I can almost clearly recall back-in-the-day trying my best to be a perfectionist..In ALL that I did or said..For some reason I’d convinced myself that being “perfect” was what I had to do & be..I had the perfect husband who did only perfect things & would NEVER cheat on me like other women’s husbands..Oh NO not my husband! (By the way he was a nearly perfect & fine as heck hubby; and I’m not saying that just cause he’s a reader either lol! I’m serious..) I had the perfect children who I swore be danged weren’t going to have temper tantrums like other folks kids/were going to be scholars that read & read & weren’t allowed to listen to negative rap, etc etc…I kept the perfect household that was clean enough to eat off the floor..No small achievement with 3 small sons romping about..I was a hyper ball of energy juggling a cazillion balls at a time at the pace of the energizer bunny..From the outside looking in I had it ALL..Perfection to a T. And yet it wasn’t perfect..Nothing is ever as perfect as it looks. Even when it is US viewing the given situation at hand>>
As I reflect back, briefly, on those days I realize that I’m nearest “perfection”; when I’m NOT trying to reach perfection. Took me many moons to come to that realization..First & foremost a state of perfection simply does NOT exist. In ANYTHING. Admitting that to myself was the first step to my perfectionist recovery..I was holding myself to a standard that was a set-up for failure from the onset..Hand in hand with that I was also holding my loved ones to the same unreachable standards. Perfection doesn’t exist/A state of perfection does NOT exist/Nothing in this life is perfect/I am not perfect. Over and over and over again I had to let the words rain down on me & soak into my being>>
It isn’t easy to acknowledge one’s own faults/flaws..Truly takes much self-reflection to learn what makes us tick..Learning what truly makes us; happy. I learned I don’t desire being perfect..Being perfect takes too much work! And it isn’t FUN..I’m enjoying life far more now that I’m just allowing myself to BE. In turn I was able to relay to my sons to learn from their mistakes…I think its a mistake to try to STOP children from making mistakes..That is impossible. And long ago I quit wasting time on things that weren’t realistic nor feasible>>
IF this were a perfect world & life I think it would be called something entirely different..It would be called HEAVEN. And since it isn’t? I’m just glad I’ve learned to accept me & others for who they are..Imperfections and all..It is a state of being that takes far less effort than attempting to reach perfection. This way is effortless! I’m still juggling a cazillion balls; but I’ve learned that the key isn’t making sure no balls drop. It is knowing what can bounce back if you drop it & what can’t..Or least that is the way I see it.