Posted in =Self Discovery=, Health Matters*

>>Body Image>>When Is It Good Enough? It’s A Woman Thing ..

First, a few facts>>

Body image is the way that someone perceives their body and assumes others perceive them. This image is often affected by family, friends, social pressure and the media

People who are unhappy with their bodies and don’t seek healthy nutrition information may develop eating disorders..Eating disorders are unhealthy relationships with food that may include fasting, constant dieting, or bingeing and purging

Body image is closely linked to self-esteem<

Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape..Unfortunately, only 5% of women naturally possess the body type often portrayed by Americans in the media

58% of college-age girls feel pressured to be a certain weight..58%!

Studies show that the more reality television a young girl watches, the more likely she is to find appearance important

More than 1/3 of the people who admit to “normal dieting” , will merge into pathological dieting..Roughly, 1/4 of those will suffer from a partial or full-on eating disorder

In a survey, more than 40% of women and about 20% of men agreed they would consider cosmetic surgery in the future..The stats remain relatively constant across gender, age, marital status and race..WOW

Students, especially women, who consume more mainstream media, place a greater importance on sexiness and overall appearance than those who do not consume as much

95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25

Only 10% of people suffering from an eating disorder will seek professional help

Only 4% of women globally consider themselves beautiful..

This topic has become personal for me as of late..First, time in my life(at 51 yrs of age no less!) I’ve realized I’ve got body image issues..Even though I’ve clawed and fought my way back from becoming overweight post-surgery & in full-blown menopause; it still isn’t enough. Even getting back into my pre-surgery sized clothes isn’t enough.. Mind you I was almost scared into keeping fibroids versus gaining weight..Who would rather risk possibly gaining Cancer over gaining a few pounds????? From the list above I’ve done it ALL with the exception of purging & cosmetic surgery..But I’m forever going on meatless week stints, gave up all juices/carbonated drinks, skipping meals, squeezing in speed walks in lieu of leisure week lunches, biking, treadmilling, weight lifting, and of course my beloved weekly raw veggie smoothie detox drinks(which I’ll probably drink for the rest of my life..

So just this weekend I found myself giving solicited advice to my bestie about losing weight..And out of my mouth came the words@ “Don’t diet. Diets don’t work for us, because we wind up feeling deprived & fall off.. Just adjust your lifestyle little by little & eating habits in increments & exercise more..Start slowly on the green raw veggie drink..” When I got home I realized I was telling her something I wasn’t practicing! I wanted her to start off in a healthy manner; yet when I want to quick drop pounds I dang near starve myself..I’m always hungry! Stomach growls seem normal..Today I caught myself trying to climb 2- 3 stairs at once(butt lifting exercise) while on my cell & almost fell..Not cool!

I decided to reach out in honesty ..Calling out all/any woman reading this..WE have got to stop this never-ending cycle of pushing for the perfect body image..I can’t imagine how this life-long behavior would’ve impacted the daughter I always yearned for , yet never birthed..Thankfully , I can sincerely say this wasn’t taught to me by my own Mom..She taught me always to love me for ME..Yet, even with constant & consistent positive reinforcement from parents/significant others/countless passerbys/friends? Still find myself pushing for something more..It was somewhat comforting to read the above statistics; for a moment. I’m not ALONE in this struggle for the perfect body. It is deeper than just being vain..But when does it stop??? When is good enough(& healthy!) , enough??

IF one can’t be honest with self in their 50s; probably won’t ever be! Naked truth exposed feels pretty liberating & hopefully admitting it can lead to positive change..Anyone out there that can relate & would like to share?

Posted in =Self Discovery=, @Cultural

^Pondering Emotion

Ponder this…

**Do we think a certain way because of the emotions we feel, or do we feel emotions because of how we think? **

Sigmund Freud believed that mental illness came from ‘repressed emotions’ in the unconscious mind. He believed that release & acceptance of these denied or repressed emotions & memories were VITAL for mental health. If this emotional energy wasn’t released , Freud noted it led to physiological symptoms and illnesses…>> Memorized this many moons ago when I studied psychology..For some reason or other , this Freudian tidbit came to mind while reflecting on why my emotions free-fell to anger after watching a video clip last night..

A friend sent me a video clip last night..My first reaction to it was anger..Not seething; but full of passion! And immediate..So much so that I didn’t finish watching the clip until much later..Curiosity forced me to finally watch it. At the time I didn’t realize why it made me feel angry..I’ve not “personally” experienced the sentiment expressed in the video clip..Yet , I took it personally. It was hard to watch and swallow..As a Black woman it hurts to feel judged & stereotyped(as a group) by everyone–especially those that we’ve stood by ALL of our lives. Black men. I later realized my feelings of anger directly translated to ; my realization of the myriad of reasons the gap is getting larger @The disconnect between Black men & women. As a single Black divorcee that makes me “feeeeeel” sad, disappointed, abandoned, a sense of betrayal and yep, angry…Briefly! We’re all freeee to do who! or whatever we choose to do..But dang, dangit & dayuum why heave us under the bus! The description @Angry Black Woman has never been applied to me as an individual; but it doesn’t mean I can’t/don’t/and won’t express and feel anger from time to time..We live in a culture that views expressing anger as taboo. My personal belief? Holding it in & denying it isn’t good for our spirit..I’m hopeful to write more on that & this topic at a later date… So anyways, that led me to ponder/reflect/wonder why we feel the emotions we do..Just wanted to give a little backstory on the prompt of the thoughts that inspired this piece ..Again I pose the question@ ** Do we think a certain way because of the emotions we feel, or do we feel emotions because of how we think?**

I’m sharing the actual clip in the spirit of seeking insight..Curious what , if any, emotions are evoked when y’all take a peek. From any perspective..As a woman. As a man. Of any race..In my experience emotion transcends all..Especially the greatest which , of course, is love! But I digress and badly.. If you feel the need to share then just know this is an emotion-friendly zone! Let it flow…



Special thanks to my friend for , again, broadening my scope of knowledge

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>>GAME Changer..America’s Teachable Moment@Ray Rice

..MAJOR SOCIETAL FAILURE** >>When a woman is figuratively RAPED in front of the entire world over & over & over again as she’s victimized repeatedly ..The point has been made clear by the NFL @WE don’t believe women. WE think they are wrong & we’ve got to be convinced they’re right… So, here is my breakdown of how many times Janay Palmer was victimized since Ray Rice PUNCHED her in the face this past February & knocked her out cold! >>

First a FACT that the NFL might want to take note of(Or more so) ..Especially with the “indefinite suspension” for Ray Rice. In my humble opinion? He should be banned for life from playing professional football. I’ll get back to that later..Over 45% of football fans are women. Go figure..A traditionally male-oriented , very often female-exclusionary sport has a fan base of almost half female. Many of us have watched it right along side our husbands/partners/Dads/sons..Some of us love it! Having said all of that..If the men of the NFL won’t man up & stand UP against violence towards women(I simply don’t believe they’d not seen enough evidence to dump Ray Rice when they gave him the 2 game suspension..) Then the women of the NFL should and need to. If half its fans don’t tune in or buy NFL products??? I bet it wouldn’t take a TMZ released video for the NFL to do the right thing next time! Come on now..A celebrity gossip entity can get the full video & the NFL couldn’t have?? Wasn’t it already clear what happened in that elevator with even the first video of Ray DRAGGING unconscious Janay ??? Does anyone expect Goodell to say , NOW , that he made a right decision with the first suspension?? A guesstimated 375,00 women attend NFL games each weekend of the season..Alot of moolah is on the line. However, what I really feel is on the line is the sentiment about women in America>>

Back to the list of ways Janay Palmer was victimized>>

#1. When Ray Rice punched her(like she was a grown MAN) in the face..Every picture I’ve found of Rice, alone, he’s pointing to his enormous muscles. Yet? He instantly responded to the situation by punching the mother of his child. He could’ve simply lifted her off her feet to calm the situation. I’ve heard not one report on her injuries..Not one.

#2 Janay was next victimized when, from the onset, the Ravens minimized her assault. It was called “a distraction” in their star player’s life.

#3 She was forced to sit in front of the media & the ENTIRE world in an interview..Apologizing for her role in being punched in the face..WTF & OMG..I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. And America sat back in full acceptance. The game must go on at any cost. Right?

#4 When Rice’s lawyer said it was “completely hypothetical” Panay instigated and Rice was in defense mode. Later the justice system, didn’t even pursue full charges against Rice. Hmmm big money talks & at times it truly is a man’s world. Still even in 2014>>

#5 When the NFL’s powers that be, somehow didn’t see enough evidence to punish beyond a 2 game suspension. Why wasn’t a request made to gain access to the entire video? Major League Baseball got evidence during the Biogenesis scandal, right? Yet, the NFL (btw the # 1 American sport & quite powerful..) couldn’t get a tape from a hotel??? Poppycock!

#6 By Ravens cheering fans when Rice returned to the field. WOW..Enough said.

#7 The full footage of the incident being released to the world last Monday. Truly an invasion of Janay’s privacy! As IF it wasn’t enough for the entire world to have seen her dragged out that elevator like a cave dweller..I won’t post that video clip as a visual for that reason. It’s been seen enough and too much as it is..Shouldn’t have been necessary to reveal so much.

The final painful thing to occur is that many(one was too many…) blamed Janay Palmer. That somehow something she DID or said provoked her to get punched..As IF..Why is it the woman always gets the burden of proof??? Casted as being mentally imbalanced, or as gold digger, or dressed provocatively, or simply saying something to rile a man UP..Lawyer’s use this(as Rice’s did…) time & time again. Because it works! Why? Why is it a woman’s word(especially with supporting evidence…) isn’t a good as a man’s? It is a deep cultural misunderstanding of how violence operates , to think that the victim incites the abuse. How about a person using self-control(some dang discipline!) & keeping their hands OFF another person? Especially when they dominate over them in size/weight/physical power? Football is a sport driven with aggression and violence. That is no secret..When played with great sportsmanship it is a sport many enjoy watching and playing. I get that!(though I readily admit football has never been a sport I adore) And when that aggression is left on the field, where it belongs, it can’t impact innocent others who aren’t football players. If they want to beat their own bodies up to a broken down mess by time they reach their 40s & 50s..So be it! Humans though are habitual in nature..I’m more shocked this isn’t a more wide-spread issue. Youth hormones + amped up testosterone + aggression training + the coddling athletes receive..The potential is there..As a woman I’d have felt better if Ray Rice had been banned for life from the inception of the first video being released..Immediate. At least then it would’ve been obvious how the NFL(or rather the men in power calling the shots…) felt about women. It is as if they didn’t believe (or care..) about Janay Palmer’s opinion or well-being. Not one bit.. Furthermore, I don’t believe no one in the NFL saw that full video. The burden of proof should be on them to PROVE they are in full support of women’s rights..Nothing less than banning Rice will prove that. An example needs to be set. Let him use his millions to seek continual therapy..Rice needs to question his own ethics..Why did he allow the mother of his child to be pimped out in an interview? Amongst other questions. This isn’t just a football matter. It is personal. I’ve already spoken before about how I feel about violence..Didn’t physically discipline my sons/ I’ve never been in a physical fight/ I don’t feel war is a necessary tool except in self defense…We live in a time when education is made more & more accessible and excessive technological advances..Yet bohemian and heathenish(is that a word???) behavior is viewed as a mere “distraction” ..When such a great deal of people could cast Janay Palmer at fault in her own assault; instead of feeling compassion for her as a victim. As a society we’re in trouble!! ..Good self-esteem isn’t something we’re born with. It is cultivated, nurtured and taught! A great deal of lessons learned are from what we see..And the way I see it? The NFL needs to be clear on its stance against violence away from the field. Can’t sit on the sidelines & make the right decision only after the truth comes to light. Women are more than just potential profits and should be treated as such. Not just during football season either. All the time.

Posted in ^Political

I’m READY for Hillary! Get Ready..Get Set…NO doubt she will run

I’ve seen this bumper sticker more and more these days..There are a couple of things I’m very sure of.. No doubt in my mind Hillary will run for President in 2016..No doubt in my mind she’ll win the Democratic nomination. Hands down there isn’t anyone even remotely close in the rear-view mirror..One of the things I hate though is the coy approach..Say you’re going to run already! Jeez.. Over two million supporters and 50,000 grassroots donors rallying for a potential Hillary run..Having said all of this I’m still very much an Obama cheerleader & supporter(both elections) ..But I’m also very ready to see a woman run for & become POTUS in 2016. Had enough of the suspense/hints/foreplay though..It is time! Are you ready for Hillary?


Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

IF *Men* Went Thru This ‘ISH..There would BE A Fool Proof CURE

DISclaimer: This post isn’t meant to offend any woman out there experiencing symptoms of Menopause..I’m sharing this in the spirit of sharing & hopefully enlightening others going through IT..My best cure at this moment and many moments of my life ; is to use humor. IF not at this point??? I’d probably spend this entire day in tears(hormones & emotions are literally all over the place today..) But I just refuse to sink down to that level..I’m from good stock and that simply isn’t an option! )

So hang onto your cap, hats, wigs & weaves folks cause I am truly ON one today..Here I go
>>

I had to cancel ALL of my plans for last night & today..I am SO not happy about that! Heck, I was supposed to go skating for the first time in years tonight(and Lord knows I was looking forward to that!) Had to pay my respects to a loved one last night; I missed that! I was due a candle-lit gourmet dinner tomorrow night & more than likely I’ll have to cancel..Ugh! Dayuuuum! *SIGH* All I can barely manage on this day is keeping still as possible..I can’t lie; half the day I’ve been butt-naked. Next minute?? I’m scrambling to lay under my blankets & comforters..Don’t know whether I’m coming or going today..Fighting tears; for what?? Everything! Next minute? I can’t stop laughing at stupid commercials..My thoughts/emotions are flowing from A to Z..One minute? I’m combing the internet looking for a puppy I can adopt..STOP myself mid-keystroke..I really don’t want to have to curb my busy lifestyle to tend to a pet..BUT awwww I could love on him & pet him & walk him. Willing myself to STOP those thoughts..Next minute? I’m combing the internet to find solutions to these symptoms..Lawd, right now I am HATING menopause!>>

The facts are indisputable..Menopause symptoms are REAL. Though there was a time in our history, that it was perceived that women were just crazy..That mayhaps women were dreaming UP these symptoms..I recall not understanding years back when my Mom went through THIS..One minute she was hot & the next cold..I didn’t take it seriously nor did I realize how gracefully she endured..Let the record SHOW; I apologize Mama. I believe !>>

75% of women will experience menopause symptoms in their lives..That is alot of chicks! Yet the most effective cure is risky ..Estrogen therapy IS now associated with breast cancer & heart attacks. WtF? So either a woman has to take a chance of those two BAD options; just to feel GOOD /normal/100%/like herself??? Pfft! Three months ago before my full-hysterectomy, I vowed I’d wing this without hormonal replacement..After all I’ve birthed sons sans meds so I can DO it! BUT that was before the hot flashes began to hit..And now they’re increasing & intensifying..OMG oh the wondrous joys of being a woman!>>

For anyone that hasn’t experienced a hot flash..IF you’re a woman odds ARE; one day you will. Know what it feels like? Feels like all of a sudden you’re ON FIRE from the inside out..And it hits suddenly; and slowly runs its course. It is said MAX length of one is 5 minutes..But honestly? I’m willing to bet no woman going through one has timed it..Feels like an eternity! When mine first started I used to try to play it off..I get surprised mid-sentence; all of a sudden just HOT as hell. But people always noticed anyways, lol. It is tough to look “cool” when your body is on fire. Now? I don’t even try to fake it..I announce it@ Look I’m going through a flash so give me a minute to melt.Shiiiiit. >>

I’ve got questions..WHY is it that women have suffered/dealt with menopause since the beginning of time; yet there isn’t a practical, safe solution? WHY is it we have to go through this trial & error stuff? WHY is it products we’re told help? Later polls/surveys discover they’re NOT helping? Example= Soy products. WHY is it antidepressants is listed as a viable solution?? I’m NOT going on drugs to make me a walking zombie..Plus women are then addicted to those! I don’t need a mood enhancer..My MOOD was fine before I was going through dizzy hot spells..WHY is it women at younger & younger ages are experiencing menopause symptoms? (I know women in their late 20s & 30s who have..) WHY is it SO many women are getting ovarian cysts & fibroids? (thus making hysterectomy necessary) Could it BE all of the chemicals they’re pumping INTO our meats/foods? Hmmmmmm…WHY can’t we take money from the Space Program & instead INVEST in women’s health??? Truth IS majority of us can’t afford a round-trip ticket to outer-space. BUT we all know a woman we want to be healthy & happy, right? Aging is normal..And when Momma is happy; everyone is happy. And when she isn’t…she is doing a heck of a job COPING. Oh, the joys of being a woman. WE can and WILL do this! >>

So far what I’ve learned..There ARE things a woman can do to cope with menopause naturally…Drink less caffeine. Much as I love my coffee; post-surgery I’ve cut down alot..Alot. Drink more water. I practice but am amping up my amount..Drink more green raw veggies..I thankfully have been doing this for almost 2 years..Never knew it was good for menopause symptoms..It IS..I’ll be amping up my amount..Exercise! I already do; but will be amping up the amount of exercise I do..I learned today it is the BEST solution to menopause symptoms..Even when ‘ya feel like shit & don’t feel the energy to lift your ass out of horizontal position(which is the position I’ve been in most of this day) Get UP and exercise..I used my lightweights & hoola hoop today; although I feel like warmed over crap-O-la..If I can do it; everyone can. Eat more beans, fruits, miso soup…I’ve read thousands of posts online about how women cope with menopause; sans drugs/meds. Macrobiotic diet is something I’m soon going to try a couple days a week. Will update y’all to let you know how it feels. Yoga also seems to work for a great deal of women..Honestly, this is something I dabbled in earlier this year & then forgot about it. If its working for anyone reading this, feel free to share your experience..Matter of fact ; I’d like to hear feedback from anyone reading any menopause remedies..Venting this out has made me feel alot better! I knew it would. Will probably be back to my hyper-energized self tomorrow..This too shall/WILL pass>>Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in @Cultural

It is NATURAL …not…NAPPY *Black Hair*

The topic about Black American women and OUR hair issues keeps coming UP; so might as well go ahead and open it up for discussion…Again! Hang on tight though because I’m truly on 1 & going to write it out as I ride it out>>

Viola Davis: ‘I Took My Wig Off Because I No Longer Wanted to Apologize for Who I Am‘>>

Viola Davis recently said this & when I heard it? My eyes filled UP with tears! I didn’t realize until that moment that IS exactly what WE are doing anytime WE don’t wear our natural hair…And? That includes relaxing it. Even IF it’s a mild relaxer; which by the way would include ME. Oh, but this is such a personal topic..>>

First things first..The word NAPPY was not created to describe Black hair..That, sadly enough, is something Blacks did on their own. Using the word NAPPY as a negative note to Black hair in its natural state. Why, one might ask, would Black folks describe their OWN hair in a negative manner? Hmmmmm It would take going far back-in-the-day to pin down exactly when it was determined that wearing Black hair in its natural state was a BAD thing..Was it something Blacks sat down & thought of on their own? Or were they conditioned to believe their hair was ugly? >>

Allow me to backtrack for a minute…When I was a pre-teen the IN thing was to sport a fro! Yes, the 70s was a time of picks, fro’s, and afro sheen! Anyone out there remember those days??? Lawd, I had a natural curly fro SO big that it resembled this picture..(I really wish I could find the picture of me with me fro; if I find it later I’ll post it here..

Then suddenly it was no longer hip or cool to sport a fro…Next thing I know I’d have to sit for hours! having my hair hot pressed in our kitchen by my Mom..Took hours because I had/have a ton of hair..I clearly recall(even though it was a longgg time ago) the smell of the grease mixing with the heat & flinching if the hot comb got too close to my face>>

Fast forward a few years & next began getting my hair relaxed..Another process that took hours upon hours. By the time I left home as a young woman? I did NOT know how to style my own natural hair..Not only that I’d grown so used to having it in relaxed form; it became my idea of what it meant for me to look GOOD. To even think of wearing it in its natural thick state was a no-no…

Fast forward to the year 2013..There is a BIG movement of Black women wearing their hair in its natural state..Even my own Mom at 72 yrs of age finally went natural this year..And beautiful woman that she IS; she looks amazing and FREE>>

Recently Sheryl Underwood(who I dig as a comedian) made ugly comments about natural Black hair..Which she has since apologized for..BUT the damage is done! Problem is she said it in front of America; and more importantly TONS of Black children heard/saw/read her say it…I realize many Black parents don’t realize the message they send Black children when…a. relax or straighten their children’s hair b. use the word nappy to describe Black hair c. use the terms good & bad grains of hair…However, it keeps the mindset going from generation to generation that natural Black hair is not a good thing. And I’m of the opinion that doing so? Can cause severe identity issues..So much so that some Black adults do NOT even realize they’re held captive in the chains of slavery>>

Personally? I am absolutely ELATED every time I see a younger Sista sporting a natural hair style..And the conversations I’ve had with some of them & they say they REFUSE to straighten their daughter’s hair; due to the message it sends them? I love IT..Wigs & weaves has never been my style; but same message is being sent. And costly! Relaxers also though..Every 8 weeks I’m dropping mega bucks for someone else to do MY hair..That is money I could be buying shoes with. Lol! The good news? I’m inching closer & closer to transitioning over..BUT I refuse to cut my hair; I love the versatility of having long hair ..Can choose to wear it in so many , many styles; and I do. But once I find a professional that won’t charge me a grip to teach me how to make the transition? I WILL BE SPORTING A NATURAL ‘DO. Like these..>>

Anyone recently transition from relaxed to natural? If so, feel free to drop some tips..Lets rap!

Posted in Telling it like it 'TIS

>>>BEAUTY vs. BRAINS >>> For Grown Men Only * Poll Alert

Alright here we go that age OLD question@ Do MEN prefer beauty or brains when they chose their significant other? Or better yet IF y’all had to choose one or the other, beauty or brains, which would you choose when choosing your lady? And yep, this question is for men only. The topic came up with a male friend of mine & his response blew my hair back! Not that I was born yesterday nor am I naïve; I just thought things might have changed by now. Haven’t they? >>

Now I clearly understand the biological makeUP of men is different from women.. I get that! Men were created to have a strong drive to procreate with as many women as possible..Google it if you don’t believe me. And backintheday when I was a tad bit younger(and dating guys the same age..); I half expected the motives of men to be somewhat fueled by the above fact. Matter of fact like many other little girls my Daddy taught me long ago @ ‘ What most guys truly desire is what is between your legs..’ But , but doesn’t that change as we age, evolve and progress? In my heart of hearts , and this might sound naïve, I thought(or so I’ve been told by my suitors & exhusband) that when a man looks to choose his woman; he’s looking for far more than just SEX. Isn’t that the case for the majority of men? Let me take this one step further..>>

I love being a woman. Every single thing about being a woman..In the dictionary next to the word feminine should be a picture of ME. My favorite color is pink. I dig wearing dresses/skirts/and ultra feminine clothes during the week..All woman. Then again I also dig jumping in to my jeans & getting my strut ON. BUT just as men probably don’t want women to envision them as a big, fat wallet..I’d like to NOT just be thought of as just a pretty face. Long ago I recall a remark my Momma made..Right now I can’t recall who she was talking to; but I’ve never forgotten it. She said @’I am much more than just a pretty face you know!’ Exclamation mark. Period>>

So whats the scoop guys? And give up the non-censored straight-no-chaser answer..Because inquiring minds(all the women reading this…) really want to know. And us single ones; could truly use a heads UP for insight to how men think these days. Your opinion matters so the floor is yours..

Posted in Health Matters*, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

>50 Hours POST Remarkable Robot Assisted Radical Hysterectomy

UPdate 9/29/2013..This is the last post on this very personal topic..This past week I had my FINAL post op appointment..Yay! Upon physical exam all internal stitches are healing properly..Almost completely..My blood pressure is that of a 20something year old..WOW..Only menopause symptoms I’m having are raging hot flashes..But the good news IS the hot flashes are brief..I ride them out while remaining as still as possible & poof! it passes..My Doc said long as I feel I can handle menopause sans hormone replacement; I can ride this out naturally. Which is my choice. So full release from Doc & onto the next phase of my life..Again, I do hope this ultra-personal account of my surgery helps someone deliberating the decision to have this surgery performed. I can’t lie; I was VERY afraid before making my mind up to have this type of surgery..But once my mind was made up & I’d prayed over it; the rest was gravy. Oh, & with the help of EXCELLENT pain medication Lollll. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4EVER Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

UPdate= Today marks the one month anniversary of my surgery..For those reading that will have this surgery there IS good news! A month out the pain is in my rear-view mirror; and as each day passes the back view is further & further behind me..ALL cramps have ceased; finally! Intestines are almost settled fully back into position; just a tiny bit of a tummy bump to show there is a short ways yet to go. But ALL vital organs working fully , no infection, internal stitches finally! stopped itching ..Still following doctor’s order not to bend over nor lift anything over 5 lbs nor bathe(showers only) and of course no sexual activity..Final post -op appointment is on the 24th & I fully expect being released to 100% status. Which means I can finally work out again! Woooo hoooo..Drinking glowing green raw Kale smoothie 5 times a week , I feel, helped me to heal even quicker than anticipated. Plus my body craved(and I gave in…) sleep; so most nights I’m getting a full 8 – 9 hours of sleep. Rare indeed for me..Will probably close this post out after my final-post op. My unsolicited non-professional advice for anyone who needs to have a full hysterectomy? This is a GREAT sure-fired way to get it done with the quickest amount of down recovery time…Rough on the body; but worth it!(and if you’re in good shape it can be done; even at 50 yrs of age)

UPdate= 1.5 weeks out from surgery I’m in FULL recovery mode..1st post-OP was just 2 days ago; my Doc says all is very well! My pathology report came in & the mass was NOT malignant. Yay! Note for anyone who is considering this surgery..I did have a fibroid on my uterus; that was NOT detected in the cazillion pre-tests I’d have pre-surgery..So please keep in mind things can be discovered once you’re opened up; that aren’t seen prior. My internal stitches are itching like crazy! I’m still using pain meds due to bowels still settling back into their rightful position…Other than that I’m riding it out , trying to get used to doing absolutely nothing, waiting on the moment I can return back to my highly active routine..

I’m about 50 hours out from my first ever surgery. The very day before surgery I read a blog post by a woman , Bonnie, who posted her pre & post op experience of same surgery I was to have! It soothed the last of fears I had prior to surgery..Fear of the unknown, even with intense prayer & preparation , is part of being human. I do hope that my words can help any woman who is to soon undergo this radical and innovative surgery. I won’t mince words; so if anyone is squeamish? Might want to stop reading now..Do keep in mind I’m still very medicated..And though it is my 1st time on prescription Oxycodone or Morphine? I’m highly(pun on words..) thankful for IT. >>

Here I go..

DISCLAIMER= Better late than never. I’m adding this disclaimer today after reading what I posted last night. I am NOT a doctor nor a health care professional. ALL comments I make here are based on my OWN personal experience of having undergone this surgery a mere 3 days ago…Every woman’s body, I am told, re-acts differently. Personally? I don’t believe it is possible for ANY woman to not feel pain after this surgery..After all of one’s internal organs have been “waded” through to get to female organs! And then those same organs are cut from the body & then pulled out of the body..Sounds painful just writing & reading it..I really DO have a high tolerance for pain..So imagine me saying that even with meds; it hurts. A hurt however that is rewarded tenfold in benefits though…

1st & foremost I’d like to “suggest” to any woman out there reading this..Consistency in getting annual GYN checkup /pap smear is highly important. Had it not been for going through 4 years of ASCUS pap smear readings(abnormal) , 4 years of labor type painful menstrual periods , and rounds and rounds of tests and tests, etc etc..The final diagnosis of a mass on my ovary might not have been discovered. Yet...

Furthermore one of the most personal decisions & toughest! I’ve ever made in my entire life was to have ALL of my female organs removed. It wasn’t a decision that I made lightly. It wasn’t a decision that I made overnight. It wasn’t a decision that I was able to grasp immediately emotionally ; even after I’d agreed to have the surgery. 50 hours post surgery? I’m IN pain..Yet I’ve no regrets that I’ve done all I can do to combat whatever the mass was on my ovary..I’ll have the pathology report by next Monday. Now onto the actual account of my surgery. I was told about ALL of the doctors/techs who would be present during my surgery(including my own GYN surgeon) but I never actually saw any of them…>>

IF you need this surgery and want to recover in HALF the time of conventional type hysterectomy AND Don’t want to be physically cut? Then THIS surgery is perfect. But also know that nothing is completely perfect..Prior to surgery I had a FLAT abdomen. When I came to from the anesthesia? My tummy looked like I was PREGNANT..That was the only thing no one had warned me of..My first thought was wtF happened to me??? I felt as IF I’d been beat UP..And whatever beat me up; I lost the fight! OMG..Let me explain a bit more what wasn’t explained to me prior..>>

With this surgery your female reproductive organs are severed and then exited through the vagina. Yep, it IS possible..MY worst fear pre-surgery in that regard? That my vagina would be ruined for life! My Doctor assured me that wouldn’t be the case. The vagina can expand to accommodate a baby’s body & the uterus deflates before exiting…After that I’m sure the fallopian tubes & ovaries are a piece of cake doing the same…Post-surgery? Vagina feels exactly the SAME as it did prior to surgery…Abdomen however is very, very tender..There is AIR that is put into the body to move the organs to the wayside during surgery…Must have been ALOT of air put inside me; my upper ribcage ? Felt like someone has continually kicked me for the first two days after surgery..Only today did that soreness ease up. Finally. The area especially under my tummy hurts..HURTS. Feels better if I support it with my hands when I walk…By the way; I WALKED hours after coming out of the anesthesia..I was warned the sooner I walked the better…It was a shaky walk; but I walked! And also? Be encouraged that the first urine after the catheter is removed WILL sting..But after that regular bladder activity quickly returns. The bowels & intestines though are an entire different matter>>

My intestines are taking the longest to flip back into place..They’ve formed a tight ball! Which is why it looked like I was pregnant post-surgery…With walking and stool softeners and gravity of sitting UP; they’re finally relaxing..I can hardly wait because the constipation is difficult. But it is something I was warned about..So tip to y’all? Start taking stool softeners pre-surgery. Also being fit helps..Stay hydrated! And drinking raw veggie drinks for fiber pre-surgery is wise..I began my fasting at 8 p.m. the night prior to surgery instead of the suggested time of midnight..When I could finally eat solids the day after surgery? Even a saltine cracker would’ve tasted good…

50 some hours post-surgery pain is subsiding. Worst pain is in lower tummy area. Intestines are still mid-relaxed & is causing the discomfort on the lower tummy area..3 entry points? Hardly visible at all…Bleeding? Very very faint at this point…Surgery was a total success! My GYN doctor/surgeon said I was FABulous. And I’m more than sure the pathology report on Monday will be negative..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in LOVE

^MALE Call..Its About High^ Time..

**Ask ANY single, eligible woman about her “LIST” and without even asking you to specify “what list”..Off she’ll go with giving you an INdepth description of what she longs for in a significant other. I believe it’s a list that begins to form in a woman’s mind from the time of little girlhood. (a Berna’ism so don’t look for that phrase in any dictionary) The List comes into existence all on its OWN. Compiled from the onset starting with HOW a little girl feels about her very own Father/Daddy/Pops/Dad/Pa..Add to that her life experiences & lessons learned in her love relationships. Here I go are y’all ready for this? I stay ready and I’m more than ready for my The One to discover me. Here is my new-revised-and-improved-“List”. –All I Want in a Man IS..–>>

#1..My “new” #1 has risen UP the list..It used-2-be far down in my ranking. My old #1 ‘was has to be highly attractive/fit’. Now? MUST BE A BELIEVER.. I’ve come to learn this is something I won’t compromise..Not only that there is really nothing to add to this . It’s a must for me. Exclamation mark. Period.

#2..COMMUNICATION skills. I’m a talker..I will without a shadow of a doubt tell/express to my future man what I need, what I desire, what I dream, what I think I want; everything and all things Bernadette. I am NOT yet good enough to read minds; nor do I have a desire to. That takes far too much work! I require & desire a man who can put more than 2 sentences together to express his thoughts/his dreams/his needs/his goals/his wants. Sidebar: His WORD must be bond. So I’m attaching trust-worthy onto this topic. I WILL believe what you say is true..So my future man must be reliable & stand by his word. He’ll say what he means & mean what he says. He’ll DO what he says he’s going to do. Or have a pretty dang good reason for not being able to do it. Or set a later date for being able to do so.

#3..MUST be a good Father. I have issues with a man not being a good Father. Simply can’t respect an absentee Father. I make NO excuse for feeling this way..and it goes far back into my past. Least 30 years & counting! IF you’re not MAN enough to have supported your own seed, financially & emotionally, then you’re not the MAN for me. Enough said. (truth be told this is another long topic for another time..) Oh! Exclamation point. Period.

#4 ALPHA characteristics..This has moved down the list but it’s still highly important to me in my significant other. My male counterpart. I’ve come to learn its a MUST. I have a higher level of respect for a man, as my man, that holds these qualities. I’ve a STRONG solid personality; and that’s the #1 reason I require this quality in my mate. As luck would have it; it’s also the type of brother I’m also very attracted to..

#5 Nice looking/fit/health conscious..Moved this down my list a bit..NOT because I don’t dig a brother that is good-looking; but because the aforementioned qualities matter more. Physical attraction does matter..Just isn’t my #1 anymore. As I’ve evolved. Hand in hand with this quality I’m piggy backing ..Personable/Sociable. I’m very much a people-loving-social-butterfly..Put me in a room of folks I don’t know; and minutes later I’ll be chatting with someone. Doesn’t matter the arena nor platform..So only makes sense I’d be attracted to someone with this quality. And I am.

#6 DRAMAless as humanly possible.. I don’t bring it/I don’t welcome it/I don’t need it in my life. Period. I come in peace/I welcome peace/I’ve no patience(nor time) for anything nor anybody who keeps drama floating around them or starts it. Period

#7 Good Heart! Highly important to me..I view/feel people I connect with from the inside out..The warm vibes I feel from a person, including friends, is what draws me to them. My vibe meter has rarely failed me(99.9% accurate so far) Natural compassion for others is something I’m attracted to in a man..Very

#8 Last but not least I can truly appreciate a positive thinker. There are enough things in life that can bring us down or draw tears from us..Takes much effort to always try hard to see the sunny side UP. Even on our darkest days there’s something we can find to smile about; IF we just recall to count our blessings.

**Well folks that’s my “list” I’m of the belief we can wish things into existence..Its called praying with intent. Or least that’s what I’ve found myself doing this past 2 years. And so far? Its yielded pretty good results…Hoping my list reels my biggest WISH for 2013 on in! Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4 ever sincere, Berna (the 1 N only)

Posted in ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

Calling out all good women of VIRTUE..last of a dying breed?

I first feel a need to have a disclaimer for this topic..Don’t want to ruffle any feathers. I know many women of VIRTUE; or least what I define virtue as. My Mom is one. She is THE one that I gauge all others from; tough shoes to fill indeed! Especially for me; her only daughter>

Nevertheless as I reflect about  young girls(& women)  I see out & about; its become clear to me many have forgotten, or worse! mayhaps never knew, what true beauty is. It has nothing to do with being beautiful. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with what one owns or can acquire. It honestly has nothing to do with being sexy OR having SEX OR being celibate.. It has nothing to do with going to church every Sunday>

So one might ask what is my definition of a woman of VIRTUE? I thought you’d never ask>

This, to me, is the make-up of a virtuous woman>

SHE has a sincere desire & dedication to the growth of others..She voluntarily helps others WIN.

SHE moves, acts, thinks with  a positive & distinct purpose.

SHE has a genuine warmth & love for herself..which can’t help but flow to others.

SHE touches whoever she encounters with kindness and encouraging words. Negativity just isn’t her thing..nor idle gossip for she knows gossip of others is like raping their spirit.

SHE sees with her heart to meet & often exceed the needs of the moment.

SHE is a woman of vision..she uses her skills & imagination to see the tomorrows beyond today. Building UP brick by brick.

Mothers Day is quickly approaching..That fact is what actually brought this topic to mind..As I marvel at the woman that is my own Mother. My Mama! I’ve been known to say, quite often, IF I could be half the woman my mother IS..then I’d be as hellified as I already think I am. As I look around at some of the young women coming up behind me; I realize!, how awfully BLESSED  I am to have the Mother I have. For, how can a woman even begin to half-ass attempt to BE a virtuous woman..IF she has no example to mimic? Or to even aspire/strive! to emulate. Being that it IS a given that little girls learn from their Mothers; what to do when their Mother example is piss-poor? Or so strung out from drugs that she can hardly tend to her children? Or what about working so many hours just to feed/clothe/provide shelter for so called FATHERLESS children..that she can barely tend to her own needs let alone think of being virtuous. I can certainly understand how some women can be ‘bitter’ & fed UP & ready to give UP. As happenstance & circumstance I too could’ve been that type of woman>

I’ve been a victim of a ‘situation’ or happening; that could make a grown man openly weep..Which then caused me to feel emotionally “bankrupt”. And when a person feels like that they may as well be dead..or least that is what they begin to think . But for the grace of a mighty GOD; I woke UP. One day I just simply decided to stop living on the , fringe of happiness. I tired of being a victim, simply because I had been a victim, and decided I was NOT going to let anyone nor anything steal my JOY. And with every ounce of my being..I meant that. It is my sincere desire to express to ANY young woman this sentiment. YOU are special. YOU can do anything your heart desires. YOU deserve to be happy. YOU were created by a GOD that loves you more than you can fathom. YOU possess a uniqueness that only YOU can share with the world. YOU are strong enough to band-aid your scraped knees(from falling) & RISE above any expectation you even have for yourself..YOU are a loved child of GOD as such nothing is impossible. YOU can be your own worst enemy or your very own best friend. Choosing the latter is a very conscious & worth while effort. Exclamation point. Period>

I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that gave me life..I’m so thankful for the women of virtue that mentor me spiritually(you both know who you are..) I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’ve called my BFF for 27 yrs..I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that is my new GOD Mom..I’m so thankful for the 2 women of virtue who are my exMom & exSisinLaw. I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’m fortunate to call my Boss. I’m so thankful for the many women of virtue in my Church Family. I’m so thankful for the women of virtue who are my Aunts/cousins/& multitude of friends from Coast 2 Coast. I’m so thankful my GOD loved me! so much to have put you in my life journey..And this Mothers Day? I’d like all of you to promise one thing. Reach out and mentor a young girl that needs guidance…think of the impact that could make on a life. Just like mine…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only!)

Posted in "Just for fun", WOW, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

*******For the LADIES eyes only…********

Guys IF ya’ll peek in at this topic; don’t say I didn’t warn you! I’m on ONE tonight about a topic only a woman would understand…Ya’ll ready for this? I feel a *rant* coming on…so buckle up & hold onto to your hats & wigs..

Alright now you’ve been warned twice..This is for grown folks only so cover your kids eyes(hopefully ya’ll censor what your kids view on the Net…) and if you’re sensitive to sensitive female *issues*; you might want to click off now. I’m a woman and LOVE being a woman. I’m the true epitome of feminity…and yep, pink is my fave color! Nonetheless, having said that; there are a couple things about being a woman I could do withOUT. Ya’ll ready? Here I go here is the first & probably most sensitive of topics>

IF there is a woman out there that enjoys having a time of the month; also known as a “period”..Please stand UP. I’d like to see U in the flesh. Because in ALL of my days on earth; I’ve yet to meet ONE woman who likes having a period. Even on a good day! Even without cramps, bloating, mood swings from hell, headaches,backaches!!!!, more bloating, tender breasts,more cramps, and irregularity so one never knows when its going to make its monthly appearance..omit all of that and I’m still willing to bet there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t rather NOT having to have a period. And I mean sans a pregnancy. Having said that…

Of those women out there who would rather NOT have a period…Wouldn’t it be great to turn the tables for just one little month?!? I think , in all fairness, that MEN should have to have ONE period in their lifetime. Just one..and while I understand the biological process of both sexes..IF there were anything I could change it would be that. I love men, with all of my heart and every ounce of my BEING, but I sincerely think they’d be able to empathize with women more if they could just experience it. Once! Don’t you just hate when someone says ‘I know what you’re going through?’ And you know they don’t! But you want to be polite ; so you just smile & nod your head? Well, that is one thing a man SHOULD be able to know what it is to go through. They walk around alllll month long with no worries about a *surprise visitor* No worries about what to wear due to bloating & discomfort. No worries due to any monthly biological process. And while I simply adore being a woman I just don’t think that’s fair..I’m not a violent person, by far. Never even used physical discipline for our sons..but as sure as I sit here tonight IF I could throttle EVE..I would. OMG what was she thinking?!? And to add insult to injury>

When is IT going to end? Lawd! I’ll be 50 yrs old in July and there apparently is NO end in sight..UNreal. The true insult IS we have to wait an entire year, 1 whole year, for it to truly be OVER. Are you kidding me? For a few months not even a tiny cramp; no nothing. I’m dancing on the table top! And then all of a sudden , out of the blue, bam! Cramps so bad I feel as if I’m going to deliver a baby. Which is highly impossible because I’m not doing what it takes to make one..I thought this crap was supposed to get easier? My doctor told me it could get worse due to how young I started & could be the reason its taking SO long to STOP forever. *slapping forehead* Isn’t that the opposite of the way it should be? WHO made these rules? I daresay it was a woman thats for sure…And why are there pills for a man to get an erection? And NO pill for women to make their period STOP; when they no longer want to have children? I don’t get it…pharmaceutical companies are losing out on a gold mine!

Can anyone tell me WHY the breastfeeding in public issue has become an ISSUE? How many men would like to have to feed their baby in non-sanitary public bathroom?! Because that is the bottom line for what happens when Mom is out & about and her baby gets hungry…not every woman wants to use the TORTURE machine(I know because I used one years ago..) otherwise known as a breast pump. And its been statistically proven breast -fed babies are healthier; why aren’t we promoting it instead of demoting it? All because men can’t handle their libido anytime they see bared breasts? Use some discipline for heaven’s sake like the rest of us have NO choice but to do..Men being able to decide what a woman can or can’t do with her own body=Something is clearly wrong with that sentence. Which leads me to the next and last topic>

Disclaimer = This topic is all in good fun…But I have thought of these topics and wondered the whys…If it weren’t a man’s world would things be different? And how so? That is another topic for another time..Moving right along>

The bottom line IS..Until men can have a monthly period. Until men can carry a baby for 9 months. Until men have to go through the many ups & downs women experience biologically(most of us do this gracefully..) ;I do not feel men should have the right to say what women can /can’t do with their bodies. No one has that right..and IF the shoe were on the other foot..I feel it would be a NON-issue. For the guys that wound up reading this; don’t ya’ll have to honestly admit that also?Btw fellas I have mad regard and love for ya’ll, mwah & hugs! Thanks for being such good sports..though had U heeded my warning you’d not have read this post. Is it curiosity that killed the cat? lol! Wait , check the picture out below before answering that..

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only) 🙂

Posted in "Just for fun", ***DPCHALLENGE, Post a Day 2013, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@

>>WHY are MEN so CLUELESS?!?>>

Before anyone out there gets all UPtight..this post is ALL in fun. It is a direct piggy-back female version to Opinionated Man’s blog post called ‘Women are Crazy’. I thought it would be cool, challenging and FUN to also poke fun at a couple things about MEN..Going to try my best to match his wit/skills. ~

>Mayhaps the best way to open the door to this topic wide right out the gate is to begin with the..Remote Control. I’ll keep it simple guys so there should be NO issue with understanding the message. I took a vote from as many women as I could gather up and the general consensus is this= Ya’ll can HAVE total control over the T.V. remote control;  as long as you agree to ALWAYS put the toilet seat down. Deal? Alright, cool moving right along…

>Now here is a whopper. WE women voted unanimously  on this one= We’ll serve you breakfast in bed every morning/run your bath water/have dinner cooked when you get home from work/get UP in the middle of the night to get you a glass of water/never “claim” to have a headache when you wake us UP in the middle of the night for some loving, etc etc yada yada..as long as you NEVER take issue with the few times we might ask you to pick up our feminine products. Don’t trip..trust me on this one, NO ONE in the store will think its  yours! Deal? Alright cool lets move on I’m just getting started..

>This is sans a GPS system or mapquest..Alright guys we figured it out. WE know when you know that we’re lost! We also will let ya’ll fake the funk for a while driving around and around in circles..We’ll also act as if we didn’t see the same streets and buildings already the first 3 times we passed them. Ok? But it might be nice, every once in a while, if you just admit it and say, “Know what baby;  I have NO clue where we are or how to get where we’re going!” And then just stop to ask someone else for directions. *slapping forehead* Enough said, moving right along…

>Guys? Please stop believing dubious relationship tips your guy friends are passing along to you. Every woman deserves to be treated /trusted based on her OWN merit. Same as you wish to be regarded/treated/respected…ya’ll having fun yet? There is more…

>When your woman says ‘Lets talk baby’ for the love of God don’t trip! It doesn’t mean she is dumping you(unless you know you’ve been messing UP badly…) ..what it means it she wants your undivided attention to talk about something that is important to her. Keep in mind women get oxytocin from having deeeeep , meaningful talks with you.(also from nursing babies & sex) Whereas men mainly get the same from having sex! Don’t believe me? Google it… So just relax/LISTEN/ and things will go smoothly so you can get back to  your fave T.V. show. Agreed? I’m almost finished now…

>Guys? There is NO reason to start an argument or worse LIE to go hang with your guy friends. Matter of fact a mature, self confident , self assured woman..knows you NEED your male-bonding time. So go have a good time; you deserve it. Grown folks need their own space sometimes..its normal..but to lie about it or start an argument over foolishness is a deal-breaker. Gets negative amount of brownie points in my world. Honesty still counts with some of us

>A few “nevers”= NEVER call your woman a Bi_ch! I don’t care if she is acting like one; don’t call her out of her name with this word. It is one of the worst things a man can call a woman. And IF she acts like this on a consistent basis..then perhaps you need to re-evaluate what type of woman you’re attracted to. There is no need for such ugliness…Also NEVER ask your woman if she’s gained a few pounds. Do NOT make any comment even close to , fat. Now she might very well be blowing up weight wise..but a wise man won’t tell her that. Oh! if she is acting cranky; never, EVER, even on a bad day say that its cause she is on her period..let her say it. But you better not . Don’t say I didn’t warn ya’ll..Alright, here comes my last one…

>Last but not least..stop saying we don’t value your opinion. We do! Most of us anyway..we’d not be with YOU if we didn’t respect you/adore you/need you/desire you/love you. Which includes respecting your male perspective..there is nothing more comforting to a woman than to hear her man’s honest opinion. Why? Because we know he has our best interest at heart and has our back…At the end of the day WE can’t live without ya’ll. Man and WOman weren’t  meant to live without love. And that takes 2. Love is what makes us thrive and flourish..and everyone, wants to be loved. The beautiful thing about a relationship is when it works! And it takes 2 people who accept each other with  flaws/faults..none of us are perfect. Love is worth putting up with a few minor issues..or least that is the way I see it. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., Motivational!, Post a Day 2013

*50 Fabulous Things About Turning 50* ..

1. #1 thing about turning 50 is that I learned & am living that with GOD and LOVE in your life..nothing is impossible. Absolutely nothing at all.

2. I am going to have the BIGGEST party of my entire LIFE for my 50th this summer..Couldn’t be more excited about that!

3. I’ve got far  more than 50 loved ones(including both of my parents!) /close friends/dear friends that are still living whose company I can enjoy/laugh with/hang out with/hug/kiss/talk to. NO material object on earth can compare..

4. I can recall when the majority of music involved lyrics that meant something; they just don’t make that type of GOOD music like backintheday.

5. I was around to enjoy(and then enjoy with my sons..) playing games as a family that involved the ENTIRE family. Not like the 1 or 2 player video games or internet games. Card games like Monopoly, Scrabble!, Trouble, Headache, Uno, Twister(wow what fun!) , Hopscotch, Jumprope(do little girls even do these things anymore???) Oh , how I bet parents out there wish gifts were as cheap now as backintheday…and the time spent as a family? Priceless

6. Taking to heart “my word is bond” & living by it daily. And expecting the same from those in my circle of friends/loved ones. Anything less is unacceptable. The results? Dependability rocks!

7. Focusing on things I can DO and not things that I can’t do anymore..I can still do front flips/cartwheels/the splits!/handstands/touch my toes with ease/see my toes with ease lol!

8. I’m stronger, wiser, BETTER than I’ve ever been..and ever is a very long time

9. Recall fondly the days when mobile phone meant walking around with a corded phone..and the cord was LONG enough to wrap around 4 city blocks! Dang sure didn’t have to worry about the battery running out in the middle of a steamy conversation..

10. Recall the days when leaving a cell phone at home did not  felt like leaving behind a limb! Matter of fact I’ve never left home without mine…anyone out there remember when we used to wait till we got home to discover what we didn’t buy at the store??? Today’s convenience is something I’ve grown to love but there is a certain beauty in being able to recall  the good ole days..

11. The saying about women peaking in their 40s is a LIE..I’ve yet to reach mine.

12. No chronic health issues or meds needed . No batteries either! And thanking GOD/my lucky stars/and trying to do all I can to maintain good health. If there is one word of advice for the youth that is worth gold it is.. take care of your body daily. And FLOSS after every meal..

13. I’ve no enemies..that I know of anyway! I greet even strangers like they are friends. And I treat my family & friends like GOLD. Its returned 10fold..

14. I can /and do speak my mind freely…

15. Still have most of my marbles left and no memory loss issues; or least I think so. Lol!

16. Got over the stage of thinking “I know it all”, whew! Now I’ve learned that the more I learn the more there is to learn…I’ve aligned mentors(even some that don’t know they are my mentors in any subject area I want to learn more about) Another tip for the youth= Attain mentors; you’ll need them.

17. Learned not to give unsolicited advice. Sort of…still working on fully mastering that.

18. Finally learned to be a “glass is half-full ” type of person; instead of the opposite I once used to be. And technically the glass is always FULL…unless you’re in a vacuum of space. Yep, google that one..

19. One gets OLD; when they stop playing/being playful/ or knowing how to play. I am never going to get OLD; just older & better

20. Dancing! becomes an art that when the music comes on your body just takes over & disengages from the brain. So dance, dance, dance and dance; even if it means you’ve got to dance by yourself. Dance!

21. I learned the hard way that the email “reply all” button…can yield embarrassing results IF you don’t intend to use it. Be mindful when replying to ALL emails..

22. You can learn anything at any AGE. And I’m hoping I also learn you don’t forget how to do things just because you’ve not done them in a while…more on that when I finally do IT

23. Maturity means= Even up to my 40s I took life so seriously! (especially when I was co-raising sons) Finally as I’m closing in on 50 I’m laughing more daily than ever before..

24. 50 really doesn’t feel anything like I thought 50 would feel like when I was in my 20s or even my 30s..50 doesn’t feel OLD as I thought it would at all. 50 just feels fabulous!

25. I’ve learned to drop my fears…bad things are going to happen cause life happens. But I’ve been over/under/around/and THROUGH such mindblowing, deeeeeep valleys/and just downright shiiiite and survived that its given me confidence that there isn’t much I can’t handle or live through. There is much comfort in knowing/feeling that

26. I’ve learned that sometimes NO answer is about as good as it gets. And that is just fine..I used to think life was all black and white. Or I’d just have to know the answer to the many questions I ask(I’m inquisitive by nature) But I’m learning that isn’t the case. Gray area does exist..and sometimes you just have to let things GO in order to get to the next level. And sometimes? After you let it go; the answer finally becomes clear

27. I try very, very hard to put principles BEFORE personality. This was something a very dear friend on the West Coast taught me…priceless lessons he taught me. There are times we have to interact with folks that we do NOT agree with on a consistent basis. Or something about them is so different from our beliefs/behavior…Agreeing to disagree alot works in these situations. Or in some cases just giving in works too …and this is necessary sometimes if on a team(for lack of a better word) worker towards a mutual goal. Might not be easy to understand now but when you get into situations as I’m referring to; you’ll understand

28. Small stuff DOES matter! Time spent with my parents. Priceless. Time spent doing labors of love; like a garden for my Daddy. Priceless. Time spent chatting with old friends on the West Coast. Priceless. Time spent over a quick lunch with new friends. Priceless. Laughing with new/old friends or loves ones. Priceless! Watching the sun rise. Absolutely priceless..Life is full of moments that we just have to stop to enjoy

29. Simplify. Simplify. SIMPLIFY. That IS the word of the day. Every day…

30. I’ve learned to COUNT my blessings every single day..and testify whenever possible to whoever will listen. I find myself doing this more than I ever thought I would..never thought I would actually.

31. I’ve always been a dreamer. And I dream BIG..as I near 50 I’m DOing more things I’d always said I’d DO. Living ones dreams is better than living to dream. Not getting any younger and there is NO time like the present

32. The things that yield the best results in life= Do NOT get caught up in gossip. It can be lethal…So be fair. Be HONEST. Be consistent. Be GENEROUS. Be Trustworthy. Respect others and yourself. And smile alot! It is contagious..

33. I’ve learned it is better to be KIND than RIGHT..another very close West Coast friend taught me this. And he was so right…

34. I’ve learned a broken heart can mend. Over time. Alot of time. I’m praying though I don’t have wait for mine to mend ever again though

35. Admitting you don’t know how to do something yields better results than pretending you do! The good news? Usually , or least has been the case with me, you’ll quickly find after admitting it someone will teach you what you didn’t know. I love IT when it works out that way

36. Generic store brands? Just as good as the name brand more expensive versions. Saving money is awesome!

37. Saving for a rainy day or necessity(like a new car..) just makes sense. Saving pennies or even coins does add up…Literally

38. Wear what YOU like to wear & what you feel you look best in. I never was one for following “fads”….bottom line is DO and BEing yourself just feels great. I don’t want to walk around looking like a carbon copy of everyone else..

39.Compliment. Compliment. Compliment! I always let people know I like what they’ve got on or a new hair style. Why do we think these things but don’t say them out loud? Saying them usually brings out a smile..

40. Be early. Saves alot of frustration and stress from rushing to get to places

41. Floss! I can’t say that enough…and I might say it for a 3rd time to get to the end of this 50 list

42. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I don’t take myself near as serious as I used to…result? I stopped being my own worst critic/enemy. Discovered it was impossible to reach perfection . I stopped even reaching for perfection. Now I just do my best. At anything I do

43. Stay true to MYSELF. I don’t let anyone define who I am anymore. I like me after long last. Either accept me as I am or move on…and I’ll do the same

44. Failing at some things is normal. If we don’t fail we’re not pushing our own limits. Many people first failed at things , and yet kept striving, are now considered major success stories. Life is full of ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things..I’m one of them

45. Being on time matters. If I can’t get there early I’m at the least on time. Early bird really does get the prize…

46. Floss! Omg its harder than I thought to think of 50 things..but I refuse to not finish this list

47. Not sure when I became a “ma’am”! OMG when I first starting hearing it from strangers I’d look around to see who the heck they were talking to..I’ve finally adjusted to it. Sort of…lol

48. A good debate from time to time is still good for a “rush”; but anything other than that even closely remote to having an arguement is SO over-rated and just not necessary. I’ve grown old enough to know you can talk anything out …even when not in agreement. If I’ve got to fight with you consistently I don’t care to spend precious time with you. Period. And I mean that…I’ve no drama in my life NOR do I want any

49. IF a person judges me, or anyone else, by the type of car they drive /how much money they make/or what they own…they’re NOT the type of person I want to spend time around.

50…Wooooo hoooo I made it to 50. Keeping ones’ word is important to ME. So glad I was able to with this list. Was alot harder than I thought when I chose this topic..but nothing easy is usually worth it.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, =Self Discovery=, Post a Day 2013, ~To B Continued, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

^HIGH Maintenance Alert^ Recently I was asked if I was ~N~ my response was a FAT fib..

^Setting UP the scene for ya’ll which brings this topic to mind:  During my weekly lunch breaks I head to the Mall sometimes.  2 squeeeeeze in alot of walking( GREAT exercise) while I window shop. Sooooo on this particular day I’d walked past a DEAL I had to stop in to check out..Shoes, shoes and rows of shoes on sale for 50% OFF..OMG, my ideal of   heaven!..Anywayz I was leaning down strapping on a pair of heels when I heard this voice say. ” Those compliment your legs”. I looked UP and there was the HOTTEST(his picture is probably listed on google somewhere under ‘incredibly SEXY & fineeeeee’)  brother I’ve seen  since moving cross country almost 14 months prior. For a  minute I thought I was dreaming. ( I do alot of that lately..) I had to blink twice to make sure I was really seeing him. BUT , I wanted to remain smoooooth and composed. So I opened my mouth and said something really stupid! “How long have you been standing there watching me???”  And then? Instead of giving me a sassy retort ; this brother began to “use” the very dating technique which I thought! I’d mastered..until he began to use IT. And blew my hair back with his questions. He began to interview me , right then & there, on the spot! With me, caught very OFF guard, these were my answers…

…His answer..”I’ve been watching you long enough to know I’m interested in knowing more about you”..OOooo I thought to myself, goooood answer. Then he said, ” Do you have a minute to humor me?” So I said,”I’ll give you 15 minutes as you walk me to my car because I’ve got to get back to work”..I  had no clue he was getting ready to give me his own interview questions. Quickly, but he managed to get it done. Told me to answer in one word or two if possible..OMG he doesn’t know I’ve got an issue with brevity! My stomach was doing a combination of somersaults and butterflies..didn’t know if I was going to vomit or explode from nervousness. I hoped! I didn’t look as nervous as I felt and yet also very..excited N intrigued. HE was(is) different from the onset. And I truly dig different & unique..

He began with ” Are you seeking a relationship? And if so, do you know what type? ”  I answered, yes/yes. “Whats your biggest pet peeve? I answered, married or taken men that hit on me. “Whats your idea of your favorite date night? ” Hmmm this will take more than 2 words. I’m picked up by my date. He has chosen the place and not told me. I love being surprised! He has planned something that is special, took forethought, and something that will involve quality time spent. “If you could have any superpower what would it be? And why? ” Ooooo good one! I wish I could magically give all hungry people food, all homeless people homes, and all people without love in their lives, love! Because love can make all things possible and I don’t feel anyone should be hungry, homeless or without experiencing love. “What is one of the most embarassing moments in your life?” Ugh, had alot of those! But one of them was the time I ran into a parked car one morning on the way to work. Longggg time ago cause I know how to drive now. VERY embarassing and I had my eldest son in the car with me…He said, “Damn that is a pretty bad one! Were you both ok?” I said, yes, how thoughtful of you to ask that…”What physical feature do you like most about yourself?” I said, my lips. “What physical feature do you hate about yourself?” I said, my oily skin. “Who is someone you wish you were closer to?” I said that is an easy one, GOD. And I’m working on that daily. “Are you high maintenance?” WOW things were rolling along SO well. We had just reached my car. This was the first time I’d paused before answering…How the heck am I supposed to answer that??!??? Especially when I think I know the answer and I’m big on this is ME take me as I am; BUT no one has ever asked me this!!!! And then I opened my mouth and told a bold faced lie. Which because I knew I was telling a lie has got to be a double whammy SIN. I couldn’t look him in the face when I answered. So I started fumbling with my keys and mumbling I had to go back to work. Danggggggg why did he have to ask that question???? *sigh* He was watching my every move and I suddenly felt like he could see every bit of me. Including my soul..I opened my mouth and said “No , I’m not high maintenance. I’m totally self-efficient” Wth was I saying?? And doing? And why?!? I don’t even know this dude. He could be a mass murderer for all I know. A stalker! A pervert. He looked down at me(talllll and fineeee) and said “That is the first time you’ve lied to me. And its good to see you don’t lie well at all…*pregnant pause*  May I have your cell number?” ~~~

Fast forward to that evening…I was talking to my Mom and said I don’t think I’m high maintenance ; do you? OMG My Mom couldn’t answer fast enough! Bottom line is she said yep! you are but not in a bad way…What is that supposed to mean??? Anyways the Mall brother has called every week about twice a week since then…. He’s an attorney who is going to be relocating here from cross country. Was here briefly to survey the area to see if he wanted to take a job offer..He’s a divorced attorney with a daughter in college. Asked me if I’d go out on a date with him after he’s here & settled .(he moves end of March) I said sure if I’m still single…Now that I have admitted to myself and him this is my definition. IF high maintenance means maintaining my health, fitness, my body(including my hair, nails, toes, appearance) ..than yep! i AM. But I’m self-sufficient in all ways. I don’t need nor require a man to take care of me nor my bills. What I do need is a man that loves & cherishes me.  IF high maintenance means I require the attention of my significant other. Than yep! I am. BUT I also give what I want in return. IF high maintenance means I like to communicate with my significant other. Than yep! I am. I can’t read minds nor do I pretend to…I’ll make contact with my S.O. by talking, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, smoke signal!, even send a message in a bottle if need BE. IF high maintenance means because I’m friends with my xhusband & xboyfriend. Than yep! I am. But if  you have TRUST issues than you’re not the one for me anyway. IF high maintenance means I require spending time with my S.O. Than yep! I am. Quality time is a MAJOR must with me. In my minds eye  it is the best gift a man can offer; his time. Likewise for me..Amount of time spent isn’t half as important to me as the content. I’m busy too…IF high maintenance means I like to know I’m thought about from time to time during the day by my S.O. Than yep! I am. Thats what texts were created for , isn’t it??? If a man is seeking a woman that is easy, doesn’t have an opinion, and won’t treat him like her King..than I’m NOT the woman for him. If a man is seeking a good woman, with a good/sincere heart!, who believes in GOD, and will treat him like the King he IS..then here I am. Take me as I am & I’ll follow suit. Because I’m…

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^Encouraging Words, ^^Thought Provoking^^

^NO sense in mincing WORDS 4 this is a heavy topic*DPCHALLENGE PostADay

**This was actually written in response 2 another blog that I follow on WP..I got SO caught up responding N the w*o*r*d*s a/k/a thoughts just kept flowing N flowing…So I decided to post my own original thoughts here on my blog..Hopefully 2 encourage an open discussion regarding a topic that is very near N dear to me..I’m trying, with all my might!, 2 live this topic out loud. In very living color. This is about as Real as it can possibly GET.

**Theres something I think U should know…>Let’s WAIT a while ..Before its 2 late..Let’s wait a while..Before we go 2 far.. Lets save something for LATER…So our love will B greater…Can’t RUSH love..

**I skipped alot of verses but thats the fast-forwarded sample..Backintheday when lyrics really meant something in songs! Yep, I said it N I know that 2 be true. But anyways those are words from a Janet Jackson song. Back when she was truly HOT inasfar as talentwise..then she went Hollywood.
IF a guy, I don’t care who he IS, can sit and say he has a double standard for the women he loves in his life already(his Mother,his daughter, his females relatives, his female friends..) compared with the woman he’s interested in…RUN & run fast! Because it means he is a BIG, fat hypocrit! For instance, IF conversing said man you’ve got a peaked interest IN says..”I want my daughter to WAIT till marriage 2 have sex…” And then U ask him, “So are you then also saying you’d wait 2 have sex until marriage?”  N he then loooooks at YOU like you’ve got a 3rd eye in the middle of your face! Plus,  his reply is NO.  I care less how fine he is. Or thinks he is..I don’t care what kind of job he holds down. I care less! what he owns..N for sure don’t give a hot dang what type of car he drives..RUN. As women sometimes we think, wrongfully so, that we can change a man . Pfft! And as IF…this is one  of the biggest mistakes  WE as women do/or can make.  From the jump! For he is sitting there laying it out for you. In his OWN words ..that   he is NOT  the one. RUN.

**IF a guy doesn’t feel that building UP a relationship is worth the wait..And IF that is what you desire; then again he isn’t the one for YOU. Period. It is that simple. As for the Steve Harvey rule of making a guy wait 90 days? I don’t put a time limit on it..because a guy could hear that N just rideeeee it out. Knowing full well he is going to get his “reward” at the end of 90 days…But are there such guarantees in any other area of this life? Nope! So why should it be different regarding what “should ” be sacred to us? Our bodies! Temple, right? And these days?!? It involves far more than backintheday just being scared of getting pregnant..NOW you’re literally placing your LIFE in someone else’s hands when you have SEX with them. With or without protection…Real talk. No sense in mincing words this is a heavy topic…

**IF as a woman you’re single N want that “status” to change. Then it is high! time to begin to do things differently. Anyone repeating the same things over N over N over again..YET expecting to get different results is either ..1. A very , VERY slow learner 2. Not very bright 3. Mentally challenged . IF a woman truly feeeeeels she is worthy of real love. IF a woman knows her true worth & is living UP to her true good worth . IF a woman wants to change her “status” from single to engaged/married/going steady(what ARE they calling it these days? I don’t even know…) then expecting a potential mate to wait for her “goodies” until they really know each other/have mutual relationship expectations/CAN & DO communicate effectively/feel love & respect! for one another…all of that will be just the basics for her to anticipate/request/and GET. And if said guy of such a woman’s interests has an issue with that? Then he just earned an instant downgrade from “potential” 2 “just friends”. Just that simple. And? If he acts a fool upon such simple & polite requests from said woman? He is then downgraded from even a chance! of being “just friends” to “someone I once spent time with but now I no longer even want him to be a friend…at ALL”

**We all have choices…And yep, I practice exactly what I preach. I’ve got more than one witness to attest to my very words. Fortunately I’ve met/spent time with/been engaged/married to outstanding brothers…I’ve had a couple “almost made it 2 the finish line type of relationships N marriage..I’ve no regrets nor complaints. No more tears about what could’ve been. Taken responsiblity for my part in why things just didn’t work out…Feeling blessed for the beautiful memories. Worked on ME in the interim for we all have flaws/faults..Hopefully learned lessons from my past relationships..Ready to move forward. I’ve NO time limit like the Steve Harvey rule nor do I make any apology for that. 2 anyone. IF a brother I’m interested in doesn’t feel I’m worth waiting on, until!, then he isn’t my “the one” I’m saving myself for. Exclamation mark. Period.

Posted in ***DPCHALLENGE, FABulous 50 Bday anticipation.., Health Matters*, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic

#ONE 2013! New Years’ ReSOLUTION that I plan on KEEPing..*DP CHALLENGE

From now till the New Year comes in I figure we might as well have some fun with our list of New Year resolutions..Yep, most of us have them! But the question IS will YOU keep your promises to yourself? Hmmmm I’ve got to admit 2012 was one of the very 1st years I kept every single resolution/self vow/& goal I made for myself for the year. And kicking off the list for 2013’s New Year resolutions for me IS..staying FIT. Be back shortly to have fun with this topic…

Alright going to have to complete this topic in increments..doing alot on this end due to holiday prep..BUT I promise 2 things. I’ll finish this segment  AND hopefully can give ya’ll some good TIPS on how to begin & more importantly KEEP a good fitness routine UP..Cause any of us can “say” we’re going to get fit, right? But with oh so busy schedules of holding down an 8-5 M-F, plus church activities, other random projects ..i.e..extra work projects , reading, socializing, writing!, family time, gardening, chores, routine dr. appts, ..I’ve found I had to MAKE time to exercise and eat right…but if I can do it, which I can assure you I did..anyone can do IT. I worked hard this entire year to “tweak” my physical being..from the inside out. (and mind you I wasn’t overweight when I began…) With 50 yrs of age rushing upon me I decided I am/will B the best dang(translation dayum!) >50< I can possibly  B. From head 2 toe. Inside N Out. I took it one day at a time, without any direction from anyone else..just winged IT. Final result? Well, I lost so much weight so quickly my pants were literally falling off me! Real talk (thankfully my GodMom can sew awesomely well and tailored my clothes for me, whew!..bummer about losing weight is the high cost of clothes replacement) Loving what I see in the mirror N just as important I feeeeel great. Probably better than I did in my 20s.  Now I’m just trying to maintain the size I am because if I lose 1 more inch or pound I’ll loooook anorexic..and that isn’t cool, nor healthy, N  is not the look I want.  So lets see if I can break this down for ya’ll soon as I come back I’m going to dive INto this topic. Oh, the pressure LOL . Had special requests for this topic so hope I can deliver..

                                             

First things first! And , in my opinion, and from my experience first STEP in doing anything..is deciding one wants to do something. Mentally picturing the final result. And figuring out what it takes 2 get..there. Then exerting extreme will power and DISCIPLINE to attain that end result. That is what I did 2 go from being “just in shape” to being totally fit. My doctor has co-signed on that by the way..I’ve no health issues nor health concerns. Just had full lab work to confirm .  No meds nor need for meds. For anything. What I do take, as I have for the past 35 yrs. is a multivitamin a day. A really good one for women 50 yrs & UP..I also take a probiotic packet every day(which I began taking almost 6 months ago when I began drinking a raw veggie smoothie. ) I also take a all natural Ginseng capsule every day(which I’ve done for 20 yrs) I also take a fish oil capsule every single day. Also I gave UP my love of Diet Pepsi a few years back.(now I drink no carbonated drinks at all)  I drink ALOT and I mean alot of water. Gave up drinking alcohol socially about 10 years back.   Desire of mine to be healthy from the inside out is very strong…

First, I started walking. Alot! I was new to the state N didn’t yet have friends here so I began walking by myself..Fast walking almost the pace of a light jog. During very hot months I was walking at O’dark thirty hours. Sometimes on weekends while it was still hot outside I’d walk the full length of the mall. I still do alot of walking during my work lunch breaks at the mall, alot! The great thing as the added bonus is I love window shopping N shopping ..So anyways what needs to be remembered is walking is a  fantastic way to drop pounds! Add scenery to the walk and fave music on your Iphone/Ipod(I don’t walk without my tunes..) and you can add the miles up quickly. What also counts is every , single step one takes during the day..so its good to remember that while at work in an office environment to add walking/climbing steps(when possible).  Instead of clicking to email coworkers; try getting UP to walk  to deliver the message from timetotime.  Long prolonged periods of sitting make ones’ fanny spread! And again, each step one takes during the day adds UP ..After months of walking last year and amping my pace UP..I began to jog. Now I’m up to a full run for short distances and alternate with fast jog in between.

Next, figure out what type of exercise routine you want to take on…I started off slowly. I knew I needed to add to my walking routine;  so  I began with morning situps, squats, dumbbell arm workouts…Was important to me to get my arms firm/toned/slight muscle definition  again. Got it now! But it took consistent working  out and slowly adding more to my routine. I’m up early in the mornings so its the best time of the day for me to do most of my exercise routine. Total morning work out time is about an  hour.  Now though I’ve also added a mini work out in the evenings..I’m working on defining different parts of my body now and I do a section every other night. All it takes is about 20 mins every evening. My suggestion to anyone starting fresh with exercise is FIRST check with your Doc. Don’t do anything new without first doing that…then slowly add little by little to your routine. As you see results it will get SO goood to you it will motivate you to..continue. Or least it did with me. Motivation is key in my opinion. And also always keep in the background of your mind what you want your end result to loooook like…that will keep driving you and driving you.

Next, out of the blue the introduction of  a raw veggie drink called, The Glowing Green Smoothie, entered my life! And all I can say about the results is WOW.  And WOW one ‘mo time. See a full description and explanation in the post I did couple nights ago called ‘Berna’s Book Reviews’..the book the recipe for the smoothie comes from is called ‘The Beauty Detox Solution’ N I’m living proof it works IF you work it. It is a drink I’ll make & drink for the rest of my life. Energy level is amped way UP..I feeeeel as if I could climb tall mountains! (and I was already a naturally  hyper person so can you imagine after this veggie smoothie??? OMG..energy galore) My oily acne prone skin(which I’ve had my entire life) is absolutely GLOWING. I can’t think of another word for it..so muchso that there are times I don’t wear make UP because I don’t want to cover my skin up. Yep, this smoothie and its results has been that gooooood  2 me and for me. Imagine every day getting an instant shot of about a cazillion vitamins???? That is the best way I can describe being on this smoothie for the past 6 months…

The bottom line is for all of us eating well & exercising should rightfully B a part of our daily routine. Earlier we implement such a plan, and stick 2 it!, it becomes so routine that it doesn’t seem like alot of things to recall or DO. It isn’t about being on diet after diet after diet(which btw has an awful impact on a womans’ body..) in my opinion we have to learn to make eating right/exercising daily a part of our lifestyle. IF we can do that it won’t be something that we have to add to our list of New Years resolutions year after year after year! Lets hope from this day forth that our resolutions from here on out will B to…stay FIT/maintain our fitness/and strive to consistently improve on a great foundation. Ready? Get set…GO

 

Posted in =Self Discovery=, ^^Thought Provoking^^

SETTLE?!? I think NOT; not even at almost FIFTY(yep, 50!)

Settling is NOT an option

Alright I’m on 1 tonight..translation here comes a BIG rant. So buckle up, lean back/get comfy/kick your shoes off/enjoy the smell of the scented candles because I’ve heard the very, and I mean very last comment@when women get a certain age they better think about re-evaluating their options for a love relationship. As IF! and Pfft! It is time 2 respond to all of those comments. Revving UP but I’m coming back soooon and releasing this train of thought. ~2 B Continued~

1st things 1st..DISCLAIMER: 4 the sake of this line of thought I’m going to use examples said by women, some of them married woman. These are actual accounts and not heresay..Know while reading this for me marriage is the ultimate love relationship; so I mean NO disrespect for the viewpoint I’m getting ready to lay down. However, in response to the aforementioned comments this is my response. And I’m more than sure some of my  single over 35 N up sistas/sisters feel the same way..Although I’ve no issue standing alone with this stance. As I have on many of the things I feel. I can only always speak for myself N this is the way I see IT..

Example#1..Some out there might recognize these lyrics. Song by a woman, a Sista!, and one of my fave singers btw..

“Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Aint no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr Wrong”

Ok, what is wrong with this picture?? Well , for starters, everything! This is from a popular song from a popular singer. Mary J Blige. Who I dig, alot. BUT what isn’t coooool is that young girls/teens/women listen to this song probably over and over again. And have we not learned that the youth can be easily influenced by things they hear/see? Heck, grown adults are! It is a matter of what we intake that is negative or positive and the impact that can/WILL/does have on our psyche. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out..that is why you’ll find a great deal of academians aka intellectuals don’t even have a “boob tube” in their house(isn’t called a boooob tube for nothing..) I personally know folks that censor what their children hear/see on the tube /radio, etc…I was one of those parents! I recall vividly being in favor even of ratings on video games backintheday…because I hated! buying/renting a game for our sons and turning it on and it had naked/half naked women portrayed or rap music on them…anywayz I digress. My point IS (yep, there is a point ) when did women begin to lower their OWN standards enough to sing it in lyrics?!? I mean come on now…really? Is this the level we have sunk to??? Has anyone else noticed this is becoming more and more the norm? WHY? I can take a man saying such dribble in regards to women, cause they’re men! I don’t expect them to see it from OUR viewpoint, but now women are saying such things with ease…Lawd!

Example #2.”“I just want someone who’s willing to be in the trenches with me,” my single friend Jennifer told me, “and I never thought of marriage that way before.” Two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes aren’t even straight, and while Jennifer wouldn’t have made that choice a few years back, she wonders whether she might be capable of it in the future. “Maybe they understood something that I didn’t,” she said.”

Ok, what is SO wrong about this picture? A wholeeeee lot. Hope you caught it ; but just in case ya’ll didn’t and I quote”two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes AREN’T EVEN STRAIGHT…” Whoa! What???? This was a totally new one I’d not heard of and yep, this was taken from a real account. Matter of fact I’m pulling from the very text of the picture I used for this post up above..So now it has gotten that bad that women aren’t just settling but they’re settling for men they don’t even believe are heterosexual???? UNdangreal..I am beyond not getting that!

Here are just a few real live comments I’ve heard indirectly and directly on the topic. “Over 40 a single woman might just want to drop some of the things on her list of standards..” this was said by a married woman to other married women. Women I respect btw…”I’d rather keeeeep my wooden nickel, than trade it in for another wooden nickel” this was said by a disgruntled married woman complaining to other women that were complaining about their husbands. My comment and thoughts..I do NOT want a wooden nickel at all! A wooden nickel can’t be spent and is worth nothing to me. “You’re not getting any younger; and neither am I N we both want to get married..” this was recently said to ME  by a man. Hmmmm first of all MY biological clock isn’t ticking. I’m finished forever with having children..my last tick tock was 20 years ago. Sorry,  but I can hold out a little longer. For what? The ultimate prize! A happy, fulfilling, marriage with a man that LOVES me as I LOVE him. And for the record that is how I’m going to say it from now on in my prayers to God..Since I realize that sincere prayers are answered I am no longer just praying to get married. I’ve now added subtitles to that request to God. Had to apparently…but anywayz here is another one. “Over 40 and with 2nd or subsequent marriages you no longer marry for love..you marry for security”..this was said to me by a male friend  about a year ago who is on  his 2nd marriage. So then I asked him. “Does your wife know that you married her so  you wouldn’t grow old alone or does she think you married her because you loved her?” I mean IF we’re going to keep it real than that should go both ways. I’m sick and tyeeeed of people giving advice and YET they don’t /haven’t followed it themselves. Isn’t that what they call a hypocrit? Not that I mind folks experienced in something that I’ m not giving me great advice..I welcome it! But let it be something that was actually something experienced by the advice giver…for otherwise you trivialize my situation. In my opinion anyway.

And what is the harm If I want to hang around waiting on the ONE long enough to collect dust on myself anyway? Why do folks seem to feeeeel they have to comment , critique or give advice? I certainly haven’t asked for any, yet. Matter of fact all I’ve done is stated quite openly the goals I set for myself regarding marriage. A date. An expectation I have for myself when I’ll be engaged by…however there is no expiration date on it. At this point I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Now, I don’t know if that is how I’ll feel if I’m still single mid 2013. Matter of fact as sensitive as this issue has gotten to me lately I don’t know how I’ll feel about this topic an hour from now. As with anything in this life, or least mine, sometimes at the end of the day..especially late in the day..sometimes I myself from time to time doubt goals I’ve set for myself. I am after all my worst critic. I do after all push myself very hard. Very. I’ve often set goals so steeeeep that I was disappointed/crushed when I couldn’t even on my tippy toes reach that high..but isn’t that what goals are suppposed to B? Something to make us reach higher?  To motivate us to not get…complacent? A way to make us constantly strive to do, better?  I could be wrong(wouldn’t be the first time) but that is the way I see IT at this phase of  my life journey. Knocking on 50 I’m still doing all I can to hang onTO my dreams that I left home holding at almost 20 yrs of age. And one of those dreams was to be part of a union, a marriage!, as loving as the one in which I was born into. A marriage which I knew, my brother knew, everyone knew, that come helllll or high water thru all the UPS N downs my parents would stay 2gether and IN love. Forever. It is where I learned the term LIFEmate from. My own Daddy said that long ago about my Mom. WOW. What little girl who heard that wouldn’t keeeeeep reaching/attempting to achieve that? How can said little girl all grown up settle for anything less??? Answer is, she can’t/won’t/simply refuses to settle for anything less than love. And it would be nice, soooo nice, to hear that other women respect and encourage that. I have a cousin that waited single for YEARS, without dating because her standards were that high. I won’t say how long she waited but it was longer than I hope I have to wait! But she had faith in God that her “one” would find her without her having to settle for less. I don’t think she knew, although I was dating at the time, how much I respected her for that and so much more. I should’ve told her..but I didn’t. I do now though because I can relate. We say as Christians we have faith. I hear things like , stand by your faith. Grow your faith stronger in God. Matter of fact this is the Year of Faith in my church. Well, I’m trying with all my might to stand on  my faith in alot of things. Alot. And every day, instead of getting easier, truth B told it is getting harder. I really needed to write this out to work it out..I pray/hope there is a young women out there reading this that is in the same situation I’m in. I want her to know it can be done. Or least it can be attempted even at almost 50 yrs of age..Try hard to stand fast in your beliefs. Your dreams. Your goals. Take it one day at a time step by step driving forward to gain them. And for heavens sake have FUN and laugh, laugh, laugh, and love. love, LOVE  along the way. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 n only)

 

Posted in =Self Discovery=, Motivational!, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, WOW, ^^Thought Provoking^^

*Chivalry is NOT dead..But what the HECK happened 2 the COURTING process??*

What Happened to Us
What Happened to Us (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alright folks this  ONE  I can really sink my teeth into! And  at this phase of my life journey I can relate ..Not alot of topics I’ve written on here yet that I am going through as I write or speak on it..But this is IT. Lol!!  Saving this space for this weekend when I have time to give this topic the attention(& finger strokes it deserves..) So buckle UP cause I’ve got a feeeeeeling it is going to be a good one. Guaranteed…

I’ve got alot 2 say on this topic ..so timewise I might have 2 break N finish later on 2night so here I go…

Call me OLDskool (I really don’t mind..) but there are some things I just can’t wrap my brain around at how things have changed. Did I miss the memo on “dating” becoming passA? Or have I been in long term relationships so much in my life journey I wasn’t paying attention?!? Has the new form of courtship turned into “hanging out” “linking up” (wth?) “hook-ups(OMG @this term)” “jump-offs(yep, this is a real term folks..shaking my head” and I’m sure a ton of other so called hip terms I’ve not yet heard. NOR do I want to hear because I refuseee to buy into the hype. Not 2day or any day soon.  So, for those that have been “single and waiting to be discovered by the ONE(which is the category I fall into..) N in the 38-50 age range, how are you dealing with the “new” non-existent courtship reality? Are the days long gone when a guy actually even knows what courtship is? Or knows how it is to date a potential mate-for-life?? N for the record that is the ONLY type of dating I’m interested in. I don’t have time(I am on the brink of 50 folks..) to kiss or date any frogs(a/k/a OLD players or wanna-be-players..sorry but that is SO played out! and quite frankly was never in style in my opinion) N liberated or not..and I hold hand UP high as a liberated woman..is it toooo much to expect a guy to call ME to ask me out on a date?!? I’m not one to call a guy. It just isn’t me…unless I already know him well. In my heart of hearts I feeeeeel if a guy is “interested” he’ll make the phonecalls. And I will answer. Isn’t that the natural order of things? I’m used to being PURSUED. I thought part of the natural process was for a man to do the PURSUING. Isn’t part of the thrill for a guy(correct me if I’m wrong guys..) chasing and trying to attain a worthy potential as your MATE? Lawd! Has the entire book of dating been re-written since I’ve last been…single? ~2 Be Continued~(I’ve got alot more to say…) P.S. When I get back I’m going to ..(a) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why the state of dating/marriage is in such a CRAPPY state without it..(b) present a case in favor of COURTSHIP and why bringing back OLDskool wayz is the best solution to solve quickie unsuited marriages N quickie divorces. Buckle UP folks I’m just getting started! B back soon asap so stay tuned…<

4 those that are single/divorced/fresh out of a relationship/or nearing the end of a couple years hiatus from relationships(holding my hand UP on the latter..) N in the age group 38 yrs old to 50 yrs old are YOU happy with  or fulfilled with the current hooook UP/hanging OUT/jump off/linking UP type of culture ? For my “liberated” women sisters out there is the >I’m an INdependent woman!/fun/exciting/liberating mode working out for you as  satisfying/resulting in LONGterm relationships and/or marriage/happiness? Or are you STILL single? Or single again? Hmmmmm…lets let that sink in for a minute. Now mind you this case I’m building on is for those who think the following: 1. that being married is the ultimate love relationship 2. that being married is better than being single 3. that being married is the BEST situation for couples to raise children 4. that marriage provides deeeeep friendship with spouse/personal growth/LASTING intimacy with spouse. If you’re still with me after allll that lets move forward.

I’ll try to explain why I feel courtship is the best process in which to pick the best LIFE mate(at any age!) N for the record I don’t believe soul mates have to be a spouse. Personally I can attest to the fact that in this lifetime I’ve met 2 soulmates. Only married 1 of them…but a lifemate in my opinion..is what I’m seeking in a husband. (I’ll explain that term later if time permits) Courtship to me IS: a process in which the things a couple does are gearing towards finding(which means pursuit guys..) , winning , the right one..and then marriage. The couple is exclusive(yep!) and exerting a high sense of attentiveness and DEPENDability, and care towards the “potential” (I’ll explain another time what I feel a “potential” IS.. I know alot of women, me included, who from the very 1st meeting of a guy determine him immediately(or least I do…) as (a) Just a friend (b) Don’t even want to be his friend! ..total frog! N bad habits/lifestyle toooo bad to even want to be in his company, yuck (c) close to a potential mate but missing a couple essential qualities (d) potential lifemate. So anywayz a decent length of  courtship(dating) allows the couple to actually get to KNOW each other prior to marriage. One might ask what IS a decent time frame for this? Depends..I don’t put specific number of months on this as Steve Harvey does. In my world the BEST things are worth waiting for. So don’t ask me about how long it will be before the you-know-what part. As a couple once ya’ll know each other well ya’ll can figure that out on your own! After all we’re talking about grown folks…

Moving right along…what has happened since courtship is no longer the norm? Anyone know the current statistics on divorce??? Anyone out there know the amount of people who now do NOT even consider marriage N instead just shack UP? (thus leaving children with parents who more than likely won’t stay together..the odds are against it) How about the statistics on folks who sleep together soooo quickly they don’t even truly know who they’re dealing with. I mean , for real,  since our bodies are supposed to be a TEMPLE why would we(women or men) share of something so intimate (the highest of highs!) with someone we don’t know?!? Is it mayhaps folks have lost sight of what the true meaning of intimacy IS? And in my  humble opinion intimacy is a far cry different from sex….We are all grown here, right? Alright, so courtship lets a woman truly know that a man is (a) seriously interested in just HER (b) is willing to take the TIME to prove his intent (c) and is willing to use his CREATIVITY to plan enjoyable activities/outings(could be as simple as a walk on the beach…) to gain her affections and her love. In regards to what courtships lets a man know(I’ve got to guess here cause I’m not a man)  (a) that the woman is seriously interested in only HIM (b) that a woman has the qualities that she said she had on the 1st date!(oh, I meant to add that for women as well) (c) is the type of woman he would be proud to take home to meet his parents(THAT is key in my opinion..)

It is my personal opinon that no matter how much womans’ lib has changed the game the roles of men/women should rightfully stay somewhat close to the roles in which we were created. Period. I think it is because of womens lib that things got so screwed UP in the first place. I can’t speak for any other woman except myself but I only desire a man that is a leader! Has to have a back bone/be strong/be confident!/and is the rightful head of the household. Even the way our physcial & biological makeup is designed points to men being the head…Does this mean that a woman has NO voice or opinion? Absolutely not. Because the  day will NEVER come that I have no opinion. Not in this lifetime nor the next…However I feel there is a happy/loving medium. And it works when both parties desire the same thing and work to make it work. I’ve seeeeen it work for 50 yrs now in my parents marriage(btw they still hold hands N dance 2gether! love IT) …which leads me to another point . How can folks that have NOT seen a long term marriage work truly know what to strive for or expect??? Hmmmmm. Can they? Which is why the cycle of this madness must stop somewhere. In order to get back to the natural order of things. Its gotten SO out of hand…for those of us nearing 50 we’ve seeeeen it and probably lived it! And hopefully learned from it…What I’ve learned is its my inherent desire to take things back to the way they were backintheday. N one of my prayers IS that the man who was created to love ONLY me feels the very same way. And another prayer is that he is somewhere out there-looking for ME-& reading this.  If ya’ll have anything 2 add to this discussion feel free to do so. I’d love to read it and I’ll respond. We can all learn from each others’ experiences…Until then stay blessed N UPlifted. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)