Ever heard the saying @From the mouths of babes?…Well, though not a baby anymore my eldest son, without knowing IT, said something 2 me about 4 years back that made me thirsty 2 find mine. My center! My core..We were chatting about something or other N he simply said, ” A person that is seeking to truly know Self; has to first find out what their center IS…” Took me another 4 years but I finally found mine & I found it by accident. Although, I kinda sorta take that back for I’ve learned in this lifetime there are NO such thing as accidents..Gathering my thoughts on this topic but I’m coming back very soon…Stay Tuned..Here i GO digging deeper into MYself and in the process driving closer 2 finding out the meaning of Life N its purpose N my God given purpose within IT.
**Quick backdrop : I began this blog(my 1st!) in an attempt 2 share of myself, of my lifes’ experiences with others..In the process though I’ve found that I’m actually also simultaneously journaling. WOW. I’ve not kept a journal since I was a very lil girl(yep, I’ve been writing a long, long time..) N yet on these pages with every single word I am marking where I was on this day..or any given day I write. I free flow. No practice. No trial run. Nothing written down..Just me at one with my thoughts and trying to type as faster, faster, FASTER as my thoughts pour from my mind . My personal touch, hopefully!, my style, who i B shining thru each every keystroke..non-rehearsed. For that is exactly how I’ve lived my life..no practice rehearsals..just doing IT. Mistakes N all..
So living IN a world that is known as a MANS world, yet, being the epitome of a WOMAN(I’m a very girly girl N yep! pink is my fave color) I’ve for SO long felt I had to mask/hide/change/cover/dull it down a part of ME that is so strong a part of me its been like trying to cut off a LIMB..all these years. Until one day about 4 years ago , bam!, I decided to no longer…Why should I kill a part of ME just to so called make IT big? Must I do that just to survive in a career in which men RULE? Is that the only way I’m going 2 reach the glass ceiling? Daily and continually NOT being who I truly AM? How jacked UP a feeeeeeeeling that is/WAS. First of all it is quite impossible to fit a square peg into a round hole..I tried! Can not do it..and it is very draining. Emotionally draining..N that is yet another reason I can’t totally give my co-sign to Steve Harvey’s “Think like a man, Act like a Lady” concept. Know why? I’ve LIVED that. Been there, done that..N I’ve got many T-shirts/emotionals scars/very hurt feeeeeeelings, etc etc, yada yada to prove having been there. The money was GREAT I can’t nor won’t lie about it, however, the COST to me personally wasn’t worth it. I’d rather B without a penny in my purse and not own a lick of material possessions(been there too…) than to NOT be true to who I am. Yep, I said it. I care less about material gain or fortune/fame..I just want to be freeeeee to B who I was created to B. There is such comfort in that. It just feeeeeels good ALL the time. It is that good 2 me N for me..and worth the sacrifices it took 2 get here. I like(love!) me now..whereas I didn’t like the me I was before. I’ve worked hard 2 get here. I give 100%! to ANYthing that I do and honestly? I worked double time to finding me..my center..my core being. If I said it was easy I’d be lying through my teeth..instantly brings tears 2 my eyes just reflecting! for this moment..on how hard it has been. But I am here. And in seeking my core being, my center, I found that it was something that has been DISCOURAGED alot of my life. Because it has been said that it can also been seen as a weakness..and yet! for those who truly know ME know I am strong. Took even me years N years N years 2 learn just how strong I was/AM.
My Core BEing/My Center revolves around=I AM emotional by nature. I AM sensitive by nature. I AM compassionate by nature. I AM kind by nature.
So everything that I am naturally wasn’t conducive for the environment I was placing myself IN. I have NO poker face! (even though I had loved ones trying to coach me on that..didn’t work!) And yep, I wear my HEART on my sleeve…which btw my own Daddy has told me since I was a very lil girl. Daddies see the core in US long before we do; or least has been my case. The freeeeeeeeeeedom I’ve felt since letting GO of the person I thought I was and embracing the person I already WAS on the inside (since birth) ..N yet had been trying to suffocate..has been beyond liberating for me. And it didn’t happen overnight either; it has happened in stages. Rome wasn’t built in a day nor does one re-learn who they are instantly..especially when they’ve been masquerading as someone else for YEARS. Anyone out there wearing a mask daily? You might not even KNOW you are..had I not done the work! it took 2 find my “center” I’d still B doing someone else also. But now thank GOD/my eldest son/& my lucky stars I am doing ME.
I’ve quite naturally started studying , Heart Vision: the hearts clarity of vision will lead you to a path towards contentment. I realized as I got closer to finding out what my center was that when I think I think WITH my heart + my mind. It happens very naturally for me. I can’t stop IT & I tried for years..Now? I’m learning to just go with the flow of it. All my life I’ve felt “vibes” from people; whether good or bad. I thought it was normal. I figured everyone could feel such vibes! N these vibes are amplified when I touch people. Even in handshakes…I know, it sounds crazy. But it is MY truth. It is also why I am a natural toucher/hugger/I even talk with my hands LOL. I say all of this 2 share, most personal thoughts, just in case anyone out there just might need/desire 2 find their “center” or “core” also. This was my process of getting there. Believe it or not as long as this is it was the condensed version!…I’m still working on brevity. Very much still a work in progress I am…Stay UPlifted N Blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)