*Thank YOU*

Tags

Giving thanks, Thank YOU, Thankful, WordPress

Waving to ALL..Been a couple days, the longest away since joining WordPress, and I’ve  been feening! I am back.  And yet..I’d be remiss in not first mentioning how VERY thankful I am right now, yesterday, and all the days to come..And IF it sounds like I’m getting ready to preach; its because I am. I don’t know exactly how to articulate what is really in my mind/my heart!/ my SOUL/my spirit at this moment..All I know is its so good I want to share it with y’all..We’ve talked about so many things here, and I’ve enjoyed! & learned & vibed..But before I get back to regular scheduled writing/reading I’d like to share a piece of my inner-most thoughts . Feels SO good that I’d like to attempt to spread this feeling>

In every language that I know & even ones I’d like to know I’ve got to say..Thank YOU my God! First for  waking me UP this morning(& my parents,my sons, & alllll of my loved ones & extended family of friends from Coast TO Coast)  and for helping me to move through sometimes insurmountable ODDS/for showing  me that long as I BELIEVED in YOU and myself; that nothing and I mean NOTHING is impossible! YOU are so good & YOU are good ALL the time>

Yesterday, WOW, how can I put this into words? Not often I’m at a loss for words to explain /describe something but there is a first time for everything..Ever wake UP in a place that all was so shiny brand new/awesome/and yet unfamiliar because its SO brand new? That is how I awakened this morning..On a cushy oh-so-perfect  brand new memory foamed bed; with just the right of firmness..perfectly tailor fit for me. I slept so good I didn’t know I was sleep/didn’t dream/just got refreshed!/renewed..After a long , full day, of moving to my new place. From 4:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. last night; I was a ball of excited! and hyper motion..WOW it was a beautiful day surrounded by beautiful people on a beautiful mission. On a mission to fulfill a plan, a destiny!, that was laid out long before I was born..The mission? For me to reach my GOD -given potential..When a plan we have  falls perfectly into place & works out!; its an awesome feeling, right? What about a plan that one, like me, has NO clue IF those things are possible; yet goes forward moving one step at a time anyway? Driven by a force, by a feeling inside, unheard( God)  & heard voices(my parents & my loved ones) saying ..you can, you CAN, you can. Really can’t explain it any other way folks. My walk isn’t easy at this phase of my life; BUT does it ever feel good when each step comes to fruition!

I’m in a brand new place with all brand new things; literally & figuratively & spritually..And I’m here as a witness that if YOU just hang ON through all the tough! times; have faith; not only will YOU get through it..you’ll get to better days & sunshine. Don’t ever give UP. Keep one foot moving in front of the other; EVEN on days you don’t feel like it. Keep your eyes focused on GOD/keep planning for steps onward & UPward/keep surrounding yourself with good people/Keeeeep loving! and let that LOVE being with loving YOURself! I know, I know, I know because Ioncewasinaplacesodark I couldn’t see the light..But sure as I stand! here I promise you hanging ON is worth it..None of us know what tomorrow brings; and same as tribulation could be on the tomorrow so! could JOY..Reach, reach further than you even think your arms will reach. If WE don’t reach upward and push, push ourselves beyond the limits WE have set for ourselves; then we’ll never get to our God given potential. And what a shame that would BE. For , its my belief, that is why we were created. I believe, God helps those that help themselves..HE will help you reach any goal you set for yourself; long as YOU put in the work. Hard work, yes, but SO worth it. The feeling of seeing the results of good works is priceless. There is NO substitute for this! feeling..I’m overwhelmed by IT right now and just feel compelled to release & share it. IF I can get here; than most certainly ANYONE can. Trust & believe that. Enough said. I’ll be back later to get back to the regularly slated topics; and yep, I’ve got a couple new topics to write on. I look forward, as always , to vibing/learning with & from y’all. Until then stay UPlifted & blessed. And thank YOU for always reading me & inspiring me as well. Y’all rock! 4ever sincere , Berna(the 1 & only)

THANK YOU GOD for loving me so very much!

 

*Should a Woman Marry for Love OR Money? * Challenge from V.S.

Tags

Gold digger, Love, Love relationships, Marrying for love, Marrying for money, WordPress

Couldn’t resist taking the challenge…Might as well state from the jump my stance on this topic. Call me oldskool; really don’t care what you call me. Because I really AM oldskool..Its what I was taught & its what I see that works for long-term love relationships(wish I’d known what I know now the 2 times I’ve been IN love; but then wouldn’t have been valuable lessons learned..) I do NOT believe money buys happiness. I do NOT believe money can buy LOVE. I do NOT judge a man by the size of his; wallet. I think if a woman puts a pricetag on her love; she is literally SELLING herself short. That IS if she’s a good woman at heart; & putting down what it takes to show a man she sincerely loves him. Exclamation point. Period. In addition,  I don’t let a man attach a price tag to my love. Any price he’d attached I’d be offended because I’d think! the price should be higher..Why? Because my love, the Berna experience is priceless(& addictive..I’ve got witnesses ..both of my X’s read my blog..waving!) Y’all ready for this? Here I go..>

Before I dig deeper riddle me this..Any some women  may find this offensive; but it IS the way I feel about this topic. *** What IS the difference between a hooker & a woman who pawns off her love for money ?*** Absolutely NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Alright, now you know how I really feel about it, moving right along>

I’ve heard all sides of this debate..From women & from men..I’ve heard women barter off their services & their bills ..I’ve heard women date multiple men just to have them each pay on a different bill! Also heard men brag on what they’ve bought for a woman, as IF , that someone equates to love. It doesn’t! Not in my book.. Know why they think that? WOMEN have taught them that. And who taught women that bartering for love is an acceptable thing to do? Often times their own mothers; so it goes on from generation to generation. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree..Am I EVER glad my Momma never believed in that so she couldn’t teach it to me. >

I know there are women who won’t date men that don’t make a certain amount of money..I know there are women who it matters what type of car a man drives…They’re seeking the highest bidder; exchanging what is so called love for money. Is that love though?! Or is it just another form of being a hooker? I think I’ve made it clear what my answer is to that. Hooker mentality  ALL day long. Just because its sugar coated; doesn’t change it from what it is..Least that is the way I see it>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having said all of the above I’ve been spoiled ..I’ve been surprised with gifts when I didn’t anticipate them; NOR have I ever asked for any. One time myexhusband made a path of rose petals; with gifts along the way as I walked down the path. Awwwwww..that was not too long after I’d given birth..and I was feeling anything but sexy. And THAT was one of the best Valentine Days ever..Memories are very sweet; but it was never a requirement. What I’ve lived is when a man loves a woman; he will buy gifts to show her that. And although thats all good when deserved; what matters the most to me? Corny as it sounds to some; TIME spent. To me love is measured by HOW a man treats me; and that he’ll give his time to spend with me. Nothing can compare to quality time …>

So this is how I feel about women marrying for love or money..IF you marry for love; do NOT be shocked when you’ve got to DO unheavenly things. As a paid woman..well , I’ve leave y’all to fill in that blank. I don’t want to know what it feels like to be a paid woman! I also can’t imagine how a man feels to be just a big wallet to his woman..that is certainly one thing my “the one” won’t have to worry about.

 

>>>>UnDeR-Use of the most infamous 3 words created@ I Love You<<<<

Tags

Expressing love, Love

*When is the last time you told someone you loved them? Do you just assume those that you love; know it? And when you do say the words I love you; do your actions consistently match the meaning behind those words? I’m of the belief that one should say what they mean; and mean what they say. In that same regard I feel there are no 3 words more important that can be uttered than…I love you. >

Saying I love you comes so  naturally to me I figure everyone is used to hearing it..That is not always the case. And I once was told there are even places it isn’t appropriate to say it! Once, long ago now, I worked in a state prison with my then husband..We were in heaven every day! even though behind concrete walls; we saw each other often alll day long. BUT one day I was skipping away(yep, literally) after we’d shared an embrace in the office hallway…And when I got halfway down the hall; and knew he was watching me walk away..I yelled out! See you at home and I love YOU..His coworkers were staring. The inmates walking by were staring. My husband looked mortified..and I was grinning from ear to ear. I had NO clue what was to come next. He told me later at home I could jeopardize his authority(& safety)  with the inmates (he was then a correctional officer..) showing such softness in front of them….WtH? It was that moment I decided I no longer wanted to work in a prison. I’d been told it wasn’t Disney world(even had to wear a whistle around my neck for emergencies…) but can’t express love either?! Naw, I wasn’t going to be in a nonsafe environment around my lover husband; and hide that. Real love can’t be hidden nor denied nor kept inside..it flows outward. Saying I love you should always be natural>

When is the last time you said the words; I love you?

Does it flow naturally in everything you say or DO?

Ever say 3 words that just make you feel good from head to toe?

Want to surprise the heck of someone you love? In the middle of a disagreement walk towards them, slowly(don’t want them to think you’re going to smack them..) and softly say , I love you. I don’t even think a tin man could continue to be angry at that moment..>

This topic came to mind behind a happening last week..I was excited about something..And as I was walking away I yelled out to a female friend, Ooooh I just love you! Didn’t mean it in an intimate way at all; though everyone in the room froze…Why are those 3 words usually reserved for intimacy or only family members? Can’t one feel genuine love for just friends? And if that is the case why not say it?>

Someone very special to me recently said something so deep ; I don’t think he really realized how deep it was. And I won’t reveal who he is..but it touched my heart. He said that when his brother said the words , I love you to him..he’d never heard him say that before to him. He’d known all his young life that his brother loved him. And he’d long wanted to say I love you to his brother ..yet didn’t know how he’d respond. So he’d never said it to him..BUT when his brother said it to him , finally, it brought tears to his eyes. He said I know he’s truly matured and grown because he finally said IT..And he was the younger of the two making that observation. Moral of the story? IF you feel it…say it. Words matter. Alot.  Never know how much the other person might need to hear it from; you. And with that I rest my case.

^STAGGERING Statistics @Black Love Relationships..the Good, the Bad, the FUNKY ugly^

Tags

Black love, Black love relationships, Black men in Prison, Black Women, Divorce, Education, INdependent woman, marriage, Single Black Women, UNeducated Black Men, Women's Lib, WordPress

Disclaimer: From the jump let me make just one thing clear..These are my opinions on this matter. I am a very opinionated person; and I make no apology for it..The catalyst for this post was yet another UNsolicited suggestion; that I need to LOWER my standards & expectations or be single for far longer than I wish to be. Of course not only do I disagree..I’ve got a few comments to say on the state of Black Love Relationships. Including those that consider themselves oh, so fortunate! to be in BAD relationships..Ever hear that old adage @ I can do bad all by myself? Oh and! How about this one that I live by @ I’d rather BE single than to be part of a relationship I know is BAD/ill-suited/& not couple- compatible  from the get-go? >

Make no mistake about it, Black Love, does still exist(my parents just celebrated 51 years of marriage & still IN love)  …but the dynamics of it has changed. In more ways than 1 and for more than 1 reason…>

Let it be noted before I delve any deeper into this..I simply LOVE my brothers! Hands down I do, with all my BEing..I am in full support of/participated in co-raising 3 heckified beautiful Black princes/am the daughter of an OUTSTANDING Black Daddy/am the sister of an amazing Black & loyally married brother(key word there is LOYAL..that still matters) /exwife & ex yet still very, very good friend to an awesome Black brother who is a #1 Dad/& Sista friend to a host of Black brothers who I’m blessed to be able to call devoted friends..Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way; onto why a particular brother’s comments on MY marital status disappointed me so very much(& is the fuel behind this post)…>

I think there is an assumption & presumption that when a sexy, smart sister is single it means…a. she has set her standards TOO high  b. has unrealistic expectations of a man/relationship c. thinks she deserves more based on what a brother can do for  her financially(also known as a gold digger) and won’t link up with the average brother…..But what hasn’t been considered?!? Based on just simple, basic! things that a woman desires in a man; its very SLIM pickings out there. Exclamation point. Period..Lets see if I can explain this properly.. 1. OMG is having a decent conversation toooo much to ask for these days?!? WithOUT hearing about the size of my butt! (IF I hear 1 more comment about it I will scream; what IS wrong with these younger brothers on the East Coast? ) WithOUT hearing about my looks or my hair or that I look Spanish and not Black…Miss me with all of it/grow UP/man UP..I’ve tired of being polite; cause some of us were raised by mother who taught us manners. But you’ve got to step UP your game , to the least, to get past all of the compliments quickly and move onto to a decent conversation. Going on & on & on just makes it appear as if you aren’t capable of holding a decent conversation…and personally? My time is tight & precious..talk to me about something other than ME..or don’t waste your breath. Moving right along>

*Black love statistics & then back to my very real commentary*= Recent estimates of single, Black women: 60% -70%(thats a whopper amount) . Employment rate for Black men current approx & record low:56.9% . (love without finance is not fun; it takes 2 incomes these days to make it as a couple) More than TWICE as many Black men married someone of another ethnicity; then Black women(roughly 22% to 8%..so doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out this is making the amount of fish in the pond smaller for Black women to be chosen by..) . 70% of Black children are born to single Black Mothers. (wait, there is NO such thing as a single mother..can’t have a baby alone…WHAT is this saying about Black men??? can have sex with Black women but not put a ring on IT? *slapping forehead*) 41% of Black women have never married. 43% of Black men have never married..backintheday when my folks married; you didn’t have SEX without a ring on it..how things have changed for the worse) 70% of 1st Black marriages are ending in divorce. So IF you’re on your 1st marriage & Black..odds are you’re not going to make it. Especially if you don’t even enter the marriage in love; which by the way the brother who said I needed to lower my standards admitted.. Never been IN love; yet currently married. I just can’t wrap my mind around the many questions of why..and then people are shocked instantly into the marriage there are major , major issues. As IF. I’d be more shocked if there weren’t..>

Going to see if I can break this down from what, I think, is the beginning of this chaotic situational situation…I’m about finding solutions to problems & after I break this down? I’ll do my best to lay down what I think is a simple start to a solution..The good news? What is broken down can be built back UP; but it will take time/consistency/& desire to get back to the basics. Now the tough part that will more than likely make some of my Black sisters hate on me…though if they let this sink in & chew on it the concept really does make sense. First of all I am & will always be a proud woman’s libber. I adore being a woman & all things in support of women. I am for a woman being respected and judged based on her “own” merit. I’ve been known to say I’m far more than a pretty face. I mean that 100%..one thing I think men often forget? The true beauty in a woman is beneath her appearance. It is her heart! , her spirit, her essence and her inner-soul. Nevertheless what I sincerely feel began the rapid decline of Black Love relationships is = Women’s Lib. Yep, somehow  we got sucked IN way backintheday to thinking that our INdependence was #1. Question that is begging to be answered now is..At what cost was/is our independence worth? And independent from what? Real & intimate & necessary LOVE relationships & our children who we allowed to be raised by strangers for 8 entire hours a day??? (add that up and its alot of time children are away daily from their parents…) The fall out from what was really caused by women’s lib?  How many HAPPY married Black  folks do you know?(let me quickly insert here my parents are)  Think about it…I’ll wait. >

So the fall out began from women’s lib..The woman suddenly felt just taking care of home..i.e..her husband & children full time..wasn’t a worthy full time job. Thus, children were raised primarily (40 -45 hrs a week is the bulk of the waking week days..) by strangers…think about when did kids behavior overall become as disrespectful as it is now? When did the use of DRUGS on children become prevalent? I don’t recall soooo many kids on ADD meds backintheday when I was in elementary…used to just call them hyper kids! And what about tending to her husband? After a full day of work and then home to tend to dinner & the kids(is anyone doing homework with children anymore??? taking kids to the library anymore? reading with kids anymore???) how many nights is a wife NOT feeling like tending to her husbands needs? And that causes men to do what? Or one of the causes…stray. I have to say for the record I have never seen or heard of SO many people cheating or willing to cheat on their marriage; as these days. Its out of control…why even be married if you’re not going to attempt to stay loyal? Tiger Woods is a prime example…wtH? Anyways I digress, but y’all get the gist>

So now we’ve got generation upon generation of people from broken homes..Whats worse is then some Black fathers don’t even stay involved with their children after the break up..As IF its the child they’re also breaking off with. I will never understand nor be able to RESPECT a man that hasn’t tended to his children. How in the world you can not care for your own seed is beyond me..even wild animals tend to their babies/offspring. And IF a man doesn’t take care of his own seed; what makes a woman think he cares about her. There is no logic in that. With the rising cost of living it is almost impossible to raise a child on one income..this is where oldschool type families SHOULD  step in to help..it truly does take a village these days..Lest we forget our African roots..But that is another long topic for another time. These are just but a couple ways women’s lib began the descent of the Black family & Black love..as a woman that is a sobering , sad thought. How do we get back what WE had? Because in trying to sort through the broken pieces out here as a single woman ready to date? I’m just glad I’m happy & content with my life..or I’d be one miserable woman waiting for an eligible suitable ‘the 1″. Never mistake the fact that I talk about yearning to be in love again or married; for being unhappy. I’m very happy & hopefully I can will into existence what I wish for by talking or writing about it. I believe in that@Think it. Dream it. Make it happen.

My biggest problem? I’ve got standards; some say too high. I not only look for physical attractiveness ; but a man’s character matters to me. His consistency/keeping his word/his heart shining through in his actions/he has good COMMUNICATION skills and can hold a decent conversation/he is kind/He is a Believer(that should’ve been #1 on the list)/he respects his Mother, this is a must, and women. Tip for my brothers reading this..When you disrespect  your marriage/wife by hitting on me..you also disrespect ME.  And I won’t allow that or myself to stoop to your level..Just because you don’t respect your marriage..doesn’t mean I’m going to . Last but not least IF having such standards makes me greedy or stuck on my self. Then so be it..really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about me. What matters most is what I think/feel  about myself. I think being in love matters for longevity in a relationship/marriage. Even if its not the first marriage; it still matters. And in my book it always will.

The path to get things back to the way they were; I think begins with choosing potential spouses/signficant others based on more than their looks or sex…When something, anything, isn’t built on a good foundation…it falls apart. People think they can change people. Can’t! All that happens is you’ll waste alot of time & youth trying..unhappily. I’d not trade a day of being single for that. Isn’t that called HELL? Until I read/write y’all again stay uplifted & blessed. 4ever sincere , Berna (the 1 & only)

Holy Crap! I’m almost 50 **

Tags

50 and Fabulous, 50th birthday, Anticipation, Birthday celebration, Excitement, Mothers, Personal Evolvement, Turning 50 yrs old, WordPress

Today I forgot, again, that I’m almost 50 years old. Is there a certain way to ACT when one becomes 50? Are there certain things I’m not supposed to do anymore? If there is a specific new way to act or feel at 50 years old; I’m not there yet! Certainly NOT trying to look 50 yrs old, least not for another 15 yrs or so.  I don’t know how to be anything other than…ME~~

…Today  I was running(not a full force run; but I wasn’t walking nor was I jogging) while wearing 4 inch heels!/Sunday’s finest & cute!-special-4-Mothers Day- dress  on/hair was hooked!..I was on church grounds headed to the Hall; the men of our church had cooked breakfast for all Mothers in honor of Mothers Day..Why was I running? I wanted a very good family friend(who recently had surgery) to not have to walk around the building to get into our church hall. Running while in a dress in 4 inch heels is NOT something I do often(unless a barking dog  shows UP out of nowhere..I admit I’ve run like hell in those situations..in flipflops even!) but .. a. I didn’t want her having to stand on her feet too long b. I wanted that door open , instead of the back door, & it was locked c. I was starving!!!! I had not even a banana that morning and it was after 11 a.m. d. It was HOT outside & I move quickly in the heat to get OUT of it.. So anyways, before I “remembered that I was in a heels/all dressed UP/and that I’m just about 50 ” there I was running..Just got caught UP  in the spontaneity of the moment..Later on;  is when the *thoughts* began to creep into my mind…>

1st thought was * Dangggg I’m glad my Mom didn’t see me do that, lol lol! She’d have been horrified. My Mom is perfectly mannered at all times..I slip from time to time; I forget which fork to use when the table setting has more than TWO/I laugh sometimes when I shouldn’t cause when stuff is funny I can’t help it/I’ve been heard saying “oops” on the mic sitting in the choir in church(now THAT is embarrassing) & etc etc yada yada I just can’t recall all of the perfect rules of etiquette ! But I do think I’m serious so much of my life that at this phase; I am not trying really hard to stop my laughter or my spontaneity..>

Truth be told I’m LOLing a ton more at this point in my life than EVER before..Real talk for real..More than likely because for the first time in my adult  life I’ve … a. Got no one but my own fanny to take care of; which btw was a major adjustment. I’ve been a parent as long as I’ve been an adult..if nothing else comes naturally to me it IS to nuture..I was like a fish out of water when my 1st son left years & years ago headed to college. And when the last one left to head to college couple years ago? For a minute I didn’t know how what to do next..I was like wtheck do I do now? Happens when one is always used to tending to others they love..now its time for Mama to tend to Mama. At long last…  b. NO longer fear the boogie-man(seen him first hand and survived!) No longer fear being without, doing without, or being single..been there, done that, lived through it, and took tons of mental notes…lessons earned & learned  c. Now with God holding the reins, my parents on each side of me emotionally, my sons loving me to the fullest, a host of loved ones & extended family of friends…whether I’m  up or down I’m never alone. So with all of that who wouldn’t smile & laugh & laugh..koolaid smiles so wide my cheeks hurt! Bring it ON 50 cause I am ready..>

On most days I forget I’m knocking on 50…Until! I hear folks older than me say things like…Oh wow, 50 is THE age when your body starts falling apart little by little..*slapping forehead* and OMG…I’m trying with all my might to fight gravity and slap mother nature in the face for a little while longer..Its like a juggling act for sure; but so far everything is STILL where its supposed to be..Thank You God for blessing me with good genes; so good that I can still rock my jeans.

I think all things considered I’m going to keep forgetting I’m half a century old..Don’t want to lose my spunky lust for life that often times has me giggling like a little girl. I’ve earned those giggles! Don’t want to lose following through the urge to STOP and smell the flowers..daily. I appreciate all parts of nature…plants breed new life and re-growth. Don’t want to lose the pep in my step or the urge to sing out loud often times..Had to catch myself singing in the hall at work the other day(before someone heard me , lol ) But life really is that good; the song in my heart is singing loud all day loud..every once in a while its bound to slip out. And if I invited you to my 50th bday party in July? You’ll see just how a 50 yr old can still put the P in party…cause I’m going to dance & dance & dance & dance & dance..I don’t care if every bone & muscle in my body aches the next day..better not, lol! Going to party like its 1999!!!!!! Don’t remember that Prince song? Better ask somebody! And  make sure they’re 50 & UP.. Older really is better and wiser>

Any other 50 somethings or older have a story to share about being better?

~MaMa LoVe~ HAPPY 51ST ANNIVERSARY MOM & DADDY~I LOVE U BOTH ALWAYS!

Tags

Beauty personified, Happy anniversary, Happy Mothers Day, Love, Mama, Mom, Mother, Mothers Day, Mothers Day 2013, Pure Love, Tribute to my Mama With Love, Unconditional Love, WordPress

~Happy Mother’s Day to ALL the Mothers!  that are here today & those that have passed on to greener pastures..This is my sincere tribute to the woman who gave me life and has given me UNconditional love my entire life journey..She has inspired me to be all the woman I can BE/was meant to BE/and strive to BE..Daily I reach higher above my own expectations of Self; to be even half the woman she is. I love you always Mama, Sincerely your only daughter Bernadette~

~~Bonded forever since first feeling your heartbeat against my face

I’ve been loved from the warmth of the womb & on..

Such priceless lessons you’ve shown me that life isn’t ever  a race

Its to be savored sweetly like a good ole Motown song..

How can I ever walk a mile in my Mama’s lovely shoes?

I can’t!  so I stopped trying to be anything other than ME

And

I

Am

Glowing..

Taught me so well good manners, be true to myself and how to deal with lifes rules

And regulations ..

Long before Steve Harvey, Mama told me BE a lady but think like  a MAN

Mama said ‘ain’t nothing a woman can NOT do; with a  well laid plan

Oooo how you reign Mama sooo high UP on my list of those I admire

You’re my #1 pick .. on  my old lonely dark days you begged me not to lose my internal fire

The flicker now has grown to a full flame!

Each step I take you’ve always been right there at my side

Beaming with joy, love, and unquestionable motherly pride

Without a single doubt I’d not be the woman that I am

Had it not been for a Mama that always said you can!

Mere words can’t express whats deeply embedded in my heart

But I couldn’t be happier you’ve been there with me from the word, start.

For all of these things & more that emotions won’t permit me to say..

Happy Mother’s Day Mama I love you now and every , single day~4ever sincere Bernadette(Berna the 1 & only)

****Yes, What YOU Think Really does Matter****

Tags

Excellent health, Happy, Positive, Power of positive thinking, Thoughts, WordPress

How do U or do U maintain or use the power of positive thinking? Did U know I believe(& I strive 2 live it..) that what we intake; impacts us often times immediately(and other times over periods of time)? Were you aware that positive thinkers are statistically proven to . 1. Be better at coping with problems. 2. More resilient 3. Look for solutions 4. More than likely to ask for help when needed 5. Better in a crisis 6. Highly successful in life/careers/relationships 6. Tend to be kinder 7. Increased capacity for joy 8. Less likely to have mental health issues 9. Less stress and therefore better health 10. Better immunity…

>”Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your DESTINY” ~~~Gandhi

Lets rap..Anyone out there have suggestions on how they use powerful thinking? Any thoughts or tips on how to convert from a half-empty type personality(negative) to half-full type personality(positive)?

~Carpe Diem~*Seize the Day* & STOP Bitching/Whining

Tags

Carpe diem, don't sweat the small stuff, LIVE, Live Love! Laugh, Seize the day, WordPress

…there is a story that fuels this sentiment..As usual never, ever, eva!, a dull moment in my colorful  life journey..

>I chose this topic early this morning before heading to work. My main focus at that time was to NOT free-fall emotionally; for I received bad news at my Doctor visit yesterday. My intent for this day was to live this day to the fullest. That isn’t just a cliche; its a concerted effort from folks like me who refuse to let “happenstance” bring us DOWN. And then I came home from work…BAM. My world, my reality was jolted even moreso than the day before. My mood tonight?=Pensive. Yet fighting to stay UPbeat & eyes glued to the positive part of *the here & now* I need to release a few thoughts. Let them GO..Hope someone out there will catch them>

I feel a free flow of thoughts coming..Here goes…So, yesterday after 2 years of tests after tests! I heard the dreaded words from my Doc that NO one wants to hear..Unless they’re twisted; and I’m far from that state of being. Anyways, she(my Doc) looked at me with great, big deer eyes(open WIDE) and said” I need you to know how important this IS. We need to move quickly on this to find out what IT is; to rule out that it isn’t Cancer. It is either Cancer or…& the latter we can take care of with a procedure or operation..blah blah & alot of medical terms that I have NO clue what the hell they meant..*We then both stood there staring at each other; while I quickly tried to figure out how I was going to respond. I figured I had  options on how to respond =  a. Faint b. Call my Mom! c. Cry d. Faint e. Cry some more & yell & scream f. Call my God to beg! him not to let it be Cancer g. Ask my Doc to explain to me , indepth, what step was next & what step was after that & so forth . BUT , in my heart of hearts, what I really wanted to do was to say…You are wrong because this simply can’t be happening to ME/I’m healthy! as I’ve ever been/I’ve been drinking nasty green raw vegetables for NINE dang months to be even healthier/I work out twice a day/I take vitamins every day/I want a RE-test..>

But I said none of that..And as I blinked away tears that I refused to let fall(for I was afraid I’d not stop..) she said basically ” Don’t allow yourself to trip, you knew it was *something* this just confirms your suspicions. And the good news IS you’re strong, healthy, positive, and we’re going to take care of this” And she was right. Fainting wasn’t an option nor crying like a baby nor calling my Mom like a 2yr old nor falling the heck apart..Then she asked me how *attached* I was to my female parts. I thought about the attachment I had to that special place I’d carried my most treasured achievements; my 3 wonderful grown sons. That *special place* is a momento! a souvenir of sorts..and yet I told her IF it comes to that then take it. I’ll still be a woman without it, right? >

It needs to be said I love my life; absolutely every single thing about it..I’ve fought to get here & I’ll dayum sure fight to stay here. Exclamation point. Period..Nevertheless last night, with this new fresh reality, was surreal. I was emotionally exhausted by time I laid my head down..prayed UP & surrounding by the love of my parents  and just ready to sleep it off. Tomorrow , which was today, was a brand new day. I woke UP ready to focus on the beautiful weekend ahead of me..Its Mothers Day weekend! I’ve sent my card to my exMominLaw early/Bought my Mom a beautiful Gift/Bought my God Mom a lovely card/plus! Sunday is also my parents 51st, yep 51 years in love, anniversary/Plans on top of plans planned for the entire weekend..I just don’t have time to focus on this new reality until the next test on Tuesday morning>

On my way to work this morning I sat in 15 mins of bumper2bumper stand-still traffic..While people were rubber-necking to see an awful accident..A person was being taken out of a car with the jaws of life; which is NEVER a good thing. As I passed the wreckage; I quickly turned away. A person deserves their dignity! in such incidents; and then I prayed for them. And I also said a quiet thank you to my GOD..that it wasn’t me in that car. Thank YOU God for my situation could be worse. I’m still here. I’m still standing. And I know, I feel!, in my heart of hearts, this isn’t Cancer..I just know IT. I’ve not worked this hard to get to this here & now to stop fighting now. I refuse. And from that point on allll day long I smiled & smiled & smiled..I fought off a couple anxiety attacks during the day; moments where my tummy felt like butterflies were having an awful fight in there. I won that fight. Then I attended a seminar at work that I’d pre-registered for couple days prior. *The Power of Positive Thinking* Wow, how timely cause I needed an extra boost on this day. The LifeCoach that was the guest speaker was outstanding..I clearly understand & could relate to all she said. Hell, I was living IT. She confirmed for me what I already had learned to live…that WE have a choice whether to be negative or positive/that being positive at times of crisis takes concerted but DOable effort/that being positive has a WEALTH of health benefits including! the fact that stress ages people(that point I brought up cause I refuse to ever look my age..Black don’t crack till its DEAD) /that positive people are more successful/that surrounding oneself with other positive people helps to keeeeep a person positive. WOW confirmation can certainly be a goooood thing & of all days I needed it today. Quickly added the LifeCoach to my Network circle & I do plan on maintaining contact with her.*Feel Good Moments of today*=My youngest son called me, as usual, just to say I love you Mom! My eldest son emailed with pics from Chile visit with his PHD cohorts. My X called from Cali to tell me he’s thinking of me-calls me Beautiful in a way that still melts my heart & makes my temp rise-& that he’s missing me still… Throughout the day any & every woman I shared with either; a. shared her OWN story of female-health-issue-surgery-triumph!-still-standing-story or gave me tons of encouragement, hugs! & love. How amazing & beautiful a thing it IS when women bond & talk & share..WE truly should do it more often..Had it not been for the suggestion from my boss on the test I took yesterday?( When God moves he moves in miraculous ways..) I’d still be “unknowing of the unknown that I now know”. I sure hope that makes sense to y’all cause I can’t express it any other way>

So anyways after an entire day of not tripping on my new reality/on STOPPING all negative thoughts that tried to steal my JOY/on fighting off anxious feelings of questions and what IFS and shyt! that I just can’t/won’t know till after more tests next week..I discover my Mom had a heart-attack scare today. And it was serious enough of a scare that her lovemate/husband/lifemate of 51 yrs, my Daddy, called an ambulance. With 2 new cars sitting in the garage. OMFG..all day I never knew. And here I’d been thinking of me allll day and my situation which might end UP not even being a Cancer situation…and my beloved Mom/one of 2 parents who know me better than ANY one else in the world & love , love! love me for ME/bestfriend in the whole wide world was IN the hospital being tested & tested & tested.  I was instantly glad I hadn’t tripped on my own crap ; cause it instantly seemed TRIVIAL in comparison>

That was/IS personal. I shared because I hope someone out there gets the message..I shared because I always feel a  much-needed release when I write it out vs venting to someone and dumping my stuff on them..I shared because beautiful people shared things with me & that is going to help me to make my prognosis happen quicker. I shared because I feel WE don’t live on an island-WE are all linked to one another-WE are supposed to share to help one another..even when it hurts to say or see the words shared. I think God thinks I’m stronger than I am. I hope I can rise to his expectations and prove I’m as strong as he thinks. Tomorrow is a new day. A chance for a new beginning & smiles & laughter shared with our loves ones/friends..~Carpe Diem~

>>>Just DANCE>>>the CURE for World UNITY

Tags

DANCE, Have fun, Just dance like no one is watching, Love, Music, RELAX, Stress, troubles, UPtightnessless, WordPress, World Peace, World Unity

I think I’m onto something here &  going with the flow..Sit back, kick your feet UP & get ready to think outside the box. Ever seen major beauty pageants? Well, I honestly don’t watch them anymore either, BUT backintheday when I used to…There was always that one beauty who when they asked her what was her lifetime goal; she’d say in her most oh-sincere-voice. ” I’d like to end World hunger & see World Peace”. Truth be told I really DO think of plausible solutions for World peace/UNITY/ending World hunger/ending World homelessness..The process has to begin somewhere & I think, I really do, I’ve got the answer to get the ball rolling. Push START..>

**What IF we lived in a world of peace, love,  harmony , freedom and justice for all. Can y’all imagine how little we’d have to stress over or be frustrated about? If you close your eyes for a minute…go ahead close your eyes(well read this part first..) …can’t you see all the smiling faces? Laughter  can be heard all day long; everywhere! Singing, children playing & giggling, NO hungry person exists, everyone has a roof over their head/clothing in inclement weather, NO racism nor prejudice exists; just total tolerance, love, joy, and peace. Lets see if I can paint a clear picture of what I see when I…dream. >

Ever been at a family reunion or group function with music, excellent food, & dancing? Notice how the music hypes everyone all up? Next thing you know there are large groups of people doing Soul Train lines(yep, we still get down like that and its fun!) and of course electric slide/wobble(woooo hooo) No one really cares who they’re dancing next to/or even who is their dance partner..the electric & excitement in the air just gets everyone all amped UP and…dancing!>

..Why can’t that feeling of togetherness-without-a-care-in-the-world carry on from the dance floor onto day-to-day life? How have we allowed ourselves to live in a society in which TRUST is so hard to come by? Someone once told me long ago I had to earn their trust..that honestly blew my hair back! Especially since I thought we were family. Isn’t it supposed to be the opposite? What happened to TRUST until someone shows you they don’t deserve your trust? (and they burn you..) When in the heck did NOT trusting , from the onset, become the norm ?! And exactly who sets these so called norm rules anyway? The majority? Count me out…I’ve no issue being different. Actually I’m quite used to it & have grown to like it>

Aren’t we all as humans sisters & brothers? Linked together forever because of that being factual? If that is the case why are there WARS? Why do we, even myself, guilty of judging/stereotyping/prejudice..does this not cause separatism? Is this something we learn-by-example? Or we born feeling this way? Or conditioned? More & most  importantly how do we STOP it from continuing to re-cycle to the next generation?>

When one dances and gets caught UP in the ebb & flow of the music …it can amp  up to a feverish pace. It IS contagious! Before you know it an entire room of people are dancing & dancing & dancing..Why can we not employ this concept to have more cohesiveness in the world. A world void of hate, wars, and people less fortunate than others. Basic needs would rightfully be taken care of; IF we all lend a helping hand to those less fortunate than ourselves. Pay-it-forward-Mentorship-Tutoring-Adoption-FeedaFamily..so many things to form ..more unity. I read alot, a great deal, and many believe world peace is no longer possible. They believe there will always be war/famine/poor/homelessness..Is this our new reality that we can no longer even dream for such things? When the ability to dream no longer exists, it takes all hope with it. I refuse..and you should also. THINK about it. And while you’re at it; there is a way to really get your creative juices flowing…JUST DANCE

^Online DATING Sites..Love is a keystroke away or Losers-R-US?^

Tags

Communication, Love, Love relationships, Online dating sites, True love, WordPress

As always I’ve got something to say ..I’m not a good fence-rider at all; I usually tilt one way or another on just about any & everything under the sun. Literally…Want to know what my thoughts are on the prospect of looking for love online? This is the way I see IT>

I’ve wondered what type of person uses an online dating site..Wouldn’t they have to be desperate? Don’t they have enough social skills to meet & connect with someone in the offline real world? Haven’t we all heard the horrific horror stories from online encounters?>

How would you know IF a person was being honest on an online dating site? What motivates a person to resort to seeking love online? All of these questions and more come to mind…One would think with all of the potential scams that online dating would be declining. Yet, recent statistics show the number of people participating is climbing. Its at an all time high according to current stats=40 million folks in the U.S. have used online dating sites/140 million folks in China have used online dating sites./The Porn Industry blames its $74 million decline on online dating sites/Average length of courtship prior to marriage from online dating is 18.5 months. Average length of courtship prior to marriage from offline dating is 42 months/20% of single people have dated someone they met online/20% of newly committed people in relationships met on an online dating site…>

I recall after my divorce I said I’d never consider an online dating site..I’ve evolved in leaps & bound since then & have now learned to not utter the phrase” I’ll never do….” again. Life has a way of making us eat our words sometimes or better yet to re-think things. After all there are 2 sides to every coin, right? I’m  hardly desperate but I am highly selective(some call it picky) I think there is a difference between being picky vs. selective. I know what I want/what I need/my worth/my flaws/my weaknesses/my strengths/my best attributes/all that I have to offer a mate/and what I deserve in a man..>

Here comes the PUNCHline and if you’d  pre-guessed my opinion on this topic; it will blow your hair back>

I’m considered , and I totally agree!, to be an otherwise intelligent person..So why would I NOT contemplate broadening my love horizons by dating online?!? After much deliberation that is my new conclusion I’m quickly arriving at..surprise you?  More than sure it will surprise most of the people who know me well also! Theres more>

The flip side of my thoughts of online dating sites. A side B ..(anyone out there remember 45 records??? ) Get with the program and try to keep UP>

Its been said & proven one can meet a total freak!/killer/rapist/pervert!/selfish/UGLY/morally corrupt/& spiritually bankrupt person..on an online dating site. BUT can’t the same also be said for people we meet in offline circumstances? Remember backintheday when singles met & linked UP at clubs? AND, mind you, couldn’t even hear each other talk over the music?? Which setting IS a good place for singles to meet these days? Is Church the only place to meet a potential lifemate? The grocery market? Library?(can’t talk in there!..though I’ve tried hard to whisper..and discovered I don’t know how to whisper) What place these days affords those of us with oh-so-busy schedules to link up for potential love relationships?>

Well from my window seat and soon to be on the market..with my schedule?  IF I don’t get PROactive in the love game; I’ll be single for far longer than I have any intention of being..I refuse! Or at this rate & pace & selection-available-per-my-present-surroundings?!? I’ll soon either a. Be a Nun(lawd! even saying that is weirding me out. b. Lose my natural born mind from hormonal overdose c. adopt a child that needs a home to release all the love I have inside(awwww, honestly, that thought just entered my mind..BUT the idea was instantly reduced down to adopting  a puppy instead) So given the aforementioned options; I’ve thought of a few benefits of possibly  giving an online dating site a try>

#1 . Background checks are easy enough to have run for any reason..online or offline. If a potential meet had an issue with this; they just saved me the money of doing the background check.

#2. I have a high appreciation for a brother who can express himself in written form. And if he can write poetry? Major bonus. Communicating online would give me a chance to see how he or if he can write his thoughts out..Communication is a must in any relationship. Least if he can write it out; if we work out, he can write his thoughts on paper to me. By any means necessary

#3. With the loaded schedule I’ve got this mode of meeting my potential “the one” would really broaden my horizons. It would also allow us to communicate around both of our schedules. Talk about convenient!  Win-win situation until we decide on a meet & greet in person. (is that what they even call it ?)

I know people who have tried the online dating scene ..there are pro’s & con’s just as there are to dating offline. I also know people who  have married who met online & seem happy. Truth be told its not something I’ll be jumping into tomorrow or even next week. But I’ve come a long way to even considering it…and for me? Thats truly a progressiveness to thinking outside the box. I don’t think these days a woman can sit & wait for love to knock on her door. Seems far smarter to put myself in the ballpark if I want to play ball..and I DO. (those words have a beautiful ring to them…)

Anyone out there have an online dating experience worth sharing?

>>>>WORD Hustle<<<<

Tags

Emotions, human touch, Joy, Life experiences, Linking up with people with words, Love, People, Power of WORDS, Social interactions, WordPress, Words, Words reflect who the person is saying them.., WP Longform

I know I can’t possibly be the only one whose mind has a mind of its own…Its a phrase I’ve grown fond of & claimed as my “own”. Or is that called daydreaming? What about if it occurs at night though? While awake so it does not qualify as a …dream. Well anyways just a couple of evenings ago, while wide awake, I was pondering over how a simple WORD can soothe me. Not even when I’m in need of soothing; or least consciously. Then today quite unanticipated I wound up making a comment about WORDS@Words can heal…Coincidence? Maybe, Maybe not>

THINK…of the impact our very words have on lil babies..Fresh & pure they first learn of our native tongue from our lips. Our inflections when we say words. Our facial expressions when we utter words. Our body language as we verbally express words..I find this a highly important topic for that & many reasons…I wish, I wish, I wish I’d been more cognizant of that when my sons were babies. Thanking my God & lucky stars! that  love always  flowed through; even times when I was angry. But what IF it hadn’t? Our societal reality is that some babies are raised with & taught hatred…WE  have a choice how we use our words to teach, soothe, comfort , encourage, praise!, and oh yes, spread love..>

With words I’ve discovered & re-discovered I can lift myself to higher mood levels..I , finally, learned how to write-through when I’m going-through ‘ish..Allows me the positive benefit of never having to rely on artificial chemical mood lifters. Nor will I ever…long as I can write & talk..especially on rainy days. I’ve become my own best comforter and it just feels; good. Add music & I’ve got my own piece of Heaven right here on Earth>

I’ve a gift for gab that try as I might! I can no longer deny..

So I don’t~

Depends on my mood how many words I’ll use 2 reply

Sometimes I won’t!

*Word* manipulation on paper is my preferred way to express

Like now~

Can lift myself higher & higher so I’m rarely ever depressed

WOWderful!>

…….Ever think about the times you wish, wish , & wish some more; that YOU could take words back you’d said to someone in haste? You try to clean it UP and say you’re sorry but the damage is done. So done! Folks can forgive you for saying dumb arse stuff; but they can’t forget it. I know because I’ve tried. Rewind the tape in my mind/try to replace other overlapping thoughts over the words/but the words are still there in my memory. Said. Can’t be UNsaid. Just isn’t possible..but what is certainly possible..is the inherent ability we have to weigh our words. Even though far too often we don’t..>

As I’ve evolved/grown/matured to a perfect present state of ripeness I manipulate the words I utter & write..About 90% of the time..Still working on the other 10%(I’m a constant work in progress progressing progressively) of times I respond to others with not-so-nice-words. I can hang with the best of the best that like to throw jabs with words. Translation? I can use my words/my mouth as a weapon IF I feel the need to. Though alot of times I think my niceness is misinterpreted as a weakness..Its not. I’m not. My preferred state of being nor my  natural state isn’t to be a bitch; but I know how to use my words like a bitch if the need arise. Real talk for real ..Jeez I digressed badly …Anyways great majority of the time I choose to use words to encourage/praise/spread the joy I feel/and to let love flow..Surprisingly enough sometimes people don’t know how to take it. As IF folks aren’t used to it from people they don’t know in a close manner. Until people get used to me I get looks (& sometimes verbal questions) that say” Are you for real?” And the answer is , Yep, I am. And I’m working on getting real the other 10% of the time..>

So in parting if any of my words have hit close to home..THINK..just remember we all have a choice. Every time we open our mouths to speak..A wise woman once shared something with me. My exMominlaw. And she was already my exMominlaw when she taught me this valuable lesson. I was going “through” or trying to; a multitude of feelings of awfulness(for lack of a better word right now) after my divorce from her son. So she took me on a ride to Skid Row in Los Angeles. At first I was horrified! And made sure my door was locked because people were coming towards the car..then? She opened her window and starting handing out bills of money to them…One by one as they walked up to t he  car and every one of them knew her. But? It wasn’t just money she was handing out…to each person she said something lovely! About their beautiful smiles /bubbly laughter/lovely baby they were holding/or offered advice & suggestions. I had never seen anything like that in my life…I grew quiet as I watched the scene before my eyes. When we left she said…” I wanted you to see that your present situation isn’t near as bad as you think it is. I could’ve just told you; but showing you will impact you far more. And I always want you to spread joy even when you don’t feel like it..Let your big heart flow in your words to others..”

I’ve never forgotten that ride to Skid Row. I’ve never forgotten the smiles & smiles from the words my Mominlaw shared with the residents..Smiles from people who were living on the street in cardboard boxes! They had little yet they were still able to smile..I’m always amazed at the quick bounce-back flexibility of the human spirit! I’ve never forgotten the lesson she taught/showed me that day. And ever since then I’ve been letting the love inside flow with…words. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

**Psychographic Profile: West Coast Men VS East Coast Men**

Tags

blogging, Dating, East Coast, Jam on it, Love, Love relationship, Men, Monogamy, Newcleus, Psychographic, SEX, Singles, United States, West Coast, WordPress

My very first request-sort of challenge-dare to write a piece on a certain topic..Stemming from a comment I made on a fellow blogger’s page(and she has an awesome site here@NottakenNotavailable; which is listed on my faves list) Here is my best foot forward in meeting that challenge. Y’all  ready ? Get set. Diving in feet first…>

Disclaimer: Feeling a need to first give a shout OUT to all my Cali friends..Love & miss y’all!(xoxoxoxoxox) To my new East Coast friends mad regard & appreciation for y’all as well..You’ve made my transition far easier than I ever anticipated. But as I am nearing leaving my dating hiatus; there are a few highly discernible differences I’ve noticed in MEN from Coast 2 Coast..Best as I can I’ll be fair to both coasts. Lets rap>

Style of Dress: It’s no secret that I adore Cali; and I’m sure I always will. But without a doubt the MEN here; outdress those on the West Coast. Mayhaps its because shorts/T’s/sandals can be worn majority of the year on the West Coast(beautiful weather & NO rainy season) ; is the reason even business dress is more relaxed than the East Coast. And while I still highly appreciate seeing a ‘fyne brother wearing the heck! out of a nice pair of jeans & a T..there is NO substitute for a well dressed brother in a suit.(or shirt & tie)  OMG talk about a work of pure art. Moving quickly off that topic before I digress..>

Personality Characteristics: Though I’ve only lived on the East Coast for just shy of 2 years,  yikes time flew!, I think a fair sum UP of the personality types of men is true to the known stereotypes. West Coast men are far MORE laid back, free-flowing, casual, peaceful, healthier!  & liberal in their beliefs. Having said that I also personally found men on  the West Coast to also be more; consistent in every way. Which I dig ! and is mandatory in my book. And though its been said Southern men follow the unspoken & spoken rules of a gentleman; I’ve found that case to be much more true for brothers I met/knew/friended/married on the West Coast.  I could be wrong; but my sense of people is usually true to a T. East Coast men appear to stick to their stereotypical qualities such as unfriendly, prim, stressed the hell OUT(need to take a chill pill for real…a natural one of course ) ,UPtight, and conservative in their views & dress. And I know those sound like funky qualities but I mean them in a respectful way..Sorry guys if nothing else I’m going to keep it real & call it the way I see IT. Lets move off this topic before I piss off the male friends I’ve got here. ‘Lubs’ y’all I do!..>

Attitudes/Behaviors:I don’t even know where to start with this topic; the differences are MAJOR. Personally? I don’t think East Coast men dance enough! Nor laugh enough..maybe the stereotype , which I’ve found to be true, about West Coasters being happier ..is cause they dance, dance, dance and laugh ALOT. My first girls & only girls night out dancing here? OMG I’ve never EVA in all of my life experienced anything like it. Perhaps its the place we chose. Perhaps its because the large majority of guys there were much younger. Perhaps they just didn’t know how to dance! I’m trying to think of any excuse for it..BUT there we were a group of very attractive women wanting to dance with MEN. And yet? The majority of the time we danced as a group or with one another..I mean wtH? And one of my friends said thats the NORM here. I looked at her like she’d just spoke Greek to me..I thought and you still come out to dance? Might as well just invite the girls over & dance at home. And then!? Slowly guys started coming onto the dance floor just standing there; watching. I felt like a go-go dancer entertaining them. As IF. I love dancing; I mean I really LOVE to dance. And even if I have to IMPORT a man from the West Coast to marry ; there will be dancing and lots of it in my relationship. Never knew that was something to add to my ‘must-have-in-a-mate-list’. Jeeez and here I thought ALL brothers could dance…Can’t they? LOLLL Well they have up till I moved to this coast! There is something to be said about a man who can move on the dance floor..Enough said. Moving right along >

**I’m not finished yet..Truth hurts sometimes but here it is..**

I’ll be gentle BUT..My #1 pet peeve is ..When a person says something stand by your WORD. Say what you mean & mean what you say. I don’t know how to translate the language of I-might-if-I-think-I-can-and-if-I-run-into-scheduling-conflicts-I-will-let-U-know-after-the-fact. Nope! that doesn’t work for me. It might fly once or twice with me; but 3rd time around? You get tossed back into the pond with the rest of the fish. With the invention of cell phones/texts/emails there is NO reason a person can’t connect to re-schedule or cancel..I know cause I’ve done it. Cares less if you have to send a smoke signal or a message in a bottle..I must say this wasn’t ever an issue on the West Coast.>

Final Word: This piece was all in fun based on some true facts. I’m a great observer; probably because I’m a half-glass full type of person. I don’t miss much..All in all I’m pleased to say I’ve made several outstanding male friends here. Which is saying alot considering the short time I’ve lived here…One stands out among all the rest. Almost instantly became a trusted friend, confidant,  & mentor. Stays true to his word; every single time. And even juggling a schedule full of many balls IN the air; not once has he disappointed me in promised projects or ventures.  But then again he’s not originally from the East Coast…Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

****Rose Colored View****Beauty in the Struggle^For the life-loving-lovers

Tags

A Beautiful Life, Beauty, Good mood, Life, Love, Lovers, Positive attitude, Reality, Rose colored view

**The PRELUDE**

Herstory ..

From my front row seat the view is fabulously  splendid

Huefully rose-colored in more than one way

Once a wallflower yet now having my say

Skillfully I dance upon this tight rope called Life

Hanging ON when the clouds bring with them strife

Withstanding dark days with less & less protest

Stimulates growth

Gracefully aging and feeling the most; my best..

Yet

From then to here to say the least has been..long

In

The

Making

My spirit and voice now sing a SOULful song

No longer do I feel a need to belong

For I am free to be uniquely ME

At one with myself to just..Be

Knees buckle but still I stand back UP

Not half as easy as I make this look

Chaos in the world can’t shake my beliefs~

I have arrived

Life is a journey and not just a rat race

I

Am

Far more to me than just a pretty body & face

Scratch beneath the surface

Deeper..

I was reading up on an entirely different topic recently; when I ran across this one. Odd thing IS, I’ve been accused(and rightly so..) of viewing life through rose-colored glasses/always looking for the good in people/seeing things sunny side UP/viewing the glass as half-full and not half -empty..What folks don’t know; nor do I bother taking time to explain; is this wasn’t always the case. But truthfully? Life is so much better and fulfilling in this phase of my journey..Everydangday is a party; almost. Or rather close enough>

Digging deeper..—” A University of Toronto study provides the first direct evidence that our mood literally changes the way our visual system filters our perceptual experience suggesting that seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses is more biological reality than metaphor“…

In short, is your reality different than mine based on how you view things? Or is reality a concrete concept?>

“Good and bad moods literally change the way our visual cortex operates and how we see,” says Adam Anderson, a U of T professor of psychology.  “Specifically our study shows that when in a positive mood, our visual cortex takes in more information, while negative moods result in tunnel vision. The study appears in the Journal of Neuroscience.

The U of T team used functional magnetic resonance imaging to examine how our visual cortex processes sensory information when in good, bad, and neutral moods.  They found that donning the rose-coloured glasses of a good mood is less about the colour and more about the expansiveness of the view.”(Quotes taken from ScienceDaily.com)

Couldn’t this translate to not seeing things through rose-colored glasses means having a “narrow” view of things? Likewise folks who do see more of things & given situations? Whats the best view? Does the reality of the situation or the interpretation hold more weight? Haven’t studies also shown a positive attitude is good for overall health & well being? I think so because thats my reality; but I’m open to feedback on whats working for YOU..

 

^Speaking OUT for those who can’t/don’t/won’t..*Straight with NO sugar*

Tags

Abuse, Children, Domestic Violence, Escape, Fear, Lack of self esteem, Mental, Mental Abuse, Self esteem, Self Help, Support, Support circle, Therapy, Victim

I had no intention of writing on this topic. At all. Not now..and NOT for a while. I’m not ready to write about it. Or talk about IT. And then yesterday a friend of mine told me something SO horrific; that it rocked my very SOUL..When she shared it  I was able to honestly say ; I don’t know  anyone personally who that has happened to! …Then , later , on my way home my mind wouldn’t let it go…I began to think of the awful VIOLENCE in our country..Is it at an  all ALL time high?!? Or has there always been so many accounts of violence; but it didn’t hit close enough to home to affect me as it did today…..I couldn’t figure out WHY I couldn’t stop! thinking about a person who I had never    even    met. By time I got home I’d figured out why my mind wouldn’t let it go…My friend’s friend was a victim of VIOLENCE that she’d tried to get away from. I couldn’t mentally let it go because I’d once been a VICTIM of something horrific also. So awful that only a handful of people on earth know…so long ago backintheday. Yet, still fresh enough below the surface , because I was silenced…By my youth. By my pain. By my ignorance of what caused IT. By my shame. NO woman should be silenced by VIOLENCE. Silence is fuel that keeps it alive..**Warning: This topic isn’t for the squeamish**

^I’ve got to be honest; as is my style..All day long I tried to convince myself NOT to go forth with this piece tonight(because I know its going to take alot out of me emotionally to release this in such a public forum;this isn’t easy by far even  for me)..I lost that battle of weighing the reasons why I should vs. why I should not..So here I go. *deep breath* First things first. I am a Feminist. Exclamation point. Period.  Nope, that does NOT mean I hate men. Quite! the contrary. Just means I’m down for & in support of an equal playing field for women. And that still hasn’t come about totally; but that is another topic for another time>

I think I’ll try something different ..I’m going to attempt to paint a picture to better explain why I feel SO strongly about VIOLENCE against women..at this point might be the only way I’m going to be able to do this…

**Now, hold onto that thought for just one minute..that is my herstory of long ago..now onto the event my friend shared with me yesterday; that forced my mind(triggered)  to broach this topic & to speak OUT…

A few more stats on rape/sexual assaults on women in the U.S.=

More than 61.5% of rapes are never reported to law enforcement.(mine wasn’t)/Nearly 6 out of 10 happen at the victim’s home(my assailant broke into my parents home long ago..)/An American woman is 10 times more likely to be raped; than to die in a car crash(that is a deeeeep stat folks!)/61% of all rape victims are under the age of 18(I was only 17 & my chastity among other things was stolen..)/1 of every 7 women currently  in college has been raped; 9 out of 10 raped on campus won’t ever report it/Every 45 seconds someone in the U.S. is sexually assualted…Now on to the rest of the story..>

Yesterday a friend told me she’d just found one of her friends was murdered..I’d never had anyone I knew tell me anyone they knew had been murdered! I was horrified; and to make matters worse(as IF)..the murderer was her ESTRANGED husband. A man she had 6 children with..A man she’d left this state to get away from..A man she’d been trying to get away from…THIS is the stuff horror stories are made of; real life horror stories. Its no small  wonder why I don’t watch scary movies or cover my eyes if I happen to “try” to put on my big girl pants and watch one. There is NO need with all of the violent things happening ..Immediately into my mind popped UP a cazillion questions. WHY did she stay long enough with this type of person to have 6 children??? WHY did it take her so long to run?! WHY didn’t she speak out/scream OUT/run to the police?! Report IT? WHY didn’t her family rescue her & her children? Did she even tell her family? All of those questions reminded me of things I’d long dealt with emotionally & tucked away..though the invisible scars will never allow me to close my heart to hearing such atrocities..>

A few domestic violence stats=(of which I’ve never, ever been a victim of; but my unending compassion & heart goes out to anyone who has)

Every 9 seconds a woman in the U.S. is beaten or assaulted/Domestic violence is the LEADING cause of injury to women; more than car wrecks & muggings & rapes combined!(thats a heavy thought..)/Studies show that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually/92% of women listed reducing domestic violence & sexual assault as their top concern(OMG & wth? is going on???)/Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs(WOW)/Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup(THIS has got to STOP & is beyond insane)/Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends(more than 3 is far too MUCH..death is final..WHY can’t the man just accept its OVER and divorce or walk away?? )

**The concept of ‘I can’t have you ; so NO ONE else will’ is something many a woman has heard before..BUT in one’s wildest nightmares you’d not imagine that meant he’d kill you..Truth IS for a man to even utter those words OR to threaten a woman is totally! unacceptable..Women have got to learn the signs of a person who is capable of such things. Personally? I don’t stick around long, at all!, by a person who escalates quickly in anger..BIG red flag ladies & instant deal-breaker..RUN before it even gets to a point of dating; and IF you’re truly lucky his true colors will show that early. RUN. No one can change anyone; which is a big mistake alot of women think or feel. It takes a lifetime for some of us to change things we’re perfecting ourselves..So how in the heck can anyone change someone else?!? You can’t is the answer..Great self esteem is a key factor in all of this..or least thats the way I see it. A woman who has good self esteem will simply NOT accept abusive behavior. And for the record  women a controlling or jealous man is NOT cute. It is a sign of far more potentially dangerous things..RUN. Walking or running; might just save your life. I can only pray anything I shared here tonight helps/saves someone. Sharing is caring & I care. Deeply. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

******Erotic Word Illusion*****

Tags

Erotic, Illusion, Imagination, Kedo's original poetry, Lyrical Lovers Poetry Lounge, Poetry, SEX, Sexy, Spoken Word, Temptation, Word play, WordPress, WP Longform, ~Poetry A Berna Original~

This is my response to Kedo’s last piece@ “Or close to 20″ ..

~~~~Erotic Word Illusion~~~~by Berna *She Said*>

Its just a phonetic Illusion..

Your penned expertise is pushing me to excel beyond my skills’ limitations

All the while my hearts’ beating to the erotic word illusion;causing palpitations

But I digress..yet, I  swear I can smell the scent of your manliness

And

It

Smells

Like

Heaven

 

Flashbacks swirling through my mind of my hands clenching the sheets

Gooood grief I can’t control these mental  images nor my racing heartbeat

Its been far, far!  too long and my body is ready to sing its loveliest song

How ever could having my “bell”  sweetly rung be not right or even wrong?

Close

2

20

Won’t

B

Enough

Times

Rhymes meeting rhymes in place of erotic physical cravings…desire

 

*sigh*

When all I really want to do is take U higher & higher! & higher

To a ecstatic ! place you’ve never ever thought of being before

My silent promise is you’ll never yearn for anything else or more

You won’t be able to keep count of the multiple ways

You’ll lose track of moments, years and certainly days

There

Will

Only

B

Me

One in a million and well worth the wait..the perfect find

If I set my mind to it? My mission will B to make you mine

Just know I only play for keeps..

OPEN Doors*What Glitters Has Just as Much Chance of Being Gold as NOT*Walking in..>

Tags

Beautiful Life, Family, Fresh start, God, Grace, Life journey, New beginnings, Opportunity, Personal Evolvement, Second chances, WordPress, WP Longform

May 18, 2013..A door is opening for me..All of my being is in anticipation..The butterflies in my tummy are going wild! To say I am excited!  is an; understatement. Are you ready when doors OPEN in your life? Do you recognize when a door is opening?(and quite often when another closes..) I am ready. Are U? I feel like the little girl in this picture..floodgate of thoughts/sensations/emotions are flowing through my mind/my spirit/my BEing. Not sure if I can express this better poetically or written verse; all I know is I’m going to let it flow..

Remember the moment or time frame in your life; when you realized you were truly grown? When you realized you’re now officially part of the “elder” group; the group the ‘young folks’ look UP to? Actually listen to?!? And if you’re really fortunate /blessed tell you they admire you? That moment in time for me is .. here & now. Funny thing about is just the other day , after I told someone my latest good news, they actually said to me.”Awwwww you’re allll grown UP now!>

In all honesty I’m not talking about just grown UP regarding age..For we all know some really old grown fools, right? What I’m speaking on is deeper than that..personal evolution. Inner revolution in short means IF you don’t like something about your life, don’t blame anyone else or life’s pitfalls, just dig deeeep within yourself to change IT. Sounds simple enough , right? It isn’t; but I can attest to the fact it can be done. Even when you’re knocking on 50′s door…I wish I could bottle this feeling/experience up and share it with the world..>

We’ve got options when doors are slammed in our face..a. Fall apart b. Cry alot c. Complain alot d. Fall apart! e. Blame it on the system/the infamous “they” /or whoever.. f. be patient until another door opens (OMG thats difficult sometimes..) About 21 months ago I had so many doors closing that I began to take it personal..I wasn’t used to rejection; honestly? I’m still not used to rejection. But  with jobs in the housing market drying up rapidly; rejection became quite the norm. A drastic change was eminent. I walked through a new door; one that I traveled cross country to walk through. It was the most difficult decision I’ve made in my entire life. The result? I’ve become a believer in miracles..>

I won’t waste keystrokes explaining each detail of the past 21 months..But I will say this. When doors open; they open wide. And I mean wide. You just have to recognize it; and quickly walk through the door before it closes. Use discernment(& alot of prayer works for me) & just do IT. I no longer feel that anything is impossible. For I’ve seen impossible things happen..mainly because I believed they would happen! And of course because my GOD’s hand is so very much in my life..Undeniably so. Almost everything in my life right now is brand new. Built of course on a sturdy foundation; but sort of re-modeled! I can’t think of any other way to express it. Digging deep to even try. I probably should’ve written this out poetically…Simply said next month I’m entering a new phase of my life. Brand new surroundings/brand new stuff!/Brand new car/Awesome brand new career/Brand new friends, extended family of friends/Brand new titles/community involvement..and I can  hardly contain my excitement. My cup is over-flowing with joy..I am ready. Certainly if it can happen to me, especially at almost 50, lol! (OMG its so close now) , then it can happen to & for anyone. YOU’VE just go to believe that it can. (whatever it is that you desire..)  My next project?  A brand new man, my last “the one” man. Finding & making time for a social life…because guess what I’m betting my next big good news will BE? THAT I’M NO LONGER SINGLE(though I’m not complaining for the self-inflicted  single time has been good for me & to me)..so making time for that is a must. Soon, very! soon. I am ready to be part of the love-union that I was born to be in..  Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

^It IS Fist PUMP Friday^ No News Like Good News*Spirit of a Woman*>

Tags

Catholic, FAITH, Good news, Hospital, Spirit of a Woman, Strength of a woman, Surgery, Women Rock!, WordPress, WP Longforms

Aren’t we ALL ready for some good news? Well, good news is always welcome here..and Fist PUMP Friday has finally arrived. Good news is just a couple keystrokes away..

There are 4 women in my life, they shall remain nameless for this post , whose strength has added strength to my spirit. Their spirits wavered only briefly..like a flicker of a flame..as they quickly bounced back(& steady continual recovery from physical ailment/surgery. What they probably don’t know is how their personal victories; warm many hearts >

For the woman who is a Mother figure to me ; but doesn’t know it..To see you in Mass this past Sunday was an AMAZING pleasant surprise..Your many weeks in recovery/chemo/rest/more chemo/radiation treatments; have been weeks of much silent & open prayer from me and your/our church. You’ve touched MANY and you’ve given many a strong, picture of what true FAITH looks like …Your strength easily equals the strength of 10. Your grace & essence personify beauty. You’ve taught me  with no formal  written lesson plan. >

For the woman in my life who just had recent ‘major’ surgery..Your courage is beyond admirable..As yet another Mother figure to me; you reign high on my list! I know sooner than soon; we WILL dance & dance & dance & dance..your spirit is one of the warmest I’ve ever encountered. Likewise your outer & inner beauty. Forever one of my fave people in the world..

To my sister from another Mother..It was a pleasure to share my parents with you for your week plus some recovering..You bounced back so quickly after surgery; amazed us all! Your never-wavering  strength & silence of your own fears of surgery; only deepened my level of respect for you. Endless regard, highest esteem, and mad love for ya. You rock!

Majority of days after drinking my veggie green smoothie “yuck!” monster drink..I am beyond ready for real food. (I still can’t believe that hospital cafeteria closed at 630p.m. wth??) There aren’t too many people I’d starve for, for what seemed like hours!, LOL, to wait for your test results. Just had to see you that night..and the smile on your face when you saw me waiting in your hospital room? PRICELESS and made me forget my hunger pains & the ache in my feet from wearing heels all day at work..I’m very happy your stay was a false alarm. Yay! Yay! Yeaaaaaa>

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed..And I hope your upcoming week is full of fist-pump moments! 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

>>>>>>I THINK<<<<<<<*Why DO people snap??

Tags

Basic Human Rights, civil rights, Deep thoughts, Life, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mental stability, Ponder, Questions, Realm of possiblity, Soulmate, THINK, Wonder, WordPress, WP Longform

ALERT***Soul searching topic**..I wasn’t going to blog about the Boston Marathon bombing incident..Now I can’t not blog about it..A situational question that I feel is begging to be answered is WHY? WHY do people SNAP and do irrational, spur of the moment, INSANE, UNprovoked,  harmful(& potentially harmful)  things towards other people? WHY do these incidents appear to be happening more often?  EVERYWHERE and NO where is safe anymore…>

Disclaimer 1st=** The above picture(mental illness picture)  I used is NOT how I feel about this topic. Its simply a picture I found to illustrate some of the popular thoughts out there on this subject matter. If you’re an American living in America..You’ve heard it also. Moving right along..

Can you answer these questions honestly? Do you feel completely safe anymore : At the movie theater? Dropping your little ones off to school? Sending your teens off to a college campus? Walking into an airport? DRIVING with unsafe drivers who drive while texting/on their cell/putting on makeup/simply distracted mentally/driving while INSANE/driving while drinking/driving while all drugged up? Participating in a marathon? Breaking OFF a potential relationship with someone? Having a minor disagreement with someone over trivial matters? Looking at the wrong person the wrong way?(WTH?) Do you feel completely safe just minding your own business-breathing-living your life to the fullest? >

Isn’t feeling  safe a basic  human right? What happens when that human right; crashes into another person’s human right to BE..mentally unstable?>

Little by little we’re losing what once were BASIC entitlements of living life in a so called FREE country…What is so free about not feeling safe in all of the aforementioned places? Pretty much EVERYwhere except for home. Home *sweet* Home. I can’t lie most days I am on a mission to just get home to relax..So I can exhale AFTER driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic or in backed up traffic..all I can think about is GOD please just let me get home. I just want to LIVE to see another day..people riding my fanny(bumper), people NOT paying attention, people speeding, and today? I won’t even mention today’s driving fiasco; I’m just glad to be ALIVE.

We all know life isn’t always fair..The people who were killed & injured in the recent Boston Marathon bombings came to realize just how true that is..Why weren’t they safe that day? Why aren’t we outraged that OUR safety is being snipped away , daily, and not even slowly anymore..Its happening more & more frequently. We’re not even over the Sandy Hook shootings & now this..Is our new reality to become that we aren’t safe anywhere? Have we become so desensitized that this has become NORMAL? Outrage for a quick minute & then back to our daily grind from week to week…WHY aren’t more people wanting to know WHY? Is it that  parents are  raising monsters? Or LACK of raising children with love ? Or is it letting VIOLENT video games babysit children causing violent grown UP people? What causes otherwise normal looking /acting people to just SNAP? Or were there signs/symptoms all along of mental illness that went ignored? What ARE the signs? WHY aren’t more people asking the question, WHY? I don’t have even half the answers; but I do have a strong desire to feel SAFE. I’ve lived in cities backintheday you could sleep with your front door unlocked/windows down..I’d like that safety net back again. Basic human rights are worth fighting for,yours & mine, aren’t they?

~~WHEN..~~standing ~~STILL~~is not an option>

Tags

Life forces, Momentum, Motivation, Self motivation, Self progression, WordPress blogging

**Background & credits**..So the other night I was reading a fellow blogger’s blog site(he’s an Ordained Minister/Life Coach/Business Coach, etc..)..He’s on my fave WordPress reading  list @Johnnywalkerco.wordpress.com..And as he was explaining what a Life/Business Coach IS; he asked 2 questions..^1. Looking back a year AGO, are you better off in the following areas? *Professionally. *Financially*Spiritually*Relationally*Physically^2. And if you answered NO to any, would you like to be better off a year from now?..Well I instantly considered each & every area personally & my answers surprised me>

Oddly enough I hadn’t STOPPED long enough this past year; to even ponder over that question..But, without a doubt & with utmost honesty, my answer is YES..I am better off in every one of those areas. Going to save myself some finger strokes & ya’ll some reading time; you’ll have to trust me on this one. (although I could explain INdepth how my life has improved in all of those areas) The bigger question though IS; has YOURS? And if not; do you want it to? Next question..what are YOU waiting for? Lets rap..>

Mayhaps I’ve got an unfair advantage here..I’ve had some extreme motivating factors to improve on every, single facet of my life this past year..Numero Uno reason? I’m on the precipice of turning 50 years old(its so close I can reach out & touch IT) and I am determined! to be as much of the ALL I can BE by 50 yrs of age. Its highly personal..half a century old I figure is long enough to have reached a certain point. My second reason? I moved cross country & left alot behind to reach my UTOPIA. My forever happily ever after..Pretty much since my feet hit East Coast ground; I’ve been on the move. Not letting any grass grow under my feet(but I did plant my Daddy a lovely garden lol! ) to build UP ..Me. Haven’t ya’ll discovered we often need motivating factors to push us to do the max? Whether its a promotion we’re striving for. Whether its a significant other’s heart we’re trying to win over. Whether its a sport we’re trying to get a trophy competing for.  Whether its an A in an academic subject we find challenging.  The list goes on & on…So again, the question IS ‘Looking back a year AGO, are YOU better off in the aforementioned areas? And if NOT, what are you prepared to do to improve in those areas? >

I’ve become a firm believer that there is NO time like the present..My worst fear? To not become all I can BE..I personally know I’m not at my max; yet. I’m close, lol. But I’ve still got a couple more balls I think I can add to my juggling act..Are you doing all that YOU could be doing to reach your God given life purpose? Or perhaps one needs to ask themselves ‘What purpose am I serving? or want to serve? If you’re not UP to your own standard of what that is; then its time to work on improving those areas. Brick by brick it can be done..the first step is the hardest. But I can personally promise ya’ll it gets easier & you get a forward momentum!   Or least thats the way I see IT. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

Calling out all good women of VIRTUE..last of a dying breed?

Tags

Church family, Daughter, Family, Learning from life experiences, Life, Love, Mentor, Mother, Parent, Self esteem, Women, Women of Virtue, WordPress

I first feel a need to have a disclaimer for this topic..Don’t want to ruffle any feathers. I know many women of VIRTUE; or least what I define virtue as. My Mom is one. She is THE one that I gauge all others from; tough shoes to fill indeed! Especially for me; her only daughter>

Nevertheless as I reflect about  young girls(& women)  I see out & about; its become clear to me many have forgotten, or worse! mayhaps never knew, what true beauty is. It has nothing to do with being beautiful. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with what one owns or can acquire. It honestly has nothing to do with being sexy OR having SEX OR being celibate.. It has nothing to do with going to church every Sunday>

So one might ask what is my definition of a woman of VIRTUE? I thought you’d never ask>

This, to me, is the make-up of a virtuous woman>

SHE has a sincere desire & dedication to the growth of others..She voluntarily helps others WIN.

SHE moves, acts, thinks with  a positive & distinct purpose.

SHE has a genuine warmth & love for herself..which can’t help but flow to others.

SHE touches whoever she encounters with kindness and encouraging words. Negativity just isn’t her thing..nor idle gossip for she knows gossip of others is like raping their spirit.

SHE sees with her heart to meet & often exceed the needs of the moment.

SHE is a woman of vision..she uses her skills & imagination to see the tomorrows beyond today. Building UP brick by brick.

Mothers Day is quickly approaching..That fact is what actually brought this topic to mind..As I marvel at the woman that is my own Mother. My Mama! I’ve been known to say, quite often, IF I could be half the woman my mother IS..then I’d be as hellified as I already think I am. As I look around at some of the young women coming up behind me; I realize!, how awfully BLESSED  I am to have the Mother I have. For, how can a woman even begin to half-ass attempt to BE a virtuous woman..IF she has no example to mimic? Or to even aspire/strive! to emulate. Being that it IS a given that little girls learn from their Mothers; what to do when their Mother example is piss-poor? Or so strung out from drugs that she can hardly tend to her children? Or what about working so many hours just to feed/clothe/provide shelter for so called FATHERLESS children..that she can barely tend to her own needs let alone think of being virtuous. I can certainly understand how some women can be ‘bitter’ & fed UP & ready to give UP. As happenstance & circumstance I too could’ve been that type of woman>

I’ve been a victim of a ‘situation’ or happening; that could make a grown man openly weep..Which then caused me to feel emotionally “bankrupt”. And when a person feels like that they may as well be dead..or least that is what they begin to think . But for the grace of a mighty GOD; I woke UP. One day I just simply decided to stop living on the , fringe of happiness. I tired of being a victim, simply because I had been a victim, and decided I was NOT going to let anyone nor anything steal my JOY. And with every ounce of my being..I meant that. It is my sincere desire to express to ANY young woman this sentiment. YOU are special. YOU can do anything your heart desires. YOU deserve to be happy. YOU were created by a GOD that loves you more than you can fathom. YOU possess a uniqueness that only YOU can share with the world. YOU are strong enough to band-aid your scraped knees(from falling) & RISE above any expectation you even have for yourself..YOU are a loved child of GOD as such nothing is impossible. YOU can be your own worst enemy or your very own best friend. Choosing the latter is a very conscious & worth while effort. Exclamation point. Period>

I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that gave me life..I’m so thankful for the women of virtue that mentor me spiritually(you both know who you are..) I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’ve called my BFF for 27 yrs..I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue that is my new GOD Mom..I’m so thankful for the 2 women of virtue who are my exMom & exSisinLaw. I’m so thankful for the woman of virtue I’m fortunate to call my Boss. I’m so thankful for the many women of virtue in my Church Family. I’m so thankful for the women of virtue who are my Aunts/cousins/& multitude of friends from Coast 2 Coast. I’m so thankful my GOD loved me! so much to have put you in my life journey..And this Mothers Day? I’d like all of you to promise one thing. Reach out and mentor a young girl that needs guidance…think of the impact that could make on a life. Just like mine…Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only!)

Now that IS cause for a FIST BUMP..good news at long last^ Fist Bump Moments..

Tags

California, Celebrate, Chile, D.C., Daily blogging, Dedication, Determination, Doctorate, Education, Family, Fist bump, Good news, Heartwarming stories, Higher Education, Ireland, Love, Michigan, PHD, Positive news, Son, South Africa, UPlifting news, WordPress

Not sure about ya’ll ; but my spirit has tired of hearing ONLY bad news. Why come good news doesn’t cover the front pages of newspapers? In light of all the awful, shocking! news..don’t we need to read/see news that warms our hearts from time 2 time? How about more often than not? Doesn’t sell papers nor fuel reality shows though..So this spot will be reserved for the many ‘fist bump moments’ ..they don’t get half the attention(our attention..) that they deserve>

**I woke UP this morning with several ‘fist bump’ topics on my mind..Trying to figure out which was the best to properly get this category opened..I had no intention of making it personal..And then epiphany! Why the heck not? It is after all my style to make things; personal. In a world filled with images & beliefs! that collecting material objects & wealth matters more than things that warm the heart..I refuse! to live that type of life. And so with that said I recently got FABULOUS news..It couldn’t be more personal. Hang onto your hats & wigs here I go>

~~It is official! My eldest son will receive his Doctorate, yep PHD(on a FULL academic fellowship), May 2, 2014..Not quite sure if even my penned words can fully capture the thoughts in my head & certainly my heart. But I’m going to try with all my might to break this down..This is the way I see IT>

What a journey, an awesome ride its been..From inside the womb YOU changed my life. Instantly. And since then? Your positive  words/your presence/your essence/your helping hand to the generation behind you/Your scholastic outreach to people of color/Your research in higher education/Your LOVE..has touched, changed, helped!, others and now? You’ll change the world progressively>

For all the times you were told what you couldn’t DO/For all the financial sacrifice over the years!/For all the times you watched friends marry &  have children/For all the times you wondered the many IFs you stopped at your Masters/For all the times you had NO family to talk to for guidance who already had their PHD/For all the times you just wanted to be doing other things besides studying/For all the times you traveled to places for research ..D.C., Cali, Ireland, South Africa, Chile, etc..and longed to be HOME/For all the times you missed your family yet couldn’t afford to get over-emotional about it/For all the times you faced the bitter cold in Michigan winters..YOU SURVIVED, you did IT..and your Momma couldn’t be any more prouder of you than I am and will always BE. I knew , always knew, you would do it..>

Forever humble & always keeping it REAL you’ve managed to do it all..Total well-rounded person..When next I see you I’ve got the worlds biggest hug, tons of kisses on your cheeks, heck of a lot of big kool-aid smiles, plenty of uncontrollable tears of joy and a FIST BUMP reserved just for son & Momma. GO Christopher & GO BLUE(I’m bringing my gold/blue pompoms!)

 

>>>ShirtLESS Eye CANDY Friday>>>

Tags

Bald, black men, Eye candy, FINE as all get out, HOT men, Mmmmmm, Sexy, Slice of heaven

This is THE Tyson Beckford…The oh! so perfect way to kick off a shirtless eye candy Friday..OMG one of the wonders of the WORLD..At 42 years of age he truly is a sight..Without a doubt eye candy & once again shows that Black don’t CRACK..I believe in taking care of one’s body and aging gracefully too..I’m so happy that Tyson has, does & hopefully always will take care of that body..Lawd! There ought to be a law against looking that GOOD.A work of art for sure! >

So the secret is OUT..I like ‘em Big & tall(least 6 ft..I’m 5’4 I want to look UP so far I get an ache in my neck looking up at my man) BLACK, Bald, HOT , confident, Bold, Driven, Funny!, SMART, and yep, fit ! But enough of the surface talk..back to shirtless eye candy Friday>

*sigh* Needs no introduction. Shemar. Shemar! OMG Shemar..I won’t get started talking about this slice of Heavenly wonder; or I won’t be able to stop>

!!!! ..thats what I think about him>

You’ve got ALOT to be smiling about Will..SMILE my brother smile!>

Ahhh well I cheated a little bit on my 1st ever shirtless eye candy Friday..BUT no HOT line UP would be complete without Denzel..WOW..Even with clothes on he STILL rocks it..Just like a fyneeeee wine it only gets better with time. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

 

*Wish IT* Dream IT*Do IT* BE Innovative..

Tags

BE encouraged, Create, Dream, Motivational, Self confidence, THINK, Wish, World changer

>WISH it..

iJust think of how very different communication would be if..Leonard Kleinrock hadn’t wished something wild & NEW? A novel idea that NO one before him put down on paper. Folks probably thought he was crazy to even think of it. Folks probably told him it couldn’t be done in a million years! And yet look  at how the Internet has grown from 1961 to 2013..It all began  with a wish in the head of Kleinrock. A wish that has changed the entire WORLD. It began when he penned ‘Information Flow in Communication Nets’ in 1961..Even I’d not yet been born! But from the wish of Kleinrock that is when the Internet was born. WOW. Aren’t you glad he dared to wish & dream? >

>DREAM it..

What IF Alexander Graham Bell hadn’t dreamed? I’m more than sure folks that he had LOST his mind ; when he first introduced his idea. Think of how very different our lives would be without our cell phones?!? OMG I feel naked if I even think of walking out the front door without mine..Most days if I know where nothing else IS; I know where my cell phone is. Far more that I, we, do on cell phones than just talk. But aren’t we all thankful Bell acted on his dream? What IF he had let his doubts overshadow his vision? (or all of the naysayers doubts) When I think of such things from that perspective..it makes me THINK & reflect on wishes/ideas/dreams that I have>

To be driven & motivated to do anything..isn’t always easy. Some of us just thrive on creativity! Even something as simple as creating a blog site/with one’s own ideas; and to keep it going isn’t always as SIMPLE as it looks. But I’m in a phase of life that I strongly believe; nothing is impossible. If we can dream IT; it can be done. Wishes DO come true..There are things that can be accomplished withOUT a set of directions to do so. Folks that are afraid of failure; are human. Those that dare to push past those fears become..innovators.>

Many that have accomplished giving life to their dreams; failed many times before it came to fruition! One only has to google up such folks as Disney, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, even Karl Benz..the list goes on & on. But one of the beautiful things in this life; is the chance for 2nd chances. The opportunities to live one’s dreams these days is limitless..but one first has to believe in their own capabilities. WE only get one shot at this life..Live IT. Wish IT. Dream IT. Do IT.>

**Got Friends?**

Tags

Friends, Friends by ASSociation, keeping it real, Loyalty, Relationships, True friendship

I wrote on this topic a couple years back on a site that I was a group moderator..Time to pull it off the shelf and give it new life..I’ve got more friends than I can count on my fingers & toes(several times..) ; so this won’t be about NOT  having friends. Quite the opposite -N- more than likely not what you expect…

Background: I’ve never been the type of person to dislike someone; based on another’s lack of a recommendation of someone.  I’m a  hands-on being in most everything I do or am involved IN. Meaning simply I learn & experience by doing things/experiencing myself…It is my way. I don’t believe in ASSociating folks with who they associate with either. Personally, I’ve lived such a colorful life; and I know we can have an array of friends with different /unique personalities and lifestyles. I’ve been known to say my friends can have other friends; and I’m SO cool with that! Never have I been one, not even back in grade school when others were tripping on such things..to feel envy cause a friend spent time with other..friends.  Now that I’ve laid that background down; allow me to dig a bit deeper>

“In the FIRST half of life WE are pre-occupied with establishing our identity-climbing/achieving/performing. BUT those concerns will not serve us as we grow older and begin to embark on a further journey..One that involves challenges, mistakes , broader horizons, and necessary suffering that actually SHOCKS us out of our prior comfort zone. Eventually we need to SEE ourselves in a different and more life-GIVING way. This message of “falling down”..is in fact moving UPward..is the most RESISTED and counterintuitive of messages in the world’s religions, including and most especially Christianity”> I hope anyone reading this lets those words sink in for a minute..This direct quote comes from a book I read  a while back called ,”Falling Upward” by Richard Rohr. Prior to even reading the book I’d adopted this mode of thinking. I believe in and am living this out loud..a very good friend , that I highly respect, recommended I read the book. How did she know I’d benefit from reading the book? Did she know this was the phase of life I was in? How do people we “connect” with really SEE us? Do our friends view us as we ARE? Do they hear what we are saying , even when we do not say a WORD?

I’ve always had a lot of friends..There are NOT many people I encounter that I can’t find some “commonallity ” with. I can walk into a ROOM of strangers; and within minutes be totally engaged in a conversation. It is my way..folks just seem to be comfy talking to me. A friend of mine once said it is as IF you’ve got a sign on your forehead that says”Talk to ME” Whether I’m in a grocery store, pumping gas, video store(they used to exist..), the movies, the park, work , church, the Mall..I love, really dig! PEOPLE. I adore the many different things about us; that link us together. And yet, I realize that most of the time people only SHOW you a small fraction of who they are! My question that just begs to be asked is..WHY? Fear mayhaps of not being accepted? Not being interesting enough? Could that possibly be why in a social setting folks drink to engage? Ever heard the saying “She/He is the life of the party”? I am comfy being that in my OWN skin. Totally 100% sober..ALL the time. I recently told someone, this is ME..I won’t apologize for who I am. Nor will I CHANGE who I am to conform to what you want me to be…I think often times people want to BELONG so badly; they try to change themselves to fit IN..Shouldn’t it be the opposite though ? IF we are meant to fit; shouldn’t it be that we’ve revealed(to the max of our abilities) who we truly are? Otherwise when the real us or YOU does slip out(and this always happens..) ; there is a sense of disappointment or the connection will fall apart…

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AFRAID OF SAYING WHAT THEY REALLY FEEL? AFRAID OF HURTING PEOPLE’S FEELINGS..WHEN , HONESTLY, I FIND IT QUITE FAKE! TO LIE TO SOMEONE JUST TO NOT HURT THEM…That is the phase of life I’m in and quite UNapologetically. I will not fake who I am nor what I want to say; to make anyone feel better about themselves. Why should we? Nor do I think anyone else should…I’m not saying purposely hurt people’s feelings..That simply isn’t in my heart to do that. What I’m saying is being anything other than TRUE to one’s self; is FAKE. And I don’t have time for fakeness, B.S.!, or drama. I make that very clear from jump street. I don’t bring it nor do I accept it. And those that I call friends know this ; and they’re REAL also. Like -minded folks hang together & are drawn 2gether..like birds of a feather>

Real Talk..Until recently I’d not met but 1 person in my life; that I just couldn’t find much common ground with. Now I’ve met TWO..in almost 50 yrs of age..and thats saying alot…(only 2!)  And there aren’t many people , even folks who just don’t smile alot(which i DO ), that I just don’t care to be AROUND..But this recently happened to me & though it hurt me to step off from them(because I’m a Christian) ; it got to a point that my spirit! felt awful in their company. And I listen to my inner-being, my spirit, more than I listen to any living soul on this planet. Never has my spirit led me wrong, EVER, ..if one can’t be true to themselves..they can fall for anything. Having said all of that “the experience” of having met this person taught me a valuable lesson..WE have to know when to let go of things including people in our lives. It isn’t an easy thing to do sometimes; but it IS essential . Or that is the way I see IT>

When I call someone a friend…That is more than a saying to me. I think the term “friend” is used loosely these days. Friend a person on FB…as IF one can read a person without seeing them. I’m an intuitive person by nature; I feel a person NOT just by “what” they say; but their body language also. My belief is say what you mean & mean what you say. It is what I practice and I don’t accept anything less from those I share time & space with. Actually, truthfully!, IF I feel a person’s actions aren’t in line with what they SAY, they’d not be someone I call friend. Hope that makes as much sense to ya’ll..as it does to me. With true friends we’re never alone in ANY situation. Real talk for real. But also it takes BEing a friend; to have friends. Its a 2 way street. In my heart of hearts every stranger I encounter; could be a potential new friend! That is how easy I’ve had it with getting to know people…and I love IT. I’m a people-loving social butterfly. IF we were meant to survive alone, exist alone!, we’d have been created on islands by ourselves. Or so I believe. Less time is wasted though if we just have the courage; to be who we ARE. Not just a fraction of a person…Don’t sell yourself short. A VERY good friend of mine(My Cali Black Prince) taught me that..The reason why? How do we know the part of US we aren’t revealing; is what another person needs to connect with? >

Every day is a brand NEW start..I leap! literally (gives me a head-rush sometimes but I do…) out of bed feeling that. New people to meet! New people to talk & connect with! New things to learn! New parts of our life experience to share..Life is enriched by our loved ones, our FRIENDS, and our significant others. Make it a beautiful day. I know I will. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

“or close to 20″ Creatively expressed by Kedo to Berna>>>

Tags

Creative romance, Floetry, Natural sensuality, Poetic expressions, Poetry, Romance, Sensual poems

“or close to 20″ by Kedo *He Said*>

20 would be the amount of times I would make love to you each month

19 would be the amount of times I would cook for you each month

18 would be the amount of times we take romantic walks

17 would be the amount of times we would take baths together each year

16 would be the amount of times I would oil your feet

15 would be the amount of times I would massage your beautiful body

14 would be the amount of times I would bring you flowers each month

13 would be the amount of times I would take you out on the town each month

12 would be the amount of times I would sit and stare at you in your sleep

11 would be the amount of times we would kiss at the park

10 would be the amount of times we take trips  a year

9 would be the amount of times we share a candle light dinner

8 would be the amount of times you would have breakfast in bed each month

7 would be the amount of times I would take you to lunch each month

6 would be the amount of times we have movie night

5 would be the amount of times you would have a surprise waiting for you after work every year

4 would be the amount of times  we take off from work to make love all day

3 would be the amount of times I tell you I love you each day

2 would be the amount of times we honey moon after our marriage

1 is what we would become if you say I do…

*U…* by Berna so SHE said>

..Keep signing your name on my heart with your words

I am sincerely scared of this feeling

Have 2 catch myself from free-falling behind your verbs

My head is practically reeling

Resistance is getting harder by the day

Trying with all my might!

Let me see if I can count the many ways..

That your words  meeting mine has me; perturbed!

1 is the warm glow I feel when I see your smile

2 is the realization I want to bask in IT for a while

3 is the way U make me laugh & laugh & laugh

4  are the erotic thoughts I have of us in a bubble bath

5 is the way I instantly feel when your eyes meet mine

6 is the way my body tingles in your ‘sunshine’

7 is the way you’ve sneakily crept into my dreams

8 is because I know things aren’t always what it seems..

2

B

My heart is looking for a place to take shelter

Away from your words/smile/touch that melts..

My resistance

I know I am stronger than I look

But ..

You seem to be reading me like a good book

 

I am sincerely scared of this feeling..

*****I’m Just Saying…*****What The Rest of Ya’ll Thought But Didn’t Say^

Tags

blogging, Experiences, Just for fun, Just say NO, Laughter, Life, WordPress

Ever thought something & WISH you could say it? But the timing was off? OR better yet, U didn’t think about it until you walked away? Its time to sound OFF and let it flow from celebrities to politics..This is the way I see IT>

Starting off the top of my pet peeve list is…WHY do Americans have SUCH a fascination for NON-TALENTED folks? Enough so to make them into filthy-rich celebrities! From Sarah Palin to the Kardashians..OMG, when did the word socialite become a nice word for ‘whore’?!? How do you go from being part of a leaked out SEX video to becoming a news flash almost every , single day? I’m not even a big T.V. watcher; but I’m SO tired of seeing the Kardashians faces when I pull up my browser. I have no use for their trashy looking clothes line, their sex sweat smelling perfume, their heavy caked-on make-up line, their boring, drab reality show…I mean they can’t even act! How in the world do they end up hawking all these products? Shouldn’t the prerequisite for being a celebrity be having a TALENT? Lawd! I’m just getting started>

Talk about double standards..Lindsay Lohan has made a complete mockery of Cali’s 3 strike rule..Law even! If a Sista had even thought! about pulling half the stunts Ms Lohan has; she’d be tossed UNDER the prison. A home-monitoring bracelot? Pfft! As IF..Lindsay is a prime poster child for someone crying out LOUD for help; and the system? Has bowed down to a pretty blonde face..not cool, not right, and not a good example for the rest of today’s generation. Laws should apply , rightfully, to everyone..No matter how pretty or rich..The sad thing is she has more than enough money to get what poor folks with addiction issues can’t afford=great counseling at a live in rehab. No shame in having an addiction problem; but shame on Lindsay for not womaning-UP and seeking help. *smh*(shaking my head)

Where to even begin with this joke of the century? Can’t really blame her though; our country SUNK to a whole new level to let this one slip through the cracks..Turned us all into a complete laughing stock for ALL other countries.Jeeeeeez. Every time I think about it I still can’t believe IT..For those folks out there who talked smack about the way things are; yet didn’t VOTE. *slapping forehead* You’ve NO right to whine about any of it; so just sit back and hush! For those that VOTED for this ‘sad excuse for a so -called-quitter-politician’ WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Thankfully folks had their heads out of the sand, woke UP, and handled business this last time at the polls..And please my people NO more voting-by-hormones & lets promise to always use our brains instead. Alright, enough said on that topic. (don’t want to give her more keystrokes than she deserves) Moving right along. Ready?>

IF you’ve got a child whose is over 18 yrs old; yet under 26 yrs old/in college fulltime & needs health insurance due to only working part-time (my hand raised I’ve got 2 of them..) then say thank you to the Obama administration…I’ve dubbed this Administration the “right NOW” administration! Why? Because for once instead of waiting years & years after a term is over; this President is somehow! getting things accomplished right NOW. And, mind you, that’s with a steady flow of opposition; to..well..everything! Ever heard of any crap like that? The repugnants are opting to err on the side of retarded..oppose everything. Just because it is President Obama sitting in the TOP seat. I mean don’t folks realize that means even the GOOD stuff ; they’re opposing it?! *smdh* Whether YOU could benefit from it or not; BOLD indeed…IF you’ve got college loans to pay off; you’ve now got longer to do so. IF you were a victim of the housing crisis fallOUT; there are many programs to help you stay in your house. Foreclosure counseling , at NO cost, to help you to re-modify your home loan. Provided courtesy of the Obama administration. And the list goes on & on & on…

I once worked with a woman who worked a 2nd job; just to support her son’s ‘habit’ of only wearing name brand clothes(including $150 tennis shoes) As she was explaining to me he’d NOT wear anything else; I know I had a look of horror on my face. How could a reasonable, intelligent woman fall into such a trap? I mean ..really???? I don’t recall exactly what I said..but it was something like ..Are YOU kidding me? IF he were my child he’d either a. go butt naked. b. go butt naked. c. WEAR WHAT I BUY HIM. When did parents stop being parents? And when did parents start willingly help their kids to build UP bad habits? Anyone ever stop to think the markUP on tennis shoes alone is 200%. And only in America! They make the shoes for 1 iota of the price Americans will pay  here..Why buy something so expensive just cause its got a celebrity name attached? Why not put that same money aside for the child’s future college costs? I can’t recall the last time I paid for price for clothes or shoes..I refuse. And I am a clothes horse; but I can patiently wait for it to go on sale. And I do..alot. lol!

And last but not least, for now, this is my whopper pet peeve>

Is this just something that just happens to me? Or do ya’ll park wild! so that no one else can park on top of U; and yet! somehow, every single time..I kid you not..someone finds a way to park right on top of me! OMG I hate that..I’m slim but danggggg its tough to squeeeeze into my car, in heels & skirt or dress during the week..because some ILL-mannered person can’t take a hint. I don’t get it. And I try, with all my might, to park far, far away from alllll the others cars..there can be a ton of empty! spots in between my car and the front door..no matter what not once do I walk outside and my car is alone. Message to any of those parkers! reading this?!? PARK BETWEEN THE YELLOW LINES because that is what they are for, pretty please. Jeeeeez. Moving right along to the rest of the vehicular offenders>

From bumper -riding 2 drag-racing in front of me; and then! driving at a snail pace..ya’ll know who YOU are. Enough is enough..get a clue & learn how to drive with road courtesy. Why come I always seem to get all of the above, when I’m least in the mood for it?!? All I want to do is get to work ALIVE or get home after a long grueling 8 -5 day or get to the MALL or anywhere I am driving..never in a mood for cluelessness. And for the love of all thats good on this earth; NOTHING is that important that YOU can’t wait till you get home to text it. Only thing more annoying than a non-driving person in my way; is to see them texting-while-driving-or -trying-to-hold-a-cell. Can’t wait till they make it against the law here; to even drive with a cell phone in hand. BUT why does it take slapping a monetary fine on folks; for them to do the right sensible , responsible thing?

One last thing before I wrap this UP..I drive a shiny , new, cute!, absolutely red compact car…SUV’s try to run me off the road rushing to probably no where important…So this is my parting message especially for ya’ll.

>>>Scheduling BOREdom..Do we really want 2 go there?<<<

Tags

Brain relaxation, Freedom of thought, Learning to free your mind of everything, Mental breather, Relaxation, schedule boredom, Time for nothingness, WordPress

What IF our brain had a mind of its OWN? Wonder if from time2time it would ask for a time-OUT? Is that possibly what ‘Brain Farts’ are? When the brain just says F! it I’m taking what U won’t give me? Heard this novel idea as I was browsing yesterday; and it makes plenty of sense. Or does it? Yep, I’m going there. Come with me for a moment & lets explore the possibilities…

These days it seems like we need more time(or least I find myself doing this..); to schedule more things to FILL time slots in..Running to & fro fulfilling obligations, attending meetings, holding down an 8-5 career, involved in extracurricular activities/groups, involved in church groups/choir, raising kids, engaging in a love relationship, socializing, networking..I’m exhausted just having keystroked that list. And I’m not finished yet>

What about the children? As IF it isn’t enough to bog ourselves down; we have loaded down our children’s 24 hour spans also…School lessons/sports activities/band or music lessons/study time..I’ve even heard of parents having to “schedule” play dates for their children. WTH? When did play time become secondary to everything else on a child’s schedule? Isn’t playtime and/or free time healthy for children? We’ve all heard that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop..BUT aren’t there also advantageous benefits of possibly being bored? Why in the world are folks going to such lengths to avoid being stuck with NO distractions?!? >

Due to a constant need(and I’m guilty as charged..) to stay connected with everyone!..We use spare moments to use technology to fill in blank “spare” moments(texting/chatting/checking email/playing online games/googling UP whatever comes to our minds*I’m a google Queen*/listening to music, etc, etc yada yada); but what IF we’re missing out by not just having blank moments of NOTHINGNESS? Can you remember the last time you daydreamed? Can you recall the last time you allowed yourself to be absolutely bored with no plan/no agenda/NOwhere to be?

How are we to know if we’re missing out on; creative breakthroughs or inspirational new ideas…What about taking time for a moment of clarity? Self-reflection? Could it be possible that the mind needs a moment of “awake time” to refresh itself? Otherwise known as boredom…Must we now schedule time for that also????

Meditation is a great way to practice just doing nothing…Allow yourself to focus on an object & just get lost in thought..An excellent example of what positive gains that can be the result of this? Albert Einstein=He had the remarkable ability to sit for extended periods in total silence…And look at what he accomplished! Thankfully he didn’t have a cell phone or an Ipad or google>

 

^DREAM CHASING ^..forevermore*

Tags

Contentment, Dreams, Goals, God, God given purpose, Life, Potential, Self worth, Self-Identity, Strive for self success, WordPress

>WARNING>>> Free flow of unrestricted thoughts coming..

^The GREATest limitations in this life; are the ones we put on ourselves^ Might sound like just a cliche ..but let it sink it for a minute.

Remember backintheday when U were a kid; that felt ANYthing was possible? That U could be ANYthing U wanted to be? U could dream it..so U could be or do it? That captured  euphoric even! feeling made us feel as IF we could fly IF we stretched UP  high enough? (I tried that last week just! to see if I could still do a front forward flip..yep , at almost 50 I have to self-check to make sure I still can do certain things..AND as of last week I still can! In the midst of the flip feeeeeels like I’m flying. Love it…) And yet somewhere along the way, and through the years, many(most!) of us lose that euphoric childhood feeling ; we begin to feel there are limits. Lots & lots & lots of LIMITS. The question that is just itching to be answered, conquered & defeated, IS= WhY?

Whether it is because we got tired, tyeeeed, of trying to do things & failing. Or! being told things we could NOT do. Or! having doors shut in our faces. Or! having our dreams crushed. Or! having our hearts broken..For whatever reason think of all the things we just might’ve/would’ve/could’ve/should’ve accomplished; had we kept reaching for our dreams. Raising UP on our tippy toes as IF we could almost touch the sky & achieving the impossibility of things even sometimes we don’t think we can DO. When U have mastered something  U thought U couldn’t; isn’t that feeling of elation worth trying to repeat over & over & over again? It is for me..I wish I could bottle it UP and save  it for rainy days.

I try not to often to think of all the things I dreamt of doing that I never did..That I never even attempted to DO..All the things I put on the back burner while I was busy raising my sons(well worth all the years of effort & sacrifice) & pleasing my then-husband. What I focus on now is being ever-hopeful. I am so VERY much a dreamer..and I dream in full living COLOR

Aiming for the moon; so I can land among the stars>That is the new motto I am practicing..Striving with all my might to reach my God-given purpose..Which I don’t know(nor do I know if we ever are supposed to know) what my full potential is..I’m still tapping into it; daily. I’ve discovered, as of late, that running out of time is MY biggest motivator. I don’t want to get to the finish line without having..tried. I’ve learned I’d much rather fail at something; than to never ever attempt to do IT. Breaking the chains that I had placed upon my own mind & self; has been beyond liberating for me. I wish, I wish! , I could express it better…I refuse to keep putting to the side or for the tomorrows that never come; the things I truly wish/dream 2 do. Think of the things we just might accomplish for the better IF we stretch UP so high …we can almost touch the sky! Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

~Mental Seduction=Mental LOVEmaking~ The so very LOST art!

Tags

Being IN love, Dating, Intimacy, Love, Love relationships, Mental lovemaking, Mental Seduction, SEX, Sexuality, Staying in LOVE, WordPress

This topic needs NO introduction..So I’m going to dig right on in..Sounds like an easy task for an eligible man to accomplish, right? Seduce my mind; and U can have my body..for life. It is obviously anything BUT an easy task these days; or mayhaps because I’ve been in a self-inflicted & conflicted! ‘desert phase’ for far too long..What do I mean by that ya’ll might ask? Well , as usual, I’m going to do my best to try to explain; the way I see IT… >

~~Come, embrace my powers of provocation..4 this is…A very private invitation 2 my cerebral playground. A place where there  is no space nor time limits; only blissful moments filled with life’s most unkept secret to forever-heartcontentment=Love~Intimate quote from Berna

The standard has been set pretty much in stone; which might very well be what is stopping me from accepting anything less! When last I was IN love, a couple moons ago now, for an entire year my mind was kept totally captive…yep! totally..by someone who never laid a hand on me until a year passed. By time I realized I’d fallen in love..I’d already been in love with him . Miles apart yet minds linked in an unspoken vow ..How does that happen? And is it TOO much to hope for it to happen again & last until the end of all time? Or am I just a hopeless romantic; being greedy! enough to hope for another chance for a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence?

And yet..

with ALL ..

my Heart I believe ..

that the MIND is the BIGGest sexual organ we possess..

It was in yesteryears, it IS today, and it will be forever more. Exclamation mark. Period..So why is it so rare for it to be attempted? Is it a lost art that this generation wasn’t taught? Is it a forgotten ART that my generation got to lazy to USE? My thoughts invoke more thoughts & my questions bring on more questions..Is it only I that am stuck in a time warp of expectations & love anticipations? Accepting anything less seems like cheating myself out of the ultimate; a soulmate-lifemate-type-of-connection. It is what my soul craves. It is what my spirit yearns for. It is what my heart knows it deserves..

When in the world & how in the HELL did linking UP become acceptable instead?!? Friends with benefit for the sole benefit of sexual gratification for the now; no committment; no promised tomorrows..Wth? Is there a group of women somewhere who voted for this to BE OK? Because I didn’t get the memo..and I for one VETO that vote. Count me OUT. And please miss me with the ‘I’m just 2 OLD to be able to relate”..I can’t relate cause it makes no dang sense. It defeats the entire premise of all that good relationships are built ON.

Doesn’t anyone dance to love songs anymore?!?

I don’t know about ya’ll, but sometimes having convictions, can cause friction..Or least in my case at this point, lol! My mind/my brain/my sense of logic/my analytical side  knows the premise of what I wish for is the right thing to wait on..My heart on the other hand is wishing I’d re-think my decision. Its getting more difficult to let “the opportunities” pass me by..But is opportunity ever really an option IF it doesn’t contain all that we desire? Some folks say , Something (a relationship we aren’t totally fulfilled in..) is better than nothing(being single..) I so totally disagree…and just maybe if linking UP for a night or two wasn’t the “new norm” ; more folks would engage in mental seduction/DATING/courting. Oldskool ways will always work out for the best final outcome…how many keystrokes will it take for this generation to get IT? Or least that’s the way I see IT

>>>BLAME it on the ALCOHOL<<<

Tags

Accountability, Alcohol Abuse, Dealing with lifes issues, Depression, Drinking, Party, Self Medicating, Sobriety, Stress

WARNING: I tend to take this topic seriously…So if you are one that gets easily offended & can’t deal with reality; U might not want 2 read any further.

Y’all ready ? The road might get a little bumpy; but I guarantee it will be worth the ride*

Urban dictionary definition = Blame it on the liquor : When a person does stupid things, later making excuses that it was the alcohol, that made him/her do so. A: ”Dude, it wasn’t me, i didn’t pee on that car!”
B: ”’Yeah, blame it on the liquor…”

While some of ya’ll reading this might NOT want to hear about the negative impact alcohol has on the body; I’m going to break it down anyway. And for the record..I used to drink socially once upon a time ago. So I’ve personally experienced quite enough to speak on this topic; and its highly personal. Back then the LAST thing I’d have wanted to hear/or read..was any of this. However,  just mayhaps some of the youth out there reading this OR grown folks who don’t really yet know..just might find this info interesting and/or life changing. >Alcohol negatively impacts one’s body in countless ways. It has adverse effects on the brain, heart, LIVER, lungs , digestive system, and the skin.(very fast way to age the skin…)

Brain: From the first sip, alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream and reaches the brain. Although you won’t be aware of it, there is an impairment of brain function, which deteriorates further the more you drink.>>When I drank alcohol, I was a classic example of this happening. 2 sips into a drink I could feel the impact….from the very first time I ever had a drink. (and my sensitive body system  couldn’t handle holding even a drop of alcohol; never was there a time that by nights end I wasn’t vomiting it all up. Not a day since have I hugged the toilet like that! And I never want to again..) By end of the first drink; I was LIT. However, hardly ever was 1 drink enough. Out dancing & having fun drinking was all a part of the process..or so it was back then. Now I honestly feel I have MORE fun without drinking. Plus! I get to watch live entertainment from all the drunk folks who provide unbelievable laughs for me..and I can remember to tell them all about it the next morning.

Heart: Your pulse quickens after just one unit. Alcohol is a vasodilator – it makes the peripheral blood vessels relax to allow more blood to flow through the skin and tissues, which results in a drop in blood pressure. In order to maintain sufficient blood flow to the organs, the heart rate increases. Your breathing rate may also speed up…

Digestive system:The Government advises men to drink no more than three to four units a day and women no more than two to three, so after two pints of normal-strength beer (four units) or a large glass of red wine (3.5 units) we have already exceeded our healthy guidelines. The alcohol is absorbed through the stomach and small intestine and if you are not used to it, even small amounts of alcohol can irritate the stomach lining. This volume of alcohol also begins to block absorption of essential vitamins and minerals…

Skin: Alcohol increases bloodflow to the skin, making you feel warm and look flushed. It also dehydrates, increasing the appearance of fine lines. According to Dr Nicholas Perricone, a dermatologist, even five units will lead to an unhealthy appearance for days…So girls/ladies/chicks/women? IF at 50 yrs old(my age) you want to look like you’re 100 yrs old? Drink UP..I’m personally & sincerely ELATED that= I don’t look like what I’ve been through & done in my life. I’m truly blessed! And I thank my God & lucky stars every single day. Real talk 4 real..

Lungs:A small amount of alcohol speeds up the breathing rate. But at this level of intoxication, the stimulating effects of alcohol are replaced by an anaesthetic effect that acts as a depressant on the central nervous system. The heart rate lowers, as does blood pressure and respiration rates, possibly to risky levels – in extreme cases the effect could be fatal. During exhalation, the lungs excrete about 5 per cent of the alcohol you have consumed – it is this effect that forms the basis for the breathalyser test…

LIVER:Alcohol is metabolised in the liver and excessive alcohol use can lead to acute and chronic liver disease. As the liver breaks down alcohol, by-products such as acetaldehyde are formed, some of which are more toxic to the body than alcohol itself. It is these that can eventually attack the liver and cause cirrhosis(which is said to be an AWFUL thing to endure IF its even survived)

Now folks reading this that don’t drink might wonder..WHY in the heck would anyone ,  knowing all of the above, ever drink? Why wouldn’t they stop once they knew? But..look in the mirror and ask yourself this question. “Do I have a habit that I know isn’t good for me healthwise? ” IF the answer is NO ; then keep throwing stones and asking the above questions. Also , you’d be one of the only person  on earth,that I’ve ever heard of,   with NO bad habits. I’d actually like to see what you look like up close…Folks over-eat, folks under-eat, Folks eat junk food, Folks smoke cigs, Folks do drugs, Folks take prescription drugs, Folks do NOT exercise on a regular basis, Folks stress (and that is NOT good for health..)…the list goes on & on & on.  All the while knowing it isn’t good for them..Moving right along>

Why is any of this important? Because folks are dying at alarming rates from drunk drivers, youth from alcohol poisoning, and not to mention alcohol helps to cause people to be over-weight. And as a country we lead in obesity rates; which is NOT helping our country’s health insurance issue..(another topic for another time)

Why do people drink in the first place? Why can’t one have a funky good time withOUT needing a buzz or a high from alcohol? That is the question that just begs to be answered. BUT the only person who can answer that question..is the person who drinks to that point….

What is the bigger issue behind the symptom? Yep, my take on it is that drinking alcohol is a symptom..Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out..Some folks drink to forget painful memories. Some folks drink to forget stress in their lives..as IF that same stressful situation won’t be there the next day. The difference? Now they’ve got a hangover and problems to solve..not a pretty picture. Been there done that during & after my divorce..and its been so long since I quit that now? The cost of a drink is about the cost it was for a bottle back then…OMG! And last night I heard that a shot can cost over $100. For a shot! Some high priced premium drink(that I never heard of before..) ..but I was horrified at that news flash. I could buy  an entire clothing  outfit for that cost of that one shot of liquor. But we all have our priorities and our crutches to deal with this on this ride called LIFE. Is it peer pressure causing the youth to drink at younger & younger ages? Is it the fact they see their parents drink & thus think its alright? Why aren’t more folks that finally saw the light & QUIT;  standing UP to say the real deal about drinking? Shame? Denial? I’d be more ashamed IF I didn’t say this to my own sons & to anyone’s children who will listen…IF only for a minute. I’m just elated! that my soul can rest easy that I never killed anyone drinking & driving…which is part of my testimony. My God KNEW I’d not be able to live without having a tormented SOUL had I harmed someone…and I hold my hand UP high guilty for having driven after drinking backintheday. It isn’t something I’m proud of..but I’m also very happy I learned from my transgressions. And I had OUTSTANDING friends(shout-out to my Cali lifelong friends , I love ya’ll!) who learned to take my keys BEFORE we went out…First & foremost though thanks to my GOD for getting me to the other side of that phase of my life. Lesson learned and torn-apart heart completely mended…

Many reading this won’t truly appreciate what I’ve said here; until something happens to ‘force” you to look in the mirror..and make a change. There are many people that self-medicate…not just with alcohol. My belief? Once one loves themselves, totally, they don’t need vices to make them feel good anymore. Nor a crutch after a rough day or life-altering situation like divorce..

100 Percent of Urban Prep Academy Seniors College Bound for 4th Year in a Row

Reblogged from GOOD BLACK NEWS:

Urban Prep Academy is continuing its record of success.  For the last three years, all graduating seniors from the charter school's Englewood campus have been college bound. This year, the inaugural graduating class of the West Campus has  accomplished the same goal.  In all, 167 seniors, all African-American males, have been accepted to a four-year college or university.

"What this 100 percent proves beyond a doubt is that it need not be the exception but it should be the expectation for every child in the city of Chicago," Mayor Rahm Emanuel said at a ceremony where the final students exchanged their red uniform neckties with the red-and-gold striped ones that signify their college-bound status.

Read more… 195 more words

^ “YOU” by Kedo *beck N call poetry format*Answered “Mentally Please U” by Berna^

“You” by Kedo..He said>

~As a sista, I think you’re complete

Physically, mentally and spiritually

As a woman of color~ A black woman

You are  strong, beautiful and free

As a person, a human.. A breath of fresh air

You are  passionate, patient and good

As my friend… A peaceful tree

You are  dependable, cheerful and solid from head to toe

Never have I met another spirit like you

You’re  the missing colors of the rainbow, the water on Mars..the perfect Eve

Thank you for being who you are; I now look to become whole in life

And if you were the flu, I would stay sick as I lean on my friend for knowledge~

 

“Mentally Please U”by Berna..She said>

My 4ever friend that makes me laugh SO much!..

Let all the week’s tension fade slowly away

As I phonetically please U with my repartee

Our time is finally here & I’ve arrived!

For an entire lifetime you’ve been wholly deprived..

Of what only I grammatically bring

Toting a melody which  only I can sing

*Hush* *Relax* Sit back & let me do “my” thing

Vibing with your mental is  my main desire

No topic taboo.. going to set your mind on fire

Keeping you fully  alert and engaged

All is  real here ~Nada   fake & never pre-staged~

I know you’re out  there  reading me   intently

Cause 24/7 I feel your essence rapping to me

From moments away ..incessantly

Calling

Out

My

Name

Berna the ONE  n only

Never leaving U lonely

Tending to all of your creative desires

Whatever that takes or ever  requires

I have finally emphatically!  arrived

No longer will you be deprived..

Of the ultimate~the  very best

Mentally vibing U is my quest

Caressing your words & stroking your thoughts

The mingling of our minds won’t be for naught..

 

 

 

 

>Toying With The Idea of A *Boy Toy* R May/December Romances HomeRUNishable?

>”There is plenty of research on the notion popularized by Alfred Kinsey that women reach their sexual peak much later than men do, so older women and younger men may be especially sexually compatible.

“I think men are deeply attracted to a woman who knows what it’s all about and is sexually free,” said Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington and a sex columnist and author. “The idea of a woman who is sexually knowledgeable and passionate is very attractive to a lot of young men who are getting more hesitant interactions or conditional sexual access from younger women.”>  Quoted from NY Times article@Re-Thinking the Older Woman – Younger Man Relationship. 

^Ready to hear my thoughts on this exciting topic? Here is my take on it..

First things first..I don’t consider myself a cougar by any means..Heck I’m still adjusting to being called Ma’am instead of Miss! Its as if it happened over night…and yet the infamous ‘they’=alot of folks..say over & over they’re shocked I’m knocking on 50 yrs old. So with that as the backdrop I was asked out by a much younger guy today and for once I was at a loss for words. Rare indeed for me…a. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings b. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings! c. I did NOT know if I really, really , really wanted to say no (OMG he is such eye candy) d. I did NOT want to say no. BUT..

Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately because I’m almost 50 yrs old; I tend to think before I leap. Dayum! Dayum! Dayum! Long gone are the days when I could just blame foolish whimsical actions on just being ..young , dumb &..well ya’ll know the rest. Odd thing IS though I don’t feel like 50 yrs old either. Most days I feel as IF I could climb tall mountains! Run laps around the gym. Do back flips! Hula hoop till I drop! (great exercise by the way..) I’ve got the energy of the energizer bunny. Am a ball of blazing fire & an admitted handfull..until I sit still at night. And then? After being awake since O’dark thirty every morning when I sit; I am OUT like a light. I don’t mean half doze off. I don’t mean a light sleep. I mean when I’ve literally fallen to sleep some evenings sitting straight up. So how in the heck can I even remotely consider..dating someone so much younger his evening probably BEGINS when I’m ready to hit the sack?!?>

ALL kind of thoughts & scenarios were swirling through my mind; as I considered it. First thought was YES! 2nd thought was WHY NOT? 3rd thought was what would my eldest son think?!? (whose only a couple yrs old than the brother asking the question) 4th thought was ; What would my Daddy think? My mother?!? (she might not think it was such a bad idea come to think of it..) What would Jesus think? Just kidding, lol! Jesus was the last thing on my mind …But ya’ll get the picture. I knew it was a BAD idea and yet a part of me wanted to go for it. So after I’m sure to him seemed like an eternity…and I know this because he finally said. “Are you alright?” (and NOPE I wasn’t. suddenly I felt dizzy, hot! dang hot flashes, and my usual smoothness was gone..Want to know what I said?>

I told him the truth…Said I’d love to go out on a date with you; BUT I know it wouldn’t work out. Couldn’t possibly, because we’re worlds apart. Not just by years in age; but in life experiences.  Sure we’d have a BALL..for a quick minute. And then? I’d tire , and quickly, of having to have plenty of ‘teaching moments’…You’d tire, probably not as quickly , of  me not wanting to hang out every weekend/me not being able to stay up late as you do/the topics I’m interested in/the passions I am passionate about and etc, etc yada yada…

I can appreciate , even admire, women like Mariah Carey & Demi Moore for winning the battle over common sense..But I’ve grown to a point in my life that I just can’t do that. Physically ironically my best mate-match is a much younger brother…Mentally though a much younger brother is no match for me. And knowing that is why I can’t go with what is a natural biological (!) flow…What I’m banking on? Is that my GOD has chosen someone MY age; that is just as fit & energy-filled as lil ole me..created just to love ME. For the rest of our lives. The waiting is the tough part! Though I’ve got a feeling he’ll be worth the wait..Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

*******For the LADIES eyes only…********

Tags

Females, Girl talk, Its a woman thang, Life, OMG, Sensitive female issues, Women, WordPress

Guys IF ya’ll peek in at this topic; don’t say I didn’t warn you! I’m on ONE tonight about a topic only a woman would understand…Ya’ll ready for this? I feel a *rant* coming on…so buckle up & hold onto to your hats & wigs..

Alright now you’ve been warned twice..This is for grown folks only so cover your kids eyes(hopefully ya’ll censor what your kids view on the Net…) and if you’re sensitive to sensitive female *issues*; you might want to click off now. I’m a woman and LOVE being a woman. I’m the true epitome of feminity…and yep, pink is my fave color! Nonetheless, having said that; there are a couple things about being a woman I could do withOUT. Ya’ll ready? Here I go here is the first & probably most sensitive of topics>

IF there is a woman out there that enjoys having a time of the month; also known as a “period”..Please stand UP. I’d like to see U in the flesh. Because in ALL of my days on earth; I’ve yet to meet ONE woman who likes having a period. Even on a good day! Even without cramps, bloating, mood swings from hell, headaches,backaches!!!!, more bloating, tender breasts,more cramps, and irregularity so one never knows when its going to make its monthly appearance..omit all of that and I’m still willing to bet there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t rather NOT having to have a period. And I mean sans a pregnancy. Having said that…

Of those women out there who would rather NOT have a period…Wouldn’t it be great to turn the tables for just one little month?!? I think , in all fairness, that MEN should have to have ONE period in their lifetime. Just one..and while I understand the biological process of both sexes..IF there were anything I could change it would be that. I love men, with all of my heart and every ounce of my BEING, but I sincerely think they’d be able to empathize with women more if they could just experience it. Once! Don’t you just hate when someone says ‘I know what you’re going through?’ And you know they don’t! But you want to be polite ; so you just smile & nod your head? Well, that is one thing a man SHOULD be able to know what it is to go through. They walk around alllll month long with no worries about a *surprise visitor* No worries about what to wear due to bloating & discomfort. No worries due to any monthly biological process. And while I simply adore being a woman I just don’t think that’s fair..I’m not a violent person, by far. Never even used physical discipline for our sons..but as sure as I sit here tonight IF I could throttle EVE..I would. OMG what was she thinking?!? And to add insult to injury>

When is IT going to end? Lawd! I’ll be 50 yrs old in July and there apparently is NO end in sight..UNreal. The true insult IS we have to wait an entire year, 1 whole year, for it to truly be OVER. Are you kidding me? For a few months not even a tiny cramp; no nothing. I’m dancing on the table top! And then all of a sudden , out of the blue, bam! Cramps so bad I feel as if I’m going to deliver a baby. Which is highly impossible because I’m not doing what it takes to make one..I thought this crap was supposed to get easier? My doctor told me it could get worse due to how young I started & could be the reason its taking SO long to STOP forever. *slapping forehead* Isn’t that the opposite of the way it should be? WHO made these rules? I daresay it was a woman thats for sure…And why are there pills for a man to get an erection? And NO pill for women to make their period STOP; when they no longer want to have children? I don’t get it…pharmaceutical companies are losing out on a gold mine!

Can anyone tell me WHY the breastfeeding in public issue has become an ISSUE? How many men would like to have to feed their baby in non-sanitary public bathroom?! Because that is the bottom line for what happens when Mom is out & about and her baby gets hungry…not every woman wants to use the TORTURE machine(I know because I used one years ago..) otherwise known as a breast pump. And its been statistically proven breast -fed babies are healthier; why aren’t we promoting it instead of demoting it? All because men can’t handle their libido anytime they see bared breasts? Use some discipline for heaven’s sake like the rest of us have NO choice but to do..Men being able to decide what a woman can or can’t do with her own body=Something is clearly wrong with that sentence. Which leads me to the next and last topic>

Disclaimer = This topic is all in good fun…But I have thought of these topics and wondered the whys…If it weren’t a man’s world would things be different? And how so? That is another topic for another time..Moving right along>

The bottom line IS..Until men can have a monthly period. Until men can carry a baby for 9 months. Until men have to go through the many ups & downs women experience biologically(most of us do this gracefully..) ;I do not feel men should have the right to say what women can /can’t do with their bodies. No one has that right..and IF the shoe were on the other foot..I feel it would be a NON-issue. For the guys that wound up reading this; don’t ya’ll have to honestly admit that also?Btw fellas I have mad regard and love for ya’ll, mwah & hugs! Thanks for being such good sports..though had U heeded my warning you’d not have read this post. Is it curiosity that killed the cat? lol! Wait , check the picture out below before answering that..

Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the 1 & only)

*REDEEMED*Forgiven*REBORN* Happy Easter !

Tags

Brand New Start, Easter, God, Jesus, Love, NEW, Peace, Peace in my HEART, PEACE on earth, Trinity

I am redeemed! i AM forgiven! I really AM so REBORN! If there were any way on God‘s GREAT earth I could share this oh so, SO, good feeling I would. I promise…And I made a promise to my Heavenly Father that I would do MY best to try to share it; right here and now. When I rose this morning; leaped! out the bed as I so often do..filled with such a feeling of thankfulness/filled with a feeling of such inner PEACE/such a feeling of utter overwhelmingness…2day is a brand NEW day. Why? This is the day that HE rose for ME! And U..and yep U too..even for those of U who don’t , yet, Believe in him…Did ya’ll know Jesus died of a broken heart? So much I’ve learned and thirst to learn; during this spiritual journey of mine. I was reading yesterday, led to read something that hurt my eyes/gave me a headache to read! ..and hurt my heart to read the words. I read, word for word, facts about Jesus’s cruxificication..Written by a physician whose does research on what that does to a body, physically. This physician said he felt he’d been taking it for granted..WHAT JESUS GAVE UP FOR US..and I felt I was also. Something in my spirit led me yesterday to read words I’d never seen before. I read things that I’d closed my eyes to when I watched the movie ‘Passion of the Christ‘ years ago. Made a vow to myself! that I would never, ever, EVA watch that movie again..Now I know why it hurt so much to watch. How often do we avoid things that hurt to see? To know? To say? To go THROUGH? Know what I think, feel!, now? That we’ve got to go , through, some bad things to get TO good things. Look at what Jesus sacrificed for US and what the end result was…From this day forth because I’m in a state of NEW awareness, NEW self, NEWly re-born, NEWLY confirmed into the Catholic Faith(as of last night…) I am making a vow to do better…I was once so very blind; but now I see. I do>

Folks out there reading might wonder how I can speak of loving God 2day..Yet, yesterday I could partake in writing sensual poems. Because I am multi-faceted. I’m embracing ALL of who I am. For the 1st time in my entire life..and thats a mighty long time & many moons passed. Most days? I stand before the world NAKED. Off & online…I wear my feelings on my face & sleeves.(a fact my Daddy has said all my life) I do NOT have a poker game type face! Any emotion or feeling I am feeling is displayed on my face…I can’t seem to hide it. So I have stopped even trying to…This is who I am 24/7 and 365 days of the year. And it is who I am going to be until the day I leave this earth. For years I tried to fit my squareness into round holes; not anymore. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drummer(a full blown band lol! ) the only difference now? I’ve got the courage & confidence to embrace it…I need no introduction. No fan fare. I am just going to be me…A loved child of God created in HIS image. A one and only ME. I am the only one who can do ME; and I’m doing the best I can to do that. Totally unscripted..and I hope ya’ll are doing the best of U daily also. God loves all of us; even those who don’t yet recognize him. I was once so very lost my dang self; but I thank GOD I’m not anymore. I feel relieved! I feel redeemed! I feel so very renewed & reBORN. And I feel like screaming it from the mountain tops; that is how GOOD it feels all the time.

Can’t seem to stop myself from digressing this morning..My mind & heart are all over the place..I am excited! I am on FIRE..As I was saying I no longer wanted to know what it meant about the beauty of Jesus rising TODAY..Which is why I read about the physicalNESS of the account of his cruxification yesterday, even though it hurt to read(I don’t even watch horror movies..yep, I cover my eyes if I’m forced to) because I wanted to know..really know…what Jesus went through for me. Just for ME(and for you also…) One can not know what they don’t know; till they really know. And now that I’m reading up on it more & more(thank U God for my inherent love of reading!) no more will anything I go through seem like I can NOT get through IT…For, if Jesus could go through , what he went through for me, certainly I can get to the other side of any earthly pain/hurts/disappointments. Right? Yes, absolutely right. There was a time I didn’t feel that way. Backintheday…I’ve been in some really DARK deep valleys…It is the reason I can now know such JOY. One can’t know or feel joy; without having felt the opposite. Please google that concept if you don’t believe me..but I’m speaking from a life time of experience. Once I was so very blind; but now I see. And that didn’t happen overnight either..Its taken me a life time. I’m just so very , very happy to be HERE . And for this moment in time? I feel like screaming it from the roof tops>

The fact that Jesus died in an UNnormal fashion for a cruxification; shouldn’t have surprised me when I read it. But he did..he died from a broken heart when they pierced him in his heart. *And he never said a mumblin word* However, if we study the scriptures he did manage(even through his excruciating! pain from the torture…) to utter 7 brief sentences. The last 7 things Jesus said before he died..>1. Father, forgive them for they know not what they DO. 2. Today, thou shalt be with me in Paradise. 3. Behold thy Mother. Woman, behold thy Son. 4. My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?? 5. I thirst. 6. It is finished. 7. Father! Into thy hands I commit  my  Spirit>

~I was asked a couple days ago IF I knew the last 7 things Jesus said..I was only certain of ONE of those..So I was thirsty to KNOW. I was thirsty to KNOW why I’d been asked that question..I was led to read up on it & that is how I read through the ENTIRE account of Jesus’s death. It wasn’t pretty. It was beyond anything that the human mind can imagine. FAR more awful a death than was even portrayed in the movie “The Passion”; and I can’t bear to watch that but ONCE in my life. I could barely see as I read those words yesterday; through my tears. As if my very heart would break in two reading it..its a tough read to read. Indeed. But now that I know what I know..I truly KNOW just that small amount Jesus endured so that I could live today. That is more heavy of a thought today, for me, than ever before. I hope you’ll remember with me; that he died just for YOU. I hope you realized how LOVED that means you are. YOU are special. I’m going to do my utmost to spread that feeling; of knowing that. Of feeling that. It just feels so very GOOD all of the time..And on that note I’m signing off for now. Stay UPlifted & blessed. Until I read/write ya’ll again have a wonderful , love-filled Easter. It is a brand new day>

^ “Can I?” by Kedo *beck N call* Answered by Berna “U can..IF”^

Tags

Lyrical expression, Poetically vibing, Poetry, Poetry write-off, Word-meshing, WordPress

~Can I? by Kedo..He said>

Can I fall IN love with you?

Without knowing the pain love brings..

Can I love you forever?

And still enjoy the spring

Can I hold you for a lifetime

And still miss you each day

Can I look into your eyes

And no(know) your playground is where I’m supposed to play

Can I love you and no(know) you’ll always love me

Or would it be like everything else in LIFE

Lead me to an apple that didn’t have a tree..

~U Can..IF by Berna..She said>

U can..IF u let things BE..let yourself go

Love is meant 2 just BE and to flow..

It isn’t full of what U want guaranteed

There is no certainty..indeed no special key

U have 2 feeeel love within the confines of ur heart

That is something you’ve questioned from the start

U said you’re not sure if U can love one 4 life

The difference IS I crave 2 be someone’s lifelong wife..

I love 4ever~It is my way

That’s the only way I’ll play

For keeps N for real

Gamble it ALL is the deal

U can’t dare 2 have it all

IF you’re 2 afraid 2 fall..

IN

Love

 

 

 

 

 

**Lyrical Lovers POETRY Lounge..COMING SOON**

Tags

Berna's Original Poetry, Kedo's original poetry, Life is poetry, Love, Love poems, Lyrical, Online Writing, Poetry, Poetry is a passion, Sensual poems, WordPress

>Lyrical Lovers Poetry Lounge birthday has finally arrived here! So kick off your shoes, enjoy the scented candles, soft background music of your choice & slowly unwind to the lyrical liquid vibe …Introducing my new poetic & word-meshing partner@Kedo…His poetic words will WOW you(well they certainly WOW me..) and for anyone else out there who wants to drop your creations here..Feel free to do so! Iron sharpens iron & I’ve raised the bar with my own poetic creations when challenged by another..Its called participating in a ‘write off’; one simply responds to the poetic piece of another. Magic can be created…>

The Top 5 Reasons Why I PREFER Black Women by Nova Giovanni

Reblogged from Nova Giovanni | Can You Handle The Truth?:

• 

Hello, loyal reader. Before I begin this list, I'd like to state the fact that it is possible to like one thing without disliking the other and I am fully capable of this feat. Therefore, my reasons for preferring Black women in no way automatically means I dislike women of other races.

The following is only five of MANY reasons why I (Nova Giovanni) prefer to date Black women.

Read more… 532 more words

AWAITING A PRAYER ( A PRAYER FOR SINGLES)

Reblogged from Full Of Roses Inspirationals:

I know what it is like being single and my heart and prayers go out to those of you who are waiting patiently for God to bring that special person in your life. The important thing is to have your heart in the right place while you are waiting. It is easy to get discouraged, find yourself lonely and even very depressed when you long to have someone to share your life with.

Read more… 366 more words

~My Holiest Holy Week Ever~

Tags

Beautiful Life, blogging, Catholic faith, Catholic Sacrament of Confirmation, Catholism, Easter, Easter Vigil, God, Holy, Holy Week 2013, Jesus, Life experience, Loving life, ReBirth, ReNew, WordPress

~I honestly thought about not posting this here..Instead I was just going to write it & post on my church’s Faith blog site. And then? I decided this is such an important & integral part of who I am; that I wanted to share it here as well..Take it or leave it, Love me or not; I’m going to be ME no matter where I am..And that includes 4ever and always on my blog site. >Disclaimer in advance= These are my beliefs and my thoughts about God/religion/FAITH; all based on my life journey and experiences. I’m not saying nor implying what anyone else should believe or not. Quite simply professing I am very much a BELIEVER and this is what my Holy Week in 2013 will consist of…Ready for me? Ready or not here are my inner-most thoughts>

^Very brief(yep , I’m still working on brevity…) history lesson about Catholism. The early Fathers of ‘the Church’ used the word ‘Catholic” to describe the church because ‘Catholic’ means universal. Which , in short, means that ‘Catholic religion  ‘ & ‘Christian religion ‘ mean the same thing. Later, when folks began to break away from the ‘Catholic religion’ to form other religions; the ‘Catholic religion’ still remained what it has always been. The Catholic Religion..is the  religion which I’ve been a part of since I received the Sacrament of Baptism  as an infant. Moving right along to where I am today in my faith and the Catholic faith/religion>

^I’ve not always been as steady on my feet in my faith or my walk as a Catholic; as I am NOW. And while I think it is the NOW that matters the most..I also can greatly appreciate the laborious journey it took to get HERE. Scraped knees from praying & scraped knees from falling; from one extreme to the other I’ve lived it. And I’m very pleased to be able to say, with utmost sincerity, not only am I still standing..but I’m standing taller than I’ve ever stood. All 5’4 inches…well , without heels>

>I’ve gone through periods of life when I wasn’t attending Mass on a regular basis. I’ve gone through periods of life I sent my sons to Mass; yet I didn’t attend. I’ve gone through periods of life that I questioned the existence of a true higher being..to say I’ve struggled with being a full Believer is an understatement. Always wanted to be one; yet I was what I can best describe as a wanna-B-believer. I prayed to a GOD; that I wasn’t quite sure truly was listening at times. There were times I felt IF he did exist; how in the heck could he allow some of the things I lived THROUGH to have happened in the first place?!? My questions had questions…and yet I never totally didn’t believe. But I had serious doubts…and I for sure had doubts in a religion I felt(and experienced) as NOT being totally inclusive of folks of color. Folks that looked like ‘me’. I just wasn’t feeling comfy; and I hadn’t found a church home. (though not for lack of trying/and holding an elected seat on a predominantly ‘Conservative’  Catholic church school board..) And then…>

*My 1st spiritual awakening happened in the unlikely of places; and at the unlikely of times in my life. Unexpected, unprovoked and with no warning..just happened. Bam! What came over me was a feeling of such utter & complete immediate total JOY; that it scared me. I didn’t see any bright light at the end of a tunnel. Very much awake & I was sitting reading a Bible…something , at the time, I wasn’t accustomed to doing. Very early one morning in total quietness..suddenly..I could feel GOD’s presence. Warmth like a comforting liquid flowed down over my entire being; I can’t express it any other way. Just felt good, all over..quite suddenly. Long enough for me to be aware of it & then it was gone. But from that point on I could no longer be totally in doubt of his existence. For once in my life I didn’t have to see something to believe in it. Didn’t have to touch or feel it or taste it. Suddenly I was no longer a believer that seeing was believing..

It was at that time in my life I began to feel a need for re-newness. An inner need to start brand new. A re-start towards A re-birth. I don’t recall sitting and figuring out a plan how I was going to get that accomplished. And I’m a planner…no longer did I feel in control of my own destiny. It was at this time of my life I felt the most; lost. Wasn’t sure which direction I should head at all. Yet I was driven. That might not make any sense to anyone else; but it makes perfect sense to me. In essence I was no longer holding the reins to my life..No longer leading my own foot steps. Yet, I was on a mission. And fast-forwarding> A mission that led me over 3,500 miles>Home to my parents..A place with 2 people who loved me more than any other people on this planet>Yet, it was a place I said I’d never live, only visit, again. But I was on my way to becoming complete. Finally. I’d come completely full circle..

**My 2nd spiritual awakening came in the midst of many who looked just like me..At a gathering I’d flown 2 reach with many to attend the National Black Catholic Conference. Over those several days I knew I was right where I was supposed to be..A week earlier I hadn’t even planned on being there..It was there I realized there wasn’t just a place for me in the Catholic religion; but there was NO other place I belonged to get closer to GOD. I was home & had always been a part of it…Finally I was filled with a passion to learn more about my faith in the Faith that had been chosen for me since Birth. It was then that my re-Birth unofficially officially began..I began to fall IN love with being Catholic. I wanted to learn more &  more about it. From that conference I took with me, within my spirit, the same feeling shared there amongst hundreds of others like me. I  began to make a place for me in what quickly became my church HOME in the new city I now resided in. Same city my parents had lived for over 30 years. Their church home became mine; totally effortlessly. I don’t know if it is because my frame of mind changed & was open to it. Or a combination of that & the feeling of warmth & welcome in which I was received into the church. All I know is all of a sudden I felt like I was HOME. And my new church , almost over night, became my church HOME. I’d never felt that way about a church before..everything was simply falling into place. I joined the choir the week , alongside my parents, the week after my arrival to the “Left Coast”..Slowly but surely after that I began to get more & more involved in my new church home. I’m amazed myself! how involved I’m feeling driven to be..It wasn’t planned..Just keep holding my hand UP to serve more & more!  And with each day I can feel a warmth from within, like my inner GLOW, pouring out of me..There is no other way I can express it. The feeling of contentment I feel majority of the time; is something I wish I could bottle up ..and share with the WORLD. Which is what I am attempting to do , right here and now; with my words. Painting a picture, as only I can do, with my fingerstrokes. This is where I’ve come from 2 Where I am right now. And it just feels GOOD all the time>

**For the past 5 months I’ve been involved in a process..After a lifetime of being part of the Catholic church; I’ve chosen to take the Sacrament of Confirmation. As an adult this is a conscious effort & desire..it has consisted of attending 1 1/2 hr sessions every Monday. The sessions cover basic information about the Catholic Faith & fundamentally communicate the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults will climax with receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation..in front of my church congregation on Easter eve evening..The Easter Vigil Mass. With the exception of childbirth and marriage ceremony; there is NOTHING I’ve been more in anticipation of in my life. It isn’t simply a step for me. It is part of my re-Birth. Couldn’t be more symbolic than for it to take place on the eve of Easter…This past 5 months has been a period of deep reflection, prayer, instruction, discernment and formation..One of my spiritual advisors leads the sessions and is also someone I call friend..There was the perfect time, a pre-selected time, for me to be confirmed into Catholism. Everything is falling into place all by itself…When things are right, they just feel right, and they just happen. And? It just feels GOOD all the time>

Because I will always keep it real= When I first learned I was expected to attend Mass 4 times during this Holy Week it blew my hair back..WOW thats alot of church for ME in one week..That isn’t including attending my regular session at church last night. A council meeting tomorrow night. Basically that means I’ll be at the church every evening except for tonight..WOW again. Having said that & all of what I’ve shared here; that was only my first response and thoughts. After it sunk in? My thoughts now= What BETTER place for me to be during the Holy Week preceding my receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation? It is where I am supposed to be in preparation ..Quite honestly I’ve got butterflies in anticipation & excitement. I thought as the time neared I’d be nervous. I am not. I am just eager & ready. I probably won’t share with ya’ll the events of this weeks’ church activities. Even having shared this is extremely personal for me. But I wanted to share with each & every one of you something that I feel is very..Beautiful. My testimony. IF you read between the lines, that is what I’ve just shared …My life journey to here. My walk now as I try, with all my might, to walk the walk that I feel most close to Jesus’s walk. It isn’t nor hasn’t been a straight road. It hasn’t been without bumps along the way; and even now. But when I look back, briefly..every single thing I’ve experienced was leading me to ..HERE. And knowing that/feeling that/realizing that ALL my life there has been a MasterPlan..Finally becoming aware that I’ve never , ever walked alone..Reflecting back on ALL of the people who entered into my life; that were unannounced Angels..Leading me/guiding me/counseling me/accompanying me on my journey..WOW, just WOW. Feels so GOOD all of the time. I hope something I’ve shared here with ya’ll has possibly made you reflect on your own spiritual lives..We all have one…Just takes some of us longer to tap into to it. We’re all loved children of GOD created by a mighty Father..One who is so patient /merciful/& loving; that he waits for us to discover that he simply IS. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted /Blessed/and have a beautiful Easter experience..4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

**IS Your LOVE Language BEING Heard?**

Tags

blogging, Communicating effectively, Gary Chapman, Happiness, Love, Love relationships, marriage, Self expression, the 5 LOVE languages, WordPress

**I adore this topic..A good friend of mine said it was a must read years ago & he was right. Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages’ is one of the BEST books I’ve ever read..Do you know your love language? Do you know that its difficult to maintain a relationship; IF your spouse/significant other doesn’t know your love language? Later in this post I’ll reveal what my love language IS..never know my future last husband might be reading this! And hopefully ya’ll will share or reflect on what yours is..

^Before I get into my informal review of the book; I’m dropping a link for ya’ll to possibly discover what your love language IS. Just in case you don’t yet know ..Simply click on the link to take a brief, fun!, quiz to figure out what your love language is>

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

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~Many of us have relationship questions prior to entering we (I) wonder…Is there a way to know if we’re a match? Once in a relationship we(I) wonder..How is it possible to keep the love strong & solid? Falling IN love isn’t something we have control over; but it takes a concerted effort to stay IN love. Mayhaps knowing what one’s own love language is could help in countless ways; those of us who want a HOME RUN when next we fall *in love* for the last time..Lets dig a bit deeper>

Personally, I don’t know what the statistics are for couples 2 share the same love language(s). And while I do know that opposite can surely attract; I feel when opposite love languages exist it takes more than communication to overcome. Ever wonder WHY your spouse or significant other just doesn’t seem to understand what you’re communicating? Ever heard the saying that sometimes love isn’t enough to make things work out forever? Been there, done that..and thankfully we’re still great friends. However , much as I adore my wonderful friends; I’m SO ready to be *in love* one last time…I’m also ready to do what it takes to make it last 4ever…So how does one identify & learn to speak their significant other’s love language? How does one learn what their own love language is? Allow me to dig yet a little deeper>

^First, let me say(especially since I know my ex reads me here, lol!) I’ve had wonderful love relationships. In order to have closure; I had to figure out what went wrong for it to end in friendship & the love didn’t maintain itself. Honestly? I think we just didn’t understand what the other’s love language was..Thus! we loved, loved!, loved yet there were needs not being met(I’m not talking about the physical needs…) Knowing & meeting those needs is the key to long, lasting love relationships. Or so it is my belief at this phase of my life. From my experiences & from seeing, first hand, how well my own parents marriage of 51 years works. (they can communicate without a word being said out loud…amazing to watch!) Yet, there is a far greater amount of folks who love each other ; who aren’t staying connected. And it is in those situations that sincerity plus love still isn’t enough…Staying IN love takes work! So lets tackle this list down quickly and I’ll use myself as an example. Ready? I am, so lets do this>

Words of Affirmation= For some folks actions do NOT always speak louder than words…Some folks need to hear the  infamous 3 words said@ ‘I love YOU’. And they need to hear compliments, kind words, plenty of words of appreciation. Alot! Try this daily once you learn your partner needs this. IF you don’t; they’ll tend to lean towards someone who DOES. And when you’re in love with someone..this shouldn’t be a hard task at all. Personally? This is something I do naturally! Even with my loved ones, friends, coworkers. Honestly? I’d not be with someone who didn’t speak to me in this way naturally..thus, this is NOT one of my love languages. This is the  basic way I communicate  & its what I’m attracted to. My preference? ACTIONS do speak louder than words. IF you say you love me; yet don’t show me you love me then that speaks volumes to me. And I won’t stay in that relationship. Exclamation point. Period. Moving right along…

Gifts=There are some women who get off on receiving lavish gifts. There are some men who get off buying lavish gifts 4 women. Its not supposed to be mistaken for materialism; but the thought & effort behind the gift. I feel differently…so this is NOT my love language. I don’t feel my love can be bought with gifts. My love is priceless! Therefore there is no gift that can match that…Having said that I adore receiving gifts ; but I’m also just as likely to give gifts. Even something as unique as I am..like a framed poem I’ve written especially for my significant other. In my world a gift doesn’t have to be bought or purchased. A cobbler made in my honor(I loved that!) can bring a big kool-aid grin to my face.(even if I have to work out extra hours its worth it lol!) Or a handpicked bouquet of flowers can also melt my heart in an instant…it is the little things that matter more to me. Priceless! Moving right along>

Physical Touch=This is MY #1  love language. I’ll readily admit it. I’m a toucher. I even talk in an animated manner , with my hands, when I’m excited. I hug when I’m happy to see my friends/relatives/church family/coworkers even from time2time. I think one way we connect is by..touch. Otherwise we’d be robots. I think its why God gave us 2 hands; so we could touch twice as much. I love holding hands! IF I grab your hand when we take a simple walk; it means I like you alot. This , I think, stems from my Mom holding hands with us when we were younger…Or maybe I like touch so much because I was breast fed. I don’t really know “why”; I just know thats the way I’m wired. I feel most connected to my significant other; when a part of our bodies are touching one another. I learned this about myself and it is highly important to know about me. Enough on this topic because I could go on & on 4ever…

Quality Time= This is my #2 love language without a doubt. For me spending quality time 2gether makes me feel as special as I am…I dig it alot! It means you care enough about lil ole me; to give me your undivided attention. Or taking time to do something that you know matters to ME. Like reading my blog and learning more about what makes me tick. Major turn ON..A walk along the beach alone. A picnic planned for ‘us’ by my significant other. Anything that involves ‘just us time” with NO distractions. Cell phones off, no T.V.’s, no contact with the outside world. I love it and I love it alot!

Acts of Service=This love language is one in which a person likes to serve their partner…These things are done with love because one wants to please their partner by DOing for them. Its something that comes so naturally for me , that I don’t consider it as a love language of mine. My Mom is big on this one and passed it on to me..We do as an expression of our love not obligation.

Well folks thats a wrap!  Hope you enjoyed something new you can use in your relationship/future relationship. I enjoyed writing it & re-hashing the book . Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

So you're tired of hearing about "rape culture"?

Reblogged from Rant Against the Random:

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TRIGGER WARNING:

The following includes descriptions, photos, and video that may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.
Please be advised. 

Someone asked me today, "What is 'rape culture' anyway? I'm tired of hearing about it."

Yeah, I hear ya. I'm tired of talking about it. But I'm going to keep talking about it because people like you keep asking that question.

Read more… 1,198 more words

~~~~~~~~Blogger Appreciation Moment~~~~~~~~

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Bloggers, Blogging appreciation, Blogging my fanny off.., Fellow bloggers appreciation, Inspire, Life, Love, Poetry, Reading, What motivates a writer, WordPress, Writing, Writing from lifes experiences

>Taking a break 2night from my normal blog a day adventure 2 give thanks & appreciation to my fellow bloggers…Never in a cazillion years could I have anticipated the many likes/blogging love/warm reception I’ve been shown in my brief time here as a blogger & comments /comment responses when I’ve interacted on your blog sites. This blogger appreciation *award* and post is dedicated in your honor..>YOU ROCK/OMG ya’ll have been fabulous!/& sincere thank you’s for the love & support

You’re all great-wonderful-SO talented as writers-poetically inclined poets-comical yet wise political watchers-pretty dang cool folks!

>>>>     FOOTNOTE= 4 anyone out there that thinks blogging IS easy, it is NOT. It takes a certain personality , concerted effort, time invested, somewhat steady focus, confidence! & in my case a sincere desire to want  to reach out 2 others..Plus loving to write helps a great deal. I can’t resist the itch 2 write..Inofitself its a form of self-therapy for me. Many times when I’m blogging I’m writing to myself almost as much as to ya’ll..I think it, free flow it, and when I write it I’m feeling it..when I read it it sinks totally IN. Even with the colorful, confident, vibrant, in-your-face-I’m-here! type of personality I’ve got it still takes MUCH confidence 2 feeeeel what I’ve got to share is special enough to share with the entire WORLD. And what most don’t know? I learned of this website while helping a friend while she constructed a blog site here for our church. Yep! as I was learning this site@ WordPress while blogging 4 our church Faith site..I fell in love with the site and decided to do what I’d long wanted to do. Start my own blog site=which I had to 1st quickly learn how to navigate this site and build my own page. WOW. As I’ve traveled and browsed the blog sites here I’m  WOWed so often by my fellow bloggers that in a quick minute? My list of fave blogs 2 read might as well just say ALL. Ya’ll continue to keep ME inspired, ya’ll teach me so much with your outstanding writing skills!, ya’ll continue to touch my HEART with your depth. In my heart of hearts I know I wasn’t led here by accident and thus wanted U all to know I appreciate each & every one of U ; you’ve made my experience here more than worthwhile. And? Until I write/read ya’ll later 2night stay UPlifted & blessed! 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only..)

~~Can U Name That Tune? ~~Whats Your Theme Song? …

Tags

Going with your own flow..., Having fun in life!, Life, Music, NeoVibing, Personal Essence, Personal theme song, Poetic inclinations, Savoring life through music, Vibing

>>All day long! I couldn’t get this off my mind..Itched 2 write the idea down yet had such a non-stop busy day that I couldn’t find the time..IF you don’t have a theme song in mind for yourself; then put your thinking cap ON and..think of 1. Going to dig up the video clip or lyrics from mine(yep! I’ve got my very own theme song..) and then I’ll give this “topic” the time/attention it deserves..

*When *IS*THE*LAST*TIME*YOU*TOOTED*YOUR*OWN*HORN?* Hmmmm, well IF you don’t do it everyonceinagreatwhile; how will you teach your special ‘the ONE’..how to do it properly? Ready? Get set…Really ready? I am..

*Anyone out there realize that just as we can be our own worst enemies(used to be my own..); we can also be our best form of advertisement? Otherwise known as branding..One has to feel good about themselves from the INside out; in order to attract the same. Or least that is the way I see IT. Took me a very long time to get “it”..we truly are what we eat . Same difference as we project what we feel on the inside & without a doubt attract mirror images of self.

^Sounds like a simple enough formula, right? Yet , for some of us took many moons to truly master it. And now that I’m here; there is no turning back..Being here feels fabulous. Fits. I’ve worked hard to get here and survived alot of ‘ish! to earn a Masters in life…still working on getting my PHD in it>

Getting back to the topic at hand behind all of that..Personal theme songs. Remember the movies from backintheday? The ones when the main character walked into the screen shot; you knew they were coming because of the music. Every  single time it was time for their grand entrance into the scene; the same song was played. Their theme song..music has an awesome way of serving so many purposes. I personally don’t do much without music in my background..Poetess that I am music is a form of poetry set to tunes; so of course I’d love it. And when I’m not listening to music? I’m vibing to my own tune in my thoughts…

Which leads me to the introduction of my very own theme song…At least for the time being until my status changes from ‘single’ & almost ready to date 2 attached/involved/in love with my ‘the one’..This song perfectly captures my essence/my desires/my vibe. Could hardly believe it when I discovered it a couple months ago. I’ve played the vinyl off of it, lol. Well, I would’ve if records were still sold instead of CDs..in other words I like this song. Alot. Just fits. To a T. So without further delay here is my theme song..Have ya’ll picked one for yourselves yet? Well when you do , let your hair down, post it here so we can all check it out. Until then listen in and enjoy mine…and oh until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna (the one & only)

Is black beautiful?

Reblogged from FeministsSA.com:

By Athambile Masola

I'm not a fan of glossy magazines. I often buy one when I'm mentally exhausted and I'm looking for something frivolous to peruse and perhaps bitch over— "why does their skin look like plastic?" or I'm trying to build up a stock of magazines I will need for a classroom activity. Recently I purchased a copy of…

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~Perfectly IMperfect~ the 2 Parent rule

Tags

2 parent parenting, Children, Family, Fathers, Fathers nuture also, Hands on parenting, License to parent, Motherhood, Parenting

Just today someone whose met my parents..told me how lucky I was to have such awesome,  loving parents AND that they were both still alive & well. The person who said that lost her father at a very, very  young age..She said it so softly ; I  had to lean forward to hear her. It made me pause to reflect hours later. Here are a few of my thoughts on a topic, which  I feel, is highly important these days..Hang onto your hats & wigs this road might get a little bumpy>

In a perfect world, or as perfect as things can BE..and when folks let nature do what it does naturally; it takes TWO to make a baby. Takes two to bring into the world another perfect creation..in my minds eye’s this process(the 9 months in which it takes  baby to flourish in the womb) is THE most beautiful event on this earth. I’m sure anyone out there that has or is experiencing it..can relate. I fell in love with each of my 3 sons long before their kicks pummeled my tummy. Once I saw them as they came splashing into the world, shiny like a brand new penny, I was hooked for LIFE..

There was a time backintheday, before I was as evolved as I am now, that I felt I was the “perfect” parent to do most of all for my son…I had a stint as a single mother for a bit; and I’d gotten used to doing it ALL. Once I became married and part of a beautiful love union; I didn’t quite know how to let go of the reins of one-parent-parenting. I can be honest about it now that I’ve realized it. At the time I just thought I was “right”. At the time I didn’t realize that my “parental micro-managing” was cutting my husband out of the parenting process..or least a part of it. An important part of it. How fortunate & blessed I am/was; that he was strong enough and loved me & our sons enough to SHOW  me(not even did he tell me..) that I was “wrong”>

When I began to observe how our sons NEEDED their Dad’s nuturing/guidance/words of discipline; was when I finally began to let go of the reins I’d held on one-parent parenting. Honestly, I can’t recall exactly when that was..my best guess is about 1/3 of the way  of our middle sons’ life. (which at that point our youngest son was still a toddler; and coincidentally when we divorced) I think what made that a pivotal life-changing decision for me; was when I noticed how much our sons missed their Dad living in the house with us. Love for my sons forced me to face reality. They needed him to be very present in their lives; even if I didn’t want him to be present in my heart. Which by the way it was/and has been impossible to erase him from my heart anyway…>

Thankfully because of this great ephiphany! I had; our sons never had to go through the tug-of-war that some children of divorce have to endure..I wanted him to spend time with them! Early on during our 2 yr divorce proceedings and process; I discovered I not only did NOT want to raise our sons alone..it just was NOT fair to our sons for me to have to. So, I encouraged their Dad to come pick them UP to visit. IF it looked like he was going to change plans or dates to pick them UP; I called him and convinced him it wasn’t fair to them. They missed him and they needed him; COME get them and fulfill your parental duty & responsibility. Exclamation point. Period. I think sometimes folks can get caught UP, for a brief minute, in this life journey..and we can forget the things that matter most to us. Since then? He has thanked me for staying firm during that time frame..he loves his sons immensely. I think both of us were a bit lost without each other during that timeframe..Mothers, however, have no choice but to be mothers 24/7 365 days a year from the birth of the child until death. And my belief? Fathers should have NO choice but to do the same. It takes 2 to make them AND it rightfully takes 2 to co-raise them properly. Anything less is a great dis-service to the child..>

I think also because I’d always had 2 loving parents in my life time; it was quite easy to want the same for my/our sons..My now ex-husband hadn’t had that; for his own Father died when he was quite young. Having said that however..he is one of the BEST Fathers/Daddies/Pops!/Papa’s..that I know. Matter of fact I’d go as far as saying he ranks number 2; number 1 of course is my own Daddy. I can’t imagine my life without my Daddy in it; not in the yesteryears nor now. It is my belief that God created 2 parents for a reason..1 of each gender. But what I’ve also learned is that both genders can nuture. I used to think that was only something that Mom’s could DO. That just isn’t the case..WE do it well and we do it quite naturally due to the instant bonding that takes place while the baby is growing in our womb. I’ve never felt anything more natural than being & becoming a Mother. It IS in my opinion the single most important JOB on this planet. It should rightfully always be..or least that is the way I see IT>

*It takes a while village to raise a child* ..Origin is from Igbo & Yoruba(Nigeria) proverb. Translation =it takes a communal effort to raise a child. > If there is even a tiny shred of proof that this is true(which it is my belief it is…) than at the least don’t children DESERVE to be co-raised by both parents? Whether parents divorce or never marry; the job still remains to raise children once they’re born. Somehow these days that just doesn’t appear to be happening consistently. Often times I feel perhaps folks should have to obtain a license to have children…I could really go off on a tangent with that thought process; but I won’t. Thats another topic for another time. There are many books on child-rearing from an array of viewpoints; yet, matters not if the arrangement of parenting isn’t agreed upon from the onset. And then kept during the duration…No one ever said a child’s upbringing would be an easy task. Matter of fact it is probably the most difficult job we hold in life. There are no trial runs either. Once the baby is born the clock starts & doesn’t stop ticking until…death. Unfortunately, for children, they can’t request from their parents to do right by them. To give them a fighting chance in life by raising them properly..Society suffers when it isn’t even attempted. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t make a person a parent. Putting one’s own needs aside & loving them enough to parent them does..and that takes at the least the 2 that brought them into the world. >Until I write /read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

How To Write A Blog: 10 Obligatory Blog Posts Every Blogger Has To Write At Least Once

Reblogged from The Official How To Blog:

Today's guest post is brought to you by the letter X better known as the List of X. To read more about guest posts, see step 6.

I have been reading WordPress blogs for months now, and I have noticed that certain types of blog posts are more common than others. So I thought I'd aggregate these most common blog posts into just one short post for your enjoyment.

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~Sharing the thoughts of the 1 & only , List of X~

>>the Are U Racist test..Hint=If U start a sentence with I’m not racist because..<<

Tags

Barack Obama, Communicating, Cultural differences, Love of all people, One Love, Race in America, Racism, United States, Unity

This topic comes UP alot these days..It came up recently while I was chatting with a friend; I decided then I was going to bring it to my blog to dialogue. A taboo topic that need not be taboo IF folks could/would..speak openly & honestly about IT. Very hopeful to make that happen here as I do what only I can do; the way I do it..Sincerely & with finesse, somewhat?>

>WASHINGTON — Lawyers for Arizona, a state that has clashed repeatedly with the federal government on the issue of immigration, will be back at the Supreme Court on Monday defending a state law that requires proof of citizenship in order to register to vote in elections.

< I want to be clear before I dig into this topic. I’ve had issues with Arizona’s proposed citizenship law; since its very inception. Living in California at the time & quite in-the-know-about-politics(I once ran for office long ago..) ; I understood the law for what it was/IS. Voter suppression. Point blank. For the record there are already laws/statues in place for voter identity. (to ensure folks that vote are indeed American citizens) The proposed Arizona law desires measures in ADDITION to what the Federal law already requires(according to the National Voter Registration Act) Take into account Arizona didn’t introduce the idea for this law; until a very eligible Black American ran for President. Also take into account Arizona was one of the very last states(they held out, with New Hampshire, until they received a litany of heavy criticism) to make MLK, Jr birthday a paid state holiday.  Coincidental? I don’t think so…Lets dig a bit deeper>

We have a fear about talking about RACE ISSUES in America..Its like a dirty little secret that the ENTIRE world knows about(that our country was built, including majority of D.C., on the backs of slaves…) and yet; it’s not talked about openly in public. Because of this being factual is my belief that racism can still exist in our country. Or least that is one of the reasons .  Can’t work to erase something that “allegedly” is already dealt with…But even a blind, deaf-mute  knows that the days of racism/racist attitudes/racist beliefs/racist tendencies are  far from over>

*I could keep my head buried in the sand..Act as if racism is truly dead in a country I love..On a daily basis living as a Black American woman I’m not physically touched by racism..But our Black men, America’s Black MEN, are catching HELL..As a mother of 3 grown Black beautiful Black men I simply can’t pretend racism is dead. As an American I can’t turn a deaf ear & blind eye either. How many more Martin Trayvons, Chavis Carters, & Oscar Grants have to die for us to openly discuss race issues in our country? Very well could’ve been one of MY sons..two of whom are fond of wearing hoodies from time2time. To think the unthinkable could happen to them or ANY law-abiding citizen in our country; is more than I can bear to think. And more than enough to motivate me to use my freedom of speech to speak on IT..yet another thing I love about my country@freedom of speech & thought. I think therefore I blog>

I wonder everyonceinagreatwhile IF I weren’t Black if I’d care so much that racism still exists..IF I were privy to White privilege would I feel racist beliefs/treatment were unjust? IF I were White would I turn a blind eye to people’s freedom & lives being taken away without justified reason? I’d like to think I’d still feel the same as I do now. Matter of fact I’m almost willing to bet I would; because I’ve got an enormous heart. Wrong is wrong no matter the color of a person’s skin/ethnic background/cultural foundation/personal belief system. 

If you start a sentence with, I’m not racist because…More than likely you probably are or have racist tendencies. And for the love of God; I wish folks would stop saying I’ve got Black/White friends so I’m not racist. As IF! I’ve said it before & I’ll say it one ‘mo time; that only means you’ve got Black or White friends. I don’t try to dis-prove or UNprove anything; or least I try not to. What I attempt to do is love & accept everyone..That inofitself has been something that is an on-going process. As I’ve evolved as I’ve learned more about different cultures and life styles; my level of acceptance has broadened. I really can’t express it any other way..So read between the lines. I believe that IGNORANCE is what lies as the foundation of racism & prejudice. What folks don’t understand or know about; they often form negative opinions about. What can also feed a person’s belief system is = what they’re taught as children. Thankfully I was taught self-pride/cultural pride/LOVE. But what about children that were taught to hate from birth? I wasn’t one who thought racism would die overnight because we’d elected a Black POTUS. Rome wasn’t built in a day; and something it took many moons to create will take more than a minute to change…What I do think is that as a country WE can do better. The next 4 years will be a time of great positive change for our country..Or so its my belief based on many factors. That is another topic for another time. However having said all of that; there is NO time like the present to do what is right. I’m hoping we can do it together. *One love*

>U Bring Light 2 The World..Let Your Little Light Shine!>

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Blogging my fanny off.., DPCHALLENGE, Giving to others of self, Let your little light shine!, Living an intentional life, Self expression, Self Image, Self love, WordPress

Well…do U?  Do you light the room up when you walk in; and folks are drawn 2 your light?  Or when you enter a room; do people scatter like roaches suddenly finding a cazillion things to do..Lets rap>

For anyone out there that lives in a spot, where fireflies exist, I wish I could see them! I recall backintheday loving the way their light lit UP the night ..My bro and I fondly called them what they were@lightening bugs.(well we were little at the time & thought everyone called them that) I think as people , like moths, many of us are drawn to the light..This is true without many even knowing it; we’re drawn to light just as day’light’ affects our moods & energy levels. (affects our chronobiological system) Now that I’m living “an intentional life”; and not just letting life happen 2 me..such things interest me far more than ever before. And learning more about it has impacted my life in immeasurable positive ways, countless, and the number is still climbing…

I’m of the belief we can speak(or think)  things in or out of existence…I said this to someone recently; and being the wonderfully inquisitive person she is she asked me” Do you really believe that?!? ” My answer was/is yep, I sure do! Why? Because the mind is a trip…literally. WE can convince our selves of things no one else can! For instance, have you ever walked into an interview knowing/feeling/exhibiting like YOU are the best candidate for that position?? I don’t give a dang if there are a cazillion other candidates that applied for that ONE job..you just know & feel deep down in your bones/spirit/mind that YOU were created to do that job the BEST? Well, IF you walked in thinking the opposite; just think how that would impact your attitude thus affecting how you  interview. In a negative manner…

For the record my disclaimer & my truth I live IS..I believe every single  word my fingertips stroke here. I don’t paint a picture this vividly that I can’t see. My paintbrush is enormous! And I  am living my life in bold, bright(yep I love bright colors) fabulous colors..Just yesterday I got a double-dose of bad news..News that were I the person I usedtoB could’ve/would’ve floored me. But I’ve learned, yearn to learn more, and am learning..myself and to live an intentional life. WE all have choices in this life. With concerted effort we can overcome and ride through ANY storm. I’m relentless now and majority of days my inner light flows out effortlessly..There is a song I don’t have time to dig up for ya’ll right now; thats called “I’m gonna let my little light shine” (or something close to that..) And I believe we all have the power within US; to do just that. Can’t we be the light we want to see in the world? I think we can and I think it will make the world a much better place..if we do just that. So today , and even on days (like this day is for me…) ; when you just don’t feel like you can muster UP the strength to let your little light shine..let it shine anyway. Know why? Because someone out there that usually shines so effortlessly, like lil ole me, might just need to vibe off the warmth of your light..So just bring IT. Time to prepare for church so until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)

**Report Card Your Friends..Do U Measure UP?

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Extended family of friends, Friends, Friendship, Life, Life long friends, Loyalty, relationship, Sincerity, TRUST

>Really good friend of mine had a novel idea he was serious about maintaining ..Still does to this day..At the time I didn’t feel it was something I needed to partake in; I was in a different space & time in my life journey than he was..But now, things are different as is my outlook on friendship. I don’t take the word lightly. Nor do I take lightly how I treat my friends; I treat them as I want to be treated. Sounds  simple enough , right? Stay tuned because it gets much better from here…And yep, I’m on 1. If you don’t know what that means; google it…

**Well, its Saturday night and I got several phone calls from friends 2day..So very appropriate for this topic, right? And they said “WHY did you leave us on a cliff-hanger since last night????! wth?” Lol, first of all thats a first!  so sorry extracurricular activities got in the way(of my finishing this post)..with my B.F.F.(how perfect for this topic also) and mad love to ya’ll for showing me love by calling. Stroked my ego for a brief moment(don’t we all need that from timetotime?) so to kick off this topic I dug UP the supreme friend song(oldskool! when music was still real) ..Before I jump knee deep & waist high into this just know this; when I call you a friend its for LIFE. Let me see if I can do my utmost to explain…Ready for me? I sure hope so cause here I go head first>

Mayhaps I should define friends 1st. From my viewpoint a friend IS: Someone who knows U through & through; & still digs you totally! A friend is someone who can hang out with U talking about nothing/doing nothing/and expects nothing in return! A friend is someone who has your back while you’re 2gether & even more so when you’re apart. A friend is someone who will let U wake them up with a call in the middle of the night; because U can’t sleep.(waving BigJack and many thanks U’s for this…) A friend is someone who loves U even over a lifetime spent 3,500 or more miles apart(mad LOVE Lizzard my forever B.F.F. I loves ya!) A friend is someone who doesn’t find a cazillion things to do when your moving day rolls around(I’ll be calling ya’ll soon for this, lol) A friend is someone whose true colors are as vibrant and beautiful as a rainbow…

IF one’s monetary worth were(and I believe it is…) measured by the type of friends they have..then I am RICH. My life simply wouldn’t be the same without the many friends I’m fortunate/blessed/dang lucky! call me their friend..Likewise IF I call you my friend its for life..My circle of friends is large indeed(from coast 2 coast & beyond..) and many in my circle I also consider extended family. I don’t have a good poker face(I show all my emotions ) nor do I fake the funk well at all..just not part of my biological make-up. IF I spend time with U /break bread with U/do things for U without provocation just because I think you’ll enjoy it or need it, or whatever; then I consider you my friend. My friendship with my B.F.F.  has lasted over 25 years! WOW..it has endured many miles apart/marriages/breakups/death of loved ones/lifes’ disappointments/lifes’ joys, joys!/laughter/LOVE/LOVE/and has transcended color lines and racial differences. We simply look at each other as sisters from another mother..There is comfort in knowing someone that long; who knows where you’ve been/where you’re at now/where you aspire to be. Somehow we can go for long periods without talking or seeing one another; yet pick up right where we left off. Its been an awesome ride & I look forward to many more years now that we finally! live on the same coast in the same city. WOW..life is full of beautiful suprises and you’re one of them Sis. I love YOU always..

There are several instances in my life that made me sincerely cognizant of the true importance of friends. One was when my then-fiance showed me a report card he had for friends to grade him as a friend. Another instance was when a friend of mine I’d lost contact with; found me after looking for me for 17yrs. I was wow’ed by that, alot, and humbled…things I’d taken for granted others considered like gold. Friendship. It changed my entire perspective on friendship. Not that I hadn’t always treated my friends very well; I just didn’t really realize till then how much it could also be worth to someone else..my friendship.

Which brings me to the punch line. I think we’ve all faced evaluations in the course of our careers. Usually once a year, right? Or moreso if promoted…When is the last time you asked your friend(s) to evaluate you as a friend? Isn’t the best way to improve anything to grade it/tweak it/work on flaws. How does one know if they’re the best friend they could possibly be? I stand guilty as charged(my hand raised high); I’ve not asked any of my friends lately IF there is room for improvement…I just ASSume I’m the best friend to them I could possibly be. I certainly feel I give it my all…but is that good enough if I don’t meet each friend’s needs. What IF they need more from me than I’m giving? Or one step further what IF theres more I’m capable of doing as a friend; that I don’t realize I could be doing…does it matter? Shouldn’t we work to maintain & improve friendships ; same as we do our love relationships? I didn’t used to think so backintheday when I hadn’t lived as much of life as I have now…things are different now. I no longer take life or any of my relationships for granted. I appreciate each and every one of my friends; and I want them to know & feel that.

In a perfect world all friendships /relationships; would not require stroking or maintenance. They’d just be as effortless as breathing…however even with love relationships we know this isn’t the case. And honestly I enjoy giving /sharing/vibing with my friends. My word IS my bond; and I try hard to keep it. Likewise I’m not drawn to folks who aren’t like minded in that regard..so with me you’ve got to mean what you say & say what you mean. There are a ton of questions I could write to create a report card for friends right here & now; but I won’t. Why not? Because I think it would be more worthwhile for you & me; to create our own report cards…Based on our own unique set of friends. Mine will be more verbal for my friends anyways; they know I love to talk, alot . lol! But even if ya’ll don’t do a report card; if nothing else, hopefully my words have made you think about how special your friends are for a minute. When is the last time you told them how much they mean to you? Everyone needs to know they’re appreciated..And for my fabulous friends?!? YOU ARE SPECIAL & I’M THANKFUL YOU’RE PART OF MY LIFE, hugs!