This topic comes to y’all by special request..Prompted by a post a loyal reader read that I made on another post recently. Just happens to be a topic I adore..Wish I’d have thought of writing on it myself. I’ll be back soon enough with my take on it & its going to be well worth the wait. My uncensored inner most thoughts about my favorite topic. Love…***>
Ever meet someone & everything is going perfectly, too perfect. They’re looking yummy, smelling yummier(lawd!) , body is a dream come true, and a smile that melts your heart? And then in an instant that perfect picture is ruined when they begin to …talk. >
I’m sure many of you reading this can relate from the school of hard knocks regarding…love, dating, and being single. If one is honest with themselves(which is a learned skill..& I found as I age it gets easier & easier to be TRUE to myself) they’ve got to admit this. The “thrill” of meeting someone new that one is attracted to; is a wonderful rush of wonderful feelings that makes one feel just..well..WONDERFUL from head to toe. And I realize thats a run -on sentence but its the only way I can express the sentiment I’m trying to describe. Capisce? Alright, cool . Moving right along>
Yet, with all of the lovely, wonderful, ecstatic feelings felt when meeting/dating someone new also comes..uncertainty. And silent unasked questions…Are they being HONEST? Is this the real them they’re presenting; or is this their representative? Representative= That AWESOME person in every way that you ever! dreamed of/can’t do no wrong/butter won’t melt in their mouth..Until the “honeymoon” stage ends; and the real them pops out and…OMG you wonder if you’ve died and landed in the twilight zone somewhere! Often I’ve wondered how folks can possibly think this “trickery” will work for long. And..how can someone respect someone who from the JUMP perpetrated an absolute fraud?!? Isn’t it much better to just be oneself out the gate? Least thats my theory@ This is who I BE. Take me as I am..Love me or Leave me the heck alone. I like who I am & have worked dang hard to get to this point so..if we don’t vibe we just don’t vibe..then we can mayhaps just be friends. Isn’t that much simpler than wasting another person’s time? >
I’ve come to believe that majority of the good things in life take..Time. Plain & simple there is no way around it. Even though we often, especially in this day & age, want to rush! things and want things right this dang minute…I call it the microwave era. We want things , our way, and we want them like 10 minutes AGO. However, have you ever had a meal from the microwave that tasted even half as good; as a meal cooked & slaved over with tender love & care? Some of y’all might say yes..but if you say yes you’ve not had my Mama’s cooking! >
I’ve adopted the belief system that this also applies to love…And that just as love takes time to form; it also takes time to discern if a potential lifemate is our “the 1” . Makes sense , right? I mean I’ve learned that everything that looks good; is NOT good for me. I’ve also learned that the man that was chosen for me to love for the rest of my life, before I was even born, will be someone I can and DO call friend. First…before we ever begin to climb the staircase upwards & graduate to..love. This sounds good in theory; but is problematic because that means not giving in to the lure of; sex. >
The good news about SEX is; its mind-blowingly the 2nd to best(giving birth is the 1st) powerful JOYful feeling on earth. Hope most of y’all can agree; if not you’ve been in love with the wrong folks! But the bad news about SEX is; it can “blind” one to anything else important about a person. I think thats where the adage@ love is blind comes from..So having said that; would it not make more sense to let sex wait until a pair really knows one another? And what better way , and easier way, to do that then to take the time to become friends first? Or even consider friends as love interests? If this is the best case scenario for new love…why don’t more of us do IT in this manner? Because we’re human and the laws of attraction don’t consider how strong the power of sex IS..Or least that is the way I see IT>
Remember backintheday when our first few dates were chaperoned? It was general practice for a concerted reason…to keep couples from falling prey to physical temptation before a proper courting process had taken place. Things might have progressed a bit too far these days; to revert completely back entirely to oldskool ways. But how about using the concept? Double-dating or dating in groups or making it a point not to spend time alone & date in public areas…Y’all might ask if I’ve tried this to know it works. Nope, but now that I’m freshly open to dating; its something I’m going to attempt to employ.(and I’ll be blogging about the UPside when it happens) It’s that important to me to link up romantically with someone I call friend…enough to use the discipline to try something new. If one wants different results they’ve got to try different methods. There are two reasons I think & feel I know; that “friends first ” make the best life-long love affairs…>
#1 reason= The love relationship is built on a solid foundation. Having been friends first ; both parties should know the others’ likes, desires, and needs. This is the part of love relationships that began with SEX often fail….IF you don’t know a person well; sex can distract from truly getting to know them. Yes, sex can get in the way of that…or least that’s my take on it. Why? Because GREAT sex can become all -consuming and over-ride taking the time in takes to get to know someone..And if you’ve been starting love relationships with sex , and it consistently doesn’t work out, true sign you might need to try something else. I’m just saying..
#2 reason=Excitement & passion is heightened! Why? Because the mutual trust, respect( a must) & tolerance for one another gained from being friends first makes the desire stronger to please one’s intimate partner..This is something missing in casual sex link-UPs..because there aren’t any emotions or feelings attached to the person.
Lastly, the mutual trust created during a friendship , amps the odds up to a lasting love affair. After all lack of trust is one of the biggest factors these days tearing couples apart..I’ve heard of women checking their man’s wallets(for phone numbers) , checking his cell for texts or phone numbers, sniffing his clothes, and dang near running a full investigation as to their man’s whereabouts..As IF doing any of this will stop a man(or anyone) from cheating. It won’t. Truth be told, in my opinion, IF you’ve got to check up on your mate; the relationship already has major issues. There is no trade-off or substitute for mutual regard and trust.
>>Anyone out there begin a love relationship with friendship first? I’d love for you to share the outcome..