**When a random traffic stop goes bad…**Who is right, Who is wrong?

What would you have done if you were the police? What would you have done if you were the passenger? Do you think the police were racist or following the letter of the law? How would you recommend your loved one(s) to act in a similar situation?

>VENT & dump or BLOG and Release?

Last night I faced a dilemma..I was feeling something totally new/didn’t know how to move through IT gracefully/wasn’t sure if I liked the way it felt..So I made a conscious decision. Want to know what it WAS? Stay tuned because might just be something U can use from time to time. Because guess what? IT worked wonders for me!  Here I go…So what” had” happened last night WAS>

So last night here I was feeling, and feeling! antsy, pent UP, and just couldn’t quite put my finger on why I was feeling that way. Here I was.. my first week of being in my new  place, and I was still excited from that(I love my place, just love it) and yet I wasn’t feeling quite …right. I’ve become so used to being on a constant natural HIGH; that I didn’t know how to get a grip on it. I thought about calling a friend to vent & dump HOW I was feeling on them. And yet…>

…how was I going to express that I didn’t know what the heck was disturbing my groove? And I didn’t feel quite right dumping on anyone that I care about anyway! Ever had a friend call you & just dump all their stuff on you; and you were in a good mood prior? Then all of a sudden what happens? Now you’re in a funky mood too! I often find myself taking on another’s problems ..as IF I can possibly help them solve their issue-at-hand. As IF I could possibly say a sugary soft word or phrase to make things better for them..And as my mind was going over this scenario; should I call someone to just vent & whine about..about ..about what??? And then my mind began to go down the long list of friends I could call, another decision!, who was I going to call to do this great honor? of dumping my don’t-know-whats-bugging-me-but-something-IS type of mood. Right smack in the middle of all this thinking & thinking & overthinking it hit me. I suddenly knew what was wrong. I was alone. Very much alone. Not feeling lonely; just feeling ALONE. I stopped mid-thought(another thought..) and let that realization flow down over my BEing. What do I do with this ..feeling? I decided to do a very grown UP thing..I decided to ride it out & roll with the feeling of being; ALONE>

Reflective thought phrases were running rampant in my mind..I am totally ALONE..It had been a long time since I’d not been around either my parents, my sons, my exhusband, my exboyfriend,my friends, my coworkers..ALONE. I’d been waiting for this moment for a minute now; should I not be doing cart wheels? And why am I sitting here fully clothed? OMG I can run around butt-naked if I please. Had I forgotten how to do even that? Where is my Black Book I can call someone up..wow, I don’t even have a Black Book anymore. WtH? All at once I wanted to do sooo many things all at once..I ran to the closet to get my hula-hoop; I swung that around for a minute to the beat of the music.(I always have music somewhere in my background…) Oh, enough of that I ran to grab my free weights; played around with them for about 20 mins. Alright now what? Maybe I’d walk to the gym; but its TOO dark outside. Hmmm unpacked a little bit, tossed a load of clothes in the wash, put dishes away, danced!…now what? Stopped  to see if the feeling of something-isn’t-perfect-in-my-world was gone. Nope, still there slightly…I was fighting off the urge to call and dump on a friend, still. Maybe I should write this out to ride this feeling out…BUT I didn’t feel like blogging . Wow, that was the first time that had happened in my brief blogging life. I felt like jumping on a trampoline, dancing!, swimming 10 laps, running a couple miles; ALL this pent UP energy. I need to release..>

I was glad I fought through the urge to call a friend or loved one with THIS…Even for someone like me, a people-loving social butterfly who LOVES to talk, there are times when words can’t be expressed …Sometimes one has to fill-in-the-blanks with quietness & stillness & yep, ALONEness. I’m far too loved to ever feel lonely; this I know and feel in my heart of hearts. And being loved is a wonderfully wonderful fabulous feeling. It IS irreplaceable and precious. Last night I learned how to ride through a feeling that didn’t quite feel good at first; and yet after I rode fought! through it I felt good just because I had! I hadn’t used the safety net of a loved one to drown out a natural normal feeling. What I feel I learned last night is that sometimes even a bad feeling ..can result in something good. Hows that y’all might ask? Because I think more than likely folks that can’t stand to be alone; rush into relationships just so they won’t be alone. But…who wants to be a part of someone’s life that doesn’t like themselves enough to spend time alone? If one doesn’t like/love themselves; how can one expect anyone else to? Yea, I had some deep thoughts last night & many days. I’m still, even at almost 50 yrs of age, learning myself and what it takes to keep me satisfied/content/HAPPY majority of the time. I’m learning that is a lifelong & most necessary process…That is one of the most beautiful things about this life. Well, thats all for now folks. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

+WOMANing UP+

                                                                      

Can ya’ll believe I got a special request! WOW ..I’m not one 2 try to disappoint so I figured I’d go for it..Plus might B  kind of fun to write out what my actual expectations are. For the people that requested this I believe(I didn’t even ask..) probably by this time are curious (because I talk sooo much smack about this topic!) @ what type of brother I’d call a “potential” (mentioned that briefly in a prior post) N for the record I doubt highly if I’ll have this much freee time when I’m no longer single.Although who knows because I “make” time (at Odark thirty times like now..) in my very, busy schedule to do what I love 2 do..Write. Only place I don’t yet write is church. (and I’ll probably figure out a way soon to do that 2) So stay tuned folks(and btw its AWESOME to get the feeedback from ya’ll online and my offline family/friends/coworkers that my blog is enjoyable to read . even my ex reads this..blew my hair back! that is my way of saying I am humbled…) later after church I’m going to list (yep I’ve kept mental notes..) what I desire in a lifemate. The must haves. The wont do withouts. The wont settle for lesses. The DEALbreakers..The things I’m willing 2 work with..My entire list. Buckle UP this is going to be good..I can hardly wait 2 see this list myself. 🙂

I’m finally back! Wasn’t sure I was going to make it back 2night but here we go…First things First..Disclaimer: IF this post appears to be all about ME..it is because it IS. At this point of my life, for the 1st! time in my life, I’ve had the unique opportunity for the past 15 months to just do ME. Sons raised N in college(in other states than where I reside), single, divorced-yet-very-good-friends-with-exhusband who also resides cross country, happily/gainfully employed by a government entity, HAPPY! , busy, busy, busy, and very content to do me while I wait on the ONE to discover me. Once he finds me  then my ” just doing me” time will end. Far from desperate and trying to use every moment of precious time to live life to the fullest. There is life sans a man…N its so very good to me. YET its my belief that the missing link that will amp things UP and make life even sweeter is when my I becomes a We. Now that this is out of the way lets move on 🙂

As stated in a prior post I believe there are 3 categories guys fall into. Ever heard that old adage@many fish in the sea? It is so very true yet in my hearts of  hearts I believe there IS truly only ONE out there that God created just to love me N only me..I believe he’s looking for me! And I’m standing over here, at 5’4, waving my hand in the air so he can see me in the crowd. Here I stand and am I ever SO ready for you to walk into my life…yet staying busy in the interim and BEing patient. Or if truth be told I’m trying very hard to B..So anywayz as I was saying guys fall into 3 categories when meeting new folks. 1. Potential. defined simply as a potential lifemate..2. Just friends..right out the gate I can sense this..3. Toss them back into the pond & quickly! dont have an interest to even be friends because their qualities are severely lacking anything remotely near respectful..Now that ya’ll know the background on what I was referencing lets move on to my list. Ready? Get set. Lets go!

the Must haves=

• must B a practicing Christian! My #1 N I won’t settle 4 less
• must B a responsible  parent physically, emotionally N mentally(if a parent)
• MUST have good communication skills! my #2 because I’m not a mind reader nor will I pretend 2 B.
• is DONE fishing. simply said I’ve got NO love/patience 4 a player. exclamation point period.
• emotionally available N if this needs 2 B explained then you aren’t..so therefore don’t qualify
• kind . yep, this honestly matters 2 me
• their “word” is like a handshake(N solid)  used 2 B backintheday..this truly matters 2 me also
• HONEST..this is my #3 and goes hand in hand with their “word” being solid
• Confident! I truly dig Alpha brothers so this comes naturally…
• LOYAL..this is a close runner up to  my #2..another exclamation point period.
• RESPECTS  his parents..this is a MUST..the adage@ if he respects his mother he’ll respect his woman  is true

• TRUSTworthy ..this ranks somewhere between my #1 N #2

• is cognizant of my feelings N mindful that I’m a naturally sensitive person
• *HEALTH conscience* Life longevity is important 2 me. And feeeeeeling good from the inside out. While I don’t require someone that is a body builder I do desire someone who cares about their appearance including their health N what shape they’re in physically. Maintaining oneself physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally  is something I feel is important

the things I am willing 2 work with=

• I pray he has an appreciation 4 music N can dance! however I’m willing 2 work with it if he doesn’t
• practices chilvary..while I do love this it is something I can take or leave..long as he is goooood 2 me
• can appreciate a woman who can amuse herself from time2time(my writing!) and he can have “whatever”time(whatever HE chooses 2 do also)
  
• attentive N fully engaged when interacting…this matters 2 me and shouldve been in the must-haves!

the DEALbreakers=

• can’t handle monogamy..I can’t/won’t deal with cheating. highest form of disrespect to me N our “we”
• asks 2 borrow  money the 1st 90 days of dating..OMG this is so much a dealbreaker!
• LIES to me or is deceitful. this is a runner UP of my #1. I’m an open book and my man will B also
• tries 2 change ME and won’t accept ME/love ME/cherish ME as I am. another close runner UP of my #1
• has substance abuse issues=Illegal drugs isn’t my style. N though I gave UP social drinking quite some time ago (years ago now..) N I’ve no problem with folks drinking socially; matter of fact I don’t know many folks who don’t drink socially (tho I ride on a natural high N have just as much FUN now as when I was a social drinker..)BUT there is a major difference between a social drinker and abusing alcohol. N if I have 2 explain the difference than you probably don’t qualify..
• MARRIED..this is my #1 in the dealbreaker category. Within the 1st few mins of meeting a woman 1st time a brother SHOULD rightfully make sure it IS clear if he’s married…Nowadayz I guess the IN thing is to not wear a wedding ring.Pfft! I won’t get deep on this topic(thats another topic for another time…) Just please do NOT attempt to “hit” on me while married; for I won’t be held responsible for what will come from my lips..N nope! with that kind of beginning we can NOT be friends either..