^HIGH Maintenance Alert^ Recently I was asked if I was ~N~ my response was a FAT fib..

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*DP Challenge*, *DP Challenge*Post A Day, blogging, DP Post A Day 2013, Good health, HIGH maintenance, High Maintenance women, Manicures, Massages, Pedicures, Self love, Self respect, Self worth, Shopping, Women, WordPress, Worth

^Setting UP the scene for ya’ll which brings this topic to mind:  During my weekly lunch breaks I head to the Mall sometimes.  2 squeeeeeze in alot of walking( GREAT exercise) while I window shop. Sooooo on this particular day I’d walked past a DEAL I had to stop in to check out..Shoes, shoes and rows of shoes on sale for 50% OFF..OMG, my ideal of   heaven!..Anywayz I was leaning down strapping on a pair of heels when I heard this voice say. ” Those compliment your legs”. I looked UP and there was the HOTTEST(his picture is probably listed on google somewhere under ‘incredibly SEXY & fineeeeee’)  brother I’ve seen  since moving cross country almost 14 months prior. For a  minute I thought I was dreaming. ( I do alot of that lately..) I had to blink twice to make sure I was really seeing him. BUT , I wanted to remain smoooooth and composed. So I opened my mouth and said something really stupid! “How long have you been standing there watching me???”  And then? Instead of giving me a sassy retort ; this brother began to “use” the very dating technique which I thought! I’d mastered..until he began to use IT. And blew my hair back with his questions. He began to interview me , right then & there, on the spot! With me, caught very OFF guard, these were my answers…

…His answer..”I’ve been watching you long enough to know I’m interested in knowing more about you”..OOooo I thought to myself, goooood answer. Then he said, ” Do you have a minute to humor me?” So I said,”I’ll give you 15 minutes as you walk me to my car because I’ve got to get back to work”..I  had no clue he was getting ready to give me his own interview questions. Quickly, but he managed to get it done. Told me to answer in one word or two if possible..OMG he doesn’t know I’ve got an issue with brevity! My stomach was doing a combination of somersaults and butterflies..didn’t know if I was going to vomit or explode from nervousness. I hoped! I didn’t look as nervous as I felt and yet also very..excited N intrigued. HE was(is) different from the onset. And I truly dig different & unique..

He began with ” Are you seeking a relationship? And if so, do you know what type? ”  I answered, yes/yes. “Whats your biggest pet peeve? I answered, married or taken men that hit on me. “Whats your idea of your favorite date night? ” Hmmm this will take more than 2 words. I’m picked up by my date. He has chosen the place and not told me. I love being surprised! He has planned something that is special, took forethought, and something that will involve quality time spent. “If you could have any superpower what would it be? And why? ” Ooooo good one! I wish I could magically give all hungry people food, all homeless people homes, and all people without love in their lives, love! Because love can make all things possible and I don’t feel anyone should be hungry, homeless or without experiencing love. “What is one of the most embarassing moments in your life?” Ugh, had alot of those! But one of them was the time I ran into a parked car one morning on the way to work. Longggg time ago cause I know how to drive now. VERY embarassing and I had my eldest son in the car with me…He said, “Damn that is a pretty bad one! Were you both ok?” I said, yes, how thoughtful of you to ask that…”What physical feature do you like most about yourself?” I said, my lips. “What physical feature do you hate about yourself?” I said, my oily skin. “Who is someone you wish you were closer to?” I said that is an easy one, GOD. And I’m working on that daily. “Are you high maintenance?” WOW things were rolling along SO well. We had just reached my car. This was the first time I’d paused before answering…How the heck am I supposed to answer that??!??? Especially when I think I know the answer and I’m big on this is ME take me as I am; BUT no one has ever asked me this!!!! And then I opened my mouth and told a bold faced lie. Which because I knew I was telling a lie has got to be a double whammy SIN. I couldn’t look him in the face when I answered. So I started fumbling with my keys and mumbling I had to go back to work. Danggggggg why did he have to ask that question???? *sigh* He was watching my every move and I suddenly felt like he could see every bit of me. Including my soul..I opened my mouth and said “No , I’m not high maintenance. I’m totally self-efficient” Wth was I saying?? And doing? And why?!? I don’t even know this dude. He could be a mass murderer for all I know. A stalker! A pervert. He looked down at me(talllll and fineeee) and said “That is the first time you’ve lied to me. And its good to see you don’t lie well at all…*pregnant pause*  May I have your cell number?” ~~~

Fast forward to that evening…I was talking to my Mom and said I don’t think I’m high maintenance ; do you? OMG My Mom couldn’t answer fast enough! Bottom line is she said yep! you are but not in a bad way…What is that supposed to mean??? Anyways the Mall brother has called every week about twice a week since then…. He’s an attorney who is going to be relocating here from cross country. Was here briefly to survey the area to see if he wanted to take a job offer..He’s a divorced attorney with a daughter in college. Asked me if I’d go out on a date with him after he’s here & settled .(he moves end of March) I said sure if I’m still single…Now that I have admitted to myself and him this is my definition. IF high maintenance means maintaining my health, fitness, my body(including my hair, nails, toes, appearance) ..than yep! i AM. But I’m self-sufficient in all ways. I don’t need nor require a man to take care of me nor my bills. What I do need is a man that loves & cherishes me.  IF high maintenance means I require the attention of my significant other. Than yep! I am. BUT I also give what I want in return. IF high maintenance means I like to communicate with my significant other. Than yep! I am. I can’t read minds nor do I pretend to…I’ll make contact with my S.O. by talking, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, smoke signal!, even send a message in a bottle if need BE. IF high maintenance means because I’m friends with my xhusband & xboyfriend. Than yep! I am. But if  you have TRUST issues than you’re not the one for me anyway. IF high maintenance means I require spending time with my S.O. Than yep! I am. Quality time is a MAJOR must with me. In my minds eye  it is the best gift a man can offer; his time. Likewise for me..Amount of time spent isn’t half as important to me as the content. I’m busy too…IF high maintenance means I like to know I’m thought about from time to time during the day by my S.O. Than yep! I am. Thats what texts were created for , isn’t it??? If a man is seeking a woman that is easy, doesn’t have an opinion, and won’t treat him like her King..than I’m NOT the woman for him. If a man is seeking a good woman, with a good/sincere heart!, who believes in GOD, and will treat him like the King he IS..then here I am. Take me as I am & I’ll follow suit. Because I’m…

********50 is NOT the new anything..50 is just 50..Period. Exclamation point********

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Aging, Aging gracefully, Birthday celebration, Celebrating life, Enjoying Lifes Journey, Exclamation mark, God, Good health, Home, Learning, Loving life, Making it to 50, Maturing, Over the hump?, Phase (waves), Philosophy, the big 50, Thought, Trying to age gracefully

Any1 who knows/loves me knows I make the BIG 5*0 this coming July 4th..Yep, firecracker for sure out the gate. N though I’m not yet quite 50 yrs old I’m ready 2 talk about the anticipation of making IT. Almost there should qualify me as able to speak on it or least thats the way I see IT. Another 1 to stay tuned for N it will be well worth the wait..~Coming Soon but not soon enough..~Alright I’m back! N going to let the words/my vibe flow..

Listening to Quincy Jones Ultimate Collection & for younger folks reading this that translates to REAL MUSIC..Hope ya’ll go retro sometimes with your music selections 2 truly enjoy how gooood music used to be. But anywayz onto the topic at hand. I’m going to try to properly express why I (a) HATE when I hear the term@50 is the new 40s or even 30s(what the heck?) (b) why knocking on 50 yrs of age doesn’t suck.

WHY is it that people simply can’t enjoy the NOW?  As IF being in the “right here N now” is a bad thing! Oh, but how I’ve personally evolved(and am still evolving..) since my 20s. Lawd only knows! (as do my parents /loved ones/including 2 friends who have known me for 20 plus years) For I cried, literally, the entire day of my 29th birthday. As If somehow that was going to stop me from turning 30. I felt such a sense of loss leaving my 20s behind…and yet now? I wonder with awe how I could’ve been so terribly naive and afraid of aging. Now? I’m doing my very DA*Mdest to  age with grace…gently gliding into the next phase of my life journey. 50! An entire 5 decades older. Half a century…WOW. When I was in my teens 30 was OLD. When I was in my 20s 40 was OLD. Now that I’m on the very doorstep of 50..it just IS. Its not OLD. Its not over-the-hill either(hate that phrase too!) It simply just IS the next phase I’m moving onto. The things that I cherish now are the very same things I took for granted in my 20s..I’m more appreciative of simple things now. Like the mere fact BOTH of my parents are alive N well. I am STILL 2 this day learning from my parents(take note of that younger folks…) As independent-mode-minded as I went crashing out into the outside world from home at almost 20 yrs of age..I! never would’ve thought 1 day I’d stilllll be learning from my parents at dang near 50. Soaking UP their wisdom/experience like one would sopp  up gravy with a biscuit(don’t ya’ll do that?? I do…) I’m guessing 1 of the benefits of making it to 50 is learning that one NEVER stops learning. Once-upon-a-time I was naive enough(the audacity of being youthful/young!) to think I knew it ALL. Pfft. Still 2 this day I don’t know it all; and thank God(& my lucky stars) I finally came to that realization.

50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. Period. N yep, big ole exclamation mark. The beauty of making it to 50 is finally feeeeeling the freeeedom to say what I truly feel. Still try to say it with RESPECT(for thats part of my nature..) however, there was a time I was such a people-pleaser(still am in alot of ways) that I’d worry about how they’d feeeel if I said  what was really on my mind. NOT anymore. Now? If you don’t want 2 know my true opinion please do NOT ask me a question. An outstanding brother & lifetime friend of mine once taught me”Never ask a question that you don’t want the answer to” Hmmm lets think about that for a minute. WHY do people ask questions yet their hair is blown back when we answer HONESTLY? Don’t they really want to know  our thoughts when they ask us a question? Most times I’ve found folks really don’t…But thats their problem; not the person they ask the question of. Or least thats the way I see it now. Personally I’ve learned in my almost 50(yep FIFTY) years is I learn SO much when I ask questions N usually I ask them of people who can give me a sound/experienced answer. I’m thirsty for knowledge still at this age! Its almost as if I’ve reverted back to the primary years in the amount of “stuff” that I am soaking up. From every angle, direction, resource..including from other folks behavior/actions/words. IF there is anything “new” about turning 50 for me it is that .  In my 20s & 30s I thought I knew it all so I could’ve honestly cared less to seeeeek others out for knowledge. I felt I was getting that from books..(I’m a lifelong avid reader) How much I thought I knew and in reality knew so little..

Knowledge will make you free (Photo credit: tellatic)

Again, 50 is NOT the new 30s or 40s. 50 is 50. And inofitself that is a beautiful thing! Personally? As fit as I was in my 20s & 30s I feeeeeel better physically NOW then I have in my entire life. And thats a mouthful folks…I might not be able to climb tall mountains; but I dang sure feel like I can! I didn’t reach my peak like some people do in their 40s..I am there right NOW.  N I’ve not even reached the top of the wave yet..In surfer-dude terms I’m riding the waveeeeee. And I am attempting to DO all I said I was going to do waybackinmy20s. Finally! 2 be able 2 have finally arrived at that point, this phase, is for me “almost” too overwhelming to even try to describe in words. It IS that good 2 me. I could give some advice now to the younger folks reading this. I could try to explain what they’ve got to loooook forward 2 at 50 yrs of age. But honestly? I feel everyone’s experience is different. As different as we are as individuals so are our life experiences. And how we perceive our life experiences..I will say this. 2 anyone reading this but especially those generations behind me. ENJOY every moment of your life! Realize early on that every single, day! is a gift to YOU from GOD. Don’t take it for granted even though in our youth taking things for granted IS  what alot of us do…including me. Listen!/learn/respect your parents always…their  love/support will sustain you for LIFE. Remember as you become parents that parenthood is a LIFElong committment. It never ends…And take ALOT of pictures of your children when you bear children..for they’ll grow faster than you want them to. GET your education so that you’ll be armed to support yourself  and your dreams. Surround yourself always with people you admire/respect/have good morals/make sound judgements. Walk away from people who yearn to pull you down or away from your goals. Gain an early knowledge/regard/honor to the Father that created YOU. And sustain that relationship throughout your entire life. It is the ONE relationship in your life you can’t do without..N last but not least LOVE,LOVE,LOVE and LOVE hard and deeeeply! Starting with YOURself..for love is the true meaning/basis of what life on this earth is about. Or least that is my most sincere and heartfelt feelings on that matter..

Finally 50 is 50. Its a beginning of a different phase of life for me. A phase I’m very cognizant of N that I look 4ward to with the energy N joy of a small child on CHRISTmas morning! If there is anything new about turning 50 it is my new appreciation of every facet of life. I’m looking back alot less these dayz. Looking backwards will cause one to fall down N I’ve no intention of doing anything except standing firmly and moving ONward and UPward. I’ve yet 2 reach the max of my God given purpose. I’m far from finished..When I do reflect on the past 5 decades I reflect on the beautiful memories! The THREE beautiful, Black, young , gifted, intelligent, artistic, brothers I helped to create & co raise. My Black Princes for life…I reflect alot on their smiling childish faces, their 1st steps!, their 1st haircut, teaching them how 2 drive, studying with them till wee hours of the morning hours, watching them play an array of sports, attending PTA meetings for their success/joining school boards for their success/watching them play in bands/watching them accept honor roll awards yr after yr after yr/experiencing their mishaps WITH them/listening to their 1st love stories/driving them 2 their 1st college and having to leave them there..OMG that was tough for me../watching them with PRIDE graduate from high school and college after college after college..progress!..50 is 50 for a reason. To begin anew & fresh and leave the bad memories behind. Finally! To take all the lessons we learned from our mis-steps and realize God 4gives all mistakes and actually doesn’t call them mistakes. I think he calls them…LIFE. I can’t speak for anyone else that is 50 but for me I’m living my dreams N loving my life. Every single minute of it…I wish I could bottle this feeling UP and give it to others. I can’t. But I can share of me with my words…and I hope my words have made someone else’s day a little bit better . Stay UPlifted N blessed ya’ll. N remember 2 count your blessings 2day N everyday. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

MGS exclamation mark (Photo credit: Wikipedia)