I share. Not yesterday, not today, and not whenever I get into my next/last! relationship. But for the Sista’s into chasing married men…or adding notches to some sort of married belt. What is going to happen whenever ya’ll settle down & finally get married?? What IF some marriedmanchasingsista comes along and snags YOUR husband??! What will you then think about women who have no issue DOing a married man? Sometimes we should think about the flip side of things; before we do them. Having a heart helps…and also karma is a B! The good news? One can repent and regroup for their past transgressions. That is the beauty of this life journey. Having said all of that there should be a couple unspoken Sista rules when dating…Ya’ll ready for this?
Rule 2. IF he tells you he is married but separated…I don’t care how many years. He IS still married. And thus someone else’s MAN. Legally. Period
Rule 3. IF he is the ex of a friend of yours…Not worth possibly ruining your relationship with your friend. I don’t care how fine or cute he is.
Rule 4. IF he asks for your number but can’t/won’t give you his. MARRIED. Run quickly from this situation before it even becomes a situation. Period
Rule 5. IF you know he is either married or taken…Walk away or just engage in friendship. Even talking or flirting with the idea of a relationship can lead to an emotional attachment. And getting emotionally attached or falling in love! with a man that isn’t available will drain you/block your blessings/and guarantee your heart will be crushed
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~~I’ve decided to post a ‘Thought 4 the Week’ . Going to jump start things by starting with one near N dear to my heart. It is my true BELIEF that what we intake (whether it is what we hear, see, or ingest into our bodies..) can and DOES have an impact on us! That includes what we see or hear from others. What we see or hear in our environment.(including what is on the BOOB tube ) It only makes sense that if one intakes alot of negativity; it can impact even the most positive of people. In a negative way! And negative vibes will seep out in some form or another. So what is Karma? This is the way I see IT…I’m currently reading two books; one of the books is a reference guide @Philosophy by Steven Law. I’ve always had an interest in the Hindu concept of Karma. I’ve learned quite a bit more about it(as well as opposing viewpoints & concepts) by reading an array of books. But, before I go further just one more quote that I feel is relevant.
>>>Karma= the Moral Capital. Karma=the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence. Karma=Effect from Cause; from one’s own actions. Karma=Whatever we do with our body, mind, or speech will have a corresponding RESULT.
*Recently I’ve found myself saying that GOD makes no mistakes; no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. Could then some of that “reason” be based on our very thoughts, our actions, and our WORDS? Of course…If one believes that such a things as “karma” exists; then they also believe that nothing happens by accident. From that line of thinking it can stand to reason that; there are cosmic influences at work that determine our lives. Thus good deeds bear sweeeet fruit . Bad deeds bear fruit that is beyond bitter…One has to have an open mind ~N~ think far outside of the box to even begin or want to grasp this concept. Having said all of that what could it hurt to THINK, ACT and SPEAK in a positive manner? Especially when the results of doing so have such potential to yield positive things?!? Don’t we all benefit more from positive light than negative darkness? The words inof themselves@ light and dark have great meaning. Objects are ATTRACTED to light! Like a moth….Objects can not been seen in the dark. Hmmmm. One more quote …
“In simple terms, what does karma mean? It means that whatever we do, with our body, speech, or mind, will have a corresponding result. Each action, even the smallest, is pregnant with its consequences. It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree. And as Buddha said: “Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.” Similarly he said: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.” Karma does not decay like external things, or ever become inoperative. It cannot be destroyed “by time, fire, or water.” Its power will never disappear, until it is ripened.”~Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
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**In observance of this FABULOUS holiday@ Martin Luther King, Jr day..lays ripe the opportunity to speak on a couple topics I adore. Education. Youth. Love. Before I dig in …I hope any/all out there that have this day off from work give a bit of today to say, THANK YOU, Martin Luther King, Jr. for giving US all you had(including your life..) unselfishly so that we might have the freedoms we have today. I/WE appreciate YOU. …
**The above quote @”I have decided to stick with LOVE..Hate is too great a burden to bear”..is in my belief the BEST quote I’ve ever been blessed enough to read. And with all of my BEing I’m also trying to live that out loud as well. There is a beauty in those words and in that sentiment and IF only that message can truly spread like FIRE..what a different country, world even!, this would be. Can’t WE all muster UP the love within US and share it?!? I’ve got my hand held UP high. I think WE can. YES we can!
>>Last night I happened to be in attendance at a event hosted NationWide (in 400 locations…) by a predominantly Black sorority (*round of applause for the ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA SORORITY) in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr..Called a day of service for MLK,Jr. The overall message was CLEAR..Service WE must & should all be doing to educate, enlighten, and EMPOWER the youth(our future!) There was a panel(which consisted of rising Black leaders & predominant business owners/young Black CEO of a major local bank!/even a newly appointed Assistant City Manager; highly impressive panel regardless of color. Progress! There was a moderator present asking each panelist what “their” advice/suggestions/expertise based on experience was for the YOUTH and for progression for US as a community. In the audience was a group of promising youth already marked as UP and rising..I personally felt, and wished, more youth had been present. But it was a great jump start, I hope!, for the adults in the audience to GO forth and spread the message to others to reach OUT and educate, enlighten, and empower! the youth. The fact that this exact premise was also being held concurrently(same day… ) in 400 other locations across our great Nation warmed MY heart and encouraged me to continue hoping, praying! , that WE shall overcome and continue to progress for I also(like MLK, Jr.) have a dream…
**I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when my 3 beautiful, intelligent, personable, loving , educated, artistic, athletic BLACK sons(my Black princes!) will one day be judged based NOT on the color of their skin…but judged based on who they ARE. Not asking for 2 much; just asking for what ANY other mother longs for her sons. I long for a day when folks don’t fear when walking past my 3 Black sons; for they’re armed with NO weapon other than their COLLEGE DEGREE‘s. Bred & raised with nonviolence and wishing for nothing more than to aspire to their dreams!/their aspirations/their GOALS. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space in which my future grandbabies won’t be LABELED as Black, as Negro, as African-American nor have to fill out that slot on ANY form. I would love for that day to come when people are just labeled as..PEOPLE. Yes, I have a dream! On this day that just happens to also be the day when for the 2nd time in HISTORY; a Black brother is being publically sworn in as President of the United States of America..I dream that ONE day that fact won’t BE so remarkable. I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when to describe people NONE of us label each other as ..The White woman that was there OR! The Black man that was there. WE are all just people…And WE all have alot more in common than different. How beautiful it IS when we just sit and chat/or vibe over the Net/or rap face 2 face and share of ourselves…I have a dream! I dream of a time and space when WOMEN of any color are compensated at the same level as MEN. (based on what they earn & rightfully deserve) I have a dream! When love brings people 2gether. And keeeeeps people 2gether. For LOVE can over-ride any division that lays between US. LOVE can conquer even what seems impossible. I believe. I believe! And I have a dream…As always folks stay UPlifted & blessed. Remember 2 count your blessings 2day and everyday. 4ever Sincere, Berna (the 1 n only)
**I’m jumping back onto the “Post a Day” DP Challenge horse’s back…Shared sentiment with another WP blogger not too long ago how difficult it truly IS to post a day..And it IS..Especially when offline obligations take priority and when catching UP on sleep becomes a MUST. I squeeeeze alot into my days..loving every minute of life..but even I had to put the breaks on some things last week. But thankfully it is a brand new day! And week! There is a song by Aaliyah, an oldie but goodie(those are the BEST) that I adore and it is called try again…
“If at first you don’t succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again…”
*Not that I’m complaining about not having enough time 2 do all I desire doing..I really LOVE being busy/staying busy/BEing productive doing PROgressive things..I was chatting with my youngest the other day on the phone..And regarding something we were discussing he said, “Mom you know how it goes. And you taught it to us..Just keeeeeeep it moving forward!” From the mouths of babes and I dig it when it just happens to be someone I was blessed to have co-raised. Life is truly a wonderful “trip” and ride. One of the beautiful things about life is WE can all try again even when we fall short of our own goals. So! Later on 2day I’m back on the postaday challenge kick. Not yet finished having my say N telling it my way…Going to try this one “mo” time. Write/read ya’ll later on tonight.
44th N 45th soon to BE
So personal its become to me
This entire political process
I sincerely have to confess
I’ve grown tyeeeed of this mess!
My feelings are difficult to compress
With sincerity and conviction I will try to express…
Who knew that even with 4 years of slow but steady progress
(And) endured every single ploy, stall tactics, N Republican tests
Having given Americans his all N his very best
That President Obama would still have to impress
Not only the fickle masses but some of his very OWN
Certainly the latter couldn’t have even possibly known
The irreversible damage done by their blatant treason
*Lord, why must some of us need more of a reason…
2 stand united other than having been born BLACK?*
I must apologize for I digress
My mental still trying to digest…
The 3 ring circus that has become our political process
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I realize a lot of people in the workplace simply hate their jobs. If you are one of them, here is a bit of advice – change employers. That’s right – just change employers, today – right now! But, you say, “Jobs are hard to find; I can’t just change jobs like that.” I didn’t say change jobs; I said change employers.
(photo credit – sodahead.com)
Paul wrote to the Colossians: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23, NIV) Did you know you can change employers without changing jobs? Just say, “I no longer work for my old company or my old boss. I now work for the Lord.”
As you go through your day, keep telling yourself: “I work for Jesus now. I have to be careful how I act. I have to watch…
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>>I’m back ! And I’m going to wrap UP this week of leaving my carbon footprints by giving props to my eldest son. My week began busy; ended busier. (and the upcoming weekend is JAM packed) This week is ending on such a HIGH note for me..that I’ve GOT to blog about it. Hopefully my thoughts will help someone else out there to hold ON for the good happenings that this life holds for all of us…
**There once was a child born of a single mother. A child who never spoke the usual babbling which little babies speak. When he began to speak at almost 2 yrs old; those who hadn’t carried him in their womb for 9 months , thought something was wrong. His mother said he will speak when he has something to say! And when said child finally spoke he spoke in FULL sentences. WOW. An intense child and highly intellectual..from birth. Read to by his mother when still inside her womb. Loved, adored N cherished by his Mom before she ever laid eyes on him. Said son has shared his Mom’s love of reading, yea!, his entire life. Spent every summer in school since the 9th grade till now…Whose legs were so “bowed” they made his legs curve under him. He was WELL fed , lol! , and loved. Those bowed legs and lack of health insurance was the deciding factor for his Mom to leave college N join the military. As a single Mom she felt she needed a steady salary N health insurance for her son…I’m going to fast-forward through alot of this because emotions are running rampant N high this evening..
**My eldest son is the type of son that every parent DREAMS of being their eldest child! He has been N is an awesome role model for his 2 younger brothers..Yet his humility is one of the most beautiful things about him. He has faced N handled adversity in his lifetime with grace , wit, intellect, and a very matter-of-fact manner. He just makes things look SO easy! He had a self-driven desire his entire life to attain a PHD..nothing less was going to suffice. He has gone to school including summers for 17 years(including high school) He IS an academic scholar N an academian. He’s traveled & done research to South Africa & Ireland; as well as countless cities in our country for academic conferences. And tonight! he faced the Board at a prestigious University(and he is a PHD candidate there riding on a FULL fellowship) in our country and defended his proposal of his dissertation for his PHD. And after 2 hours on his very FIRST attempt..passed with flying colors! What that means 2 me as his Ma..is almost to difficult to translate into words. What that means for our direct family on both sides of our family tree..is progress! Our very first Dr._____. Proud can’t quite describe how I feeeeel tonight and have felt his entire life. This tribute is my attempt to express how I feel about my eldest son/his achievements/his humility/his love& concern for his younger 2 brothers/his remarkable REALness/his dedication of doing outreach to others considered minorities(his Masters thesis) /his love of family N his honor to his parent..his Ma..and his surrogate parents..his grandparents(my parents)
**A single parent ALWAYS worries about NOT being enough for their child. I always worried what my child was missing out on because his Father was NEVER a constant in his life ..nor has my son any recollection of what his Father even looks like. But not once has my son used that as an excuse to fail(quite the contrary he’s always been an over-achiever/honor roll student/Who’s Who in Academia while also maintaining an active social life with an array of LIFElong trusted friends) nor has he expressed feeling any loss in his life due to that being factual. His grands(my parents) stood UP and filled the gap. It has been an amazing journey..I’d like to say to ANY single parent out there the following: IF you don’t have the physical or financial support from the other parent…reach out to others you trust in your family to fill in the gap. If that isn’t possible find & interview(and do background checks) a Big Brother/Big Sister through that organization. Reach out to trusted clergy and church members. It truly takes a VILLAGE, in my opinion, to properly raise a child . By whatever legal means necessary…
~When my son came into the world my faith in GOD was hardly apparent..I brought my son(s) to Mass wanting SO badly to believe fully in GOD; yet I didn’t. BUT I so wanted to! And as I look back on nights like this when I can hardly sit stillll because I’m SO excited/happy/content/overjoyed..I can clearly SEE how the hand of GOD was in every, single part of my life. Even long before I believed. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD and a patient GOD(that waited years for me to believe…) that I’m even around to taste the beauty of my son’s victorious achievement tonight. I give ALL the glory to GOD..I was prayed UP as my son went before the board..as well as called upon friends/loved ones from coast 2 coast to form a prayer chain. I’d like to also say; single parents hold ON for as long as you do ALL you can DO with LOVE for your child..alllll the years of sacrifice! will pay off in great ways. Don’t lose hope(ever) and stand strong. And read, read, READ with and to your child..reading is truly fundamental. Try hard never to use the word never with your child. Encourage them to reach for their dreams; even if their dream seems impossible. Be their cheerleader! I’m writing this tribute to my son tonight because he is SO humble he won’t pat himself on the back. So I am doing it for him! Years N years N years of hard work ..I’ve watched you (even from afar) with awe as you never buckled..just kept driving onward and forward. You’ve done things I dreamt for myself long ago…and now I feeeeeel like a part of me has accomplished that dream. The part of me that is YOU. Many Congrats my Dr. Son! I love you always N always, Ma…
Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of Medgar Evers (Michael Caulfield/Wire Image/Getty Images)
Medgar Evers’ widow to deliver inauguration prayer: President Obama has chosen Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of slain civil rights icon Medgar Evers, to deliver the invocation at his public swearing-in later this month, the Washington Post reports. This will be the first time a woman, and a layperson rather than a clergy member, has been chosen to perform the invocation.
item by Jenée Desmond-Harris via theroot.com
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**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.
**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..
**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?” N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus, his reply is NO. I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one of the biggest mistakes WE as women do/or can make. From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that he is NOT the one. RUN.
**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…
**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”
**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.
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For the most part last year I winged IT! Luckily , for me the year ended up being a pretty progressive one..One in which I had a loose plan set for myself. But had I strategically planned from the onset of 2012..the year for me would’ve been even more progressive N productive. So, since I can’t rewind time what I can DO is make a plan for this year NOW. I’m trying a totally new concept. A concept to help me better focus on my goals N streamline my efforts. A plan for goal-getting instead of goal-setting. To test this concept one has to choose words that encompass their entire plan. I want to begin to finally! practice brevity this year..so I’m choosing only 4 words. Or going to attempt to. Here are my 4(four) words for this concept of goal-getting for me in..2013.
1. SLEEP= I’ve GOT to focus on getting more sleep. I sleep well..very much so. Deeply. And I’m asleep almost literally before my head hits the pillow! However, when I finally sit still..its all she wrote! Mayhaps because my active regime + the energy amping glowing green smoothie= turbo speed so much that it isn’t allowing me to want to sleep. Bottom line is though it isn’t healthy to be sleep deprived. And being that I’m growing more health conscious by the day; its time to practice it in all ways. #1 word for me in 2013 is overwhelmingly ..sleep.
2. LOVE=There is a ton of love in my life/my world/my heart/my being. The type of love I’m referring to right now is regarding a love life. I have none right now! Not only that I’m going to have 2 make time for one(& start at least dating) …I’ve been busy! And have even more I’ve got on my 2do list for 2013. I was recently told though that sometimes being too busy isn’t setting the stage for my “the one” to find me. So since I’ve self professed this year as the one I’ll allow myself to finally fall IN love again; I’m making it a priority. Thus it earns the #2 spot on my words for 2013.
3. EDUCATION=This is a close runner UP for the #2 spot on my list. I’d planned on heading back 2 college in 2013 midway into 2012. I’m on schedule to do just that. School selected. Field selected. Enrolled. All I’m waiting on now is the start of the semester.
4. COLLABORATE=I’ve got alot I want 2 accomplish. Alot of ideas…Some I can attain by myself. Some I’ll need to find & select people who can help to accomplish. (and finish creating the format) With proper networking, which I’ve already begun to work on here, this should fall into place soon.
**So those are my 4 words to assist me in reaching my goals/resolutions I set for 2013. Sleep*Love*Education*Collaborate. Anyone out there want to share what yours are? Lets rap…
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I saw this prompt on WordPress this morning N could hardly believe my eyes! A chance to write, solicited, about my journey of Faith. A journey which spans an entire lifetime, mine, N a myriad of phases. From wannaBbeliever/attending Mass all the while over the years, yet not feeeeeeeling IT/starting 2 grasp IT/seeking 2 fully believe/Believer in every bone of my body and HUNGRY to learn more N more. Going to take a few moments to gather my thoughts so that my keystrokes can relay what I’d like to share. ^2 B Continued Soon^
Where do I begin a topic such as Faith? A topic that has become so very personal 2 me that I’m excited just being about 2 write about IT. Saying that, keystroking it rather, still amazes me because a mere 5 years ago I’d not have felt such excitement over the topic of Faith. I was IN a different time N space then. A different mindset. And yet, I’ve been LED to right where I am now. The here N now. Present in the moment N oh! so content , pleased, HAPPY, to B in this moment. Any1 who has known me for a decent length of time knows that is a miracle inofitself…
I can not promise this will B a post of brevity. But I can promise it will B sincere N hope it is received as such. Never do I profess to be an expert in anything..though I’m experienced in ALOT ..I possess a PHD in life. From extreme moments of joy 2 being down in valleys so deeeeeep I didn’t think I’d make it out..alive. Real talk. There once was a time I didn’t think I’d live to see 50 yrs of age. There once was a time I did NOT want to live to see the age of 50 yrs of age. There once was a time my own actions /feelings were indicative that I didn’t like myself very much. And yet by my outward appearance people thought I loved ME. But on the inside I was lost…a part of my inner being was murdered when I was a teen. An action that even my own Daddy couldn’t *stop* from happening to ME..and yet here I stand on the brink of making IT to 50 yrs of age. I am in AWE of that and that is tough! to express to people. So I no longer try…I just AM . Trying to live UP to my GOD given purpose. Far from that goal yet I’m so very , very much closer than I ever have been in my life. And you know what? I just feeeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOD about 99% of the time! Real talk. Alive, vibrant, and leaping out of bed each day @O’dark thirty hours eager! to start each new day. I say all of this to attempt to express to ya’ll how very GOOD that my GOD is allll the time. I’d not have wasted these keystrokes to say such personal things if not trying to show you just how FAR my GOD has brought ME..through things I didn’t think I’d ever make it through. Once something I yearned to believe IN(because those I loved dearly@my parents believed so strongly…) and now? I believe so strongly that at times the feeling of goodness feeeeeels so good I get overwhelmed. Ever felt something that good? So good it scared you? And yet even that scared feeling of butterflies about to burst out of your tummy felt good?!? That is how I feel most of the time now…I can’t properly describe it any other way.
After experiencing a very unexpected spiritual awakening in a state I’d lived in & loved! since 1989..I found MYself led, guided, to move cross country. 2 beginning anew. At 48 yrs of age…I was simply put, terrified to do that! Yet everything happening was urging me/gently pushing me towards making such a bold move. I was afraid to do it. I was afraid not to do it. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll as it still 2 this day makes 2 me. Shortly after relocating cross country I was fortunate enough to attend my very 1st(but certainly not my last..) National Black Catholic Conference in Indianapolis with my parents & new church friends. AND MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED. Over a period of 4 days I for the 1st time in my life felt I belonged NOT just to the religion I’d been a part of since birth..but I began to feel remarkably different. I began to see things differently. I began to say things differently. It happened so suddenly! I had begun to believe in GOD fully and almost overnight. Not forced nor reaching to believe as I had my entire 40 some odd years…Bam! I believed. My life, the years past of my life/events of my life/people who had entered my life/circumstances that happened in my life/…began to rewind in my mind. Over days N days..as IF someone was playing a movie of MY life. I couldn’t STOP it..seriously thought I was losing my dang mind. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not even my Mom. Sounded far too crazy to try to explain..or did IT?
My entire outlook on things changed..Instead of feeling sorry for MYself about things I’d left behind..Stead of lamenting about people /loved ones! I couldn’t see daily(that I missed as if it were the AIR I had to breathe..) I threw myself head 1st into becoming the type of person I so admired. I began to WORK on tweaking/changing every facet of myself that I did not care for. Tough job to do at almost 50 yrs of age…I didn’t consult anyone. But I began to PRAY for guidance. I simply had a chat with GOD N asked him to please let me seeeeee the me that everyone else loves! Let me begin to love…ME. Heal me from things that happened long ago that were NOT within my control. Allow me to learn to lose the tight, oh so tight! control, I have held over my heart. Let me live life to the potential I know you’ve plotted out for me since before my conception. And then! I realized I was talking to GOD..and I fully believed he was hearing me. Just so happened the exact way I just wrote it. I became a full believer without the least amount of effort. A process of things over a lifetime brought me..here. So I’ve decided that it must’ve ALL been a part of HIS plan. That had my life happened any other way I simply wouldn’t have gotten IT. Once I was so very blind; but now I see EVERYthing so clearly. I kid you not. N I’m as serious as I’ve ever been about anything.
Now? I’m like a sponge. I am on a personal pilgrimage..Still journeying to get closer to my GOD. So much I’ve yet to learn . I don’t confess to have Bible scriptures memorized. Nor do I profess to be a perfect Christian. I am NOT a perfect anything. I am just me..the one and only creation of what my God created me to B. I don’t even long to be perfect! I think that would make me boring as heck…What am I? I am perfectly imperfect.
I’ll leave ya’ll with this final thought. Fear not if you don’t yet believe 100%…just wanting to believe is a start! WE are ALL loved children of GOD..whether we believe or not. This is what I feel. This is what I’ve come to know. And if we just stop trying to follow our OWN will N let HIS will for us B and go with the flow when we are LED by him…life gets SO much easier! I stress and worry so much less than I used 2..that is yet another miracle! inofitself. Not saying I don’t still worry about things; but its FAR less than I used to. Progress…for Rome wasn’t built in a day. And it is ridiculous to think anything, including a person, especially one almost 50 lol! would change totally overnight…but I’m getting closer. I am WISER. I am STRONGER. I am SO much better than I used 2 B. Can’t ask for much more than that. And? If it can happen to me, and I can assure you my words R true, it can/WILL happen to anyone. You if you want it 2. All you have to do is ..BELIEVE. Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count each and every one of your blessings 2day N every day. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Disclaimer: Any and all thoughts I ever write/say are entirely based on “my” thoughts/feelings/beliefs..For the sake of this post I am NOT saying that having GOD back in schools would’ve stopped what happened recently in Newton from happening. I understand it could’ve happened anywhere..however what I do “feel” is that it couldn’t hurt matters overall. And I stand by that feeling/thought/belief…
As the days draw nearer to CHRISTmas my thoughts/emotions/feelings rest more N more on the meaning behind this season…I love this time of year! Have since I was a very little girl..funny how even as we mature, age, evolve there are still core elements about us that never change. That though is one of the many beautiful things about life.
WE find ourselves in a time N place in which one has to be careful in so many ways..How we dress; as to not incite unfavorable opinions of us. What we eat; so we don’t ruin our health. What we say from our lips AND how we say things to others. And even how we address people when wishing them well wishes about this current season…Well, I’m old skool and will be until the day I leave this lifetime. Know what that means? It means for ME this season will always B as it should rightfully B…CHRISTmas. Why, has it become such a time in our history in which folks wish N choose to change SO many things? And now! think they can also change the VERY things in which created them..
God has been taken out of schools and YET folks wonder why the youth are doing CRAZY things. I can’t even begin to talk abut the recent “incident” yet that took the lives of 20 young children..But the person who made that come about was still very young. It IS time to go back 2 the very things that brought us into existence in the first place. I , for one, am NOT going to NOT say Merry CHRISTmas. It is literally a crying shame one has to worry about wishing someone something GOOD. Now we have to worry about how to re-phrase or phrase even that..OMG. And yes, oh MY God. I am a believer. 24/7.. There was a time N place, sure as I’m sitting here typing this, that I thought! I lived in world where everyone , at the least, believed in God. Or wanted to believe there was a God. Yep, I was once that very young and naive.
“”But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” I John 1:9..
Jesus was born so that one day the price would be paid for the things we have done that are wrong. God sacrificed his ONLY son for us! THAT is what the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas is. When I think about that; I mean when I reallly, really think about that@sacrificed his only son. I’ve got 3 sons. 3 beautiful, Black, smart, personable, intelligent sons that I’d literally do ANYthing for without a moments’ hesitation. Would I? Could I? I’d like to think I would; but would I sacrifice even having THREE sons for the good of all mankind? As I sit here now even re-pondering that for the upteenth time …truth is I don’t think so. Why? Because in my realm of think; my scope of thinking…I just can’t give any of my 3 sons up. To or for anything. Period. So even more so reason for me and all of US to be thankful that God did that for US. I think about stuff like that nowadays…there was a time I didn’t. I used to be one of those people out there running AROUND till the very, and I mean very! last minute buying and buying and trying to buy more gifts and gifts and gifts and gifts and gifts to give. And for what????? So that we could ALL be broke or worrried about being broke AFTERwards??? How does that even come remotely close to what the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas is? It simply does not. Not when I was doing it and not NOW….Bottom line IS we are loved children of GOD. He loved us SO much he sacrificed his ONLY son for us. No matter what is happening to us in our lives right here N now..no matter we may miss our sons who can’t be here..or any other loved one we wish we could spend this holiday with…WE know we’re loved children of God. WE are never alone and always, always loved unconditionally. Just knowing/feeeeeeeeling that should bring us inner JOY and PEACE N then we’ve got to share it with others. I just attempted to do that with my words right here and now. I wish ya’ll a very, very, merry CHRISTmas. Stay uplifted , encouraged and BLESSED..and remember 2 count your blessings 2day and everyday…4ever sincere Berna(the one N only)
Birthday, Caring, Dear friends, Family, Friends, Heart, Heart strings, Love, Matters of the heart, Peace, Philosophy, Positive, Sharing, Simple, Simplicity, Things that matter in life, Thought, Time, What matters most in life
~~IT’S THE SIMPLE THINGS
WHEN THINKING OF WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST
MY MATERIAL “THANGS” DON’T EVEN COME CLOSE
THANKFUL EACH N EVERY MORNING I OPEN MY EYES
EAGERLY I RUN OUTSIDE TO WATCH THE SUNRISE!
NATURES’ WONDERS..ONE OF GOD’S SWEETEST GIFTS
DOESN’T COST A SINGLE DIME
STOPPING 2 SMELL THE ROSES IS PART OF MY DAILY GRIND
THOSE LITTLE PLEASURES THAT EXCITE ME TILL I’M ON FULL
HAS TAUGHT ME 2 NOT SWEAT SMALL STUFF~NO TIME 4 BULL
A DAILY CALL FROM MY MOMMA IS A PURE DELIGHT
OR DADDY BUZZING ME..
JUST 2 MAKE SURE MY HEADS’ STILL SCREWED ON TIGHT
USED TO TAKE THESE THINGS FOR GRANTED
BEFORE MY FEET WERE FIRMLY PLANTED
NOW HIGH ON MY LIST OF ADORATIONS
R MY SONS MANY “TEXT” ABBREVIATIONS..
“U’RE ON MY MIND MOMS N I LUV U”
CAN QUICKLY FLIP MY MOOD WHEN I’M BLUE
OH ITS THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS
THAT MY PUREST JOY CLINGS
FEELING SO HECKOFA AWESOME IN MY OWN SKIN
KNOW XACTLY WHERE I’M HEADED N WHERE I’VE BEEN
AS EACH NEW DAY IS BORN COMES A NEW OPPORTUNITY
TO SHARE LOVE N LAUGHTER~WHILST PROMOTING UNITY
*PRICELESS AND IRREPLACEABLE THINGS THAT MONEY CAN’T BUY*~~An Original Berna Creation , Jan 2010
I recently, very, had a conversation with someone N I said.” I AM a complex, multidimensional person. I AM a person who is a compilation of ALL that I’ve been thru/experienced since birth till now N survived. Years back I thought I wouldn’t live to see 50 yrs of age and yet! here I AM knocking on the door of 50 yrs of age. Having lived thru some things the average person may not have survived. N yet! I think I AM an average person trying to do extraordinary things. I feeeel I AM different & uniquely created to be ME” And their response was, “But is that good way 2 describe yourself to someone who doesn’t yet fully know you?” My response. “I think it is, because it is makes UP who I am. And it is the TRUTH as I see it because I know MYself”.. I mean sure it would have “sounded” better to say I’m a simple person with simple needs; or would it?? Personally? I don’t know that I care to spend much time around people who are simply “simple”. And yet I guess it would depend on what ones’ definition of simple IS. After all I’ve lived long enough to discover that as individuals we can often times have different descriptions of things. Sometimes altering definitions to our own circumstance or situation. Yep, I’m having some deep thoughts this morning and trying to work through it doing what I love best..writing it out. So please bear with what I’m almost certain will be a ton of run-on sentences. Understand that is how quickly my thoughts are flowing, in every way possibly imagined, and I’m just thankful I can type @ 90 wpm to keep UP with my…..thoughts. So anywayz as I sat to write at my usual Odark thirty time frame I found myself yearning for what I said I’d work on getting to a couple years ago. Simple things. I dug up this poem I wrote over 2 years ago to prove to myself I had indeed come to a time N place in life that I yearned to appreciate , Simple Things. I want to get back 2 that and have promised MYself this morning that I’d take a minute to reflect on this week N the simply beautiful things I’m thankful for.
And so earlier this week I took “time” to call my EXmominlaw on her birthday. A woman who has meant & does mean so much 2 me. She stills calls me daughter and I still call her my 2nd Momma….I made sure I called her during my lunch break so it would be early her time. California time. I did not want a good part of the day , her day!, to go by without personally wishing her a happy Bday. Simple things like that matter 2 me..the little things that say I care! I could’ve sent a card. Or a gift card. Or flowers. But I wanted to actually hear her voice. In a world in which I feel has become less N less personalized I still strive to give personal parts of me to loved ones. And it is what I yearn for in return. But anywayz I called her. Her joy in me calling on HER bday was tangible. I could feeeeel and hear it thru the phone. It was warm! It was sincere. IT was genuine. And I let her talk..I was straining to hear her as I dodged people in a crowded Mall frantically trying to get to the food court because I was starving! Yet, there both of us were. Connected, thank God, by a cell phone connection that I thanked my lucky stars didn’t disconnect. Gotta love Verizon! As I listened to this woman talk who I’m no longer connected to legally ..Who has known me and I her for over 23 yrs..A woman who tho I’m no longer with her son LOVES/ADORES me I realized how much of a blessing that IS. For here is a person who has seen me grow N grow, watched my sons grow N grow, and herself grown N grown…and the love is sooooo strong it can be felt thru a cell phone connection. It warmed my day to warm her day! 2 spend TIME with her even tho there were a ton of people around me in that Mall and I struggled to hear her. We both gained a mutual satisfaction from that “simple” phone call. And yet when I called I was just calling to make sure I gave her what she deserves. A personal phone call instead of an ecard/card/flowers/gift card/plant/or expensive gift sent in the mail. I gave her something far more priceless and gained from it MYself. WOW. To give a little bit of oneself totally for another can result in a warm, fuzzy feeeeeeling for the giver. Go figure! And so even though I recently find MYself pondering if and when I’ll truly have TIME to invest in a lifemate that I so desire should he come crashing suddenly into my world…I think in working thru those thoughts as I, write, that someway somehow! I’ll find the time..I want to leave U and myself with that final thought on this topic. Lets find the TIME 2day to simply spend time with those we love and care about. Period. Til I write again stay UPlifted N always remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the one n only)
NOT going 2 give any teasers , clues or hints with this 1..You’ll just have 2 wait 2 see what is on my mind ..Stay tuned because it only gets better from here.. *HOT TOPIC COMING SOON..It is O’dark thirty Saturday morn N I can’t resist the urge 2..write..
>>”**The most beautiful people we know are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deeeeep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen…** Quote from Elizabeth Kubler Ross>>
I ran across the above quote somewhere I was reading (I read everything & anything..) a few months back and found it SO deeeeep I had to keep it/save it/reflect on it..I’ll get back 2 it but for now lets move on. Deep alert though because I can feel it coming.
About a month or so ago I had the opportunity to hear an OUTstanding motivational speaker! Petite in stature N yet her words resonated in a HUGE way. As I sat there in an audience of my coworkers I kept loooooking around wondering IF her words/her message! was hitting H*O*M*E with any1 else as it was with ME..Ever wonder things like that??? Mayhaps that is just part of me being me, lol! Here I was sitting there, totally captivated by her words..and yet wondering am I the ONLY one getting this? Let me explain a little what her presentation was about and why..
Her presentation was simply about IMAGE. It was about our company desiring/commanding that it(including its employees) to BE exactly what the company is. In every possible way. The company I am OVERjoyed (have I said for the upteenth time I loveeeeeee my job?!?) to be a part of wants to reflect a mark of excellence. The company I work for wants its’ mission statement to resound loudly/smoothly via its employees dress/behavior 24 hrs a day/and of course in their job performance. Enough so they hired a motivational speaker to come speak to ALL of us. Wow..who wouldn’t want to work for a company that is willing to do that?! I’ve got my hand held UP high..but anywayz trying to STOP from digressing. So there I was one person sitting at the very, very back of the large room as this speaker was giving her oral & powerpoint show. And somewhere near the middle of her presentation it hit me. Ephipany! For all of my life but especially the past 15 months that IS what I’ve been doing..hoping that my words/actions reflect the love & light that I feeeeeel inside. For those that might not be following I’ve flipped the script to translate to SELF image.
Do others see YOU as you wish to be viewed by others? Are YOU actually the type of person you desire to BE? Do your words/actions reflect 2 others what YOU wish? Do YOU assume others see you as you wish; or have YOU asked them if you do? Hmmmmm let me dig a little deeper if I may..Do YOU care if others feel what the intent of your words are ? (N for the record I’ve always asked MYself all these same questions & nope I don’t answer myself LOL..thank you GOD for letting me have majority of my marbles still at almost, 50) Isn’t it important to reflect in words/actions/what we WEAR to the outside world? Before I go any further all of these questions are highly important to me. Totally in every , single way imaginable. Period.
For instance: IF you see someone dressed in firemans’ outfit; wouldn’t you expect them to come running if you yell out FIRE! On the flip side of that coin..if you see someone dressed in flip-flops, a bikini, and a beach ball ; wouldn’t you expect them to be heading to the beach? So, on a professional front should not our dress reflect a business savvy look? I mean is that NOT just something that need-not-even-be-expressed-to-folks-that-are-working-in-an-office-setting?!? And YET these dayz we must have very detailed dress codes. My question is WHY???? Because as I expressed at the very presentation I mentioned above EVERY single day I walk out of my home door I know I first represent my family..and not just MYself. Which means when YOU or anyone else views me physically I’m representing:my parents/my sons/my deceased grandparents/all of my deceased ancestors/all of my living relatives/MYself. That is how I look at myself every morning I wake up and depart to where ever I’m headed..Even if I go to the grocery store I’m NOT going out in furry, floppy house slippers and a shower cap. I mean , really?? I’ve seeeeen that. OMG. I bet their ancestors are doing flip-flops in their graves…Certainly folks weren’t taught this style of dress. Or were they? Know where I think it all goes back to? SELF ESTEEM. Which is why , in my hearts of hearts, I still think it is highly, and I mean highly!, important that children in their “primary years” are LOVED/taught&showed that they’re special/encouraged!/and R stroked emotionally in positive ways. There is NO substitute for that…and it is something that will impact that child 4 ever 4 their entire life. For as much as I believe in a persons’ right to express themselves as they please(and I do believe in that…) there is a time N place for some of certain types of self-expression. Right? I might feeeeel like expressing myself by BEing in the most natural state. Naked. But can I go to work like that? I think not! Well not if I want to be employed…
Moving right along..What are WE reflecting in our words/actions/dress 2 our children? Hmmmm…for those that feel it is alright to self-express themselves dressed inappropriately! do they not realize their children are WATCHING & LEARNING from them? For any1 that has been a parent for a longggg arse time(and I qualify my eldest is 30 yrs of age…WOW) knows that children learn MORE from what we do; than from what we say. Just IS the way it ’tis..So , for instance. I’ll use me as an example. Don’t I qualify as a hypocrit if I tell my sons do NOT text and drive N yet they catch me doing IT? I stand guilty as charged..I’m queen of texts! I am physically having to break myself from the addiction of texting while driving. I used to have that bad..very. Caught myself several times with my head down when I was still in Cali..texting! That is not just UNcool it is not smart nor is it responsible! We can take that example and insert it into the space available________for a host of things I’m sure of it. But what we can DO is change the negative things. BEginning 2day…but first one has to first admit they can improve. I believeeeeee that is the case with any1 N anything. I have a host of simply outstanding loved ones and friends..and yet NONE of them are perfect. I for sure KNOW I am not perfect(and personally I think if I was I’d be boring but thats another topic for another time…)
Bottom line IS if it matters 2 YOU that you reflect to others what you perceive YOURself as..work on it! Daily. I can personally attest to the fact that it IS possible. I’ve come to the realization that I am not changing who I am(I don’t want to do that) but at almost 50 I am working ON smoooooothing out the rough edges. I’m my own worst critic; always have been. My Daddy has told me that for years & years & years! Toooook all those years for me to realize he was right. Lolll lawd. Now that I’m no longer my own worst enemy (I’m now my own very, very BESTest friend..) I work diligently and consistently on moi. I’m also open to positive criticism from my loved ones/extended family of friends..I’m sensitive! though and they know to give it to me with a spoooonful of sugar. All except for my Daddy. LOL . We all have those people we know are going to be straight-shooters in our lives. Don’t you? Well I do and its my beloved Daddy. When I want to know the down & dirty answer/black with NO sugar/on-the-rocks answer to something; my Daddy is my go-to person. Hands down..I loveeeee that I have that! And that it is someone who loves ME and would kill a rock over me. Yep, he has told me that since I was a very little girl…
I feel if we work on our self image in a positive manner IT can impact every aspect of our lives! Can impact our children. Who we attract as spouses/significant others. The type of job we can land by how we interview & conduct ourselves on the work front. Who we attract as friends…But most important(nope , I can’t leave this out) IF we call ourselves Christians..should we NOT try with-all-our-might to mirror the love & light of our creator???? At the beginning and end of each day that is honestly what I *now* think about when I think of who I am/what I reflect/the words that come out of my mouth/my actions. Real talk…I’m going to leave ya’ll with that as my last expressed thought in this write. As always I hope/pray my “words” have had a positive impact on you in some small way. Stay UPlifted N blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n ONLY)
Aging, Aging gracefully, Birthday celebration, Celebrating life, Enjoying Lifes Journey, Exclamation mark, God, Good health, Home, Learning, Loving life, Making it to 50, Maturing, Over the hump?, Phase (waves), Philosophy, the big 50, Thought, Trying to age gracefully
Any1 who knows/loves me knows I make the BIG 5*0 this coming July 4th..Yep, firecracker for sure out the gate. N though I’m not yet quite 50 yrs old I’m ready 2 talk about the anticipation of making IT. Almost there should qualify me as able to speak on it or least thats the way I see IT. Another 1 to stay tuned for N it will be well worth the wait..~Coming Soon but not soon enough..~Alright I’m back! N going to let the words/my vibe flow..
Listening to Quincy Jones Ultimate Collection & for younger folks reading this that translates to REAL MUSIC..Hope ya’ll go retro sometimes with your music selections 2 truly enjoy how gooood music used to be. But anywayz onto the topic at hand. I’m going to try to properly express why I (a) HATE when I hear the term@50 is the new 40s or even 30s(what the heck?) (b) why knocking on 50 yrs of age doesn’t suck.
WHY is it that people simply can’t enjoy the NOW? As IF being in the “right here N now” is a bad thing! Oh, but how I’ve personally evolved(and am still evolving..) since my 20s. Lawd only knows! (as do my parents /loved ones/including 2 friends who have known me for 20 plus years) For I cried, literally, the entire day of my 29th birthday. As If somehow that was going to stop me from turning 30. I felt such a sense of loss leaving my 20s behind…and yet now? I wonder with awe how I could’ve been so terribly naive and afraid of aging. Now? I’m doing my very DA*Mdest to age with grace…gently gliding into the next phase of my life journey. 50! An entire 5 decades older. Half a century…WOW. When I was in my teens 30 was OLD. When I was in my 20s 40 was OLD. Now that I’m on the very doorstep of 50..it just IS. Its not OLD. Its not over-the-hill either(hate that phrase too!) It simply just IS the next phase I’m moving onto. The things that I cherish now are the very same things I took for granted in my 20s..I’m more appreciative of simple things now. Like the mere fact BOTH of my parents are alive N well. I am STILL 2 this day learning from my parents(take note of that younger folks…) As independent-mode-minded as I went crashing out into the outside world from home at almost 20 yrs of age..I! never would’ve thought 1 day I’d stilllll be learning from my parents at dang near 50. Soaking UP their wisdom/experience like one would sopp up gravy with a biscuit(don’t ya’ll do that?? I do…) I’m guessing 1 of the benefits of making it to 50 is learning that one NEVER stops learning. Once-upon-a-time I was naive enough(the audacity of being youthful/young!) to think I knew it ALL. Pfft. Still 2 this day I don’t know it all; and thank God(& my lucky stars) I finally came to that realization.
50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. Period. N yep, big ole exclamation mark. The beauty of making it to 50 is finally feeeeeling the freeeedom to say what I truly feel. Still try to say it with RESPECT(for thats part of my nature..) however, there was a time I was such a people-pleaser(still am in alot of ways) that I’d worry about how they’d feeeel if I said what was really on my mind. NOT anymore. Now? If you don’t want 2 know my true opinion please do NOT ask me a question. An outstanding brother & lifetime friend of mine once taught me”Never ask a question that you don’t want the answer to” Hmmm lets think about that for a minute. WHY do people ask questions yet their hair is blown back when we answer HONESTLY? Don’t they really want to know our thoughts when they ask us a question? Most times I’ve found folks really don’t…But thats their problem; not the person they ask the question of. Or least thats the way I see it now. Personally I’ve learned in my almost 50(yep FIFTY) years is I learn SO much when I ask questions N usually I ask them of people who can give me a sound/experienced answer. I’m thirsty for knowledge still at this age! Its almost as if I’ve reverted back to the primary years in the amount of “stuff” that I am soaking up. From every angle, direction, resource..including from other folks behavior/actions/words. IF there is anything “new” about turning 50 for me it is that . In my 20s & 30s I thought I knew it all so I could’ve honestly cared less to seeeeek others out for knowledge. I felt I was getting that from books..(I’m a lifelong avid reader) How much I thought I knew and in reality knew so little..
Again, 50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. And inofitself that is a beautiful thing! Personally? As fit as I was in my 20s & 30s I feeeeeel better physically NOW then I have in my entire life. And thats a mouthful folks…I might not be able to climb tall mountains; but I dang sure feel like I can! I didn’t reach my peak like some people do in their 40s..I am there right NOW. N I’ve not even reached the top of the wave yet..In surfer-dude terms I’m riding the waveeeeee. And I am attempting to DO all I said I was going to do waybackinmy20s. Finally! 2 be able 2 have finally arrived at that point, this phase, is for me “almost” too overwhelming to even try to describe in words. It IS that good 2 me. I could give some advice now to the younger folks reading this. I could try to explain what they’ve got to loooook forward 2 at 50 yrs of age. But honestly? I feel everyone’s experience is different. As different as we are as individuals so are our life experiences. And how we perceive our life experiences..I will say this. 2 anyone reading this but especially those generations behind me. ENJOY every moment of your life! Realize early on that every single, day! is a gift to YOU from GOD. Don’t take it for granted even though in our youth taking things for granted IS what alot of us do…including me. Listen!/learn/respect your parents always…their love/support will sustain you for LIFE. Remember as you become parents that parenthood is a LIFElong committment. It never ends…And take ALOT of pictures of your children when you bear children..for they’ll grow faster than you want them to. GET your education so that you’ll be armed to support yourself and your dreams. Surround yourself always with people you admire/respect/have good morals/make sound judgements. Walk away from people who yearn to pull you down or away from your goals. Gain an early knowledge/regard/honor to the Father that created YOU. And sustain that relationship throughout your entire life. It is the ONE relationship in your life you can’t do without..N last but not least LOVE,LOVE,LOVE and LOVE hard and deeeeply! Starting with YOURself..for love is the true meaning/basis of what life on this earth is about. Or least that is my most sincere and heartfelt feelings on that matter..
Finally 50 is 50. Its a beginning of a different phase of life for me. A phase I’m very cognizant of N that I look 4ward to with the energy N joy of a small child on CHRISTmas morning! If there is anything new about turning 50 it is my new appreciation of every facet of life. I’m looking back alot less these dayz. Looking backwards will cause one to fall down N I’ve no intention of doing anything except standing firmly and moving ONward and UPward. I’ve yet 2 reach the max of my God given purpose. I’m far from finished..When I do reflect on the past 5 decades I reflect on the beautiful memories! The THREE beautiful, Black, young , gifted, intelligent, artistic, brothers I helped to create & co raise. My Black Princes for life…I reflect alot on their smiling childish faces, their 1st steps!, their 1st haircut, teaching them how 2 drive, studying with them till wee hours of the morning hours, watching them play an array of sports, attending PTA meetings for their success/joining school boards for their success/watching them play in bands/watching them accept honor roll awards yr after yr after yr/experiencing their mishaps WITH them/listening to their 1st love stories/driving them 2 their 1st college and having to leave them there..OMG that was tough for me../watching them with PRIDE graduate from high school and college after college after college..progress!..50 is 50 for a reason. To begin anew & fresh and leave the bad memories behind. Finally! To take all the lessons we learned from our mis-steps and realize God 4gives all mistakes and actually doesn’t call them mistakes. I think he calls them…LIFE. I can’t speak for anyone else that is 50 but for me I’m living my dreams N loving my life. Every single minute of it…I wish I could bottle this feeling UP and give it to others. I can’t. But I can share of me with my words…and I hope my words have made someone else’s day a little bit better . Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)
Acts of kindness..Thoughtful acts done for strangers ..Anonymous gifts 2 those in need..Gifts given 2 friends in need that won’t ask for it ..I recently did something for someone and felt really good about it! Something they thanked me for profusely when I told them their wish had been granted..It wasn’t even something that took me great effort other than 2 ask a favor of someone else I hold in great regard/respect..Then just now I saw something on the news, a good story for once!, about a policeman who bought a pair of boots & gave them to a homeless person in need(someone he ran across often & knew needed boots) Brought on this line of thought…
Do NOT think before acting on thoughts you have of spreading gooooodNESS..just go with the flow. For often we can talk ourselves out of doing such things! So when you see a homeless person with a sign that says need money, do NOT think or worry they’re running scam, just GIVE what you can! For who knows you just might be providing them with the only meal they’ll eat that day. When you physically see/hear of someone you know/love that is in need of something, do NOT think it out, just GIVE what you can! When you have an opportunity to help someone at work by doing a little extra, do NOT think, just GIVE of your extra time to help them out! When it comes time to donate time/money for families in need(Thanksgiving/Christmas or any time) do NOT think, just GIVE freely of your time and what you can monetarily! The list could go on N on but the point has been made…Do NOT give expecting a thank you or reward; give freely from your heart. It comes so naturally from mine I don’t even stop to think nor can I resist the urge to give…It has been said(another old priceless adage..) that when one gives freely they receive back TEN fold. I can hold my hand UP high as a testament that that is very true…I’ve been blessed and I am blessed.
I do hope that sharing this flow of thoughts moves some1, anyone!, out there 2 give freely to someone in need. Just knowing that my words could possibly make that happen gives me great JOY. Have a wonderful , blessed day full of love N laughter..4ever Sincere the 1 N only, Berna
art, Carlos Fuentes, God, Learning from life experiences, Learning from lifes lessons, Life journey and lessons learned, The ITCH to write can't be resisted, What motivates a writer, Why writers write, Word, Writer, Writers Resources, Writing, Writing and also reading it oneself, Writing Exercises, Writing to encourage others
Ya’ll ever wonder what drives a writer to…write? I can only speak for this aspiring life long writer. But first let me quote a couple people who are infamous for their thoughts on this topic. ” Writing is …a struggle against silence” Quote by Carlos Fuentes. ” And Oprah has a quote , that I can’t find the exact words to right now, but it goes something like this..’Be careful what words are uttered from your mouth or what you WRITE. For the 1st person to hear/see what you say/write is YOU; so don’t limit your ceiling by uttering/thinking anything but positive things..” I tend to heed or try to learn from people that I admire/respect N Oprah certainly falls into that category for me. I wrote something yesterday that moved me to write this piece..What did I write? I wrote these very words while I was writing something very deeeeeep to someone I care deeply for. “Thank you for reading my vent; for when I write to you(or to anyone ) I’m speaking to myself probably just as much as I’m talking to you” WOW ..Not sure about other writers but often more than not I’m shocked sometimes by my OWN flow of thought as I let it flow from the pen or my finger-strokes. I honestly had never realized those very words until I’d..typed them. Mayhaps its because I type so very fast. (about 98 wpm) Mayhaps its because I’ve been writing SO long(since I was a young child) that I’ve forgotten the actual reasons that I..write. It is such a part of who I am and that I just do it; that I’d not stopped to think about the whys. It is simply something I love to do. Even more than talking! N those who know and love me know I loveeeeeeee 2 talk. Ever these dayz on a quest of fully knowing “self” I’ve pondered the above statement since making it. I realize now that writing is very N totally therapeutic for me. Especially as I write on topics that I’m pulling from my personal lifelong experiences…Often as I do that trying to encourage someone else or motivate them by sharing; I actually relive N feeeeeeel the emotions/feelings of the experience I’m explaining! Quite often I feel emotionally..spent after writing on those topics. I can’t explain it any other way. And yet more-often-than-not after I’ve written something that I know I’ve said “well” the feeling after writing it is close to ..euphoric. A type of euphoria I’ve not yet in 49 yrs experienced the same type of wonderful feeling from(different levels of joy I’ve experienced but not the same..) Thus is one of the main reasons I write. 2 -repeat-that-same-feeling-and-to-always-strive-to-reach-higher-N-higher-levels-of -that-euphoric-feeeeeeling. It feels that GOOD to me. And as I’ve said before, but I’ll say it one more time, the need within me to touch others in a positive way from my written word is something I can not fight or resist. Took me many moons to come to the realization that my God given purpose was/is to “attempt” to “touch others in a positive ways via spoken N written words…by sharing my personal life experiences. I’ve come to believe N feel it is the primary reason I’m still standing. Intact physically and with the majority of my marbles still up there. There is an inner child inside of all of us. And that inner child, the very core of who we are, remains consistent even though we evolve and mature. Or least this is my belief. My inner child needs to be stroked , alot! Needs to be told they’re appreciated. Needs to feeeeel loved. Needs to know what she does is productive and useful. Needs to know she’ll never be alone or abandoned. She is me. N I am her..I am she. I’ve recently become her very, very best friend. I now try to “fulfill” her “needs” myself. Which is what I’ve come to believeeeee is the way its supposed to be. It is called Self Love..loving one self from the inside out. Makes one glow! I am finally there..and in doing so a person, in this case me, doesn’t look to others to fulfill those needs. Anything else gained from others in fulfilling those needs is..extra. A bonus! What I wish for other young girls/teen/women reading this is that you possibly learn from my “words” 2 do the same…for you. Why? Because it will mean that you won’t constantly reach out to others, and sometimes others that aren’t good for you, to fulfill those needs. Think about that for a minute for that is a heavy statement. Always when I write and share what I’ve written , AFTER I’ve written I wonder how it will be received. And yet once I release it from my possession. Once I push submit online I feel a sense of ..release. I hope these “words” of mine have touched you reading it in a positive way. I hope you can feel the sincerity in what I’m trying to express…Stay UPlifted N stay blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 N only)
First & foremost sending out sincere wishes 2 my family/mi familia/coworkers/friends/extended family of friends a beautiful, loving, relaxing, fun, & BLESSED Thanksgiving! Woke UP as usual @ O’dark thirty(a Bernaism ..) feeling full of energy, excited, and eager to start the day..As I’ve stated before each N every day has become for me a totally new adventure..I feel like I’m a child on Christmas morning and leap! out the bed ready to run down the stairs to unwrap presents..Remember those days ya’ll? Blessed I am with an excellent memory I can still remember that FAR back…I feel compelled to share what I’m about to say for 2 reasons: 1. To give thanks to my God , again, in a public forum thereby adding to the sincerity of my gratitude 2. To hopefully encourage someone else to STOP for a moment and count their blessings as well.
The truly ironic thing about this is that just a mere 4 years ago..I’d not have stopped to count my blessings nor even recognized my blessings. Which in-of-itself means you can at this very moment begin to “change” so that you can also “see” your blessings N give thanks. What better day to begin than on this day of Thanksgiving? Anywayz fast forwarding to the message I’d like to share..a very BIG blessing that recently happened in my life. I tell ya’ll when God’s hand is IN a situation in our lives he does things in a BIG way. And it is my belief that we/one must acknowledge/give God his props/and be N act thankful. Period. Exclamation point.
About 3.5 months ago I was BLESSED with a JOB that I not only love..but I’ll go as far as to say it is the BEST career opportunity I’ve ever had. Hands down..and I’ve held/had some really good jobs ya’ll. But this one stands at the #1 spot. Many of ya’ll out there know people who actually LOVE what they do from 8 -5?? If a poll was taken right now how many would hold their hand UP? I’m not talking about just loving the salary/benefits. I’m not talking about just loving working in a beautiful environment. Nor am I talking about loving vibing with or working well with coworkers. What I’m talking about is LOVING every single aspect of what one does as a means of self-support for 40 hours a week. What I honestly love the most about my job is knowing without a shred of doubt that what I “do” every day at work..is helping to improve clients lives in a positive/progressive manner. I never even knew how much that meant to me..until I was BLESSED ..with this position. And the ironic part about it all? I knew nothing of the position when I applied online. Nor did my church sister who mentioned to me I might want to check out the organization’s website for “possible” openings. So I did. And on the very same day I went online at approx 2 pm…the position was closing at 5 pm! Wowww. So anywayz I submitted my resume & filled out the online application. For a position I knew nothing about! Real talk folks…For an organization I “thought” I knew what it stood for(I’ve since learned it stands for FAR more than I knew prior) Fast forwarding…out of alot of applicants there was a final top 3. I was the runner UP out of the 3. Now I never aspire to be anything but number ONE..but this time it paid off for me being #2. For reasons unbeknownst(not a Bernasim but love being able to use this word!) to me after being chosen. And after showing interest in being chosen. #1 choice all of a sudden poof! just didn’t come through. WOW. After I’d been told I didn’t have the position all of a sudden I was called and asked if I’d come in to begin the screening process. (which consisted of a full background check, full Lifescan & criminal history check,drug testing) Well my hair was blown back! I’d just licked my wounds over not being #1 and not being chosen…So of course I said I’d love to come in and do that! And I kid you not I almost ran from place to place over a span of 3 hrs to get it all done quickly as possible . And here I sit 3.5 months later in a position I didn’t think I had & a position that I wasn’t the #1 pick for..but that I now feel I was THE perfect choice for. Wowwww.
This is just one example of things happening in my life lately in which I’ve learned that..When something is for YOU it will happen. Regardless of how much it looks like it..won’t. It will! Now some out there might say it just happened to work out for me…But I don’t believe that! I believeeeee God’s hand was in it. Period. Exclamation point. And though its already been near 4 months I am STILL giving thanks N props to my God. I think that is important. Or least it is in my world these dayz..So on this Thanksgiving Day I want to say one ‘mo time. THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH MY JOB! And also thank you for the other many blessings in my life now and for allll the times that I did not give you the glory. Because now that I “see” with clarity with my spirit instead of trusting only what my eyes see it has changed my entire walk. For now every day I feeeeeel like I’m walking on air. And yet I am still staying grounded…
If I may ask all of ya’ll to STOP for a moment today. Try to find a quiet place in the house. Close your eyes. Speak with your heart/spirit and call upon the Holy Spirit. Conjure UP thoughts of allll the loved one in your life, allll the friends who grace your life with gooooodness & positive words, alll the coworkers who help you to feel welcome and/or to do your job better, allll the people you encounter while handling business affairs or shopping that offer customer service(rare these days but it still exists..) , allll the strangers who give off such a good vibe when you meet them they become instant dear friends/confidants..Just take a moment 2 recognize, acknowledge that God brought them into your world and then..Give God the glory and the sincere THANK YOU that is deserved.
Again ya’ll have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family/friends..N remember to count your blessings 2day and every, single day. Sincerely, Berna(the 1 N only)
*Disclaimer: I am not in any form or fashion advising to reach out N touch strangers…Nor is it something I practice on a regular basis; actually far from it! But for the sake of recanting this very true story I’ve included what truly happened. Enjoy the read..*
Oh, I am SO happy God blessed me with a life in which events/happenings occur that make it so storytellable!(this word is a Bernaism for those just joining in) Why? Because I enjoy there never being a dull moment. Beyond making* life* colorFUL(N I love color..) it keeps life from being..boring. When one sits and thinks about it every, single day interesting things or conversations happen to all of us..Just a matter of how we look at it, right? Isn’t it said also, a very old adage, that we live N learn every day? Or we are supposed to(says who?) or we aren’t really living life to the FULLest. Hmmmm..let that sink in for a minute.
So anywayz last week I bought a new car. N for the record I simply could not love it more..The car deal I finally closed on was a 3.5 day experience full of alot of ups N downs virtually speaking & on the phone with a person I never laid eyes on until the evening I went to pick my car up. The connect was found online by my very own Daddy & I took it from there..N though this isn’t the first new car I’ve purchased it is the very first time I’ve hung on past the first offer I liked(advice from my Daddy) I was ready to say SOLD after the first grrrreat deal the internet salesman offered me. Mayhaps I am the typical woman buyer (sucker) salesmen love to deal with. Mayhaps I am just naive and take people based on their “word”..whatever the case waiting for the 5th offer (and the BEST) from the salesman was an experience I really don’t want to relive anytime soon. Ever if I can help it. Ugh , yuck, and OMG I went through a rollercoaster of emotions & frustrations in the many emails, texts, and conversations with my salesman. By the time we met in person the night me and my Mom went to pick the car up I felt emotionally..spent. I had not even seeeeen the car I had decided on & was going to sign the paperwork to buy. The deal was so sweeeet I couldn’t wait to fast forward with the day to get to my car. Color absolutely RED . I love it. I wanted to rush to sign the paperwork before for some reason the salesman realized how incredible the deal was N changed his mind(because there was very minimal profit for him in the deal) So finally signed the final, jeeeez a ton of paperwork, paper. Walked outside on the lot to drive off in my car and when I saw it..emotions just swept over me in a wave of uncontrollable joy. WOW I had a sweeeet deal and was going to drive off in this oh, so cute, absolutely red car! I struggled for a minute whether to hug my Mom or the salesman. Or both. N though I knew how hard this man had worked for this deal, and had a TON of patience with alll the questions(my questions had questions!) I’d asked N confronted him with over 3.5 days..he was still a stranger to me. Comfy as we’d gotten on the phone still until this night I’d never laid eyes on him before. I didn’t know him at all …And yet before I could stop myself I’d run over to him and hugged him! OMG Not a full body embrace but still a hug. And I think he was shocked for a moment; but then he hugged me back. Briefly we connected. Fast forward to after I got home about an hour later…
My cell rang N it was my salesman..Oh crap! Did he realize he wasn’t going to make a penny from the deal and wanted my car back?? I almost didn’t answer my phone. But I did…N he said “You know I had a really, really tough day day. Been up since O-dark thirty. And all I had to eat 2day was a bowl of cereal about 7 am and then got to work about 830 am..you arrived at almost 6pm. About midway 2day I got a call from someone from back home. My very best friend, since childhood died today. And all day long I dealt with those feelings, plus sold 4.5 cars, your car was the half car cause the deal profits you more than I. And all day no one really made me feel comforted from my loss..until you hugged me. A total stranger. And I just need you to know how much I neeeeeeded that on this day! And thank you for such acts of kindness are rare. If there is anything you feel I can ever do for you please don’t hesitate to call me…”
Wowwww how can a simple hug, that I had struggled to even offer, mean so much to a…stranger? But then again is not human touch essential to us all just as sunshine is necessary for plants to grow? Are we not blessed with hands to..touch? Why are some so hard-pressed on the simplest of gestures as a hug ? Is it NOT natural to want to connect with other people ? Weren’t some of our best friends once…strangers? Hmmmm Well this is the way I see IT. It is normal to touch. That is why I feel it is SO important to embrace babies and continue to do so as they grow up. It is a normal human reflex that is often taught and sometimes come from within..the need to be touched. I have encountered people in my life journey who feel odd when touched. I was raised being hugged, kissed and my Mom held hands with my brother and I whenever we went places. To me touch is..normal. After 50 years of marriage my parents stillll to this day hold hands often when they go places. Seems so normal to me I don’t question it. To me touch is..normal. So normal to me to touch in a positive way I never could find it possible to discipline my 3 sons with physical harm. Just doesn’t seem right to me..to touch someone in anger. What IF we could start a movement? A Touch Someone in a Positive Way Day! Not in a sexual way . But a simple hug. A light touch of their arm as you speak.( I speak with my hands anyway LOL..it is my way) A gentle kiss in the middle of an arguement with a lover(try that it will immediatly END the arguement if your partner is human) On my mission to spread LOVE and warmth and a positive vibe this is but one element to add. And oh how beautiful it would be to know that anyone, someone, out there feeeels the same way. This world needs more laughter. This world needs more positive touch. This world needs more LOVE. And its my inherent belief that one person can begin a movement. One person can start a momentum to move mountains..All major movements/events began with a dream someone had that it could happen. I hope sharing my story has in some way “touched” your day in a positive way. Have a fabulous Sunday and remember to count your blessings 2day and every , single day. Sincerely, Berna(the 1 N only)
Good Monday Morn Church Family/Family/Mi Familia/Friends/Extended family of friends..I know I promised to not post anymore new topics till next week..and I won’t..after this one. On this beautiful morning IF you saw a Sista with a bright orange shirt and work out pants on brisk fast walking pace with bright purple earplugs in her ears N an Iphone clasped in her right hand singing loudly with joy as she walked down a very busy major street you should’ve waved N I’d have waved back! Anywayz this topic came to me as I was on my morning walk. AND I am going to go with the flow and let the vibe just flow..for I simply can not resist the itch to write N share N hopefully impact someone out there reading this that is presently..going thru a tough , dark time in their life journey…
It is probably evident by now as you read me..that I march to the beat of a different drummer. I readily admit and own that fact. Yet there was a time when I felt that being “different” was a very bad thing. I felt alone..like on an island. Tried to fit my “square ” Self..into social circles that were”round”. Afraid to speak my opinion for fear of being laughed at or worse totally IGnored. REjected. Now? I care less, honestly, what folks think about who I am, what I am, or where I have been. I am secure in the fact that its been revealed to me, over a lifetime, of not “seeing” signs/confirmations..what “my” God given purpose IS. And I am on a mission to fulfill it and reach the fullest level of it with every ounce of my being. I am SHE~ N ~ it is personal…
For those that are reading this that are currently going thru a difficult , dark time N feel you are alone pleaseeee let me assure you ..you are never, ever alone! And I have been in your shoes. Let my past life experiences and my words be a testimony to convince you that you WILL get thru to the other side of how you feel at this very moment in time. Just hang ON. Try to be still N listen to the signs/confirmations that are before you. Sometimes the hardest things in life to “see”are the very things right before our eyes/ears. Know always you are a LOVED child of God N if you call on him , pray!, he will bring you comfort to ride thru the wave of the “dark” times. For some of us this can take many, many moons..like me. But God sent me SO many angels in my life journey thus far that it became impossible for me NOT to see, recognize and give glory to where it was coming from…And when it hit me??? It hit me with such full force that it almost took my breath away. And now? I find myself testifying (which I NEVER thought I’d do!) N praying(OUT LOUD even which is a remarkable turn-about for me..) with words flowing from my lips that I didn’t even know I felt..until the words come out. Real talk.
As a passionate music lover(not much I do without listening to music..) these Joss Stone words from a song called Bruised but not Broken (I’ve lived thru these words also) come to mind regarding this topic: “Gonna pick my heart UP/Take MY life back/Shake the hurt away/Pull mySELF 2gether, put the pieces back into place/I learned love’s so hard/Love left my SOUL scarred/I was shattered inside”…N after many years of living a life using my “own will” and not following God’s lead/will I finally, yep finally!, realize that as Jill Scott says it best how “Blessed” I am!
N last but not least these words come to mind as I try , with all my might, to further convince you that you’ll be alright ….These words from one of my fave artists on the planet@ Marvin Sapp. A song called , I never would’ve made IT:”I would have LOST my mind a long time ago/If it had not been for YOU/I AM STRONGER/I AM WISER/NOW I AM BETTER!/So much better/I made it thru MY storm & my test/Because YOU were there 2 carry me thru MY mess..
I say all of this to remind you to get to a point of “stillness & quiet” . Make a time every day to give yourself time to find that. God talks to us in quiet times. No boob tube on. No cell phone on. No music on. No incoming faxes. No other voices talking. One just has to be open N LISTEN. And usually that will mean doing things that one does NOT want to do! I speak this from my soul N my spirit. I have very much beeeeen there. Listening to HIM might mean at a ripe age moving back home after not having lived at home since one was 19 yrs of age; can you imagine that??? I stand here as a testament that doing things like that can make one finally, yep finally!..bring one to feeling totally complete. Real talk…so never, ever give UP. Hang ON and you’ll get thru the troubled, dark and difficult times. Stay lifted, Stay encouraged N Stay blessed. Sincerely from the depths of my soul, Berna(the 1 N only)
*I’ve got a lot stored UP that I’m ready to open for discussion so I hope ya’ll can keeeeep up with me..I promise this is the last new topic from me for a bit N I’ll jump into each listed topic this week dropping my thoughts. THIS is one of my fave topics so sit back & get comfy.
There was a time I had 2 deal with a very, very difficult person on a regular basis. N a mentor advised me to remember that Iron sharpens Iron. What the heck was that supposed to mean?? Give me something that can help me deal with this horrid woman! Yep, it went right over my head..However, anyone who knows quite a bit from the Bible(which at the time I didn’t..) knows this phrase come from Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” At the time I didn’t realize how many adages/sayings we use come straight from the Bible! What my mentor was trying to gently tell me is to USE the experience of dealing with such a difficult boss to my advantage. And isn’t that what we should do in any situation we “feel” is bad?@ Try hard to find the good in it? Or the lesson we can learn from it? Hmmm. So anywayz “there is a mutual benefit in the rubbing of 2 iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut N slice.
Lets take this in another direction since this is after all Sunday and many of us have attended Chuch 2day…”likewise the Word of God is a double edged sword(Hebrews 4:12) and it is with that we are to sharpen one another ~ in times of meeting, fellowship, or ANY other interaction. Wowww think about that @ any other interaction..Doesn’t this mean that as Christians this proverb indicates there is a neeeeed (or should be) for constant fellowship with one another? Could this be why we’re always so excited to see old friends after having been away? Could this be why we’re so excited to see one another at Church after not seeing each other for a week? Could this be the main point of the argument to support “why its important not just to BELIEVE in God but to gather at Church to worship together? ..I feeeel this is an important topic 2day because so many youth have either left the Church or were never properly introduced to Church by their parents…Believe it or not there was a time in my life when I felt I didn’t need to go to Mass. Yep, I confess. I was a pew parishioner from time2time when it was convenient for my schedule. And now??? Lawd, some weeks I’m trying to fast-forward to get to choir practice on Saturday N Sunday Mass! I feeeel like it is the fuel I need to gas UP for the upcoming week..its that important to me now. For the first time in my 49 yrs I’ve fallen in love with a church. My church.The PEOPLE that make up the church. Where everyone is someone…If that turn-about can happen to me; it can certainly happen to anyone. I’m going to open this topic up for discussion..Hope ya’ll have a topic relevant story to share N tell. African roots has is its very foundation the story telling aspect from elders to the youth..Remember the youth are watching us always N I hope they’re reading this* Lets rap..
*All to often , actually majority of the time ,I am my toughest critic! In my quest to reach my potential I finally acknowledge I’ve got to love myself completely before..I can be fully ready to receive the love from a man I so crave N desire. Coming soon is my love letter to myself affirming the things I DO like about myself instead of the ever-growing list of things I’m working 2 improve upon. I’ve come to believe, at this phase of my lifes’ journey that in order to move forward its NOT normal to be so hard on ones’ self..Its taken me many moons to “see” the good things about Self..that others so easily see. This love letter has a 2fold purpose= a form of an “out loud” affirming chat with Self(so much more therapeutic than just “thinking” thoughts) N to also share with others a way to also get to know/explore themselves. Having said all of that this still isn’t an easy letter to pen. So I’m taking my time. Its probably the most important letter I’ve written in my entire life. And so very personal. Later on 2day I’ll let the words flow..
~~~~Dearest Self..I do hope you accept that this letter is so long overdue. I’d like to attempt to wrap my arms around you with my words. Ever hopeful also that my words rain down like warm liquid love. For its taken many moons for sure but finally, yep finally, I love YOU. I’ve taken a couple of days to make sure I get this list complete N with utmost sincerity. I keep hearing over N over how special you are and I think these are the reasons why thats true:
YOU are very strong yet so honestly vulnerable..N that vulnerable quality makes you very sincere
YOU are honest to a fault at times..but its your honesty that makes you so trustworthy
YOU are very, very kind..N it just comes naturally which is indeed rare these days
YOU are determined as a bull and when on a mission you’re ..relentless
YOU are many “ables”..lovable N adorable are 2 that first come to mind
YOU are soooo funny, clumsy!, and often quite silly
YOU are very intelligent…N worthy of the Masters’ degree you’ll be again seeking Spring of the upcoming year(yea!)
YOU are witty N have a ton of book smarts..thats important!
YOU have no street smarts..which makes you still have a bit of innocence about yourself
YOU are reliable N trustworthy..makes you an excellent worker bee N a great friend/confidant
YOU are multifaceted..means you’re never a bore to yourself or others
YOU are sexy N downright sassy at times..N it is a natural part of your personality not fake
YOU are a fabulous dancer! wowwwww
YOU are quick to admit when you’re wrong..proud of you for this took many years to learn
YOU are a very, very loving/nuturing Ma,Moms,Momma..the fact there is nothing you’d not do for your 3 Black Princes is AWESOME
YOU are full of life, love N laughter..your laughter comes naturally from the inside out
YOU have remained standing even after going thru, under, N over some back-breaking/mind altering experiences..learned to buckle but not to fall down N to dust self off and not give completely UP
YOU have finally learned humility..and thats a beautiful thing to have seen happen
YOU are so very compassionate…this is another rare quality these days
YOU are a genuine loving daughter! …this comes so naturally to you and its simply beautiful
YOU are not afraid to still strive forward to reach your goals/dreams
YOU have worked hard to re-invent self…keeping the good parts N leaving behind what was self-defeating which isn’t easy
YOU are becoming the person you knew long ago you could BE and I am proud of US..oh how long it took to say N feel that
YOU are sensitive N emotional…realness begins with these 2 attributes
YOU are becoming the type of person you’ve always admired when seeing these qualities in others
~I look forward with great anticipation of meeting the person YOU will B when you reach the highest level of your God Given Purpose..
I LOVE YOU
**…I was going to write this morning about tomorrow’s election..About how excited I am for it to be
OVER and the last ballot counted..So I can do my own special victory dance and yet its Monday
morning and I really do NOT want to start off the week amping myself UP to a frustrated state. And
though I might start off calm its gotten to be such a personal topic for me I just can’t this morning. If
you have ever had butterflies in your tummy in anticipation of something multiply that times 1000
and that is what is going on inside me as I look forward to tomorrow..Just can’t explain it any other
way. So anywayz moving along an outstanding brother I know in Cali made a gentle(he’s known me 25 yrs & knows I’m sensitive)
suggestion yesterday that mayhaps I should shorten my commentary. When I blog. When I talk. When I free flow creatively in my poetry
expressions. Hmmmm He said he loves reading what I’ve written but he hates reading! I adore
positive critiques..and I’m already working on brevity. I am after all still a work in progress. And I’ll
work on being briefer in my commentaries..but I can’t promise to make my poetry briefer. Its ONE
of the rare times in my life that I feel totally uninhibited by what I say or feel..and when I release it
from my mind to pen(or keyboard) I can’t nor won’t control it.
Having said that I know that alot of us need UPlifting words of encouragement..some of us more
than others. Its been said that even smiling at someone can brighten their day…Its my belief that
positive things are rare things these days. From the stories we hear on the News to the themes I see
coming out in movies & songs. I hate to sound like a collection of cliches..but I seriously think the
world needs more LOVE and positiveee things in it. When did things become so dark??? IF I see
one more vampire movie released I think I’ll scream! IF I hear one more song on the radio about
love & the woman is talking about accepting being the 2nd or 3rd woman in a man’s life I’ll scream!
When did all of this become acceptable in our society?? What we need to realize, and what I’ve
realized for ME personally, is that anything we intake(whether its what we eat, hear or see) that it
negative has an impact on US. Period. If one is serious about being in a state of happiness..they
must limit negative intake. Depression is a serious issue in our country. I can’t tell you how many
people I’ve run across in my life time that are taking some form of medicine for depression. And
they can’t get OFF the meds for fear of their behavior if they don’t…thats serious folks. Me
personally? I don’t care to intake any medicine for anything. Its a personal thing…I don’t want to
have to be dependent on anything that isn’t natural. Or that if I don’t take it can make me behave
differently. Many of my loved ones know I gave up drinking socially for that very reason almost 9
yrs ago.(also diet pepsi, which I love!) And I’m working on giving up coffee..been slipping with that
lately though. What I am hooked on now is sending positive vibes with my words…Whether its
from my lips. Or my fingertips..I recently told someone if I can’t say anything positive to them
…then I’ll be silent! Hmmm well anyone who knows me already knows its a rare moment when I’m
silent. Ask my Mom…Ask my Daddy..Ask my sons/friends/coworkers..thats another thing I’m
working on. But the point here IS(yep, I’m getting there..) Its tough these days with SO much
darkness going on around us to remain positive N encouraged. Lately people ask me alllll the time
how do YOU stay so upbeat N positive? Real talk..truth IS I work on it every , single day! No lie..I
have to. Because if I don’t than I can get caught UP in all the negativity being constantly N
consistently uttered out in this life. And I refuse to do that..any longer. This past 2 yrs I made a
promise to myself to DO better and to BE a better person. To reach the max of what my purpose in
this lifetime is. To reach the max of what I was created to BE…My God Given Purpose. And I am on
serious, and I mean serious mission to achieve IT. And I know to other people it sounds crazy. But I
do NOT care. And thats why I can remain positive even though I am not yet at the point I set out to
reach when I first left home at almost 20 yrs of age(thats a long time ago folks..) But the goooood
news IS I know I am on track to get there! I can feeeel it. Its like a momentum built up in me that I
can’t nor will I stop…and I want to share the feeling. I wish I could bottle it up and give it away. But
thats not possible. All I can do is share it with one of my God given abilities..my words. Spoken or
written. Light spreads. Positive words spread and lift people UP. We alll need that. I neeeed that. I
find myself at this phase of life cringing when I’m around people who speak negativity on a
consistent basis. It brings me DOWN. And it took a long, long time for me to come to that
realization. We have to grow to know ourselves..which is something I’m watching my sons do now.
Learning themselves..and I’m trying to teach them and more importantly SHOW them how to do
that…Ever had a person tell you to stay UPlifted or be encouraged N yet they seem miserable????
Isn’t the best way to show someone anything by actually demonstrating IT? Living it. Doing it.
Being it..And that is what I think a big part of what life is about for us as humans.
We are put here to be a reflection, a mirror image, of God’s LOVE. Spreading positive messages
when possible. Because we must realize that just as words can make someone’s day; words can
also bring someone DOWN. This has become so important to me these days. In the past 365 days I
can count on ONE hand how many days I experienced that I just felt in a BAD moooood. And that
being factual is nothing short of a MIRACLE. I used to have alot of back2back bad mooood days.
I’ve experienced days N experiences sooo dark that when I even think about them now it can bring
me to tears…literally. But I’m still standing. And I feeeeel so alive and looking forward to the future
with the apprehension of a small child; yet with lifes’ experiences of a grown woman. I can’t
explain it any other way. And I’ve come to the realization that my God given purpose is to spread
my inner joy, my inner glow, my inner new found FIRE with others..in words and actions. I’m a
loved child of God and not shamed to say it.Nor more importantly am I any longer afraid to reach
higher to be IT. And thats such a very big accomplishment for me. If this can happen to me; it can
certainly happen to ANYONE. Thats the positive message I’d like to leave you with to start this week
off. Be encouraged. Stay uplifted..we must also help each other be encouraged and to always look
for the sunny side UP. Its my belief that this feeling/message can spread like wildfire…
Single Sista’s Anthem(Message to my younger Sistas)*An Original Berna Creation*
Alright ya’ll I’m amidst your ranks so don’t get angry nor mad
But I’ve got a few things to say I collected on my mental notepad..
Notes I saved along the way of lifes’ journey for myself
Dusting them off N taking them down from the shelf
N its about high time
2 lighten it UP by rhyme
Which is what I do best
So let me address..
While I can’t agree with all Steve Harvey wrote about..
Though it made for an excellent read no doubt(yep , I read it)
I have to admit he did indeed make *some* good points
N to some of you what I’ve got to say might disappoint
But 1 must stay true 2 themselves at the end of the day
I sincerely now believe what I’m about to lay down & say
WE can often send very mixed messages to our brothas
Wanting a husband yet we all to often accept a role of a lover
Have we forgotten what our Dads taught us long ago about getting free milk from a cow??
When a man won’t wait for our “treasure” our response should be …ciao!
And yet we think we can change him all the while knowing its not so
One day we look UP and wonder where did all the precious years go..
As we waited relentlessly for a frog to change into a Prince
Until we no longer have even got ourselves convinced..
The beauty of life is each day brings all of us a new chance
To re-evaluate our position & re-think our stance
Whilst we wait for ‘the one’ to discover us we have to work on US
We must stop throwing our own selves under the bus
The added bonus of being in a state of singleness..a plus
Is time to get our shiiite together.. pardon me if thats too brusk!
A goal of mine is to keep it real with myself N likewise with U
And I’m in a phase of my life where to myself I first vow to be true..
By manipulating nouns N verbs I pray my message is seeping through
Stead of worried only about what a man is bringing to the table
Shouldn’t we be more concerned with making sure our lives are solid..stable?
Lord above gave us all the tools N skills to be fully capable N able
WE rein supreme as the 1st Mother of ALL mankind
Any man who can’t see our attributes has GOT to be blind
“I” once lost myself but now by the Grace of God I’ve found “me”
For 2 yrs now I’ve sworn to celibacy/learning to love ME/and taking time to just BE..
Single by choice and building UP every single part of MY life ..I am finally, finally so FREE
I say to ya’ll with the utmost respect, sincerity N bonded by blood in Sistahood
Love starts from within and only then will a Brotha love us like he should
WE are far much more than a pretty face, curvy hips N big butt
R* E *S *P* E *C *T starts with how one thinks of oneself
Mama taught me long ago even if I only had one dress on the shelf..
Dress for success..So looking my best is 4ever on my mind
Translation: Cover UP your breast N your big behind!
Sexy, doesn’t mean we have to be naked or half nude
Heck in American society that’s still considered CRUDE
One isn’t trying to attract a husband N instead a pimp
My message is clear ..via words I will not ever skimp
Lyrically using every part of the alphabet from A thru Z
Praying with all my might ya’ll are really feeeeling me
As I try to relay my lifes lessons learned the hard way
Trying hard to keep a floodgate of emotions at bay
Hoping my poetic flow can help save a young Sista from wasted years N heartache
For it can often take many moons 2 recover from heart~break
If ya’ll take away nothing more from my collection of mental notes
Let it be said that I tried to infer a lot more than what I actually wrote..
In my heart of hearts I know God created a man who was born to love just ME
When he discovers me he will look upon me with familiarity
He will see my warm inner spirit and soul through my eyes
Cherish me as if he’s won the worlds’ biggest lottery prize
Loyalty won’t be an issue*he’ll be worthy of my trust
He will know that with me communication is a must
What I wish for you is to know/feel these same things
Know that you were CREATED to be loved & adored by a KING
N though I’ve saved this type of love for my very last
I don’t possess a crystal ball nor Alice’s looking glass
Yet I yearn for you to take heed N learn from my past
Strive for YOUR goals and to your dreams stand fast
Everything about you should represent a beautiful Black butterfly
I’m hopeful you’ve read something here that to your life you can apply..
Always love yourself more than even the ‘flyest guy
When he discovers you 2gether you’ll experience the highest of highs(Real Love)
Today I felt as if I’d explode if I went a day longer without voting. I just wanted N neeeeded to get it done N over
with. I’d awakened at O’dark thirty, was already showered N dressed for Mass N alll amped UP..Plus the 2 cups of
coffee I had made me feel like I could literally run to the library to vote..but..instead I tried to patiently wait for
my Mom to get ready. We were going to head to Mass after I voted. Now I don’t know why things happen to me that
are ripe for recanting in a story but I swear anything you read from my fingertips..truly happened. So anywayz I
was standing in line outside of the library. As I said I was all amped UP and kept trying to peek over the heads in
front of me to see if the line was moving. It wasn’t. I kept mentally attempting to will the line to move cause I
didn’t want my Mom to have to wait on me. But I reallly reallly wanted to vote N get my “I voted” sticker. Done
deal-cast my vote-cause I am sure the line will be even longer during the week after I get off work. So as I was
standing there all of a sudden behind me I keep hearing the name of the “other guy that I’d NOT vote for if he was
the only one on the ballot” Over and over this woman kept saying his name. And LOUD. People started rubber
necking trying to see exactly who this was. I could hear her saying”I am going to buy a so & so shirt just like
Susie’s!” “I can’t wait till so & so wins this election!” and etc etc yada yada. Well I began to feel as if I was hearing
“the other guy’s name moreeee than I’d heard it on the boob tube” And I was sick N tired of hearing it. It took
every ounce of my Christian bearing & physical being not to turn around and say would you shut UP pleaseeeee.
But a. I didn’t want to lose my temper on my way to church! b. I didn’t want to get booted out of the line for
causing a disturbance(as IF her mouth wasn’t one) c. I don’t know how to fight N I didn’t know how sane she
was..So I just started humming to over ride her big mouth. I can’t tell you right now what the heck I was
humming. But I was secretly wishing I had my Iphone headset and I’d have plugged in to my tunes. And then the
line began to move..faster and faster and faster. I could finally see the door of the library. I began to feel
butterflies in my tummy. I could no longer hear the loud woman’s voice behind me. My entire focus was on the
library door. And a guy kept coming out saying 4 more can come in..etc..I was next in line! I was praying for the
minutes to hurry up so my Mom wasn’t waiting forever. I began to get prepared and took out my license and my
voter card. I was ready! 2nd time in my life I’d get to VOTE for President Barack Obama. 2nd time in my lifetime
I’d voted early for a brother. 2nd time in my life I felt as if my life depended on this single VOTE. I could see a
woman coming out of the library. A Sista. And she had Obama buttons allll across the front of her shirt . I didn’t
think that was allowed at a polling place. But boy was I glad to see her! I almost ran up to her & hugged her. She
nodded and smiled. And I nodded and shot her a big koooolaid grin. I had my sample ballot gripped in one hand. I
had my purse slung over my shoulder . I had my license and voter card in my other hand. I was ready. And
then..the woman who was behind me said something. Was like a mosquito buzzing around my ear that I just
wanted to SWAT. I was tired of her yapping. And she said LOUDLY I can’t believeeeee they let her in the building
with allll those Obama buttons on. I mean she was LOUD. The entire line of people froze. The Sista froze. I froze. For
a split second I think that Sista thought about clocking that woman. But we locked eyes and I shook my head.
Wasn’t worth it. And this was no little Sista either she’d have probably laid that woman out flat! She smiled at me
again and rolled her eyes at the woman & left. It was my turn to go in..yeaaaaaaaa. I was feeling all flushed and
eager. I wanted to sprint to my voting booth but there were other people in front of me. Slowwww people. Fast
forward..I walked towards the exit doors after voting and got my **I made freeeedom count I voted sticker!* How
such a small piece of paper could bring me such JOY. My vote was cast. My vote would be counted. There was a
record amount of early voters yesterday(even higher than 2008) and I’m sure there was today also. I was ONE of
them. Made me feel like I’d done something for my sons future, my parents future, my future and YOURS. And
even if your voting experience isn’t as “storytellable”(a Bernaism…a word created by Berna) I do hope you enjoy
voting even half as much as I did..Save yourself some time N have your sample ballot filled out prior to heading to
the polls. Takes 2 mins to fill the form out from your sample ballot. Takes far longer N holds the line up with people
who haven’t even read the ballot. We can’t afford to lose this one. Lets make our guy the 45th President!