Posted in @Cultural, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, ^^Thought Provoking^^

7 LIES We Need 2 Stop Telling About Young African-American(Black) Men by Antwaun Sargent

This is an excellent write & a piece very worthy of a re-blog.. My eldest son forwarded this piece with the simple message@ WE must change the narrative! Enjoy/Learn/Share the facts & not the dismal media & widespread societal myths, 4ever sincere Berna>> (Credit to Youtube for pictures & video clip)

Last week Long Island teenager Kwasi Enin captured national headlines after becoming part of an impressive club: high school seniors who have been accepted into all eight Ivy League schools. However, while many celebrated Enin’s achievement, a bitter minority griped that the teenager had somehow gamed the system. The racial subtext was obvious: Enin couldn’t have actually have gotten into all those schools by himself. Why? Well, because he’s black..

This type of harmful and wholly inaccurate narrative has been constructed around African-American male student achievement for years. Enin is just the latest high-profile example of how it hurts all young men, high school high achievers or not, by implying that the majority of African-American boys are hopelessly behind and may never be able to narrow the achievement gap.

There are, of course, legitimate issues that African-American male students face due to a confluence of factors. But even data that show the more dire aspects of black male achievement do not exist in a vacuum, with researchers misrepresenting or not calculating for the experiences of African-American male students.

The good news is that bright spots like Enin may help raise the profile of America’s African-American young men. However, there is a lot of work to be done, beginning with rethinking the way we use these seven common “facts.”

1. There are more African-American males in prison than college.

African-American men are grossly overrepresented in the penal system; however, there are more African-American males in college than in prison, as of 2011. Howard University professor Ivory A. Toldson found in his research that there are about 600,000 more African-American males enrolled in higher education than are in jail.

This myth has been used by education experts, the media and even the president, despite the fact that over the last decade, African-American boys have largely avoided the “school-to-prison” pipeline.

2. African-American males believe academic achievement means they are “acting white.”

African-American males are not anti-intellectual. In fact, researchers have shown that African-American boys show more positive feelings toward school than do their white counterparts. University of North Carolina professor Roslyn Arlin Mickelson found, “Many black youth and adults express a high regard for education” and that there are a multitude of factors that shape black students’ educational attitudes.

3. Less than 50% of African-American males graduate from high school.

The high school dropout rate for African-American males has actually hit a historic low. According to a 2013 Education Week study, about 62% of African-Americans completed high school in 2010 (the most recent year for which the necessary data was available), compared to 80% of white students. The increase represents a 30% narrowing of the gap between black and white high school students.

Indeed, African-American males are graduating at historic levels. According to the Schott Foundation for Public Education, “In 2009-10 the national graduation rate for black male students was 52%. The graduation rate for white, non-Latino males was 78%. This is the first year that more than half of the nation’s black males in 9th grade graduated with regular diplomas four years later.” At the same time, overall high school dropout rates have fallen steadily since 1990, and there is no indication that the rates won’t continue to fall, given the trend over the past two decades.

4. African-American males don’t go to college.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, from 1976 to 2010, “the percentage of black students [enrolled in college] rose from 9% to 14%. During the same period, the percentage of white students fell from 83% to 61%.”

The Congressional Black Caucus report “Challenge the Status Quo,” meanwhile, found that there are 12.5 million African-American adult males living in America,who make up 5.5% of the total population, and 5.5% of the students on college campuses across America are black male students. The percentage of black male students enrolled in college is proportional to the 5.5% of African-American men college-age or above living in the U.S. today.


5. African-American student-athletes graduate at higher rates than their non-athlete black peers.

Often college coaches boast about how teamwork and sportsmanship translate to academic success. However, according to a University of Pennsylvania report on black male student-athletes in NCAA Division I college sports, 50.2% of African-American male student-athletes graduate within six years, compared to 55.5% of black undergraduate students overall. And the disparity is even larger if black male student-athletes are compared to other student athletes: 66.9% of overall student-athletes graduate within the same six-year period, representing an 11.4% gap between black student-athletes and their teammates.


6. African-American male students have the same opportunities as their peers.

This is an important one, part of the narrative that allows casual racism like the kind experienced by Kwasi Enin. In fact, a recent U.S. Education Department’s 2011-2012 Civil Rights Data Collection survey noted that the American school system treats African-American boys unfairly. African-American male students receive a disproportionate number of suspensions, detentions and call-outs, and have a much higher rate of being expelled from school. In addition, schools attended by African-American males have less access to experienced teachers and advanced placement classes, according to the survey.

At the same time, the Casey Foundation recently found that African-American students face the highest barriers to opportunities. The foundation’s researchers measured success toward 12 benchmarks, including literacy proficiency, rates of employment, income and several other factors. The report concluded that African-Americans. when compared to other racial groups using these benchmarks, fare the worst due to disparities they face from birth.

7. African-American male students are underachievers.

Coded language and misused statistics have constructed this idea that African-American male students are underachievers. But ignoring the fact that some of America’s brightest minds are African-Americans, recent research shows that a lack of critical feedback and demonstrated high expectations is stifling black confidence in the classroom.

In three double-blind randomized field experiments, researchers at the University of Texas found that African-American students improved their grades after having the assignment expectation reinforced by their teachers. These results point out that a cycle of mistrust and lower expectations is a likely culprit in cases of African-American underperformance.

Posted in Black History

Black History Salute(&Future)*Jordan Davis Tribute*60 years is ‘not’ enough

The partial verdict has been decided regarding the murder of Jordan Davis..An un-armed 17-year-old African-American murdered for playing music ‘too loud'(according to his murderer) ; while sitting in a SUV with friends..Three counts of attempted-murder have returned a guilty sentence of more than 60 years..It is my belief that is NOT enough. The fact that the murderer, Michael Dunn, wasn’t convicted on the first-degree murder charge; again sends a message that the life of a Black male in America is worthless..I’m far too passionate about this topic to speak or write too much about it at this time..It’s a very open wound and a band-aid can’t fix it. Not in yesteryears and certainly not now.

What I will say is IF Dunn had minded his own business, not decided is was HIS right to tell anyone to lower their music, and not FELT(& thought!) he could shoot 10 bullets into an SUV with Black male youth in it; Jordan Davis would be alive . TEN bullets shot into a vehicle with unarmed Black youth who were simply listening to music. If the implications of that don’t horrify every parent reading this? Something is truly wrong with society! As a mother of 3 Black sons? It is the type of ish! that keeps me awake at night..I don’t need to watch horror movies(which I don’t; well least not without covering my eyes) with this real-life horror happening. It is my belief the Stand Your Ground Law is equal to the old Jim Crow lynching laws..Dunn said, ” It was a life and death” situation. With that I agree! It was Jordan Davis’s life and it was Jordan Davis’s death.

The future of Black men in America (and all POC, people of color) is necessary, priceless and mandatory. Just repealing the Stand Your Ground Laws(though I feel that is necessary) isn’t enough though..It IS the mindset that must be extinguished.

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

STOP KILLING OUR BLACK MEN

I’ve kept UP with the murder of Jonathon Ferrell..BLACK/24 years old/Worked TWO jobs to put himself through college/Shot DEAD 10 times by a Charlotte police officer in September 2013…Former FAMU student/football had recently transferred schools to be near his fiancé in Charlotte..Shot 10 TIMES by Officer Kerrick after being in a car accident & walking to a near by home for help..Sound familiar??? Yesterday the grand jury decided NOT to indict officer Randall Kerrick..Ferrell had NO weapon & Officer Kerrick claims he was assaulted by UNKNOWN means..The Attorney General’s office is re-submitting the voluntary manslaughter charges..The family of Jonathon Ferrell is ‘skeptical” about getting justice..I don’t blame them! It is target season on Black males in America! I thought long and hard about writing a piece on this, to vent out how I feel about it..Then I ran across a piece by another mother(& a lawyer) that says it ALL & far better than I’m capable of doing..It is highly personal to me..Last year I called all 3 of my Black sons; and begged them NOT to wear a hoodie! THAT IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS; but its true. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m ashamed this is OUR reality in America. I’m dropping the link for the piece Shanikka wrote for The Kos..She wrote it 2 years ago & the senseless, race-incited murders(& NO justice..) are still happening..Until more people stand UP & let it be known this isn’t right; it won’t end. Stop the violence. Make stricter gun laws or BAN them. STOP KILLING OUR BLACK MALES!!!

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/12/02/1166032/-Hey-America-Can-you-please-stop-killing-our-usually-innocent-Black-male-children-now

Posted in **RELIGIOUS**, @Cultural, LOVE, Motivational!, ^Encouraging Words

From BOY to MAN

I simply could NOT pass up re-blogging this write..This young man gets IT

Let's Talk About It

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From BOY to MAN

Living under the roof of a two parent house hold, you learn the value of love. Life as a boy for me was mostly all about learning how to become a man. It’s nothing like having a father figure to help you understand how to walk, talk, treat a lady and firmly shake hands as well as look another man in his eye as respect. Understanding at a young age how to honor God and follow his commandments on top of respecting morals brings an abundance of wisdom and discernment to escape peer pressure and scope out trouble from miles away. Having morals and following his commandments proactively helped me as a boy think with my brain and not with my man hood. If I would have thought with my man hood it could have created issues that could have followed me when I became a…

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Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>>>ShirtLESS Eye CANDY Friday>>>

This is THE Tyson Beckford…The oh! so perfect way to kick off a shirtless eye candy Friday..OMG one of the wonders of the WORLD..At 42 years of age he truly is a sight..Without a doubt eye candy & once again shows that Black don’t CRACK..I believe in taking care of one’s body and aging gracefully too..I’m so happy that Tyson has, does & hopefully always will take care of that body..Lawd! There ought to be a law against looking that GOOD.A work of art for sure! >

So the secret is OUT..I like ’em Big & tall(least 6 ft..I’m 5’4 I want to look UP so far I get an ache in my neck looking up at my man) BLACK, Bald, HOT , confident, Bold, Driven, Funny!, SMART, and yep, fit ! But enough of the surface talk..back to shirtless eye candy Friday>

*sigh* Needs no introduction. Shemar. Shemar! OMG Shemar..I won’t get started talking about this slice of Heavenly wonder; or I won’t be able to stop>

!!!! ..thats what I think about him>

You’ve got ALOT to be smiling about Will..SMILE my brother smile!>

Ahhh well I cheated a little bit on my 1st ever shirtless eye candy Friday..BUT no HOT line UP would be complete without Denzel..WOW..Even with clothes on he STILL rocks it..Just like a fyneeeee wine it only gets better with time. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

 

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, LOVE, Post a Day 2013, WOW, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~MANsharing..WHY are Black Women Supporting this?!?

This topic is as REAL as it gets! I’ve got a naturally nuturing/loving spirit..To love is part of my DNA..Anyone who knows me  can attest that I’ll literally give the shirt off my back to someone in need. And I have…without being asked I’ll give. Whether its money to someone holding UP a sign @will work for food…I’m a giver. And I feel we should all share of what we have to those in need; even if we’re close to broke our dang selves. BUT one thing I will NOT share, UNequivocally, is my MAN. I expect women to look..because I’ve got excellent taste..but do NOT touch him. Ever. And ever is a very long time. So read my lips so the message is clear..I won’t participate in MANsharing. But we all know it exists…It might even be common place for some. So much so there are jokes about it & many articles written on MANsharing among Black women.  I laugh alot! Probably more than the average person..but this is no laughing matter. And I’m so serious..I’m not down with O.P.P.(is that term even used anymore??? well if not I’m bringing it back) My man is considered Private Stock(a term my ex taught me 🙂 ) so flirt if you must because he’ll be HOT… (I’m single at the moment or certainly I’d not be writing on Valentine’s  evening. So this message is for when I start dating again.  lol! ) but do NOT touch my MAN…

Some of the terms, for lack of a better word, used to describe “love triangles” these days are: Main chicks, Side Chicks, Mansharing…For anyone who watches reality tv, which I don’t!, you might have seen some of this laid out in living color(and REALness) on the show”Love and Hip Hop Atlanta”..I ran across a narrative while on a Black website; I was interacting in a group online discussion about Black Love Relationships. And first let me say , OMG! To say my hair was blown back is an understatement…I had NO idea ‘polyamourous coupling’ could be considered an IN thing these days. Or least enough to have it shown on the boob tube. Backintheday we used to called those type of arrangements; open relationships or just plain ole cheating! But seems things have changed or have they?

These days apparently many women , in accepting their rights to sexual freedom and choice, are far less ashamed of those choices…even when they’re generally seen/portrayed as indecent. What usually happens when these love triangles or mansharing accounts are heard of or discovered!(sometimes by an un-assuming wife/girlfriend) the heavier side of blame is placed on the woman involved in the arrangement. She is scorned in some cases and called every name under the sun; except a child of GOD. I know because I’ve been on the flip side of that coin myself. Yep! I was once a very, totally “UNassuming” wife who got the surprise of my life..which also broke my heart into a cazillion pieces. But moving right along….

However, as we get to “the other side of feelings”; also known as getting over a broken heart or lost love..we begin to analyze the “entire situation” and often times can understand” somewhat” how that certain situation came about…Or least those of us that want to truly heal & forgive when we’ve been hurt by someone practice this. So anyways how does a 3rd party come into a marriage or relationship? Is it always KNOWN by the 3rd party that said man is married or taken? Are there women who prey on married men and consider them a challenge? Last but not least the question that begs to be answered…Are there rising numbers of MANsharing among Black women because of the shortage of BLACK men due to high rate of Black men behind bars in our country?!? Here is the take on those answers and the way I see it..

At this point in my life I’ve grown to believe things I never thought I’d believe when I was alot younger…Grey area DOES exist! I used to think everything was either Black or White. That everything either was or wasn’t..and that simply isn’t the case. I now believe that one person can be IN love with two people. Might seem like its impossible to alot of ya’ll out there…but that is because it hasn’t yet happened to you. You’ll have to trust me on this one. Also , I think sometimes folks get into “situations” and don’t know how to get out of them. Lets call it getting caught UP. I also think sometimes people that aren’t totally “satisfied” in a relationship can easily wind UP having an affair. BUT I also think some Sista’s have been duped by Brotha’s who don’t reveal the truth from the onset…Many a woman has probably, nope has!, gotten involved not knowing the man was married. Or the infamous statement IS= He’ll say he is married; but separated…In my opinion until the ink is wet on the divorce decree you’re still MARRIED. I told this brother that once who said he’d been separated for 3 years. 3 years! And as MUCH as I was digging him I said when you’ve gotten your divorce and IF I’m still single; give me a buzz. And he did!

In my heart of hearts I just think there is a way to conduct ourselves like we respect ourselves. Like a lady. Sounds corny but I mean it..Doesn’t mean we can’t have sex appeal or even flirt. Sex appeal is as natural as the air we breathe..IF you got it , then flaunt IT. But with some amount of decency and class. IF a woman doesn’t respect or honor her OWN self/body; how the heck can we expect a man do to the same by us?!? That answer is easy to see; even for a blind person.

For folks that are into poly-relationships..as long as its all mutually agreed upon..do your thing! Its a free country and you can have at it if you like…Not my style because the one thing in life I’m selfish about is my MAN. I do not nor will I share. Not yesterday, not today, and not whenever I get into my next/last! relationship. But for the Sista’s into chasing married men…or adding notches to some sort of married belt. What is going to happen whenever ya’ll settle down & finally get married?? What IF some marriedmanchasingsista comes along and snags YOUR husband??! What will you then think about women who have no issue DOing a married man? Sometimes we should think about the flip side of things; before we do them. Having a heart helps…and also karma is a B! The good news? One can repent and regroup for their past transgressions. That is the beauty of this life journey. Having said all of that there should be a couple unspoken Sista rules when dating…Ya’ll ready for this?

Rule 1. IF he only calls you during work hours of the day and not on the weekend at all. He IS married or in a relationship. And thus not worthy. Period

Rule 2. IF he tells you he is married but separated…I don’t care how many years. He IS still married. And thus someone else’s MAN. Legally. Period

Rule 3. IF he is the ex of a friend of yours…Not worth possibly ruining your relationship with your friend. I don’t care how fine or cute he is.

Rule 4. IF he asks for your number but can’t/won’t give you his. MARRIED. Run quickly from this situation before it even becomes a situation. Period

Rule 5. IF you know he is either married or taken…Walk away or just engage in friendship. Even talking or flirting with the idea of a relationship can lead to an emotional attachment. And getting emotionally attached or falling in love! with a man that isn’t available will drain you/block your blessings/and guarantee your heart will be crushed

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

MORE Black Men in Prison; Than Were Enslaved in 1850<<

Can ya’ll believe that??? Believe it or not it is the “new”  norm..

““More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began,” Alexander, an Ohio State law professor, recently told listeners at the Pasadena Branch of the American Civil Liberties Union….” Quote taken from article written March 2011 regarding stats in Michelle Alexander’s book>

Alexander’s seminal book, “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness” argues that prisons have become the latest form of economic and social disenfranchisement for young folks of color, particularly black men. In it, she grapples with a central question: If crime rates have fluctuated over the years and are now at historical lows, then why have rates of incarcerated men of color skyrocketed over the past 30 years? <

~For those that are just tuning IN..I’m utilizing the month of Black History Month to talk about Black specific topics that the masses either a. On a grand scale don’t want to think/talk about because “not” being aware is easier than dealing with reality b. Far too busy with their lives to worry about the lives of the future generation c. Just don’t care d. prefer to keep their heads in the sand and just tend to “self” e. don’t READ therefore honestly miss what goes on in the world around them. f. Are aware and are raising well-grounded /well-taught children/mentoring/outreach to the at-risk community, etc g. Did I leave anyone out?  Bottom line IS there is no time like the present; especially Black History Month to talk about some of “tougher” topics regarding Black America. What better place than in an environment that receives 402 MILLION readers of 4.1 BILLION pages a month? WordPress. A site I love dearly! A site I didn’t even know  how to navigate on a mere 3 months ago when I began here…I’m cognizant with EVERY single keystroke that my words here are a carbon print that will last forever…I don’t take that lightly. Now back 2 the topic at hand. I’m going to post a few alarming statistics and attempt to give this topic the due JUSTice it deserves…

Let that sink in for a minute into every pore of your being..

**The way I see IT is pretty simple. Any time you’ve got more people IN the penal system; than IN college(or in the education system period…) that surrounding/environment/society/and in this case an ENTIRE race/class/segment of society will suffer in a negative manner. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. And I’m far from being that..nevertheless as a Black Mother/Ma/Moms/Mom myself I’m beyond concerned about this issue. Even from the viewpoint of being an American citizen, born & bred & LOVE my country ’tis of thee   I’m frightened when I see the statistics. As a former state prison employee I cried MANY a tear seeing upclose and personal the young Black youth behind bars. Just weeped uncontrollably..mayhaps because I’m aware of the atrocious things that happen in prison is yet another reason I feel as I do. IF the current trend continues 1 out of EVERY 3 Black male adults will spend some time IN prison. I’m sorry folks but I see that as a reason to be alarmed..

Did you KNOW? That when many surveys are taken   by government agencies they “exclude” the people from prison population from their research & findings?!? When they’re added back into the equation it dramatically alters the picture of the  status of ..Black America. It isn’t a pretty picture. Over half of the 2.3 million people in American prisons are; BLACK. Even on a good day folks; how can that be a good thing? Just keep in mind there are NO good days behind bars..

DISCLAIMER: I’m NOT an advocate nor user of drugs. Nor am I saying that folks who break the law shouldn’t be PUNISHED..nonetheless there is a blatant “grey area” that mayhaps needs 2 be considered. <<<<

The question that BEGS to be answered is=WHY ARE SO MANY BLACK MEN LOCKED UP IN AMERICA? Well lets consider the war on drugs for a minute. By itself; the war on drugs has affected Black communities far more than others. Would you agree? There are increased arrests of Blacks for NON-violent offenses and yet…”There is NO evidence that drug use is dramatically different by race or ethnicity; but the pattern of arrests is very different. ” Quote from Ernest Drucker. Author of ‘A Plaque of Prisons’  Let that sink in for a minute…

Is it ANY small wonder, given the above happenstances, that as of Dec. 2012 ..a whopping 72% of Black American children are being raised in SINGLE parent homes?!? The media hypes up only the parts they like & dilute(or totally delete) the background info…yet! there is no excuse with the Internet ya’ll can’t do due diligence to find out the REAL scoop behind the scoop. What can WE do to stop this cycle ? My humble opinion is quite more than is being done on a grand scale..Often times when something seems SO monumental folks don’t know how or where to begin. The way I see it one by one we can do our part in various ways..Educate, educate, educate. For the remaining parents out there link UP together to raise YOUR children! Stop letting the boob tube, the internet, or their friends raise them…It is a parents JOB to arm a child with whatever they need to become PROductive good human beings. Don’t take on the task of being a parent if you’re not going to do the JOB. It is the most important JOB on the planet. Exclamation mark. Period..Far more than brand names clothes & overpriced tennis shoes children need guidance/discipline/and TONS of love. For folks who don’t have children mentor someone else’s. Even more so these days it truly takes a VILLAGE. My eldest son, who has NO children of his own AND is wrapping up his P H D, is presently going through the Big Brother interview process..to become a Big Brother. That is on top of his terribly busy schedule and mentoring his 2 younger brothers(my sons..) IF we all took on some small part to lend a hand; certainly the change can be great. At least that is the way I see it..

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^

*Chivalry is NOT dead..But what the HECK happened 2 the COURTING process??*

What Happened to Us
What Happened to Us (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alright folks this  ONE  I can really sink my teeth into! And  at this phase of my life journey I can relate ..Not alot of topics I’ve written on here yet that I am going through as I write or speak on it..But this is IT. Lol!!  Saving this space for this weekend when I have time to give this topic the attention(& finger strokes it deserves..) So buckle UP cause I’ve got a feeeeeeling it is going to be a good one. Guaranteed…

I’ve got alot 2 say on this topic ..so timewise I might have 2 break N finish later on 2night so here I go…

Call me OLDskool (I really don’t mind..) but there are some things I just can’t wrap my brain around at how things have changed. Did I miss the memo on “dating” becoming passA? Or have I been in long term relationships so much in my life journey I wasn’t paying attention?!? Has the new form of courtship turned into “hanging out” “linking up” (wth?) “hook-ups(OMG @this term)” “jump-offs(yep, this is a real term folks..shaking my head” and I’m sure a ton of other so called hip terms I’ve not yet heard. NOR do I want to hear because I refuseee to buy into the hype. Not 2day or any day soon.  So, for those that have been “single and waiting to be discovered by the ONE(which is the category I fall into..) N in the 38-50 age range, how are you dealing with the “new” non-existent courtship reality? Are the days long gone when a guy actually even knows what courtship is? Or knows how it is to date a potential mate-for-life?? N for the record that is the ONLY type of dating I’m interested in. I don’t have time(I am on the brink of 50 folks..) to kiss or date any frogs(a/k/a OLD players or wanna-be-players..sorry but that is SO played out! and quite frankly was never in style in my opinion) N liberated or not..and I hold hand UP high as a liberated woman..is it toooo much to expect a guy to call ME to ask me out on a date?!? I’m not one to call a guy. It just isn’t me…unless I already know him well. In my heart of hearts I feeeeeel if a guy is “interested” he’ll make the phonecalls. And I will answer. Isn’t that the natural order of things? I’m used to being PURSUED. I thought part of the natural process was for a man to do the PURSUING. Isn’t part of the thrill for a guy(correct me if I’m wrong guys..) chasing and trying to attain a worthy potential as your MATE? Lawd! Has the entire book of dating been re-written since I’ve last been…single? ~2 Be Continued~(I’ve got alot more to say…) P.S. When I get back I’m going to ..(a) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why the state of dating/marriage is in such a CRAPPY state without it..(b) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why bringing back OLDskool wayz is the best solution to solve quickie unsuited marriages N quickie divorces. Buckle UP folks I’m just getting started! B back soon asap so stay tuned…<

4 those that are single/divorced/fresh out of a relationship/or nearing the end of a couple years hiatus from relationships(holding my hand UP on the latter..) N in the age group 38 yrs old to 50 yrs old are YOU happy with  or fulfilled with the current hooook UP/hanging OUT/jump off/linking UP type of culture ? For my “liberated” women sisters out there is the >I’m an INdependent woman!/fun/exciting/liberating mode working out for you as  satisfying/resulting in LONGterm relationships and/or marriage/happiness? Or are you STILL single? Or single again? Hmmmmm…lets let that sink in for a minute. Now mind you this case I’m building on is for those who think the following: 1. that being married is the ultimate love relationship 2. that being married is better than being single 3. that being married is the BEST situation for couples to raise children 4. that marriage provides deeeeep friendship with spouse/personal growth/LASTING intimacy with spouse. If you’re still with me after allll that lets move forward.

I’ll try to explain why I feel courtship is the best process in which to pick the best LIFE mate(at any age!) N for the record I don’t believe soul mates have to be a spouse. Personally I can attest to the fact that in this lifetime I’ve met 2 soulmates. Only married 1 of them…but a lifemate in my opinion..is what I’m seeking in a husband. (I’ll explain that term later if time permits) Courtship to me IS: a process in which the things a couple does are gearing towards finding(which means pursuit guys..) , winning , the right one..and then marriage. The couple is exclusive(yep!) and exerting a high sense of attentiveness and DEPENDability, and care towards the “potential” (I’ll explain another time what I feel a “potential” IS.. I know alot of women, me included, who from the very 1st meeting of a guy determine him immediately(or least I do…) as (a) Just a friend (b) Don’t even want to be his friend! ..total frog! N bad habits/lifestyle toooo bad to even want to be in his company, yuck (c) close to a potential mate but missing a couple essential qualities (d) potential lifemate. So anywayz a decent length of  courtship(dating) allows the couple to actually get to KNOW each other prior to marriage. One might ask what IS a decent time frame for this? Depends..I don’t put specific number of months on this as Steve Harvey does. In my world the BEST things are worth waiting for. So don’t ask me about how long it will be before the you-know-what part. As a couple once ya’ll know each other well ya’ll can figure that out on your own! After all we’re talking about grown folks…

Moving right along…what has happened since courtship is no longer the norm? Anyone know the current statistics on divorce??? Anyone out there know the amount of people who now do NOT even consider marriage N instead just shack UP? (thus leaving children with parents who more than likely won’t stay together..the odds are against it) How about the statistics on folks who sleep together soooo quickly they don’t even truly know who they’re dealing with. I mean , for real,  since our bodies are supposed to be a TEMPLE why would we(women or men) share of something so intimate (the highest of highs!) with someone we don’t know?!? Is it mayhaps folks have lost sight of what the true meaning of intimacy IS? And in my  humble opinion intimacy is a far cry different from sex….We are all grown here, right? Alright, so courtship lets a woman truly know that a man is (a) seriously interested in just HER (b) is willing to take the TIME to prove his intent (c) and is willing to use his CREATIVITY to plan enjoyable activities/outings(could be as simple as a walk on the beach…) to gain her affections and her love. In regards to what courtships lets a man know(I’ve got to guess here cause I’m not a man)  (a) that the woman is seriously interested in only HIM (b) that a woman has the qualities that she said she had on the 1st date!(oh, I meant to add that for women as well) (c) is the type of woman he would be proud to take home to meet his parents(THAT is key in my opinion..)

It is my personal opinon that no matter how much womans’ lib has changed the game the roles of men/women should rightfully stay somewhat close to the roles in which we were created. Period. I think it is because of womens lib that things got so screwed UP in the first place. I can’t speak for any other woman except myself but I only desire a man that is a leader! Has to have a back bone/be strong/be confident!/and is the rightful head of the household. Even the way our physcial & biological makeup is designed points to men being the head…Does this mean that a woman has NO voice or opinion? Absolutely not. Because the  day will NEVER come that I have no opinion. Not in this lifetime nor the next…However I feel there is a happy/loving medium. And it works when both parties desire the same thing and work to make it work. I’ve seeeeen it work for 50 yrs now in my parents marriage(btw they still hold hands N dance 2gether! love IT) …which leads me to another point . How can folks that have NOT seen a long term marriage work truly know what to strive for or expect??? Hmmmmm. Can they? Which is why the cycle of this madness must stop somewhere. In order to get back to the natural order of things. Its gotten SO out of hand…for those of us nearing 50 we’ve seeeeen it and probably lived it! And hopefully learned from it…What I’ve learned is its my inherent desire to take things back to the way they were backintheday. N one of my prayers IS that the man who was created to love ONLY me feels the very same way. And another prayer is that he is somewhere out there-looking for ME-& reading this.  If ya’ll have anything 2 add to this discussion feel free to do so. I’d love to read it and I’ll respond. We can all learn from each others’ experiences…Until then stay blessed N UPlifted. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)