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15 Acts Of Chivalry For The 21st Century


RE-blogged by Berna because JMS you’re so right@ common courtesy and respect will always be in style ! I took to heart teaching/showing ( as did my co- parenting partner ) our sons how to treat women with respect .. These are things that should rightfully be taught at home … I can fully testify that chivalry is NOT dead .. And always , always it’s appreciated and returned tenfold ! Once again JMS outstanding write ….

James Michael Sama

Times change, and along with them – social norms change. Technology changes. Acceptable behavior changes (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse), and basically, well, everything changes.

For this reason, we cannot always simple ‘bring back’ certain concepts that were once widely accepted or appreciated, and for good reason. But what we can do is glance back at the past and pull the frosting off the top, so to speak. Particularly when it comes to dating and relationships, there have been noticeable changes in the way we approach and treat each other.

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The origins of chivalry may be ancient, and not all considered appropriate for modern society. But, we can take the parts we want that we feel will make the dating process better, and leave the rest to lay where it is. Here are a few practices that I feel are the ‘frosting off the top’ of the way things…

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2 thoughts on “15 Acts Of Chivalry For The 21st Century

  1. Nice post….But I found this interesting article online, and I’d like you and your female readers to respond:

    What’s the Woman’s Equivalent to Chivalry….I’d Like Some of That!!!

    According to everybody since about 1884, chivalry has been dead since about 1884.

    More recently, though, there’s been a lot of talk about the “end of courtship” and how texting is “turning us into ill-mannered flakes.” Maybe what we’re really eulogizing today is common courtesy.

    A recent second date: After I buy the girl a few drinks, she invites me to join her and her friends at a nearby bar. We arrive and discover guys are required to pay a $20 cover (girls enter free). When it turns out the bar is actually a mega-club, I shrug it off. She does not, and responds by generally ignoring everyone while I—because I’m never introduced to any of her friends (who she’s not talking to)—kind of dance awkwardly by myself, as not to be a wet blanket. When I eventually decide to leave, she kisses me as if I hadn’t done anything wrong—and as if she hadn’t either. Hmmm.

    It’s not like I expected her to babysit me or even pretend to enjoy herself, but the combination of the cover, the standoffishness, the lack of a thank-you, and the failure to acknowledge any of this made me—a chronic benefit-of-the-doubt giver—pretty frustrated. I’ll admit I’m a little neurotic and old school, which may just be a euphemism for “out of touch,” but I don’t think anything—especially the rise and social acceptance of texting and what the Times calls “micro-coordination” gives us permission to disrespect each other from behind a screen or away from one.

    “Chivalry,” whether dead or alive, has connotations of being stilted, outdated, and even sexist, and our expectations for gender roles and the way we interact in romantic relationships is subject to change from one generation to the next. Regardless, courtesy should be timeless, universal, and blind to gender. We should always give it and always expect to receive it. At a time where this kind of treatment is at a premium, I find a girl who exhibits it sexier than ever. I’d even add refilling the ice tray to my list of ultimate turn-ons.

    kate-middleton-wave

    I bet Duchess Catherine always remembers to refill the ice tray.

    It’s just the little things: not responding to texts or calls during the date, offering—or even disingenuously feigning to offer—to pay for something at some point, saying thank you, wiping your feet, and generally showing some awareness and concern for others’ convenience and preferences. I don’t mind if you’re running a half-hour late; just let me know whenever you can and offer an apology when you arrive. No big deal.
    Let me clarify that it’s not about doing these things to impress me. It’s about showing respect to everyone because you’re a good person and know everyone deserves it. Of course, a standard barometer for whether someone is a decent human being is how he or she treats a waiter. But beyond minimum politeness, it’s about how a girl says “please” and “thank you” to the wait staff or “excuse me” to people on the street: not just gestural but genuine.

    Here’s the scene on another recent date: We enter the bar and find two unoccupied stools. One is empty, and the other has someone’s coat draped on top of it. My date coolly and politely taps a nearby woman: “Excuse me, is this your coat? Would you mind if we use this stool?” The woman obliges, and my date smiles and thanks her. We sit down for a lovely evening.

    If this feels pedestrian, you’re probably a person whose courtesy is second nature. Or you’re missing the point. It’s less about the gesture itself and more about what it indicates about her character. She proved dually assertive and polite, traits that are so often nonexistent or mutually exclusive, traits I’d want to see my future wife exhibit at my future child’s parent-teacher conference.

    I have high standards for how girls treat me and, importantly, treat others. Courtesy and politeness show, beyond kindness and respect, a self-awareness that indicates the ability to communicate and to compromise. I require that in the girls I date, with the hope and expectation they require it from me. That’s the kind of girl I’d invite over for a drink—and maybe even the chance to see my ice tray.

    Am I justified in feeling frustrated by that date? Do you think we’re less courteous today than in previous generations? What kind of treatment do you give and expect to receive from people you date?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. @…”Am I justified in feeling frustrated by that date? Do you think we’re less courteous today than in previous generations? What kind of treatment do you give and expect to receive from people you date?..”

      >>Waving Black Orpheus! I’m always pleased to see you’ve visited my spot..Always leaving something for us to think about; sink our teeth into..Thank you! 🙂 I think your piece reveals a side of men women need to hear/see more often..Often times we only think of chilvalry only referring to how men treat women, right? But I don’t know anyone who doesn’t wish to be treated as adored & appreciated..

      Now to tackle the questions one by one..#1..Highly justified in being frustrated or even P’ed off with that date..She was rude & acted as if her date really didn’t exist..Wow! I’d say that was a fictional story IF I’d not had male friends share how they felt like women were using them as a meal ticket, etc..Wth??? I could go on about that but I’ll stop by saying @a sense of entitlement is a major turn OFF..Man or woman in my opinion.#2. Yes, I sure do think as a whole folks are less courteous today than previous generations..#3. I treat people that I spend time with(whether it is a date/family/friends..) the way I want to be treated. Almost verbatim..Very well & with sincere courteous manners..I’m respectful of their time; and give my undivided attention..That inofitself is very much in demand(or least that is what I’m experiencing)

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