Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, *DP CHALLENGE>Post A Day*, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

WANTED: Black Men who LOVE Black Women. *DP PostaDay 2013 Challenge*

Another one of those tough topics we hate 2 discuss; yet know it exists. Might as well bring it to the forefront during Black History Month. I needed a title to GRAB your attention; now that I’ve got it the real subject of this piece is about=Black women who hate on interracial relationships…well least the ones that involve Black brothers dating White women. Ya’ll ready for this?!? I won’t sugar coat this subject because it leads to a topic that is far too important to ignore or to dilute. That IS if we care about the future generations. Or least this is the way I see it..

First a few statistics that might help bring things into focus..According to ,thesentencingproject, more than 60% of people in American prisons are racial & ethnic minorities. 60% ! And having worked in a state prison in Cali I can tell you first hand ; MOST of them are very young Black males.(seeing this day to day was heart wrenching to say the least)  1 in 10 of Black males in their 30s; is in jail or prison on any given day currently in America. 2/3 of ALL persons in prison for drug offenses are people of color..Now let that sink in for a minute. I personally think we’ve got FAR bigger fish to fry; than worrying about White women snagging Black men..However, given this background info one could see how problematic snagging a good  Black man could be nowadays. But now onto the topic at hand…

Before I go any further I want to make my position clear..I’ve no issue at all with my Caucasian sisters who dig/date/marry my Black brothers.  I can totally understand why; 100%! Major props to them for having excellent taste; and I feel exactly the same way…

My two biggest issues with this topic are..#1 My brothers who feel they MUST drag us down to the gutter; just because they prefer dating other than Black women. Personally? I care LESS who people date. Honestly…you could date flying purple elephants for all I care. BUT why  “try” to tear us down on the way out the door??? As IF those who do(not all do…) don’t also have Black mothers/daughters!/and relatives. When you diss ALL of anything; you’re also dissing your own..Very UNcool and gets NO respect from me. In a silent manner of course..

Let me add here I don’t know ANY women like the ones portrayed in the pics I’ve posted…but I know they exist. And when some of us look bad; its a bad LOOK for all of us. We stand together or fall apart..Why place blame on others instead of first getting own self together? Because even the most educated & so called “together” person can have issues. I don’t know a person ALIVE who doesn’t have some type of issue or baggage..and the first one to say they don’t has the MOST issues. I don’t care who it is. Even saying you don’t have an issue; is an issue. So count that as #1 issue on the list. My point is when you can look in the mirror and love “self”; you don’t blame or hate on anyone else when things don’t go your way. You just keeeeeep it moving until things fall into place. Why take it personally? Some Black men  just prefer dating a variety of women….OR could be some might have gotten tired of not being treated like the KINGS they are. I’m sure there are as many reasons as there are people on the planet. But being ugly about it isn’t the answer; least not in my opinion. What that does is add to the already much hyped image of an “angry Black woman” stereotype…and some of us are so far removed from that image that I find it highly, highly! offensive. Bottom line is  if Black women truly dig our Black brothers; that means respecting/supporting them 100%. Even when it means they decide to choose someone other than a Black woman as his..Queen. We all have options these days…

For me though I’m waiting on my chocolate KING to come sweep me off my feet..we all have preferences/choices and must  learn to respect others for theirs. Just remember one important thing ; when my “the one” does find me  this year? He is OFF limits to all of ya’ll! Private stock and I don’t believe in sharing…Stay UPlifted, 4ever sincere Berna (the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, ***DPCHALLENGE, @Cultural, Post a Day 2013, ~~FREE Flow of UNscripted Thoughts~~

COLORstruck

~Whether or not its a discussion as OLD as the hills; it is still sadly enough relevant in 2013. I’m willing to bet there isn’t a Black person in America who hasn’t been affected by the color  issue . In some form or another..and the type I’m  talking about  is Black on Black. As funky as it IS and as mind blowing it is…Colorism is alive and well amongst us. Even for those folks who “think” they aren’t colorstruck. As simple as it might seem to “others” to NIP it; it is very complex indeed. Disclaimer: As always these are merely one person’s observations/experiences/opinion. Mine. Ready? Get set! Here I go head first , again….

I recall watching my teenage heart throb(is that phrase even used nowadays? oh well, I’m old skool till the day I die…) beholder of the handsome face plastered allllll over my bedroom walls on posters; slowly MORPH into something horrific. The once beautiful brown skin with the just PERFECT wide nose and the full , luscious lips just poof! …gone. I couldn’t for the life of me understand WHY someone with so much talent could HATE their brown skin /Black features enough to do that to themselves. What happened to MY Michael??? Object of sooo many of my naive teenage dreams? Author of the OFF THE WALL album which was the BEST album of the century? How could he possibly have NOT liked himself when I and millions of others loved him so??? I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. How could anyone NOT love being BLACK?…..

So that was about the time I decided to dig a little deeper…Taking mental notes of my own personal experiences as well as reading, reading , reading about others experiences. And of course quietly observing…

Before I delve deeper let me preface by saying..I LOVE BEING BLACK. Exclamation mark. Period..and I make no apology for it. Anyone who is anyone should be proud to be who they are and what they are..and if you don’t like who you are work to change IT. However, one’s skin color should be something to be proud of for it is given to us by GOD for a reason. Or least that is how I feel about it. IF he wanted us to be any other color certainly we’d have been born that way…OR better yet IF he wanted us to all look alike he’d have done that too! But it is my inherent belief he made us different colors for a reason…but that is another topic for another time.

So one might ask if being Black is so awesome; why does colorism exist? Why are we still stuck on being COLORstruck? Haven’t we evolved enough past slavery to get past THIS ?!? And we all know it stems from slavery; doesn’t it? Hmmmm Yep, my questions bring more questions that even I can only guess the answer to; or assume. Which I hate to do! So I began listening to others experiences…the pain!(like Michael Jackson’s ..) my people have gone through due simply to the color of their skin. IF a person keeps hearing or seeing over and over and over and over again negative connotations associated with “anything”(including their skin color) what will eventually happen? And what will that person then pass on to their children???

One way to change something is to start with changing our OWN behavior…Or whatever is possible to change within our power. I recall when my sons were much smaller…People would remark about their skin color being light or lighter or whatever. And the good hair comments OMG..WE have got to let go of that also. But that is another topic for another time…My response was always the same. Do NOT bring that mess around me or my sons! I won’t allow them to even think! they’re any less Black than anyone else due to their skin tone or hair. NOR will I let anyone else plant the seeds of those thoughts into their heads..What you do or say around your children is your business; but what you say around mine is MY business. And I was serious. Also, I ‘ve had people walk straight UP to me and ask “What are you. Are you mixed?” Wth? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? I’m just good ole fashioned BLACK. Period. That has honestly been my response when anyone is ignorant enough to ask that question…I’d never ask anyone that, jeeeeez. Black IS Black folks. I don’t care if you’re one ounce Black…still BLACK. Sometimes I wish we’d gotten stuck in a time warp in the days of ‘Black is Beautiful!”..wasn’t that the 70s?

I  once had a brother tell me, to my face!, that I wasn’t dark enough for him to date…WOW. Blew my hair back because I’d never been told that before. Least not to my face. Appreciated his honesty, but dang!, still hurt my feelings. What the heck can I do about my skin color? Not a dang thing; nor do I plan on “doing” anything about it ..except loving IT. By the way we “did” end up dating and he’s an outstanding brother(& one of my best friends in the world)  that has no regrets…

We come in many shades that run the gamut …There are expectations/judgments/so called advantages/and slights that boost one shade of brown over another..It needs to NOT only be discussed but STOPPED. Generation after generation is carrying it forward. I recall when my youngest son started dating his high school sweetheart..first thing my ex husband said was”Whew! I’m glad to see he isn’t colorstruck!” Because she was dark-skinned..and my comment was”Why would he be? We raised him to not be; didn’t we?!? ” But then we talked about it and we really had  NOT ever discussed  it with our sons per se…all we did do though was not to label people by color. I’m not really sure what the answer is to stop colorism from continuing  to re-cycle..I think one sure way to start though is by addressing it. We know it exists. And society knows it exists; google UP what Loreal did to Beyonce’s skin in an ad if you don’t believe me. We also know that it causes DIVISION, schism and contention among us as Blacks. We can either continue to just discuss it every Black History Month or whenever; and then forget about it. OR we can discuss it and act on changing our own behavior. One person at a time might start a movement to nip it..I think that just might be how major movements/CHANGE begins. Until I read/write ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Posted in <<COMING SOON, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, ^Political

>>>>a DREAM inferred….>>>>

Election Day in Massachusetts, 2012 [311/366]
Election Day in Massachusetts, 2012 [311/366] (Photo credit: timsackton)
Alright as promised to MYself & to ya’ll I’ve been working on my 2nd tribute to ‘President Barack Obama’..ooooooo that feeeeels SO good to B able to say that for a n o t h e r FOUR years! Was able to complete my 1st tribute right before Election Day N my goal to complete Part 2 is President Obama’s 2nd! Inauguration date approx. a month from now. Yep time is flying N waits for none of us ..For those who are just joining in reading the 1st tribute I penned to President Obama is listed on the right hand side of my page..Let your fingers do the walking (& clicking) and check it out. Its one of 2 pieces I’ve written that I’m elated with the finished product..and so very important to me. Hoping I can B fully amped UP by tomorrow to complete the draft of  ‘a DREAM inferred’. So stay tuned folks because I’m just getting started N I’ve got a feeeeeeling it will B well worth the wait. Til we link up again stay UPlifted N Blessed.  4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 N only)

>Update: I’m still working on this…2day is Dec. 15th and I anticipate completing this prior to President Obama’s Inauguration date so stay tuned <

Posted in @Cultural, Motivational!, Positive Movement Topic, Things That Make U Say Hmmmm@, ^^Thought Provoking^^, ~To B Continued

MELT DOWN @Black Nuclear Family?

We all know its happened. A slew of root causes can be listed. Bottom line is its beyond time to actively work to repair it..Is it too late to repair? Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Why  is it or should it be an important topic? Have I or you had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and Black Male/Female Relationships? These questions N more on my mind regarding this topic..

*First let me open this up by answering my own questions. 1.Is it too late to repair? Nope, sure isn’t too late. In this lifetime we’re afforded 2nd chances, and sometimes 3rd ones to get ‘ish right! And though time may seem to be moving faster N running out..its never, ever to late to work on anything. Period. 2. Anyone out there brave enough to discuss it? Yep, my hand is UP and I’m ready to discuss it..3. Why is it or should it be an important topic? It IS an important topic. And it is because the future of Blacks in America is at stake. And its serious..As a mother of 3 Black Beautiful Brothers it matters almost more than life itself to me. For their futures and the futures of ALL the Black youth in  America its time to work towards solutions. As well as offer those solutions to OUR youth to arm them for their futures. We owe them that…4. Have I had a part in the breakdown of the Black Nuclear Family and/or Black love relationship? Ugh. this is the toughest of all questions. Which is why I left it for last…In all honesty I guess I have played a part in the breakdown..Not something I’m proud about. I failed at marriage..child of parents now married for 50 years..and yet I’ve not yet been able to maintain one. However, to my credit I did/have/and will always maintain an excellent co-parenting partnership with my exhusband and to our credit we’re also very good friends. Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how dearly we want them to..I think in spite of our divorce learning to focus on co-parenting instead of  our divorce “issues” led us to a really good place as friends. Lifetime friends. And because of working through the “ish I can’t say that I’ve added to the breakdown of  Black love relationships. I still and always will believe in Black Love..there is no other love for me that will suffice. Exclamation point. Period. ~To B Continued..