Posted in =Self Discovery=, LOVE

**Reasons You’re a Good Catch & Still Single..**

This topic was actually prompted by a conversation with a male friend..A deep chat of sorts that reminded me how people view being single from the outside..As IF all folks that are single are lonely..I know I speak of things from a personal perspective. I’m working on that! But in the interim here is my list of reasons I think I’m still single. Actually I’m single but dating/seeing (is that even the politically correct term these days???) someone.. It took a great deal of honesty/soul-searching/reflection to size myself UP.. A great deal!

**Flashback to the aforementioned conversation** As I recall the list of qualities/characteristics my friend brought to my attention that, he feels, makes me a good catch..I’ve come to the realization a lot of those same items are also the reason I’m still single! Ironic as it seems(catch 22 mayhaps?) I believe that to be true..What I also realized as he spoke was that he’s digging me as more than just a friend..OMG when & how did that happen???? But I digress..And? If anyone else out there also desires something (whether it is a career/significant other/change in location/further education, etc etc) a reality check is a good way to purge the soul! Least it works wonders for me..On with my list>>

Reason #1 . Never learned how to play second fiddle. Yes, I bought the whole kit & caboodle I was taught as a young girl by my Daddy. That I deserve a man’s full attention. Don’t get me wrong; I can hold my OWN in a crowd. Being the social butterfly that I really am..But in a love relationship that analogy doesn’t work for me. I’ll wait for a minute to be plucked out of a crowd with my hand, figuratively, held in the air waving@ Here I am! Yet, being number 2 isn’t something I do well. I fall back if I discern that is the case. A most speedy retreat. Might even leave skid marks as I quietly depart..Confidence can be attractive but also has its disadvantages..I honestly believe I AM & should be treated as the 1 & Only

Reason #2 . I’m only attracted to my Black brothas as romantic partners..It is part of my DNA and comes as natural to me as breathing. This has caused the dating pool to be a lot smaller. Why? Because at my age a great deal of good brothas my age are married or linked up already. Heck, I never thought I’d be single divorced at 51! Just wasn’t part of the master plan I’d set out with many moons ago. Y’all know what they say about the best laid out plans though right? Yep, ish and life happens! Bottom line , without a doubt, IF I’d open myself up to date interacially I’d have been linked up long ago. If the rejected proposals are any indication..Real talk for real! Black is SO beautiful & my brothas rein in all ways>>

Reason #3 . I waited too long to get back into the dating scene..I’m so out of practice! Figured I was doing the right thing to take a breather after my Cali love & to get myself adjusted to my new location(and life as an empty nester) Isn’t regrouping a smart thing to do?? Wait, don’t answer that it is a rhetorical question..But like I recently heard Katt Williams say@ “I was single too long..Everyone is either too young or too OLD..Issues or not(don’t we all have issues of some sort at this age?) I’ve got to admit Katt has a point. Contrary to the thought process of a lot of single folks(about why they are single..) ; I don’t believe the rules of dating have changed that much. Men still crave the company of women & women still crave the company of men..Well the straight ones DO. While a great deal of brothas have expressed admiration for my self-discipline ; still has become quite clear to me I’m out of practice. I’ve grown to used to just being and doing ME . Becoming part of a duo again will take time & effort & patience…I need to tape that to my mirror so I can re-remember it daily>>

Reason #4. Began buying the hype about the to do’s and not to do’s of dating..There IS a never-ending list of lists of what to do/how to do it/WHEN to do it..And as my new guy friend pointed out? Some of those sources(ex. Steve Harvey) haven’t been IN good relationships long enough to even be reliable self-appointed love gurus! Least I didn’t buy his B.S; I mean his book..Come back and give me tips after you’ve been in a GOOD love relationship for 50 years Steve. Until then thanks be to God I’ve got parents who fit those shoes. Never in my life have I looked UP so many tips/clues/hints/suggestions on how to be in a relationship before. Jeeeez , no more..Back in the day we just let it flow. Used to trust what I felt in my spirit/soul. I’m standing firm & refuse to buy into the hype any longer>>

Reason #5. Still yearn for a guy that gets me! I can’t play ‘the game’..I don’t know how to be coy/play hard to get/LIE. I want to have conversations where not a word need be said. Believe it or not(loll yes I know I talk a lot..working on that too!) Just want someone who understands & appreciates me for me. And likewise..Girlish as it sounds I want to fall in love with my best friend. For life. I think guys have gotten so used to being duped & played; it is difficult to trust in a woman’s word. Realizing fully that sometimes I’m hard to follow! I’ve alot of pent UP energy & alot to share..Patience is a virtue and often the best things in life are worth working to learn/earn. >>

Reason #6. I have standards and principles. I believe in loyalty and committment.. I’m a one man-woman. And tough as it is for some guys to adhere to(due to natural biological cravings…yep, I read up on it to gain understanding) I believe in a monogamous relationship. I don’t know how to ‘hang out’ with a guy I’m digging. To me it IS a date. I can hang out with my girlfriends..>>

Reason # 7..I’m a giver by nature. Whether it is a friend or a lover I’ll give the shirt off my back to a person in need. Without hesitation…Problem with that is kindness can be viewed as weakness..I can’t shut off a piece of who I am just to avoid possibly being hurt. One can’t discover love holding back.>>

Exhaling! I think that is it..Enough said. Anyone out there sat & reflected on possible reasons you’re still single? Granted it is easier to just profess there is a shortage of good guys/women left..That could be part of the reason & I honestly don’t take away from that logic. The terms good & good catch are subjective..In the spirit of teach one, reach one(my only reason for blogging isn’t just to vent..) I’d love to get additional comments. Chime in! Until I read/write y’all stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere the 1 & Only, Berna

7 thoughts on “**Reasons You’re a Good Catch & Still Single..**

  1. I think one of my main problems is that I have a lot of self-confidence in a whole bunch of areas, but not in the looks department. I can sometimes look at myself in a mirror and think I am at least cute, but the problem is that it’s just SOMETIMES. I don’t really understand why someone would find me attractive. When I hear others talking about it it almost seems like a theoretical concept. I think I need to “weasel a guy in” by my personality (which is awesome), humour etc., and then hope he doesn’t “see” my looks until he’s already fallen for me.

    Because I don’t really see anyone finding me particularly attractive, although I have experienced that some guys think this. I don’t really get that much attention from men, I think I also appear completely disinterested though (probably a survival technique, protecting myself from the hurt of rejection because no one could possibly find me attractive) in clubs etc., I prefer pubs when you can talk to people but for some reason my friends insist on going to clubs. If someone does wink at me or something it’s like I freak out and panic and get all “oh no, I can’t smile at him because he will think I will want to come home with him tonight and then he will be a hassle for the rest of the evening” (even pretty normal guys can take on stalker-ish behaviour if they think they have a chance of scoring, lol). I really don’t know what to do with this or how to find the right guy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The right guy will find you..Never be afraid to smile..A smile is the most beautiful thing a person can wear! Or least that is what attracts me to a guy..IF he doesn’t know how to smile/laugh; then we can’t laugh together..And how dull life would be without laughter..But as for the weasel a guy with ones’ personality..I think it is a person’s personality & warm spirit, that draws a person to them…Beauty comes from within, right? I’m with you that I prefer talking to a person to get to know them..After, we know one another then we can dance & dance..Btw welcome to my blog!


  2. Love this, it really speaks to me as a 59 year old divorcee, especially the “go with the flow” part. If there is someone out there who gets me, Great! If not, I am content to be on my own because I am totally happy with me right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Waving welcome Sunflower!! I’m always elated to hear anything I’ve shared can speak to someone in a positive way…And you’ve used one of my fave phrases@gets me..I’ve tried to think back to way back when & I don’t think I felt as strongly about that then; as I do now at 51. I think you’ve nailed it perfectly and that is has alot to do with being happy with self..Thank you so much for adding your 2 cents & the co-sign. Virtual high five!


  3. So this is eerie. They say great minds think alike. I drop by to pay your site some love and I see this beautiful post. I’ve actually been sitting on a piece I wrote that tackles this exact subject (even the title is eerily similar) but I have been apprehensive about publishing it for a few reasons.

    Hmnn…Maybe I will publish it after all and provide a direct link to yours since you actually address some points I mention in my post. This is really crazy. Let me find out we live in each other’s head Berna.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh it is always a pleasure to see you’ve visited my little spot! 🙂 O.M. is one of my top fave blog spots on the net to pop into..Felt comfy from my very first visit

      I don’t find it eerie or crazy at all , that you’ve written on this subject..Find it rather comforting to know actually..Dig hearing insight from a brotha’s perspective. Always have and always will..And if we find out we live in each other’s heads? Sharing the same thoughts on subjects as a man & woman? That my brotha would be a slice of heaven! Isn’t that what we all yearn for? Can’t speak for any other woman/Sista; but I really DO.

      Thank you for stopping by…I’ll be by that way very soon


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