Posted in =Self Discovery=, LOVE

**Reasons You’re a Good Catch & Still Single..**

This topic was actually prompted by a conversation with a male friend..A deep chat of sorts that reminded me how people view being single from the outside..As IF all folks that are single are lonely..I know I speak of things from a personal perspective. I’m working on that! But in the interim here is my list of reasons I think I’m still single. Actually I’m single but dating/seeing (is that even the politically correct term these days???) someone.. It took a great deal of honesty/soul-searching/reflection to size myself UP.. A great deal!

**Flashback to the aforementioned conversation** As I recall the list of qualities/characteristics my friend brought to my attention that, he feels, makes me a good catch..I’ve come to the realization a lot of those same items are also the reason I’m still single! Ironic as it seems(catch 22 mayhaps?) I believe that to be true..What I also realized as he spoke was that he’s digging me as more than just a friend..OMG when & how did that happen???? But I digress..And? If anyone else out there also desires something (whether it is a career/significant other/change in location/further education, etc etc) a reality check is a good way to purge the soul! Least it works wonders for me..On with my list>>

Reason #1 . Never learned how to play second fiddle. Yes, I bought the whole kit & caboodle I was taught as a young girl by my Daddy. That I deserve a man’s full attention. Don’t get me wrong; I can hold my OWN in a crowd. Being the social butterfly that I really am..But in a love relationship that analogy doesn’t work for me. I’ll wait for a minute to be plucked out of a crowd with my hand, figuratively, held in the air waving@ Here I am! Yet, being number 2 isn’t something I do well. I fall back if I discern that is the case. A most speedy retreat. Might even leave skid marks as I quietly depart..Confidence can be attractive but also has its disadvantages..I honestly believe I AM & should be treated as the 1 & Only

Reason #2 . I’m only attracted to my Black brothas as romantic partners..It is part of my DNA and comes as natural to me as breathing. This has caused the dating pool to be a lot smaller. Why? Because at my age a great deal of good brothas my age are married or linked up already. Heck, I never thought I’d be single divorced at 51! Just wasn’t part of the master plan I’d set out with many moons ago. Y’all know what they say about the best laid out plans though right? Yep, ish and life happens! Bottom line , without a doubt, IF I’d open myself up to date interacially I’d have been linked up long ago. If the rejected proposals are any indication..Real talk for real! Black is SO beautiful & my brothas rein in all ways>>

Reason #3 . I waited too long to get back into the dating scene..I’m so out of practice! Figured I was doing the right thing to take a breather after my Cali love & to get myself adjusted to my new location(and life as an empty nester) Isn’t regrouping a smart thing to do?? Wait, don’t answer that it is a rhetorical question..But like I recently heard Katt Williams say@ “I was single too long..Everyone is either too young or too OLD..Issues or not(don’t we all have issues of some sort at this age?) I’ve got to admit Katt has a point. Contrary to the thought process of a lot of single folks(about why they are single..) ; I don’t believe the rules of dating have changed that much. Men still crave the company of women & women still crave the company of men..Well the straight ones DO. While a great deal of brothas have expressed admiration for my self-discipline ; still has become quite clear to me I’m out of practice. I’ve grown to used to just being and doing ME . Becoming part of a duo again will take time & effort & patience…I need to tape that to my mirror so I can re-remember it daily>>

Reason #4. Began buying the hype about the to do’s and not to do’s of dating..There IS a never-ending list of lists of what to do/how to do it/WHEN to do it..And as my new guy friend pointed out? Some of those sources(ex. Steve Harvey) haven’t been IN good relationships long enough to even be reliable self-appointed love gurus! Least I didn’t buy his B.S; I mean his book..Come back and give me tips after you’ve been in a GOOD love relationship for 50 years Steve. Until then thanks be to God I’ve got parents who fit those shoes. Never in my life have I looked UP so many tips/clues/hints/suggestions on how to be in a relationship before. Jeeeez , no more..Back in the day we just let it flow. Used to trust what I felt in my spirit/soul. I’m standing firm & refuse to buy into the hype any longer>>

Reason #5. Still yearn for a guy that gets me! I can’t play ‘the game’..I don’t know how to be coy/play hard to get/LIE. I want to have conversations where not a word need be said. Believe it or not(loll yes I know I talk a lot..working on that too!) Just want someone who understands & appreciates me for me. And likewise..Girlish as it sounds I want to fall in love with my best friend. For life. I think guys have gotten so used to being duped & played; it is difficult to trust in a woman’s word. Realizing fully that sometimes I’m hard to follow! I’ve alot of pent UP energy & alot to share..Patience is a virtue and often the best things in life are worth working to learn/earn. >>

Reason #6. I have standards and principles. I believe in loyalty and committment.. I’m a one man-woman. And tough as it is for some guys to adhere to(due to natural biological cravings…yep, I read up on it to gain understanding) I believe in a monogamous relationship. I don’t know how to ‘hang out’ with a guy I’m digging. To me it IS a date. I can hang out with my girlfriends..>>

Reason # 7..I’m a giver by nature. Whether it is a friend or a lover I’ll give the shirt off my back to a person in need. Without hesitation…Problem with that is kindness can be viewed as weakness..I can’t shut off a piece of who I am just to avoid possibly being hurt. One can’t discover love holding back.>>

Exhaling! I think that is it..Enough said. Anyone out there sat & reflected on possible reasons you’re still single? Granted it is easier to just profess there is a shortage of good guys/women left..That could be part of the reason & I honestly don’t take away from that logic. The terms good & good catch are subjective..In the spirit of teach one, reach one(my only reason for blogging isn’t just to vent..) I’d love to get additional comments. Chime in! Until I read/write y’all stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere the 1 & Only, Berna

Posted in LOVE

*Yin* Seeking her *Yang*

Almost midway into THE year I said I’d marry again..OR at the least be IN love for the last time. Where has the time gone?? Is it just me or is time flying by in faster increments than it was before Fabulous 50? With all the happenings of this year so far I’m just settling down & taking note that OMG half the year is gone. Poof! Anyways I digress..Since last thinking about dipping my toes back into the awesome pool of love and/or married bliss..I’ve half-seriously considered a cross-country relationship, a relationship with my X, online dating, & staying single indefinitely(YUCK) ..I say half considered because due to life happenings , I honestly haven’t had time or energy to fully delve into anything 100%. At all. And because I tend to be an over-thinker at times..Yep, I admit it..I decided not only will none of the above work for me; but that I absolutely will not “settle” either. >>

One of the greatest advantages of flying solo has been: It has given me ample time to figure out exactly what type of significant other will add to my life. Outside of being physically attractive; there is so much more I need from a man before I hand in my singles card. I don’t need someone to complete me. What I desire is a union in which we complement each other. More than likely? Opposites! Wouldn’t two conservative people bore each other too pieces till death do they part? Ugh! On the flip side of that imagine two zany energetic people together for life?? I don’t even want to imagine that scenario..Which is why I know I need a somewhat more reserved counterpart..But he’s got to have energy to keep UP with me as I run circles around him(and a ton of stamina) Anyways, quickly moving right along>>

Chinese philosophy(yep, been reading up on this & it makes sense to moi) cites there is a natural order in the Universe that works smoothly like a song..Yin and Yang..It is said we all have it & that we use both energies in our interactions. However, it is presumed women have more yin and men more yang. Yin is feminine energy: soft, dark, cool, hidden, subtle, and complex. Yin is much more fluid, more nurturing, than yang. Yin’s strength is to preserve life, to keep major support systems in line. Yang is masculine energy: strength, action, and relentless assertiveness. It is a protective energy..>>

I’ll be sure to follow-up after I’ve got a story to tell based on this theory..Coming soon so stay tuned & buckle UP

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**WORST case Scenario**Facing Fear Head ON

As I sit perched on the verge of jumping back into the dating scene, after a couple of years voluntary hiatus, I can’t decide which emotion will take front seat. Fear Or excitement? Both emotions are wrestling to over-ride the other..I’m fighting to keep my emotions at bay; especially my fears. Brings to mind a trick I taught my youngest son when he’s struggling with fears, stress or angst..I’ve taught him to picture in his mind the worst-case scenario. Picture it vividly. And then? Imagine how or IF you can deal with it…>>

When I picture the worst-case scenario regarding jumping back into dating( at 50!) or NOT? For me that would be to wind UP never marrying again and riding solo for the rest of my Life Journey..A close girl friend of mine & I discussed the fears of dating again/linking up with a perfect stranger for first date/giving a guy our phone number for the first time..These are scary times we live in these days! But in my heart of hearts what I fear even more so? Not falling IN love one more time…Real talk for real!>>

Fear of wasting my time dating a loser/Fear of discovering an otherwise sane date or potential is a complete psycho/Fear of getting involved with someone only to later discover he’s married! /Fear of giving my heart to someone who is NOT worthy/Fear of my love not being appreciated…I mean the list of fears goes on & on & on & ON..Until I realize IF I continue to think of ALL the things I fear I’ll never take the first step and dip my toe back in the water>>

Truth BE told? I don’t ever recall a time when dating caused me any angst..Just enjoyed it & went with the flow..Mayhaps one of the only disadvantages of turning 50? THINKING THINGS OUT BEFOREHAND..Ugh & dang!>>

In my heart of hearts I’m hoping & praying that my fears will be quickly put to rest once the ice is broken on my dating adventure..Truly I wish for nothing more than to be able to say @ Whew! All that worry & fear was for nothing..Taking the first step is always the most difficult in anything. I used to just leap into things caught UP in spontaneous passion & excitement! Yet now all grown up I find myself pausing before opening the door to possible romantic bliss..Doing so is very foreign & unfamiliar to me. New territory indeed..>>

Thinking back I can recall many times pushing past FEAR & riding through/over/under/around it..No harm, no foul & always felt better AFTER I’d faced it head on..Like the time I rapelled down a structure so high UP in the military; that people below looked like ants! I was beyond terrified..I had a strong FEAR of heights..But in order to pass basic training I had, just had, to rapel off this structure..I tried to “appear” brave in front of all my fellow female cadets..But my knees were trembling/I was sweating bricks!/& little did any of them know I begged /pleaded with the Drill Sgt that was up there with me..I begged him to please NOT let go of me & make me rapel down! Then I begged him not to tell anyone I’d begged & cried & prayed..And when I figured out there was NO way out; except down…I closed my eyes & stepped off. True Private Benjamin I was in all ways..When I got down to the bottom? OMG I was so proud of myself & ready to do it again /again/again/AGAIN..I stood there in disbelief that I’d been so very afraid just a few moments before..So tonight as I fight fear & excitement over dating at 50? My focus is letting the knot of fears go & let the exciting butterflies in my tummy fly freely! And I’ll simply close my eyes, open my heart, and step OFF>>

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

>>>BEAUTY vs. BRAINS >>> For Grown Men Only * Poll Alert

Alright here we go that age OLD question@ Do MEN prefer beauty or brains when they chose their significant other? Or better yet IF y’all had to choose one or the other, beauty or brains, which would you choose when choosing your lady? And yep, this question is for men only. The topic came up with a male friend of mine & his response blew my hair back! Not that I was born yesterday nor am I naïve; I just thought things might have changed by now. Haven’t they? >>

Now I clearly understand the biological makeUP of men is different from women.. I get that! Men were created to have a strong drive to procreate with as many women as possible..Google it if you don’t believe me. And backintheday when I was a tad bit younger(and dating guys the same age..); I half expected the motives of men to be somewhat fueled by the above fact. Matter of fact like many other little girls my Daddy taught me long ago @ ‘ What most guys truly desire is what is between your legs..’ But , but doesn’t that change as we age, evolve and progress? In my heart of hearts , and this might sound naïve, I thought(or so I’ve been told by my suitors & exhusband) that when a man looks to choose his woman; he’s looking for far more than just SEX. Isn’t that the case for the majority of men? Let me take this one step further..>>

I love being a woman. Every single thing about being a woman..In the dictionary next to the word feminine should be a picture of ME. My favorite color is pink. I dig wearing dresses/skirts/and ultra feminine clothes during the week..All woman. Then again I also dig jumping in to my jeans & getting my strut ON. BUT just as men probably don’t want women to envision them as a big, fat wallet..I’d like to NOT just be thought of as just a pretty face. Long ago I recall a remark my Momma made..Right now I can’t recall who she was talking to; but I’ve never forgotten it. She said @’I am much more than just a pretty face you know!’ Exclamation mark. Period>>

So whats the scoop guys? And give up the non-censored straight-no-chaser answer..Because inquiring minds(all the women reading this…) really want to know. And us single ones; could truly use a heads UP for insight to how men think these days. Your opinion matters so the floor is yours..

Posted in Dating, LOVE

>MULTI-Dating in a Multi-Tasking Era<

It isn’t far-fetched for single people to date more than one person these days..Heck, I’m willing to bet IF more people did prior to marriage; mayhaps the amount of them who cheat AFTER marriage would be on the decline.(..instead of the opposite) But how can a person who believes in monogamous relationships; date multiple people? I’m soon to embark on such a mission to find out! Truth IS many of us back-in-the-day, considered dating, equal to relationship status. It is not though..That isn’t even part of the definition of what dating is. Good ole Wikipedia defines dating as..’Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person’s life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people…’ >>

As with anything; there are benefits & drawbacks to multi-dating..Personally? I’ve not yet encountered either because my quest won’t begin till about the end of next month..Yep, I’m a planner! First benefit I can figure out already? Without having even dipped my toe in the water yet , multi-dating is going to broaden my options. And at a much faster pace than if I were to date one person at a time..At 50 yrs of age? TIME is precious and I don’t plan on wasting any of it>>

Let me first be clear about one thing..Dating IS dating IS dating and does NOT mean SEX. Dating also means not in a relationship/not married/& still single UNTIL a mutual committment has been made. Sex clouds & over-rides good judgement. Sex when casually dating is out-of-place for a reason because SEX isn’t a casual happening. Or least that is the way I see it. Exclamation point. Period>>

Another benefit to multi-dating is it keeps the FUN in dating..Takes the pressure off. My take on it at 50 yrs of age? Take me or leave me as I am. If it isn’t a mutual link-up; then we can be friends. Or not..Personally? There aren’t many folks I’ve met in my life, on any level, that we’re not still friends. Mature folks can handle that. And being that I’m now 50 yrs old; I won’t be dating any little boys. >>

Another benefit I anticipate could happen from multi-dating? Gives both parties a chance to perhaps date out of their ‘usual dating type’. Which, btw, I’ve never done..No one is going to be a perfect match & this allows the chance to date an array of personality types. (after all they can’t all look as superb as Shemar Moore.dangit what a shame that is! ) Doesn’t that sound like FUN already?!? >>

Disadvantages? Hmmm I really can’t think of many that doesn’t differ from dating in general..BUT with honesty..How many reading this know of people who date several people at one time ; yet LIE about it? I’m not lying to get a love relationship; and I’m not lying once I’m in one again. Never has been my style..I think there could be folks, men & woman, who can’t handle dating a multi-dater. No worries; toss them back in the pond & move on. No harm, no foul & thankfully didn’t waste each others’ time. Personally? I have no tolerance for folks with a jealous nature anyway..Zilch. I think the transition from dating to a relationship, would be same as only dating one person. With the exception of single status to taken. >>

Posted in LOVE, Telling it like it 'TIS, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*STAY Faithful or Stay SINGLE* Word of UNsolicited advice..

Before I sink my teeth into this topic 1st keep in mind I added UNSOLICITED advice..That is the only hint at a disclaimer I’ll include with this one..One thing that really chaps my fanny? To witness someone/ANYone/Lots of folks; ruining something that I long for..And somebody has to say IT; so it might as well be lil ol me. MARRIED FOLKS IN THIS GENERATION ARE GIVING MARRIAGE A BAD NAME. Y’all ready for this? Here I come with both barrels loaded>>

Main reason I’m on “one”? I’ve tired, naw tyeeed , of getting hit on by married men! I’ll explain more about that in a short bit..First the positively positive proof that things have gone awry with the marriage game is the grand prize winner..Tiger Woods. OMG What the heck was Tiger even thinking by getting hitched??? I actually lost count(cause I was so disappointed in Tiger I stopped reading about the scandal..) of the amount of women he cheated with during his marriage..But it was ALOT. Jeeeeez all he did was make t his ex-wife richer than she ever could’ve dreamed of! Did she drop those 2 kids fast or what?!? Something tells me though she knew exactly what type of man she married..Sorry Tiger ‘I loves ya Bro’ , however, your actions were beyond LAME. Enough said>>

Now many of us have met folks we KNEW were in bad marriages..Or at least what “we” define as a bad marriage..Usually involving domestic violence or cheating..Personally I consider cheating in the top 2 reasons I’d seriously consider divorce.(been there done that..) Apparently these days though either spouses are: a. turning a VERY blind eye to their cheating spouse’s activities OR b. also cheating..The even weirder thing? I’ve heard of folks getting cheated on multiple times before marriage & STILL walking down the isle..I just don’t get IT>>

Don’t get me wrong for I can TOTALLY understand that married folks love SEX..Sex, in my humble opinion, is one of the most natural human urges we possess. 2nd only to consuming food/water..However, hows about using some DISCIPLINE? Dang! For some that are celibate due to vocation(priests, nuns, etc..) or due to waiting it out(more like toughing it out at this point) in pursuit of quality over quantity; its been proven that discipline sexually can be achieved. Bottom line IS if you can’t keep your pants/panties ON while married : a. don’t leave the house ! b. don’t get married c. be honest with spouse & give them the option of leaving your fanny(cause truth is these days being promiscuous is downright dangerous) >>

Back to how this impacts me..I believe in monogamy. I believe in marriage..Exclamation mark. Period. I’ll openly admit BOTH of those institutions(for lack of a better word right now..) are very difficult to maintain..Its hard to walk a straight line; my fingers are trembling at the thought even as I typed that..Nevertheless I stand as a witness(my parents marriage of 52 yrs & counting..) and from my own personal experience that when maintained in a mutual healthy manner? Monogamous marriage IS the ultimate love relationship in every possible way. Backintheday folks took their marriage vows to heart @ Till death do us part/For better or worse/In sickness & health & of course ‘What GOD has joined no man can divide’..Somewhere in those vows I’d like to believe that didn’t include a laundry list of other partners like Tiger..Didn’t it? Or have marriages always been soiled with serial cheating? As usual my questions invoke more questions..>>

Having said all the above..WHY is it that all the HOT guys these days are MARRIED? Lawd! I can’t be the only one that notices this..And WHY aren’t their marriage bands soldered onto their fingers?!? Better yet they should have a big, fat tattoo on their forehead that says ‘I AM MARRIED’. Better yet hows about married men just STOP hitting on single women? Go figure it could actually be that simple. The part that is truly deceptive is approaching a single woman/acting single/she has no clue/& then gets slammed couple hours into the conversation with “I really dig you. Alot! But I’m sort of married” WOW talk about false advertising..IF I were POTUS the first law I’d put into place? ALL MARRIED PEOPLE MUST WEAR THEIR WEDDING BANDS>>

The more I think about it this must be a Southern ‘thang…Honestly? It wasn’t something I recall having to deal with on the West Coast..Could that possibly mean there were more faithful married guys there? Hmmmm Is it something in the tropical air that makes guys FORGET they have a wife at home? Or is the new norm for marriage? I most certainly hope it isn’t because I, for one, am so looking forward to marriage again..One last time for the rest of this life journey..I’m sure I’ll turn a blind eye to most of my next husband’s faults..For I fall short of perfection myself..BUT if he ever ‘EVA tries to walk out of the house without his wedding band on?!? I’ll let y’all figure out what my solution will be to that scenario. And that’s the end of my rant/vent ..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)

*crickets chirping* No comments from the peanut gallery? I’d love to read comments from the happily married folks out there..And because I enjoy learning from an array of viewpoints; I’d love to hear from earlier serial cheaters..Or even folks who have cheated once & learned from the experience..Heck, I wouldn’t mind reading comments from someone/anyone who is now cheating..ALL comments/viewpoints will be respected ; I promise..Most of all I’m curious IS marriage still the IN thing? Or has it become an outdated tradition? Come on folks sound off & lets rap>>

Posted in ^^Thought Provoking^^

^What Makes a Woman WIFE Material^ From an EXwife’s Perspective

..It’s NO secret I loved being married!/miss being married/and WILL be married one last time..Its also no secret I’ve been on the longest dating-marriage-hiatus I’ve ever been on..3 yrs to be exact..Its been good for me & I’ve used my time wisely to do ME..But enough is enough..For one thing this celibacy thing is NO laughing matter..It GOT real rough(I actually think I went through WITHdrawals..Ugh)..And end of September? Once I clear a few more things off my to-do list; I’m officially putting myself back on the market. I might even become a multi-dater for a quick minute; because time is precious..And? My next deadline is rapidly approaching..I said I’d be “engaged” by the end of the year I made 50 yrs old. So its time for me to get a social life & get BUSY. Y’all ready for this list of wife material stuff? >>

( These aren’t in any specific order at all..Just a list of things I learned from experiencing marriage/experience divorce UGH I do NOT ever want to go through divorce again/observing my parents marriage of 51 yrs and going strong../taking notes from my male friends.

> Ladies, do NOT ask for your significant other’s OPINION; if you really don’t want to hear the truth. Excellent friend of mine told me, ‘ Do NOT ask a question; that you really do NOT want the answer to’ For instance..That pathetic question @ Honey, do I look FAT in this dress??? OMG knowing dang full well that IF he says you DO look like a fat; you’re going to be MAD at him for the rest of the night..2nd part of this IS..Appreciate your man’s opinion for what it IS. His opinion…If you can’t appreciate/respect/and truly LISTEN to your man’s opinion? Then your man just might be with the wrong woman. Moving right along>>

ONE of guys biggest pet peeves about women IS the nagging & whining! Ladies? IF you’ve got something that you’re SO unhappy about it makes you whine & bitch & moan alll the time; work to CHANGE it. It really IS just that simple..What is funny about it is women who whine & complain? Do NOT like to be around other woman who do it..So WHY torture your man with it? I might catch some heat from women for that; but y’all know it is the TRUTH. And to piggy back on that; I’m a heterosexual woman and I get tired of being around women who NAG. OMG enough is enough..IF you feel the need to nag & correct & micromanage your man allll the time? Then you might just be with the WRONG man..Quietly agree to be just friends..IF he doesn’t figure it out first and RUN>>

Don’t “act” one way to snag your man; then change UP …Most men want you to be REAL..They’ll respect that alot more than “airs” & “fakeness”..Bottom line is it is either a match or not..And it is better to know before marriage; and not during the marriage. People evolve as it is..Part of the magic of long-term relationships is maintaining ‘the connection’; through the evolvements..BUT if you start with being a LIE; than said relationship is doomed from the onset. >>

Appreciate and RESPECT your man..IN public or alone together; men want to be respected just as women do. I hear women say often; they want to marry UP..I’ve yet to meet a man though who wants to be treated like a big, fat wallet! Times have changed; we women saw to that when we GOT the liberation we wanted..Respect & appreciate your man & he’ll spoil you forever..>>

Contrary to the rumor , from what I’ve heard, men don’t marry bitches..So forget what you heard..Men are attracted to women who are genuine and kind. It isn’t something that can be faked nor conjured up either..Just comes naturally. And when you treat your guy like a king; he’ll treat you like the queen that you are>>

I’ll be back on this topic in September when I’m back on the market..Till then happy hunting girlfriends!

Posted in LOVE

^MALE Call..Its About High^ Time..

**Ask ANY single, eligible woman about her “LIST” and without even asking you to specify “what list”..Off she’ll go with giving you an INdepth description of what she longs for in a significant other. I believe it’s a list that begins to form in a woman’s mind from the time of little girlhood. (a Berna’ism so don’t look for that phrase in any dictionary) The List comes into existence all on its OWN. Compiled from the onset starting with HOW a little girl feels about her very own Father/Daddy/Pops/Dad/Pa..Add to that her life experiences & lessons learned in her love relationships. Here I go are y’all ready for this? I stay ready and I’m more than ready for my The One to discover me. Here is my new-revised-and-improved-“List”. –All I Want in a Man IS..–>>

#1..My “new” #1 has risen UP the list..It used-2-be far down in my ranking. My old #1 ‘was has to be highly attractive/fit’. Now? MUST BE A BELIEVER.. I’ve come to learn this is something I won’t compromise..Not only that there is really nothing to add to this . It’s a must for me. Exclamation mark. Period.

#2..COMMUNICATION skills. I’m a talker..I will without a shadow of a doubt tell/express to my future man what I need, what I desire, what I dream, what I think I want; everything and all things Bernadette. I am NOT yet good enough to read minds; nor do I have a desire to. That takes far too much work! I require & desire a man who can put more than 2 sentences together to express his thoughts/his dreams/his needs/his goals/his wants. Sidebar: His WORD must be bond. So I’m attaching trust-worthy onto this topic. I WILL believe what you say is true..So my future man must be reliable & stand by his word. He’ll say what he means & mean what he says. He’ll DO what he says he’s going to do. Or have a pretty dang good reason for not being able to do it. Or set a later date for being able to do so.

#3..MUST be a good Father. I have issues with a man not being a good Father. Simply can’t respect an absentee Father. I make NO excuse for feeling this way..and it goes far back into my past. Least 30 years & counting! IF you’re not MAN enough to have supported your own seed, financially & emotionally, then you’re not the MAN for me. Enough said. (truth be told this is another long topic for another time..) Oh! Exclamation point. Period.

#4 ALPHA characteristics..This has moved down the list but it’s still highly important to me in my significant other. My male counterpart. I’ve come to learn its a MUST. I have a higher level of respect for a man, as my man, that holds these qualities. I’ve a STRONG solid personality; and that’s the #1 reason I require this quality in my mate. As luck would have it; it’s also the type of brother I’m also very attracted to..

#5 Nice looking/fit/health conscious..Moved this down my list a bit..NOT because I don’t dig a brother that is good-looking; but because the aforementioned qualities matter more. Physical attraction does matter..Just isn’t my #1 anymore. As I’ve evolved. Hand in hand with this quality I’m piggy backing ..Personable/Sociable. I’m very much a people-loving-social-butterfly..Put me in a room of folks I don’t know; and minutes later I’ll be chatting with someone. Doesn’t matter the arena nor platform..So only makes sense I’d be attracted to someone with this quality. And I am.

#6 DRAMAless as humanly possible.. I don’t bring it/I don’t welcome it/I don’t need it in my life. Period. I come in peace/I welcome peace/I’ve no patience(nor time) for anything nor anybody who keeps drama floating around them or starts it. Period

#7 Good Heart! Highly important to me..I view/feel people I connect with from the inside out..The warm vibes I feel from a person, including friends, is what draws me to them. My vibe meter has rarely failed me(99.9% accurate so far) Natural compassion for others is something I’m attracted to in a man..Very

#8 Last but not least I can truly appreciate a positive thinker. There are enough things in life that can bring us down or draw tears from us..Takes much effort to always try hard to see the sunny side UP. Even on our darkest days there’s something we can find to smile about; IF we just recall to count our blessings.

**Well folks that’s my “list” I’m of the belief we can wish things into existence..Its called praying with intent. Or least that’s what I’ve found myself doing this past 2 years. And so far? Its yielded pretty good results…Hoping my list reels my biggest WISH for 2013 on in! Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4 ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)

Posted in LOVE, Telling it like it 'TIS, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Should a Woman Marry for Love OR Money? * Challenge from V.S.

Couldn’t resist taking the challenge…Might as well state from the jump my stance on this topic. Call me oldskool; really don’t care what you call me. Because I really AM oldskool..Its what I was taught & its what I see that works for long-term love relationships(wish I’d known what I know now the 2 times I’ve been IN love; but then wouldn’t have been valuable lessons learned..) I do NOT believe money buys happiness. I do NOT believe money can buy LOVE. I do NOT judge a man by the size of his; wallet. I think if a woman puts a pricetag on her love; she is literally SELLING herself short. That IS if she’s a good woman at heart; & putting down what it takes to show a man she sincerely loves him. Exclamation point. Period. In addition,  I don’t let a man attach a price tag to my love. Any price he’d attached I’d be offended because I’d think! the price should be higher..Why? Because my love, the Berna experience is priceless(& addictive..I’ve got witnesses ..both of my X’s read my blog..waving!) Y’all ready for this? Here I go..>

Before I dig deeper riddle me this..Any some women  may find this offensive; but it IS the way I feel about this topic. *** What IS the difference between a hooker & a woman who pawns off her love for money ?*** Absolutely NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Alright, now you know how I really feel about it, moving right along>

I’ve heard all sides of this debate..From women & from men..I’ve heard women barter off their services & their bills ..I’ve heard women date multiple men just to have them each pay on a different bill! Also heard men brag on what they’ve bought for a woman, as IF , that someone equates to love. It doesn’t! Not in my book.. Know why they think that? WOMEN have taught them that. And who taught women that bartering for love is an acceptable thing to do? Often times their own mothers; so it goes on from generation to generation. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree..Am I EVER glad my Momma never believed in that so she couldn’t teach it to me. >

I know there are women who won’t date men that don’t make a certain amount of money..I know there are women who it matters what type of car a man drives…They’re seeking the highest bidder; exchanging what is so called love for money. Is that love though?! Or is it just another form of being a hooker? I think I’ve made it clear what my answer is to that. Hooker mentality  ALL day long. Just because its sugar coated; doesn’t change it from what it is..Least that is the way I see it>

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Having said all of the above I’ve been spoiled ..I’ve been surprised with gifts when I didn’t anticipate them; NOR have I ever asked for any. One time myexhusband made a path of rose petals; with gifts along the way as I walked down the path. Awwwwww..that was not too long after I’d given birth..and I was feeling anything but sexy. And THAT was one of the best Valentine Days ever..Memories are very sweet; but it was never a requirement. What I’ve lived is when a man loves a woman; he will buy gifts to show her that. And although thats all good when deserved; what matters the most to me? Corny as it sounds to some; TIME spent. To me love is measured by HOW a man treats me; and that he’ll give his time to spend with me. Nothing can compare to quality time …>

So this is how I feel about women marrying for love or money..IF you marry for love; do NOT be shocked when you’ve got to DO unheavenly things. As a paid woman..well , I’ve leave y’all to fill in that blank. I don’t want to know what it feels like to be a paid woman! I also can’t imagine how a man feels to be just a big wallet to his woman..that is certainly one thing my “the one” won’t have to worry about.

 

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^Online DATING Sites..Love is a keystroke away or Losers-R-US?^

As always I’ve got something to say ..I’m not a good fence-rider at all; I usually tilt one way or another on just about any & everything under the sun. Literally…Want to know what my thoughts are on the prospect of looking for love online? This is the way I see IT>

I’ve wondered what type of person uses an online dating site..Wouldn’t they have to be desperate? Don’t they have enough social skills to meet & connect with someone in the offline real world? Haven’t we all heard the horrific horror stories from online encounters?>

How would you know IF a person was being honest on an online dating site? What motivates a person to resort to seeking love online? All of these questions and more come to mind…One would think with all of the potential scams that online dating would be declining. Yet, recent statistics show the number of people participating is climbing. Its at an all time high according to current stats=40 million folks in the U.S. have used online dating sites/140 million folks in China have used online dating sites./The Porn Industry blames its $74 million decline on online dating sites/Average length of courtship prior to marriage from online dating is 18.5 months. Average length of courtship prior to marriage from offline dating is 42 months/20% of single people have dated someone they met online/20% of newly committed people in relationships met on an online dating site…>

I recall after my divorce I said I’d never consider an online dating site..I’ve evolved in leaps & bound since then & have now learned to not utter the phrase” I’ll never do….” again. Life has a way of making us eat our words sometimes or better yet to re-think things. After all there are 2 sides to every coin, right? I’m  hardly desperate but I am highly selective(some call it picky) I think there is a difference between being picky vs. selective. I know what I want/what I need/my worth/my flaws/my weaknesses/my strengths/my best attributes/all that I have to offer a mate/and what I deserve in a man..>

Here comes the PUNCHline and if you’d  pre-guessed my opinion on this topic; it will blow your hair back>

I’m considered , and I totally agree!, to be an otherwise intelligent person..So why would I NOT contemplate broadening my love horizons by dating online?!? After much deliberation that is my new conclusion I’m quickly arriving at..surprise you?  More than sure it will surprise most of the people who know me well also! Theres more>

The flip side of my thoughts of online dating sites. A side B ..(anyone out there remember 45 records??? ) Get with the program and try to keep UP>

Its been said & proven one can meet a total freak!/killer/rapist/pervert!/selfish/UGLY/morally corrupt/& spiritually bankrupt person..on an online dating site. BUT can’t the same also be said for people we meet in offline circumstances? Remember backintheday when singles met & linked UP at clubs? AND, mind you, couldn’t even hear each other talk over the music?? Which setting IS a good place for singles to meet these days? Is Church the only place to meet a potential lifemate? The grocery market? Library?(can’t talk in there!..though I’ve tried hard to whisper..and discovered I don’t know how to whisper) What place these days affords those of us with oh-so-busy schedules to link up for potential love relationships?>


Well from my window seat and soon to be on the market..with my schedule?  IF I don’t get PROactive in the love game; I’ll be single for far longer than I have any intention of being..I refuse! Or at this rate & pace & selection-available-per-my-present-surroundings?!? I’ll soon either a. Be a Nun(lawd! even saying that is weirding me out. b. Lose my natural born mind from hormonal overdose c. adopt a child that needs a home to release all the love I have inside(awwww, honestly, that thought just entered my mind..BUT the idea was instantly reduced down to adopting  a puppy instead) So given the aforementioned options; I’ve thought of a few benefits of possibly  giving an online dating site a try>

#1 . Background checks are easy enough to have run for any reason..online or offline. If a potential meet had an issue with this; they just saved me the money of doing the background check.

#2. I have a high appreciation for a brother who can express himself in written form. And if he can write poetry? Major bonus. Communicating online would give me a chance to see how he or if he can write his thoughts out..Communication is a must in any relationship. Least if he can write it out; if we work out, he can write his thoughts on paper to me. By any means necessary

#3. With the loaded schedule I’ve got this mode of meeting my potential “the one” would really broaden my horizons. It would also allow us to communicate around both of our schedules. Talk about convenient!  Win-win situation until we decide on a meet & greet in person. (is that what they even call it ?)

I know people who have tried the online dating scene ..there are pro’s & con’s just as there are to dating offline. I also know people who  have married who met online & seem happy. Truth be told its not something I’ll be jumping into tomorrow or even next week. But I’ve come a long way to even considering it…and for me? Thats truly a progressiveness to thinking outside the box. I don’t think these days a woman can sit & wait for love to knock on her door. Seems far smarter to put myself in the ballpark if I want to play ball..and I DO. (those words have a beautiful ring to them…)

Anyone out there have an online dating experience worth sharing?

Posted in =Self Discovery=, LOVE, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

~Mental Seduction=Mental LOVEmaking~ The so very LOST art!

This topic needs NO introduction..So I’m going to dig right on in..Sounds like an easy task for an eligible man to accomplish, right? Seduce my mind; and U can have my body..for life. It is obviously anything BUT an easy task these days; or mayhaps because I’ve been in a self-inflicted & conflicted! ‘desert phase’ for far too long..What do I mean by that ya’ll might ask? Well , as usual, I’m going to do my best to try to explain; the way I see IT… >

~~Come, embrace my powers of provocation..4 this is…A very private invitation 2 my cerebral playground. A place where there  is no space nor time limits; only blissful moments filled with life’s most unkept secret to forever-heartcontentment=Love~Intimate quote from Berna

The standard has been set pretty much in stone; which might very well be what is stopping me from accepting anything less! When last I was IN love, a couple moons ago now, for an entire year my mind was kept totally captive…yep! totally..by someone who never laid a hand on me until a year passed. By time I realized I’d fallen in love..I’d already been in love with him . Miles apart yet minds linked in an unspoken vow ..How does that happen? And is it TOO much to hope for it to happen again & last until the end of all time? Or am I just a hopeless romantic; being greedy! enough to hope for another chance for a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence?

And yet..

with ALL ..

my Heart I believe ..

that the MIND is the BIGGest sexual organ we possess..

It was in yesteryears, it IS today, and it will be forever more. Exclamation mark. Period..So why is it so rare for it to be attempted? Is it a lost art that this generation wasn’t taught? Is it a forgotten ART that my generation got to lazy to USE? My thoughts invoke more thoughts & my questions bring on more questions..Is it only I that am stuck in a time warp of expectations & love anticipations? Accepting anything less seems like cheating myself out of the ultimate; a soulmate-lifemate-type-of-connection. It is what my soul craves. It is what my spirit yearns for. It is what my heart knows it deserves..

When in the world & how in the HELL did linking UP become acceptable instead?!? Friends with benefit for the sole benefit of sexual gratification for the now; no committment; no promised tomorrows..Wth? Is there a group of women somewhere who voted for this to BE OK? Because I didn’t get the memo..and I for one VETO that vote. Count me OUT. And please miss me with the ‘I’m just 2 OLD to be able to relate”..I can’t relate cause it makes no dang sense. It defeats the entire premise of all that good relationships are built ON.

Doesn’t anyone dance to love songs anymore?!?

I don’t know about ya’ll, but sometimes having convictions, can cause friction..Or least in my case at this point, lol! My mind/my brain/my sense of logic/my analytical side  knows the premise of what I wish for is the right thing to wait on..My heart on the other hand is wishing I’d re-think my decision. Its getting more difficult to let “the opportunities” pass me by..But is opportunity ever really an option IF it doesn’t contain all that we desire? Some folks say , Something (a relationship we aren’t totally fulfilled in..) is better than nothing(being single..) I so totally disagree…and just maybe if linking UP for a night or two wasn’t the “new norm” ; more folks would engage in mental seduction/DATING/courting. Oldskool ways will always work out for the best final outcome…how many keystrokes will it take for this generation to get IT? Or least that’s the way I see IT

Posted in LOVE, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

**IS Your LOVE Language BEING Heard?**

**I adore this topic..A good friend of mine said it was a must read years ago & he was right. Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages’ is one of the BEST books I’ve ever read..Do you know your love language? Do you know that its difficult to maintain a relationship; IF your spouse/significant other doesn’t know your love language? Later in this post I’ll reveal what my love language IS..never know my future last husband might be reading this! And hopefully ya’ll will share or reflect on what yours is..

^Before I get into my informal review of the book; I’m dropping a link for ya’ll to possibly discover what your love language IS. Just in case you don’t yet know ..Simply click on the link to take a brief, fun!, quiz to figure out what your love language is>

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

~

~Many of us have relationship questions prior to entering we (I) wonder…Is there a way to know if we’re a match? Once in a relationship we(I) wonder..How is it possible to keep the love strong & solid? Falling IN love isn’t something we have control over; but it takes a concerted effort to stay IN love. Mayhaps knowing what one’s own love language is could help in countless ways; those of us who want a HOME RUN when next we fall *in love* for the last time..Lets dig a bit deeper>

Personally, I don’t know what the statistics are for couples 2 share the same love language(s). And while I do know that opposite can surely attract; I feel when opposite love languages exist it takes more than communication to overcome. Ever wonder WHY your spouse or significant other just doesn’t seem to understand what you’re communicating? Ever heard the saying that sometimes love isn’t enough to make things work out forever? Been there, done that..and thankfully we’re still great friends. However , much as I adore my wonderful friends; I’m SO ready to be *in love* one last time…I’m also ready to do what it takes to make it last 4ever…So how does one identify & learn to speak their significant other’s love language? How does one learn what their own love language is? Allow me to dig yet a little deeper>

^First, let me say(especially since I know my ex reads me here, lol!) I’ve had wonderful love relationships. In order to have closure; I had to figure out what went wrong for it to end in friendship & the love didn’t maintain itself. Honestly? I think we just didn’t understand what the other’s love language was..Thus! we loved, loved!, loved yet there were needs not being met(I’m not talking about the physical needs…) Knowing & meeting those needs is the key to long, lasting love relationships. Or so it is my belief at this phase of my life. From my experiences & from seeing, first hand, how well my own parents marriage of 51 years works. (they can communicate without a word being said out loud…amazing to watch!) Yet, there is a far greater amount of folks who love each other ; who aren’t staying connected. And it is in those situations that sincerity plus love still isn’t enough…Staying IN love takes work! So lets tackle this list down quickly and I’ll use myself as an example. Ready? I am, so lets do this>

Words of Affirmation= For some folks actions do NOT always speak louder than words…Some folks need to hear the  infamous 3 words said@ ‘I love YOU’. And they need to hear compliments, kind words, plenty of words of appreciation. Alot! Try this daily once you learn your partner needs this. IF you don’t; they’ll tend to lean towards someone who DOES. And when you’re in love with someone..this shouldn’t be a hard task at all. Personally? This is something I do naturally! Even with my loved ones, friends, coworkers. Honestly? I’d not be with someone who didn’t speak to me in this way naturally..thus, this is NOT one of my love languages. This is the  basic way I communicate  & its what I’m attracted to. My preference? ACTIONS do speak louder than words. IF you say you love me; yet don’t show me you love me then that speaks volumes to me. And I won’t stay in that relationship. Exclamation point. Period. Moving right along…

Gifts=There are some women who get off on receiving lavish gifts. There are some men who get off buying lavish gifts 4 women. Its not supposed to be mistaken for materialism; but the thought & effort behind the gift. I feel differently…so this is NOT my love language. I don’t feel my love can be bought with gifts. My love is priceless! Therefore there is no gift that can match that…Having said that I adore receiving gifts ; but I’m also just as likely to give gifts. Even something as unique as I am..like a framed poem I’ve written especially for my significant other. In my world a gift doesn’t have to be bought or purchased. A cobbler made in my honor(I loved that!) can bring a big kool-aid grin to my face.(even if I have to work out extra hours its worth it lol!) Or a handpicked bouquet of flowers can also melt my heart in an instant…it is the little things that matter more to me. Priceless! Moving right along>

Physical Touch=This is MY #1  love language. I’ll readily admit it. I’m a toucher. I even talk in an animated manner , with my hands, when I’m excited. I hug when I’m happy to see my friends/relatives/church family/coworkers even from time2time. I think one way we connect is by..touch. Otherwise we’d be robots. I think its why God gave us 2 hands; so we could touch twice as much. I love holding hands! IF I grab your hand when we take a simple walk; it means I like you alot. This , I think, stems from my Mom holding hands with us when we were younger…Or maybe I like touch so much because I was breast fed. I don’t really know “why”; I just know thats the way I’m wired. I feel most connected to my significant other; when a part of our bodies are touching one another. I learned this about myself and it is highly important to know about me. Enough on this topic because I could go on & on 4ever…

Quality Time= This is my #2 love language without a doubt. For me spending quality time 2gether makes me feel as special as I am…I dig it alot! It means you care enough about lil ole me; to give me your undivided attention. Or taking time to do something that you know matters to ME. Like reading my blog and learning more about what makes me tick. Major turn ON..A walk along the beach alone. A picnic planned for ‘us’ by my significant other. Anything that involves ‘just us time” with NO distractions. Cell phones off, no T.V.’s, no contact with the outside world. I love it and I love it alot!

Acts of Service=This love language is one in which a person likes to serve their partner…These things are done with love because one wants to please their partner by DOing for them. Its something that comes so naturally for me , that I don’t consider it as a love language of mine. My Mom is big on this one and passed it on to me..We do as an expression of our love not obligation.

Well folks thats a wrap!  Hope you enjoyed something new you can use in your relationship/future relationship. I enjoyed writing it & re-hashing the book . Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in "Just for fun", ***DPCHALLENGE, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

>>WHY are MEN so CLUELESS?!?>>

Before anyone out there gets all UPtight..this post is ALL in fun. It is a direct piggy-back female version to Opinionated Man’s blog post called ‘Women are Crazy’. I thought it would be cool, challenging and FUN to also poke fun at a couple things about MEN..Going to try my best to match his wit/skills. ~

>Mayhaps the best way to open the door to this topic wide right out the gate is to begin with the..Remote Control. I’ll keep it simple guys so there should be NO issue with understanding the message. I took a vote from as many women as I could gather up and the general consensus is this= Ya’ll can HAVE total control over the T.V. remote control;  as long as you agree to ALWAYS put the toilet seat down. Deal? Alright, cool moving right along…

>Now here is a whopper. WE women voted unanimously  on this one= We’ll serve you breakfast in bed every morning/run your bath water/have dinner cooked when you get home from work/get UP in the middle of the night to get you a glass of water/never “claim” to have a headache when you wake us UP in the middle of the night for some loving, etc etc yada yada..as long as you NEVER take issue with the few times we might ask you to pick up our feminine products. Don’t trip..trust me on this one, NO ONE in the store will think its  yours! Deal? Alright cool lets move on I’m just getting started..

>This is sans a GPS system or mapquest..Alright guys we figured it out. WE know when you know that we’re lost! We also will let ya’ll fake the funk for a while driving around and around in circles..We’ll also act as if we didn’t see the same streets and buildings already the first 3 times we passed them. Ok? But it might be nice, every once in a while, if you just admit it and say, “Know what baby;  I have NO clue where we are or how to get where we’re going!” And then just stop to ask someone else for directions. *slapping forehead* Enough said, moving right along…

>Guys? Please stop believing dubious relationship tips your guy friends are passing along to you. Every woman deserves to be treated /trusted based on her OWN merit. Same as you wish to be regarded/treated/respected…ya’ll having fun yet? There is more…

>When your woman says ‘Lets talk baby’ for the love of God don’t trip! It doesn’t mean she is dumping you(unless you know you’ve been messing UP badly…) ..what it means it she wants your undivided attention to talk about something that is important to her. Keep in mind women get oxytocin from having deeeeep , meaningful talks with you.(also from nursing babies & sex) Whereas men mainly get the same from having sex! Don’t believe me? Google it… So just relax/LISTEN/ and things will go smoothly so you can get back to  your fave T.V. show. Agreed? I’m almost finished now…

>Guys? There is NO reason to start an argument or worse LIE to go hang with your guy friends. Matter of fact a mature, self confident , self assured woman..knows you NEED your male-bonding time. So go have a good time; you deserve it. Grown folks need their own space sometimes..its normal..but to lie about it or start an argument over foolishness is a deal-breaker. Gets negative amount of brownie points in my world. Honesty still counts with some of us

>A few “nevers”= NEVER call your woman a Bi_ch! I don’t care if she is acting like one; don’t call her out of her name with this word. It is one of the worst things a man can call a woman. And IF she acts like this on a consistent basis..then perhaps you need to re-evaluate what type of woman you’re attracted to. There is no need for such ugliness…Also NEVER ask your woman if she’s gained a few pounds. Do NOT make any comment even close to , fat. Now she might very well be blowing up weight wise..but a wise man won’t tell her that. Oh! if she is acting cranky; never, EVER, even on a bad day say that its cause she is on her period..let her say it. But you better not . Don’t say I didn’t warn ya’ll..Alright, here comes my last one…

>Last but not least..stop saying we don’t value your opinion. We do! Most of us anyway..we’d not be with YOU if we didn’t respect you/adore you/need you/desire you/love you. Which includes respecting your male perspective..there is nothing more comforting to a woman than to hear her man’s honest opinion. Why? Because we know he has our best interest at heart and has our back…At the end of the day WE can’t live without ya’ll. Man and WOman weren’t  meant to live without love. And that takes 2. Love is what makes us thrive and flourish..and everyone, wants to be loved. The beautiful thing about a relationship is when it works! And it takes 2 people who accept each other with  flaws/faults..none of us are perfect. Love is worth putting up with a few minor issues..or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in "Just for fun"

******If YOU came with instructions what would your label read?******

…Ever wonder what instructions you’d come with IF people came with a label? Do you think that might make getting to know a person easier? Or would it take away from the beautiful process of getting to know someone? How about IF we came with a warning label? I’ve got quite a list in mind for instructions/warnings I’d come with..One has to know themselves pretty well to do this exercise..Be honest; but have fun with it!

>My label would read= Handle with care; contents are special!  Give tons of affection and LOVE, love , love required for maximum usage. No batteries required; but sincerity/trust/communication are mandatory. Product will yield tenfold in return. Keep near water;i.e. the beach! for product’s full potential and results will be beautiful, serene, and full of laughter and warmth.> My warning label would read=IF you don’t feel like talking or listening to product talk(product even talks with their hands in animated & energetic fashion when wound UP) do NOT push the ON  button! And last but not least & highly important; owner MUST keep their own batteries re-charged..product is highly, highly energetic and full of life! If owner doesn’t require batteries for charging; eat your wheaties & vitamins… !

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, LOVE, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>NO Surrogates Wanted^ Authenticity is Mandatory

I’ve made it no secret..I’m just about ready to open the door (& my heart) to dating..Its time and yet my self-imposed “dating” hiatus has been good for me & to me..Nevertheless, there are a few things I’d like to say before embarking upon this new journey. I know ya’ll have heard of this phrase and if not I’ll do my utmost best attempt to explain..I think many people aren’t comfy on dates. Far too often folks send in their “representative”! (this is a term Chris Rock rightfully made infamous; and its so true) Instead of coming as “they are” ; they’re too busy trying to say all the right things/do all the right things/and BE all the right things. When in reality there is no “right” way to be yourself. All one has to do is just feel free enough to just; BE. Or least that is what I desire and nothing less will suffice…

Alright I’m finally back; lets DO this. Ready to get knee-deep into this topic? Well, I am! But first just a bit of background music; so ya’ll know exactly where I’m coming from. And the state of being I’m finally ready for once again..after long last. Music is one of the great loves of my life; is there anything that isn’t better when music is added?

~You know that person you present when you go for a job interview? The one who is all set to sell themselves to the MAX;  but just might “bend” the truth a little bit? That is YOUR representative..Does the you that goes on first dates have more in common with your “rep”; than you give yourself credit for? Hmmmm I truly hope, pray!, none of my first dates wind up with the real ME; meeting someone’s “rep”..Lets see if I can briefly explain why. (I am after all still working on my brevity issue)

While I think its perfectly normal to put one’s best foot forward on a date..I encourage people to be “confident” enough to be; YOU. If the connection is “right & tight”; then it might just possibly work out for at least a 2nd date..I think we can all agree that dating is meant to be = the opportunity to spend quality time getting to know one another better. IF one or more of the pair sends their “rep” instead; the potential of there being a true connection is pretty rare..Especially if when the “real” person shows up(perhaps on date 3 or 4) ; the person who was “duped” a. might not like the real person as well as they did the “rep” b. might be so peeved they were deceived they want nothing to do with either you or your rep!

What I like the person to do that I’m on a date with IS…relax! I obviously thought there was something special about YOU(or whoever I’m on the date with) ; or I’d not be spending time with you. I’ve an allergy to wasting time..especially my precious time. And I’m respectful also to not waste anyone else’s precious time. I dig confident brothers! So what I think is really awesome on a date is; when my date lets his light shine. And let it shine naturally without being forced or faked. I can smell sincerity and I’ve a really good “vibe” radar. I almost swear I can feel good vibes radiate from a person..

At this point in my life journey I’m SO comfy in my own skin…I no longer try to fit my square peg; into round holes. I’m about as real as they come; and what you see is what you get! Well, IF I discover  my date is my “The One” that is..

I respect folks who are genuine. I dig that alot…I’ve got a knack for making people feel at ease & comfortable in my company. I love to laugh and I laugh alot! And laughter is contagious..

So what I’m hoping is that since I’m bringing “me” to my dates; my dates will be bringing the real “them”. Whether we end up as more than friends or not; I guarantee we’ll have a good time! There aren’t too many things I do socially that fun isn’t involved..I’m from New Orleans and we work hard & play hard. So ya’ll wish me luck and lets hope I don’t meet any dates’ reps. Because sooner or later(when my The One shows up on a date) I’m going to meet the man that was born to love only me…And when ,over time, its clear to me he is my The One? This is what I’ll say…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, LOVE, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

@@@@@@@@LoverLESS Valentines Day@@@@@@@@

Been holding off on this but I’ve got 2 release…Ready? Get set! Here I GO

I’ve not spent many Valentine Days single. Matter of fact this is the longest time frame I’ve ever been single..the real trip is its been self-imposed/necessary for my self-growth/and I’ve purposely squeezed something to DO in almost every minute of each and every day. I’m busy trying to get closer to my GOD given life purpose! And must finally admit to myself and I guess to ya’ll too  since I’ve taken on this daily blog venture..THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS I MAKE IT LOOK. I’m very much a novice at this…and OMG lately I think my hormones are multiplying. Wth? I thought nearing 50 my hormones were supposed to be decreasing???!??? How old do I have to be for that to happen? Lawd! Still getting a pimple a month at 50  can’t be normal..is it? Or maybe being 50 and celibate (is causing it) isn’t normal?!? Hmmmm well my norm has never been the norm for most..So anyways moving on with the topic at hand. Ya’ll really , really ready ?

I tried to resist feeling like this as Valentines drew near..I truly did! I even decorated at work in honor of Valentines Day, day of LOVE(my fave…), even though I was/am LoverLESS/ValentineLESS/boyfriendLESS/ManLESS..jeeeez thats alot of less. Yet, I don’t feel like a “less” in so many ways…at least 99%. But that ONE percent right now is  beyond frustrating to  me on days like this..when I stop for a minute and realize…OMG I’m not part of a love union. How did this happen? Although I know why and its been SO good for me to take a hiatus from love for a minute I still can’t help but ask that question. In my heart of hearts I know this was the way it was designed for me. But let me state again for the record THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS I MAKE IT LOOOOK

But WHY is this one day reserved for lovers anyway?!? And do men really dig Valentines as much as women?!? Flower shops/candy shops/lingerie shops & restaurants I’m sure dig Valentines even more than women…BUT don’t ya’ll want to be LOVED every day and NOT just shown love/appreciation on one day? Well I’ve got my hand raised high for that last option. For me its mandatory…

I can’t complain and I’m struggling not to; for this is something I said I wanted. A breather..although often times we know we need things/make things happen we know we need/and still it is not a cake walk. I just make it look like it IS; until nights like this. I feel like I’m coming quite UNglued..but this too shall pass. Right? It better Lol!

I’ve had great love in my life; and I know my last GREAT love is out there…As I’ve said before I know he’s searching for me. *waving hands in the air HERE I am!* I’ve grown to know that love involves patience..and I’m just practicing for that while I remain patient while waiting on it. And when my “the one” comes strolling into my life I’ll create free time for him. I hope he is as  antsy about this Valentines approaching as I am…that means he’ll find me soon! Or least that is my interpretation.

So for all of ya’ll out there who are going to be linked UP for Valentines Day; my wish is you’ll stay IN love for years to come. For me? I don’t require candy/flowers/lingerie(though truth be told I love flowers & lingerie…) for V-Day; just give me love, love , loveeeeee, LOVE 365 days of the year.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, LOVE, Positive Movement Topic, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*Lovers Lesson 101: Think With Your HEART*PostaDay^Berna’s Way..

**This is one of my fave topics in the entire world. In this life time. LOVE..So kick back, get comfy, grab a snack because I’m on ONE this morning! And I’m ready to talk about love; the way I see IT. Sorry folks but I can’t think like a MAN. Though I’ve got the “Act Like A Lady” part well practiced & lived for years. Why can’t I think like a MAN? Quite simply because I’m not one! And though I can “appreciate” my bro Steve Harvey’s “opinion” on love matters…I’ve got my own. Comes quite naturally for me 2 think with my heart & its mandatory that my future man be capable of doing the same. Here I go!  I’m diving IN head first…

**For the YOUTH I hope, and pray! ya’ll don’t let the mass “failure” , yep! I said it, of love relationships scare you from falling IN love. I hope you find a good example out there, somewhere, of a solid, true love relationship to have some guidelines @what a loving relationship even looks like. As I’ve matured  & trying to age oh! so gracefully I’ve come to learn alot of folks don’t have that..I’ve met far few people who are from homes that weren’t broken; than not. I’m blessed in many, many ways..took me so long to come to realize that. Might sound like bragging but it is simply the truth. Fighting the urge to digress ….Simply said as a child of life long parents IN love/still married/life partners; I had no excuse to fail at marriage. Right? Mayhaps…so instead of beating self UP(done enough of that over the years..) I’ve decided to look back on my love relationships, briefly, to discern what the lesson was/IS. My sum UP(a Berna’ism) from experiencing being “in love” 3 times; is that I’m pretty dang fortunate. Only married one of them and friends still with all 3 of them…Let love begin with friendship. Why? Because love that is allowed to grow from a friendship; never ends. You’ll no longer desire to be in a union with them; but you’ll always care for them as people. Lovers lesson #1=Choose good people with good hearts…It matters!

^There is NO substitute on this planet, in my humble opinion, than being IN love. A close runner UP to giving birth/life! to being the number 1 type of love one can experience on earth. Letting go of one’s heart strings is worth risking possibly being hurt…It has taken me years to truly believe that and to be ready once again. Being ready to love means trusting someone with your prized possession..Your HEART. For some of us that are so used to being control freaks; letting go to BE loved is not an easy task. Especially when one has been hurt before…If you’re young and have already been hurt you must first forgive whoever hurt you. And then let that hurt and pain GO. There is no chance for new love if you’ve not done that first…Exclamation mark. Period!

Love IS how you feel when in the company of the object of your affections!  That is how one falls IN love..When someone else’s heart links UP with yours. Sometimes very quickly. Yep, I’m a believer in love at first sight. Not just from a visual perspective but when 2 hearts and 2 souls link UP from the onset…Has happened to me once and it was as  real as real can BE. With love even the impossible is quite possible…

I think women and men are as different as any two things on this planet…I feel GOD made us soooo different to always keep things exciting/fresh; and far from boring. Just trying to link UP 2 such different ways of thinking takes alot of effort/time/patience/trust/RESPECT/understanding/COMMUNICATION..and when alll of that syncs UP it is something that NO one(no man, no woman!, nor creature) can break apart. Solid as a rock; Ashford & Simpson wrote a song about that once. But! thatsbackwhentheymadeREALsongswithREAL lyrics…

Think with your heart and trust the feelings that come about because of it…Try hard to remember IF it is meant to be; it will BE. So don’t attempt to force love. Don’t settle for ANYTHING less…if you think with your heart it is easy to discern real love from lust. For the younger woman out there never forget this=ANY man can lay down with you and have SEX…Takes “the man” your “the ONE” to make love 2 you; he will take you 2 heaven mentally! He’ll fill your thoughts ALL throughout the day and every  single one of your dreams at night…I wish for ya’ll the same thing I’ve prayed for & know will enter my world this year. I can feeeeeel IT coming…Instead of just saying I’m waiting on my “the ONE” I’ve got a new name for it. I’m waiting on *MY BARACK OBAMA * to find me! Not Michelle’s(she better be glad she snagged him first cause there is a longggg line of us who wanted to be #1 ) but a different one with the same qualities(ohhh he loooooks at her with such LOVE) ; one that was created/born! just to love ME. And on that note I’m signing off….Until I read ya’ll/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed! 4 ever sincere, Berna(the 1 n only)