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As I sit perched on the verge of jumping back into the dating scene, after a couple of years voluntary hiatus, I can’t decide which emotion will take front seat. Fear Or excitement? Both emotions are wrestling to over-ride the other..I’m fighting to keep my emotions at bay; especially my fears. Brings to mind a trick I taught my youngest son when he’s struggling with fears, stress or angst..I’ve taught him to picture in his mind the worst-case scenario. Picture it vividly. And then? Imagine how or IF you can deal with it…>>

When I picture the worst-case scenario regarding jumping back into dating( at 50!) or NOT? For me that would be to wind UP never marrying again and riding solo for the rest of my Life Journey..A close girl friend of mine & I discussed the fears of dating again/linking up with a perfect stranger for first date/giving a guy our phone number for the first time..These are scary times we live in these days! But in my heart of hearts what I fear even more so? Not falling IN love one more time…Real talk for real!>>

Fear of wasting my time dating a loser/Fear of discovering an otherwise sane date or potential is a complete psycho/Fear of getting involved with someone only to later discover he’s married! /Fear of giving my heart to someone who is NOT worthy/Fear of my love not being appreciated…I mean the list of fears goes on & on & on & ON..Until I realize IF I continue to think of ALL the things I fear I’ll never take the first step and dip my toe back in the water>>

Truth BE told? I don’t ever recall a time when dating caused me any angst..Just enjoyed it & went with the flow..Mayhaps one of the only disadvantages of turning 50? THINKING THINGS OUT BEFOREHAND..Ugh & dang!>>

In my heart of hearts I’m hoping & praying that my fears will be quickly put to rest once the ice is broken on my dating adventure..Truly I wish for nothing more than to be able to say @ Whew! All that worry & fear was for nothing..Taking the first step is always the most difficult in anything. I used to just leap into things caught UP in spontaneous passion & excitement! Yet now all grown up I find myself pausing before opening the door to possible romantic bliss..Doing so is very foreign & unfamiliar to me. New territory indeed..>>

Thinking back I can recall many times pushing past FEAR & riding through/over/under/around it..No harm, no foul & always felt better AFTER I’d faced it head on..Like the time I rapelled down a structure so high UP in the military; that people below looked like ants! I was beyond terrified..I had a strong FEAR of heights..But in order to pass basic training I had, just had, to rapel off this structure..I tried to “appear” brave in front of all my fellow female cadets..But my knees were trembling/I was sweating bricks!/& little did any of them know I begged /pleaded with the Drill Sgt that was up there with me..I begged him to please NOT let go of me & make me rapel down! Then I begged him not to tell anyone I’d begged & cried & prayed..And when I figured out there was NO way out; except down…I closed my eyes & stepped off. True Private Benjamin I was in all ways..When I got down to the bottom? OMG I was so proud of myself & ready to do it again /again/again/AGAIN..I stood there in disbelief that I’d been so very afraid just a few moments before..So tonight as I fight fear & excitement over dating at 50? My focus is letting the knot of fears go & let the exciting butterflies in my tummy fly freely! And I’ll simply close my eyes, open my heart, and step OFF>>