..I’ll be out-of-pocket this week..On purpose & with purpose..But I’d like to leave y’all with an AWEsome line of thought (and Btw I’m going to probably feeeen this week without blogging; my 1st! since I began..) It is honestly my sincere desire to always bring to the table either positive or insightful thoughts ; always laced with what is my reality. Yep, keeping it real is something I can’t help but B & do..So hang onto to your hat, caps, wigs & weaves ladies & gents!  because it will be worth the wait..*COMING SOON as  I go get my praise ON first..HAPPY FATHERS DAY to ALL who are Fathers & even those that have HAD to play the Father role!!!!!! Y’all ROCK *

>>My name is Bernadette & I am a BELIEVER. And? I’m going to stop wearing a lick of makeup to Mass!(church) Before I went to Mass this morning ; I had a mental picture of a “write” I wanted to leave here..Then I went to Mass & really felt-in-living-color the message I woke UP feeling. God’s got a blessing with MY name on it AND yours also! I’m going in deep head first. I thought I’d be DEAD by 50 years of age. And the internal PAIN I felt was so intense; I was ready to die back then..And? This is part 3 , the final piece of my testimony >>

Ever felt something, a feeling of discomfort, but couldn’t put your finger on IT? Couldn’t figure out exactly WHY you felt it? Couldn’t figure out how the hell to make it STOP? Couldn’t figure out why everyone else around you; always seemed SO much  happier than you ? Ever felt not-quite-happy; ALOT? Have you ever felt like IF  you told people  you didn’t feel content; they’d scorn you for whining when , from the outside, looked like you had it ALL? Let that sink in for a minute…then add a major dose of intense, deep pain that you wanted to end so badly; you just figured ending your existence was the only solution? And NO one who knew you really knew your pain; so you tried to just-live-the-life-you-were-living-while-slowly-dying-on-the-INside. And I distinctly recall saying waybackthen “Something IS missing from my Life. Even though I had it very good, tons of people who love/loved me..something WAS missing..>>

…and yet? There WERE /are so many Angels God placed IN my Life Journey, over & over, but I just still kept trying to resist. I thought I was in control & I’d be danged! if I was going to let GO of that control. Plus because I wasn’t a full Believer when the bottom of the floor finally fell in; I didn’t know what to do for certain..next. But? I did know , with utmost certainty, something had to change. In a drastic manner..or I wouldn’t make it to my 50th birthday. I was tired. Very. Worn DOWN by an instance I’d long shoved under the rug; yet I’d not dealt with it. Gnawed at me for years & years &  years in the background of my foreground; always! I couldn’t get away from it. I couldn’t run from it. I couldn’t make it go away. The more I wanted to forget; the more the anniversary seemed to roll around. How is it possible for an anniversary to suddenly be EVERY month? Then EVERY day? WtF & OMG..I called out for a God I didn’t truly believe IN. All I said was I’m so tired and I want to rest. I want just a moment of true PEACE. Just one moment God so I can catch my breath..I think I can make it after that; but I need that and I need it right NOW. And you know what?????? God answered ME. Know why? Because God hears my prayers…& he hears yours also. >>

I think a testimony isn’t anything; IF it isn’t shared! If we don’t share than the BEAUTY of God’s glory & his mercy isn’t spread…Who knows? A non-believer-who-wants-to-believe(like I used to B) MIGHT be reading this …and they(yep that infamous they again…) just might neeeeed to hear of a miracle happening. Because I for sure AM proof positive that miracles DO happen…Trust & believe when I say , by all rights, I was on the veryyyyyyy edge of non-existence. I just wanted to flip the switch OFF; forever. Thats how bad pain can hurt! unless we take care of Self when we’re hurt in God-awful ways. Band-aids just won’t do for a gaping wound….How many walking wounded are walking amongst us? ALL they might need is a kind word from us. Or a smile. Or to HEAR that God hears even a sinner’s prayers..As he did mine. Sometimes I think folks forget WE were all born sinners. I’ve yet to meet a perfect person; yet, we all try to pretend we’re perfect. As IF this lifetime isn’t full of making mistakes,  dusting off knees and moving on with a lesson learned. That IS what its about , right? Least thats the way I see IT. But I admit to being; different. And I’m loving IT! At long last… >>

..I claimed 2013 as my year before 2013 even arrived..I had “faith” that it would be MY year. I’ve been in forward motion; moving in the direction, forward!, that my God is leading me in. I let GO of the reins..I can’t lie from time to time its scary it this way! Until I sit still for a minute & I realize that this trek with God leading the way?! WOW , wowwwwww I can’t even write about all of the positive, progressive things that have come-to-B this past 2.5 years…I’ll lose the rest of the makeUP on my face(that I didn’t lose at church already)  I’m feeling such a strong urge to write these words down …BEFORE..I think about it & the fact that I just stood totally NAKED in front of the entire world. Its out of my control…I say to anyone out there hurting right this minute..Let GO & let GOD. And I mean that with every ounce of my being..God cares less whether you’ve been to church lately. God cares NOT what brand clothes you wear. God cares notttt how expensive your house is; OR if you’ve got a house or a pot to piss IN. Real talk for real…God is waiting for YOU right now to call on HIM. Thats all any of us have to do…God is the ONLY Being who can/will/does! forgive instantly when we ask. WOW. And God can also take the deep, deep hurt away; poof! just gone. Then? He can start one on a path 2 being BRAND NEW. But first? Just trust in HIM & hand over the reins..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & ONLY)