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Something happened very recently, and I heard of it today, which brought this topic to mind..And I can’t let go of it..So figured I might as well write it out here. I thought about adding a disclaimer first so as not to offend anyone..But decided against it. These are my raw feelings on the matter of Faith..Based on my beliefs and experiences. Before I dig in let me give a brief, brief personal background ..Yes, I am a Christian. I’m a very active & involved practicing Catholic. Exclamation point. Period. Moving right along>>

Recently death has knocked on the door of my life. In my immediate family. In my loved ones immediate family. In my friends/coworkers families. In my church sisters/brothers families..I’ve been known to say I don’t deal well with death. Not to say anyone does; but I really don’t. I never know quite what to say; although my immediate reflex is to nurture & comfort. I’m old enough to know death is a natural part of LIFE..And as a Christian I’m supposed to trust 100% that it is God’s will being done & he’s calling his children home. Right? Sounds good. Looks good in print..But why then am I so heart-sick when a loved one dies? Why do I get heart-sick, especially when hearing someone has lost a parent? Why is the first thing that comes to mind when that happens..’God please don’t let my parents DIE anytime soon. I’m not ready! There is so much I’ve yet I want to spend time doing WITH my parents. IF either of my parents were to die soon I will NOT be able to handle it‘..>>

I profess to love God with all of my heart & being. And I do! My faith in God has grown from a mustard seed ; to a mighty big forest! And yet..this one area@ Death? I admit I’m very shaky..Very. Is it worse to lose someone unexpected to death? Or does it hurt just as bad either way? I’ve heard varying stories on both sides of that coin. I’ve tried my best to talk about this topic to get a deeper understanding..But still the thoughts that prevail in my mind when it becomes personal? ‘God please don’t let my parents or my sons DIE anytime soon!’ Each time the subject comes up , I’ve added more onto the list..>>

I’ve experienced spiritual awakenings that were as REAL to me as real can get..I am a Believer..I’ve trusted in God to take the reins of my life this past couple years..With remarkable results. I am a Believer! And yet? I admittedly struggle with this subject matter @ Death. My questions have questions. I’m feeling guilty because I’ve so many questions. Why do we grieve for our loved ones IF we’re truly Believers? Does that mean one isn’t a Believer 100% if they grieve? Shouldn’t WE rejoice that our loved one has gone onto be with Our Creator? >>

Again for the record I’ll say it one more time..I Believe. I Believe in God. God hears my prayers; and I pray ALOT. I Believe in miracles; I have lived a couple myself. I’ve held a miracle baby(our youngest) in my own hands(3 lbs at birth) I Believe in love & sharing love & spreading LOVE..But I still struggle with the concept of Death..I don’t properly know how to comfort someone who has suddenly lost someone..NO words seem to be enough nor the perfect words to say. I best handle death by not attending funerals..(except for close family or extended family) I realize this isn’t a healthy way to deal with it though..Yet it is how I cope with it. The topic of death has risen in my life once again. Today. Thoughts are swirling around in my head about it; and I pray. ‘God please do not let my parents DIE anytime soon nor my sons nor my X’s nor my X in laws nor my extended family of friends NOR anyone in my life. I’m just not ready to part with ANY of them. ‘ This is probably a selfish way of thinking..For it isn’t my right to deny anyone the chance to move on to greener pastures..And since that IS the case why do we grieve? Which leads me to my last question. Is grieving a sign of being a Believer or not? I Believe therefore I should not grieve? It is no small wonder explaining death to a small child is difficult..I’m a grown woman of 50 & admit I don’t handle it well. Mayhaps no one does. Perhaps death is meant to always be one of the mysteries of this Life Journey..Just maybe it is something we’ll only truly understand when it happens to us. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)