Black. Catholic. Full Stop*Beginning of Lent and Resisting Temptation

I had no intention of discussing Lent today nor its meaning..But it happened anyway..Not within the confines of things I can control..It just happened..Funny thing IS it happened while simply explaining to someone I couldn’t keep my committment to work out due to it being Ash Wednesday..Little did I know that would lead to an entire text chat defending my Catholic Faith..Are y’all ready for this? Hold onto to your caps, hats, wigs and weaves because here I GO>>

I’ve no issue with defending my Faith..But I’ve also no issue admitting I don’t like being put in a position to have to! I don’t ask anyone else to defend their Faith and I don’t take kindly to feeling I have to defend mine..But I shall if I and when I have to..Any day 24/7 365 days of the year. I am Black and I am Catholic. Period. And there is no other religion I’d rather practice and be a pupil of; other than the first. Catholicism. >>

I don’t critique other religions. I feel everyone has the right to practice whatever religion they desire..I also feel folks that do NOT have a clue about a certain practice of religion, other than speculation or hearsay, should never ever speak as IF they’ve got knowledge of a certain religion. I’ve no problem with answering questions about the religion I’m apart of..But when you a. step to me and act as if you know all about Catholicism but come across as not knowing the first thing about it. OR b. step to me with nothing but hearsay and wrong assumptions OR c. step to me quoting me Bible scripture that you think counter the Catholic religion…My interest level wains from the inception and so does my respect level for you. Instantly. >>

Before I go any further I’d like to profess I don’t think nor feel I’m a Bible thumping over righteous type of Christian who bangs folks over the head with my religion nor my Faith…I’ll never show up at your front door trying to convert you to Catholicism. I even sometimes wonder if there are so many things considered SINS in Catholicism that I’m forever destined to be a sinner. (after all we were born sinners..) Though I practice celibacy until my next marriage(OMG that’s tough) it is said even lusting or thinking about SEX is a SIN outside of marriage..IF that is truly the case then I’ve certainly got strikes against me! ..For I’m not of the belief I have ‘credit’ with God; no matter how good I treat people in my day-to-day life. But I’ll try not to stray to far from my point>>

All of that said today was the first day in my entire life I told someone google UP what Ash Wednesday Mass meant to Catholicism ..I’d tired of texting the reasons..And just in case I left anything out, I figure I’ll give it my best shot here. For I believe a lot of folks , even practicing Catholics, might not know what the intent is behind Ash Wednesday. We’re all learning and there is nothing wrong with learning a little bit more & truly understanding the age-old rituals>>

Lent is the forty day period before Easter, excluding Sundays, which begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Holy Saturday (the day before Easter Sunday). [This traditional ennumeration does not precisely coincide with the calendar according to the liturgical reform. In order to give special prominence to the Sacred Triduum (Mass of the Lord’s Supper, Good Friday, Easter Vigil) the current calendar counts Lent as only from Ash Wednesday to Holy Thursday, up to the Mass of the Lord’s Supper. Even so, Lenten practices are properly maintained up to the Easter Vigil, excluding Sundays, as before.]Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Season of Lent. It is a season of penance, reflection, and fasting which prepares us for Christ’s Resurrection on Easter Sunday, through which we attain redemption.Following the example of the Nine vites, who did penance in sackcloth and ashes, our foreheads are marked with ashes to humble our hearts and reminds us that life passes away on Earth. We remember this when we are told

“Remember, Man is dust, and unto dust you shall return.”

Ashes are a symbol of penance made sacramental by the blessing of the Church, and they help us develop a spirit of humility and sacrifice.

The distribution of ashes comes from a ceremony of ages past. Christians who had committed grave faults performed public penance. On Ash Wednesday, the Bishop blessed the hair shirts which they were to wear during the forty days of penance, and sprinkled over them ashes made from the palms from the previous year. Then, while the faithful recited the Seven Penitential Psalms, the penitents were turned out of the church because of their sins — just as Adam, the first man, was turned out of Paradise because of his disobedience. The penitents did not enter the church again until Maundy Thursday after having won reconciliation by the toil of forty days’ penance and sacramental absolution. Later, all Christians, whether public or secret penitents, came to receive ashes out of devotion. In earlier times, the distribution of ashes was followed by a penitential procession.

The Ashes

The ashes are made from the blessed palms used in the Palm Sunday celebration of the previous year. The ashes are christened with Holy Water and are scented by exposure to incense. While the ashes symbolize penance and contrition, they are also a reminder that God is gracious and merciful to those who call on Him with repentant hearts. His Divine mercy is of utmost importance during the season of Lent, and the Church calls on us to seek that mercy during the entire Lenten season with reflection, prayer and penance.

Hopefully none of you will have to answer a litany of questions about practicing Lent(and from a friend no less..) but IF you are I’m prayerful my rant can give you the the info you need..Or , even more importantly, motivate you to learn more about your Catholic Faith. Bottom line as Believers we’re all brothers/sisters in Christ..And at the beginning and end of each day that is what should matter in our interpersonal relationships..Not what religion we practice. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted and blessed,Berna(the 1 & Only)

>>FORGIVENESS<<

..Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you’ve given the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you’ve let go of the anger or guilt towards someone, or towards yourself. But that can be easier said than done! IF forgiveness was easy, everyone would be doing it…

..This ’tis the season of love!, compassion, understanding, empathy..I can’t walk or stand as a Catholic Christian without also letting go of negative energy in my heart against those that have hurt me in the past..Forgiving IS not easy! It has meant moving beyond my own comfort zone, BUT, I sigh with relief that my heart is now pure of ANY hatred.. I AM FREE AT LONG LAST.

‘Forgiveness’ A Berna Original Poem

Mandela forgave his captors and set his soul free..
That knowledge certainly had an impact on me
Yet..
I didn’t have the courage to forgive on my own
For so long I’ve had fears that were unknown
But..
A living angel whispered in my ear
True trusted friend & confidant that I adore!
Boosted me UP & convinced me to face fear
Head ON..
I hadn’t realized I could hurt a person by feeling hate
Max of hypocrisy…
To hate=hurt someone who wished to bring harm my way
I am not proud to admit..
It had grown so easy to DO and feel
Try as I must to always keep it real
And..
To live life out loud
And so yesterday I made a vow
To me/myself/and I
I will not hold chains on anothers’ soul
That is not how I get down nor roll
What I fear more than any person on earths’ wrath
Is ruining my relationship with God; my path..
2
Eternal life
So I dumped the hate from my heart in an instant

With hardly advance notice..
Poof!
Erased . Gone. No twisted motives..Just freedom of spirit!
I can’t soar being bogged down with negative internal ‘ish
And soar..
Is what I was created/born 2 do…
To myself I’ll always be true
Who knew?
Saying, I forgive you would help me to grow stronger
I’ll not fear for my safety; not a day longer
I’m a protected & very loved! child of God~~
My soul , and my colorful spirit!, has been set free.

****FOOTNOTE = Because of the concerns/comments I’ve had from folks who knew of the seriousness of what I forgave(they’re shocked I could forgive) ..I feel inclined to leave a footnote & then I won’t deliver any explanations thereafter..I’ve been asked questions @How do you know the person is sincere? How do you know the ‘ish is truly over?…Truth IS I don’t know if the person is sincere..I’ve no crystal ball & I’ve not yet learned how to read minds..To forgive someone doesn’t mean the scar is gone..To forgive someone does NOT mean you trust them; because in this case I certainly do NOT.(I can never trust liars) To forgive someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be friends; because in this case we certainly will NOT be..It is not on the person who forgives to know 100% if the person seeking forgiveness is sincere or legitimate..But in my book this is now a closed book. It is OVER(& actually should’ve been from the onset..) The onus now lies with the person who seeks forgiveness to own up & let things GO. DISCLAIMER = I’m not advising anyone to forgive someone , until you’re ready. No one has the right to ask another to forgive someone..I didn’t mean to imply that in my poem..Forgiving someone is a personal matter. I think we can all learn from one another; thus my reason for sharing this subject matter with my poem****

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.” Quote by Martin Luther King, Jr

^It IS Fist PUMP Friday^ No News Like Good News*Spirit of a Woman*>

Aren’t we ALL ready for some good news? Well, good news is always welcome here..and Fist PUMP Friday has finally arrived. Good news is just a couple keystrokes away..

There are 4 women in my life, they shall remain nameless for this post , whose strength has added strength to my spirit. Their spirits wavered only briefly..like a flicker of a flame..as they quickly bounced back(& steady continual recovery from physical ailment/surgery. What they probably don’t know is how their personal victories; warm many hearts >

For the woman who is a Mother figure to me ; but doesn’t know it..To see you in Mass this past Sunday was an AMAZING pleasant surprise..Your many weeks in recovery/chemo/rest/more chemo/radiation treatments; have been weeks of much silent & open prayer from me and your/our church. You’ve touched MANY and you’ve given many a strong, picture of what true FAITH looks like …Your strength easily equals the strength of 10. Your grace & essence personify beauty. You’ve taught me  with no formal  written lesson plan. >

For the woman in my life who just had recent ‘major’ surgery..Your courage is beyond admirable..As yet another Mother figure to me; you reign high on my list! I know sooner than soon; we WILL dance & dance & dance & dance..your spirit is one of the warmest I’ve ever encountered. Likewise your outer & inner beauty. Forever one of my fave people in the world..

To my sister from another Mother..It was a pleasure to share my parents with you for your week plus some recovering..You bounced back so quickly after surgery; amazed us all! Your never-wavering  strength & silence of your own fears of surgery; only deepened my level of respect for you. Endless regard, highest esteem, and mad love for ya. You rock!

Majority of days after drinking my veggie green smoothie “yuck!” monster drink..I am beyond ready for real food. (I still can’t believe that hospital cafeteria closed at 630p.m. wth??) There aren’t too many people I’d starve for, for what seemed like hours!, LOL, to wait for your test results. Just had to see you that night..and the smile on your face when you saw me waiting in your hospital room? PRICELESS and made me forget my hunger pains & the ache in my feet from wearing heels all day at work..I’m very happy your stay was a false alarm. Yay! Yay! Yeaaaaaa>

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed..And I hope your upcoming week is full of fist-pump moments! 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

~Ephiphany? Aha! Moment or Full Circle Moment?*DPCHALLENGE*PostaDay

 ONE   last of these type of  inner-seeking/self-discovery type of posts N then? Onto what I’m ITCHING to write about..Politics! Took a break from it for a while, breather of sorts, but I always try 2 stay posted and as ALWAYS  I’ve got alot 2 say. So next UP will B musings on whats going  on with our guys in D.C..But for now I’ve got a question for ya’ll. Anyone out there ever feel like you’re always, always! the one in class(or any presentation scenario..) and YOU are the only 1 who raises their hand to ask a question?!? And then! after class or the presentation other people run UP to you and say thanks! for asking that because I had the sameeee question but didn’t ask..Why? Why? I am always, always the ONE to ask such questions..I sit there for a minute looking around , hoping, praying!, someone will ask. But they don’t. N then I just can’t help it I’ve got to know so UP goes my hand..Whether I’m nervous to stand UP in a crowd  or thinking  that folks will think it is a DUMB question I’m asking  or whatever, I’ve just got 2 know…

~There are times in ones’ life when all of a sudden bam! you instantly go from NO clarity to clarity..In my lifetime it has happened twice. As if a great big fog was suddenly lifted. Recently, this past summer, was the strongest such happening for me. I literally “felt” as if I was living@I once was blind, but now I see. Honestly, I can’t explain it any other way. I didn’t see a big light bulb in my minds’ eye. I didn’t see GOD in my sleep. But what I did experience was so life-altering and beautiful..and one day I’m going to try to express it properly by writing about it. Not sure if I am capable  of giving it the due justice it deserves ;yet. (but when I feel I am I’ll blog about it..) I’ll say this though : I went from BEing  a wanna-be full faithful  believer that was practicing Catholism by going to Mass TO a fully faithful  BEliever in GOD/thirsting N thirsting  to gain a closer relationship to GOD/fully immersed in involvement in my Catholic faith/church/choir. Bam! Not sure if everyone experiences such ephiphany moments; but I sure wish it was something I could bottle UP and give to everyone! It is that magnificent of an experience.

Aha! moments are a bit more common, right? These are what I truly call the “light bulb” moments…When you just know what you know because you know IT. And! you know it as it is happening..not after-the-fact. Or least this is how it has happened to me. One such moment was when I first met my exhusband. Yep! Don’t think I ever told him this(or I might have because I talk alot..) and since he reads my blog NOW he’ll know..But from the very first time I laid eyes on him I just knew he’d be my husband. Truth is he laid eyes on me first & I had NO clue he was watching me..but when I did see him I knew. And I was right. Pretty happy I had that aha! moment 🙂

Last but not least@full circle moments..I’ve only had ONE of these in this lifetime. And it has been such a beautiful yet sometimes overwhelming experience. Being an emotional person by nature I’ve had to stifle the butterflies in my tummy at times this past 16 months. Other times I’ve had to let the tears of joy just flow and flow..including during Mass .(which has been happening more to me than ever before as of late especially when I’m singing certain songs in Mass..Yep, the Holy Spirit has been moving through me alot) I think  a full circle moment to me means is that I had to come back 2 where I began to complete my life journey. Instead of being a step backwards(as I felt it was when I made the journey 16 months ago..) it has become something that has enriched my life. For the 1st time in my life I know I am right where I am supposed 2 B. In every possible way…N I have literally come full circle. And it just feels right, and just!, and good. 

As I started this off saying IF you find that in a room full of people you’re the ONLY one who will raise your hand to ask a question…It just means you’re NOT afraid to be different! And that even IF you are afraid on the inside(as I often times am ) you move forward/or ask that! question/or make a change for the better; thus over-riding your fears..Which takes courage and strength. I’ve been my own worst critic for the majority of my life; but what I’m trying to share with ya’ll is the hope that you’ll give yourselves credit for your great qualities(like courage/strength, etc) There will be many defining moments in our lives@ephiphany, aha!moments, full circle moments…as well as just precious moments in time. I treasure them all as I hope you do…I’ve learned to complain less & less in this lifetime. Why ? Because as we’re wasting breath complaining; there is someone somewhere taking their very last breath of life. Which would you prefer to be doing? Yep, me too! Be back tomorrow with my take on whats going on in D.C..till then stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

~~Daily Prompt~UN FaithFUL *DP CHALLENGE*Post A Day@Just DOing IT

I saw this prompt on WordPress this morning N could hardly believe my eyes! A chance to write, solicited, about my journey of Faith. A journey which spans an entire lifetime, mine, N a myriad of phases. From wannaBbeliever/attending Mass all the while over the years, yet not feeeeeeeling IT/starting 2 grasp IT/seeking 2 fully believe/Believer in every bone of my body and HUNGRY to learn more N more. Going to take a few moments to gather my thoughts so that my keystrokes can relay what I’d like to share. ^2 B Continued Soon^

Where do I begin  a topic such as Faith? A topic that has become so very personal 2 me that I’m excited just being about 2 write about IT. Saying that, keystroking it rather, still amazes me because a mere 5 years ago I’d not have felt such excitement over the topic of Faith. I was IN a different time N space then. A different mindset. And yet, I’ve been LED to right where I am now. The here N now. Present in the moment N oh! so content , pleased, HAPPY, to B in this moment. Any1 who has known me for a decent length of time knows that is a miracle inofitself…

I can not promise this will B a post of brevity. But I can promise it will B sincere N hope it is received as such. Never do I profess to be an expert in anything..though I’m experienced in ALOT ..I possess a PHD in life. From extreme moments of joy 2 being down in valleys so deeeeeep I didn’t think I’d make it out..alive. Real talk. There once was a time I didn’t think I’d live to see 50 yrs of age. There once was a time I did NOT want to live to see the age of 50 yrs of age. There once was a time my own actions /feelings were indicative that I didn’t like myself very much. And  yet by my outward appearance people thought I loved ME. But on the inside I was lost…a part of my inner being was murdered when I was a teen. An action that even my own Daddy couldn’t *stop* from happening to ME..and yet here I stand on the brink of making IT to 50 yrs of age. I am in AWE of that and that is tough! to express to people. So I no longer try…I just AM . Trying to live UP to my GOD given purpose. Far from that goal yet I’m so very , very much closer than I ever have been in my life. And you know what? I just feeeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOD about 99% of the time! Real talk. Alive, vibrant, and leaping out of bed each day @O’dark thirty hours eager! to start each new day. I say all of this to attempt to express to ya’ll how very GOOD that my GOD is allll the time. I’d not have wasted these keystrokes to say such personal things if not trying to show you just how FAR my GOD has brought ME..through things I didn’t think I’d ever make it through. Once something I yearned to believe IN(because those I loved dearly@my parents believed so strongly…) and now? I believe so strongly that  at times the feeling of goodness feeeeeels so good I get overwhelmed. Ever felt something that good? So good it scared you? And yet even that scared feeling of butterflies about to burst out of your tummy felt good?!? That is how I feel most of the time now…I can’t properly describe it any other way.

After experiencing a very  unexpected spiritual awakening in a state I’d lived in &  loved! since 1989..I found MYself led, guided, to move cross country. 2 beginning anew. At 48 yrs of age…I was simply put, terrified to do that! Yet everything happening was urging me/gently pushing me towards making such a bold move. I was afraid to do it. I was afraid not to do it. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll as it still 2 this day makes 2 me. Shortly after relocating cross country I was fortunate enough to attend my very 1st(but certainly not my last..) National Black Catholic Conference in Indianapolis with my parents & new church friends. AND MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED. Over a period of  4 days I for the 1st time in my life felt I belonged NOT just to the religion I’d been a part of since birth..but I began to feel remarkably different. I began to see things differently. I began to say things differently. It happened so suddenly! I had begun to believe in GOD fully and almost overnight. Not forced nor reaching to believe as I had my entire 40 some odd years…Bam! I believed. My life, the years past of my life/events of my life/people who had entered my life/circumstances that happened in my life/…began to rewind in my mind. Over days N days..as IF someone was playing a movie of MY life. I couldn’t STOP it..seriously thought I was losing my dang mind. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not even my Mom. Sounded far too crazy to try to explain..or did IT?

My entire outlook on things changed..Instead of feeling sorry for MYself about things I’d left behind..Stead of lamenting about people /loved ones! I couldn’t see daily(that I missed as if it were the AIR I had to breathe..) I threw myself head 1st into becoming the type of person I so admired. I began to WORK on tweaking/changing every facet of myself that I did not care for. Tough job to do at almost 50 yrs of age…I didn’t consult anyone. But I began to PRAY for guidance. I simply had a chat with GOD N asked him to please let me seeeeee the me that everyone else loves! Let me begin to love…ME. Heal me from things that happened long ago that were NOT within my control. Allow me to learn to lose  the tight, oh so tight! control, I have held over my heart. Let me live life to the potential I know you’ve plotted out for me since before my conception. And then! I realized I was talking to GOD..and I fully believed he was hearing me. Just so happened the exact way  I just wrote it. I became a full believer without the least amount of effort. A process of things over a lifetime brought me..here. So I’ve decided that it must’ve ALL been a part of HIS plan. That had my life happened any other way I simply wouldn’t have gotten IT. Once I was so very blind; but now I see EVERYthing so clearly. I kid you not. N I’m as serious as I’ve ever been about anything.

Now? I’m like a sponge. I am on a personal pilgrimage..Still journeying to get closer to my GOD. So much I’ve yet to learn . I don’t confess to have Bible scriptures memorized. Nor do I profess to be a perfect Christian. I am NOT a perfect anything. I am just me..the one and only creation of what my God created me to B. I don’t even long to be perfect! I think that would make me boring as heck…What am I? I am perfectly imperfect.

I’ll leave ya’ll with this final thought. Fear not if you don’t yet believe 100%…just wanting to believe is a start! WE are ALL loved children of GOD..whether we believe or not. This is what I feel. This is what I’ve come to know. And if we just stop trying to follow our OWN will N let HIS will for us B and go with the flow when we are LED by him…life gets SO much easier! I stress and worry so much less than I used 2..that is yet another miracle! inofitself. Not saying I don’t still worry about things; but its FAR less than I used to. Progress…for Rome wasn’t built in a day. And it is ridiculous to think anything, including a person, especially one almost 50 lol! would change totally overnight…but I’m getting closer. I am WISER. I am STRONGER. I am SO much better than I used 2 B. Can’t ask for much more than that. And? If it can happen to me, and I can assure you my words R true, it can/WILL happen to anyone. You if you want it 2. All you have to do is ..BELIEVE. Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count each and every one of your blessings 2day N every day. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)